# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  Girlfriend with depression *SU Triggers*

## clueless

Hi everyone, 

I hope you can offer some advice, I dont really know where else to go. 

My girlfriend is going through depression for the past year, we've been together for 3 years, its a long distance relationship. Ive tried to talk, be there for her and support her, Ive said she should get some professional help and tried to get her to agree but she just says no every time, she used to get bad monthly then weekly and recently its been every other day.

It's taking a toll on me, I know it's not about me but then I'm finding it hard to support her. She's sent me suicidal messages before and at the time she sends them she's also really upset and angry with me because she says I'm not there for her but doesn't open up with me. I'll message her and say everything's going to be ok and try and be there for her tell her to take deep breaths and just sit up and meditate. Last week she was really upset and mad and blocked me out. I tried calling and talking to her but I got nothing, later she started saying to me she wanted to die, I messaged her and tried to calm her down and then she went to sleep. I messaged in the morning to see how she was, she blocked me out again. I really just began to think I'm making things worse and she doesn't want to talk to me. That night she started sending me suicidal messages again and saying that I didn't care about her. I called 10 times but she never answered and blocked my number, I called her sister asked her to check on her and since then she's been upset and mad at me. I care about her and really do love her.

Her parents dont know about what shes going through (shes currently living at home).

When I try and talk she gets angry and says Im not there for her I try to be there and she doesnt talk and just pushes me away and then gets angry at me.

I dont know what to do anymore, I suggested that maybe we go on a break for a month just to get ourselves grounded and work things out, its only been a day but I feel like this break was a bad idea, Im just not sure, Im constantly worried about her and I dont know what to do I dont know whether I should tell her parents, she has sent me suicidal messages before Im scared, Ive told her older sister about things and shes said not to tell her parents. I don't know if I should give this break more time I don't know.

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## Paula

Hi and welcome. Ive added a trigger warning to your thread. Its nothing to worry about but just ensures other members who may find this discussion triggering are warned.

 Thank you for posting. Its just as important that friends and family ask for support as it is for the sufferer. Has she seen her doctor at all and, if so, what treatment is she getting?  Theres only so much you can do if she wont get help herself but her friends and family talking to her, encouraging her, being there for her are all vital to her recovery.  Theres an organisation (https://www.time-to-change.org.uk) which highlights conversations its important to have and how to start those conversations. Hopefully thisll help you.

Not everyone would agree with this but, if shes suicidal, I think you should tell her parents. Shes needs protecting from herself and its not something you can do if you have a long distance relationship. If you dont say something, you all may very well regret it.

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## clueless

Thanks for replying and no worries.

She hasn't spoken to her doctor and isn't getting any treatment. Thanks for the link I will check it out.

I feel like that is the best thing to do, I'm just scared if it doesn't come from her to her parents it might make things worse for her.

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome. 
I completely agree wholeheartedly with Paula. If she's struggling that badly then she needs help... And actually you shouldn't have to deal with that kind of behaviour....

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## clueless

Thanks Suzi.

Just an update, I spoke with her parents she's glad that they know but she's not happy that I told them and my parents, but I'm just glad that they are there to help support her. Not sure how things are between us but just glad they know. Thank you for your advice, I'm glad this forum exists.

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## Suzi

Well done for talking to them. You've done a good thing for both of you....

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## Paula

Well done. Youve done the best thing for her

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