# Help and Advice > Related Illness/medication/alternatives >  Action for Happiness: Self care September

## Suzi

I was introduced to the Action for happiness via the MBSR course I'm doing atm. Each month they release a calendar with a different focus. 
The one for September is Self Care. 
I challenge you all to join me in trying to complete each one!

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Strugglingmum (01-09-18)

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## Suzi

Day one: Recognise that self care isn't selfish. It's essential. 

I've spoken about this with my family and have asked them to help me to make sure that I do some self care time. I've been trying to bring in body scan meditations and I've started some Tai Chi - we have done 2 x 30 mins in the last 2 of the MBSR course and I love that I have to focus on me, my breathing and just that movement at that time. So I've a bloke on a rock on youtube and I'm doing it! I've done it today and went on a walk too. I loved the Tai Chi so am thinking about doing more at home and then contacting a local group... 
This is the bloke on a rock I've been using as we've been doing the same movements at MBSR - you can do it seated or standing or a combination..

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Strugglingmum (01-09-18)

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## Paula

Thats a great idea!

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## Suzi

What? The Self Care September or the Tai Chi?

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## Paula

The calendar mostly but tthe Tai Chi too  :O:

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## Suzi

I'm loving the Tai Chi - it gives you space to be just focussed on that moment - excellent mindful practise... 

Day 2: 
Talk to yourself as you talk to someone you love. 

Today I have told myself that although I'm not perfect in any way and I'd like to be slimmer, more beautiful, better at so many things that actually I'm good enough as ME. Actually I'm someone who tries to be kind, to do anything to help anyone and I'm a Mum who my children seem to be able to talk to about pretty much anything. That's good enough... 

Your turn  :O:

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OldMike (04-09-18),Strugglingmum (02-09-18)

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## Paula

Oh wow, just thinking about this made me cry, I didnt realise I still hold so much guilt. *deep breath* here goes

What happened wasnt my fault, it was an accident. It hasnt ruined our family, my children have a good life and I do my best to minimise the impact on Si and the girls.

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OldMike (04-09-18),Strugglingmum (02-09-18),Suzi (02-09-18)

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## Suzi

I'm so proud of you! It's really, really hard isn't it? But so important. Massive respect Paula x

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Paula (02-09-18)

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## Suzi

I forgot to share this with you yesterday! 

Day 3: Make some time for you by clearing unnecessary appointments.. 

Yesterday afternoon we turned off all electricals, no phones, no computers etc and we sat as a family playing "cards against humanity" and a cut down version of Balderdash. It was lovely! We had decided to clear yesterday afternoon last week and the kids and I had bought some games and I'd secretly ordered CAH as we'd all wanted to play it! 
And I did a Tai Chi session! That's Friday in MBSR, Sat, Sun and Mon! 

Day 4: Forgive yourself when things go wrong - we all make mistakes. 

This one is tough. Really tough. I can do the surface stuff such as getting Sainsbury's doritos for the boys and them not liking them, ok so it wasn't great but we adapted and did something different. 
The big things I'm struggling with. I know there are things that have been mistakes, but actually I'm always really quick to take full responsibility and to state that I should have done.... or should have been....  or should be able to.... and that's hard and emotional.... It's definitely a work in progress. 
Tai Chi and games for this afternoon as my babies go back to school tomorrow and I really don't want them to.

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## Paula

Oooo I did yesterdays but didnt know it! Si took some impromptu time off, we went out for lunch as a family and Si and I have been watching movies and new tv programmes together - all very sci fi and nerdy which we love!

Forgiving myself? When guilt is my default? I even found myself stressing over the huge list of genetic issues my family has and what I might have passed on to my kids unknowingly. I know its irrational as theyre both really healthy but I struggle with this one.

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## Suzi

It is really tough... Well done for yesterday! And for knowing it's a work in progress for todays!

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Paula (05-09-18)

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## Strugglingmum

I really struggle with forgiving myself. My CPN is constantly telling me that I don't need any enemies as I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be. Work in progress.

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## Suzi

It's great that you know it's something you need to work on...

Day 5: Notice what you are feeling today without any judgement. 

This is something we've been talking about in my MBSR course... Today I'm feeling:
~ Sad - I've just taken the last back to school photo that my children will be in together as (all being well) B goes off to Uni next year. 
~ Nervous - I'm really worried about the whole back to school thing, hoping that it's a good day for all 3 of them. 
~ Apprehensive/scared - Electrical testing on my wrists today
~ Angry - family issues

Each one of those is a valid emotion for now and so it's all "OK". I'm not trying to turn away from each of them - I am in fact turning towards those feelings and actually letting each one of them settle... It's really hard not to judge about them... 

Anyone else want to share?

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## Paula

Nervous mainly - going to the community centre for the monthly community lunch today

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## Suzi

Thanks for sharing. Do you want to talk about why you are feeling nervous about it?

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## Strugglingmum

Today I am feeling tired and weary. But that's ok because I did a lot yesterday and it's ok to need to rest. ( I can't believe I just said that)

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## Suzi

So proud of you!

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Strugglingmum (05-09-18)

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## Suzi

I thought I'd copy this post I've made this evening from the facebook page - it kind of seems appropriate here.. 




> Hi everyone, I thought my post tonight would be a story about my day.... My children went back to school/6th form today and I always hate it. They all got on OK though, which is great and a massive relief. Today though, I didn't just stay home and wait for the time to pick them up, I had a hospital appointment to have testing for carpal tunnel syndrome! (I know, that's not where you were expecting this story to go either.... lol)
> The new neurophysiology department was lovely! The receptionist was friendly, the radio was playing in the background.. The artwork on the walls was created by the lead consultant and there were plants dotted about (imitation due to hospital guidelines) and on the desk was a really lovely big sign which said "Smile, it's contagious." It's true, smiles are very contagious and we had a lovely chat in the waiting room... 
> So, I've gone into the room with the lovely neurophysiologist who happens to be beautiful, from Portugal and really lovely, witty and funny - someone you'd love to have as a good friend - you know what I mean.. Well I've been electrocuted a couple of times on my fingers and it was odd, but nothing horrific, but then she moved it to above my elbow - I've honestly never been so mortified (oh I might have been once before) as my hand touched her breast totally uncontrollably! I've never wanted the room to swallow me up so much! 
> Anyway, the rest of the test went well and I don't have carpal tunnel - this to most people would be a good thing, but to me this isn't. Actually I feel really rubbish about it because along with my fibro, osteoarthritis and degenerative discs (and everything else) I had hoped that this would be something fixable, not something that I will have to carry on wearing the wrist splints (that I hate) and more pain continuing and the next department for me to see is musco-skeletal but that's not for a couple of months. The pain isn't getting any better and I'm hating it and having to add more pills in and not be able to do all the things I want to do... 
> So, I'm not "wallowing" (well, maybe a bit) but I'm trying to follow my Mindfulness Therapist's teachings and not push the negative feelings away, but actually to look at them, accept them and understand that they are valid and have a value and that it IS ok to not be OK.... So that's the point of this story... Sometimes it's OK to not be OK.... 
> Suzi x

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Strugglingmum (06-09-18)

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## Paula

I love that post!

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Suzi (06-09-18)

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## Suzi

Day 6: Avoid saying "I ought to" or "I should" to yourself... 

Well it's only thinking about this that I've realised how much pressure I put me under.. All the constant "I should just....." or "I ought to really be..." 's really add up. I really didn't think I did this much, but I do. Each time I've noticed it I've stopped myself and told myself that actually that isn't "mindful" or "being kind" to me... I'm hoping to carry on working on this, but it's going to be a long work in progress!

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## Paula

I remember pulling Stella up for using should too often but the word still falls out of my mouth sometimes. Such a hard thing to get on top of, but so important

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## Strugglingmum

I say 'I should' an awful lot more than is healthy. My husband sometimes pulls me up on it.  I am going to try and pull myself up on it and mutter  be kind. 
Thank you Suzi for posting these each day. X

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Suzi (07-09-18)

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## CaterpillarGirl

I've only just seen this post but it's a really nice idea, I'm definitely guilty of not forgiving myself (sometimes things pop into my head from years ago and I feel guilty about them!) and saying I should, that's also a big one for me...

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## Suzi

Day 7: Remember it's OK to not be OK. We all have difficult days. 

I've been working hard with this one this week. It's been a bit of a crap week for me in so many ways both physically and emotionally and I've fallen into the "why can't you work?" "Other people with x condition manage to do.... why can't you" etc
It's really hard to remember that is it OK to have a rubbish day and to not beat yourself up about it... Another work in progress..

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## Strugglingmum

It's ok to not be ok. Feels like a mantra I should take up. Xx

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## Suzi

It really is. We are all conditioned into believing that we have to be a certain look/shape/success and that showing any illness or being ill makes you weak or is something to hide away and be ashamed of. It isn't...

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Strugglingmum (07-09-18)

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