# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  Trying to help a friend

## Pixie85

One of my closest friends has depression and she's really struggling at the mo.... I'm the only friend she has really, so I'm trying to help her by being a sounding board when she needs it.  Thing is, we've been through similar trauma.... she doesn't know that because I haven't told her but she's messaged me tonight, speaking about one incident and it's just brought something back to myself. This sh*t is so hard

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## Paula

Hunni, I get that you want to help, but you need to look after yourself first - youre not going to be able to help her if youve crashed yourself. Can you encourage her to talk to her doctor or counsellor? Do you think you could explain to her that youre finding this triggering?

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## Suzi

It's so hard when you want to help, but lovely you can't help when you are running on empty or triggered with each conversation...

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## Pixie85

She has a lot of "professionals" involved that have let her down and said they'd help but haven't, so she doesn't want to talk to them anymore....same with her counsellor

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## Paula

You shouldnt be replacing them, hunni, youre not well yourself

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## Pixie85

I know. I just don't like seeing her this way. She has 3 children, 2 the same age as my younger 2

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## Suzi

Paula's right, you can't replace the professionals - the same as we can't here... Talking about and learning to live with this kind of thing needs to be done in a proper therapeutic environment... Triggering you is only going to make it harder for you....

Maybe try to get her to talk to her medical team more and tell them honestly how things are...

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## Pixie85

She says she doesn't trust them anymore and doesn't want to speak to them anymore. I've tried to get her to start speaking to them again but she won't

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## Suzi

But as much as you want to help, are you really in a position that you can take on her traumas too?

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## Pixie85

No, I guess not

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## Suzi

I'm not saying you can't help, but maybe instead of listening to her traumas maybe suggest she talks here, or a helpline where there are trained people to help. 
Maybe suggest she writes things down to be passed to her care team to explain how she is feeling?

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