# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  My cousin **TW**

## Pixie85

My cousin passed away recently. The police went round and had to break in. Cause of death not established yet....police are investigating. She had her demons and struggled with alcohol/depression and often wrote on Facebook how she wanted to harm herself....just never thought she'd do it. She just turned 46. We never saw each other as often as we should have really but we did talk alot via Facebook messenger....it's just so sad.

I went to see my mum and she told me more about it all. Things I didn't even know. I feel like I should of known because even though we didn't actually see each other much, we regularly spoke over Facebook. It's hit me harder because now I know more, I see similarities between us....depression, she stopped looking after herself, stopped seeing friends/family, wouldn't leave the house, had an awful ex that was using her for sex, she drank too much, had an eating disorder and was apparently only around 5/6 stone when she died and was using a frame to help her walk....she was supposed to have people come to check on her daily but the last time she was seen alive was Fri, when her friend dropped off more alcohol and left her to it.

In some weird and morbid kinda way, it's making me have these horrible thoughts of it being me in another 10 years when I'm 46....the similarity is actually scary....and I still haven't even been able to bring myself to call that number for an appt. It's ridiculous, isn't it....how I'm struggling as much as I am and I know there is help there but I can't seem to accept it....just like her

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## Stella180

So you know where this leads if you don’t change things. If you don’t try to get the help you need. You have the option of getting help and changing your life. No one else will do it for you.

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## Jaquaia

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do you actually want help to deal with your demons? And if so, what's holding you back?

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## Suzi

I'm so sorry, what horrible things to be dealing with right now. 
I'm wondering what's causing you to not be able to make that call?

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## Pixie85

I'm just finding it really difficult....of them trying to rush me, asking questions I might not be able to answer, actually saying words out loud, them thinking I'm lying, being told that I don't need any help etc etc

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## Suzi

Of who trying to rush you? 
No one will push you to talk about things you aren't ready to talk about...

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## Pixie85

I've just called! Actually suprised myself because I already called once but was on hold, so had to hang up to pick little on up from nursery....tried calling again before I could back out! 22nd Dec at 9.30....actually feeling better about it....now I don't have to think about it for another couple of weeks!

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## Suzi

That's great! Well done!

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## Jaquaia

Well done!

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## Flo

Good for you!

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