# Help and Advice > Home straight >  Finally getting through it? *trigger*

## Pen

Hi all

Its was last November that I posted and I guess there are lots of new people on here now who don't know me. SO my name is Pen, I am female, I am far to close to 50 for my own comfort, I have two pretty well grown up kids who live with me and a really complicated relationship with my husband of 23 years. I used to be a senior manager in IT until a series of events kicked off major clinical depression and I lost my job, 6 years ago. Now I have gone back to college and am just in my last year of a BA in Contemporary Art and professional studies (Otherwise known as how to be a professional artist and hopefully not starve whilst doing it!). 

In the last year things have finally started to get better. When I first got depression I was really ill. I was terrified of how I would cope, how I would pay the bills as depression and anxiety meant that I could not face even applying for other jobs yet alone dealing with working again. Over the years I have had really bad spells when I was convinced that I should kill myself as the world would be better without me and not so bad spells. In the last six months the not so bad spells have become good spells. The really bad spells have become rare and in the last couple of months have lasted hours rather than days.

My life has changed in ways that I could not have predicted when this all started and I have had to take a really hard long look at myself and decide what is really important to me. The changes have been scary but ultimately made things better.
I sold the house that I part owned with my deceased mother at the beginning of February which meant I could pay my brothers their inheritance and buy out right a smaller house in a more convenient part of town and I could save some money. The new house comes with a lovely double garage that I am converting into a studio/training room and I plan to run courses in ceramics (which is my specialty) as well as other art stuff. All the research I have done suggests that this will be popular in the area so I am hoping to make enough to pay the bills.

I now feel stronger than I have for years. Things like a nasty letter from my the solicitor of my Brother in Law (very long story involving another house belonging to my husbands family) I can now put to one side to deal with later without feeling that I either need to reach for the lorzapam or go and hide under the duvet whilst my insides turn themselves upside down.

Five years ago I asked a psychiatrist how long it would take for me to get better, he did not know the answer of course, but if he had said 5 years I would have been horrified but everyone gets through this at their own pace.

I am still on anti depressants albeit at a reduced dose but have come off all the anxiety medication. I am still with the community mental health team but have been stepped down so that I no longer have a care coordinator just a "reviewing officer" who will be in touch in about 6 months. If things get bad again I can still call the team if I need help and if it becomes another long spell I would be allocated my old Care coordinator again quickly.

I thought I would share this to reassure people that you can get through this, even if life has to change to make it happen. There are a few things I have learnt along the way that I would also like to share:-

Learn yourself. It took me years but I now can tell when things are starting me on the downward spiral and that I need to do something to stop it like going to bed early, or stopping what I am doing and do something else.

Learn which friends you can trust. I have lost so many friends through my illness, friends I thought would understand but who really just could not "get" my illness and walked out of my life and it HURT. I now have a few really good friends that I can tell when I am having a bad time and friends who I would have a laugh and a joke with but would never tell how I was really feeling.

Get out the house and try to talk to someone everyday. Even if it is only going to the shop for a bottle of milk, use the till not the self service and talk to the cashier!

Exercise really does help but you don't need to go to the gym or jog for hours. Even when you feel that putting on clothes is a bridge too far, try and go for a walk. I have a dog called Ember and we walk for about an hour to an hour and a half every day.

To quote the Americans "Don't sweat over the small stuff" When you are down you only have a small amount of energy, use it on whats important. Pay the bills, eat and drink, get to the appointments. The housework can wait till you feel better (or get someone else to do it!).

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Amaya (06-03-15)

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## Angie

Its good to see you Pen, and it sounds like life has really taken a step in the right direction and in a really positive way.

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Pen (02-03-15)

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## rose

Pen, I am so happy to see you. When I first joined here your posts resonated with me the most, and I have often wondered how you were getting on while you weren't around. I am so glad to hear things are on the up. Selling the house and moving was a huge milestone so well done to you!!

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Pen (02-03-15)

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## Pen

Good to hear from you both. I will try and be on here a bit more now the move is over but I am still sorting out things like builders and electricians and have the final few months to finish off my degree so am still busy.

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## Suzi

Is so wonderful to hear from you! I've been following you on Facebook but I'm so glad you've popped in to let us know how you are doing. You've been missed x

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Pen (02-03-15)

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## Paula

Hi hunni and welcome back  :O:  it's so good to hear all your positive news

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Pen (02-03-15)

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## EJ

I was pleased to read your news Pen. I'm glad that you have posted such an encouraging post for others to read. Thank you. Good to see you again on here.

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Pen (02-03-15)

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## Pen

Its been an exciting and scary day. The builders came to start the conversion of the garage into a studio. They have fitted about half the roof insulation and plaster board and one roof window so far. It has made the attic room look HUGE! I am really pleased with the work. The builder has made a suggestion of how I could better fit out the toilet, (including soundproofing, which I had not thought about, so that people don't have to listen to the person in the toilet having a pee!) which is fine but it will cost another £250 and I am at my budget limit now. I also need to get bannisters fitted onto the staircase to the upstairs room. That will cost another £250. It all needs doing and it will add a lot of value/desirability to my house but even so it is worrying.

Really scared about how the money will pan out over the next few months if I eat into my living fund! Dad will lend me a bit. But terrified that this business idea will not work. I have done some market research and already have over 30 leads of people who said they would be interested in coming on a course, but even so I don't know what I will do if I don't get the income I need!

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## Paula

The fact you're doing this, following your dream is amazing. I know the money side of things is worrying, as it is for any small business starting up, but I hope you will get the funds you need and do what you've always wanted to do  :):

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## Suzi

I think it's amazing that you are doing this! I wouldn't have thought of sound proofing either!

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## rose

I think the soundproofing is probably a necessity.
Could hubby fit the banisters, perhaps you could find a bargain on ebay? Is there anywhere else you could make a saving, perhaps on some of the materials such as flooring?

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## Pen

I don really want to ask Hubby I would rather he was over in Wales sorting out his house sale, so I have told the builder to go ahead and do it. I know this guy will do a good job and then its done. Ember fell off the stairs last night, luckily she did not hurt herself but I was relieved and don't want that to happen again. 

I don't have any plans for the flooring now. I took the new floor covering off the budget. It is good solid level concrete on the floor so I will just buy some floor paint when I have the funds and paint it. Maybe if I make enough money I will buy a lino later. Upstairs already has a reasonable carpet, although I did bring two very large Ikea rag rugs from the old house.

I will still need to paint everything but that does not need to be expensive paint. I can't decide what colour to paint the new studio upstairs. White, Magnolia or pale yellow are the leading contenders at the moment.

It is all very exciting and I am trying hard to focus on that and not dwell to much on the money. I have done various forecasts and it SHOULD all pan out. I have managed to cope for nearly 50 years without going into debt so I am sure that I can do it now.

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## Suzi

Will you need to risk assess your new studio if you are going to run classes? Can you do things differently as Rose suggests...

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## Pen

Yes but that is fine, I know how to do a risk and fire assessment. 

Not very well today. Anxiety is running really high.

Supposed to have gone to college but had to wait for the electricity man who has still not turned up.
College seems overwhelming at the moment with so much to do.
Have told the builders to do all the work but now am working that I have not done the right thing.
Switched the vacuum on and it blew the fuse
Had a letter from the council which I don't know what to do about.

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## magie06

I'm very anxious today since I went out on the road this morning. I've a sick feeling in my tummy and I'm sure I'm going to be sick soon. I don't know where it has come from, but it's like the sensation you get before you go to the dentist. I'm even wondering whether to go to school or not. 
Best of luck in your new home and I hope that the electric is back on before much longer.

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## Suzi

Do you want to talk about the letter from the council?
Do you still have support at college? How is it going? Is it "just" because of everything going on wrt the building works that you don't feel up to it?

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## Paula

One thing at a time, hunni.

You can't do anything about college so try to forget that, missing one isn't going to do too much harm
Can you talk to your tutor and try to break down what needs to be done to make it easier to deal with?
You've done what you gave to with the builders - the decisions made so just let them get on with it now
Sorry, no idea about the Hoover 
Do you want yo talk about the letter?

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## Pen

I just feel totally overloaded (like Rose) My mind is bouncing around like a kangaroo. I am going to go and draw a mind map and see if that helps. I will tell you all about the council letter later.

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## Suzi

You do have a lot going on right now. I hope the mind map helps lovely.. If there's anything we can do to help then shout.

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## new2015

Just wanted to say hello.  :(hi): 
As you said, i suppose there must be a lot of new people (as you can tell by the name ive only been around a few months)
but firstly wanted to say hi, and secondly thank you for your post and your advice 
I cant imagine my life in 5 years time but it sounds like you have some great plans in place
Hope the house conversion runs smoothly!

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## Paula

How's the overload doing hunni?

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## rose

Pen, if it helps, I think you made the right choice about the building work. Like you said, it has to be done and this is an investment in your future. I would go with white for the studio, because white paint you can buy in huge tubs at a cheaper price.
Concrete floor is edgy and modern so stick with it, as long as its warm!

Is the fuse box the type where you flick the fuse, or you actually have to put a new fuse in with wire and all that palava?

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Paula (03-03-15)

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## Pen

Thank you everyone for your comments this afternoon. My college mentor came and said that I needed to stop doing college work today and calm down. I took a lorzapan did a bit of gardening till my fingers got too cold and then curled up in bed and went to sleep. 

Most of the studio will be white but I may do the small amount of wall space upstairs in something warmer.

Thankfully the fuse box was replaced just before Christmas so all I needed to do was reset the switch thankfully. I don't know if the vacuum blew the fuse or if just the combination of the power tools being used in the garage plus the cleaner tripped it out. I am hoping it was the vacuum as I really hate it. It is very heavy and noisy, unfortunately hubby bought it for my birthday a few years ago so I have to tread carefully about getting rid of it!

Now the council..... OMG what a mess.
Firstly despite changing my address online then sending them a letter notifying them of the new address AND getting an email from them confirming that they have my new address a letter turned up this morning forwarded from the old address.

The letter said I had not sent them something but I was confused as to what they wanted so I rang them. The guy said that there was nothing they were waiting for, but I have been in this situation before where the council has told me that everything was in order only to get a letter a couple of days later saying they were cutting me off for not sending them stuff. The council seem to dream up stuff they want at random and when I send it I then get letters saying I have not sent it and they are cutting my benefits. Even sending stuff special delivery does not help. A friend has said he will come down to the council offices with me and we will take the stuff, trouble is I no longer am sure what it is they want!

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## rose

The council sound like right numpties.

It was probably a combination of everything going at once, but I seem to need a new vacuum cleaner at least once a year, once the cat hair gets in it its clogged up and nothing gets it out.
And no, I am not even doing this (although this cat looks a lot like my Lizzy):

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## Suzi

Lol Rose! 

Did you ask them for it in writing that you don't need to provide any other documentation?

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## Pen

Its no good asking the council to put anything in writing. Even when I have it in writing they seem to change their minds about what they want. 

Had a much better day today. Went into college and had a day sculpting and carving a giant fish. Not only was a lot of fun and very relaxing but my tutor came and was very approving of what I was doing (which was good as if he had not been he would have found himself WEARING a fish).
The builders are cracking on as well the upstairs is finished and will be ready to paint at the weekend. The bannisters are partly up and the old toilet and cubicle have been ripped out and a new cubicle is up. They have altered the light switch for me which I did not ask for but will be so useful. The way they have gone on I would not be surprised if they finish tomorrow.
I also have a date for the surveyor to come and measure up the garage doors so the window company can manufacture the windows. Hopefully it wont take too long to get them made and fitted. I am still hoping that I will be able to officially open my studio on the 1st April.

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## rose

This all sounds amazing! The studio sounds so fab!

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## Paula

That's fantastic, and the pics looked awesome!

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## Suzi

Wow! The builders seem to be moving fast!

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## Pen

Oh I so look forward to the end of this course! I love doing the practical and actually I don't mind the written work I just wish that there was not so much of it to be done at any one time. I am fed up to the back teeth with writing and giving presentations!! Had to give one today and will have to give another two in two weeks time! I have so much written work I have to do I don't know if I have time to do any practical and to make it worst it seems like I have to effectively do two research projects (whilst everyone else has to do one) as they have decided that my initial project does not cover enough about my own work but as the one I proposed covers the business elements I still have to do that as well.

I also came home to a letter from that bloody solicitor of S's. Even when I give him the good news that the house is going on the market he finds something to gripe about. It screws me up inside every time I even see that I have an email from him long before I read it. 

However the builder has finished. I have a lovely new loo and cubicle and bannister. I joked about that I now have a loo with out a hole in it (There was a toilet in situ when I came but there was a great hole in the bottom like something heavy had been dropped in it) he then confessed that when they arrived his son was bursting and peed in the old loo not realising that it was smashed and they had to mop it up quick!

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## Suzi

Oh no! At least they mopped it up! Can't believe they've finished already!

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## Paula

:(rofl):  bless him for being honest.

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## Pen

http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...20new%20studio

I have uploaded some pictures of the completed work.

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## rose

That's so funny about the broken toilet!!
Loving the studio  :):

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## Pen

You would think a builder would know better than to pee in a toilet just because its there!!

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## rose

Yeh you would LOL. 
The house is on the market, and solicitors will ALWAYS have a gripe, that's their job. It would be great if your hubby could maybe take a little more responsibility for this, you have always said that your financial lives are separate, does he think its fair to land you with the stress of this?

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## Pen

Well hubby belongs in another world. He has always been an innocent. All through our lives together he has relied on my to be the one to deal with official stuff. He's the practical, fix taps, hang shelves type of guy and together we have a partnership. At least he is going to get the house on the market.
My daughter said that I was only one who would ever have been able to persuade him.

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## Suzi

The studio looks fabulous!

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## Paula

It's stunning, Pen, I'm so glad you got the house you wanted, with the chance to build the studio you wanted.  You deserve this, lovely

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## Pen

Thanks. Not sure I do. I am still convinced something will go terribly wrong, it does not seem right that things are working out after so long. I am terrified that I will spend this money and no-one will come on my courses.

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## Pen

Oh why  does the sun have to be shining when I have so much college work to do? I keep looking at my empty pots through the window that are begging to have plants put in them. Knowing I have the plants and the compost is really not helping either!!

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## Suzi

Oh no! I know for me I'd have to do the pots in the sun!

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## Amaya

Hi Pen! So great to hear that you are doing so well  :):  You are someone I always wonder about even though I'm completely lame at actually messaging you. I've only just gotten around to reading this thread.

I've written down down so of your tips in the first post because I think it might really help me, so thanks for that too.

It is really exciting what you have done with your life. The pics look great. There's just one thing I was wondering about, and I really don't want to cause you any anxiety.. but you might want to check it out if you are planning to hold classes in that new workshop.. that is the gaps in the guarding on the stairs. I'm sure the building regs say you are not supposed to be able to get a 100mm sphere through the gaps, and not have anything that children will want to climb. Unless you can say that it is highly unlikely that young children will use the building. If it is just for your own private use only, please forget I said anything.. but otherwise it might be worth a conversation with your builder. It is an easy fix if that is a problem though. So no worries! It looks great  :): 

So lovely to see you.. and you are doing so well I really wouldn't worry about a few stressful times.. anyone would feel that way. You've come so far!  :):

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## Pen

Thanks Emmy I have messaged you.

The sun won in the end and I had to go and plant some pots. Did a bit more college research then thought I'll just pop up to Boots and get my meds and on the way I will get a tin of paint at Homebase.... WELL spent an hour and a half in Homebase and over £70, had to get someone to help me to the car! However now have a home for the raspberry bush we brought from the old house and the 4ft acer hubby brought back from his house (where he has been looking after it for the last 16 years (supposed to be a temporary arrangement) and the shrub that he brought to add a bit of height and greenery to our "yard". The previous owner obviously did not like gardening and the entire back garden has been paved. I was thinking I would take it up, but 
a: It seems a massive job, 
b: It is easy to clean and the dog does not bring so much mud in to the house, 
c: Having pots and planters gives me lots of flexibility to rearrange things as my fancy takes me and to bring seasonal plants in and out of show as required 
d: In the summer I will be able to extend classes to outside if the weather is good and 
e:Its rather grown on me!

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## Suzi

Well done! Sounds like a good day!

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## Pen

Right I have been up since 7. I showered and put clean clothes on. In the last 4 hours I have managed to get mud, coffee, nutella, hot cross bun and cereal down my front. Things are not boding well for me keeping clean whilst I do some painting and gardening!!

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## Suzi

Lol, I'm so glad it isn't just me who manages to do that!

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## Paula

Cleans overrated  :O:

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## Pen

Now I can add apricot jam to the list. Whilst I don't mind being this grubby I think I may have to change before I take Dad out for a cream tea this afternoon!

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## Suzi

oo I love apricot jam  :O:

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## Pen

ARRGGG Hubby!!
Spoke to him tonight and he is talking again of not selling and trying to get a loan. I think he has as much chance of doing so as flying to the moon but I can't persuade him.

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## Paula

Perhaps it's a process he needs to go through. If he tries, and gets rejected, maybe reality will hit? My hubby normally goes the same process and ends up doing what I said in the first place, so I sympathise!

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## Suzi

Oh and Marc... And my children..... I sympathise so much.

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## Pen

I think you are right, he will have to find out for himself.
Had a day of college research and painting, i miss having him around. I had hoped to get one of the men to dig a trench across the drive for the new electric cable but although my daughters bf said he would do it i am still waiting. Hubby said he will be over next week but that is only because someone wants a large hedge trimmed.

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## Paula

:(bear):

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## rose

> ARRGGG Hubby!!
> Spoke to him tonight and he is talking again of not selling and trying to get a loan. I think he has as much chance of doing so as flying to the moon but I can't persuade him.


Can you try a little bit of tough love? If he puts the place on the market you will continue to deal with his brother's solicitor, but if he doesn't then he will have to deal with his brother's solicitor?
Another option is that he could sell a part of the land to cover his brother's share?

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## Pen

Daughters bf started the trench today  :(clap):  however he found that 18 inches down was solid clay (lovely stuff would not have to do much to it to make pottery out of it). He worked for hours digging, but only managed about 5 feet of the 7 that is needed before he had to stop exhausted. So will have to wait another week before I can get my kiln. Was a bit naughty today. I had planned to go into college but daughter wanted to go and get some more fish for her tank. By the time I got back I was tired and jittery so I spent the afternoon painting the ceiling in the upstairs studio. Now I am totally whacked and too tired to do any homework.

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## Paula

Pain in the rear but ..... Free materials??

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## Suzi

Sounds like you'd be able to make some lovely things out of that clay!

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## Pen

Oh I would... However it will have to go back into the trench to fill over the power line.  :=(:

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## Paula

All of it?  :O:  and at least you know what's under your garden  :):

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## Pen

Yes pretty much. Unfortunately the whole of the back garden is paved so I can't really go mining... But the front garden has a little flowerbed which hubby thinks should go so we have more parking space, so I will be interested to get stuck in there in due course!

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## Suzi

In surprised you can contain yourself! I think I'd have to start digging!

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## Pen

I would love to but I have so little time! It was pointed out to us today that we only have 9 weeks left to get everything finished and handed in.

On another note Moodscope published me again today. They have been publishing my writings quite regularly so I am quite pleased. If you want to read it you will find it at http://moodscope.blogspot.co.uk/2015...f46d0-93277445

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Paula (10-03-15),rose (10-03-15)

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## Suzi

Great piece!

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## Paula

Love it

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## Pen

OK I am beginning to think I may have grounds for knocking my hubby on the head. At least it might knock some sense into him!  The estate agent came today along with a financial advisor. Surprise surprise he told hubby that he probably would not get a loan and that if he wanted he could tough it out with S and not sell (all things I had told him but suddenly he believed them!). Then he told hubby that maybe our kids could take out a mortgage to buy out S. Hubby likes this idea, the kids DO NOT. Hubby says that he would make the payments just that the mortgage would be in their names but my daughter in particular is worried about how he will make the payments particularly when he retires.

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## Paula

That's a lot to expect from the kids, especially as it may scupper their chances of getting their own place some day.

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## rose

OK, I am going to share something here that I have never mentioned before.
My dad asked me to take out a loan for him in his name when I was 18. I did as I was told.
He then denied the conversation had taken place and left me with all the repayments, for some £8000.
I would strongly advise your children against taking out the loan for their dad. Hubby needs to sort this out himself.

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree that it seems like an awful lot to ask of your children...

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## Pen

I got stuck with a mortgage for half the family home at 21 by my dad who I bailed out of a financial mess. The result was that not only did I have to meet the payments but I was stuck with my mum and dad living with me until I was well into my 40's! No I think the idea stinks. I have an alternative plan which I am going to have to propose to him by stealth. 
1. He sells the house
2. Pays off S
3. Gives my kids a quarter share to invest and use as a deposit sometime in the future 
4. He and M put their money together and buy a house and live in it.

To "help" him agree I plan to print off details of various properties in his area that he could afford so that he can see that there are options that are not as terrible as he is imagining!

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## rose

Pen, do you mean the house you had to sell so that your sibling could get their money?

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## Pen

Yes it was a bummer!

I had hoped that seeing me move into a house that is all mine, which is actually better for us would help to make him see the world does not end with selling a house. It has helped a bit but every time he goes back to Wales the property there tugs at his heartstrings again.

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## rose

The problem is that the house is totally impractical for living in though? It doesn't have running hot water or heating?
Realistically, he is not going to be able to live there when he is older unless he does a major upgrade to the house....He cannot be chopping wood or looking after all that land when he is in his 80s.

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## Suzi

I think your plan makes so much more sense and is definitely better for the children or they will end up in the same situation if one of them needs to sell later in life...

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## Pen

Hubby seems to think that he could get a doctor to say that M would be better if he stayed put, but I am sure that if any doctor saw the condition of the house he would say that M would be better somewhere else!

Had a marathon session with my ceramics tutor today and we have hatched a plan for the end of year piece of artwork. Trouble is that I will have to finish the main centre piece (a 4 foot high 3 foot wide fish) by the end of the Easter holidays if we are going to get it dried and fired in time. That is just 4 weeks away. It is achievable but I will need to spend a LOT of time in college working on it, which with all the other written work I have to do is making me feel a bit submerged.  :(sweat):

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## Suzi

I can understand the submerged feeling, but if you wrote a really good plan setting out well by week then I'm sure you'll manage it. I can't wait to see pics of your fish, it sounds epic!

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## Paula

I think your plan of action sounds brilliant. Stealth .....

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## rose

Hubby really needs to face facts and let go. I think you need to step back and let him come to the realisation by himself, so you can concentrate on your college work!
I can't wait to see more of your art!

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## Pen

Thanks Suzi, my tutor said the same thing, I will have to see if I can find a good way of doing it electronically as if I write it on paper I would just lose it at the moment!

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## Pen

Found a great liitle app that works between my phone and laptop so that every time i think of something i have to do i can note it and it will synch beween the devices. Been flat out carving for the last two days. Here at college at the.moment having a break.

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## Suzi

That sounds like a brilliant ap!

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## Angie

Sounds like a good app hun x

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## Pen

Yes it is. You can catagorise  the tasks into whatever groups you want and set completion dates and reminders. There is also a function to show you what tasks you have to complete that day or that week.

Had some good news and bad news when I got home. The council have given me a refund of £600 on my old house... and sent me a bill of £1300 on my new one. It seems that all the stuff we have struggled to do to get the council tax benefit in the past has been closed with the old house and we have to start all over again.  I am devastated. It seems that it is a constant battle all the time.  :=(:

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## Paula

Oh no  :(:

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## Pen

With some trepidation I rang the council as I have had such bad experiences ringing them that I am not sure that I can believe anything they say. However the girl I talked to seemed to be on top of the situation and said that the two accounts had now been linked and that I would actually only have to pay just over £300 so I am quite relieved.
HOWEVER feeling that I can conquer the world I rang Talk Talk... OMG what a shower!! Its a very long story. I have been trying to get a response from them for a few weeks over the latest cock up. I was a just a little surprised to get a bill this month for £107 when I was expecting it to be about £35. I have emailed them, used the online chat service and finally this evening rang them (I try to avoid ringing them as you end up on hold for ages, my record is 45 minutes). Part of the issue is that we have been charged £30 for an engineer who we cancelled. They say we did not cancel him, we say we did. My son said he called the number they gave us to cancel and got an automated service saying to leave a message with the date and time of the appointment we want to cancel. Talk Talk say that there is no such thing.... We also talked to the engineer who rang and said we did not need him and who said he would cancel the call BUT apparently (although we did not know this) the engineer was a contractor and was not actually able to cancel the call. 
I am so irate about this I don't know whether to cry or scream! 
SO tonight I will AGAIN write a letter of complaint to TalkTalk head office...... If it was not for YouView I think I would leave them, but I am not sure that anyone else is any better!

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## Suzi

Wow, that's brilliant that you've sorted the council. We use BT for phone/net/tv and have found them to be pretty good, but it's always dependent on area too...

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## Pen

Part one of operation stealth was put into action this morning. I printed off pictures of about 8 possible properties last night and this morning after he had a good nights sleep in a warm house I plied him with tea and biscuits and just laid the pictures on the bed.  He took the bait and had a browse. He was not critical of the places although having made a big fuss about not living in a town a few weeks ago he grumbled that all the places I had selected were out in the country and that it be better for M to be living in a town! 
Still I did not discuss the places with any depth and once he had looked through them I talked instead about other stuff which I knew would distract him. The seeds have been planted....

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## Suzi

Woohoo! Well done! Always best to plant the seeds and let them work out that it's all their own decisions... lol....

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## Pen

and the winner of the most stupid idiot of 2015 goes to........

Pen

Since we have moved in (about 6 weeks ago) I have noticed that the fridge does not seem to be as cold as it was in our last house. I tried turning it down but it did not seem to make much difference. Yesterday hubby commented on it not being very cold so he pulled it out to check the plug.... It was plugged in but not switched on..... 6 weeks and it has not been switched on at the wall. (I do now have a dim memory of the removal man saying "give it a few hours for the liquids to settle before you turn it on" but it seems that bit slipped my mind).

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## Angie

not a stupid idiot at all hun its something a lot of people would do including me,

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## Pen

Yes but 6 weeks and I did not realise! and to make matters worst I had decided there was a fault with the fridge and have ordered a new fridge freezer!

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## Angie

Opps hun, can you cancel the new one and get a refund? or maybe sell it if not able to cancel it?

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## Suzi

Oops! I'd have done the same thing!

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## Pen

Well its not such a disaster really. We needed a fridge freezer anyway as we only have a fridge in the house and a freezer out in the garage/studio which is a pain. I can keep the fridge now I know its working and use it out in the studio to keep milk and drinks in for my students. What was surprising was how well stuff kept in what was basically an insulated cupboard!

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## Angie

Sounds like a win win situation there hun

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## Pen

Quote of the weekend from hubby. Whilst watching TV one of the characters says "You know, I sometimes think that the missus loves that dog more than me". I turn to hubby and ask "Is that what you think?" to which he replied

"No, I don't think that, I KNOW that"  :(rofl):

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Paula (15-03-15)

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## Suzi

All good then? lol!

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## rose

I laughed about the fridge, sorry Pen.
When mine packed up, OH said to me 'I think there is something wrong with the fridge' and I snapped at him 'Don't be so dramatic, its fine, its probably just got too much stuff in it'. Oh, how I ate my words 2 days later when everything inside the fridge went off!
I am actually pretty impressed you had the fridge for 6 weeks and didn't constantly have food going off in there.

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## S deleted

the fridge story....thats the kinda thing that would normally happen to me and talk talk are just plain idiots. I've been in dispite with them for almost 2 yrs and the will not budge and I will not pay.

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## Pen

Hi Stella I have found the best way to sort out talk talk is to write to the Head Office complaints dept in the UK (the address is really hard to find but if you want it I will PM you) last time I got a really nice guy in the UK and he sorted everything out so I am composing another letter to go to them! 

As for the fridge the only thing that went off was a raw chicken breast and BOY did it STINK!!!

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## Pen

Well 5:15 already where has the day gone!!
All I have managed to do today is:
A 45 minute walk with Ember
Pot up three large shrubs (5 big bags of compost)
Fill three troughs with compost and plant another 4 shrubs and 30 summer bulbs.
Plant up a sage, parsley and thyme
Rearrange the tubs into a better layout
Clear up the rubbish in the garden and sweep the garden (our whole back garden is paved)
Hoover the hall and sitting room
Give my ceiling another coat of paint

I still need to walk Ember again
Wash the bathroom window (my daughter tried and now its terrible) Fix frosted plastic to the window before we scare the neighbours!.
Clean the shower and the bath (My daughter said she would do it but I think I will grow mould before she does)
Wash the kitchen, hall and dining room floors
Put a coat of paint on my bedroom wall
Tidy up my sitting room
Have a shower and scrap the paint I have sprayed all over me me off
and then I may have a bit of time to do some college art work.

and this is my day off!!

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## Suzi

Wow! so busy! I hope you are going to get some rest too!

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## Angie

Try and find some chill time hun x

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## Pen

Well I have done the bathroom windows. 
My body is finally rebelling! I sat down to eat dinner and now I don't think I can move...

Will tidy up the sitting room and call it a day. I may even consider having a bath.... It will be the first use of the bath in this house but more importantly the first bath I have had for about three years!... Seeing myself floating in water is something not great!! Beached whales comes to mind!

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## Suzi

OO A Bath? With bubbles? Sounds amazing!

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## rose

Pen, I hope you had a lovely long soak in the bath as a reward for all your hard work today. It sounds like you got lots done!

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## Pen

The bath did not happen. By the time i had finished fixing the wallpaper in my sitting room and washed up the dinner things and cleaned the kitchen it was too late.

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## Suzi

Oh no, that seems a shame! I hope you are scheduling in in bath time this week!

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## Pen

Another packed week ahead!
Today I would have liked to go into college but I have to go up the hospital for a routine scan this morning and I am hoping TalkTalk/BT will come today and fix my fibre broadband so it works properly. I am only getting 3-5Mb when I should be getting over 30 and I am really chessed off about it. I also need to get my laptop fixed so need to get onto the support company.
This week I need to:-
Do a large amount of research on business and art
Finish writing and publish a survey on art tourism (which I am hoping you all may be able to help me with!)
Write up the results of the last survey
Write up my literature review
Finish carving my big fish sculpture
Make the base for the sculpture
Paint the walls and the floor in the upstairs studio
Wire up a lamp for an exhibition next week
Chase up my missing driving licence
Tax the car
Start painting my bedroom (I am fed up with the shocking pink that the previous owner painted it!)

So if I am not around much this week you will know why  :P:

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## Paula

Pen! I'm exhausted just looking at your lists! Good to hear you so motivated though  :):

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## Pen

Having a rocky spell tonight. I waited in all day for the BT man but he never came. I don't have anything in writing to say he was coming just a phone call I had last week. I am not sure what to do now and it is making me really anxious. Plus when I was out with Ember she was bullied by a pit bull, she started screaming and the owner got quite aggressive about the noise she was making. Ember was not hurt, it was a way of warning other dogs and being submissive so she did not provoke a fight but it has really shook me up. Also I took a letter to post but the issue with the dog meant I retraced my steps and did not pass a letter box, however when I put my hand in my pocket I found I had lost the letter. I did find it eventually on the path close to home it was raining so the letter is soaked. It is not my letter its a letter for the previous tenant from the tax office (he probably has not paid that). I am anxious tonight that soon we will get a visit from a bailiff trying to recover some of the debts that the previous tenant has developed. I have been sending a regular stream of letters back to debt agencies, traffic fine offices, car insurance enforcement agencies, council tax and now the income tax. This guy seemed to be very good at spending other peoples money and then moving on before they catch up with him and leave everyone else to deal with his mess.

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## rose

Why are you anxious about the BT man? Can you call their customer service and ask why he didn't turn up?

The incident with the other dog is understandably scary. I thought that pit bulls were on the list of dogs that have to be closely controlled?

Send all the letters back for the previous occupier and write on them 'not at this address'. If a bailiff comes, you can explain that the person they are looking for has left the property. If you search for your property here: http://www.rightmove.co.uk/house-prices.html you will probably find it on the list as recently been bought, that's pretty good proof that it's recently changed occupiers (it can take a few weeks to show up on the list).

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## Angie

Ring up tomorrow about the bt man not turning up hun.

Pitbulls are not allowed out without being muzzled and they have to be licensed aswell, and also not breed from, are you sure it wasnt a Staffordshire bull terrier hun? though again that is a strong breed and similar in looks to a pitbull.

Hun if any bailliffs turn up tell them that the previous person has left the property and you moved in on such a date,

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## Suzi

:Panda:  Sounds like quite a day hunni. I hope you can chill out now and spend some time relaxing.

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## Pen

I am pretty sure it was a pit bull, there was two of them male and female, I am certain that the couple was breeding from them, the bitch looked like she had not long had a litter and the male was certainly not neutered. When I first encountered them I thought they were boxers, but when they got closer they certainly were not. They were much bigger than a staffy. I certainly was not going to challenge them about being muzzled and bred from. To be fair they were not vicious Ember was intimidated by the size and by being chased by a dog who wanted to pinch her ball.

I know I should not be fazed by the BT guy not coming but I am just so full of anxiety that I can't understand.

I have been returning all the letters and I do have a receipt from my solicitor as proof of my purchase but I don't want them at the door at all.

This evening I have been feeling very vulnerable, I have shut all the blinds and shut the door, I just want to hide and never see anyone again.

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## Angie

It could be one or two other breeds aswell hun. But some Staffys are quite big if you get the long legged one

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## Pen

Im not bothered about what the breed was I would have felt the same if it was a german shepherd, or a boxer, it was the attitude of the owners that phased me.

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## Angie

Sadly you do get some owners that are not the best hun, there really isnt much that you cna do about them, but try not to let it get to you hun,the main thing is that both you and Ember are ok.

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## Suzi

How are things today Pen?

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## Pen

A little better. Really don't want to go to college, or even leave the house, still feeling anxious but we have another presentation today so I will need to be there, and maybe it will help. However I am coming home at lunch time to see my mentor as my daughter is working all day and I don't want to leave Ember from 9 - 5 on her own.

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## Suzi

That sounds like you are pushing through and I think you are doing so well. It's not surprising that you had a wobble yesterday, things like that unsettle anyone..

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## Paula

You're so strong, hunni. I agree with Suzi that anyone would have been shaken up by that.  Hope college helps you today x

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## Pen

Managed only two hours in college before I felt that I had to get out of there and get home. I was feeling so cold and anxious that I curled up in bed with the dog for an hour when i got home. My mentor came and I had a cry about everything which made me feel a bit better for a while. She said that I was trying to do too much and that I needed to just rest and concentrate on my carving. 
Lit the fire and did some carving and the anxiety is back.
On the good side it seems that my fibre broadband is finally connected and I am getting about 37Mb this afternoon so I can finally listen to Radio 4 extra catch up without it pausing every few minutes to for it to catch up.

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## Angie

Glad that the broadband is sorted hun, and that you have spoken to your mentor, try and find a way to relax now and chill x

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## Paula

:(bear):  some rest sounds like a very good idea

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## Pen

Went to take the dog out and found I had a message on the phone. It seems that the BT engineer tried to visit this morning. Thankfully he did not need to get in. I am most annoyed as I specifically told them that the only times I would be here are Monday afternoon and Wednesday. What was the point of them asking when I would be available if they will take no notice!
I am supposed to be cooking dinner tonight but I am just too tired and anxious to try and prepare food. I think we will have to have a pizza tonight, at least its two for Tuesday at Dominos.
I just want to go back to bed.

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## Suzi

Hooray for take away places! Glad you spoke to your mentor hunni..

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## rose

You're doing really well Pen. Try to keep telling yourself there is no need to be anxious. Its unlikely you will encounter that couple and their dogs again, the broadband is fixed, and try not to worry about bailiffs if they haven't been. I think usually you get letters from bailiffs before you get a visit, and if that happens you can call them and explain he no longer lives there.
You are probably doing too much, you seem to have big bursts of activity followed by lows.. and I know you have a lot to do, but maybe you should prioritise certain tasks and leave others (such as decorating the house) to a time when you have more free time.
Noone is going to think you are lazy if you don't do everything on your list.
 :(bear):

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Paula (24-03-15)

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## Pen

Thank you Rose. I know there is no need to be anxious, that does not stop the anxiety attacks. I was feeling anxious before the incidents on Monday, generally recently those sorts of things would not have bothered me at all, I had been so much better and able to cope with stuff like that, but this week I just am not coping. 
I am supposed to be in college again today to present my work but I have a vet appointment at 12:15 and whilst I would normally go in afterwards I will spend the day at home. My ceramics tutor knows what I am doing so he can tell the others or failing that they will have to catch up with me after Easter. I have a section of the fish sculpture here at home so I can work on it and not feel guilty that I am wasting time. 
My mentor was right I have been driving myself too hard, especially last weekend. I am just so desperate to get the upstairs of the garage finished as so much hinges on it being done. Once it is done we can move some of the furniture that is filling the downstairs of the garage into place. I can then start sorting through what is left and get on and sell what we don't want. I can then get the freezer moved and make enough space to get the kiln delivered. I can also make enough space for the workmen to be able to fit the new patio doors and side window. They are coming on the 13th April. Until I get the studio done I can't start offering courses which means I have no money coming in and I am scared that I will get to the end of the course and have no income coming to pay the bills.

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## Paula

Well done for making the decision to put yourself first - but try not to do too much at home x

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## Pen

I didn't set the alarm last night and slept till 8:20 so I managed to get a 6 hour straight stretch. (Ember normally gets me up just before 7). I feel better but fragile, I know it would not take much to knock me backwards.
I will try and take it easy today, I can move the sculpture to the kitchen table and work in the sunshine that is streaming through the patio doors. I may also take a sketch book out with me when I walk the dog in a bit and make some drawings of the buds breaking on the hedges and trees and the blossoms. Hopefully there wont be too many people around to think I have gone mad!

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Paula (25-03-15)

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## Suzi

I think that all sounds like a really good plan!

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## Pen

Now I know that I am not right. Normally I can walk with Ember for hours, this morning after 20 minutes I had to find somewhere to sit down and my sketches are terrible! It was a real struggle to walk back home.
I am contemplating taking the dog to the vet in the car at 12 which is stupid. Its only a 15 minute walk and because of the one way system it would probably take longer to drive!!

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## Paula

:(bear):  are you coming down with something do you think?

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## Pen

I don't know, all I know is that I can hardly stand without feeling exhausted. Apart from that I don't feel that I have anything wrong. Its so frustrating I have so much that I need to do but all I want to do is go back to bed and sleep.

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## Suzi

Are you not sleeping properly at night?

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## Pen

Well my typical night is:-
In bed by 10:15
Asleep by 10:45
Awake at 1:00am
Back to Sleep at 2:00am
Awake at 6:45am
Its been like this ever since Ember came into my life and I don't think it will change :-)

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## rose

Pen, I sometimes get a few days of feeling very tired. This can be caused by hormonal stuff, a virus, or it can be that I am exhausted.
You've been very anxious and that is going to take it out of you. I think you should go back to bed and get yourself some sleep.
And please don't think when I said 'there is no need to worry' that I was in any way belittling your anxiety, I was trying to reassure you.
I get anxiety over the most ridiculous things so I know what its like to have totally unreasonable illogical anxiety that just won't budge, its so frustrating.
 :(bear):

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## Pen

My daughter is threatening to frog march me to bed after I said that I really needed to do some more carving, so I am going to take my new book on making ceramic glazes from local materials such as seaweed and go to bed.
I will have to go into college tomorrow but I am really not feeling like it at the moment I am hoping I feel a bit better in the morning.

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## Suzi

Hope you get a good nights sleep hun.

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## Paula

Rest up hunni and, can I ask what's the worst thing that can happen if you don't go into college?

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## Pen

Well i have to take in a piece that is going to an exhibition on Easter sunday. Tomorrow will be my last chance to get it to the person who is going to take it for me. College breaks up on Friday.

Having gone to bed early i find i just cant sleep. Reading my new book really did not help as my mind has first been considering the science of using brambles in a glaze and then mentally reviewing the book for my literature review and considering how the flora and geology of the outer hebrides differs from somerset and what i can use from the book. In the end i have given up and gone and done the washing up!

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## Pen

Got to sleep eventually after a weird half awake half asleep dream that the pub opposite had called the fire brigade. Anyway it was still there when I woke up this morning so I don't know what was going on there in my head!
Really annoyed with myself this morning. I went to check how much I still owed on the credit card after I sent a payment to it last week to find that the payment was not appearing. When I checked my bank statement I discovered I have paid the wrong card! It is REALLY frustrating, I don't know what came over me but I paid £400 to a card that I don't use and that I no longer even know where the actual card is yet alone the pin. Meanwhile of course I still had to pay the active card so I have had to transfer more money out of the account at a time when things are getting tough. Now I have the hassle of trying to get the £400 back....

Ember got me up at 6:30 this morning, so I will go into college for a while and see how I get on but at the moment I am still feeling really tired and worn out.

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## Paula

Oh no! What a pain in the backside! I hope you get that money back quickly xx

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## Angie

Hope you manage to sort out the card hun,

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## Suzi

Oh no! Easy done though...

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## Pen

It was a good job i went in I had a tutorial with my ceramics tutor. It was a bit frustrating though as I had built a corner of a triangular base that was 1m high. However I had rather studiedly forgotten to measure the kiln so he came in, took one look and said "That wont fit..." We hacked 7 inches off it but then he was concerned that being triangular the fish wont sit on top, so off he goes to make a square former. However he used the timber I had been using to hold up the work I had done and so that was destroyed. 2 hours of work up the swannie! Now has been rebuilt but then he looks at what I have done and says that it needs to be reworked....
Also whilst I was off he and another tutor had a look at the fish and decided that they don't like the eyes. I have to rethink how I give my fish their eyes....
He also upset me (without meaning to) by saying that the tutors thought what I had planned for the end of the year show was so much better than the silly stuff I had been messing around with. He means my mud dragons... I am rather proud of the idea of mud dragons...
Was so busy all day I did not get time for lunch and came home feeling quite suicidal, cooking dinner now so hopefully I will better afterwards.

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## Suzi

Hugs hunni... If you are feeling low don't suffer alone. Call for help if you need it.

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## Paula

I like your mud dragons. Can you keep them for your own personal stuff, ie not college work?  Hunni, please call someone if you need to  :(bear):

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## rose

Mud dragons? Can I see a picture?
 :Panda:

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## Pen

Food definatly helps. I had nothing to eat from 11 till 6. Trouble with working with clay you can't really grab a mouthful whilst you work as you are covered in mud and stopping means spraying the work down with water, wrapping with cling film and then scrubbing yourself clean so I tend to keep putting it off and with this piece of work time thunders by and it is late afternoon before you know it. 
I am fine now, although I could only eat half of what I had cooked.

As for the mud dragons they wont be seen in college again  :Mooning:  when I have my own kiln I can make whatever I like!

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## Pen

The mud dragons have their own web site, although it is a little out of date as I have put the project on the back burner for a bit whilst I finish college. http://muddragons.wordpress.com

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## Suzi

I love your mud dragons!

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## Pen

Right, out of bed and raring to take on the world... No wait......False alarm  :(snooze): 

Will have to drag myself upstairs and wash and dress. I will have to go into college and work on the base as I have to make four quarters before the end of easter break and each one will need a couple of days to dry enough to stand on its own when I have finished it before I can start another one. Still at least it will be quiet, the really noisy student in the room the other side of the partition is only in on Wednesday and Thursday. I am sure she is a lovely lady but she has a voice like a foghorn and loves to give an opinion of everything... loudly (I sometimes wonder why she is doing that course she seems to know it all already!)

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Paula (27-03-15)

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## Suzi

lol! I think we all know people like that!

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## Pen

Managed to get one segment of the base 90% done, but dipstick here forgot to take any pictures! After the weekend hopefully it will dry enough to come off the mould and then I just have to tidy up any rough edges (getting clay smooth is an art, you have to tackle it at just the right state of dryness, not too wet, and not too dry although if it gets too dry there is always sandpaper and wire wool!!). Was not quite as quiet as I had hoped as my friend Linda was in, but apart from the difficulty of escaping a long conversation about all the flights she has ever taken at lunchtime it was not much of a problem. It was nice when she went at 3 though as I could put my music on and boogie whilst I carved (I think the cleaner believes I am touched in the head).
I had a nice surprise today, yesterday one of the mature first years came and asked if I could reset her MS Word as she had managed to get double line spacing and could not work out how to put it back to single line. A nice easy job which I showed her how to do without even having to wash the clay off my hands. Today she brought me a box of Maltesers... nom nom. This IT support stuff is very profitable  :8):

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Paula (27-03-15)

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## Suzi

That sounds like a good day hunni!

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## Pen

"Some days I wake up grumpy... some days I let him sleep!" 
This morning I woke him up.... Why when he has do something for me or the kids does he have to be so miserable about it. My son passed his driving test just over a week ago. Last Saturday, son, Dad and me went car hunting. I hated it and was ready to throttle hubby by the time I got back. This Sat son asked Dad if he would take him out again to try and find a car. Dad has grumpily gone out with son. Son is upset as he was really excited about getting his first car but feels that neither me or his dad want to help him with this.   :S:

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## Paula

I'm sure, once they get going, dad will have just as much fun as son would want  :):

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## Pen

Well they still have not got a car. But my son goes away to see his GF in Germany this week so we will have a car break over Easter!

Its Sunday again. Why do I struggle with Sundays so much? 
Got to wash the kitchen floor (fed up of waiting for my daughter to do it)
Do some painting
and walk the dog. But Ember does not want to go out so it will be a battle in this weather!

Hubby said this morning "I'll paint that bare wall in the studio for you today" I then pointed out that he could not as we have driving rain and that wall gets saturated. It needs to be painted when it is bone dry. I should have done it this week but... well... you know what happened!. Dont know if he will offer to do any thing else. He has gone off for his usual sunday morning excursion to the big Car Boot Sale at Cheddar (its indoors on days like today). I expect he will come back and say he will go back to Wales early.

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## Paula

Oh hunni ...... Could you not ask him to stay an extra day each time?

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## Suzi

Oh Pen! Could part of the reason why you find Sundays difficult be because he goes back to Wales?

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## Pen

> Could you not ask him to stay an extra day each time?


No. He works Monday to Friday in Wales




> Could part of the reason why you find Sundays difficult be because he goes back to Wales?


 Yes quite probably, but I also think its because I am tired by Sunday.

Hubby has been fab this afternoon. The wall was quite dry when we went out there so he has painted it. It was a tricky job as it is the wall that the staircase runs up so involved propping ladders to be able to reach. We are both hoping it does not need a second coat. Whilst he did that I was able to get a second coat on the walls. Still need to finish off the gloss and put some paint on the floor (as much to trap the fine dust that is up there as anything!) but I am beginning to feel the end is in sight!!

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Paula (29-03-15)

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## Angie

Sounds like a good afternoon hun x

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## Pen

I feel so dead inside again this morning. I could really do with a break from college and get the room finished. I think I feel I am running hard to stay still. I have to go into college every day through the holidays. Meanwhile at home I have paperwork piling up everywhere, some of it college related but a lot related to the house. Apart from one confusing letter from the council (having told me on the phone that I dont need to send them anything they have sent me a letter asking why I have not sent the stuff they asked for) the paperwork does not need anything doing with it generally, it is just companies I need to tell I have moved and stuff for filing.
I am a bit upset this morning about messages that are flying around from my college friends about an upcoming exhibition. The person who is organising it is getting very stressed about it and complaining that most of us have not helped her (including me) I am upset as whilst I have not helped her much I only have one piece in, I paid her when she wanted the money (even though she said it would not cost us anything) and I was not that bothered about the exhibition anyway.

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## Suzi

Hugs hunni... Can you do a shorter day in college today?

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## Pen

Just did 3 hours at college. Supposed to be meeting friends for coffee this afternoon but there has been a mix up and they are not here yet.

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## Pen

Ember has become such a fair weather dog. Just tried to take her for a walk. Its not raining but it very overcast. We got 100yds from the front door and she turned round and insisted on going back...

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## Suzi

I can't blame her! Did your friends turn up for coffee?

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## Pen

Yes we eventually managed to get together.

I have gone to bed in a sulk. My daughter has been home all day with her bf. As far as I can tell she has done practically nothing all day. Her washing up is left in the kitchen for me to do. BF bought her a bunch of flowers so there was leaves spread all over the kitchen and cooker. Although they obviously went to the local Tesco she had not bothered to get any of things we needed like bread, milk and toilet paper even though she is supposed to do the shopping rather than pay rent. She was supposed to be cooking dinner tonight but by 8 with no sign of her going to prepare anything I reheated a left over chinese from Saturday as I was so hungry. Whilst she and BF have spent the day in their sitting room watching videos Ember has been going through the recycling and when I got in my sitting room was covered in little bits of tin foil. Of course Ember had eaten some of this so I have had to cope with Ember being sick over the sofa, and when I came up here I found she had been sick all over the bed so I have had to change the bed and then try and dry the duvet on the radiator.
I am seriously  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off, angry and upset.
I cant say anything as she twists everything around to make it my fault (apparently its my fault that I did not remind her earlier that time was getting on). She learnt that from my Mum. :@:

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## rose

To be honest, I think you are totally within your rights to feel  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off Pen.
Does your husband ever get involved with talking to the kids when they are taking the mick?

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## Suzi

I'd be furious! I think you are well within your rights to be angry..

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## Pen

Hubby just backs up their behaviour. He never expects them to do anything and disapproves when I ask either of them to do something like vacuum the floor or wash up. If he knows I have asked them to do it he will go and do it himself. If he is home he will drive them if he knows that they are planning to catch the bus. 

It frustrates me as my daughter is very responsible and conscientious at work (she has been promoted because of it) but she seems to leave all responsibility at the front door when she comes home. Its the little things that annoy me most. She expects that someone (me) will maintain things, for example I have managed to train them to change the toilet roll, but neither of them ever take the cardboard inner down to the recycling box or take the new packet from the hall to the bathroom. There is a cup in the bathroom that has been there for days but again neither of them would think to take it down. My daughter had a bath on Sunday night, her boots are still in the bathroom. I am the only one who cleans the toilet/ shower/ bath without being asked. She wont take note when we need supplies such as milk. She wont put things away like the peanut butter or tomato sauce when they are left out (usually by her). When she is cooking she will never throw the packets or cartons away just leaves them on the work surface for me to clear up when I wash up. She will never clear up the dogs mess, not just the stuff in the garden but Ember sometimes decides to destuff her toys around the house or gets hold of paper and shreds it but I am the only one who will pick up the bits. She has decided that she wants to have a vegetable garden but it will be me who will need to fill up the containers and plant the seeds and water and tend them. When she has been out shopping she just leaves the carrier bags in the hall or the kicking around the kitchen (sometimes with the stuff still in them till I unpack it, and yes, that includes new clothes).
Oh I could rant on for hours!!!

----------


## rose

Two possible solutions for you. 
One. Pick up all her mess, including the rubbish, put it in a black sack and put the sack in her bedroom. 
Two. Charge her rent and take money off when she does her jobs. 

Hubby is spoiling them but he doesn't have to deal with the fall out.

----------


## Suzi

I'm completely with Rose on this one... Be tough hunni and don't let them walk all over you!

----------


## Paula

My youngest does this - but she's 13!!! And I don't let her get away with it. Hunni, you need to change things - putting your foot down, the suggestions Rose have said make sense

----------


## Angie

I do agree with the others hun x

----------


## Pen

Thank you everyone for making me feel like a total failure as a parent...

----------


## Paula

Oh hunni, that's not what we wanted to do, she's an adult and needs to grow up and learn responsibility - that's not on you, that's on her.  There always comes a time when its up to them to take hold of the reins of their lives and this is her time. You have more than enough to do, without clearing up after your adult daughter and she should see that without being reminding.

----------


## Angie

No one was wanting to make you feel like that hun, but she is old enough to pull her weight

----------


## Suzi

> Thank you everyone for making me feel like a total failure as a parent...


I don't know why you would feel that's what we were doing? We were supporting you and agreeing that you shouldn't be doing it all! We are on your side!

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## Pen

Sorry, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment, had written feedback about my artwork from the tutors and it and the mark upset me.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Angie

:(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! What did they say?  :Panda:

----------


## Pen

That my worked lacked cohesion and so I would only get a C grade based on my work so far. 

Spent the last 4 hours on my feet making the sides for the base of the sculpture, I am just hoping that this sculpture works and I can claw some marks back. A C grade is a 2:2 and I was hoping that I would get at least a 2:1. It annoys me a bit as I have been using my time to learn a lot about ceramics, ceramic materials and techniques but I suspect that my classmate who has done nothing but make little goblin heads and stick them to driftwood all year, using the same techniques and materials will have been given a higher mark.

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## Paula

Hey Pen, lovely, it doesn't matter, really, whether it's a 2:1 or a 2:2. Your customers are never going to ask, no one else is going to know anything other than that you passed - when going through some pretty big things in your personal life too.  You love what you do, and that is very obvious, and that's what people respond to

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## Pen

It matters to me, I have never been an A grade student, always mediocrity and I would like to get as good a mark as I can get.

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## Paula

What's more important? Your grade or getting your business up and running?

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## Pen

Very true. Spent a couple of hours painting the floor in the upstairs studio this evening when I got home. A bit frustrated as I had one square metre left to paint when I ran out... Another tub is going to cost £15.  But then I may be in a position to move furniture in. Once I can do that I can start to sort out the stuff downstairs, once that is done I can move the freezer, once that is done I can get the kiln delivered and once I have the kiln I can start advertising courses...  

I am so scared...

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Paula (02-04-15)

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## Paula

You'll be awesome - because it means so much to you  :):

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## Suzi

Paula is right. It does mean a lot to you and I think you'd be a brilliant teacher and inspiration to everyone you come into contact with..

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## Pen

Thank you.  :(blush): 

Kicking myself from here to kingdom come this morning. I had a restless night so took a lorazapam to help me sleep. Woke up at 9 to the sound of the bins being emptied. Mine was not out there... They usually come at around 12 so I had not put the wheely out. It is full and really needed emptying. I am such a pile of crap.

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## Suzi

No you aren't, you just didn't take your bin out. That doesn't make you anything bad at all.

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## Pen

This morning I am feeling the whole world is bad. The gov is only trying to make its friends rich, the poor and disabled are not wanted. People are abandoning pets to starve and celebraties are belittling mental health. I dont know that I want to be part of this world anymore.

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## Paula

Pen, the bins are not a big deal, at all. The rest, hunni, is perspective.  You're having a bad day, sweetheart, and it will pass.

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## Suzi

Call someone if you need help hunni... but Paula is right. It's a blip hunni...

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## magie06

Pen the world is full of corrupt politicians and they say the same things and make the same promises the world over. I'm convinced that they all sing from the same hymn sheet. The promises are all the same. The people in opposition always swear that they'll make changes that the government have brought in. Here they are all talking about the water charges. The government wants to bring them in and of course the opposition want to do away all the charges.

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## Paula

How are you today, lovely?

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## Pen

Been a funny old day. Hubby stuck around all day and helped finish off the upstairs studio. Now got the furnature up there and a load of boxes cleared into the attic and upstairs ready to be unpacked. Took Dad out to do some shopping this afternoon BUT when I came back I totally miscalculated the gateway and hit it... badly. Probably done nearly £1000 of damage to the car  :=(:

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## Angie

Sounds like both a good and bad day hunni, there is little you can do now about the car, as its Easter, get some quotes on monday it might surprise you and not be as bad as you think

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## rose

Oh no! I never got my car fixed after I hit it on a post - twice. Its so annoying and frustrating, but look around you, so many cars are dented and scratched, it happens more than people let on.
Great news about the studio  :):

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## magie06

Great news about the studio Pen. You worked hard to get this far. Sorry about the car. At least therè was no other vehicle involved.

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## Pen

Oh this is bad... It was a concrete post. However I will have a chat with the insurance company next week and see if I can get it fixed without losing my no claims. If not then I will live with it. 

Looking forward to shifting a load of paperwork out of my sitting room and getting set up in the studio tomorrow and having a siting room that just that rather than an office, art room and sitting room. Bit frustrated though as I STILL cant find the box with my drawing pens in it. Also plugged the tumble dryer in and all the lights went out. So tumble dryer goes to the tip tomorrow.

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## rose

Your electrics might be super sensitive... does it keep tripping the fuse?

Yep, my car was on a concrete post too, a dent and scratches on both sides...I just left it as is. Some guy at a garage offered to fix it for 500 cash but I was worried I'd never see my car again as he said he'd have to 'take it somewhere to do it'.

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## Paula

As long as it's driveable, try to put it to the back of your mind til next week. As long as you're ok, the cars just bits of metal  :(bear):

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rose (04-04-15)

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## Pen

Oh I know. What is the most frustrating is that I hate this car and I have been planning to sell it when I can get myself organised enough. This will mean that I am stuck with it as I wont now be able to sell it for enough to buy anything else.

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## Pen

I know its not the electrics as I have just had the electrics in the new studio redone. Also there was a nasty burning smell coming from it just before everything blew. No I think this is really the end for it...

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## magie06

Good job that it happened while you were there. That burning smell may have caused a fire. You were lucky.

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## Suzi

Sorry about the car hunni, but hooray for the studio!

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## Pen

No it would not have got as far as a fire, just as the burning smell started the rcb cutout all the power to everything.

Getting frustrated with hubby this afternoon. I have found a sofa I want for the studio and told the guy we would be over to look at it in half an hour. Hubby meanwhile decides that he has time to take my Dad home, a round trip of 15 minutes. He has been gone 28 minutes and the guy is going out at 4.30.

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## Suzi

Oh no! Hope that it's sorted hunni x

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## Pen

Well it all worked out eventually. We got hopelessly lost but we did find him and he was still home. The sofa would not fit in the car though, thankfully Hubby brought some rope so it came home on the roof of the car, we had to come back down a really steep hill so I had my fingers crossed that it stayed put. It was supposed to be a 2 seater but its very big for that. There is room for hubby, me and Ember on it so it was fun trying to get it upstairs he pointed out that if we had a row he would have somewhere to sleep  :(rofl): . Its starting to look good up there now, hubby suggested I put a TV up there but I suspect if I did I might never come back into the house! 

Now we have got a load upstairs I can start to sort out downstairs. The kiln is being delivered on Friday  :Hedgehog:  so I have to make a passageway to get it through.

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Paula (05-04-15)

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## magie06

I'm happy that the studio has come along to this stage for you. It sounds fab and I hope that you have many happy days in there.

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Pen (06-04-15)

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## Suzi

Wow! That all sounds so fabulous!

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## Pen

Hubby has said he will stick around this morning and help pack stuff into the "attic" under the eves. He has always regarded attic space as under HIS control so I think he is worried about how I would put stuff in there. However I am quite happy to let him do all the crawling around. Ember thinks its hilarious to get him on his hands and knees and tries to wash his ears! He is currently working his way through yesterdays washing up. I was going to do it last night but he insisted that he would do it and then promptly fell asleep on the sofa. I stay well away when he is washing up, he has his own little system and I "dont do it right"  but to hear the sighing coming from the sink you would think that he is the most put upon hubby in the universe.  :(:

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## Paula

Lol, I'm glad he's  stayed to help out today  :):

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## Pen

<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/embed/slideshow/Work%20on%20the%20new%20studio"></iframe>

Well it took three days but we got the upstairs studio/office finished. Downstairs we worked through all the boxes and packed a load of stuff in the attics and got things straight enough that I can work down there as well. Plenty of room for the kiln to come on Friday and next Monday they are fitting the new doors. Trouble is I can now hardly move. I twisted my ankle trying to get the sofa in yesterday and after all the box and furniture moving my hamstrings are complaining... 
Oh well back to college tomorrow.

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## Suzi

Glad you've got so much achieved! Sorry about the pain you're in - maybe a hot bath might help? 
I can't get your link to work and I really want to see your studio!

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## rose

I hope Pen doesn't mind, but this is the fixed link to her studio pics: http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...20new%20studio

and WOW its huge!!!!
Is that Ember in one of the pictures Pen?

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Pen (07-04-15)

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## Pen

Hmmm I dont know why that did not work. Lets try this

http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...20new%20studio

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## Pen

Sorry Rose did not see your post before I wrote the last one. 
Yes that is Ember getting in on the act. 
I thought that the pics did not really give a feel for how big it is. When we measured it we found that the downstairs was 5m by 7m. Its costing me a fortune to get it all fixed up, but I figure that when it is all done it will be an asset to the house. After all the number of people who would buy a house with a large garden room/studio/games room with an upstairs office will be far greater than people wanting a double garage. As with all building projects I have gone over budget and I sometimes think that maybe it would have been better if we had bought a place without anything and I had spent £5,000 on a wooden garden "office" but then I think that when it is done I will have far more space than I would have had with what would basically have been a large shed.

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## Paula

This way you've got what you wanted and needed, rather than settling.  I think it's going to be awesome  :):

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## Angie

It looks good and Ember looks lovely hun, you have things how you want them this way

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## Suzi

It does look amazing! So light and airy too!

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## rose

I think it was a good choice to convert the garage, you have got so much space in there, and you have made it your own.

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## Pen

Thank you everyone. On Easter Sunday Dad came for lunch, it was the first time he has been since we did most of the unpacking and he said that he thought I had made a good choice with the house, which was nice, but was even nicer is that Hubby turned to Dad and said "Yes I think Pen made the right choice, its a lovely house with a really lovely atmosphere" Having his approval means a lot to me, and knowing that he is not pining for our last house is great.

On another note I have discovered how to get my daughter to clear and hoover her bedroom floor... Tell her someone is coming to shampoo the carpets!!  :(party):  Mind you there is so much stuff on the bed that it will all be a tip by bedtime. Still its her room and she wants to live in a pigsty then its her choice. Thankfully her bf is a bit more domesticated and does clear out the cans, bottles and dirty plates regularly. Last time he had a blitz he cleared out a whole recycling box of drinks cans.  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

It's all sounding positive hunni!

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## Pen

Finally got the big black stains out the bedroom carpet that the tenants kindly left us! The guy shampooed the two big bedrooms, the bathroom, the landing and the stairs for £40. Bargain I think!! OK they are not like new, but I dont think they could ever be and if I had hired a rug doctor by the time I had paid for the shampoo as well it would have been well over that!

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## Paula

And you didn't gave yo do the work - I'm all for hiring someone hun.  And, if they're ok until they need replacing - that's a huge amount of money saved on new carpets  :):

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## Suzi

I'd always pay someone too!  :):

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## rose

I scrubbed clean the only carpet in my flat, the bedroom carpet. It took ages and didn't come out much different to when I started.
If I EVER have to do that again, I will hire someone to do it.

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## Pen

Not too good tonight. Keep having thoughts about ending it.

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## rose

Why Pen? What's happened?

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## Suzi

Can you call a crisis line if you need it? 
I hope you're OK.

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## Pen

Nothing has happened. I think I have overdone it a bit in the last few days. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the college work whilst trying to sort out everything at home. Things wernt helped by not eating regularly again today. After dinner and a walk I did a bit of drawing and that has helped.

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## Paula

Well done, hunni, recognising the signs, the triggers and using your management tools are exactly what you should be doing.  Hope you get some decent sleep, and tomorrow can be at an easier pace x

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## Suzi

Well done Pen. You've done really well to recognise the triggers and use your coping strategies. You are amazing!

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## Pen

I am feeling just a bit useless and pathetic. My college friends and I exhibited last weekend in a grotto, I could not get up there so relied on my friend L to take my one piece and set it up. I saw the photo's earlier and no one took any pictures of my piece however I did see it in the background behind someone elses work. The piece was a lamp, it needed to be in a dark place at about head height. Instead L had placed it in a lit alcove on the floor. It looked really pathetic. I wish I had stuck to my first intention and not exhibited I got absolutely nothing from the exhibition and it cost me £12 to do it. I feel I have been let down by L yet again, I have always tried to help her especially with anything involving IT but it does not seem to be reciprocated.
Also on FB this evening another one of my contacts from college has been showing off her work which is selling and I feel just a bit useless that I cant sell any of mine.

----------


## Paula

You're not useless and pathetic, at all.  I think you're amazing really, the work you do is just glorious! With the exhibition, yes it was a mistake to trust L, but you've just lost £12, it could have been worse. In future, you do your own exhibiting .... Can you learn anything from the way your colleague is marketing her work, that may help sell yours?

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## Suzi

OO you could put on your own exhibition? Then you could charge others and get the best spots for your own work?

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## Pen

I have got an exhibition space booked for two weeks in August already and will invite anyone who wants to join me when I get back to college next week. I think it does not help that I feel sore for being excluded from the little clique that L and this other person (K) plus another ex college student (G) have formed. I dont know why they dont like me. The little group visit exhibitions and museums together and have arranged exhibitions together. If they come into college for lunch I am not invited to join them and they sit at one table whilst I sit alone at another.  Mind you I dont like G much, she is very opinionated and the only opinion that is right is hers. She told me last year that if she had been marking one of my pieces of written work she would have given me zero (she is an ex university tutor) which really upset me.

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## Paula

She sounds such a pleasant person...... Cliques are unpleasant, you are not unpleasant. Hence why you're not part of their clique - you're too nice for them.

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## Pen

Thanks Paula. L and I used to be quite close until she started hanging out with the others. I did think that K and I were friends, I even turned up at her house last year when I had a breakdown and ran away from home. But this year L and K have been more distant. I think that L is jealous that I have a studio, a nice house (with a real fire) and a garden. Which is ridiculous. She lives in a lovely apartment overlooking a marina and owns a house in Florida and another in Nova Scota. I think that maybe she does not like me talking about it but I have had to put up with her talking about Florida and Canada for the last 5 years.. Also I feel that L has used me and I have finally wised up which maybe why she has ganged up elsewhere. She has found someone else that she can use who will be more profitable to her.

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## Suzi

She told you she'd give you a zero? What a prize bitch! I have no qualifications in art at all, and I can only tell you whether I like something or not, and I haven't seen any of your work which I don't like!

----------


## Pen

It was my written work she was commenting on, she has never said anything, good or bad, about my artwork. We got into a debate about if references were needed in a project proposal. I argued that as it was a proposal of what I planned to do there was no need for there to be quotes in it. She said that if I had handed a proposal into her that had no references in it she would give me a zero. I was very upset and had to walk away to cry in the loo and then sit in the library for an hour to get a grip on myself. I was feeling very insecure about my written work anyway and that just put the cherry on the top. As it happened I actually got 71% for the piece. Just to rub salt further into the wound L was at the table when this happened talking to K and although we were working side by side for the rest of the day she never asked what had happened or if I was OK I guess G put her side of the argument and I was put down as emotionally unstable. I think I realised then where L's loyalties lay.

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## Paula

But you got 71% so she can stick it in her pipe and smoke it! Well done u xx

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## Suzi

71% is brilliant!

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## Pen

G is very derogatory about the college offering degrees. She does not like the senior tutor as he teaches philosophy which was her subject and she disagrees with what he teaches. She is always running the staff at the college down and takes the view that they are not properly qualified to be teaching a degree course so belittles any mark they give as being substandard. She does not think that the degree I am taking is worth the paper its printed on.

Found a great web site tonight that may help to sort out the referencing citations for me which is something that I struggle with. Building the sculpture is not going well at the moment. I needed to finish it tomorrow but there is no way that can happen especially as I will have to be home in the morning for the arrival of the kiln. I just hope I am right that there is a little time contingency for our artwork submission!

----------


## Suzi

Wow, G sounds fabulous  :=(:  It makes you wonder why she stopped teaching then..... 
I'm sure you'll find a little extra time in there Pen.

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## Paula

G sounds like she should be studying somewhere else. Say, the moon.

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

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## Pen

Oh G just did the basic course then left. She just comes in to see the ceramics tutor which  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: es me off as it takes him away from the real students.

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## Paula

Couldn't hack it past the basics?  :(giggle): . You just continue being wonderful you, ignore her, and be the artist you are

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## Suzi

Awww poor her not being able to progress! Go you!

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## Pen

Well her key reason for not progessing as that she has already got a degree so could not afford the fees for another one. Anyway I am glad that she is not around everyday.

Great excitement here at the moment. The kiln has arrived and is being wired in as I type  :Hedgehog: . I am glad to say that it is bigger than I visioned but still have not got a feel for the inside size and what I can fit. So glad I decided to go for the biggest kiln that he had. He's a nice guy but shy, does not look at you while talking, but he did say that ceramics courses where were the money was rather than trying to sell completed work. Too much competition from commercial companies and places like the Range, Dunelm and cheap imports.

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## Paula

Yay!! That's fantastic news  :(party):

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## Angie

Brilliant news hun about the kiln

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## Pen

Well its done. The guy has programmed it for me with three programmes that he and his wife uses which will cover most firings and showed me how to run it. Its so exciting... Now I will have to have a go at making something here to give it a test run. As you are dealing with very high temperatures and different clays some unknowns slip in so I will have to experiment and adjust a little to get the kiln to work right with what I do.

On another note I am desperate to get as many people in the UK or worldwide to complete a survey for me about holiday activities. Would it be OK for me to add the link on here or on the DWD Facebook page?

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## Paula

The kiln looks fab, hunni  :):

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## Suzi

> On another note I am desperate to get as many people in the UK or worldwide to complete a survey for me about holiday activities. Would it be OK for me to add the link on here or on the DWD Facebook page?


 I would be really happy for you to post on the Sunday Shout Out thread on the FB page (or if you like I'll post it for you on the intro to the Sunday Shout Out thread?)

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## Pen

Could you post it for me, that way it will get better coverage.  :):

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## Suzi

I will indeed. If you send me a pm with exactly what you want posting then I can just copy and paste it and schedule it  :O:  Thank you!

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## Pen

Struggling today. Ment to be doing college.work but just cant get into it. The sun is shining and I want to play in the garden...

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## Angie

Go and take a break for an hour or so hun then see if you can get back to the college work, dont put to much pressure on yourself about it or it will end up seeming like to much of a chore

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## Suzi

I'm with Angie - take a break and then go back to it with fresh eyes  :O:

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## rose

Play in the garden for an hour. You might find it gives you some inspiration.

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## Pen

I have to confess I abandoned work for the afternoon. I took Dad out and bought a ridiculous amount of stuff at homebase to make my own water feature and to make drink bottle hedgehogs. Then came home, retired to the Studio, turned the heater on got snug and cosy and covered in glue making a hedgehog...

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## Suzi

Drink bottle hedgehogs?

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## Pen

I will post a picture tomorrow when I put his feet on and plant his "spines"

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Suzi (12-04-15)

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## Paula

Sounds perfect  :):

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## Pen

Failed to finish the hedgehog...got too involved with the garden and an expensive trip to the garden centre. Really proud of myself tonight for the first time in my life I drilled a hole in a wall, fitted a rawl plug, put in a screw and hung a clock. May not seem a big achievement but I have always relied on the men in my life to wield the drill!!

----------

rose (13-04-15),S deleted (12-04-15)

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## Paula

Tbh I'm scared of drills - I'm way too clumsy. So that sounds like a really big achievement to me!

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## Suzi

I'm mightily impressed too!

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## Pen

Feeling like I may be able to progress to picture hanging next, and.... wait for it.... I might even try putting up a shelf for my daughter this week!  :Rock:

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Paula (12-04-15)

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## Pen

I have to confess that I have been helped in this by Hubby buying a battery powered drill which is lighter and less noisy than a normal drill and I dont feel so intimidated by it!

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## Paula

He may have supplied the tool, but you did the work!

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## Suzi

Exactly!

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## Pen

I will so glad when this course is over! Managed to get all 8 pieces of the base together, but still need to finish the sculpting on them. Have 1 fish left to carve (I recon that I carved about 100) so may yet get this artwork done. Feeling a bit behind on the written work. Not helped by L telling me that she spent all the Easter holidays working on her literature review and has written about 7000 words. If I have written 1000 at the moment I would be surprised. L brought back my sculpture from the exhibition, broken and with a piece missing. Bit annoyed as she did not even apolgise.

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## Suzi

I would have been really hurt by that! 
 :Panda:

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## Pen

Its not the end of the world it split apart where the two halves had been glued together and the piece missing is a piece of plaster I shaped to fill in a gap, but I am a bit peeved that she just put the two pieces on my desk and said that a piece was missing and nothing more.

Also a bit down as the window company were supposed to coming today to install the patio doors and window to the Studio and finish the building work, but they rang this morning to say the doors had not arrived and postponed till next week.  :S:

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## Suzi

Doesn't really matter how it had been broken, but just to leave it with a note is rude... 

I know it's an arse about the window company, but best that it's postponed not cancelled...

----------


## lawny

Hi Pen it took me 5 years as well to finally reach pure light. 
I did all of the hard bits on my own as couldn't find anyone who truly understood.
In the end I decided I'd rather be happy and who I was than unhappy and who the world wanted me to be.

Big congrats hug on following your dream and making it happen as the Americans would say "You go girl"  :Panda:

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Pen (14-04-15)

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## Pen

Had a tutorial today ARRRRGGGGGGG. I wish these tutors of ours would talk to each other! This was our year tutor and he wanted to know what we were all doing for the end of year exhibition. When I had input before easter from the course leader he said I needed to do some pieces that illustrated all the experimentation I had been doing through the year. The tutor today "I am not sure that its a good idea to do multiple experiment pieces, after all this is an art exhibition." Basically I will stick to my plan though, I dont think it will do any harm to put to use and show what I have learnt!
My ceramics tutor told me that he had kittens last week when he came in to find I was not beavering away (I was in all but one day of the holidays so we must have passed like ships in the night!) and was worried that I had become ill again with the stress. He said he was quite relieved to see the progress that I had actually made in the last 24 hours.

I have uploaded some pictures to my Carantoc facebook site but if you dont use FB there are some here if you want to see them
<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/embed/slideshow/End%20of%20Course%20Project"></iframe>

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## Suzi

I think your sculpture is amazing! You are so talented!

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## Pen

:(blush):  The general opinion is that it is the best thing I have ever done. I was going to glaze it but my ceramics tutor today said he was worried that if I did I would lose the finer details so I may just colour it with metal oxides which are a bit like thin water paint to put on so wont affect the carving. Then just add a little clear glaze in key parts to give the impression of water hanging on in places.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds amazing!

----------


## Pen

I may have a problem getting my head through the college doors. My ceramic tutor has said that this piece is so good he would not be surprised if i was offered a job or comission

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Suzi (15-04-15)

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## Paula

Wow! That's fantastic!

----------


## Paula

Oh and  :Mooning:  to L

----------


## Suzi

That is awesome! So pleased for you!

----------


## Pen

L is really getting on my nerves today, it always has to be about her. One of our collegues came in to see us and told us that his cat had died. Straightaway she had to tell him about her cat.
When one of the tutors came to ask how our written work was going she monopolisef the conversation about how she wad almost finished and how she had done it all, i did not get a word in before he retreated.

----------


## Suzi

Is there any way that you can work away from L?

----------


## Pen

I do get Mondays and Fridays free from her, but apart from working at home there is no where I could go as there is no room at college. It is a huge problem with space in fact, most students have a small table of about 3ft x 2ft or space to put up an easel and a very small table to put paint/pallet on. Me and L have a bench each that is about 5ft x 3ft with storage underneath and an extra bench that we can use if we need to expand (completely monopolised by me at the moment!!) so we are the envy of most of our course mates.. I may do a bit more work at home from next week as I start making the bowls that will accompany my final piece and so wont need to be in college. I will be able to work in my own studio instead  :P:  However that will of course mean I see even less of our tutors.

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## Suzi

Yes, but in you own studio!! That's epically awesome!

----------


## Pen

I know, however I am also aware that in a month I will no longer be a BA student and all on my own. Plenty of time to beaver away on my own without company. My ceramics tutor was chatting today and he warned me of the perils of Radio 4. Apparently it is quite easy to become a hermit working away on a production line of pieces with only Radio 4 for company. After a while you start looking forward to the highlights of your day.... Woman's Hour and the afternoon play....

Can hardly wait till Monday though when all the building work will be finished and I will get natural light downstairs.

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## Paula

It's Bargain Hunt for me ...... But you'll have all your students to keep you company  :):

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## Suzi

I know what he means about the Radio 4 thing - but if you're going to be running courses too then I'm sure that it wont be like that for you!

----------


## Pen

Yes and he was working out in the country somewhere, living in a mobile home and working in a barn. I have plans that involve quite a bit of interaction, plus I see people when I am out with Ember and I plan to spend a little bit of time every week working in the Costa that is about 15 minutes walk away!

My delightful dog decided that as both the kids were up at 5 this morning that I too needed to join them. She stuck a cold nose in my ear, then pushed her nose under my head and tried to push me off the pillow and when that did not work she pawed the duvet off me.... I gave in, went and made a cup tea and went back to bed 30 minutes later. Then just as I was drifting off again I was woken to her retching next me... I shooed her into the landing where she promptly threw up something small and green and fairly hard. No idea what it was. But of course onto my nice freshly shampooed carpet.... Its a good job I love her!

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## Angie

Typical dog hun,  We have to have a dog crate for our Storm because she chews and being a pup its like having a baby anuthing and everything goes in the mouth, she nearly electrocuted herself chewing a wire the other week so we have no choice and its really helpful when we need to go out we know both she and the house is safe.

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S deleted (17-04-15)

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## Pen

When i had her the rescue centre made me sign to say i would not crate her so its not an option. I would not do that to her anyway now

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## Angie

I can understand that as you have had her some time anyways.

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## Paula

The one part of the house the dogs aren't allowed in is upstairs - we have a stair gate. But that's mainly because 2 greyhounds would take up our whole bed lol

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## Angie

Storm being Storm is crated over night though we take her out half way through the night as she wakes us upto go out, we dont go to bed till late anyways so she isnt in there hours, but her crate is in our bedroom at night so she isnt on her own. Generally there is always someone home all day so she rarely goes in the crate unless we have to leave the room for more than thirty seconds, and as we smoke outside she is out alot so toilet training has been easy. Its the chewing and nipping stage we are at right now so keeping her safe from eating something she shouldn't and possibly making her ill and also the house safe we do crate her, she feels safe in there, has her bed and toys and gets fed treats in there.

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## Pen

I had a collie pup years ago and we HAD to crate her or we would not have had a house left. She was the worst chewer I have ever had. Even the radiator pipes! She was quite happy in her crate, as you say it becomes their den. We had to let her go when she was about 5 months though as we just could not give her enough exercise to keep her mind and body occupied as she was from working stock. She went to a shepherd to help look after 200 sheep on a country estate so she had a better life than we could have given her!
Because we could not crate Ember she discovered how to get on the bed after one night and I confess I gave up the fight very quickly. As hubby is away all the time having her cuddled up against me is a great comfort.

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Angie (17-04-15),S deleted (17-04-15)

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## S deleted

I've never heard of a rescue not allowing you to crate a dog before. Outside kennels yes but never a crate indoors. In fact the last rescue dog I had was crate trained before I got her so it was never a problem. I didn't crate Max at first but as he got bigger he got naughtier. He's a chewer but actually getting a lot better now and he's still only 6 months old, but he is a thief and his favourite items are my purse and phone, shoes, toilet rools and wipes and dishcloths

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## Angie

Collies can be a nightmare, we had a border collie crossed with a red setter, both working breeds a 4 hour walk was nothing new, ie the dog running constantly for 4 hours if allowed to and that didnt wear her out, we tended to hide food in different places for her, make her earn her treats by having to get them out of something such as a lidded empty butter tub etc.

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## Pen

Yes I would never have a pure bred collie again. Ember is half collie half terrier we think and she needs a lot of exercise but she is great as if she does not get it she is also quite happy.

The sanctuary is Holly Hedge here is their information about why they don't like you to crate your dog
http://www.hollyhedge.org.uk/reubens...e/default.aspx

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## magie06

That is one of the reasons I don't have a dog. I don't think I'd have the patience to train them. Its a lot of work to stop them from chewing and weeing and all that. If I could get an older dog I'd be happy.

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## Pen

I promesed you a picture of my bottle hedgehog so here it is.
http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...psl4jjfrwy.jpg

Not very good but I am working on improving it.  :^):

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Suzi (17-04-15)

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## Angie

I think it is really good hun.

Maggie there are so many dogs that are in rescue centres am sure you could find one to suit you if you ever wanted to

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## Pen

All my dogs up to Ember have been adult rescues. They have all been housetrained when we got them and usually know some basic commands as well.

As for the hedgehog I think once the chives fill out a bit he will look a bit more hedgehoggy!

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## Suzi

The hedgehog looks cool!

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## Paula

> That is one of the reasons I don't have a dog. I don't think I'd have the patience to train them. Its a lot of work to stop them from chewing and weeing and all that. If I could get an older dog I'd be happy.


I have retired greyhounds and they are a joy. Gentle, lazy, need little training and 2 x20 minute walks a day is more than enough!  They're not the most intelligent dogs but they repay you adopting them with oodles of love and devotion

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## Pen

I would love to have one but we were turned down by the greyhound trust as we have cats. They said that the urge to chase could be a problem.

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## Angie

It can be, what we do is have a babygate to the room where the cats food and litter trays are, so they can get some peace from the pup as and when needed, I have three cats and they are all house cats so a bit of their own space is needed.

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## Paula

> I would love to have one but we were turned down by the greyhound trust as we have cats. They said that the urge to chase could be a problem.


I have a cat. Yes, a lot of greyhounds can't live with cats, but that doesn't apply to all. Many can be, carefully at first, homed successfully with cats. We even used to have a rabbit and they used to be in the garden together.

----------


## Pen

I think Hubby and Ember would both pack their bags and leave if I added another dog to the household! However maybe one day in the future.

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Paula (18-04-15)

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## Pen

OMG Nearly wet myself laughing whilst out with Ember!!

To understand my mirth you have to know a couple of things.

1. Ember HATES water. To the point that it has been known that I have had to carry her over a big puddle as she steadfastly refused to budge rather than walk through it and if it is raining she will not go out, even with a waterproof coat on.

2. I live on the edge of the Somerset levels which are prone to flooding, and, as the council has allowed building on them here, the area is criss crossed with drainage ditches called rynes (pronouced reens). Most of these ditches have very steep sides down to the water and are very deep and at the moment they are developing a wonderful bloom of duckweed across the surface.

3. Goldfish love duckweed and so my daughter asked me if in my walks I could get some for her prize fishes dinner.

So I have been looking out for somewhere I could get to the water without falling in and this morning found a spot where the sides were not so steep and went down to see if I could get close enough to the water to get some weed. 

Whilst I was considering this Ember goes right down to the waters edge. Now it had not occurred to me that she would not realise that the lovely flat expanse of green in front of her covered water. What happened next happened really quickly before I had time to even think yet alone intervene before you think I was cruel!. 

She tried to run across the water. As her feet hit the water she freaked and jumped, thinking I suspect that the area in front of her was solid ground. It was not, it was several feet of water covered in duckweed. She went right under, then discovered she could swim. She swam back to the bank and got out, soaking wet and disgusted. I creased up which just made her even more disgusted!! Unfortunately she was not covered in weed so I could not get any for my daughter...

Thankfully being sunny here she was pretty dry when she got home and the water was not as stagnant as it sometimes is in these ditches so she does not stink. I think the ultimate horror for her would be if I had to bath her now!!

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Paula (19-04-15)

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## Angie

Oh heck that did make me laugh, poor Ember but it might teach her that water isnt all bad. My old do from when I was a teen hated being bathed or showered, but she loved being out in the rain and swimming in the local lake and getting full of mud, even though that would result in a bath

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## Paula

:(rofl):

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

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## Pen

Its scary here this morning. The window men are here ripping the old garage door of to replace with patio doors.
I hope i am doing the right thing! But even more scary is that when this is done there is very little to stop me starting my courses..

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## Paula

Scary, but exciting scary I hope!

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## Suzi

Sounds so brilliant!

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## Pen

Had a bit of a problem. Surveyor had miss measured the gap and the door would not fit... One hire of a disc cutter later and the hole is bigger... and EVERYTHING including the almost new double mattress in the garage is covered in concrete dust. I can hose my plants down but the mattress is a bit of a problem...

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## Pen

Its finished. No more building work. Just need to break my back painting it!!

<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/embed/slideshow/Work%20on%20the%20new%20studio"></iframe>

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## Pen

Sorry that link did not work try this

http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...20new%20studio

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magie06 (20-04-15),Paula (20-04-15)

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## Angie

That looks really good and is that Ember as she looks lovely x

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## Pen

Yes thats Ember.Shes a sweetheart but then i am biased!

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## Suzi

Wow! That looks awesome!

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## S deleted

Thats the kinda garage I'd conversion I'd love

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## Angie

She is lovely hun is she a rottweiller x german shepherd ? or rottweiller x collie sort of looks that way but could be wrong

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## Pen

We were told by the home that they thought she was collie x Rottie but she is not very big, only stands about 22 inches at the shoulder and very petite so we think that she is a collie x Manchester Terrier. A man terrier looks very much like her only smaller. I suspect that she is a first generation cross whatever she is as her siblings were all very similar.
Lots of people think she is a puppy german shepherd and are quite surprised when we say she is two years old.

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## Angie

Yeah Manchester Terriers have the black and tan markings, but then our rottie x staffy was only staffy size with black and tan colouring, 22 inches could be rottie x collie just that she is collie sized, but rottie colours or manchester terrier, but its besides anything you love her regardless and she is a lovely looking dog

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## Pen

My son said "why dont you get her DNA tested?" but I dont really care what she is, I love her. When she lies on the back on the sofa and rests her head on my shoulder with her face pressed against my cheek then it's bliss.

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## rose

The studio looks great and I love how Ember manages to get in on the action.
She does look like a little german shepherd!

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## Angie

Thats what counts hun your love for each other

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## Pen

I just have to laugh at Ember and our cat Hazel. When Ember came into our lives Hazel and especially the other cat we had then, Smokie, taught Ember in no uncertain terms that they were the boss and no to mess with them. Last night when I went up to bed Ember did not follow me straight away. I was tucked up just drifting off when I heard a whimpering from downstairs followed by little barks of distress. Eventually after about a minute I went downstairs to find Hazel lying oblivious in the hall whilst Ember stood trapped the wrong side of the cat. There was room for her to walk round but she was too scared to get any closer, only when I was there to protect her would she walk round, even then Hazel did not twitch.  :(rofl): 
On the other paw though I think Ember gets concerned about Hazel. Hazel has a sort of cat equivalent of asthma. She has had it all her life and the vet cannot find anything wrong, but occasionally Hazel has coughing/wheezing fits. When these happen Ember breaks off from what ever she is doing (even eating her breakfast) and rushes to the cat. She then stands and watches her with a look of great concern and when she has stopped she gently sniffs her and Hazel will sniff back. Its the only time she gets that close to the cat. When she was younger Ember would get so worried that she would rush to a human and then back to the cat as if to say "DO SOMETHING!!"

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## Angie

Oh bless her hun she sounds a lovely dog aswell as being fun

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## Suzi

Aw that's lovely!

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## Pen

Taking her for a walk is absolute torture at the moment! All the buds bursting, little leaves popping out, blossom everywhere, the sun shining and I have NO TIME to do any sketching!

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## Angie

We can finally take Storm for a walk on Thursday after her last injection last week we cant wait and it will do her so much good,

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S deleted (21-04-15)

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## Suzi

Oh no Pen!

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## Pen

Trying to do my literature review this afternoon. L has done 7000 words. After 3 hours I have managed 712  :(:  I am currently ploughing through a fascinating 47 page report called The value of Arts and Culture to People and Society – an evidence review. 

Sod it. I'm going to take Ember for a walk...

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## Suzi

That sounds "fun"... I remember writing essays on Education Policy - dull as dishwater!

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## Pen

Having waded through it I realised that everything I actually needed was in the two page executive summary at the beginning  :(think): .... Managed to get over a 1000 words so making some progress. Still got about another 9 articles to go but I think I am getting too tired now.

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## Suzi

Well done!

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## Pen

We are expected to write about 10,000 words in our written elements. So far I have managed about 6500 in total. I suspect that I wont hit the 10,000 mark but I have to admit that I am getting to the point that I just want it finished and as long as I get a pass I will be happy.

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## Paula

That annoys me when they say it must be xxxxx number of words. If you've written all there is on the subject, that should be enough - otherwise it's just waffle

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## Pen

Well to be fair they have not set a word limit just a sort of expectation that we will produce around that number. We wont get marked down for having more or less if it covers the topics in an analytical manner.

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Paula (21-04-15)

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## rose

If you think you are done, then assume its finished. 
But make sure you take time away from it, in my experience its when I am doing things like showering or driving that I have my best work ideas, not when I am sat at my desk.

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree to take a break and then go back to it hun..

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## Pen

Nerve racking day. Three parts of the base have been put in the kiln. All got there intact so fingers crossed for a good firing!

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## Suzi

Hope they come out in perfect condition for you!

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## Angie

Hope it works out good for you hun x

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## Pen

there are a lot of people with their fingers crossed. We had to clear a path to the kiln for each piece and the ceramics tutor loaded them personally, he did not trust the technician. I was impressed that he got the three in without breaking any bits off. He is going to test a special glaze that he has made at home for his own use for me to use on the base. He showed me a test tile and I am quite excited that it may give exactly the effect I want.

Its funny but having been largely ignored by the tutors all year (apart from the ceramics tutor) I suddenly seem to be having a stream of them coming in with excuses to talk to me. Ian came in just to see how it was going. M came to tell me he would have a look through my business plan this week and P came to ask what it was he was supposed to be asking Ian. I also seem to be getting a number of students coming to have a look. I have not been this popular for years! One of the students, who also does ceramics, commented that she was getting more nervous about my work getting finished than her own!

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## Angie

Sounds like a really positive time hun x

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Pen (22-04-15)

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## Paula

Sounds like they've realised how good you are  :):

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Pen (22-04-15)

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## Suzi

That's so lovely! Shows how good you are and how popular you are! Well done!

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Pen (22-04-15)

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## Pen

I was a little put out by our technician though. She said to me this morning "you are really lucky that the sculpture has held together without any faults or cracks developing" I must admit I thought "Hey luck does not come into it really. This is a result of 5 years of learning about how to use the materials, how clay dries and so planning the structural elements to hold it together and carefully joining, carving and building" Luck implies that I did not have to do much!

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Paula (22-04-15)

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## Suzi

Oh from my very small experience it's an awful lot more than luck!

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## Pen

What a day.... Just discovered that I have only done 20% of one written module, 30% of another and I thought I was on top of the creative module and discovered that I probably have only done about 50% of that....

I thought that I had almost finished everything apart from the creative module so it was a bit of a blow to find out today that there is a load more work they want us to do!! Thankfully we have been given an extra 2 weeks to do it all... :S:

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## Paula

Oh no  :(:

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## Angie

Oh no hun

----------


## rose

Oh my goodness Pen! I think you need to write yourself a plan of action, what you're going to do each day to get it all done, otherwise (if you're anything like me) you'll get yourself all stressed out trying to do everything at once!
You can do it Pen  :):

----------


## Suzi

Oh no what a nightmare!

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## Pen

Had a few emails from my college support bod. and we will come up with a plan next Tuesday when she comes.

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## Paula

So glad you're getting the support, hun

----------


## Suzi

That's great that you have that support.

----------


## Pen

Just had a meeting with my college mentor who has broken the news to me that I am at the end of my support and despite her fighting hard for the last 10 days the Student Finance refuse to budge and allocate more hours. I have one more hour and then thats it...

Absolutely gutted. The written work that I still have to do accounts for 55% of the marks plus of course I still have to finish the artwork which accounts for another 33.3% So I am now into the toughest part of the course with only one hour of support left....

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## Suzi

Oh no! Can you appeal?

----------


## Paula

Oh hunni ......

----------


## Angie

Oh no hunni

----------


## Pen

She has asked her company if they think that there is anything I can do to try and get more help, but of course even if I can appeal it will take time which I don't have.
She said that they have said that I have had enough time and that I now should have learnt enough to be able to cope without her. She is not happy as she says that the support she gives me is not tutorial its emotional. She has said that if she can find a way without jepordising her employment she will come and support me unpaid till the end of the year but I am not hopeful.

----------


## Suzi

That's really kind of her. What about things like you applying for other funding to cover her coming?

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## S deleted

She sounds like a fab person offering her time in that way but if she says her support isn't tutorial does that not tell you something? Clearly you CAN do it on your own. A bit like learning to ride a bike, the fear of being let loose to do it on your own but by the time you realise you are on your own you've already travelled have way down the street alone. 

Just a thought

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## Pen

Oh we both know i can do the work. What she does is help stop me getting so anxious that i cant do anything. She helps reasure me, keeps my perspective and stops me from working so much i make myself ill.

I dont think other funding options will help much as there is so little time left.

----------


## rose

That's so kind of her to offer to come over unpaid.
But Pen you have come so far. You don't have the huge crashing lows that you used to, you don't drive off intending never to come back....
I think you have a good chance of being able to do this by yourself. Look at what you have achieved with getting your garage converted and your studio ready! That's stressful stuff and you did it without hardly a tear or anxious moment.
Have faith in yourself... and feel free to come here and rant when you need to let off steam or need another perspective on things  :(bear):

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## Paula

You have us. If the anxiety is rising, talk to us til you get through it. And you are so much stronger than you realise

----------


## Pen

Thank you everyone. I am a bit happier tonight as i have decided that i may have done more than i realised and i have ordered some of my marketing materials that i need both for the course as well as my business. So for one of the modules i am quite far along. I also made some more pieces for the end show which will be the first things i will fire in the kiln this weekend!

----------

Paula (28-04-15),rose (28-04-15),Suzi (29-04-15)

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## Pen

Ok so it seems that I am not...
Had a tutorial today that left us all rethinking what we are doing. My head is spinning and I just cant get myself into gear to tackle any written work. The tutorial took all morning which was a bit annoying and so I was working on my sculpture till 5:45. Came home too tired to do the lit review which I was supposed to be working on tonight. I am desperate to finish the painting of the sculpture so it can go in the kiln tomorrow night but still have quite a bit to go. Unfortunately we have another tutorial tomorrow afternoon so I will only have the morning to finish it. So off to bed now and try and get into college early tomorrow.

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## rose

Perhaps write a list of what you need to do and prioritise the tasks based on what needs doing, i.e. get the painting done so it can go in the kiln, and then concentrate on written work while your piece is being fired.
It sounds so straightforward but its easy to forget the basics when you have too much to do.
Not long now and this will all be over!!!

----------


## Pen

Had a surprise last night. Just as I was getting a drink ready for bed Ember went out. After a few seconds she started barking. It was not her normal bark (she has quite a vocabulary) so I wen to investigate and found her almost nose to prickle with a hedgehog. 
Now the odd thing is that my garden is bounded by a stout wooden fence down one side (definatly no gaps in it), a 8ft high brick wall down the other and across the back and my house and a 6ft high, down to the ground solid wooden gate making up the forth side. So the appearance of a hedgehog has answered a question. I have suspected (but not been able to prove) that the wall at the back which runs up behind the studio is not attached to the wall at the side right in the far corner. I cant check this as the studio is only 9inches from the wall but it explains where the cat goes.

I am also very pleased to see a hedgehog. Firstly he can help me with the slugs but secondly as they are becoming rarer it is great to know that we have a local population.

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Paula (30-04-15)

----------


## Suzi

Aww love hedgehogs!

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## Pen

The black dog is back and im not talking about Ember.
Really struggling today. Got the dead feeling in the pit of my stomach. Dont want to carry on.

----------


## Paula

Hunni, you've been so positive up til now, I'm sure it's just a blip. Have you walked Ember? Maybe the fresh air will help.  Try not to worry about college, you're doing brilliantly and it's going to pay off

----------


## Pen

Stuck in a lecture about existance

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## Paula

Then I'm not surprised you're struggling today. Big hugs hunni

----------


## Angie

Huge hugs hunni, once home can you have a bit of relax time and then maybe take Ember for a walk.

----------


## Pen

Got home knackered. If i shut my eyes i see fish at the moment. I missed this weeks firing so i have to get it done tomorrow ready to go in first thing Tuesday.
A little upset with my local free mag. They have taken a comment i put on streetlife and published it with my name and part of my address. Anyone who even knows me vaugly will know that its me

----------


## Suzi

I'd complain to them about that! I would be really upset if they had published those kind of details of mine..

----------


## Pen

Well there is nothing I can do about it the deed is done now! But I do feel a bit exposed about it.

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## Suzi

I still think you should complain!

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## Angie

I would still complain hunni

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## Pen

I cant face doing that. I have far too many other things to do at the moment so I will have to let it go. Damage has been done now.

On another note something to possibly make you smile. The head of our course is passionate about my fish, he has mentioned it to a number of students about how good it is.... This evening I was working late on it. I knew that L had gone home, that the technician had finished and there was no chance of the ceramics tutor coming in so I felt quite safe when my intestines decided that they needed to vent. I let off a huge fart. It smelt like a gas leak it was so bad. Five minutes later, when the smell was still detectable (although thankfully not eye watering) in walks the course head to see how the sculpture is progressing. He did not say anything about the smell but I was mortified....

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  that's brilliant!

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):  :(blush):

----------


## Pen

Well the painting of the sculpture is done. I had thought that I would get finished by lunch time but when the caretaker came round to give me 15 minutes warning that he was locking up at 4:45 I was still going. Unfortunately he made me rush and I knocked a piece off. The sculpture is so dry now that reaffixing pieces is a painstaking process, so I botched something together in a hurry but I may have to redo it on Tuesday. The kiln I had stuff in at college did not fire properly this week. We don't know why exactly but it does mean that I may not be able to get my piece in on Tuesday as planned as the kiln is currently full of half fired pieces.
I brought home a mold I made so I can start on the second part of the piece for the exhibition, a range of bowls to illustrate the experiments I have done through the year, so I have to make bowls all weekend. I will probably fire them here for at least the first stage, especially as we are having issues at college.

----------


## Paula

He you, you've got your own studio and kiln to do your work in. How good is that?!

----------


## Pen

Its epic  :Hedgehog:

----------


## Suzi

That is epic!

----------


## Pen

Really struggling to sleep last night so I took a double dose of Lozapam at midnight.... That worked... Woke up at 11:30. But still totally phased out today, so much to do and so little time. I just want to go back to bed but I have plants to plant, tables to cover and clay to make.  :(snooze):

----------


## Suzi

Hope you have a good day lovely..

----------


## Pen

Not too bad a day but I just cant sleep again tonight. 
Hubby finally sorted out my sons bedroom and chopped a foot off his desk so that he can get a bed in and then went and bought him a mattress so after 3 months he can finally sleep in a bed again! 
I did a bit of gardening but it was showery here so I spent most of the afternoon tiding up the studio. I got three tables covered so I have a bit of a working area now and made the first of the series of bowls.
Hubby has stayed the night which cramped my style a bit tonight. I like to watch criminal minds on a Sunday night but he hates stuff like that so I made out that I had a lot to do in the studio and stayed out there to watch it.

----------


## Suzi

It was nice of him to stay over! I know it's something that you'd like...

----------


## Pen

I had not realised that he is always watching to see if I am slipping back into depression. I am having trouble sleeping at the moment. I was up at midnight and did not go back to bed till 3 this morning. At about 2 he came down to see if I was ok as he is worried that I might be going backwards.

----------


## Suzi

That's so lovely of him! Do you know why you are having trouble sleeping?

----------


## Pen

No not really.I am tired when I go to bed but then I just toss and turn and cant get off to sleep. Last night I spent 3 hours doing college work in the night. The only thing that helps is if I take a lorazapam, but I avoid taking these too much as they are addictive, a pack of 14 usually lasts me about 6-8 weeks.

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## Suzi

It must be catching as I'm the same. I've started writing a diary again (haven't done it in years) in the hope that it'll help to get all the thoughts out of my head...

----------


## Pen

I keep meaning to put a sketch book by the bed so i can note down ideas but i keep forgetting.
Anyway fish is in the kiln... lost a couple of tails on the trip but hopefully the rest will be fine.

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## magie06

Praying that everything will come out fine.

----------

Pen (05-05-15)

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## sedgejane

Hi there I'm new here and wanted to thank you as your story gives me hope, I'm coming out of a severe relapse and i needed positivity

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Angie (05-05-15),Paula (05-05-15),Pen (05-05-15),rose (05-05-15)

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## Suzi

Hope that it comes out undamaged...

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## Pen

Arggg.. getting frustrated with the amount of time i have to hang around at college doing nothing. Had a short tutorial will the ceramics tutor demonstrated the test tiles we will use and now waiting for him to say when he will be in on Friday. (He has to find out what time he is taking his son to piano lessons). i could be at home doing something!1

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## magie06

Hanging around can be so wasteful. Like you said, you could be at home doing something. Can you leave your phone number and then head home?

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## Suzi

That would annoy me too!

----------


## Pen

I ended up spending the afternoon helping one of the other mature students to input her data from her survey, format it and create graphs for her in Excel. Took me nearly 3 hours but she was so struggling that I could not abandon her. I am getting a reputation for being the IT guru. Whilst we were working one of the tutors came over and teased us about sitting doing "nothing" then told my friend that if she needed IT help that she could not do better than me. I came in this morning to find a Topic, a Kit Kat and a Flake on my desk as payment for helping someone else get Word out of protected mode so they could edit their essay. I will be getting quite a chocolate stash at this rate....
One of the other mature students said that I should apply to the college to provide help to students that are not so IT savvy get essays etc done after I pointed out that it was possible to setup Word to automatically create tables of contents. I dont think that they would give me a job though the college does not really recognise that they need this role filled as they have IT experts that are supposed to be available to help out.

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## Suzi

That sounds brilliant that you are able to help others like that! It's so lovely of them to supply you with chocolate! 
Maybe that other mature student is right!

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## rose

You used to run an IT company didn't you?

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## Paula

A chocolate stash? I'm puzzled, why would there be any left to stash???

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## Pen

Yes I did. I also used to be an IT trainer in a past life but I used to teach the backend networking systems not the applications. I has made me very patient with people when I am teaching though, I often had to struggle to learn it myself so I understand when others dont "get it" and have the flexibility to be able to think of other ways to explain things when people dont understand it.

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Paula (06-05-15)

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## Pen

> A chocolate stash? I'm puzzled, why would there be any left to stash???


Yes I know a strange concept... I tend to be a bit like a squirrel though and store it away for rainy days. It has been known for me to actually have chocolate so long that it goes funny.  Mind you some lasts longer than others. Lindt Coconut balls were lush and did not last for more than a fortnight. (Lindt balls generally dont last long though around me)

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## Paula

Beat you to Pen's everyone  :(rofl):

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## Pen

:Bandit:  I promise you will never find it!!! I have hiding places everywhere...

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## Paula

I can sniff out chocolate at a hundred paces ...... Be afraid, be very afraid  :invisininja:

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## Pen

Well I got a box of Quality street for yesterdays work... So if anyone wants to share, come on round!

Fish is out of the kiln. Not entirely in one piece... However I think I can make a feature out of the damaged bit, a bit of glaze can cover a multitude of sins! I do have to give it a wash though and scrub a lot of the coating off as I over did the painting of the oxides and you cant see the fish features. 

Had to give a presentation on my marketing plan today. The head tutor was very excited about my plans and says that he has a friend who makes over £80K a year doing training and organising courses with other artists. Personally I am not aiming that high, if I can make £15K then I can cover my bills, I am not particularly into flashing money around and my needs are simple.

Very excited when I got home. My advertising materials had arrived. I have a sign for the gate and for the window of the studio, new business cards with my address and flyers and postcards to hand out. I am a bit afraid to put the sign up though. It will be confirmation that its REALLY happening!
I also had my CRB/DBS certificate through so I am legal to teach kids and vulnerable adults.

However also had another stinky letter from hubby's brothers solicitor which took the edge of my excitement. Then my Dad rang to say that my brother is going to ring (quite why he had to tell me this I have no idea!) and that bro (presumably plus SIL) is coming down to visit tomorrow afternoon, I have not seen him (or her) for nearly two years. SSHHHHIIIITTTTT the house is a mess (its VERY low priority at the moment) plus due to the firing schedule I have to be in college late tomorrow (Meeting the tutor at 5pm) to get a piece prepared and in the kiln. I will also have to be in college most of the rest of the day scrubbing and glazing my fish. I would love to see him and show off the new house and studio but just not tomorrow! However he normally works in London (he lives in Bristol) and spends his time up there. At weekends he and SIL spend their time on their motor yacht which is moored on the Thames so it is rare that we can get together. The only reason that he is coming now is that he is off work for a few weeks after heart trouble and so can fit us (and Dad) into his schedule so I will have to try and accommodate him or I might not see him for another two years!

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Paula (07-05-15)

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## Paula

Wow! What an exciting, busy day  :):  hope the solicitors isn't too much grief

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## Pen

Made an arrangement with bro, I am going to meet him, SIL and my great nephew and niece at lunchtime tomorrow at Dad's. It will be the first time I have met my great nephew (he is about 18 months) and the last time I saw my great niece she was a babe in arms, she is now almost 3! As Dad's place is just a couple of mins from college I can pop round at lunchtime and go back to college afterwards. It also means that bro and co wont be coming to my house which will be good as I am not sure how Ember will react to two small children in the house.

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## Paula

Sounds like a plan, and will be lovely to see them I bet  :):

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## Suzi

That sounds so exciting! What a fab day!

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## Pen

It was great to see them. I spent two hours with them at lunch time. My Great Nephew (aged 16 months) decided I was the best thing since sliced bread. He had never met me before but 5 minutes after we met he wanted to sit on my lap and play with the old biscuit tin my Dad had given him. We played baby aeroplanes, I chased him round the floor on my hands and knees much to his delight and played at putting spoons in the tin, putting the lid on and then taking them all out again!. Nice simple fun! My brother was astonished apparently he is usually quite withdrawn and wont play much anyway yet alone with someone he has just met! I then astounded my SIL as I changed his nappy. She said that normally it was like trying to put a nappy on a snake as he would wiggle, squirm and cry. But for me he was as good as gold. He even let me wipe his nose which was another issue normally. My great niece was also wonderful. She is 3 in September and has a head of blond curls. When she left she gave me a big hug and a kiss (well a lick anyway  :P: ) Went back to college absolutely exhausted though. So glad that I don't have to look after them regularly!

----------


## magie06

What a brillant lunchtime.

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## Pen

Just got up from the sofa and discovered that I may be a bit old for crawling round the floor chasing a baby. muscles are complaining!

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## Angie

Awwww hot soak in a bath may help hun, but sounds like you had a lot of fun

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## Suzi

Sounds like so much fun! 

Btw I'm not surprised that you were a hit with them, you're fantabulous!

----------


## Paula

Awwwwwww

----------


## Pen

Scored my best ever mood score on Moodscope tonight! I woke this morning with a headache and I have just not been able to shake it all day so I could not get on with any written work today so after doing a bit of clay work I spent the rest of the day organising the studio. 
Assembling furniture on your own can be tricky I found! I had a desk partly assembled and was holding a large part of it together when I realised I needed a screw driver. Of course I was 6ft away from toolbox, and no amount of contortion would get me anywhere near it. Glad no one could see me I must have looked hilarious.. Very proud of myself though. I re-assembled a desk and a set of shelves. I built another set of shelves on the wall. I covered the desk and rearranged the furniture all by myself as hubby of course was out from 8 this morning till gone 10 tonight. When he came home though he did help me find a location for my sons double bed which I have out there and now the place looks more like a studio and less like a furniture dumping ground.

----------


## Paula

Fantastic news re Moodscape! Awesome, lovely

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## Suzi

That all sounds really positive! Well done!

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## Pen

Had an odd experience this morning which left me feeling good about myself.

As I came out of my drive with Ember a man approached me. My first reaction was that he was drunk as his speech was slurred but as I talked to him I realised that he had a speech impediment and possibly some learning difficulties. He was in a bit of a tizz. He wanted to get a taxi home but did not know how to get one. I live opposite a big pub so I suggested that he went in there and asked them but he said he had tried but that they would not help him (well that has really put them down in my estimation). I asked where he lived and he was a bit vague. I asked if he could walk home but he said it was too far so I called up the taxi company for him and booked a taxi to collect him from my house. We had a bit of difficulty with the address but the taxi dispatcher seemed to be able to work out where he needed to go. When I did this for him he gave me a big hug. I had to leave him sitting on my wall waiting for the taxi as I needed to get Ember out but he was gone when I got back so hopefully the taxi firm sorted him out. I just cant believe that the pub would not help this guy out! When he hugged me there was no smell of drink so he clearly was not drunk.

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## Paula

That was lovely of you to help him, a lot of people would have assumed he was drunk and left him to it

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## Angie

That is a lovely thing for you to have done, and that is not good of the Pub when we had ours well my parents did, and if I was in charge or any of the staff, if someone wanted a taxi we would ring one for them, its not only common curtesy but good business sense to to be honest

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## Suzi

That is such a kind thing for you to have done! Well done hunni...

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## Pen

What a day. Did 3 hours of written work and sent off to a friend to proof read. Walked the dog twice. Started painting the studio ceiling. Finished off three bowls for the final exhibition. Loaded and started the kiln.Weeded a bucket full of grass out of the patio brickwork. Worked on my water feature that I am building, glued stones into the waterfall, drilled a hole and fitted the plumbing for the filter and fixed a little leak. Cant run it till later tomorrow though to allow the glue and sealer to set properly but if it has then I just need to add the gravel to the filer and plant it all up and it will finally be finished.

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## Paula

Geez I feel exhausted just reading that!

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## Suzi

You haven't stopped! Well done hunni!

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## Angie

Crikey hun you have done a lot today, I hope your chilling now

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## Pen

Oh yes (well sorta) Ember is here next to me upside down with her head on my tummy. I have a glass of my favourite squash and a packet of mint matchmakers and watching CSI.

I am trying to finish off the business plan tonight in between.

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## Angie

Great minds think alike, we have the pup sat next to us on the sofa and have CSI on the gogglebox

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## Pen

AARRGG Cant seem to head in gear. Wanted to spend the evening working on my business plan but have spent all evening staring at the screen going nowhere. I did manage to finish building my water feature this morning (although had a few leaks to sort out). Did finish glazing the fish and started colouring the base till I ran out of time. (Also cooked an awesome dinner- My daughter wants to know why my roast potatoes taste so much better than hers but we compared notes and could not come up with a reason, but then I think that no-one ever makes roast like your mom!)

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## Suzi

Sounds like you're doing so much hunni!

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## Pen

Feel like I am making a bit of progress finally. The fish sculpture is nearly finished. The fish itself, the base plates and the first section of the base are in for their final firing. I hope to finish colouring the other three parts tomorrow so that they can go in the kiln at the weekend. 3 bowls have had their first firing and I hope to have them ready to go in with the base as well. I cracked on and finished another piece of written work this evening and so I am about 90% finished with the paperwork. I am hopeful that I will get it all finished by next Tuesday when my support worker is coming for the last time and I will get her to look over it all then get it handed in. I want to get the paperwork out of the way as it is stressing me out, but hopefully if I finish the fish tomorrow I can have a few days to get it all done.
Came home to find that my daughter had actually cleared up the kitchen before she went to work. I dont just mean wash up (although she had done that as well) but sort out a lot of the stuff from the move which had not yet been found a home. Also my son cooked dinner so I am pleased that they helping out.

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## Suzi

That's such an amazing post! So many positives!

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## rose

Well done Pen, I knew you could do it.
 :):

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## Pen

One step forward, one step back. The pieces did not go in. My tutor decided he wanted to talk to me first about them. Him and another tutor had a conversation about my piece whilst I sat there and watched... In the end it was decided that I needed to redo the colouring on the base pieces so spent another day getting covered in oxides. My hand looks like I have been smoking heavily all day even though I had a glove on... I keep thinking "maybe today I will finish it" but then I am proved wrong. So another go at completing it tomorrow. Have a stinking headache tonight so am struggling to get into gear to do any work. Also woke up this morning to find my water feature has a little leak. Not much but enough to empty the lowest barrel in about 24 hours so tried to fix it tonight. Not sure I have succeeded but it is better than it was.

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## Suzi

How do you feel about the changes? 
Hope that the headache shifts soon hunni...

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## rose

That sounds like a frustrating day! I hope your headache clears soon.

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## Paula

Is the headache from the oxides?

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## Pen

I think the changes will be OK. It will help to tie the piece together. 
I have been getting these headaches a lot recently. Had a bad one last Saturday. I dont think its the oxides as I started getting them before I started messing with the stuff. But they can be poisonous and do need to be treated with more care than I give them really. I suspect that the problem is related to pollen. I am on antihistamines all the time but when the pollen really kicks off I still have problems. Anyway 2 paracetamol do seem to have helped. I think I may goto bed in a moment, I am just so tired.

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## Suzi

I'm trying hard to keep my eyes open too, and have been al hayfevery too, but like you I'm on antihistamines all the time anyway, but this years pollen seems to be "well 'ard"  :O:  
Make sure you go for a shower and wash your hair as apparently you catch pollen and store it so it's still there even after it should have settled outside...

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## Pen

I think that the sculpture is finally finished... maybe. I have left it with my tutor and the technician to do the final firings and I will see it complete next Thursday. Which means I finally have some time to finish my paperwork!

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## Suzi

WOW!!!! Well done!! Are you pleased with it? Do we get to see pics?

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## Paula

Brilliant  :):  can't wait to see it!

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## Pen

The only pics I have at the moment are pre firing and it will change colour when fired. I hope to be able to unveil it next Friday in its completed form. I will have to get some breeze blocks and pebbles to complete the construction, plus I am planning to put Lapis Luzuli stones in the eyes (They are blue with streaks of gold pyrite) mounted in silver. It is however getting quite exciting, I have throughout tried not to be too "precious" about it as large ceramic sculptures like this are notorious for warping, cracking and altering and I did not really believe it would survive. Now I am getting a bit more hopeful, although one of the base pieces has a 12 inch crack in it which will probably widen with this next firing. I am just hoping it does not completely break in half. At least I am on schedule for finishing on time. One of the other ceramic sculptors has two larger than life busts (fantastically realistic portraits) which have yet to dry for their first firing. My tutor is tearing his hair out as to if they will be ready as all the work is due to be marked in two weeks time.

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## Suzi

Wow! It sounds so exciting!

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## Paula

Wow, wow, wow! I wouldn't even know where to start coming up with ideas for something like that

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## rose

What do you do about the cracks, forgive me for sounding a bit dumb, do you glue them together afterwards?

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## Pen

Well it depends. If the piece breaks completely then the breaks are usually (not always) very clean and can be glued back together.  A crack is more difficult. I suppose the best way to describe the problem is by imaging a crack in a rock (not a break, just a crack) and imagine trying to glue it together. There is no movement so you cant push the pieces together. You are left with a few options. The first one is to fill it with something. This is OK on something like my sculpture, I can fill the gap with polyfilla if necessary and paint over as the cack is on the base and so wont be so obvious, but not so good on a more delicate piece of work. The next option is to just live with it if its not too bad or the Japanese make a feature out of cracks by lining them with gold leaf. If none of these appeal then the piece becomes hardcore and you have fun smashing it up....

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## Suzi

Awesome!!

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## Paula

When is the sculpture due to come out of the kiln?

----------


## Pen

The base is being fired over the weekend and will be out Tuesday. Then the head and tail go in and should be out Thursday. So by Thursday night it should all be done and I will know what size stones I need for the eyes and can goto Wicks and get the pebbles for it to sit on and the breeze blocks to hold the middle up!

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Paula (15-05-15)

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## rose

Sounds awesome  :):

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## Angie

That sounds brilliant hun

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## Pen

Been a very sad day today. A few weeks ago I wrote as to how hubby came over unexpectedly so he could go and visit an elderly friend/customer who was anxious that he had not been to cut her grass for a while and was suffering badly from depression. He has been seeing her regularly over the last few weeks, trying to keep an eye on her, and he said last time he saw her (two weeks ago) that she was looking much better and did seem to be eating again (she had become just a skeleton, and there was not much of her to start with!!). This morning her daughter went to take her out for the day and found her dead in her bed. We dont know what has happened, if her death was natural or helped along at the moment but we are both devastated. He was kicking himself that he did not go over yesterday as he had planned to do originally and of course wondering if he could have done more.

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## Mira

I am so sorry. That must be aweful.

At times like this we all question ourselfs. Did we do enough? Should I have done this or that? But he went over and looked after her. 
My condolences.

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## Suzi

Oh Pen I'm so sorry. That must have been awful for your Daughter... I hope she's as ok as she can be. As Welf has said, at times like this it's so easy to blame yourself even though you didn't do anything wrong, but it sounds as if you all went out of your way to look after her.

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## Pen

It was not my daughter, it was her daughter who found her. My daughter did not really know her.

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## Suzi

Sorry, my misunderstanding...

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## Paula

I'm so sorry for all of you, and her family. OH did as much as he could and probably wouldn't have been able to change things even if he had gone over yesterday.

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## Pen

Of course we dont know what really happened. She was in her mid 70's, she has not really been looking after herself, hardly eating and drinking. It may have been natural causes, we will have to wait and see what the outcome will be of any investigations.
Hopefully hubby will stop beating himself up, he was in tears yesterday, but as you say and I told him it probably would not have made any difference if he had been there yesterday, after all her daughter was so it was not as if she had been alone all day.

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## Suzi

:Panda:  Hope you are doing OK hunni x

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## Pen

I'm fine, just a bit shocked. Trying to compete my written work today, but also trying to do my bowls so running round like a headless chicken. It was tipping down here first thing but I was determined that Ember was going to go out and had to drag her out of the house and she walked round the block with her ears flattened against her head and her tail tucked between her legs refusing to go to the toilet. I think she has only just now relieved herself from about 2:30 last night! Funny how she can hold on when she has to!!

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## Suzi

Bless her! It's been pouring here all day!

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## Pen

Made good progress yesterday. I think apart from a bit of filing I have finished the paperwork. There is probably more I can do. I could add in an article I found about the chemistry of ceramics to the literature review, but as it is only worth about 6% I don't think I will bother. My college mentor is coming today (for the last time) I hope to get her to proof read them all. I may have to ply her with lots of coffee to keep her awake!
We have a marketing guy coming in today so I am going to take my marketing materials in and hopefully I will get a bit of time with him.

Ember was very good yesterday. I think I have finally cracked the football problem. She used to think that every football she saw was HERS... and would tear off to try and steal one whenever she heard or saw it, once with disastrous consequences when it was a kids beach ball and she put her teeth through it. When she heard a ball being kicked that was it... she would become fixated on having it and no amount of shouting and calling would get her to come back, I would have to go after her and try and catch her before she destroyed the ball. Now this was not such a huge problem when we lived in the village. There was two designated football fields where the kids would play and lots of countryside to walk in well away from footballs. Now we are in town though we have to walk in the park and on fine sunny afternoons there are lots of kids with balls. So I have been working on her training, getting her to understand that not chasing off will result in getting treats and praise and it seems to be paying off. Yesterday when we got round the park there was two little boys and their dad having a kick around and she did not run off. But what was really great was that we walked round the lake and as we were coming back up onto the main path we came round the corner and unexpectedly right into the boys and their ball. She completely ignored it and ran straight past. YAY :(party):

----------

Paula (19-05-15),rose (19-05-15)

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## Suzi

Brilliant!

----------


## Paula

Great training!

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## Angie

Thats brilliant hun

----------


## Pen

Well I went down to college to find the marketing man had cancelled. So back home again.  My college mentor came and looked through all my stuff. Apart from a few tweaks she felt it was finished. So just the practical to finish off and I am done.

Its so scary... Its really starting to hit home that it is almost over and I will have to try and make some money.  :(:

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## Paula

But also, it's almost over and you get to make some money doing what you love  :):

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## Suzi

That's brilliant news!

----------


## Pen

One of the tutors emailed us all tonight asking if we wanted anything looked over before the deadline so I emailed him the lot....  :(rofl):  

Well he did ask.

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## Suzi

Nicely done!   :(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Brilliant  :(giggle):

----------


## Pen

Just done a quick add up and I recon I have written about 14,000 words. Hopefully that will be enough!

Not good this morning. Tired and flat. Still got stuff to do for college but struggling to get going. Just want to sleep....

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## Angie

Hopefully it is enough hun, Give yourself time to wake up and maybe get some air with Ember by taking her for a walk as that will help you wake up properly and also give you a bit of energy, then one thing at a time for College hun

----------


## Suzi

I hope you're feeling a little brighter now hunni?

----------


## Pen

Walked the dog. Still not great. Got a thick head like I have a headache coming on. I have my friend coming at 10 for coffee. Until then I think a bit of gentle sanding and burnishing of pots maybe all I can manage. Maybe I will will feel energetic enough to roll out some clay for another pot later.

I am also feeling that I would like to do some drawing, maybe work on the mandala I started at the beginning of the year. I have an excuse that I cannot do anything with the written work until my tutor replies...

----------


## Suzi

Hope you've had a good time with your friend. What did you do - clay or mandala?

----------


## Pen

You know you have a good friend when they are quite happy to have their coffee out of a pirate mug, knowing it probably is the only clean cup in the place!!

Did a bit of clay but I have to confess I have been very un productive today. Was so tired lunchtime I went and had a nap for a bit. Then took my car over to the garage as it has a strange rattle. Turns out to be the steering rack so back on Friday to have it fixed. ( I have used this garage for over 16 years and they know me well but when Andy said "we think it is just the water bottle rattling" I nearly said "really????" you dont think that I know better than that!!)

On my way home I was deep in thought about lithophanes (if you don't know what these are look them up they are AWESOME) and how I could make them and went into automatic pilot. I came to as I was driving down the main street of my old village.... seems I had forgotten where I live!!

Feeling very tempted to be naughty and bring the pot I am burnishing into the house and curl up on the sofa, do my burnishing and catch up on the episodes of Judge John Deed I have recorded but not yet watched... (burnishing gives a lovely finish but it is time consuming and VERY boring)

----------


## Suzi

Those lithophanes do look awesome!
Glad you had a good time with your friend hunni..

----------


## Paula

A day doing gentle, easy things after all the stress you've been under (which you've handled amazingly btw) is not such a bad idea!

----------


## Pen

Went into college today thinking that I would be home by lunchtime. Fat chance.... Base came out of the kiln needing glazing before refiring which took most of the day. Had a chance to sit down with a guy from a marketing company which was great. If I had had to pay for his time it would have cost me quite a bit. The downside was that whilst he gave me great advice it means scrapping everything I have done in terms of my marketing setup and start again.

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! In what way?

----------


## Pen

I need to change the company name, create a logo that reflects my dragon story and tie my company brand together better. Which means that the branding I have done so far will have to be scrapped.

----------


## Paula

Why change the name?

----------


## Pen

The chap said that the name does not really tell anyone what i do so i should change to Carantoc Art School.

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## Suzi

At the end of the day you don't have to if you want to keep it as it is. Look at companies such as Yodel - name doesn't tell you anything about them but I think it's fair to say that they are pretty successful!

----------


## rose

You could re-brand later if you feel you want to do that.

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## Pen

I will go along with some of his suggestions. Yodel and companies like it tend to have a "tag" line that tells you a bit about them. So he did suggest I could go for something like:
Carantoc Art
Teaching Art for everyone

or Carantoc Art
The art school for everyone

Or Carantoc Art School
Art for everyone

On another note I have just reserved the semi precious stones for the sculpture. £12.50 EACH!!!! (need 2) thankfully the tutors have persuaded the college management to pay for them...

OK. Better go and empty the kiln and restart it with the next firing.

I plan to walk up to the chemist today to get my prescription. About 6 miles round trip. Ember should sleep well tonight!!

----------


## Pen

Oooooo now I'm sore. Walked upto the chemist. Took about an hour. Was planning to get a sandwich there but when I got up there I remembered that there was a Costa on the site and I had a Costa gift card in my bag from Christmas. So Ember and I stopped there for lunch (Brie and Bacon Panini and a blueberry muffin  :P:  ) then walked back. Now I have stopped things are stiffening up!

Dont feel I have done anything today really even though I have

Glazed three bowls. Emptied and reloaded the kiln. Reserved my stones. Taken the car to the garage and returned to collect the car. Drained the central heating system to sort out a pressure problem. Refilled my water feature. Bought some plants (and a radiator key) and been out with the dog for nearly three hours.

----------


## Paula

Blueberry muffin mmmmmm. You've done loads, why don't you put your feet up for a bit?

----------


## Suzi

I hope you're resting hunni!

----------


## Angie

You have done a lot, so resting up seems a good idea to be honest hun

----------


## Pen

Spending a bit of time doing some drawing this evening. Working on redesigning my logo.

----------


## Suzi

Can't wait to see it!

----------


## Pen

I am quite pleased with how its going but I am so out of practise with drawing that my hand is getting painful. Will need to try and find what I have done with my drawing glove.

Just had an email from my tutor to say that everything I have sent him is excellent and I just need to finish off and forget it  :(whew):

----------

Paula (23-05-15)

----------


## Pen

The lead tutor was talking on Thursday about us presenting our practical work.... Everything we done through the year (although he said he would let me off with photos) He said it was OK I would get at least a third....

My friend says if I dont get a first she is going to march down the college and sort them out. She is a little lady in her 70's... They should be afraid...be very afraid... :Ninja: 

Personally I will be happy if I get a 2:2 or higher.  However if I got a third I would be ok. At least its a pass and it will be over.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds brilliant! I'm no artist, but I love your work!

----------


## rose

Pen, you have done amazingly well doing your degree even though you've been so unwell. When do you find out your grade?

----------


## Pen

Well I hand in the work this week. Then i have to give a 30 minute presentation to the examiners. Then sometime after that we get our grades. I suspect sometime around the middle of June.

----------


## Paula

I'm studying at the moment, as you know, but I just have to remember stuff. For you to create art like you do is amazing! Not in the same league, but my daughter did GCSE Art and there was an unbelievable amount of work, so I have an inkling of what you've had to do for your degree whilst, as Rose says, being unwell. You really are inspirational!

----------

Pen (23-05-15)

----------


## Pen

Hubby has been a superstar today. I have had his help all day. He has fixed the fence, cleared the weeds and rubbish from the front garden and dug the bed over. This does not sound much till you realise that the bed was full of rubble, clay and huge stones (probably about half a hundred weight each) I could never have shifted them, but he is very strong and was able to roll them out. I have a new rockery now.  :(rofl):  He then planted up my roses and some other plants and cut back the pampus glass and the trees. Then finally he put up the four brackets for the hanging baskets.

----------

Paula (23-05-15)

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## Pen

I've just been so bad today.

Got up then went back to bed till 12. Walked the dog for an hour, but was then shattered. Have tried to do some stuff but everything is an uphill struggle today.

Hardly eaten anything all day as I just dont feel hungry and daughter has just told me that she is not going to cook dinner (as she had told us she would) and if I want anything then I will have to make it myself but that is just too much bother when I dont feel hungry.

----------


## Paula

Sweetie, you've been so busy, I suspect it's just a normal bit of comedown after all the nerves and excitement.  Tbh, I'm not surprised your body's having a catch up day, you've been non stop for months. Don't worry too much  :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

I'm completely with Paula. I'm sure it's where you've been so busy!

----------


## Pen

I just hope it passes soon.

I have finished my first attempt at a new logo. See what you think

http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...psyzu1rsop.jpg

----------


## Paula

Ooo I like! It very much references your sculptures

----------


## Suzi

I like the reference to your work too!

----------


## magie06

It's brilliant. Wow!

----------


## Pen

Thank you everyone. Been a funny day. Been struggling to get going again. However I did have coffee with my friend. Get some shopping. Plant up 4 hanging baskets. Fix my water feature (hopefully). Plant up my delphinium and a rock plant. Fill my incinerator with sawdust and a pot and set light to it (think I may have  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off the neighbours!). prepare dinner. Do an email shot. Get my first booking for my courses. rework the web site with the new logo and colour scheme and start another pot.

----------


## Suzi

Wow, that's a huge amount. Do you ever sit still?  :):

----------


## Pen

Oh and I forgot. Walked the dog twice and washed my king sized, hand knitted bedspread....

No its a bad habit really as I end up stressing myself out with overwork, I blame my mother. She always had a saying "dont kill time, work it to death"

OK off to check my fire, then going to bed.

----------


## Suzi

Hope you got some sleep hun...

----------


## Pen

Had a bad night. Could not get off to sleep, tossed and turned till about 12:30 when I went and did the washing up. Finally got off to sleep about 1:30. I could have taken a lorazapam but it leaves me so washed out the next day I did not want to risk it. I am so anxious about how I will get by financially at the moment.

----------


## Suzi

Can you do a proper budget so you work everything out?

----------


## Pen

Oh I have, thats whats worrying me. If I dont get bookings I am screwed.

----------


## Paula

You will get bookings, I'm sure. I suspect what you're feeling is pretty much everyone's thoughts when starting a venture like this.  Have you been advertising?

----------


## Suzi

As Paula has said, have you advertised? Where? What about things like Church or school noticeboards?

----------


## Pen

No I have not really started advertising yet. The first course is not till the 16th July and I dont want to promote the course too early. 

Spent the day finishing off my written work. Its amazing how long little things can take. I have numbered every article I have in the research folders and it took HOURS!! However now happy that everything is presented as well as it can be, even managed to find a nice plastic box that it all fits into perfectly as if it was made for the job.

My bin fired pot came out ... a bit strange, the inside has gone jet black but the outside is still cream... but that is the beauty of bin firing you never know what you will get. It has a couple of themo shock cracks which I have lined with gold leaf, now considering if I will add a few more gold leaf "fault" lines.

----------


## Suzi

The pot sounds beautiful! 
I'd say go for it on the advertising front and you can always have a waiting list!

----------


## Pen

I am sorting out the online advertising at the moment. I have added the courses to Netmums (its free and comes up right behind Weston college on the listings if you put in art courses in Weston super mare) and am in the process of adding them to Hotcourses. After that its down to the physical adverts.

----------


## Pen

Another bad night. Tried having a hot chocolate with nutmeg when I went to bed but still could not get off to sleep. Did the washing up at 12:30 and finally got off to sleep at 1:30. Wide awake at 5 then slept fitfully till 7. Worried that this is the start of something!
Did my budget again last night and I really dont need to be worried, that still is not stopping me though  :(sweat):

----------


## Paula

:Panda:  hunni, you're at the start of a huge change in your life. What you've dreamed of for so long is finally happening.  I'd say fitful sleep is a normal reaction to this

----------


## Pen

Yes probably.

My little boy (6ft 3 in his socks and about to turn 20) has just invested in his first real suit. Moss Bros job. He spent more on it than his dad spent on buying his last car! Gave us a show this evening, he looks so dapper!! Ah they grow up so fast.
He has bought it as he is attending his gf's sisters wedding next month in Germany. She is a lawyer and it will be an upmarket bash! He has promised me a new photo of him and GF in their best to replace the school picture I have of him aged 9 when he was refusing to cut his hair. I have not managed to get a photo of him since then!!

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Paula (27-05-15)

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## Suzi

Aww!! 
I'd say fitful sleep is totally normal in your kind of circumstances.....

----------


## Pen

Been very, very naughty this evening. Bought myself a new bracelet. Second one I have bought this month. Its a leather and bead wrap bracelet. The last one I bought was in green on grey leather and it is really comfortable and covers up the worst of the scars on my wrist. This one is blue and opal on brown leather. I wear blue most of the time so I thought it would go better with my clothes (well thats my excuse anyway!!)  :(wasntme):

----------


## Paula

Sounds gorgeous!

----------


## Pen

Slept a bit better last night. I think exaustion finally caught up with me.

Ember.... what a dog!!! This morning I open a can of special dog food (£1.50 a tin) Duck with plum. Looks fab, full of meat and real vegetables. I mix a little dry mixer with it.

What does she do????

She picks out a lump of meat and very carefully carries it away and places it on my seat on the sofa. Then she picks out the mixer and leaves the rest of the meat.... Doesnt she know there are dogs starving in the world who would give their canines for that meal????  :^):

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Paula (28-05-15)

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## Suzi

I can understand you wanting something to conceal scars lovely. 
Ember!!!

----------


## Pen

Well its naughty as do already have one but I could not resist.

http://www.victoriaemerson.co.uk/col...ealis-on-brown

Went out for a couple of hours to college, came home to find Ember had decided that the box of kindling was too tempting and she had pulled must of it out across the floor, selected a tasty bit and was chewing it up when I came in.

I had planned to go out to the office and do some work but I am on the sofa in the sitting room with Ember wedged against my right side and our cat Hazel wedged against the left. If I stood up they would roll together.  :(rofl):  They are lovely and warm though so I dont feel the urge to move, I do however feel the urge to fall asleep with them.  :(snooze):

----------


## Pen

Crashed this morning. Everything is getting me down. Stupid things. My head is full of negative thoughts and I cant move on.

Things like next doors dog. The picture of the beautiful model on the front of the pack a new blouse was in. That my hair needs cutting but I am scared to have it done. That I dont have the energy to walk Ember. That a kid in the next village to where I used to live was knocked down and killed. That my daughters bf is moving in this weekend and has invited his parents over next weekend to meet me and see the house and its still a tip. That I have the studio to paint but I have no energy to do it. That I started painting the ceiling in the studio a week or so ago and only managed about 2 sq metres before I had to give up. That from next week I will have to do all the shopping and cooking for me and my son. That my bed needs changing but I cant face doing it. That I still have to write a massive presentation for the examiners next week. That my fish sculpture is now much drabber after final firing than I had wanted it to be (my tutor loves it though). That I want to cry but the tears wont come.

----------


## Suzi

Aw Pen, you sound like you need someone to give you a huge hug  :Panda:  :(bear): . Can you try working on 1 bit at a time? Maybe take an hour out of doing everything and just taking Ember for a walk (I'm hoping you don't have the rain we've had this morning) and blowing the cobwebs away a bit?

----------


## Pen

I just cant do anything today. After I got up, showered and dressed I went back to bed for 2 hours, everything is just too much. Did think about doing some drawing but the pencils are at the end of the coffee table and I just cant find the energy to reach them.

I did take Ember out though, we went to the closest field (about 5 mins away) and I threw her ball for her so we did get a bit of exercise. 

Seriously thinking about going back to bed again now.

----------


## Paula

Well done for doing that. That's one thing off the list. Can you figure out what one, and only one, thing on your list you could do with doing today, do you think you can do at least part of that and forget about the rest today?

----------


## Pen

i've given up and gone back to bed. Listening to Dad's Army.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing now lovely?

----------


## Pen

Well I have tried to do something. I drove up to the chemist and got my weeks tablets then took Ember round to the park round the corner from there. Tried to fix my water feature AGAIN. (still dripping!!) but it has exhausted me. Daughter is cooking dinner for us all for the last time and I am crashed on the sofa again.

----------


## Suzi

Why for the last time?

----------


## Pen

Ah. Everything is changing here from the 1st June. 
BF is moving in this weekend.
All three "kids" will be paying me the same amount of rent each towards the bills.
In the case of my son that will include food and he and I will cook meals for each other.
In the case of daughter and BF they will be buying their own food and cooking (and hopefully cleaning up) their own meals. Daughters "rent" contribution up till now has been to do all the shopping but this has not always worked out well and I feel not always in my favour. Recently I have had to buy more and more stuff like bread, milk, butter and eggs as well as meals for me and my son when she is working late so this way I can get a fixed amount from her and try and control the shopping myself.

We still have to sort out who buys things like toilet rolls and cleaner and agree a cleaning rota and my son is convinced that we will fighting over the ketchup and the washing up but we see how this works out.

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## Paula

Fingers crossed it works out, sounds like a good plan

----------


## Suzi

That sounds like a really good plan hunni.

----------


## magie06

It sounds like a great idea Pen. When I was younger and still living at home, I had to hand up part of my wages every week.  It's no big deal. They will get used to it. Be strong and accept their rent every week on the same day, and don't accept any excuses.

----------


## Pen

I have insisted that they pay me monthly by direct debit that way it will get paid without them having to faff around.

They have been paying rent as I said my daughter did it through the shopping, my son does a bank transfer this will just make it fairer.

----------


## Pen

:S: .....

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## Pen

If I just went back to bed for the day would anyone care?

----------


## Suzi

We would...

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## rose

What did you end up doing Pen?

----------


## Pen

Walked the dog, fixed the water feature (hopefuly) took Dad out shopping. Came home and went to bed for the rest of the day.

----------


## rose

It sounds like you did pretty well really. I hope the water feature is finally fixed!

----------


## Pen

So do I! Had a bad anxiety attack in the supermarket and could not cope with my own shopping, just managed to get Dad round and home.

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## rose

Oh no, what do you think triggered that?

----------


## Pen

I think it was a combination of generally feeling poorly and the number of people in there. We have motorbike racing on the beach this weekend and the town is full of people.

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## Suzi

you could do online shopping? It's my godsend tbh...

----------


## Pen

Yes I always used to till my daughter took over the shopping. Unfortunately I cant get Dad to do it so I have to take him. Also we have an Aldi 3 mins drive away so it would make sense to get as much as I could there and save money.

Hubby has just been down Asda to try and get the squash I drink (Its one of the few things I can drink that does not irritate my mouth.) Unfortunatly they have none... and I have one serving left.... devistated...  :=(:

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## rose

Also it makes sense to keep going and keep facing that fear. I know it feels horrible at the time, but you were able to do your dad's shopping, which is great, and it shows you can do it.
Like you said, it was probably due to the crowds, also it was really hot yesterday which wouldn't have helped.

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## Suzi

Hope you've found something else which doesn't irritate you...

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## Pen

Hubby tried his best. He came back with a concentrated version, but I have tried it before and its no substitute. However he also brought back some summer fruits for me to try and as a second best it is quite drinkable. I went back to Aldi today and bought enough stuff to get dinner tonight which I got my son to cook, I was OK till I got to the checkout and the huge queues, luckily the person in front of me saw I just had three items and offered for me to go first.

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## Suzi

I know that Marc struggles with the queues in Aldi.
Glad you have a substitute though.

----------


## Pen

Still wobbling.... Went into college to hand in my artwork... AARRRGGGG First they wanted it in one room, then told it had to be in another, then told no, it has to back in the first room... All my course mates are on edge.
I have a slot for my presentation to the examiners 10am Wednesday.

----------


## Suzi

Is your presentation ready to go? You can do this, you've done so well!

----------


## Pen

No. Been trying to write it for days but cant get a handle on it.

----------


## rose

I usually just write a load of slides, starting with whatever comes to mind first, then work out the order afterwards. Basically, I start in the middle!

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## Suzi

What's it on?

----------


## Pen

Everything we have done this year, how our research has formed our artwork, where this has lead our business plans and how we go forward from here.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds like something that is think you'd enjoy.. Start at the beginning and go... Your artwork is amazing, you have your own studio, Facebook page.. Talk about your art on the beach..  You are so talented all you have to do is talk about it... Share your passion and vision...

----------

Paula (01-06-15)

----------


## Pen

Yes its just about putting it all together in a coherent way that will be interesting and informative

----------


## Suzi

You can do it. I have faith in you.

----------


## Pen

URG my head is all over the place, even have a headache, I feel like death, just so tired and I need to pull this out of the hat. This presentation is worth quite a chunk of the final marks and apparently can also affect the marks of the other units. After yesterday with everyone comparing notes about how much they had (or had not) done I am sure that I have done really badly.

----------


## Paula

You say that a lot, then completely ace whatever work you're doing - I'm sure you'll be awesome as usual  :):

----------


## rose

Perhaps you should take a walk, take a notepad with you and just walk and let your thoughts come, rather than sitting at home trying to force them. Its almost like you have writer's block. When is the presentation?

----------


## Suzi

You will be awesome.

----------


## Pen

OK it is written!! 23 slides, hopefully will take about 25 minutes. It has so many pictures in it that it is a massive file and I am currently uploading it slowly to Onedrive. I will download it onto the college computers in the morning, I no longer trust a flash drive or memory stick.

I had to go out for an hour and buy a new outfit as we have to wear "business attire" and I did not think that my old jeans would cut the mustard!

I had planned to get a haircut, and dye my hair before the session tomorrow, but that is not going to happen!!

At least after 10:30 tomorrow I can sit in the college coffee shop, relax and watch the others panicking. My friend L was supposed to be the first up tomorrow but I know that she has moved her slot so it maybe that I will be the first to get it out of the way.

----------


## Paula

Well done, and good luck tomorrow  :):

----------


## rose

Good luck Pen!  :):

----------


## Suzi

Good luck Pen! Remember, you know your stuff and let your passion shine! You are awesome and we are all right behind you!

----------


## Pen

Thank you everyone. It went really well and the key tutor said it was fab.

----------


## Paula

:(party):  that's brilliant news! Well done x

----------


## Suzi

Excellent! I hope you're doing something nice to celebrate?

----------


## rose

You're awesome. Does this mean you are done? When do you get the result?

----------


## Pen

Went and had lunch at the cafe in the boatyard with three of my friends (not inc L!) and had a lovely time, I hope to keep contact with them. All the work to be marked has been handed in or presented. There is nothing more to do to get my grades. We still have to setup the show but that is just logistics and does not count in the marking. They will finish the marking early next week. Then the external verifier from Bath Spa University comes in and checks that he/she agrees with the marking that our tutors have done. Then we will get our grades next Thursday.
As you can imagine there is quite a bit of speculation going around about who will get firsts, and if anyone will fail. I suspect there will be some surprises next week.

----------


## Pen

Now dont know what to do with myself tonight... dum de dum....I could read a book, watch a film, do some housework... or create my new advertising materials.  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Wow! That's so exciting! Go for a walk with ember and then do something just for you!

----------


## Paula

Pen, you're truly an inspiration - absolutely amazing!

----------


## Pen

I would be pleased if I thought that my story inspires someone else that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel and that forced change though mental health problems is not always the end of the road, something good can come out of it. Over the last five years I have learnt a lot not just the college stuff but about people and their problems and I would like to think that actually my depression and breakdown has remodeled me into a better person. The japanese have a technique for repairing broken pottery called Kintsugi where they stick the broken pieces together with a special glue mixed with powdered gold. The repaired pieces are often more beautiful and valuable than the orginal unbroken pot. I would like to think of myself as a Kintsugi pot, you can see the cracks and scars but that adds to my value  :(rofl): 

http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...stsyuimxj.jpeg

----------


## Paula

That's beautiful!

----------


## Suzi

That is beautiful! What a wonderful thing!

----------


## Pen

I was feeling very poetic this morning.   :P:

----------


## Suzi

I loved the positivity of it!

----------


## Pen

Yes I think now I have a little more time on my hands I may write a blog for Moodscope on it.

----------


## Suzi

Brilliant!

----------


## Pen

Been rather stupid this afternoon. Did too much. Went to Asda, Boots, Lidl and Homebase. Spent far too much money in Homebase on plants. Now totally washed out. Too tired to get the new plants into the garden, too tired to do any more tiding and cleaning which I need to do before daughters BF's parents come to visit tomorrow, too tired to cook dinner and too tired to walk dog.

----------


## Suzi

I hope you are at least having a little rest now? I also hope that your Daughter and her bf are going to help too hunnipie...

----------


## magie06

Can you skip dinner today and go straight to a takeaway? Maybe your daughter will walk the dog? Go to bed early and then you might have more energy for cleaning with your daughter tomorrow?

----------


## Pen

No, cooked dinner but it was a bit later than I had planned, I had forgotten I had invited two of my fellow students over, one of who wanted to have a look at my kiln to see if he could fit some of his future work in it (for a fee of course!). Cant get my daughter to walk the dog for love nor money so she did not get another walk today ,but she did have a good hour this morning. Daughter did clean up the kitchen a bit and wash the floor, however she then cooked a batch of cookies and got flour over the floor which is still there, so one step forward, one back! Cant get her to tidy my sitting room, its MY space and I dont want her rearranging things... Did manage to unpack two more boxes today (unpacking has taken a bit of back seat for a few months once we had the essentials done) I think we may have just one box left.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like you're really working on things which is really positive..

----------


## Pen

As hubby (who did not come over last night) would put it, I am on a downer this morning....

My water feature is leaking badly again, the new goldfish were down to 6 inches of water this morning... I have tried numerous things to fix it and they work for a day or so then it starts again.

Despite spending several hours tiding, my sitting room is still a dump. I cant let visitors see it like this. and of course I will have to meet the "inlaws" without hubby...

----------


## Paula

:(bear):  hunni. Is the water feature new? Can you take it back to where you got it from?

Hope the visit goes ok xx

----------


## Pen

> Is the water feature new?


 Yes




> Can you take it back to where you got it from?


 No... I built it myself from large plastic barrel planters and drainpipe I got from Homebase.  :(rofl): 

I sealed the joints initially with drainpipe sealer. It is terrible stuff. I did not realise that it never really sets, it turns into a putty after about 48 hours. So you can push it back into the joints but eventually the pressure of water forces its way through. (It is also really horrible stuff to work with fresh out of the tube, if you get it on your hands, and it seems impossible not to, then the ONLY way to get it off is with white spirit). I then tried mixing ptfe plumbers tape into the sealer and forcing it into the join. That did not work. I then tried a special sealer tape, but the water worked its way through the glued side and oozed out the sides. I then arranged the tape to catch the drips on the non glued side and funnel them into the next barrel which worked really well for three days. Dont know what has happened now I will have to dismantle the thing again and come up with a plan E....

----------


## Suzi

Oh what a nightmare! Would love to see it though!

----------


## Paula

Ah .....

----------


## Pen

OK, rediscovered and dusted areas of the house that I had forgotton about (including dusting two boxes of chocolates!)! Floor washed, rugs vacuumed, hairy sofa covered with clean throw, hall divested of months of junk mail that had piled up on the table, washing up done (BF did that one) dinning room table tidied and set straight (daughter did that one) cookies arranged on plate, stuff I have no idea what to do with pushed under chairs and sofa, dog poo picked up in the garden, rubbish cleared away.... Do you think they will suspect I have been trying too hard  :(rofl): 

I thought I was doing well till bf told me that his mum vacuums and dusts the house and does two to three loads of washing every day. My place is still a pigsty compared with someone who does that much housework... :(sweat):

----------


## Suzi

Yeah, she might do that much, but I bet she hasn't just FINISHED a degree course, set up her own studio, dealt with her own mh illness, moved house and had her daughters boyfriend move in!

----------


## Pen

Well I survived.... It was hard going... Don't get me wrong she was nice but not a great talker, very private person, and I had to lead the conversation. If I asked her a question she would answer and not take it any further so there were a few awkward pauses.
Anyway I now have a very clean downstairs wonder if I can keep it like this for a week or so!!

----------


## magie06

Good job Pen. When you are fifty years married, you will still remember this day and shudder! Lol.

----------


## Paula

Well done, hunni, you've met, there's no need to do that again or a while  :):

----------


## magie06

And bonus, you don't have to tidy your house for a while.

----------


## Suzi

Well done hunni!

----------


## Pen

> Good job Pen. When you are fifty years married, you will still remember this day and shudder! Lol.


Oh I well remember the first time I met my future MIL it was about 28 years ago. We had chatted for a while when she said "Oh let me show you something" She came back with a suitcase full of baby clothes she had knitted in the hope of having a grandchild sometime in the future to wear them.... I certainly knew what was expected of me if I was going to marry her son.  :(rofl):  :(rofl): 

My blog got published by moodscope today and got some lovely responses so I am happy this morning. :(inlove):  it is always nice when I get printed.   

http://moodscope.blogspot.co.uk/2015...3ee2a-93277445

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## Suzi

Congratulations on the publication...

----------

magie06 (07-06-15)

----------


## Paula

Lovely blog, well done  :):

----------


## Angie

Well done with the blog hun

----------


## Pen

Thank you. Feeling inspired to write another one tonight!

Hubby is annoying me at the moment. He turned up at 9:30 last night. At 10 we went to bed, I wanted to talk but he turned over and pulled the duvet over his head. At 8 this morning when we woke up he got up and went out. Turned up at 7.30 this evening made a cup of tea, watched me as I watered the garden, said goodbye and gone back home.

Had a restful day though. Walked the dog, potted up two pots of herbs, planted out 6 plants in the front garden, made four watering bottles (the ground out the front is so dry the water just runs off the bank) collected about 60Kg of garden clay from someone in Weston, had ANOTHER go at fixing the water feature (not leaking at the moment but we will give it a week before I am sure!), did some drawing, unpacked what I think is the last box, cooked vegetables for dinner (my son cooked the chicken) finished reading my book, watered the garden and had a nap. 
Now I might back out and do a bit more drawing before bed.

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a busy day today hun

----------


## Suzi

Wow that's a really busy day! 
Did you get to talk to hubby at all? Seems like a shame when you didn't get to see him....

----------


## Pen

It sounds really busy but actually did feel quite restful  :(think): 

Well we exchanged a few words, hugs, kisses then he was gone...

One more week at college then we are all finished, not really looking forward to it as it will so unstructured.

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## Pen

Well today has certainly not been restful... Went into college and spent the morning painting walls and putting up strips of brown paper over joints. Came home, did an hour of weeding the grass out the patio and then helped my daughter construct a 5 drawer tallboy and a double wardrobe from Ikea. Took us 4 and a half hours. Decided that neither of us could face cooking so made the boys order Chinese (although I am paying).

----------


## Suzi

Painting walls? 
Sounds like another really busy day!

----------


## Pen

Having "one of those days"

Nearly poured my cereal into my tea

Put the milk away without putting on my cereal even though was why I got it out.

Drank half a glass of squash thinking it does not taste right and is a strange colour only realise that it was not the flavour I thought I had poured.

Came in to make a cup of coffee as I was thirsty only to find a cup of tea I had made 10 minutes earlier sitting by the kettle.

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## Paula

Sorry hunni that made me lol  :):

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## Suzi

This is so like my day!!

----------


## Pen

It seems to be in the air here in Weston. Took Dad shopping this afternoon. He put a can of soup in the trolley. I told him "that is everything on the list, anything else you need" and he says "Oh yes I need some soup" !!!!

Although at 89 I think we can allow him one or two senior moments!!

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## Suzi

Lol! I'm wondering what excuse is for putting the cling film in the fridge?

----------

Paula (09-06-15),Pen (10-06-15)

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## Angie

These made me smile and it so like the things I do

----------


## Pen

Ember decided that I needed to get up at 6 this morning... I thought she needed to go out but she was not bothered and when I then sat on the sofa to drink my tea and eat my breakfast she curled up and went back to sleep... ARRRGGG I want to come back as a loved dog! I am trying so hard not to go back to bed and sleep as I know that will muck up my day but its tempting!!

On another note I noticed something odd last night. Since 2010 I have religiously done Moodscope and have a very comprehensive chart of my mood ups and downs over the years. Since September my mood has generally been pretty good with some dips. Most of these dips are just an odd bad day and I picked up again the next day, however some of these last three or four days and there is a pattern in these. Before Christmas I was getting a dip once a month sometime around the middle of the month. Since Christmas though the dips have become 10 weeks apart.  If this really is a pattern then I can plan ahead to make sure that I am ready for the next one and maybe even be able to take actions to prevent it happening! By my calculations it would be due around August the 12th so we will see...

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## Suzi

I think that's really interesting re the moodscope chart. It would be good to see if it tallies with your prediction...

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## Paula

Bless Ember lol

It would be brill if you could have an idea of when the dips are due ....

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## rose

Hopefully they will get further apart too. Could it be hormone related?

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## Pen

I think the ones before Christmas could be hormones but not the ones since.

Had to go into college and talk to the examiner with a group of others about the course (what would we improve about the course that sort of stuff) I am now home and I feel really unsettled, like I have said too much.. sort of dirty and anxious....

Made a cup of tea, stood there for about 30 seconds with a teaspoon in each hand trying to remember which one I was using to make my tea before I realised that the spoon I was using was in the cup.

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## rose

Whatever you have said, its said now. I often worry about that sort of thing too. But then I get anxious if I haven't been able to say everything I wanted to. So, its kind of a losing battle.
Do you have many more days at college?

----------


## Pen

No. Tomorrow, Friday and Monday I am clearing out the rest of my stuff and setting up my pieces for the exhibition which has its grand opening at 6:00pm on Tuesday (best dress job!! terrifying as there will be a few thousand people coming including the great and the good from town and the press!) Then its just a matter of going in with friends over the next 9 days to show them exhibition, sitting around drinking coffee with them and a bit of stewarding/security work whilst the exhibition is on to keep sticky fingers off the paintings and stuff like that. On Friday 26th June we collect all our work and then thats it.... we go forth to darken the doors no more....

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## Paula

I thinks you're amazing, you've faced a lot of your triggers doing this course and you've got through, with flying colours!

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## Suzi

When do you get your results?

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## Pen

June the 18th. I am getting really anxious about opening night, I really aught to be there to promote my business but at the moment I am wondering if I can hide under the duvet that evening...

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## Suzi

Go! Enjoy hearing everyone saying such awesome things about your work!

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Paula (10-06-15)

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## Paula

I agree - enjoy your moment in the limelight  :):

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## Pen

Spent the afternoon hanging around college waiting to set my piece up. Still not happened. 
Got dragged in to help setup L's though. The tutor setting it up was too scared to go and fetch her stuff incase it got damaged, he though that I might not get the wrath as much. I had to bite my tongue when setting up, I really did not want to do it as I am sure that she will think we have done it wrong and she will complain. But hey, everyone is complaining. It happens every year. We all have a picture in our heads of how and what we want to exhibit but ultimately it comes down to the tutors and what they want and it is never what we have in our heads. I have been told tonight that my fish sculpture is going on a plinth to give it some height, again not what I had in mind but I have done this enough times to just roll with it. As long as it gets displayed I will be happy. It will mean that we have to make and paint a plinth tomorrow morning but they are going to make the plinth for me, I will just have to go and help paint, which I think I can cope with.

Although we have to wait till next week for the grades we have been told that everyone has passed and the external examiner was very impressed by the high standard of all the work.

----------


## Suzi

Doesn't seem fair that you've been spending your day sorting her stuff out though!
Congratulations on passing! (Although we knew you would!!)

Can't wait to see pics!

----------


## Pen

Not happy....

Yesterday was pants.... The piece did not want to go together and I ended up breaking some of it up strategically with a hammer to make it fit. Even so the sides had slumped so much that they would not fit and left bog gaps round the edge. The end result is PANTS!!!

Today has not been much better. Some time ago my daughter said that she and BF would help me with the decorating in the studio. This morning I asked if she would help me. Of course she had other things to do so I was grumpy. She got upset and grumpy too and hit the vodka bottle. Now we are not talking....

----------


## Pen

Oh pics are here.
http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...%20Show%202015

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## rose

That looks amazing! Maybe the key with your daughter is to ask her the weekend before?

----------


## matt

wow you're really talented  :):

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Pen (14-06-15)

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## Paula

It's awesome, hunni  :): 

Ummm she was drinking this morning?

----------


## Pen

Oh yes she was on her second vodka and orange by 11:30. 

She is OK today, we are on good terms again.

----------


## Pen

Yesterday we took my Dad out for fathers day (Yes I know its not till this Sunday but he is 89 and if he says that fathers day is on the 14th then its on the 14th!!) Somehow we got round to talking about school days and he said that he had his picture taken with the rest of the school in 1936 when he was a first year and it was hung on the school wall along with all the other photos of previous years. Well it was a long shot but last night I emailed the school and I was amazed to get a reply on a Sunday night. The picture is still there outside the heads study (along with a lot more since). I am astounded but its nice to know that in this ever changing world some things stay the same and I am sure that Dad will be tickled to know that a picture of his 11 year old self is still hanging around and will still be there long after he has gone.

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Paula (15-06-15)

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## Paula

That's lovely - do you think they email you a scan of it?

----------


## Angie

I was thinking the same as Paula I wonder if they would even let you pay for a copy that you could frame for your dad

----------


## Pen

The administrator has forwarded my email to the librarian so I am hopeful I may yet get a copy of it.

Hubby is driving me nuts again. He has now decided that he is NOT going to sell his house and his brother can go whistle for his money....

----------


## Angie

That sounds promising for the picture hunni
Has your husband said why he has changed his mind? or has his brother done something to annoy him so this is his reaction?

----------


## Pen

I think the problem is the brother that he lives with, M. M's health is not good, he cannot walk far now without having to stop to get his breath and hubby says when he washes M's socks that there is a sticky discharge in them although M has not said anything. I think M does not want to live anywhere else and cannot face a move and hubby is worried that moving will cause M too much stress. I also think that hubby just cannot deal with the idea of leaving the place either, I think that they both expect to live out all their lives in that house. Anyway I have passed on the message to the other brothers solicitor and we will wait for the escalating fireworks. It is possible that if it goes to court that a judge may rule in hubbys and M's favour.

----------


## Angie

It can be hard, does his brother get any help at all through gp's etc or social services if his health is bad? by the sound of it M needs to see a gp about that discharge and that might be a good oportunity for your husband to  talk to the gp at the same time if he goes with him

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## rose

I take it the house was left to the three brothers equally, but with no specific instructions about when it should be sold?
In my own opinion, I think your husband should sell and give his brother his share. You had to do it with your house after all!

My uncle lives in my grandfather's house and if my grandfather passes away, he could presumably stay in the house and block the sale. That's very worrying.

----------


## Paula

Oh hunni, what a horrible situation.  I knew M wasn't well but didn't realise he was that bad, and can completely understand why your husband is worried about the impact on his health if they move.   :(bear):  to you all

----------


## Pen

> It can be hard, does his brother get any help at all through gp's etc or social services if his health is bad? by the sound of it M needs to see a gp about that discharge and that might be a good oportunity for your husband to talk to the gp at the same time if he goes with him


He does get medication for his heart but I dont know when he last saw the Dr. I told Hubby that he needs to get him looked at but if M does not want to go then you cant force him...
I also doubt that he would let hubby go into the Dr's with him.




> I take it the house was left to the three brothers equally, but with no specific instructions about when it should be sold?
> In my own opinion, I think your husband should sell and give his brother his share. You had to do it with your house after all!


It was split 4 ways, my kids have a share between them which is why I am involved as their share was in trust until they were 18. As for selling well you are preaching to the choir, but its not my house and I have very little influence over hubby, especially when it comes to his brother, he feels very responsible for him. But also hubby and M do not like change and whilst they would like to magic up the money for S they also do not want to sell the house that they have lived in all their lives.
Hubby keeps doing the lottery every week in the hope that he will win enough money. Last week he got 3 numbers on the Eurolottery he was quite excited till he went to claim his winnings - £8.50....

----------


## rose

Pen, what do your kids think about this? Do you think perhaps they could use their influence on their dad to get this sorted out?
At their age I imagine that money would really really come in handy.

----------


## Pen

Oh I am sure it would, but they dont have that sort of relationship with their Dad. He would not talk to them about it, and they would be too scared of upsetting him to bring it up themselves. Neither of the kids want to force their Dad to do something he does not want to do and if he wants to stay in the house then they will back him.

----------


## Pen

Zombie this morning... Overslept after some really weird dreams about being in a psychiatric hospital then being a spy and was then woken by Dad ringing to say that he wanted to be picked up later tomorrow... Today I have so much to do and I am barely functioning.

I have to print off 100 + flyers
Take my daughter to the docs
Collect flyer holders from Staples
Finish setting up exhibition
Update my diary with all the times I have agreed to steward the show
Dye my hair
Walk the dog twice
Cook my son something to eat for tonight
tart myself up 
and get to the opening of my exhibition by 6:30 tonight.

Can I just go back to bed?

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## Angie

Awww hun, busy day today,

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## Paula

Thinking of you today - have fun at the exhibition

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## magie06

Busy day for you. Best of luck for the exhibition tonight.

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## Pen

Really dreading tonight. My best friend was going to come with me and give me some moral support, but she has been called away to look after her grandsons.

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## magie06

You've done all you can for now. Just let your hair down and go with the flow. Seriously you'll be great.

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Paula (16-06-15)

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## rose

I think you're much stronger than you think Pen. If things get too much at the exhibition, take a breather outside or hide in the loo.
Could one of your kids come with you for moral support? Or your husband? (I know this is a long shot!)

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## Angie

I'm sure once you are there hun things will be fine

----------


## Pen

Everyone has let me down... My daughter said she would come but she is feeling unwell. Hubby of course is in Wales. So just me....

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## Paula

It's not just you, there'll be your tutors and the other exhibitionists ( :O: ) there.  I can understand your nerves but it'll be great. Good luck, lovely

----------


## Angie

Good luck hun, am sure you will be busy and having fun

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## rose

You're in my thoughts, if that helps? I hope it goes well.

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## Pen

OMG so many people, so hot.... Not sure it would have made any difference if I had been there or not really, but I did catch up with some classmates. I am such an introvert though that I could not hang out with them, I needed my space. Stuck it out till the last hour though. Everyone was crowding round L's work most people just gave mine a curtesy glance. I am OK though, to be honest about 98% of the people there would be friends and relatives of the artists exhibiting and so the only pieces they really wanted to see would be the ones made by them. I am hoping that as the week goes on I may get more interest.

I have retreated to the peace of my upstairs studio at the moment as I needed some silence... except that there is a rescue helicopter buzzing around.

----------


## rose

Well done for going and doing it. Your fish sculpture is amazing, I am surprised more people didn't stop to look.

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## magie06

Well done you. Look at what you were able to do tonight. I'm very proud that you were able to go through with it.

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## Angie

Well done hun

----------


## Paula

See? You. Are. Awesome  :):

----------


## Pen

I have spent all day sitting in the college coffee shop stewarding the artwork there. All afternoon I have been drawing. We had about 20-30 people through. I am absolutely exhausted and all I have done is sit around....

----------


## Angie

It can be draining just doing that hun to be honest

----------


## Paula

You're doing brilliantly - I couldn't manage sainsburys today so am in awe of what you've achieved

----------


## Pen

Not good tonight. Every little noise is upsetting me, next doors dog is yapping, daughters bf has the tv on in their room. It is all making me so anxious and I am out of medication. I am hiding from people at the moment. One of my friends rang about meeting up tomorrow but I just could face picking the phone up, or replying to their voice message. I have to sit in the coffee shop till next Thursday, talking to people and being nice and as an introvert it is draining me. 
Tomorrow we get our grades. I don't know that I want to know. At the moment I can convince myself that I have done alright, but tomorrow I find out the truth and I think I am going to be disappointed.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:  you're tired, fed up with people around you and worried about tomorrow.  It's ok to feel rough with all that going on.  You're on the last straight ...... Can you not go in for the day on Friday maybe?

----------


## Angie

Can you ring your gp and see if you can get a prescription quickly hun, Hope the result tomorrow go well hun

----------


## Pen

> you're tired, fed up with people around you and worried about tomorrow.  It's ok to feel rough with all that going on.  You're on the last straight ...... Can you not go in for the day on Friday maybe?


Unfortunately someone has to be there every day and very few of my classmates have committed themselves to help. In the area where my work is there is also a video installation and I have to turn it on every day.

----------


## Pen

> Can you ring your gp and see if you can get a prescription quickly hun, Hope the result tomorrow go well hun


I have a prescription request in but I wont be able to get the tablets till Friday, providing they let me have them. I am not supposed to get these on repeat but I have no hope of seeing my doctor and last time they did sign them off without me seeing anyone.

----------


## Pen

Feel like death this morning. Slept from 8 till 9 last night then from 10 till 3 then 3.30 till 6. Ember woke me at 3, I thought she wanted to go out but she just wanted a cuddle. She then decided that she would sleep pressed hard against my back. I love having her so close, I get a lot of comfort from her, however when she pushes so hard I cant move so I woke at 6 in agony with my back in a spasm. I had to get up and try and get it moving but I am still going around like an old woman. 
Mentally I am a mess as well. I just had a look at few of the other threads but I cant add comments as I am so low myself.

----------


## Paula

:(:  hunni

----------


## Puggysusan

Thank you Pen just read your post.i have not posted on here for a while. I finished a years counselling at christmas and have tried hard every day as I have learnt the tools to help me but when things start getting heated like a woman at work who picked on one of our colleagues and we are all wary of her and our son who I want completely out of my life who comes back when he wants something I get very tired and no energy but my anger has soared and I loose it completely how do you cope with the mood swings when you see either of these people who I can't stand ? 
I feel I need to be doing better but the depression when it comes seems worse than the last it fells like you fall deeper than catch yourself before you fall xx

----------


## Pen

Oh Peggysusan, its difficult when you have people like that in your life. Dont beat yourself up when you have bad days, everyone has them. Eventually it does get better.


Got my results today....

Could not believe it....


Still convinced I am really asleep and this is just a long dream...

Got a first..... 1:1

----------


## Angie

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy well done hunni, that is brilliant, I am so pleased for you.

----------


## rose

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are amazing!!!! Well done!!!!!  :):

----------


## Pen

A HUGE THANKS to everyone on here for helping me through I could not have got through without all of my support network over the last few years.

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Paula (18-06-15)

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## rose

I remember reading your intro post (you joined a few weeks before me).
Now look how far you have come, its amazing, and it gives me such hope.
I hope you get a chance to celebrate your results!

----------


## Pen

Well the boys are all out, so my daughter and I are going to have a girls night in. A takeaway, a movie and the giant cream buns she bought to celebrate!

----------

Paula (18-06-15)

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## Paula

Woohooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Knew you would  :(party):  :(party):  :(party):  :(party):  :(party):

----------


## Pen

Oh no. Daughters BF has come home... girls night in is in danger!!

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## Angie

Relegate him to his bedroom or another room for a few hours hun xx

----------


## Pen

He's had a bad day so daughter is spending the evening with him. She did buy me dinner though. I will finish watching the avengers (uk 1960's version) then go off to bed with my book.

----------


## Paula

:(:  can you book to go out at the weekend?

----------


## Pen

No she has to work all weekend. I dont mind, i am not worried about celebrating.

----------


## Pen

My Dad wants to "take us all out for a meal" to celebrate, he has vouchers for an Indian in town (Tried to tell him that it is NOT a Chinese but I don't think I got through to him). I don't want to go. Firstly I really don't feel like celebrating, I don't see the point. Secondly I don't want to sit around in a crowded restaurant. Third I probably wont be able to eat anything off the menu anyway as it will all have chilli in it. Forth although Dad says he will "buy us a meal" he never really has any idea what these things cost so will expect that £40 will cover a meal in a restaurant for 5 of us and I will have to pay the difference, and at the moment I really don't want to squander money that I need to keep to pay the bills on something that I did not want to go to in the first place.

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## rose

I think you should celebrate. But I think you should do it in a way you actually enjoy!

----------


## Angie

I agree with Rose hunni,

----------


## Paula

Yep, Rose is right (as usual  :O: )

----------


## rose

LOL! I will remember you said that Paula  :O:

----------

Angie (19-06-15),Paula (19-06-15)

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## Pen

I just dont feel like celebrating. My best friend came by with a bottle of champaign.i did not have heart to remind her i dont drink!

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## Paula

Why not, lovely? You've worked so hard for this, and have come out with the best result you could! If I were you I'd be dancing down the street.  You're awesome! And you can get your business going knowing you are amazingly qualified to do it

----------


## magie06

Congratulations on your achievement. You must be so proud of yourself. All that hard work and long hours, have come to fruition. You are ready now to take the next step in your life. What are you going to do now?

----------


## Pen

Well I came home and had a cry. Does that count.
Had a bit of leftover Chinese for dinner.
Now off to bed.

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## rose

Can I perhaps suggest that actually you are sad the course is over and a little bit scared about the next step?

----------


## Suzi

Wow! Congratulations on your result!!!

----------


## Pen

I dont know Rose. I think the thing that is really dragging me down at the moment is the person that I guess I really want to care, give me a big hug and say how proud he is of me just is so dismissive of it all. He has not even mentioned it since he came home. Just wanted to talk about the new site they will start next week and show me the pictures of the finished bungalow they have just finished. The only reference he has made to my artwork is to ask if I have finished making the plaque for the new bungalow and why it has taken so long. He got up this morning whilst I was in the shower and by the time I got out he had gone. He has gone to mow the garden of the lady who died a few weeks ago and then trim the wisteria off the roof of another old lady's cottage. 
I am thinking I need to get away, I may just pack a bag when I get back and take off to cornwall for a few days, get some headspace. He probably would not notice I had gone.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

I'd find that really hard too hunni...  :Panda:  I'm so thrilled for you, but it's not the same. Can you talk to him about it?

----------


## Pen

And say what?.... if he is not interested what difference does it make? I dont want him to pretend to be excited when it obviously does not mean anything to him. and I dont want to make him feel guilty that he is not interested. 
No I will just leave him to it and go away.

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni  :Panda:  Maybe he just doesn't know how to show he's thrilled for you?  I know Marc's rubbish at things like that too....

----------


## Angie

I find men can find it hard to show emotion at times hunni, Jay my partner gets told straight if I think he needs to show something whether sympathy, joy or sadness etc

----------


## Pen

Well I have left him with a note and a hungry dog, I need some space away from having to look after everyone and act as their maid. If I dont nag they dont do, and I have had enough. I dont suppose hubby will be home much before dark tonight anyway so he wont miss me.

----------


## rose

Good for you Pen  :(bear):

----------


## Paula

Take care of yourself, hunni  :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Are you going off for a break? Are you OK?

----------


## Pen

Yes I am fine. I went down to Tiverton and had a walk alongside the canal, then had a bit of dinner in MacDonalds and booked into a B & B for the night. It was a lovely place tucked away up a hill, there was no noise at all, apart from the chap who sat outside my window gently strumming his guitar until dark. It also had no internet or phone signal so I had to just relax and do some drawing. Slept really well (from midnight till 7:30) and then I discovered a full cooked breakfast was included in the price so pigged out. 

Then I came home and made my peace with my distraught hubby and we went out to the car boot together and he bought me lunch. 

Still not feeling 100% but the tiny break did help. I will certainly be going back there sometime!

----------


## Paula

That's sounds great, hunni, but please, please, please tell your hubby or daughter if you're going - it's not fair on them to have that fear and worry

----------


## rose

You wrote them a note didn't you Pen? I am glad you had a good time  :):  I think it might have done your hubby some good too  :O:

----------


## Pen

Yes i left them note.

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## rose

You had your little celebration then  :):  Like I said, do something you want to do, and you did!

----------


## Paula

> Yes i left them note.


Sorry hunni, I missed that somehow.

----------


## Suzi

Glad you had a good night hunni!

----------


## Pen

Arggg. Not well again, anxiety has been eating me most of the day, and only managed to get a few hours of work done.

----------


## Angie

Hunni can you do something that relaxes you or go for a walk and get some fresh air

----------


## Pen

Nothing seems to make much difference today. Went for a walk, did some drawing watched some TV listened to the radio.

----------


## Suzi

Hey hunni, do you know what's caused the anxiety? Could it be the "come down" (as my husband calls it) after the huge stress and pressure of your degree and now not really having that structure or deadlines?

----------

Paula (22-06-15)

----------


## Paula

youve been working so very hard for your degree, it's not surprising you're having a little dip at the end of it.  My dad used to act in amateur productions and he always struggled with the come down (as Suzi says) at the end of the run.

----------


## Pen

Yes I think it is trying to adjust to the new life. The routine of being a student for the last five years has helped me a lot and during the holidays I often had problems. Now I have to rebuild my life again.
I tried to do too much last week by being at the college every day, I need a lot of time to myself in my own safe space and the cafe at the college was not a "safe" place mentally for me. Too many people coming and going, needing to be watchful of the exhibits and ready to offer explanations to anyone who wanted them (whilst trying not to be too pushy which I can be ). 
I think I will be ok when it comes to running my classes as I will be in my own studio and setting the agenda. Dealing with the unexpected at college is not good for me.
Yesterday I was not good, I even rang my art therapist for a chat as I was so bad and you know what I am like when it comes for asking for help! However I had a quiet day only did 3 hours of work. I did an hour of admin and I had an anxiety attack so I stuck to drawing after that. Today I am still not 100% but a lot better so the day at home really helped. I do have to go into the college this afternoon but it is to meet some friends for a coffee and to show one of them around the exhibition so hopefully I will be ok.
Tomorrow I will be at home again for the day although I have a government valuation officer coming in the morning to decide a ratable value for the studio so that the local council can decide on my business rates! I hope he gives me a favourable valuation...  :(sweat):

----------


## Suzi

Glad you called for help hunni...  Good luck with the valuation!

----------


## rose

I think it's difficult adjusting to a new routine but what is great is that instead of panicking that you're getting I'll again, you recognise its due to a change in routine.
I hope you have fun with your friends and good luck with the valuation tomorrow.

----------


## magie06

Hopefully the valuation tomorrow goes well for you.

----------


## Pen

Thank you everyone.

Had a meet up with my old college mentor which was good. She is a councillor/therapist and so she went round the exhibition wondering if some of my college friends should make an appointment with her as they obviously have issues they need to discuss!!!!
Then met up with my best friend for an hour.
That was enough. I am back home feeling drained and washed out. I aught to go and do some work but I just cant find the energy. Mind you have just looked at the clock and realised that I have to leave in half an hour and collect my son from the airport. I guess he will want me to cook him dinner tonight but I am not sure I can be asked!
I would have had a peanut butter and jam sandwich last night if it had not been for my daughter and I am not sure I will want more than that tonight. At times like this I PB and Jam sarnies are about all I can manage.

----------


## Paula

It's  been a tough few weeks, try to rest as much as possible  :(bear):

----------


## Angie

Try and relax and rest as Paula says hun

----------


## Pen

Feeling a bit ashamed as I have not even managed an hours work today. ( I have a time tracking app that I use to see how long I spend on work related tasks) So far I have only done 50 minutes of work.
I am trying to decide if I should go out the studio and try and do some or if I should just write the day off and try and do better tomorrow!

My son has agreed that he will goto the chippy and get his dinner tonight. So pb and jam sarnies it is for me after all.

----------


## magie06

If it was me, I'd write today off as a bad day. You will be able to catch up tomorrow.

----------


## Pen

I went and pottered in the garden for a bit. I need to get serious with the weeds soon but not tonight! I have the most annoying hose, it was a cheap one so it kinks really easily. I went to unknot a kink but without realising it I had the nozzle pointing at my leg, so now I am very soggy....

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## Paula

Yuck! Sounds like a day to show your heels to ......

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## Suzi

I'd write it off as a blip day too hunni. You've worked so hard that you deserve a few days off!

----------


## Pen

Yep. Had beans on toast and a cream cake, now going to bed with a book. Now should it be Developing Glazes or Wolf Hall?.... mmmm might have to go for Wolf Hall I think!

----------


## rose

I heard Wolf Hall is a quite hard read. I haven't read it, but I saw the TV version. I've read some of her other books and they are very good.
I got interested in her books after seeing a TV interview with her and finding out she was treated in a psychiatric hospital.

----------


## Pen

I am about 2/3rds of the way through it. Yes it is quite a hard read, especially until you start to understand her style. Cromwell is always referred to as "he" through the book and sometimes she jumps about with timelines so you have to take note of the dates at the start of the chapters (which caught me out a few times). I got the book after seeing the TV show, but the book Wolf Hall does not cover the same timescale as the TV show, I am well into it and Anne is still not queen (although Henry has just married her in secret), however it keeps pulling me back and I am determined to finish it. Not sure if I will read the other book that the TV show used afterwards though.

----------


## rose

Yes the TV show was two books in one, Wolf Hall and Bring Up The Bodies.
If you are interested in the period (Henry VIII fascinates me) then Phillipa Gregory is another good author who has written loads of books.
I like Hilary Mantel's Mother's Day and Vacant Possession and I also have her autobiography which I haven't read yet.

----------


## Pen

Yes I have read one of Phillipa Gregories books and I have another on the shelf that I have not read yet (a charity shop buy) I also enjoyed the "Other Boleyn Girl" film. I have been reading the Mathew Shardlake series by C J Sansom. They are fictional but all based in Henry VIII's reign. I generally like historical who dunits although I do generally find history interesting.

Went to bed but back up again as I cannot sleep.

----------


## Pen

Well the valuation officers have been... Took lots of measurements and photos and left. Now to wait for the verdict!

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## Angie

Hope its favourable for you hunni, remember though that you can claim back on your tax for it

----------


## Paula

Fingers crossed ...

----------


## Pen

Had a letter from hubbys brothers' solicitor this afternoon. They intend to take the matter to court. This is going to get messy....

----------


## Angie

All you can do is see what happens regarding it going to court and your husband see his solicitor

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## Paula

Oh no, none of you need that  :(:

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## Suzi

Oh I hope it isn't messy hunni...

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## Pen

Phoned hubby who was all "well I'm not going to court again, dont want to ever go in a court again" So I said then you will need to put the house on the market and he was "I'm not being pushed I will do things in my own time" So I pointed out that if the house was not put in the next 7 days it will go to court to which he was "well I'm not going to court again, dont want to ever go in a court again" 
I want to help him but he just keeps burying his head in the sand. I asked him if he wanted me to sort out a solicitor for him, when he asked why and I said he would need someone to speak for him in court well the response was just the same again.
In the end I said that the only solution would be if he talked to S and worked out a solution. I left him to talk to M and for them to decide what to do.

----------


## Pen

Wooo.... 
Went to bed at about 11:30 last night after a hot milk mixed with nutmeg and little sugar. Apart from a short loo break I slept until 8:15. That stuff is strong!!!

----------


## Angie

Glad that you slept hunni, you have done all you can its upto your husband now he knows what is what

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## Paula

Glad you got a good nights sleep. As Angie says, it's down to your hubby and M from here  :(bear):

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## Pen

Today I feel like I have got a hangover.... Which as I dont drink is frustrating!! Only managed to make a couple of butterflies and a flower and put the clay I made up yesterday out to dry.

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## rose

If your husband doesn't put the house on the market and doesn't attend court, I think things are going to get VERY messy. If I were you, I would stop helping him. This is his mess, and you don't need the stress.

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## Suzi

I think Rose might be right...

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## Pen

Hubby turned up just after lunch today. He had been to the estate agent. He went with the intention of putting the house on the market but he took the last letter from the solicitor with him. They are going to consult a solicitor for him to see if he has a case that may by winnable.
I suspected that despite his blustering he would actually do something if his back was to the wall, anyway we will wait and see what happens. He is in a bit of a state though, the stress of this has exhausted him. He fell asleep on the sofa before tea which is not like him and spent a lot of the afternoon just sitting on the sofa staring into space again not like him.  Apart from his own emotions he is having to deal with M who is furious at the actions of S. M feels that S wants to destroy their lives so that S can have the life he wants. M is threatening to ask their cousin to come with his digger and demolish the house or burn it to the ground just to thwart S.

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## Paula

Tbh, S just wants his inheritance, which he's entitled to and it doesn't surprise me - I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same.  But I know M has problems and moving would be so stressful for him.  I'm not surprised your hubby is stressed - he's caught between a rock and a hard place.  Two positive things tho, hubby was/is prepared to put the house on the market, and that the estate agents are decent enough to help rather than just take the money.

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## rose

S just wants his inheritance, just like your sibling wanted their's Pen. You didn't threaten to burn the house down, you did what was right.
Given your description of the property, burning it down might make the land more attractive to a buyer!!!
Maybe he should put it on the market to stall for time. S just wanted it on the market, that's not the same as selling it.

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## Suzi

It's a horrible situation for all involved, but yes it just comes down to money....

----------


## Pen

As always. Still hubby has gone out for the day to do some gardening work, hopefully it will keep his mind off it. He has said that if he can get everything done today he will help me with the painting tomorrow.

----------


## Suzi

Did he get everything done?

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## Pen

No. Has to go back to finish cutting up a tree. But we are going to the car boot together.

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## Paula

Have fun  :):

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## Suzi

Hope you have fun! I like a car boot sale - happy bargain hunting!

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## Paula

How's the car boot?

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## Pen

Very, very wet! There were a few hardy souls in the outside bit, and I did get a carved wooden bowl which I can use as a mold. By the time we got inside the water was running off my coat and down my jeans. Anyway we bought a really nice garden bench off a friend of ours for £35 hubby tried to haggle him down on it last week and someone stepped in but we left and they never completed. So when it was still there today we gave him what he had been asking for.

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## Suzi

Hoorah! Hope the rest of your day has been good!

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## Pen

Painted a few beams till my shoulder ached.. Wedged up the clay I have been processing, I have made just short of 12lbs (Just over 5kg) of clay this week. So then I did a bit of sculpting with the new clay. It really is quite flaky so I need to research how I can improve it.

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## Paula

You are incredible, I'd be in the corner whimpering if I tried all you do

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## rose

How do you make clay? I thought you just bought it from... a clay shop? or something?

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## Suzi

WOW!! I didn't realise you "made" it either! I thought it was something that you got out of the ground and it was used then!

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## Pen

Oh you have opened a dangerous can of worms here... Clay is my favourite topic  :(rofl):  Prepared to be bored witless!!!!!
About 90% of the earths crust is clay. Clay was formed by the breakdown of the rock spewed out of volacnos when the earth was created by the highly acidic atosphere of the yound earth.
Some of the clay stayed put where it was formed. This is residual clay and is generally much harder when fired clays such as porcelain are residual clays. Residual clays form deep beds that are mined. If you have ever been to central cornwall you will have seen the porcelain mines.
Most of the clay however was washed down from the volcanos gathering iron from the geology along the way. These are sedimentary clays. Sedimentary clay is almost everywhere although some places are better then others. If you have ever owned a new house and discovered that your garden turns to rock in summer and a bog in winter then you have experienced living with sedimentary clay. Most sedimentary clay is underground (which is why when the builders have finished there is clay) but in some places like rivers and places like here in weston the clay is nearer the surface, if not on the surface. Natural Sedimentary clays almost all have high iron contents which means when they are fired they turn red. Terra cotta is an excellent example of sedimentary clay. The iron content means that the clay cannot be fired as high as residual clay and so the pots are not "vitrified" (basically not waterproof) which is why terracotta pots often shatter in a damp winter when it freezes. 

Yes you can buy it from a pottery supplier. These clays are often blends mixed to give certain results, eg. may throw well on a wheel, or be good for creating big sculptures or fire to a certain colour.

So processing clay... 
Firstly its hard, messy work with unpredicatible results so most potters wont bother but I am keen to get Weston Clay back into production as it was voted in the 19th century as the best clay in the country.

There are a few ways to do it, the way I do it through is:-
Break the clay up into small lumps
Mix with water to make a slurry
Clay dug out the garden or from a river (or off the beach here) will have "extras" that you dont want like worms, stones, bits of wood etc. so you want to get these washed out of the clay. Most heavy items will sink to the bottom or float to the top.
Once I have mixed the clay to a slurry about the consistancy of double cream I pour the soup through a sieve into a bucket. 
I then leave the sieved liquid to stand for at least 12 hours. The clay will settle to the bottom and a layer of clear water will have formed on the top.
I then VERY carefully pour off the clear water. When the clay starts to move up to the lip of the bucket I pour off the rest of the water and the clay that comes with it into a jug and stand it again. I am then left with a very thick liquid.
I then pour the liquid clay onto a plaster slab. The plaster draws the water out of the clay and it sets. The length of time varies depending on how much I have been using the slab (obviously it gets damp after a while) the temperature and the amount of slop I put on. The best set I got this week was about 15 minutes on a dry slab in the sun and the worst was overnight at the end of the week when it got colder (and the slab wetter!).
One the clay is at the right level of dryness (not runny but not dry either) I take it off the plaster and "wedge" it. This is a process of mixing the clay and ensuring that any trapped air is worked out.
Then I wrap it up in a plastic bag and store ready for use.

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## rose

Good grief, its no wonder you are tired. Sounds really hard work!!! And really interesting too, you need to be really skilled to do it. 
Wow Pen, no wonder you got a first in your degree!!!

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## Paula

Stunning! Wow ....

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## Pen

Hubby bought me one of these paint/plaster mixing accessories that goes on a power drill to help with the mixing. Tried it for the first time earlier in the week, but the lumps of clay were a bit hard. Sprayed liquid clay over the patio, the studio glass doors, nearby plants and all over me. Went back to using a paddle and stirring by hand, a bit less messy and better for the figure (and the laundry!!!)

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Paula (28-06-15)

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## Pen

> Good grief, its no wonder you are tired. Sounds really hard work!!! And really interesting too, you need to be really skilled to do it. 
> Wow Pen, no wonder you got a first in your degree!!!


Its not too bad as you do it in stages so there is a lot of activity for about 15 minutes then lots of waiting! Actually none of this knowledge was counted in my degree  :(rofl):  However I was fortunate to have a tutor at college (Sim) who is even more passionate about clay than me and gave us a fantastic lecture about clay formation. Sim's father is also a potter/ceramist so he has been involved in clay since a toddler. What he does not know about clay is not worth knowing and I will really miss being able to pick his brains constantly!!  I have discovered that the more I learn about pottery the more I realise how pathetically little I really know!!

I have started trying to research the history of pottery in weston. There is very little information that I can find which is sad as the Royal Potteries in Weston was a huge manufacturer of fancy garden pots and tubs as well as bricks in the 1800's through to the 1950's. The wares are still around and being sold for hundreds of pounds (which for terracotta says something about the quality of the clay and manufacture!!). I would love to write a piece about it on my website. The only record I can find seems to be in a rare and obscure book written in the 1980's  but I cant find a copy.

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## rose

You may have found your niche. Do you think you could make money from making Weston Clay pots, maybe some of the shops on the seafront could sell it for you?

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## Suzi

That sounds so awesome! Can't wait to see some of your bowls!

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## Pen

Had a go at making a small sculpture with it and that is drying. Hopefully will be ready to fire next week.

I did start a project with weston clay called the Mud Dragons back at the end of last year but college made me drop it. I have plans to start it off again if this clay will fire in a similar manner to clay that I found on the beach.

Bit the bullet today and went back up to Bristol to the art therapy club. I have not been there since February and had started to get nervous about going back (a spot of social anxiety). Trouble is that its quite a long drive up there, and there was lots of delays at roadworks today. Ember came with me though and helped to hold my hand. We stopped about half way in both directions at a lovely park and she had a chance to stretch her legs (and answer calls of nature). When we got back though she got out the car and was promptly sick. She used to be car sick a lot as a puppy but has been a lot better for the last year. I think that although I had the air con on the heat had got to her a bit today.

At the Studio she has her own bed and settles down behind me whilst I work. I no longer need to keep a lead on her there as she knows that she has to stay with me and not wander off. Occasionally though if there is a noise that she does not recognise she will get up to have a look. All the members there know to leave her alone and she ignores them although she did consider giving the art therapist a doggy kiss at one point so she is getting better.

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## Suzi

Aww Ember is adorable!

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## Paula

I remember the mud dragons - they were cool  :):

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## rose

I thought the mud dragons were cool too!
Ember sounds very well behaved  :):

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## Pen

Ember is very good but she does have her triggers that I have to look out for. She is scared of bigger bouncier dogs and if they try to play with her she is likely to give them a warning, maybe even a nip. Not in an outwardly aggressive way just a leave me alone or else way. She is also not good if people try to touch her, but the warning bandana she wears helps with that. She can now go past a football without trying to pinch it, but if she sees a cat she is likely to chase it. She knows that they fight back and if they stop she will stop to, but the action of a cat running just triggers a primeval response that we cant seem to overcome!

Want to have another go at the mud dragons people seem to be quite keen on the idea generally, just my tutors did not feel it was arty enough. You always have the issue with ceramics of if its "art" or "craft" The art people look down on craft....

Having a bit of a down morning this morning. I went up to the Studio yesterday and today I am meeting my old college friends for coffee and then a bring and share lunch. Tomorrow I am taking Dad to Cheltenham to the art gallery and museum. However after yesterday I could just do with a quiet day away from people. I am wondering if I have agreed to do too much this week.

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## Paula

Tell moorcroft it's 'craft' and watch them laugh all the way to the bank  :O:

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## Suzi

Sounds really busy lovely. Can you rest in between?
And yes, more mud dragons!

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## Pen

Back now from the lunch. It was lovely to see them and I ate far too much, but I just could not resist squeezing in that homemade scone with homemade raspberry jam and whipped cream!!

I am hoping that now I can have a few hours of peace, just me and Ember till my son comes home demanding dinner. Thankfully I have some cold meat and pork pies left from the lunch so he can have a salad tonight. He wont be overjoyed, far too much green stuff for his liking but wont complain either. Personally I feel like I could go without eating for a week now. I feel like one of those pythons that eat a whole goat and then go and lie up for a week and digest it...

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## Suzi

So glad you've had a lovely time Pen!

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## Pen

So glad that my studio is in a very private spot, I can get away with sculpting in just a pair of shorts, a bra and an apron!!! (Too hot to do any more painting of the ceiling at the moment!

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## Angie

Glad that you had a good time hun

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## Pen

Taking Dad to Cheltenham on the train tomorrow. Leave at 9:30 get there at 11:10. They say that it is going to be even hotter tomorrow, its going to be struggle with a 89 year old not for us both to end up collapsing with the heat!

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## Paula

Hope you have a good time - lots of fluids  :O:

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## Suzi

Loads and loads of water! Hope you have a brilliant time!

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## Angie

Have a good time hun and I agree plenty of water

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## rose

I hope you have a great time..
 And if it makes you feel more normal, I've been bricklaying in my bra this week haha. It's too hot for clothes!!!

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## Pen

I just remembered to put my top back on about a minute before my son walked in.  :(rofl): 

I have a large bottle of mixed squash in the fridge to take and hopefully both the train and the art gallery will be air conditioned.

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## Suzi

Bricklaying in your bra? I'm sure that's something people would pay money to see! 
Have a wonderful day Pen, enjoy it!

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## rose

> Bricklaying in your bra? I'm sure that's something people would pay money to see!


LOL well I am not working, so maybe this is a money spinner. Leave the webcam on my laptop on while I am bricklaying. LOL

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## rose

> I just remembered to put my top back on about a minute before my son walked in. 
> 
> I have a large bottle of mixed squash in the fridge to take and hopefully both the train and the art gallery will be air conditioned.


HAHA your son would have thought twice about bursting in in future if you'd still had your top off!
Hope you have fun today!

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## Pen

> I hope you have a great time..
>  And if it makes you feel more normal, I've been bricklaying in my bra this week haha. It's too hot for clothes!!!


I must admit when I read this I wondered if you were working alongside a bunch of male brickies and if so did they get any work done!!

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## Pen

Phew. Just back.
Rushed in to approve a pdf of flyers which had to be approved by 6 so just made it (It looks fab and I am delighted!!)

SOOOOO hot.....

Met Dad at station who promptly handed me a shopping bag to carry for him with his coat (yes really.... he took a coat...the hottest day of the year and he brought a coat!!) a newspaper (which he knew he probably would not read), a bottle of water and his glasses. So I had to carry two bags all day.

The first train to Bristol was not air con so sweltering by the time we got to Bristol for our first change. The next train was air con which was nice right up when we got off. The heat hit us like being blasted by a hairdryer. Dad promptly had to sit down for 5 minutes!

Then he thought he would like a coffee before we left the station. Of course the cafe was over the other side of the station. On the way there he saw the bus outside so decided that we would just get on the bus.... missed that bus....
Next bus was only 10 minutes though. But we ended up sitting behind a guy who was bit whiffy.
I asked the bus driver to tell us when we got to the closest stop for the museum, he didn't thankfully though two old ladies behind us had heard me asking him and they were able to tell us when to get off.
Got to the museum and had a coffee. Then started viewing. I was quite disappointed by the paintings there was nothing really special about their collection. Even the older paintings where done by students of the masters rather than by the maters themselves. Once we had looked round their art gallery (12 pictures) Dad said he had had enough and would meet be back in the cafe.
I wanted to see their ceramics gallery but was sadly disappointed. In other displays there were some quite nice pieces and it looked like the ceramics gallery (which was only about 15ft long) was made up of bits that they could not fit in anywhere else. I was also not convinced about the accuracy of the labelling of some of their pieces.
Went back to Dad had lunch then started back home. We had a problem as the bus stop we were dropped off at was on a one way system and we had no way of working out where the bus back went from so I persuaded him to get a taxi (much less smelly). Did not have to wait long for a train out of Cheltenham but had a 25 minute wait at Bristol. We got ice creams and sat on the platform. Dad got talking to a young man about the war. This chap seemed to know a lot about the airforce and was genuinely interested to hear about Dads experiences so he had a good chinwag. 

When I met up with Dad again at lunch he handed me a brochure about Gloucester and said he would like to do a tour of the cathedral and art galleries sometime soon.... I did point out that I thought this MIGHT be a tinsy bit optimistic if he was exhausted after viewing one art room...

However all things considered it was an interesting day out, and it is nice to spend time with him whilst he is still so fit and active as I dont know how much longer I will have him

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Paula (01-07-15)

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## rose

That sounds really nice!! So glad you had a nice day, even though the museum wasn't quite as you hoped.
I was bricklaying on my own Pen, no man to help me!!

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## Pen

Its been quite a week. Really looking forward to two days of just being in the studio, nowhere to go, no-one to see. Just me and Ember, the radio and a lot of white paint.

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rose (01-07-15)

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## Suzi

That sounds like a lovely time Pen! So fab!

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## Paula

That sounds so peaceful  :):

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## Pen

Oh dear. Yesterday really took it out of me. I am trying to paint the ceiling and am making a little progress but to be honest I could just easily go lie down and fall asleep!! Its a good job I have nowhere I have to go today I think it would be just too much for me.

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## rose

Just take it easy, bit of painting, lots of cold drinks, maybe even a little nap  :O: 
You should get a bed in your studio. Or one of those chaise longues!

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## Pen

Its quite cool here today, even been raining a bit this morning (Of course it would when I finally get round to catching up on the washing!!)
I have a squishy sofa upstairs in the studio, I could be so tempted to crash out on it!!!

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## Paula

I tend to sleep a lot, for various reasons.  I've started putting a 10 minute timer on my phone when I get drowsy, so I don't sleep for hours. And I still feel refreshed after that, so it works  :O:

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## Suzi

I've been feeling the same!

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## Pen

A while ago you said you would like to see a picture of my water feature. So here's a short video. (hopefully this will work!!)
http://vid1009.photobucket.com/album...psvg7hvbxl.mp4

Spent about 5 hours painting today. Then spent another 3 hours messing around in the garden, setting up my sculpture and rearranging my pots. Not finished yet but this is how the garden is looking at the moment.
http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...%20July%202015

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## rose

How beautiful! Is that the back of your studio in the second picture?
I thought your water feature was a statue made out of clay for some reason.... but of course, its much more arty than that! And very pretty! Are those lily pads?

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## Pen

Yes the studio is in there. I am trying to avoid photographing it at the moment as it is an absolute tip!!
Its a small lily in the bottom tub, a variety that should not grow too big. There are two flowers coming so I am looking forward to them coming out. Also in the bottom tub are two fish. Cupid who has a little heart on his head and Hayley named after the comet because he is so shy we only see him about as often!

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## Suzi

Wow so beautiful!

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## Pen

Gee thanks  :(blush): 

Now that art has become work the garden has become my hobby. I never was much of a gardener, it was always mum and dad who looked after the garden, but now I finally have my own house this is MY space without any memories of what they planted or did. Considering that there was nothing here at all (not even weeds in the patio, everything was ruthlessly killed with weed killer!) I am quite proud of what I have achieved. Hubby grumbles that I am filling up a nice clean uncluttered space but it MY garden so he can go whistle!!

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## Paula

Your garden is beautiful, and you can see the love you've put into it  :):

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## rose

Its beautiful to have all those pots and flowers, and like you say, its YOUR garden, so your hubby can keep his opinions to himself  :O:

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## Angie

Your garden looks lovely hun, we are holding off doing much with ours until have a section penned off for the dog, she will more than likely dig

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## Suzi

I think it's beautiful. Hubby is wrong!

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## Pen

Sooo stiff... Two days of painting and gardening...

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## Suzi

But are you happy?

----------


## Pen

Still so much painting to do. I seem to spend hours and hours and am only chipping away at the mammoth job! But on the whole yes I am happy. I had hoped to get some help this weekend but the kids are working and one of hubbies old gents desperately wants him there tomorrow to do his garden.

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## Suzi

That's so awesome that you are happy. I'm genuinely thrilled for you.

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## Paula

Moving seems to have transformed your mood  :):

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## Pen

Yes it has made a huge difference. I think that now I no longer have to worry about the old house has really helped. The move has been mental as well as physical. All last year I felt I was just passing time, standing still waiting to move forward. Getting to the new house means I feel that I am going somewhere. The fact that we managed to find a house that was so perfect sort of reassured me that what I am planning was right it felt like fate was on my side. Knowing that the house is all paid for and that whatever happens I will have a roof over my head is also a great comfort.

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Paula (04-07-15)

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## Suzi

It has been amazing to see the change in you!

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## Pen

My daughter is much happier to. I think there was a ghost of my mother in the other house that we never quite got to grips with. This is a fresh start, somewhere where my parents have never lived. It is also smaller and so more manageable.

I have not been in contact with the mental health services or my GP since February.

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Paula (04-07-15),rose (04-07-15)

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## Angie

You sound so much brighter hun and happier which is great

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## Pen

Finally met the lady next door (how many months...!) she seems very nice. She told me that the last of her kids moved out today and took the dog with them.... Its sooooo peaceful now. No more continuous yapping. Maybe now the dog has moved house it will be allowed a bit more freedom. I suspect that the inside of her house is like her garden. Minimal and immaculate. Certainly not going to be messed up by a dog!

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## Suzi

Glad you've met her!

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## Pen

My daughters BF and hubby have helped with the painting for a bit today, so starting to get a bit more confident that we may have the building ready for the opening next week.
I also had an email today with a real business opportunity. A group for the blind and partially sighted are looking for a new pottery place after the pottery that they used to goto for sessions has moved away. It could be my first steady income.

----------

rose (04-07-15)

----------


## Paula

That's brilliant!  :):

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## Suzi

Oh wow! That sounds amazing! You'll be brilliant at working with people with special needs - maybe you could contact special needs schools etc as a regular term time slot?

----------


## Pen

I would like to a lot, so we will see how this pans out. I am not expecting much income from this group, maybe £100 a month but as Tesco says every little helps.

Still painting.... Looking forward to when I can have a normal Sunday afternoon

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Suzi (05-07-15)

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## rose

Are you painting the whole studio white? Its taken you ages you poor thing.

----------


## Pen

Oh yes.... and of course it has not been as simple as just covering everything with white emulsion. I have used white masonry paint on the concrete walls, white new plaster paint on the new plaster partitions, white fence paint on the bare chipboard on the ceiling, white primer and gloss on the doors and stairs AND for a little bit of variety cream fence paint on the beams....
The ceiling has been a sod! Chipboard is a nightmare to paint as its not smooth and the beams.... of course you have three sides to paint and it takes hours!!! I have decided that it is only going to get one coat, unless by some miracle  I have some spare time on my hands.
Both the boys were helping for a while. Daughters BF has fixed up the light in the toilet and hubby has been doing some beams... However they have now disappeared... 

The guy from the blind group is coming on wednesday so by then I have to have it tidy enough that he will be safe!! but hopefully his sight will be poor enough not to see how patchy the ceiling is...  :(think):

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## rose

Painting takes ages, you think 'Oh I'll just do this little bit' and it takes 2 hours... good news is that painting is a great calorie burner!

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## Pen

So WHY ARNT I A SIZE 12!!!! Life's not fair....

Oh I should add another white to the list as I have just opened the white metal paint and painted the shelf supports...

Proud of myself. My daughters bf was going to put up some hooks for me but when to lunch and never came back. So I have mastered the hammer drill, drilled two holes on the right place, fitted rawl plugs and fixed up the hooks.... Was getting into such a swing with the drill I thought I would secure my set of shelves to the brackets, but I could not find any screws of the right size.   :(:

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Paula (05-07-15)

----------


## magie06

Pen, I know its very mean of me, but when you said that the blind man was coming, I thought that you had ordered blinds for the window and were getting them installed on Wednesday.  Lol sorry.

----------


## Pen

Ah the old joke about the blind man....  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

You are amazing!

----------


## Pen

No I am not....

Trying to do my car insurance tonight. I have been with Sheilas Wheels for about 4 years and this year the policy has jumped up again. Last year I just let it go as I was too preoccupied to deal with it but I know I can get a better deal somewhere else. But I just cant seem to commit myself to the job. Feeling a bit pathetic. Certainly not amazing.

----------


## Paula

Amazing, yes, but not superhuman.  Give yourself a break, lovely, you're doing so much and, yes, you're amazing!

----------


## Suzi

I think you're amazing. What about trying a comparison site?

----------


## Pen

Oh I always use a comparison site. Thats only the start of the problem as then I cant decide which is the best deal...

Anyway cant keep my eyes open so it will have to wait for another day.

----------


## Pen

Having a bit of the blues today.

I have been watching my little family of house sparrows this morning. Mr and Mrs Sparrow have a new brood, but the fledged little ones are still hanging around. Every time mum or dad come back to the nest the fledglings sit on the gutter fluttering their wings begging for food but are being ignored. When mum/dad fly off again they fly off as well only to come back a few minutes later. 
One of the female fledgelings is obsessed with her reflection in the mirror by my artwork. She sits there for ages, occasionally trying to fly through the mirror to the other bird. The mirror is now covered in beak and foot marks... The other little ones sit and watch her sometimes but they seem to know that she is being silly. 
Somewhere in the chaos of my studio is some bird seed but I am blowed if I can find it, although in typical fashion I have found the lost starter for the strip light...

----------


## rose

It must be getting to the point in their lives when they are supposed to fly off and find their own food, a bit of tough love from mum and dad.

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## Pen

Oh yes, but they dont seem to be getting the message. Little female is at the mirror again. She is so preoccupied that I walked about 3 ft past her and she did not even notice. If she is not more careful she my find herself as lunch for the local cats!

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## Suzi

Aw it's so lovely that you can watch them!

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## Paula

So cute  :O: .

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## Pen

I feel that I aught to do a Dumbledore on her ""The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. "

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## Paula

:(rofl):

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## rose

> It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.


I think this is a good quote for life in general.

----------


## Pen

Getting a little desperate now. Still so much to do before the weekend. I have paid to put an add in the local free paper that is delivered to every household in Weston. My daughter says I am nuts.... However I am convinced that only 50 - 60 people will turn up even so.

Today I have painted most of one wall and part of another, sanded off some of the rusty metal work and painted with metal gloss,  gloss painted the stairs and the toilet door and primed the door frame.

I still have to:-
Secure the shelves to their brackets (went and bought some wood screws this afternoon) 
Finish painting the walls
Finish painting the ceiling and... as I will run out paint before I have finished.... get some more paint from town
Paint the toilet floor
Tidy everything up up 
paint the table legs and the chairs
Fix up signs for the toilet and no smoking signs
Put up the sign on the gate for the studio
Print out invites for the neighbours
do an email out with invites
Secure the set of Ikea shelves that are currently held together by the shelves either side.
Fix bookcases to the wall (Just in case some little darling tries to climb them!!
Put a chain across the stairs with a No entry sign.

and to top it off daughter and BF want a lift to the industrial estate to pick up some furniture tomorrow.

Son wants dinner tonight and dog wants walk. ARRRRGGGGG

----------


## Suzi

For each thing they want you to do charge them one thing from your list!  :):

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## rose

What day is the opening? Why would your daughter say you are mad to put an ad in the paper? I think you're amazing Pen, you're doing so well.

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## Pen

Saturday... She thinks we will have too many people to deal with...

OK put up the shelves, painted the door frame and tested the floor paint on a bit that will be covered up.

Tomorrow I think I need to concentrate on tidying up as apart from 4 beams I could possibly get away with doing no more painting provided they did not look too hard! Of course this depends on if the stairs are dry enough for me to climb them so I can hide stuff away in the attic, if not I may be a bit stuffed. The paint on the stairs has gone a bit funny, but I cant be bothered to sand it down and do again, after all its an art studio!!

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## rose

Did you prime the wood first? Has it bubbled?

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## Pen

I primed it and painted half of it back in April. Yesterday I washed down the half I not finished and painted it but it has separated in places like there was grease on it. The first half is fine. I am not worried that area is private anyway.

Woke up at 1:15 wide eyed and busy tailed convinced it was about 6 and ready to get up.... Was then lying in bed thinking OMG I have not got the fire extinguisher and first aid kit yet! Off to B and Q this afternoon!

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## rose

It might just be too hot for it to dry properly. You wrote a list earlier in the thread, maybe just keep adding to that and ticking off as you go.

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## Paula

I have every faith you'll get it all done - you're a very motivated person.  I couldn't begin to imagine doing what you're doing, you're amazing!  :):

----------


## Pen

What helps to keep me going is something that my psychologist said some years ago. "It does not matter what you do, just do something. Motivation will come later". I try not to worry too much about what is the most important thing to be done. It all has to be done so I just get stuck into something and then try to keep rolling. I can be my own worst enemy, if I sit on the sofa like I am at the moment I can just let time slip away....

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Paula (07-07-15),Suzi (07-07-15)

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## Suzi

You'll get it all done I'm sure!

----------


## Pen

Im glad you think so, looking at the state the studio is in at the moment I am having my doubts!!

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## Pen

Six and a half hours tidying and its still a health and safety hazard! I think I am in for another late night tonight.

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## Suzi

Just take it bit by bit. You'll get it sorted hunni...

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## Pen

Just finished. The place is much better (actually possibly transformed my be the word!) Still got some stuff to take upstairs and a load of stuff for the tip and the bin men but I feel happier I can bring a visitor in there tomorrow.

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rose (07-07-15)

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## Paula

Wow! Superwoman  :):

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Pen (08-07-15)

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## Suzi

That's brilliant! You are amazing!

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Pen (08-07-15)

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## Pen

Ah but really makes me superwoman is that as well as spending nearly 10hours on the studio that I also gave Ember two good walks,got a load of washing on and cooked dinner!
 :Ninja:

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## Suzi

Seriously awesome!

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## Paula

Could you lend some of that energy to me  :O:

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## rose

Pen, you're amazing! Its pointless telling you to try not to overdo it.... but I hope you get some time off to relax after the opening this weekend.

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## Pen

> Could you lend some of that energy to me


If I find any spare I will ship you some  :Kiss: 

Got the new sign and bell up about 5 minutes before the chap from the blind club came. Said I would help out even though they only pay £5 each, however its only for an hour. Seems like a really nice guy and he has the softest golden lab guide dog, who insisted on getting cuddles from me whilst we talked. My daughter said Ember could see me through the window and was furious. She is now giving me a cold shoulder in disgust!! (the dog that is not my daughter!!)

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Paula (08-07-15)

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## Pen

> Pen, you're amazing! Its pointless telling you to try not to overdo it.... but I hope you get some time off to relax after the opening this weekend.


Oh I am so hoping that I can get a bit of a break after the weekend. I am hoping that I can spend Sunday catching up on all the TV I have missed and recorded. I think I have about 5% disk space left so I have a lot of programmes I need to watch and clear off the box.

It will also be nice to just do some artwork.

----------


## Suzi

That's so brilliant about the blind group! Hooray!

----------


## Pen

Well its only £60 a month (probably in reality about £30 after materials and firing) but its a start and it should be steady income throughout the year and maybe other things will develop from it.

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## Paula

It's a fantastic start given you've not even opened yet  :):

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## Suzi

I think it's fantastic!

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## Pen

Boy I am just so tired... Got my sign up on the gate and made an Open/Closed sign out of some driftwood but having an issue with how to put it up in such a way that it does not turn itself over or blow off. Went out for lunch for an hour with a friend and then went and did a load of shopping. Some of it food, some of it stuff for the studio and Saturday. Then I got stuck into painting the beams again. Nearly there. Hubby said he would try and get over before the weekend to help but I have not heard anything, I have a mountain of stuff to go to the tip.
Tomorrow I will need to get the final stuff from B and Q (still not managed to get over there and of all the shopping I wanted it is the closest shop!!). I need to put the lock on the toilet door, secure the bookshelves to the wall, finish the painting, tidy the workshop area and get invitations for my neighbours printed and pushed through doors.
I got my son to cook tonight, but I have been so busy I have not washed up for a few days, so when I asked him to prepare hunters chicken he looked at the kitchen and said "where????" Still he must have found somewhere as he did rustle up a meal eventually. However after serving up he balenced the baking tray with the chicken fat, moulten cheese and BBQ sauce remains on top of a pan so shortly after I sat down there was an almighty crash and I went in to find grease all over the floor. At these times you really become thankful for a dog!!! Ember cleared it all up rather well  :(rofl):  so I can get away with not washing the floor till after the Saturday event.

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magie06 (09-07-15)

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## Paula

:(giggle): . I'm exhausted just reading that  :O: . You're doing brilliantly - sign out of driftwood? Wouldn't know where to start

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## Pen

I am becoming the power tool queen recently. I have been drilling holes in the concrete walls till my arm aches. The driftwood sign is made from an old plank that had washed up. I oiled it and then cut letters in it with my dremmel tool. I then painted the letters with some white paint. It only took about half an hour.

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## Pen

Had a bad night. Could not get off to sleep to start with. Woke at 3 finished the washing up. Went back to sleep, woke at 6 got up and cleaned my teeth then decided that I was too tired to get up so went back to bed and slept till 8:30

I know I am doing too much but I HAVE to get this finished.

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## rose

Perhaps you feel guilty for sleeping. But then if you don't sleep you find it hard to get up and have the energy to do what you need to do. Classic cycle that's difficult to break. Just three more days and this will all be over and you can rest all you want. Where is your husband and son? Don't feel guilty for asking for help... you have helped them enough over the years.
I would say leave the painting til last if you run out of time and think you can get away with it.

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## Suzi

You are doing too much - but at least you are aware of it and you know that you can calm down a bit after Saturday... You're amazing!

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## Angie

Hun you will get it finished, try not to panic which I know is easier said than done x You have done amazingly well upto now

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## Pen

> Where is your husband and son? Don't feel guilty for asking for help... you have helped them enough over the years.
> I would say leave the painting till last if you run out of time and think you can get away with it.


Just two more beams...

Hubby is in Wales, dont know when he will be back. Son is in work till 6:30 tonight.

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## magie06

Well done for all your hard work. I don't know how you did it all. Best of luck for Saturday and for the future. I hope you get more people  than you can cope with.

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## rose

Sorry, I know hubby is in Wales, but I meant he ought to see what a big deal this is for you and offer to help. He doesn't seem very intuitive so can you try to tell him what you want? Otherwise I worry come Saturday morning he'll be off cutting someone's hedge instead of standing by your side.

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## Pen

I have a job for him for Saturday to take stuff to the tip and put other stuff in the attic. He regards the attic as his domain so if I threaten that I will put some stuff in there he will rush to do it :-) He did say that he would try and get some time off this week to help but so far no sign of him I have a secret hope that he will turn up sometime this evening.

Anyway painting is all done. Just need to :-
Fit the lock on the toilet door
Print out and distribute invitations for the neighbours
Fit the burglar alarm
Fix up the fire extinguisher and first aid kit
Put up the signs for the toilet, no smoking etc
Fix up the chain across the stairs to my private studio 
Secure the bookcases to the wall
Put up a shelf at the back
Tidy up my "workshop" area where everything has been dumped
Put out the cardboard for the recycling
Find the foot off the chair that I accidentally threw away as rubbish
Plan activities for Saturday
prepare the clay
Make tools from lollypop sticks (dont want people on Saturday to use the proper tools as I am sure they will get nicked and they are too expensive to lose!)
Make posters
Fix my Open/Closed sign
Do an email out to my contacts to remind them about Saturday
Buy food and drink
Label 100 paper plates (and buy some more!!)

So not much to do really!!

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## Suzi

I don't think I've ever heard you so excited!!

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## Pen

Not sure that excited is exactly the word... terrified I think!

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## Suzi

But you are brilliant, capable and I know you can do it!

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## Paula

You're going to be amazing tomorrow  :):

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## Angie

I agree with Suzi and Paula hunni x

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## Pen

Well at the moment I am just on the point of curling up in tears. 

Everything is going wrong today.

Tried to fix up the lock in the toilet, had a nightmare trying to get the screws in as the space was so tight and then found I had put it the wrong place and have had to take it down again.

Tried to put up the fire extinguisher. Struggled to get the lower hole drilled only to find I had not put it straight and I will need to do it again.

My daughter has discovered that she put the old address on a parcel she was expecting and now we are trying to contact a neighbour to try and rescue it.

and I am just so tired....

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## Paula

:(bear):

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## magie06

Good luck with everything tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be fine. I'll keep the prayers and candles going for you.

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## Suzi

It WILL be ok. Do what you can do, but do try to enjoy it! This is an exciting adventure!!

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## rose

Putting on locks and drilling is hard work, particularly as you hadn't drilled a hole until sometime earlier this week.
You are basically amazing, concentrate on everything you've achieved because its so so much.

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## Pen

> Putting on locks and drilling is hard work, particularly as you hadn't drilled a hole until sometime earlier this week.
> You are basically amazing, concentrate on everything you've achieved because its so so much.


Oh I know. I am so tired at the moment I can barely stand. Just got back from buying the food for tomorrow. The kettle has boiled but I am too tired to make a cup of tea. 

I feel really let down by Hubby, I could have done with him here. I kept hoping all day that he would turn up but no luck. I did manage to get the fire extinguisher, fire blanket, first aid kit, chain and a shelf up. First time I have every put up a shelf and its level!!! Still struggling with the lock on the toilet. I cant get the screws in for the bit against the wall so I have glued it in place for now and hopefully I can get a man to fix it properly tomorrow.

Still need to finish clearing up everything at the back of the studio. I have also printed out 100 invitations for the neighbours but I am too knackered to post them out!!

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## rose

I feel really disappointed in your husband too. But did you clearly tell him you need help?
And your son, your daughter.....
If the lock is ok with glue, then leave it as is. You are a very resourceful woman. I hope you can have a good dinner (and maybe a glass of wine?) tonight to try and build up some energy for tomorrow. You'll be amazing x

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## magie06

Again I'll say this, good luck for tomorrow's launch. I'm sure you'll be amazing.

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## Paula

Good luck for tomorrow, hunni

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## magie06

You know what they say in the theatre business, - a crap dress rehearsal makes for a brillant first night.

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## Pen

Well the main studio is ready



Upstairs is a tip!!!

Still need to tidy the garden, prepare the food and sort out the clay, but getting there...

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## magie06

Wow the place looks brilliant.  Have a ball tomorrow and try not to worry too much.

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## Paula

That's incredible! Well done you  :):

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## Angie

That looks amazing hun, good luck tomorrow hun x

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## Suzi

That looks amazing! 


Good luck for your opening today!

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## rose

GOOD LUCK PEN!!! I hope it all goes really really well!

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## Pen

Well that has been a bit of a damp squib.
All but one of the people who came were people I knew and I didn't have more than 3 people at a time. By 6:30 people had stopped coming all together.
However the blind group came and have decided to come weekly so twice the income I was expecting.

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## Angie

That sounds as though its been worth it hun then x

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## Paula

Early days, hunni, the word will get out

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## Pen

Its a little disappointing after all the time and money I put into the advertising. However I had a laugh even if I did only have about 12 people all day. One of the people who came brought her two kids and they had a great time and want to come to a clay club when I start it.

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## magie06

Thats great news. You enjoyed your day and  you got some repeat business. A successful day all round!  :(clap):

----------


## Pen

Hubby is in a sulk. I made him do the washing up that has been pilling up for the last few days

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## Suzi

Sounds like you've done really well lovely!

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## Angie

Sounds like a brilliant day
Erm let him sulk lol he can at least help while he is there.

----------


## Pen

He did do a good job of cleaning the kitchen. Went to the car boot together, but when we got back I was just so bone nummingly tired I went for a lie down. He was not happy about that.... He does not like to see me lying down during the day, I should be up and doing things. Whether its because thats the way he likes to go himself or if it is because he worries that something is wrong if I need to stop and rest I dont know, but he would not leave me in peace, deciding that it would be a good time to see if he could lean far enough out of the bedroom window to fix our leaking gutter! In the end I asked him to clear up the boxes that where kicking around in out living room and take them to the tip, but that did not work 5 minutes after going downstairs he was back grumbling that I had left my driving licence in one of the boxes and how careless that was and how I needed to take better care or he could have thrown it in the tip, and that was why he did not clear up stuff round the house. He did go off eventually and he has not come back which I am actually quite pleased about!

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## Suzi

I'm not surprised you needed a lie down with everything you've been doing over the last week or so!

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## magie06

Sometimes its nice when they go off on their own for a little while. Maybe he is watching the tennis.

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## Pen

Well my time tracker has recorded that I have done 59 hours of work this week so I think I deserve a rest!

Scared the dust in the sitting room but there seems little point in washing the floor as in this weather it will be filthy again within minutes.

----------


## Suzi

Absolutely!  :):

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## Paula

> Well my time tracker has recorded that I have done 59 hours of work this week so I think I deserve a rest!
> 
> Scared the dust in the sitting room but there seems little point in washing the floor as in this weather it will be filthy again within minutes.


59? I'm barely awake that many hours!

----------


## rose

59 hours... ouch.

----------


## Angie

Thats a lot of hours hunni, make sure you find some time to rest x

----------


## Pen

Well took it easy this afternoon and just did some drawing and watched TV. One of the traders in the indoor market that runs alongside the car boot we go to has offered to be an outlet for my work when he expands his stall shortly so I will have to roll my sleeves up this week and get stuck into doing some proper work now that the studio is finished.

----------


## Paula

> Well took it easy this afternoon and just did some drawing and watched TV. One of the traders in the indoor market that runs alongside the car boot we go to has offered to be an outlet for my work when he expands his stall shortly so I will have to roll my sleeves up this week and get stuck into doing some proper work now that the studio is finished.


Wow! That's amazing  :):

----------


## Pen

> Wow! That's amazing


Which bit? That I was able to sit still for long enough to watch tv or the I have an outlet?

----------


## Paula

Both probably  :O:

----------


## Pen

:(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

> Well took it easy this afternoon and just did some drawing and watched TV. One of the traders in the indoor market that runs alongside the car boot we go to has offered to be an outlet for my work when he expands his stall shortly so I will have to roll my sleeves up this week and get stuck into doing some proper work now that the studio is finished.


Wow! You sat down? That's fabulous! 
Being offered a chance to sell your work is amazingly awesome!

----------


## Pen

> Being offered a chance to sell your work is amazingly awesome!


Obviously its only one up from a car boot stall but if I can make some knick naks that are appealing and not too expensive it will all add to the income.

----------


## Pen

Just been reduced to tears of joy. My son has been offered a permanent job with the company where he has been apprenticed with. Its a lovely place and he has really enjoyed working there. Not only have they offered him a permanent position but at a starting salary of 20K. I have a feeling that he may look to move out quite soon (which would actually be a financial burden for me  :^):  )

----------


## rose

Yay!!!!  :):

----------


## Suzi

That's brilliant!

----------


## Angie

Thats brilliant news for him hun  :):

----------


## Paula

Fantastic news!

----------


## magie06

Great news Pen.

----------


## Pen

Yes you never stop worrying about them and I have been concerned for a couple of months as to what would happen when his apprenticeship ended.

----------


## Suzi

Has he been talking about moving out?

----------


## Pen

Oh yes. He has plans to rent a flat closer to his work in Bristol in September and then his girlfriend plans to move to the UK from Germany and live with him.

----------


## Suzi

You said that's going to be hard for you financially... You could rent out his room if you wanted?

----------


## Pen

> You said that's going to be hard for you financially... You could rent out his room if you wanted?


 :(rofl):  :(rofl): 

I think I would struggle to rent out a room that is 6ft x 7ft!

I am comforting myself with the thought that I probably spend the £150 a month he gives me at the moment of food for him so I may be better off when he moves.

He has been talking to me tonight about his budget. I think he is a bit disappointed to realise that once he moves most of his money will be sucked up by the flat, council tax, utilities and food. I don't think it has really struck him before how much it costs just to keep a roof over your head!

----------


## Paula

Growing up is a shock - my kids certainly think we have an endless stream of money ....

----------


## Angie

Caitlin certainly think money grows on tree's especially since she has seen coins pressed into tree stumps at the local dam, Ryan is good about realising it doesn't grow on tree's, my eldest learned after having to work while going to Uni and paying travel costs etc from Manchester to Liverpool to get there.

----------


## Pen

He has not had an allowance from me since he was 14 so has had to work to get anything that he wants but I dont think he really understood that most of the money you earn in the real world has to go on just keeping body and soul together and is not spare cash to spend as you wish. He spent a year at university so knows how things work but I think he believed that a 20K salary would give him lots of money compared to the £6K he had to live on at college. He was shocked to realise how much he has to pay in tax and NI something he has not faced before.

Even now I dont think he has realised that I have NO income and so I have a juggling match each month to keep a roof over all our heads. I have to say I had a look last night to see how much of an impact this latest budget will have on me and potentially I will be about £1,400 worst off now which is a blow.

----------


## Suzi

To be fair I think we all had a complete shock at how much things like utility and other bills come to! lol

----------


## Paula

> He has not had an allowance from me since he was 14 so has had to work to get anything that he wants but I dont think he really understood that most of the money you earn in the real world has to go on just keeping body and soul together and is not spare cash to spend as you wish. He spent a year at university so knows how things work but I think he believed that a 20K salary would give him lots of money compared to the £6K he had to live on at college. He was shocked to realise how much he has to pay in tax and NI something he has not faced before.
> 
> Even now I dont think he has realised that I have NO income and so I have a juggling match each month to keep a roof over all our heads. I have to say I had a look last night to see how much of an impact this latest budget will have on me and potentially I will be about £1,400 worst off now which is a blow.


Per month or per annum?

----------


## Pen

Per annum. I think I would be really desperate if it was per month!!

Having a bad day today. Struggling to get to work. I know I need to get out there and make some pots at the very least but so far I am failing miserably. I took my daughter down town to the bank so she could pay me my rent and setup a standing order so I get it each month from here on but that seems to have sapped my energy. So sat on the sofa with the dog.

----------


## rose

You didn't really stop last week getting everything ready for Saturday. So its no wonder you feel tired.

----------


## Paula

I'm with Rose. Taking a day off work is essential

----------


## Pen

Well I had a half day. I finally got into the Studio just before 1. I finished off two bowls I started yesterday with sculpted lavender flowers around the outside that when they are finished my daughter is going to make lavender scented candles in. I also made two plates yesterday. No where near the target I had set myself to get 5 items made everyday but its a start. I am getting faster at making lavender flowers so my production may increase yet!

Took the dog out in the drizzle. It surprised me that she went as usually when its raining she refuses to leave the house. However she is now throughly wet. I just managed to stop her from drying herself on my bed (It was a close thing but thankfully she is obedient enough to stop when told to!) She has tried drying herself on the chair and the sofa but she obviously unhappy about her damp state as she is now stood next to me with her head resting in the sofa, I would try and dry her but she hates that even more than being wet! Of course I also have this lovely wet dog smell to go with her as well.

----------


## Pen

Done 2 and a half hours work in the studio. Now ready for a nap!

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## Suzi

Go you! I've been loving the pics you've been putting up on FB!

----------


## Pen

Was so tired that I did sleep for an hour this afternoon then did another 3 hours sculpting. Made a candle holder for a candle called mystic forest. Its okay but took me far too long as I don't think I will be able to sell it at a profit.

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## rose

I'd love to see the photos of your work, if you have time to do them?

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## Suzi

Pen, you can add a link to your FB page if you like to your signature...

----------


## Pen

Thanks Suzi I would but I have no idea how to!

----------


## Pen

http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...0in%20progress

Here s my work this week... Bear in mind that these have not been fired or glazed yet.

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## magie06

They look beautiful. Well done.

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## Pen

Not well tonight though. Feeling anxious for no reason. Dont know what has started this.

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## Suzi

> Thanks Suzi I would but I have no idea how to!



I can do it for you if you want me to? Your work really is beautiful and it deserves to be shared..

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Paula (15-07-15)

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## Pen

That would be lovely. Thank you.

Going to take a lorazapam and have an early night, maybe that will help with this anxiety.

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## rose

They look great, I really liked the curly edged plate.
If you feel anxious, it could be because you are tired, hot, thirsty. I sometimes find feeling slightly unwell can trigger anxiety.

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## Pen

Yes maybe. certainly the tired and thirsty. A hot milk and a few chapters of my book methinks.

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rose (15-07-15)

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## Paula

Sounds good to me  :(bear):

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## Pen

Didn't work lay awake till midnight, ended up watching Death in Paradise on my phone till the battery ran out, but did then sleep till 7:30. 

Feel I want to die at the moment.

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## Suzi

Pen, can I ask a difficult question? Are you at risk of hurting yourself? Are you safe?

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## Suzi

> That would be lovely. Thank you.


That should be sorted for you now..

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## rose

You sound absolutely knackered Pen. Your day 'off' after the opening was spent at a car boot and being disturbed by your husband. I think you need a proper day off. I know you have a lot to do and feel like you need to be working to get money coming in, and maybe taking a whole day off is difficult, so just take it easy the next few days?

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## Suzi

I completely agree.

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## Pen

> Pen, can I ask a difficult question? Are you at risk of hurting yourself? Are you safe?


I had not replied to this as I don't know the answer. I think the answer probably is yes I am safe, I have enough mechanisms in place to help and at the moment I do feel I can use them to get me through.

Can I bore you all with what I think is troubling me?

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Suzi (16-07-15)

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## magie06

Can you get some time to yourself to have a rest?

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## rose

> Can I bore you all with what I think is troubling me?


Go for it, I won't be bored.

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## Angie

You wont bore us hunni and we may be able to help

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## Paula

You never bore me xx

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## Pen

Oh I think you might.  :(think): 

Its a hodge podge of things all totally irrational and stupid, some of them soooo stupid I may not put them here as they are too embarrassing. They are not in any order...

Tax Credits.... Gov will give me tax credits as I had no income last year.... But in order to satisfy them at the end of the year I have to show that I made an income that is equivalent of a minimum wage. I told them I work 40 hours a week so that means I have to show that I earned (after taking off running costs) £286 a week or they will take the money off me.

Art club. In order to try and get more people across my threshold I am starting an art club... 12 people are interested so far. I can only take 6-8 so I will have to split the group to accommodate them all. They only want to pay £5. As it will be a club I will need to set it on a club basis, ie have a treasurer, secretary and chairman. I hope to be able to take at least £20 a session for me  but what if they think that is too excessive? and I am scared to setup the initial meeting.

Blind group. I am scared about starting this. I dont know what I am going to do with them and how it will go. What if I cock it up?

Dad. Not seen him in days but cant face going out with him at the moment.

Income so far it looks like my income will be £55 a week unless I can sell some stuff, but I am crap, my bowls are wonky and it takes too long to make stuff.

Firing. I have some stuff ready for the kiln and a lot still drying but after my mistake with firing stuff when it was not properly dry before (it exploded!) I am scared to load the kiln.

Getting agoraphobic. I am scared to leave the house and the immediate environs alone. I would like to take Ember down the beach but cant face it.

Losing my benefits. I currently get DLA but the gov are going to reasses all DLA applicants onto PIP I know I wont get enough points to qualify. I can manage my MH providing I do certain things like have a nap or break of work when I feel anxious or down and take someone with me when I am anxious about going to a new place but I know this wont cut it with the DWP.    

I will have to tackle the council tax. Now I am no longer a student I am going to have to find the full amount of tax.

I am missing having a support worker to talk to. I am expecting a call any day now from the CMHS to tell me that I am being discharged and that my financial support for the art therapy group will come to an end.

I should be going up to art therapy but I am getting too scared of the social anxiety to go. I will have to go on another day to what I was going and I am scared about who will be there.

Mucked up my mandala drawing that I have been working on since last September. Don't know what to do, whether to risk making it worst by adding another colour over the top.

Hubby and his house... need I say more. Still need to write back to the solicitor.

Sorting out my "den" which is where everything from the main studio was dumped on Friday but is now such a mess I cant retreat there.

Problem with my Talk Talk service. I should be getting Sky but the box upgraded the software a couple of days ago and now I cant get it. I cant face trying to tackle them about it.

Electricity bill. Not yet had one since we moved in and no idea what I may have to pay.

State of the house. Not done any vacuuming for weeks. Washing up is piled up from the last two days. Washing off the line from yesterday is dumped (not even folded) in a chair. Next lot is on the line. Clean washing from last week is on my bedroom floor as I have not got round to putting it away. Sink and shower in bathroom are disgusting. (I did ask son to clean them but I guess he forgot)

Financial review tomorrow. See bit about agoraphobia!  I have a meeting with an advisor at the bank about how I could better setup my accounts. Wish I had not been talked into it now!

Exhibitions. I have an exhibition coming up in a few weeks and I need to get organising it but I am failing miserably.

There may be part two in a minute but here you go for now.

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## Paula

Im just going to talk about your pottery at the mo.  You're an amazing artist - otherwise you wouldn't have got a first in your degree! You're not crap at it, you've said before that work at the college sometimes cracked when they put it in the kiln so it's obviously something that goes with the job.  I'm sure the next lot that goes in your kiln will be perfect.  The blind group and the club - you spent a lot of your time at college helping and teaching others - this is no different. You can do this, I'm 100% sure. Hunni, have faith in yourself x

(I'll come back to you later - I've got an exam at 5pm so I'm spending this afternoon chilling/freaking out  :O:

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## rose

OK, I am going to make some suggestions I hope you take in the kind spirit in which they are offered.

Do NOT assist your husband with his house anymore. Its up to him to sort this out and I fear that you bearing the brunt is the reason he is putting off selling. Its not fair on you. He doesn't have to deal with the  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: . If he does, he might give in and do the right thing (I believe he should sell, his brother and your kids should get their inheritance)
The house: daughter and son should share responsibility of cleaning. You are not running a hotel. In fact give them a choice; help around the house or pay more rent.

You are a wonderfully kind person and you put yourself last. Your children and your husband are adults and need to take care of themselves and help take care of you.

Re the pots.... ok, can you cheat? Can you get a mould of some sort to make the base shape before adding the pretty bits (I've seen them on facebook, I still like that wiggly edged plate the best). Put a few of your least favourite things in the kiln and fire it up, if they explode its not a disaster (but they won't explode because you know what you're doing).

Does the art club need to be a club? Can't it be a lesson, and charging £10-£15 a week sounds reasonable, particularly if it includes materials and tuition. Do you know how much others charge for art lessons in the area?

I believe your social anxiety is stemming from all the stuff you have going on. You sound absolutely exhuasted. The problem with running your own business is knowing when to take a break. It will take some time to build up business and get into a routine. You are doing a brave thing here.

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## Pen

Oh Rose you make it sound like the kids dont pull their weight. Its not them but me who is not pulling their weight. We have a rota. As there are 4 of us it is split into two main jobs. Job 1 is the bins and recycling Job 2 is the house work. Me and my son (J) are one group my daughter (H) and her BF (A) are the other. This month H and A have the bins and recycling. J and me have the house. J looks after upstairs. He cleans the bathroom, landing and stairs. I do the hall and the kitchen. We all do our own spaces.
H and A look after the cat, do their own shopping, cook their own meals and do their own washing up. J cooks about twice a week and I do the rest of the meals and the shopping. I do the washing up for J and me before I go to bed (usually) and J drys up and puts away in the morning before he goes to work.



Ref the art club. I tried to setup lessons but no one would join. I started off with the fees at £8 but people complained that £8 was too much.... It is very difficult to find out the fees others charge as they don't advertise as they are over subscribed.
We all do our own laundry. H and A get the machine on a Saturday and J gets it on a Sunday I get it when I run out of underwear!

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## rose

It sounds as if you have it all worked out. But I thought you said your son didn't do the bathroom? I suppose you'll have to give him a friendly reminder.

£8 seems like a bargain but remember I am in London so my numbers are skewed.

What do you think about asking your husband to deal with his house issues himself?

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## Pen

With the pots I do use a mould sometimes but even then you are not guaranteed to get an even rim one of the pots in my pictures was made in a mould. No I need to cheat in a different way and not have a straight rim to start with! The plate you like was made in a mould that I wade from a Indian Copper plate I picked up at a car boot sale.

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## Pen

Well he is to a certain degree. I have to write to the solicitor as the trustee on behalf of the kids. Aside from that I have washed my hands of him

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rose (16-07-15)

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## Pen

Yes will need to give J a nudge about it.

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## rose

I don't know why it wouldn't come out right if you use a mould, but then I know nothing about clay (concrete is more my style at the moment).

Can you make the clay into a flat square (to get even thickness), put greaseproof paper into the mould and then drop the clay into the mould, gently push down, slice with a knife across the top and the overlaps, let it dry enough to set into place and then drop it out of the mould? (Hopefully this sentence makes sense)

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## Pen

You dont need grease proof paper....

That is what I do (well sort of you have over simplified the process a little), however the mould I have is too big so I need to trim the sides down. I could make a smaller mould, but I can knock up a slab pot just as fast and making a mould is too time consuming at the moment.

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## rose

> You dont need grease proof paper....
> 
> That is what I do (well sort of you have over simplified the process a little),


Sorry  :(blush):

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## Suzi

I love your work. What's your publicity like? What about sending off mailshots to some of the holiday parks in your area? Maybe get them into touist information places - something like come and see you working, buy your beautiful products and maybe a "have a go" type session?

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## Pen

I have 2000 flyers being shipped out to those tourist info things you get in stations, hotels and supermarkets. They should be out this week although I have not checked with the company that they are out. I may nip into the station when I am out later to have a look.
The flyers are advertising 2 hour sessions for people to come along and create a souvenir, they start on Monday but I don't know if anyone will come.

Just had a huge surprise. Got up to goto the loo. Thought I had better go and do the washing up which I had started earlier but not finished. Went downstairs to find the kitchen spotless. Cleaner than I had seen it in weeks. A then came through and said he had snapped and the state that it was in had finally got to him. I feel terribly guilty that he had got to that stage but maybe it will get him to clean up after himself and H a bit more promptly than he has recently.

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## rose

Don't feel guilty. I think its brilliant that he did it.
 :):

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## Paula

I'm with Rose  :):

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## Suzi

That's great that he did it!

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## Angie

Its great that he did it hun x

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## Pen

I wish he would more regularly though, he's a bit like H, rather than keep on top of it and clean up behind him he waits till it gets really bad then cleans like a demon. Also these youngsters dont see things... The bathroom bin is overflowing and there are about a dozen empty toilet rolls in there but they dont see them, its not that they are not willing to empty them it just does not cross their minds to do so, they seem to sort of go blind to them. I have to nag.

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## Suzi

Lol! I know what you mean!

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## Pen

Been a bit naughty this afternoon. I had an appointment with the bank and afterwards I dropped in on dad his girlfriend was there and so I took them both out to the shops and then went to Costa with them. Only just got home so not done much work today!

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## Suzi

Maybe that's what you needed?!

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## Pen

Getting a bit concerned now. A is on a cleaning fix. He has cleaned the toilet (possibly the rest of the bathroom as well but I have been banned from using the loo for a while so I have not looked) He has cleaned their sitting room. Vacuumed the hall and the kitchen and is now getting prepared to wash the kitchen floor.... I feel so guilty.

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## Pen

> Been a bit naughty this afternoon. I had an appointment with the bank and afterwards I dropped in on dad his girlfriend was there and so I took them both out to the shops and then went to Costa with them. Only just got home so not done much work today!


Yes this morning I could feel myself getting all knotted up whilst I was sculpting so needed to escape for a while.

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## Suzi

Why? It's not like you've been standing around drinking tea and doing nothing for the last while... Enjoy it!

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## Paula

Absolutely agree with Suzi, you've been working your backside off for months, you deserve to have time off and for someone else to clean the house

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## rose

> Absolutely agree with Suzi, you've been working your backside off for months, you deserve to have time off and for someone else to clean the house


Hell yes!!!

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## Pen

Well I was drinking tea whilst he washed the floor  :Tea:   :(rofl): 

This art club is proving to be a nightmare!! I have 17 people who want to come. Some of them think that the beginners should have their own group. Some think that a mixture of beginners and improvers is a better idea. Most of them want to come on a Wednesday evening, some want to come in the day (never can agree a day though). One guy is adamant that he only wants to do watercolour and acrylic painting (I hate him already, not because thats what he wants to do just the way he said it!).
I thought I had cracked it. I lined 6 people up for the beginners on Wednesday evening and 6 improvers for Thursday. Three people had not stated a day or their experience so I have yet to allocate them to a group.... THEN someone emails me and says can I bring my sister on Wednesday???
At 6 we will be comfortable, 8 yes I think I have the room. More than that and I will have to get creative....  

As well as organising this I had an email this evening from a venue I am organising an exhibition at in a few weeks asking for a write up and pictures so I have had to start chasing up the 5 other people who said they would be interested in exhibiting with me. I just pray none of them drop out at this stage or I will be trying to find substitutes. Mind you the ridiculous thing is I don't have anything to exhibit myself at the moment!

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## Paula

I think you may have to say, this class is on that date and this is my maximum numbers. If they can't fit that, go on a waiting list. It's what any other teacher would do

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## Pen

Oh I will but of course at the moment I am not sure how many of those interested will actually nail their colours to the flag and commit.

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## Pen

I think what is really worrying me is that people want to learn to paint and I am a bit rusty on the painting front!! I have emailed a painted friend of mine who said back before we finished the course that she would be willing to help out to see if she can come along. Trouble is that she has been battling breast cancer this year although I think she is ok at the moment and at Easter a girl arrived on her doorstep from Japan with a grandson she knew nothing about and now she is spending as much time as she can getting to know him and the girl.

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## Suzi

Pen you are a fantastic artist. You can do it. Take it step by step hunni..

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## Pen

Now dont know what to do... Just come back from coffee with my well tanned friends who have just returned from a 2 week cruise round the med.... GRRR I hate them.....Not really they have been a bedrock for me when all my other friends have left me.
However cant decide if I should..

1. Brave the heat and weed the front garden as the weeds are now almost as high as the roses.
2. Prepare the chemicals and treat the blanket weed in the water feature (BTW its leaking again!!)
3. Fix the leak in the water feature! (again)
4. Tidy the upstairs of the studio
5. Finish off the pots I started that need working on before they get too dry
6. Start painting the bedroom
7. Put away the mountain of clothes in the sitting room before I get to the stage of wearing the "emergency pants"
8. Wash the kitchen floor again (my daughter spilled energy drink after A washed it and although she wiped it up you stick to the floor every time you walk over the spot)
9. Deadhead my flowers and dig the grass out of the bricks
10. Push all the boxes in the upstairs studio to one side, put on the TV, find a film and work on the large mandala I am doing 
11. Write the article for the artists newsletter about the exhibition in a few weeks
12. Put up paintings in the house and studio
13. Put all my pottery in the sun so I have a chance of it all being dry enough to fire by next week
14. Arrange the rocks and tree stump that hubby brought me for the garden
15. Work on my otter carving
16. Make the wind chime I have intending to do for ages
17. repair the windchime that has got battered so much in the WSM sea wind that the cotton has snapped
18. Process some more clay whilst the weather is good
19. Do my accounts
20. Go back to sleep    :(snooze):   :(snooze):

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## Paula

It's Saturday - do what will make you happy and relaxed  :):

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## rose

5, 11, 13... then 20

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## Pen

> 5, 11, 13... then 20


Found a 21. Which I have done first. Get one of Mum's Looms on ebay so that I can stop falling over them and get Dad some extra cash.

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Paula (18-07-15)

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## Suzi

Do the restful things!

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## Pen

Only managed 5 and 13 but added a number 22 which was to make some slip. An extremely mucky business but I now have about a pint of the stuff that I can use to colour pieces if anyone turns up for my short sessions that start next week

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## Suzi

What's the plan for tomorrow?

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## Pen

Just back from the car boot. Got a full sized studio easel f0r £30. Really pleased as it is an older one, the new ones in this style are not such good wood and have a centre hinge which is a nightmare as they close up whilst you are using them and so you end up having to fixe a plate across the hinge. It has no worm and all the joints work well, no cross threading on the bolts. Also got stuff that I can use as moulds and three more plastic jugs plus a great garden sieve. This one is an old one, it has a double mesh which brings the grade down to quite fine so it will be great for use with straining clay. Also got a big bag of cherries and a bag of potatoes for £2.
Poor hubby kept having to take my purchases back to the car. We are both shattered now. 

I had planned to do the gardening this afternoon but I cant find the energy at the moment!

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## magie06

Plans can change sweetheart. Don't feel guilty for not doing anything for a change. You deserve the rest.

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## Suzi

That sounds like a great day!

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## Pen

Well hubby and I did manage to find a bit of energy to devote to the front garden. There is something therapeutic about ridding a bed of weeds! Hubby cut back the dogwood that I have been gently trying to persuade him to cut since we moved in. The weight of the leaves had dragged one of the branches down across the drive so he finally admitted that it needed done.

He had to go and get some bread as we are so short of food. Tonight I was going to do pork steaks but they are not defrosted. I went though the freezer to find something else and found that there was NOTHING.... So J is having a little ready meal beef stew with some steamed veg. There is nothing left then for me apart from a Birds eye steamed rice thing. I think I may have to do some shopping tomorrow but I really dont want to. If it was not for J I probably would not bother.

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## Suzi

Oh no for not having something in! I hope you manage to forage and find something!

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## Pen

Me and Ember shared the rice thing. There was not much of it but I could not eat it as it was too spicy. Done the shopping online tonight so at least we will have some food by Tuesday.

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## rose

I suppose you don't have a shop near you that's open after 4pm? 
If you have bread, then have toast. That's always my fallback plan.

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## Pen

I do but I could not get the energy to walk to it at that time of night and I could not face going shopping anyway.

Bit down this morning. Getting stressed about work this week. I dont know if I will get anyone for my short sessions that start today and I need to chase up the leaflet company to find out if the flyers have been distributed. I have to work out what I am going to do with the blind group tomorrow and I have a beginners art group starting Wednesday evening. As for the improvers I have no idea if I have anyone coming! I have decided that I will do a group on Thursday afternoons and another one in the evening and see how it goes. However when I asked people to commit to a group they melted away like the snow on an august day...

Ordered another £100 of supplies last night which I will need to make up when they arrive tomorrow just in case I get people on the short courses. So far I have spent a lot of money but have nothing coming in. Thankfully this week will change that a bit.

I have to get stuff fired this week as well. I have been trying to find out a foolproof way of being sure that stuff is dry enough to fire but there does not seem to be one. Just experience. I did learn a new ceramics term though, candling. Apparently if you put your stuff in and run the kiln at a low temperature for a few hours before ramping it up you will be safer from stuff exploding. This low temp run is called candling.... You learn something new everyday as my Dad says.

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## Paula

You're doing great. A new business takes time to build up but you've got a lot of opportunities within weeks of starting up. That's a fantastic achievement and bodes very well for the future  :):

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## Suzi

I think you're doing brilliantly!

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## Pen

> I think you're doing brilliantly!


Not quite so convinced!! Thankfully no one showed up this morning as the nursery at the back had the tree surgeons in to cut the trees back off my studio. The noise was very loud!

Now going to bite the bullet and try and programme my kiln to do a candling run this afternoon. I was shown how to programme it when it was installed but that was April..... He left instructions but not sure what I did with then now. :(sweat): .

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## Angie

You will probably be able to find instructions online hun if you google search instructions on using the kiln model and make you have x

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## Suzi

I'm sure you can do it!

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## Pen

> I'm sure you can do it!


Of course I could.  :Rock:  Managed to set it to candle for 3 hours. Slowly getting warmer for 2 hours then sitting at about 82 degrees for an hour, now just kicked off a main firing so hopefully the candling worked and I wont have any catastrophes. Spent the day mixing up glazes, slips and oxides. I could find the ratios for the slips and glazes but not for the oxides. Its at times like this that I realise the questions I SHOULD have asked at college!! So trial and error and notes in my little brown book for future reference. The day flew by, I was too busy carefully measuring and mixing, cleaning and labelling jars and making test strips to see where the time went and certainly not had time to worry about tomorrow.

----------

Angie (20-07-15),Paula (20-07-15),rose (20-07-15),Suzi (20-07-15)

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## Pen

EEEKKK Just realised probably not a good idea to look at the electric meter when the kiln is firing!!

I now have 5 people confirmed for my beginners art club on Wednesday night, I am hoping that I will get at least one more but 5 is a good number. I have one person who wants to come to my Thursday "improvers" group but unless I can get more people to commit that is not going to happen.

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## Angie

Sounds like a really good day hunni x

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## Suzi

You are AWESOME!!!!

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## Paula

Wow!!

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## Pen

Oh I am so useless in the mornings... Cant get up off my bs and do anything..

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## Suzi

Pen, I don't think you are ever useless!

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## Pen

Once I get going I an fine, its just that initial push...

Had my diabetes check up this morning. Feet good, weight down 2 kg (BMI 29.4 so not obese), waist in the orange zone, bp great, Of course I dont have the blood test results for a week or so but everything is looking good  :(party):  :(party): 

Everything is ready for the blind group, table is laid, clay is cut up, just need to master my butterflies now.  :S:

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## Paula

great news on the diabetes check, and good luck for this afternoon  :):

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Pen (21-07-15)

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## Pen

Phew. Seemed to go OK, there was plenty of chat and laughter and some coil pots got started which they will continue with next week. Now to brush up my painting skills ready for tomorrow!

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## Suzi

Oh that's brilliant news! Am so proud of you!

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Pen (21-07-15)

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## Angie

It sounds as though you have had a really positive day hun x

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Pen (21-07-15)

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## Paula

I know I've said it before but you really are awesome! Well done, lovely  :):

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Pen (21-07-15)

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## Pen

Not so awsome with a paint brush!!! I need to re learn some basic techniques before tomorrow night! I think I may be just able to keep one step ahead of my students!  :(giggle):

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Paula (21-07-15)

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## Suzi

Pfft, my attempts at artwork are pitiful! I know you're going to be amazing.

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## Angie

I can't paint to save my life hun, I can use graphics programmes and am still learning them and probably will always keep learning as there is so much to learn using them, so I commend anyone who can paint x

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## Pen

Well been trying to paint all evening. trying to perfect the wet on wet technique. These are my pitiful attempts!

http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...psxxy47qat.jpg

http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...ps1ynkkup3.jpg

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## Angie

Those are really good, I wish I could paint like that!

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## Pen

Well I think they will be good enough to get me through the first evening. They are really easy to do, fancy popping over to Weston and I will show you how!  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

Hey I'd be there in a minute - but it would take hours and I've got appointments all week!

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## Angie

I would if I could but its to far for me at the moment x

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## Pen

Ah come on... a nice week at the seaside...  :Kiss:

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## Paula

They're beautiful, really dreamy  :):

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## Suzi

Hope it goes well today!

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Pen (22-07-15)

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## Angie

Hope all is going well hunni x

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## Pen

Not stopped all day. Firstly glazing some pieces then shopping for stuff for this evening then preparing the lesson. Just having a bit of a sit down now for an hour. It all starts at 7 tonight.

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## magie06

Best of luck. And don't forget to enjoy yourself.

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## Angie

Good luck hun x

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## Paula

Have fun  :O:

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## Pen

Whoa... What a rollercoaster! Remember why I love teaching so much. We covered a lot of ground, probably too much for a first night I think I sent them away with their heads spinning but they certainly felt they learnt a lot. Hopefully they will practise some of what we have done tonight but I may just have to do the same as we have done tonight next week, only with a bit less help to see how they get on.

Just tried to eat my tea, but my mouth must have got very dry with all the talking and I could only manage two mouthfuls before it got too painful. I have double checked the ingredients and there is no chilli in it but the paprika, which I am normally ok with, is burning my mouth something terrible. Shame as apart from a small piece of quiche and a half sized snickers bar I have not had anything to eat all day.

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## Pen

Oh and quite pleased to see that my watercolour painting of the tree was the best.... So the teacher is still one step ahead of the students!

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## Pen

and streetlife.com has decided that my thread asking people if they wanted an art club was an advert and want me to pay £20 to keep it running. Thankfully I have the details of most of the people who expressed an interest before Streetlife took my thread down. I have appealed pointing out to them that its hardly a money making venture as I will only get £30 a week and I have already spent well over £100 on materials and will need more before I am done and I am waiting on their decision.  I even posted just a short message asking those who had expressed an interest to send me their email addresses but they took that down almost straight away as well.

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## Angie

Sounds like it went really well hun x

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Pen (22-07-15)

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## Suzi

I'm really pleased that it went so well! Well done Pen!

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## Pen

I think so and although its not going to make me rich I have made £55 this week which is a start. Still a long way off paying for all the materials I have bought but better than a kick in the teeth as my Dad would say.

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Paula (29-07-15),Suzi (22-07-15)

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## Angie

Hun I think you have got off to a great start, it can take time to build a business up and your doing really well x

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## Pen

Now if I can sell a few ceramic pieces as well I will be really happy.

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## Pen

Had a really bad night last night, just could not get off to sleep for hours, my mind was so keyed up with ideas! I have a day today when I dont have any classes scheduled. I would like to go up to Art Therapy in Bristol but I have so much that I have to do here with finishing off pieces, creating some new ones, practicing my painting, doing the paperwork, updating my website, changing the bed, vacuuming the bedroom floor (I am sure that carpet should be beige not the shades of grey that it is at the moment!) and finding some time for Dad that I cant go. Although at the moment slobbing about in bed for a bit longer feels like a good idea!

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## Suzi

You can only do what you can do lovely..

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## Pen

Looks like I will be running more classes shortly! Put up a couple of adverts on Facebook. One for my Wednesday kids sessions at £10 a session (thought now we are into the second week of school hols Mums/grandmas will be looking for something to keep them occupied) and an advert for the "proper" ceramics group. I have one person so far on this and need to get a few more and I have had a couple who are keen so may actually get this off the ground. (This is £15 a head so a bit more lucrative!). My facebook account went nuts for about an hour now settled down as people think about it. So I guess I had better go and do some proper work!

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## Angie

Sounds as though your really starting to get somewhere hun x

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## Pen

Well got three children people booked up so far, one for next week and two for the week after. May bite the bullet for an advert on streetlife to get some grans to sign up grandkids :-)

One of the responses has given me a fab lead for the Autumn. She home schools her daughter and has said that there are a lot of home schoolers in the area who would be interested in "outsourcing" for art work. Especially ceramics which is almost impossible to do at home. She has told me where to put my advert.

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## Angie

I home school my daughter, things like ceramics and art are great activities x

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## Pen

Looks like I will have to spend tomorrow making up a load more coloured slip so we can paint little animals and monsters! 
One session is now fully booked, two sessions have 4 on them, one has one (hoping we get more on that!!). Lots of people have expressed an interest but not yet put their names down. Been juggling facebook messages all evening so far, have to be careful that I put the right reply in the right box!!  :(whew): 
Now looks like I will have 3 people for definite on the beginners ceramics so I can finally set a date to run it. One person is just off checking if her friend would like to come as well which will make 4.

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## Angie

It can get confusing replying to lots of messages. But sounds like your off to a really good start hunni x

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## Suzi

Sounds so great hunni! I think you'd be awesome at home ed outsourcing!

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## Pen

Waiting to be accepted onto the facebook site for the home ed group but I think this would be great for the autumn. Also I have a brownie pack interested....

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## Pen

I made a cup of tea at 6:30, still only got half way down the cup... how many times can you microwave tea?

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## Angie

lol hun, I'm self employed and the amount of times my coffee goes cold have lost count of. I won't reheat it though

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## Pen

Thankfully I think people have mainly gone off to bed now! Took 24 bookings on the kids sessions and 3 bookings on the beginners ceramics in one evening (potential income of £490) .... phew. Given up on the tea now going for the hot chocolate in a mo.

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rose (24-07-15),Suzi (24-07-15)

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## Pen

Of course I am going to have to work my little tail off on a Wednesday, I will be teaching from 10 in the morning till 9 at night but I would rather be doing that that worrying that I have no work coming in.

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## Pen

Slept like a log last night apart from my poorly pup waking me when she wanted to climb under the covers with me at some point for some comfort.

Had an unexpected phone call from hubby last night. S's wife has died. This was a shock as we did not realise she was ill. It may now change the picture on hubbys house though. He will go up for the funeral and maybe they will bury the hatchet finally.

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## Pen

Slept like a log last night apart from my poorly pup waking me when she wanted to climb under the covers with me at some point for some comfort.

Had an unexpected phone call from hubby last night. S's wife has died. This was a shock as we did not realise she was ill. It may now change the picture on hubbys house though. He will go up for the funeral and maybe they will bury the hatchet finally.

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## rose

That's awful, perhaps this us the reason he has been pushing so hard about the house recently.

The news about your bookings is amazing. Get as many kids through the door during the holidays as you can. Maybe do a half term offer for return business?

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## Angie

I am sorry about S's wife hun, and do hope that your husband and S do bury the hatchet.
Wow that is brilliant news on all the bookings x

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## Suzi

Wow go you on your business! That's amazing! I'm so thrilled for you! 

Sorry about the loss...

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## Pen

Yes it was a huge shock, none of us down south knew that she was ill, apparently she had cancer but had kept it very much to herself.

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## Suzi

So sad...

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## Pen

Another busy day for bookings now have 61 children coming over the summer and am now turning people away...

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## Suzi

That's fantastic!

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## Pen

It is... but 61 excited children!!!!!!!!!! Thankfully not all at once! 

I am now considering if I should add some more dates as I only have three spaces left and that is next Wednesday afternoon.

Oh I have also got a little commission on the back of this. Next Monday one of the mums is coming with her three little ones and we are going to make a letter rack. We will take outlines from the kids hands and make clay "hands" then colour them and the hands will then be fixed to a base to make dividers for the rack. It will be a anniversary present for their daddy.

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## Angie

Way to go hunni on the bookings
And thats a brilliant idea with the childrens hands

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## Pen

Well the three kids are 2 months, 20 months and 3 years and mum hands will go at the back so they should make a nice stepped rack. We will be able to stamp the names and ages onto the hands and put a little message on as well.

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## Suzi

That's an amazing idea with the hands! How awesome! 
I'm so pleased for you. Bet it's taken ages to sort all the relevant bits of paper - health and safety, dbs etc Your wall must be full of them all in frames with the biggest frame for your degree certificate!  :):

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## Pen

Not got the degree cert yet the college has is graduation very late, its not till the 19th September.

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## Suzi

Oh! I hope you've left a space for it to be proudly hung!

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## Pen

Just got my rateable valuation this morning. It was May when they came to inspect! Valued at about £3500 which is great as it will put me in the lower bracket for business rates. Now to await the dreaded demand from the council  :(sweat):

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## Suzi

Hoorah for lower tax brackets!

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## Pen

Its still going to be around £1800 for the year. I have been trying to work out if I would get a reduction as a new small business and I think that I will need to talk to the council to find out. However with the business I have mapped out already there is a small chance that I may actually make a small profit in my first year of trading. Something that is almost unheard of in start-ups!

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rose (25-07-15)

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## Pen

Just got some stuff out the kiln. Really happy with it.
http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/2015/0...open-the-kiln/

Partly as I mixed some of the glazes and slips myself so was not sure if they would work. Will take a selection of these to the car boot tomorrow to see if our friend will be interested in what I make and have a go at selling them.

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## Suzi

I think they are beautiful!

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## Angie

That is lovely hun x

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## rose

I love that plate even more now  :):

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## Pen

Its taken 6 months but I am finally getting the shocking pink in my bedroom painted over with some help from hubby. Hurrah for a wet sunday  :(party):

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rose (26-07-15)

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## Suzi

Hoorah! What colour did you choose instead?

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## magie06

Pen, do you every relax? You are going to burn out unless you learn how to calm down and rest for a little time.

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## Pen

> Pen, do you every relax? You are going to burn out unless you learn how to calm down and rest for a little time.


I know Magie. We are doing just one wall at a time so currently waiting for it to dry. I went for Spring Sage from Homebase I am praying that two good coats will cover it it did with the tester pot so fingers crossed it will with the real thing. I have now rearranged the room so I can sit in mums old rocking chair in the sun in the window and I hope that I can retreat her sometimes in the afternoons and read. Or just sit with a cup of tea and watch the world go by.

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## magie06

Good for you. I hope the colour is able to hide the pink for you. It sounds so relaxing, and hopefully we will get more sunny days that you can sit and read.

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## Pen

Here are the colours. The pink of beforehand and the green that it will eventually be.
http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...psudwrebi8.jpg

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## Pen

Even with just one coat on one wall the room feels much bigger and lighter.

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## magie06

The green is beautiful. It will be so worth it when it's finished.

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## Pen

Oh no. Just pun a second coat and it obviously was not ready and has blistered. I now have a green wall with pink blisters

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## Suzi

Don't panic...It'll be fine with a coat over it when it's fully dry...

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## Angie

That pink is the same one my daughter had in her bedroom a year or so ago, the green looks lovely x

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## Pen

We found the rest of the tin in the garage when we moved in I think it was called Bubblegum Pink! I am hoping that by the end of the week I will be able to sand it down and give it a final coat.

Busy taking more bookings tonight... trying to make hay whilst the sun shines  :(smirk):  I now have a plate making sessions for an adult with child and mud monster sessions using the local clay I have made. (The last ones are the best as they are all profit!)

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## Suzi

That's awesome! I'm so thrilled for you!

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## Pen

It must sound like I am being very materialistic at the moment, and perhaps I am, but getting lots of bookings over the summer is helping to put me on a safer footing financially and easing the worries I have of being able to stand on my own feet again. I feel that after six years I have managed to rebuild my life into something better and knowing that I can maintain this is a relief.
I am tempted to contact my old tutors in the Autumn and ask if there are any students who would like to do work experience with me (its a requirement in the second year) or if any of the third years would like me to be their mentor. But I am worried that it may be a bit soon.

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## Suzi

It depends - do you think you could do with an extra pair of hands? I think you'd make a great mentor or work experience person as I think that you have so much knowledge to give!

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## Pen

I think I could find something for extra hands to do. For example I have an exhibition coming up and I will want to do more exhibitions over the year, a work experience person could help with the organisation, or if its a ceramics person they can get experience of recycling clay, making slip, making up base pots for me. They would also have to get involved with the day to day stuff like the cleaning but in return they can also help with the money side and start to understand things like insurance and taxes which is good experience for the future.
I would like the company (and help) as well as feeling that I am giving something back to the college.

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## magie06

It sounds brilliant Pen. You have come so far and your business will thrive because you've got the drive to grow it.

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## rose

You don't sound materialistic, you are building a business and that's meant to be about money. I think you're doing great.

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## Pen

I met up with a couple of my friends yesterday and they warned me that I was in danger of tiring myself out again with all this. I did take it easy yesterday afternoon and only have one class today before the big day tomorrow. The day will start with getting my diabetes results at 8:50 and then getting dinner into the slow cooker.

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## Suzi

Hope the test results are good. Your friends are right, but you're also so full of excitement. It'll sort itself soon, once you have regulars etc....

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## Pen

Only had two from the blind group today which was a shame. Got 7 kids in the morning tomorrow and 2 in the afternoon. Then got my art club in the evening. Got my hand letter rack together and I am quite pleased with it, I have high hopes that it will be great when it is fired.

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## Suzi

I loved the hand rack!

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## Pen

Hopefully Daddy will too  :): 

Saw the doc for my diabetes review, sugars are almost normal, everything seems to be functioning in the kidney department. She wa svery pleased but did say that if she was to be picky then I could get my choloestorol down a bit, lose a little more weight, and walk faster when I am out with the dog. She did say though that she was just being picky as she felt that she aught to have something to discuss as really everything was fine. My cholestorol has gone down from last year (it was only in the orange not the red bracket anyway)  so she said if I keep up the new lifestyle, plenty of exercise, fewer lattes and cakes (my second breakfast when I was at college) and a bit more fish in my diet then she would review in 12 months and see how things are going.

Got home, put the slow cooker on (slow cooked lamb, carrots, potatoes and parsnip for tea) so that J will be able to have a meal when he gets in and then started my first kids course. REALLY miscalculated the time!!!! I had expected the kids to spend a good half hour drawing up what they were going to make... took 15 minutes. Then expected them to take about an hour to make their models (took 20 minutes for most of the kids). Then tought the last half hour would be spent painting the models....took about 15 minutes. SO after an hour (including a short break for squash and biscuits) they had finished their models, so we had to make more.... Got through more clay than I expected although the coloured slip in holding out well. I also bought a stacking cake cooling rack from Aldi the other day, good job I did as I would not have had enough space to put the pieces to dry. Even so took up a whole shelf, so I will need to go and get some more or I will not have enough room to dry all the works from this week. 

Just having a cuppa, a bite to eat and a sit down before I start the next class.  :(whew): 

I am getting lots of interest for more from the people who came this morning, a lot of the mums stayed and they are interested in adult classes and the kids are keen to come and do a saturday club. Plus I may have a couple who want to come on the mud monsters on a Thursday through the summer so I may get more income again. I wish my tutors had told me that there was no point in creating flyers just advertise lots of kids clubs on Facebook and you will get the grown ups on the back of them!! One of the mums said that she will talk to the head of the school her girls go to to see if the school would like to book me to do sessions with the kids there.

The kids this morning produced some great creatures (with some help from mums) but my favourite was the "slime" monster a four year old produced all by himself (his Mum had to leave me in his charge as she could not get anyone to look after his baby brother). He planned what he was going to do, made a drawing of it and then did it, I just had to give him a tiny bit of help to get the body started and then he was away, big goggly eyes, arm with fingers and a missile shooting port on its side, all painted in lime green slip  :(rofl): . Once he had made his monster he made a little Iron Man for his dad this time without any help.

I think I will have to consider mixing the clear glaze up by the bucket load though as everyone wanted their pieces to be shiny when finished.

OK. 1 group down. 2 more to go today.

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## Paula

Pen! I'm off line for a few days and you're taking over the ceramics world!!!! It all sounds fab  :):

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## Angie

Your really off to a great start hunni x

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## Pen

Oh and another great session. Two lovely families.... Now to walk the dog, eat, wash the tables and prepare for the art club.

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## Suzi

I've such a massive smile on my face! I'm so thrilled it went well! Sounds like the kids had a brilliant time!

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## Pen

Phew what a day but I am surprisingly still upright! Had a great fun session with the grown ups and drawing and painting this evening. Next week though we are going to do colour theory so I will need to brush up my skills its been a while since I mixed paint. Tonight I was doing a demonstration and was suddenly faced with having to mix a cerise... Thankfully I hit lucky on my first attempt and got a colour that was an excellent match for the flower we were painting. I also nearly lost it in giggles at one point when I went to give one of my students a flower and at some point between the vase and her drawing board it dropped off and I presented her with one small petal. 
Not so much laughing tonight they were concentrating so hard most of the evening you could have heard a pin drop! They can be a bit difficult to keep together though. One of the guys gets easily and quickly bored so whilst the others are concentrating on their detail I have to find him something to challenge him. Tonight we did (un) musical chairs.... I setup a still life. They started drawing it for 3 minutes then swapped seats with the person next to them (everyone moved round one chair) they then did another 3 minutes then moved again and so on till they got back to their original seat... That seemed to keep him (and everyone else) on his toes!!!

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Paula (29-07-15)

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## Pen

Scored 85% on moodscope last night, my highest ever score  :(clap):

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Paula (30-07-15)

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## Paula

Fantastic  :):

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## Pen

I'm absolutely buzzing at the moment.... Just waiting for the crash... So looking forward to being able to pay my first two weeks earnings into the bank. Not mega bucks overall but a great start.

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## Suzi

I'm so thrilled for you! It proves that this is what you should be doing!

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## Pen

Dont feel it went so well this afternoon. I think the kids enjoyed it I know the two grown ups who stayed certainly did, but one of the kids was a little too young and not particularly artistically focussed so was not really interested in making anything except what his year older friend wanted to make and then as soon as he started to try and make it he got fed up. These two actually spent most of the time in the garden finding my resin animals from B&M and rearranging them and then making mud pies whilst Mum sat in the studio making models. The third child (two did not turn up!) was much older and very precocious, he was lovely but quite hard work! Anyway that is it for the week.... No more classes this week so can get on and do some of my own artwork.... if I can just stay awake long enough  :(snooze):

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## Suzi

Sounds like it went ok though? 

Go, get some of your own art stuff out and have some fun! You've worked hard!

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## Angie

Agree with Suzi hunni x

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## Pen

Spent the last couple of hours reviewing colour therory... I have an exhibition booked for a weeks time and I have NO pieces to exhibit.... I think I will have to contact the others and say that they can have my space, but I will still pay my share.

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## Paula

You've been so busy I'm not surprised you've not managed exhibition stuff. But you've been awesome - what an amazing start to the rest of your life  :):

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## Pen

One of the people I am exhibiting with has just messaged me to ask if I have got the advertising materials ready.... eeerrrrr that would be a no then!!

He has said he will help out though tonight.

Now got to figure out how to ship an old heddle loom of my mum's to someone who has bought it on ebay..... Been putting off all week and as they had not paid me I did not feel too guilty but the payment came through this morning so I guess I had better see if I can find a box....

However what I feel like at the moment is having a nap with Ember...... Did do a bit of work this morning and started making a castle vase.

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## Pen

NEVER AGAIN. Next time I sell something collection only I will mean it!!! People seem to think that if they arrange a courier that it solves all the problems! they don't seem to realise that the problem was not the actual posting the item it was the dismantling and custom building something to ship it in. If a courier could just pick it up in a black plastic bag that would have been great but of course they would not do so as the item would get damaged on the way!

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## magie06

So sorry to hear that you had so much trouble with the item you sold on ebay. 
I hope that you get the posters done tonight! Good luck.

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## Suzi

Oh what a bugger!

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## Angie

It can be a pain when that happens hun

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## Pen

Still Dad will get £60 which I think he will find useful at the moment.

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## Suzi

Not too bad  :O:

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## Pen

Car boot this morning was the biggest I have ever seen, I would think there was getting on for 500 stalls there. Lost hubby within 5 minutes when he said he was going to go and see if the "chainsaw man" was there. Did not find him again until it was time to go. Came home with a banana plant, a hardy geranium, a book on drawing, a painting pallet (at 25p I could not pass it up, I may sell it at a profit to one of my students for 50p  :(rofl):  ), a bag of potatoes, a cauliflower, two punnet of cherries and a bag of fudge (yes I know I'm diabetic but its lush, and a little bag does last two weeks!). 

Trouble is I am now cream crackered!!! I want to get another coat of paint on the bedroom wall, but hubby has legged it so I will have to do it on my own and it does seem a big mountain at the moment. I also need to prepare the studio for tomorrows plate making class..... Wonder whats on TV???

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rose (02-08-15)

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## Suzi

Wow! Sounds awesome!

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## Pen

Phew spent the afternoon putting another coat of paint on (which also blistered!) then unpacking hubbies books (given up asking him to do it) and sorting out my room. Finally changed the bed....it was a bit grusome... The white sheet was a cream colour  :S: 

The kids have taken Ember out so at least I dont have to do that this afternoon. Now out to the studio to finish making my pots and prepare for tomorrow.

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## rose

Your paint blistered? Damn! I didn't think it was hot enough to blister.

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## Pen

I think it was a chemical reaction rather than the heat. It is annoying though. The blisters went down but have left pimples behind. Still hopefully when I have the shelves up and pictures it won't show.

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## Suzi

I have decided that anywhere that the decorating isn't perfect is where we are obviously meant to hang a picture!  :):

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## Pen

Oh I agree. Made hubby put the shelves up so finally after 6 months I can stop falling over them or have to move them every time I want to open the wardrobe!

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Suzi (02-08-15)

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## Suzi

ROFL, I've spent my day trying to unpack and sort stuff....

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## Pen

It seems never ending!! I just think I have finally unpacked the last box when I find another one and we have been here 6 months now!

First of my plate making workshops today. 3 sets of kids and parents who are going to make a special plate. From my previous experiences of how quickly people finish I am going to make them experiment with different techniques for an hour before we start to make the proper plate...

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## Angie

We still have unpacked boxes in our loft 5 years on lol, that sounds like a good idea getting them to experiment first hun x

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## Suzi

Sounds like a really good idea! Also brilliant for learning from past lessons! You are brilliant!

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## Pen

It went well, it was two kids who came last week and so much fun that they wanted to do more.  Worked better with them trying things out first when they came to make the item they knew exactly what they could do and I think I will not have so many problems with these pieces as they dry.

Trying scare tactics now to get people signed up... Only 144 days till christmas....

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## Angie

Glad that it went so well hunni x

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## Suzi

The pics are fab! Glad it went well!

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## magie06

I'm so glad that everything went well. Congratulations.

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## Pen

Shuffling bookings tonight... Got more people coming. I am really dropping the ball on the exhibition this Friday though. I was going to do some colouring of my latest mandala and try and get it framed before Friday but it is becoming increasingly unlikely at the moment. I may just have to enter my old drawings.

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## Suzi

Can you get your mandala coloured inbetween bookings? Is that a possibility?

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## Pen

I dont believe this!!! I have just looked at my bank statement and discovered that my council tax has jumped up from £30 a month to £130 a month. On investigating I have found that my benefit claim has vanished.... No record that I ever had one. I have had no letters or emails saying that they were cancelling the benefit, it has just disappeared...

I am gutted.

It took months and piles of documents to get it in the first place and now I am back to square one again. This council has got to be the worst for dealing with administration in the country I recon.

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## Suzi

OK there isn't anything you can do about it now, but make sure you call them calmly tomorrow and ask them what has happened...

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## Pen

I dont think there is much I can do about the council at the moment but pay them. They will want all our payslips again and I cant give them anything related to me and of course now J has a proper reasonably paid job they will decide that we can pay the bill so I think I am wasting my breath complaining just at the moment. J plans to move out in a month so there is no point in making an application now as i will just have to make it again in a months time.

As for the mandala I will try and get it finished but I don't think I will be able to get a custom frame made in time, I have a framing friend but unless I could get it to him tomorrow I don't think he could do it in time and even then he may struggle as he works full time. I had wanted it in a square frame which of course if difficult to get ready made from The Range. 

Picked up a few more bookings last night which is good it will help to cover the shortfall of people who book and then don't turn up and of course will help to pay the council tax and business rates.

I chased up the company who are supposed to be distributing my 2000 flyers yesterday. I have checked the station and supermarkets and I can find no trace of them but they say they have gone out. They are going to send me details of where and when as I don't believe them! I have not had a single enquiry from the flyers.

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## Suzi

Can you call the council and find out what's going on? 
Hope you can sort the frame and the flyers!

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## rose

What a pain about the council tax! I hope you get it sorted as I remember you having trouble before with it.

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## Pen

Well I will wait till next month to tackle the council, I just dont have the energy at the moment! I had a call from the therapist at the art therapy group in Bristol this morning as I have not been since June. I have told them that I will end my sessions there with one last visit to bring cake and collect my folder in September. It will be the end of an era as I have been going there since 2010 and I will miss it but at the same time I think I have moved on and now I am working a lot I can't justify taking a whole day travelling up to Bristol.

Just had my blind group. They are a laugh and really nice. Last week only two came (one got lost, one had the grandkids, one was on holiday) and their organiser took me to one side and apologised and said that in future they will pay me even if they dont make a session which was nice and not something I was expecting. Most of the group have a little sight which is helpful. One is totally blind but keen and all have a great sense of humour. I am having to learn a new set of techniques of how to explain to people what to do and how to find ways to do it, not only me but of course them, so I will say use your fingertip to find where the join is weak rather than look for the split and they are having to learn to recognise what they are seeking.

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## Suzi

That's so awesome! I used to teach some kids who were visually impaired and it is a completely different way to look at things. 
I think you're right about the art therapy - I think you are doing so amazingly. You are building up a business based on something that you love. Your passion must show through!

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## Pen

Just got my first booking to do a kids party this evening (15 kids!!!!) and now have filled my "proper" ceramics course that starts next Tuesday so although I am not making much with these kids workshops it is acting as marketing for other leads. (Marketing that is paying me at the same time... My tutors did not introduce us to this concept in my course!!).
Did my first biscuit firing of the kids work and was terrified to open the kiln this evening but eventually braced myself after praying to every deity that I could think of and a few that probably don't exist (Is there a god of pottery teachers??) and opened it. Everything on the top shelf is fine. Dont know about the bottom as I did not want to unload tonight as I will be struggling for space for pieces by tomorrow evening, however the pieces I was most worried about were on the top, including the commission piece so I can sleep tonight!

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## Suzi

That's all so positive! You really are doing it!

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## Pen

I know, I keep thinking I will wake up soon! Had eight kids this morning... (now got a headache) Think they had a fab time though. Six more this afternoon then the art class with colour mixing. Quite looking forward to a quiet evening with the grown ups but the kids are great fun!

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## Suzi

I'm SO thrilled for you Pen! You've been through hell and back and now you get the good stuff!

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## Pen

I know. I am loving this, even the really quiet ones who dont know what they want to do (or even quite why they are there), once they get stuck in, start to have a good time.

Studio is a mess at the moment though. Think I might need a fire hose to get it looking straight for the art group at 7! Will need to rearrange my shelves so I can get everything to dry. (bit worried about the giraffe with a 12 inch neck...)

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## Suzi

Giraffe with 12 inch neck? Wow!

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## Pen

Tomorrow morning I have to do a mass clear glazing of everything that is in the kiln at the moment, visit the place we are doing the exhibition and get ready for another kids workshop. When the workshop is finished I will need to finish off the glazing and get the kiln on again ASAP so that it is not too hot when the Friday adult group comes....
However right now I am cream crackered....

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## Angie

You have been a busy bee, but it sounds as though your enjoying it aswell which is great hun x

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## Suzi

I hope you're resting!

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## Pen

Yes about to goto bed with a hot chocolate and my book I think. I did think this morning that I would try and get some of the glazing done tonight but I am too tired and would mess it up. 
I am finding by the time I get to the end on a Wednesday that my mouth is really sore. I have to make sure I eat in the break before the art club as I cannot eat anything later, but even so I only managed a tiny bit of chicken and a few chips, Ember finished it up for me when I came in just now.

Just done the accounts and I am about 500 in the red but that includes all the setup costs of the last few weeks, aprons, brushes, pallets etc so I am quite pleased. If I just go by the consumables I have bought things are ticking over nicely. Got a couple more possible leads today, one person who knows someone who goes to a club for the disabled that may be interested and another person who is going to advertise me on a facebook page that advertises activities for kids in the next town.

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## Pen

Eeeeee can I just go to back to bed and bury my head under the pillow and sleep till Christmas???

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## Suzi

It all seems to be going so well! Are you drinking enough?

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## Pen

What of? vodka, gin, snappes, rum?  If so, no not nearly enough!!  :(rofl): 

I try to get a drink whenever I can. I have a cup  of tea in hand at the moment. I also have a drinking jar with a straw and a lid that I keep in the studio with squash in it so I can grab a mouthful as much as possible but when you are running around after 8 kids sometimes I probably dont get enough.

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## Pen

My mouth is so sore today. The roof feels raw and my tongue has white sores down the sides.

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## Suzi

Do you think you should see your Dr?

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## Pen

No. When had my diabetic review last week I talked to the doc about it as I wondered if it was connected to that. She was just baffled. She has prescribed some gel that I can try to see if it makes it easier but I have not got round to getting it made up. She has no idea what could be the cause.

I am seriously bone numbingly tired tonight. Still got one bowl to glaze and get into the kiln then I can turn it on and walk away from the studio for the night and then take the dog out.

I did manage to persuade J to cook dinner ("Look I have been working all day as well so either you cook dinner or you walk the dog" He hates walking the dog even more than cooking!!) He did a great job but Ember still got half of it to finish up, eating anything that takes more than a few minutes to eat just gets tiresome. All I have had all day is one wheatabix, one chicken slice and half a plate of stir fry (Oh and two sneaky biscuits from the kids session). I am starting to think I may have to get some smaller jeans as even on the smallest hole of my belt they only just stay up! (dont worry there is plenty of me to waste away, my current leans are size 20)

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## Suzi

Pen you are going to have to find a way to eat and to drink more. If you don't then you're only going to make yourself poorly..

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## Pen

I know but I dont want to put myself in the hands of doctors again, I dont trust them.

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## Suzi

Maybe you might have to try?

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## Pen

OK, now I think I might have a cry....

Six of us are exhibiting. We have to hang the paintings tomorrow night. Three people have now said they cannot come and setup and are dropping off their pictures to be put up for them. The other two (who are twins) who will be coming to help hang both are partially disabled. They have trouble walking (although they can walk it is quite slow and crablike) and cannot stand for long. Whilst both will be keen to help I know that the bulk of moving stuff around and hanging will be down to me. Some of the paintings are very large. One of the artists dropped of a picture this morning that is 8ft x 6ft...

I am just so tired. I have another group this afternoon and a picture to finish off and frame myself.

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## rose

So say no, they have to come and put their pictures up, its just not on. Or pull out and see how they cope. 

To be honest your daily intake didn't sound so bad to me, perhaps a few more vegetables if you're not that hungry.

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## Suzi

I'm with Rose - I think I'd say no, that they have to come and hang their own artwork. We all know that they will all want it hung in a particular way, so it's best they do it themselves!

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## Pen

They all have valid reasons why they cant. One is away and her daughter was going to do it for her but now shes working. One has to go up to Manchester to her sick mother, the other has just found out she has to collect another piece of work from a place about 2 hours away and wont be able to get back on time. They are not the sort of people who would willingly leave me holding the baby but there is no way round. The only other alternative is leave the walls bare over the weekend and hang Tuesday evening.

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## Pen

OK told them we will put off setting up till Tuesday when hopefully they can all come. It will mean that we will be paying for space that is empty for two days but that will have to be the case.

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## Suzi

That seems a shame! But I think it's the best decision...

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## Angie

Seems a sensible decision to me hun x

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## Pen

AAAAhhhh a weekend without courses!!!

Only just got up, dressed and fed. 
SO a nice quiet weekend. Just going to:-
Walk the dog
Wash up the three days of stuff in the kitchen
Get a beef stew in the slow cooker
Clear up yesterdays class
Empty the kiln and contact everyone about collecting their stuff
Make up a new slip to see if I can correct the way that the red has burnt out at high temperatures
Finish my picture and frame it
Call the place I am exhibiting and tell them we wont be coming till Tuesday.
Check over all the pieces that are drying to make sure they can go in the kiln for Monday afternoon firing.
Finish the two bowls I have started
Dead head and weed the garden.
Move the potted plants that have finished flowered and replace with the pots I have in reserve with flowers in 
Water the garden
Plant up the two plants that need to go in the front garden
Pot up the two shrubs that are waiting to go into pots (Oh and drill the holes in said pots)
Vacuum the sitting room
Wash out the mould from the manky recycling box
Pull up the grass in the patio
Spray the weeds
Paint a bit of the studio floor
Paint the bedroom wall
wash the studio floor
Tidy up the office.

Ah its so nice to have time off to relax..  :(rofl):

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## Paula

Hunni, you're so busy right now, for great reasons, that maybe a few of those jobs for today can be postponed/delegated?

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## Suzi

Wow! Please don't exhaust yourself by doing it all!

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## rose

I just want to say a massive well done for postponing hanging the pictures until everyone could help out. I know you love to help people but in this case it was too much to expect you to do all that and I am really proud you stood up for yourself.
Your weekend sounds busy... but if you enjoy what you're doing then why not.

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## Pen

Disaster struck this morning! Picked up the commission piece to take out of the kiln and a whole section fell off and smashed on the floor...

The customer collected it anyway but I gave her a discount off it. I am gutted.

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## Suzi

Oh no! Was it fixable? Could you remake it for her again?

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## Angie

Oh hun

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## Pen

Not enough time. Anniversary is on 12th. However she took it without the missing bits and I gave her a discount.

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## Paula

Oh no! Was she ok about it?

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## Pen

She was more okay about it than I was! When that section hit the floor I was just numb I could not believe it. I think I could have pretty well glued it back together but she arrived before I had time.

Overall today has been a bit of a disaster. The red we used on the kids work has burnt out at that temperature and become brown. I hope the kids won't be too disappointed.

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## Suzi

It's a bit trial and error atm.. I'm sure that it will be fine hunni..

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## Pen

J has found himself a flat so he will be moving out in a few weeks...

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## Paula

Mixed emotions?  :Panda:

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## Suzi

:Panda:  Oh hunni.. are you Ok?

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## Pen

I think I am ok about it. He did leave home before to go to uni for a year so its not like this is the first time I have been without him. I will miss having him to help with my share of the chores such as the recycling and I think I will probably be less inclined to cook when it is just me.
However H has decided to quit her job so she will be around more and hopefully will be able to help more until she finds something else.

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## Suzi

Sounds like they are taking it in turns to be with you lol

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## Pen

H is now so much happier that she has quit. It is like a weight has been lifted off her. I hope she manages to find something else soon, however in the meantime she is looking forward to helping me in the studio. She does not want to help with the classes but if she is able to help with the cleaning up, washing the floor, glazing pots and mixing up slips and glazes it will give me a bit of breathing room.

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Paula (09-08-15)

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## Angie

That does sound like a good idea while she is looking for another job hun x

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## Suzi

That sounds like a great idea!

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## Pen

Only trouble is I have offered someone else the job first! Someone I know from college who also suffers from depression and BPD has come a few times to my sessions both with her little boy and by herself. I know she is struggling with the course and considering dropping out so I said that if she did she could come and work for me for no pay and in return I would teach her what I know for free. She is considering if she wants to do this.

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## Suzi

Oh! But how long has she had to think about it?

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## Paula

H does the clearing up etc and your friend at college does the ceramics stuff maybe?

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## Pen

> Oh! But how long has she had to think about it?


Only since Friday.

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## Pen

> H does the clearing up etc and your friend at college does the ceramics stuff maybe?


Yes I maybe able to find enough for them both to do, especially if H gets on with her candle making.

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## Pen

Been an odd day. I had two people separately booked onto the session this morning. Both failed to turn up... (or contact me to say they were not coming).

Then this afternoon two more people cancel off the beginners ceramics class that starts tomorrow so I am down to just two people which sucks.

Then two more people cancelled the kids afternoon session on Wednesday leaving me with just one person on that!

But I have managed to round up some more for Wednesday and now have 4 (2 of which have been before and wanted another go). 

I spent the day making little animals to help the kids when making theirs so now have little dogs, cats, rabbits, penguins, turtles, frogs, ducks and my favourite is a ladybird.

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## Suzi

Sorry some cancelled, but it sounds as if you are all sorted!

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## Paula

That's a shame, though you're getting repeat business which is positive. Starting a new business is tough, but you're doing brilliantly already

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## Pen

Managed to get a third for tonight so a bit happier. 

Ember is unwell though. She woke me in the night, so I went to the loo and then went to let her out. Unfortunatly I did not realise how urgent the matter was and there was a pool at the top of the stairs and a pile of diarrhoea in the bedroom doorway. She was outside for about an hour then she woke me again at 5.30. She dashed into the bathroom and had diarrhoea on the bath mat (bless her she at least did it on something I could take outside and that would go through the washing machine!) She was outside again for ages. This morning H said there was another "pile" of it on the kitchen floor and she cant stop shivering and shaking and has just dashed out again. Her nose is cold though so she is not running a fever so hopefully this will pass soon.

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## Suzi

Aw poor Ember! And Poor you for having to clean it up!

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## Paula

Oh no poor love  :(:

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## Angie

Oh bless her, I would make sure she has plenty of water available hun and see how she goes

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## Paula

Must be something in the air, my Polo has been ick all afternoon  :(:

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## Suzi

How is she? How are you?

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## Pen

She seems fine now. Just eaten her dinner, hopefully it will go through her normally! I have really had to neglect her today, As I was so late up I did not manage to get her out before Dad turned up when he had gone I had to get everything sorted for the exhibition later and then get the place ready for the blind group. As soon as they had finished I jumped in the car and raced across town to the exhibition venue where I was setting up till 6:15. I then dashed home and cleared up the blind group ready for the start of the 6 week beginners course at 7. Managed to grab a peanut butter and jam sandwich before that started but only just finished clearing up. I have a kids class at 10 tomorrow....

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## Paula

I'm a fine one to talk as my dinner is still in the oven, but you really need to eat properly hunni. Can your daughter put cooking dinner on her job description for a while?

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## Pen

My mouth is too sore to eat dinner anyway tonight. I rounded the day off with a muller rice. Will have a hot chocolate with my pills in a min.
Maybe when H finishes and can do some of the clearing up and preparing I may be able to get a bit more time to look after myself. I have booked an appointment with a doc for Friday but will have to cancel. I still have not got that prescription made up and tried it to see if that helps and I can hardly go back until I done that.

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## Suzi

Oh lovely! You do need to try to find time to look after yourself too love! 
How is the exhibition looking? When does it open?

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## Pen

The exhibition is all up and looking good. I could not have got it up without the other girls help but with their help we were up in under 2 hours which we were told was something of an achievement. The show will open tomorrow. I rushed off a piece about us and when I read it later realised that I had made a mistake on it so I will have to rewrite it and sneak it in before any one notices!

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## Angie

Sounds like your all set to go hun, hope that the exhibition goes well for you, am sure you will sort out what you wrote x

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## Pen

J is moving on 29th August and just found that Dr T is leaving the practice at the same time. It will be all change. It will mean I no longer have a doc that I can rely on. Dr T was especially good with MH patients. He had suffered from depression himself as well as having to deal with the suicides of a close friend and his MIL so he knew how difficult it could be. When I had a bad spell last October and took an overdose I went to him and he dropped everything at the surgery and personally took me to A&E and stayed with me until he could be sure that they realised that I would abscond and try and finish the job if I was not closely supervised. I don't think many other docs would go that far.

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## Paula

He sounds wonderful, Hun. Can you ask him to recommend one of the other Drs in the practice, and ask him to go over what you need with that GP?

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## Suzi

Definitely ask him to recommend someone else. He does sound brilliant.

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## Pen

No I wont be able to see him again. Last time my GP left I started seeing Dr W on the advice of the surgery she was OK but I did not feel I gelled with her in the same way. Anyway its not really a big thing I have not been to see a doc about my MH since Feb so I think I am doing OK.

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## Suzi

OK? I think you're doing amazingly. If ever you doubt how far you have come, read back some of you earliest posts...

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Paula (12-08-15)

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## Pen

Phew another busy day. Slept till 8:30 so a late start. Emptied the kiln, glazed the contents and set it running again. Then raced up to a private school that was closing down and selling everything off. Got 5 sets of shelves, a white board, a load of paper and a drawer full of cookie cutters. It was sad though to see the school being broken up like that and the teachers having to supervise the sale knowing that they no longer have a job. The art teacher may end up doing some pottery with me though...  :(rofl):  Some of them we quite mature and you wonder if they will be able to find another post.
Rushed home and ran a kids group. All four kids had been before so they knew the drill. The mums all helped clear up as well at the end which was fab! 
Now to get the shelves etc into the studio. Not sure where they will go, I may regret this! (But at £13 for five sets of shelves how could I say no!!).

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## Angie

Sounds like a really good day hun x

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## Paula

You have repeat customers just a few weeks after starting up - that is truly incredible!

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## magie06

Well done. Another busy day, that you came through with flying colours. There's hope for us all!

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## Pen

Whilst trying to unload the shelves from the car Ember got in and refused to come out. It was "Right take me with you..." So I took her to the really big park on the hill and she had a good run. As it is on the side of a hill I also worked up a sweat climbing back to the top!! 

The shelves fit into the studio like they were made for it so they have a good home.

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## Paula

Lol, Luna, who's 10, has started refusing walks. Who says dogs can communicate  :O:

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## magie06

Well done you. I don't know how you have the time to do all you do. (Although, I suspect you don't spend as much time on here as I do.)

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## Suzi

Wow! Another positive and productive day!

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## Pen

Maggie I do try and be strict with myself about the amount of time I spend on here or I could easily lose hours!

Looks like next week is going to be really productive with the kids stuff. I have a special group of 7 coming Monday, 7 on Wed morn and 6 wed afternoon, 5 coming Thursday and a birthday party for 16 kids on Saturday...

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## Suzi

16????? Are you mad??? Actually I have no doubt that not only will you take it in your stride, but that you;ll be magnificent!

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## Pen

yyyeeesss I am hoping that there are lots of parents around to help! I am collecting yogurt pots to put the paint in so I can just throw them away at the end and not have to wash up! The party will be in someones garden it is a pottery and picnic party. I am thinking I may have to buy a sack truck before then to carry everything in and out!

With all the expected income next week I am hoping to break even and get to a point where I have covered all my capital purchases (excluding the building work, that will take a LOT longer to pay off!) and start to make a profit.  :(party): 

I am really surprised that I can start to turn a business profit in 5 weeks of trading!

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## Pen

I have calculated that I will be paying myself £4 an hour.... is this legal? Should I take myself to court for not paying the minimum wage??

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## Pen

Had a brown envelope from the council this morning and opened it with some trepidation. It was my business rates. I was relieved and surprised to find that they have given me a 100% discount! So I don't have to pay anything at all. I was hoping that I might get maybe 50 or 70 but never dreamed I get 100!

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## magie06

Wow! What lovely news to brighten up a Friday. I really think that you are brilliant and obviously an ace at business. Well done and best wishes for that party next week! You're going to need it!

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## Angie

Thats brilliant news hunni x

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## Paula

That's fantastic!

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## Pen

Thanks everyone. 

Hubby managed to get round with one and a bit coats of paint on the other walls yesterday. He has stopped grumbling about the colour I chose and is now getting to like it a bit! Unfortunately he ran out paint. I don't know if he is going to get more whilst he is out today or if he is expecting me to. I don't want to get another tin and find him coming home with one too as one more tin will finish it.

Feeling a bit low this morning. Although I had a complete nights sleep last night for a change I feel really tired and depressed. I have 4 things I need to prepare for the upcoming classes this week then may try and settle down to doing some of my own art work. Dad has asked that I make a sculpture for him to give to his GF for christmas. He said I could do anything I liked then went on to say that maybe a swan would be nice.... This would be a challenge as I would not want to make something that you could just buy from a gift shop but something a bit different.... She may end up with a rock pool as I want to experiment more with melting glass into pools like my last sculpture.
http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/blog/

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## Paula

At a lovely idea  :): . Take it a bit easier today, hunni, you've been non stop for a while

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## Pen

Still not got to my artwork! Spent most of the day doing preparation work for next week (mixing glazes and slip) and then spending nearly £200 on supplies (Don't think I will manage to break even this week!).

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## magie06

Can you settle down this evening with a glass of wine and a dvd? Maybe even take a bath? Relax. Take it easy.

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## Angie

Try and rest tonight now hunni x

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## Pen

"rest" mmm I will have to look that up in the dictionary I am not sure I know what that means  :(wasntme):

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## Pen

Right now out with the dog stopping to get something for dinner on the way. By the way Maggie I hate wine so that won't help.

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## Angie

Hunni try and find some you time when you can this evening, I know being self employed myself it can be hard, as I am open 24 hours though not watching my Etsy or Fb pages 24 hours, but am there until late every night.

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## Pen

Car booted this morning. Tried to be restrained but did buy a couple of little bits for the garden. (£2.20) Spent the most on the mornings cakes! Two iced belgium buns for me and hubby and some bread pudding for the kids. H and A were out till 3 am celebrating a year together so I thought they might need something to soak up the remaining alcohol and help overcome the hangover. (Am I good to them or what?) :(angel): 

Walked the dog and seen the size of the weeds in the front garden so now to do some weeding (and sparying, I have a MASSIVE dandylion in the middle of the tarmac on the drive!)
I also need to unload the kiln and glaze the contents then reload and kick off again, think about what I will feed J later this afternoon and try and get round to some of my own art work.

I did get a little break last evening, I sat and read my book for a while then had a lie down and listened to Steptoe and Son on the radio. Trouble is as soon as hubby walks in and find me lying there he assumes that there is something wrong and he wants me to get up and do something.

Felt a bit like boxing his ears this morning.... Had another letter from the solicitors about getting the house on the market, or else. I have suggested a possible solution may be to ask S if he would let things be for a while if hubby and M paid a monthly amount to him, sort of paying rent on the use of S's share of the house. Or S could consider it as the boys paying his rent so he can live rent free as they have been doing, or a sort of extra pension. 
Hubby sort of likes the idea but at the same time he still cant understand why he should have to pay rent to S in order to live in his house. As far as he is concerned he has done all the work on the house so why should he have to pay S to live there. His view is that S could have stayed in the house same as he and M it was S's decision to leave so why should they be penalised. AAARRRGGGG This man should have been born in the dark ages, he is so in the wrong era!!

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## Paula

You're a nice mum. I just tell eldest to make sure she clears up after her  :O:

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## Pen

Failed today.... Stuff is still in the kiln and I am just too tired to do anything about it. J wants a cottage pie for tea. He has peeled the potatoes and made me a coffee so now trying to find some energy.

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## Paula

That's not a fail, hunni. You can't keep working 6/7 days a week. It's Sunday so I'm glad you rested

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## rose

My OH encourages me to have a little nap so I don't get overtired; mainly because when I am out of bed I don't stop doing stuff. Maybe explain to hubby that you need the rest during the day sometimes?
Your hubby's actions over the house frustrate me too. But I thought you weren't going to help him with it anymore? Your hubby should remember his brother is recently widowed, that must be awful, he might need the money.

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## Pen

Oh I didn't rest... Been working on some of my own artwork. Finished off my butterfly pot and then completed the sculpting on a pot that has been sitting the mold for the last two weeks. Then I walked the dog.

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## rose

They say if you find a job you love, you never work a day again in your life. Does it feel like that with your artwork?

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Paula (16-08-15)

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## Pen

Yes I love my job :-) My head is full of ideas of things to make. I want to have a go at making a rock pool, complete with sea urchins, starfish and seaweed and fill it with glass to melt in the kiln, but I need to finish off other projects first. I started making a bowl with swimming and diving otters round the rim but I am a long way off finishing it and it has got a bit dry so I will need to wrap it up in wet towels for a while. However with all the paying work I am getting I dont have much time to do my own work.

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rose (16-08-15)

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## Suzi

Sounds like that things are going really well!

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## Pen

Will be the busiest week so far I think. Had 7 utter nutters yesterday (4 adults and 3 children) and had a good laugh! Four blind this afternoon and have 3 beginners on ceramics tonight. Have 7 booked for the morning and 6 for the afternoon tomorrow, topped off with the art club. Another 7 on Thursday afternoon and then 2 on Friday afternoon, THEN the big party!

Thankfully I have H helping me now and she has cleared everything up from the afternoon and I am pretty well set for the class tonight. The great thing about this class is that they expect to get stuck in and help themselves so whilst they are paying more I actually have less work :-)

H will be a huge help tomorrow which is the killer day. Between the morning and afternoon sessions there is a pile of clearing up and washing up to do and she will do it for me now so I can concentrate on taking it a bit easier between sessions. Then of course there is the big clear up before the art club and now I will be able to leave her to clear up whilst I eat and walk the dog, I may even find time to do the washing up  :):

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Paula (18-08-15)

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## Paula

That's amazing  :):

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## Angie

It is amazing

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## rose

This is brilliant, you've got a proper little business going, in just a few weeks. Look at you, businesswoman again!!  :O:

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## Pen

Frustrating number of "no shows" yesterday. Instead of getting the £145 I was expecting I made £60. Did get some apologies and one person who had booked the whole session and failed to turn up has offered to pay although we are trying to reschedule for Monday.

Next Holidays I will insist on a deposit.

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## Paula

A deposit is a good move, I think.  Other artists inSist on that, you're a business now not a charity

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## Pen

Well we have certainly hit the headlines today! After being told for the last month that the old derelict outdoor pool was being used as film set it seems Banksy and a number of famous artists have turned it into a giant art exhibition. For the next 5 weeks it be chaos here as we are expecting thousands of people to descend from across the world to see it!
Locals get first view at the weekend but I am not even going to try and get in, I am sure there will be lots of pictures around and I am not going to stand in the queues for hours.

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## Paula

Wow! Any way you could advertise there?

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## Pen

:(rofl): 

I dont think so... Even if I could I dont think I would want to
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-33999495

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## Paula

Very weird!

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## magie06

Wow, what a strange exhibition.

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## S deleted

I saw earlier the tropicana was being used for a Banksy display, although not sure many towns would like to be associated with Dismaland, lol

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## Pen

I think it suits Weston right down to the ground...  :(rofl): .

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## rose

I think it looks really interesting, I'd be interested to see it.

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## Angie

It does look interesting.
Alot the the buildings in Manchester have graffiti on them but these are massive pieces of artwork such as bird like parrots etc, and look amazing, they brighten up the place no end.

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## Pen

Yes Bristol did the same. Banksy has really opened up councils eyes to the better side of graffiti.

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Angie (20-08-15)

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## Suzi

That is bizarre! 

I loved your idea of make your own colouring book classes!

----------


## Pen

Not got any takers though, even though its free!!

Totally drained today which is worrying as I have the party this afternoon! Hubby upset me a bit, when I told him that I bought a new pair of jeans and they were a size smaller and fit just fine he said "you will regret it, you'll be back in the bigger size in no time" He is so useless at saying the right things... He is the sort of guy that if you asked does my bum look big in this he would say yes.
However traffic willing he is going to take my gear to the party and collect me later so I dont have the problem of parking and loading to worry about.

----------


## Suzi

I'm surprised by that! I thought you'd be swamped with people wanting to take it up! Maybe it would sell as a class where you provide all materials for that one session as I can see people being put off by having to buy all the materials "in case" they like it and want to continue.. Does that make sense? Although then you would have to charge, it might be a different way of looking at it? 
Congrats on the size smaller!  :):  It's always lovely when that happens!

----------


## Pen

Tried that. No takers then either.

Covered my new jeans in slip and clay at the party so they already need washing. 15 kids this afternoon, but they had a fab time and I had problems when it was time to go as they did not want me to pack up!

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## Angie

Sounds brilliant hunni xx

----------


## Paula

I think it's wonderful that you're making a business out of something you love so much  :):

----------


## Pen

The problem is that there is so much I want to do but dont have time. Last night I was sat on the sofa making a plasticine zoo as prototypes of the new animals I want to make to encourage the kids. I also want to make some more bowls and vases, finish the "otter" bowl, make some rock pools, finish my fairy cottage, paint the bowl I made last week, work on the big mandala and make a nativity set....

and thats all without the "work" related stuff:- I have to call all the parents and try and get them to collect all the work, pack up a load of their work that cannot be collected till they get back from holiday, unpack and put to dry all the creations from yesterday. Make a list of the kids names and allotted numbers from yesterday, wash up the pots, cutters and brushes from yesterday. Wash the cloths and aprons, Make up another few litres of slip and mix up some more blue slip, Mix up 7 litres of glaze, contact the chippy to see if they have any more pickle jars I can have for the glaze, Put hazard labels on lots of stuff, Empty the kiln and see if the work from last week is ready to be candled, do the accounts, bank the money, make test tiles for the new glazes, sort out what courses I will try and run from September and start advertisng them, chase up the leaflet company about why they did not send out any of my leaflets and try and get some money back.

Dont get me wrong I am LOVING it, I just wish there were more days in the week and more hours in the day.

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## Suzi

OMG you are snowed under, but you sound about the happiest for the longest time since you joined here and I got to meet you. This is hugely important.

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Angie (23-08-15)

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## Pen

Oh I so am! My anxiety has (mostly) gone, I can quite happily go somewhere like a kids party without a second thought ( although it did help that hubby came to help carry stuff) I have stopped worrying about the future and blaming myself for being useless. I feel I have finaly kicked this thing and I am back to normal. (I suppose I aught to stop using this site  :(wasntme):  )

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## Angie

No you don't have to stop using this site, we have seen you come a massively long way on your journey to getting well, and you have done so well, we also love seeing your posts and how your getting on and how your business is getting on and how happy you are x

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## Paula

Don't go, please - it's so encouraging seeing the progress you've made  :):

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## rose

Its massively encouraging. I believe the first post I read here was one of yours Pen, and I identified with it so much. Knowing you can get well is so inspiring for me.

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## Pen

I dont want to go, I feel I have some wonderful friends here that I can talk and would miss the company if I had to leave.

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## Paula

You don't have to leave at all  :):

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## Angie

You dont have to leave hun x

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## Pen

No bookings for tomorrow. While I need the income it will be quite nice to have a day to catch up on stuff and do some artwork.

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## Suzi

Sounds like you could do with a day off!

----------


## Pen

Planning to have a week off the second week of September. I have not made enough money to go away (and hubby would not take the time off work anyway) so H and I are going to do a staycation in WSM and visit lots of places I have not yet been to (after all I have only lived here 16 years!). I have not been on the pier since they rebuilt it in 2010 so that is top of the list, I also want to goto Cheddar Caves, visit Wokey Hole to look at the new caves they have opened up this year, Goto Noah's Art Zoo, have a day in Bristol visiting some of the museums and galleries I have not yet been to and visit Tyntsfied House. If I get bored we may go over to Cardiff to the Art Gallery there  :O: 
I also want to blitz the house and finally get the paintings put up around the place, I still dont feel like I have really finished moving in yet and so I want to get things straight.

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Paula (24-08-15)

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## Angie

It sounds as though you have a good time planned hun x

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## Suzi

Good for you!

----------


## Pen

Funny day today. Not managed to get any artwork done as doing adminy type things. Went down to my friendly chippy in town who saves pickle jars for me to see if they had any more for me and they gave me two huge boxes full!! (about 16 large jars!) I think I have enough jars to start my own pickle factory!! (they are great for storing glazes and slips in once you get the vinegary smell out!)

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## Angie

Still sounds like a productive day hun x

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## Suzi

That's fabulous! It's always good to deal with local businesses!

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## Paula

Sounds great. But, Pen, love, are you scheduling in days off? You need to have work days and 'weekend' days

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## Pen

> Sounds great. But, Pen, love, are you scheduling in days off? You need to have work days and 'weekend' days


No not really, there is always so much to do. I did try and stay away from doing too much "work" yesterday but in order to keep to the kiln schedule and get stuff fired in time I had to load it and candle it yesterday so it could be fired up properly this morning. Next week when the kids go back to school things will get quieter (at least for a little while!).

The chippy is great, the jars are useless to them but the owner does not like to see them just thrown away and is happy to give them to me for free, its a real find.

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## Suzi

Just don't burn out lovely...

----------


## Pen

> Just don't burn out lovely...


I'll try not to.

Made another investment for the company tonight. Since we moved in I have been using some old tables and desks we brought with us to be the work table but they are not ideal. They dont make the best use of the space and are not all the same size and so dont fit together well, so tonight I ordered 6 tables from ikea. They are only £14.80 each and will allow me to have bigger classes (something I did not think I would be in a position to do this soon!) so should repay for themselves quite soon. 
I also treated myself to two rugs for my bedroom so that when Hubby finishes the painting I can use them to cover the stains on the carpet (which despite shampooing I have not managed to get out) and I can finish making my little nest up there!

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## Paula

Sounds perfect  :):

----------


## Pen

I have my CMHT reviewing officer coming to see me this morning. I suspect that this will be the last time I am involved with them. I expect to be discharged.

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## S deleted

And you're happy to be discharged?

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## Pen

Yes I think so.

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## Suzi

All sounds so fabulous! You really are doing brilliantly well lovely!

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## rose

You're like a different person Pen (in a very very good way).

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## Paula

The others have said it, so I'm repeating. The change in you has been amazing, and I'm over the moon  :):

----------


## Pen

She cancelled... She got stuck in Bristol. So another day.

Yes I do feel I am back to my old self. Actually thinking about dealing with CMHT is making me more anxious so I will be glad to walk away from it now.

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Paula (25-08-15)

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## Angie

Pen its been an amazing journey you have been on, and to have seen it and see where you are now is just as amazing and wonderful x

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## Pen

Just managed to get my dinner! I was running a bit late with cooking earlier and thought I had 10 minutes to eat, when the door bell rang and one of my students was standing there having had to come early in order to get a lift... so into the oven it went!

I have 7 kids in the morning. Someone has booked out the whole afternoon but I dont know if they are coming and I cant get hold of them. Tomorrow night I am doing a session of art out in the "field" at a local church which should be a laugh.

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## Suzi

Wow you really are doing so well and sound so happy!

----------


## Pen

Phew what a day. Six kids at 10 this morning and no parents to help. Made extra tricky by one little girl not willing to anything herself and so I was running around trying to help everyone and as fast I went to someone she was "I cant do it" even before she tried. I must admit my bottomless patience was tried quite a bit!
The group in the afternoon failed to show. I suspected that this would happen when I could not get hold of her last week, trouble was I could not risk taking another set of bookings in case she turned up. Still, started to make stuff to sell at Christmas Markets later this year.
This evening took the Art Club over to my old village to the Church to do some drawing. I think everyone had a good time. Trouble started when we finished, my good friend and warden of the church was not well so had asked me if I could lock up when we were done. I managed to lock the main door which has to be done inside the church but could not unlock the other door to get out, so I was trapped inside trying every key on the set. Eventually I unlocked the main door again. I could not lock up and had to return the keys and leave the church unlocked...

Dad is feeling neglected at the moment, I have not seen him for 10 days and he always seems to try and ring me just when I have a group of people arriving! Anyway I will go down to see him in the morning as he wants me to book him train tickets somewhere..

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## Suzi

Oh no! Have you told them about the Church? 
I've loved your animals you've posted on FB!

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## Pen

Yes I told her the church was unlocked and she was fine. The church is unlocked all day on a Wednesday anyway and the valuables locked away.

Had a shock this morning. I got a booking through my website for a course I had forgotten about! It starts next Wednesday so I will need to use all my guile to try and recruit a few more people.

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## Suzi

I think it's fabulous how well things are going for you with you business!

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## Angie

You are doing so well hun

----------


## Pen

Not a good day today. Have felt drained all day. So glad it was the last kids club today, I need a break and some peace to recharge for a bit. Dropped a kids fired piece. Its now in 8 pieces I am devastated, it was the first kids work I have dropped and I am so annoyed with myself. During the kids class I also managed to knock over a glass that smashed and sliced open my finger. Thankfully there were other parents there who were able to find me a plaster and clear up the glass. Of course all the boys wanted to see if my finger was still attached or if they could see it hanging off... 
I showed the group Larry the Lion and now we have three lions as they all wanted to make one :-)

I am trying to decide at the moment if I should:-
A: Watch some catch up TV, eat chocolate and drink my Crabbies Raspberry and ginger.
B: Go and lie down for a while and listen to some catch up radio (and eat chocolate and drink)
c: Take the dog out
D: Go back out to the studio and carry on with the art work I started this morning and finish painting the hedgehogs.
E: Retreat to the upstairs studio and work on my drawing and watch whatever is on TV.
F: Put something on for dinner.

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## rose

I'd say take the dog out for 20 mins then put on am easy dinner and have a break with the tv under a blanket.

----------


## Suzi

Yup I second Rose's suggestion!

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## Pen

I had already poured the drink so I went for B  :(think):  I have someone coming to collect stuff at 6 so I will walk the dog afterwards. I am feeling that either J can cook me dinner for a change or a takeaway may be in order. I am just absolutely shattered.

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## rose

B was a good choice Pen. You sound almost apologetic that you're tired, I'm not surprised you're tired! You're doing remarkably well!

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## Pen

Well I do feel I should be stronger. Had a bad experience whilst out with the dog and came home sobbing. Locked myself in the studio for a good cry. Thought I would be safe from the kids but they discovered that the spare keys do work when the key is in the lock on the other side!

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## rose

What happened?

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## Pen

Oh it was just something really silly. Ember gets frightened of bigger rougher dogs so if they get a bit bosterous she tells them off, sometimes this involves a bit of teeth flashing and yelping. She never attacks the dogs just tells them in doggy terms that they have crossed the line and she is not happy. We met a family, mum dad and kiddy and a dog which I think was possibly a boxer cross and was quite young who wanted to play chase with Ember, she was frightened and told the other dog off. I apologised to the guy saying she gets scared of boisterous dogs and puts them in their place and he was very unpleasant about it and said that if she was that bad she aught to be on a lead. He was quite drunk, he had a can of larger in his hand and was slurring slightly. She has reacted like this before with other dogs and every owner has been fine, in fact some have been quite pleased that she has stood up to their young dog and put it in its place so it can learn a lesson about interacting with other dogs.

It really upset me though. Ember was not at fault it was his dog that was antagonising Ember, and in fact if she had been on a lead she still would have reacted in the same way maybe even more so if she thought she was protecting me . Ember did not go to his dog, his dog came to us, Ember was very much under control and would have just passed them by if his dog had not tried to chase her. 

Trouble was I was tired and very easy to upset, when I came home all sorts of other thoughts had come up as well and I was missing my Mum (It would have been her birthday next week, plus the church we went to last night was where she is buried and I tended her gravestone whilst I was there). Also I was starting to worry about how hopeless I am really, how I hate people generally and why my son did not love me enough to sort out dinner without being asked. (all totally stupid, my son is a man, it would not cross his mind that he needed to do dinner without being asked!!)

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## Suzi

Not stupid at all! I'd have been really upset too! Well done Ember for standing up for herself! I'm not surprised at all that you were thinking about your Mum if you have that many reminders and triggers about her.  :(bear):

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## Pen

Having a bit of a rest day today after yesterday. Got up at 10.30, had a leisurely shower and gave myself a pedicure, took the dog out, had brunch then got into the studio at 12:15. Sorted out all the stuff for firing and feel that I have a better handle on where I am with it all. Finished off my first nativity set and it is almost ready to fire after I stood it in the sun for an hour.

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## Angie

Sounds like a more relaxed but still productive day hunni x

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## Suzi

I can't wait to see your nativity set!

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## Pen

Its nothing special Suzi so dont hold your breath  :(rofl):  Have loads of ideas for making christmas decorations as well. I am booked to do a Christmas market at the end of November and so want lots of stuff to sell, both christmassy things as well as potential gifts. Larry the lion and the hedgehog families will probably go there as well. (I showed larry to the kids this week and suddenly we had a rash of lions being made. Still better than the elephants I will have nightmares for the next few weeks about kids elephants!!!)

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## Pen

The big day today. J moves out... Just been to pick up the van. His Dad says "right where's all the stuff" to which J replies "I've not packed it yet..." I mean he has only had three weeks to pack, obviously not long enough!!

H has expressed a concern that when J has gone that I wont bother with cooking meals so she has offered to cook for me 5 days a week (and I contribute a bit towards the food bill), this is fine but I will miss having meat... Also I have agreed on the proviso that she uses less ready made sauces.  She is 4 inches short than me and weighs a stone heavier. We both fit the same size jeans but on me they are baggy and on her they are stretched tight! I don't want to end up the same way plus I want her to lose some weight as well.

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## Suzi

Hope that the move out goes OK. 
I think it's brilliant that H is going to look after you!

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## Angie

Sounds typical all the last minute hun, but it will of got sorted, am glad that H is willing to help out x

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## Pen

:S:  Could someone come over and shoot me please....

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## Angie

Whats up hun?

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## Suzi

What's happened?

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## Pen

I think someone crept in last night, drilled a hole in my head and sucked out my brain and my energy....

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## Angie

Awww hunni, you have been doing so much recently it could be your body trying to tell you to slow down a bit and rest

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## Suzi

I think Angie's right. Take some time to rest!

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## Pen

Spent some time catching up with some long overdue house work. Blitzed the sitting room and now it looks a lot better. Also got busy with the hammer and got some more paintings up. Took Ember down the beach for an hour, first time in months so she was a very happy pup!
Hopefully I will feel a bit more like doing some work tomorrow, although hubby will have finished painting the bedroom and I want to clean and organise that. Now J has gone I can move the blanket box into his old room which will give me more room in my bedroom.

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## Suzi

That sounds like another productive day!

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## Pen

AAARRRGGG So close and yet so far.... Hubby is finally building my "clay trap" a system of settling tanks that the water from the sink goes into so that any clay that get washed down the plug hole settles in the tanks not the drains where it would eventually block them. I have been trying to get him to build this for me since May. So today he starts the work. Of course nothing is straightforward. The pipe that he has turns out to be old imperial, so we have to buy new pipe so that the fittings will work, then we cant find the right fittings and then having spent over 3 hours going from shop to shop and thinking we have it sussed, he goes to fit the pieces only to find that we seem to have the wrong nut.... So he has gone out again in the hope that he may be able to find a shop that is open that has the right parts. I am exhausted.

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## Angie

Oh hun its a pain when things like this happen, but am sure that you will get there with it x Try and rest ofr a little bit now if possible x

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## Suzi

Oh no! At least he's doing it?  :(giggle):

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## rose

Nothing is ever simple is it!!!!  :):

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## Pen

It turns out the nut was not the problem my hubby was.... I should have followed my instinct and got more involved he was trying to fit a nut onto the wrong bit. However he did get something together in the end. Now we will have to see if it works. Feeling that I just want to curl up and cry tonight I am so tired and things seem to be getting on top of me. I spent several hours this afternoon trying to get the kiln emptied, contents glazed and reloaded and running. H would not help she was suffering too much from a hangover. Need to rehang the curtains in my bedroom, hoover up and get things straight upstairs.

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## Angie

Pen give yourself a break hunni

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree...

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## Pen

Struggling with thoughts of SH tonight.

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## rose

Pen, why do you feel like SH?  :Panda:

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## Pen

I am just feeling so anxious for no reason.

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## Angie

Hun can you find something to distract yourself with ?

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## rose

Could you go into your studio and do some artwork? I know its late but distraction might be a good way through this.
I think you're a bit annoyed with hubby? Maybe its more that you're annoyed than anxious?

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## Pen

I tried doing the washing up but that did not help. I was in such a state that I could not talk properly. I took a cup of hot chocolate with nutmeg to bed along with a lorazapan. At first I could not stop pacing round the bedroom but after 20 minutes the pill kicked in and I calmed down enough to get to sleep for a while. However the anxiety is back so I have just taken another pill to help ease myself.
There is nothing specific to be anxious about but once it starts my head can find lots of things to fill the gap.

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## Angie

I hope you managed some more sleep hunni x

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## Suzi

How are you today lovely?

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## Pen

Zombie.... The two lorazapan are still floating around my head. Feeling very low and tired but I have lots of work to do so must push myself onwards.

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## rose

Try to take it easy if the Lorazepam is still effecting you. How's the anxiety today?

----------


## Pen

Rumbling away under the lorazapam....

Have written the long overdue letter to the solicitor so at least I can cross that off the list. I have two classes today, both adult sessions but even so I could do without them  :(:

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## Suzi

What's bothering you lovely?

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## Pen

Everything and nothing at the moment. What I really need is some time just to myself to rest but I have to work :-(

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## rose

Just do the minimum, so do the classes, then rest inbetween. This is the problem with having your own business, its hard to know when to stop. And I bet writing that letter to the solicitors was bothering you.

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## Paula

> Everything and nothing at the moment. What I really need is some time just to myself to rest but I have to work :-(


No you don't, not every minute of the day. You are not giving yourself any time off and you need to do that. I know that, when I do too much, my anxiety hits the roof. Please schedule in a regular day each week when you have time away from work, and when you do things for yourself, including some of your own artwork

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## Suzi

No one can work 24/7 hunni.. You haven't really stopped since you started your business hunni...

----------


## Pen

I'm terrified this morning. Having had such a busy August, September is looking like its going to be very lean. I dont want to rely on benefits but I am scared that they will take my DLA away soon and I without the courses I will be struggling. Just read a horror story about ESA and Job seekers and I cannot do that again, I would rather die.
The world is such a terrible place with people starving even in our own country, I dont want to be part of this life anymore.

----------


## Suzi

Sweetheart don't panic. If you are feeling like you might hurt yourself please get help - you know the drill lovely. 

For every horror story there are positives. Hang on in there. Use the notes from Fightback and you can do it.

----------


## Paula

You're going to be fine - how many times in August did you get a last minute 'can you fit us in'. You'll be fine, just keep up the marketing.

----------


## Pen

Just had a traumatic conversation with my hubby after another nasty letter from the solicitor. Not been good all day anyway, had very little sleep last night and today I have just been struggling to get enthusiastic about anything. The letter from the solicitor just about put the hat on it.
Looks like I have 2 full beginners art classes on a Wednesday anyway. One with 6 people and one with 8. They only pay £5 each so just £70 if they all turn up but it should be regular income and afterall that is what the gov says is enough to live on anyway...

----------


## Pen

Oh and just to take the final biscuit H has been throwing up all day and her BF has buggered off with his mates so she is very low as well.

----------


## Angie

:(bear):

----------


## Suzi

I thought your husband was dealing with the house issue? 
Good news about the classes hunni!

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## rose

Pen, you really must insist your hubby deals with the house, its totally unfair on you to have to deal with all that.

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## Pen

Thing is folks its not that simple. I am involved whether I like it or not as I am being taken to court as well. I have left it to him to deal with and his way of dealing with it is to ignore it and hope it goes away.
I really don't need this whilst I am feeling so low but if I try and talk to him about it I get a load of greif about how the house has always been in the family and his brother is living the life of luxury whilst he is working his fingers to the bone to keep the place going so that his brother can capitalise on his work. and of course as I am the bearer of the news I am the one who gets it in the neck, I told him again to put the house on the market but just got verbal abuse as a response. The worst is that I am starting to worry that he will go back on the drink over this. The solicitor has told me that if I side against my hubby in court that I wont have to pay costs, but if I do and we lose then I will have to pay the court costs. I am really troubled about this I am caught between a rock and a hard place. If I side with his brother, hubby will be hurt really badly but if I dont I really cant afford to find the thousands that I will have to pay. It wont just be the court costs I expect his solicitor will try to recover all the costs that S has incurred over this matter in the last year and I am expecting them to be huge!

----------


## Paula

Pen, what do you think is the right decision for the court to make?

----------


## Pen

I am not sure I know really. I can see both sides. This is the only home that M has ever had and he is not well so asking him to uproot and find a new place is not good it's a shame that his twin brother S does not spend some time with M helping him come to terms with the change rather than dumping it on my hubby.

----------


## Paula

Is it possible, rather than going straight to court, that a mediator is called in? It just seems so extreme between family to take it this far - or am I being naive?

----------


## rose

My personal opinion is that your husband should sell. You don't want to upset hubby, but he has already upset you by putting this on you.

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## Suzi

I'm with both the ladies - sounds like it needs to be sold to end this issue, but it seems so sad that so much money is going to be lost and even more sad that the family is being ripped apart by it...

----------


## Pen

Everything is building up on me again. The Anxiety is terrible tonight. Had to take Dad shopping and I was really stressed out. 
Need to change the bed and finish tidying the bedroom before hubby comes
Really dreading him coming tonight
Am cooking my own dinner tonight but the knot in my tummy is so bad that I cant face preparing it
Still need to unpack the shopping
Dont think Ember is going to get an evening walk
Need to phone my brother about Dad's birthday party
Have a class in the morning and nothing is ready

----------


## rose

Is it really any wonder you feel stressed out though? I mean, is this irrational anxiety or is this actually a really stressful situation? 
I don't think it means you're becoming unwell again, I think it means you are under loads of pressure.

Pen, I wish I could give you a big hug  :Panda:  and tell you that actually you're doing amazingly.

----------


## Pen

Also just discovered that half the clay order I need for the morning has gone to Ipswich.... (Two identical packages, sent together with consecutive tracking numbers, one goes to Bristol, one to Ipswich... work that out!!)

----------


## magie06

Oh dear, what can you do to fix this?

----------


## Pen

Absolutely nothing. Ispwich is the other side of the country from me so I just have to cope without it.

----------


## Paula

I just want to give you a huge  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

The clay is not such an issue, I have found that what has been delivered is what I need for the morning. The stuff in Ipswich is clay for my own work.

My anxiety levels have gone down a bit now I had some dinner and got back into my own home. Still got lots of work to do tonight though.

----------

Paula (04-09-15)

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## Suzi

Pen, I know right now you are feeling rubbish, but hunni you are such a different person to the Pen we met when you first joined here. I am amazed at how far you've come and although right now you are dealing with anxiety and feeling swamped I just want you to know how proud of you I am. You are doing something that is amazing, you are following your path doing what you want to with your studio and teaching. I think you're awesome. 
The things on your list will all sort themselves out lovely. You are under a lot of pressure with one thing and another - each one a large amount of pressure without adding in any of the others. Just hang on in there and start scheduling yourself some time out of teaching/cleaning/etc and just allow yourself to have time to "be" itms?

----------


## rose

How are you feeling today Pen?

----------


## Pen

Feeling a bit off today Rose. Had two groups yesterday which picked me up a bit. Did the car boot this morning and came home with a nearly new dishwasher  :(rofl):  bought it off our friend so we knew that it would be ok. Its the same make as my washing machine and they are now next to each other so it looks like I planned it that way. Hubby bought it for me and fixed it up. A had said that he would take on board doing the washing up, but to be honest he lets it pile up for 2-3 days and we only have a little kitchen so it gets impossible to do anything in there so I am hoping this will help keep on top of it.

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## Paula

How do you find these things? Awesome!

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## rose

Finding the new dishwasher sounds pretty awesome, even better that it matches the washing machine!
Is Sunday meant to be your day off?

----------


## Suzi

That's awesome!!!!

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## Pen

Yes  :(rofl): 

The dishwasher is a Bosch slimline and would be £250 new so I am very pleased. Hubby has got it plumbed in and it is running great.

Had a nice peaceful afternoon digging up the dead lobelia, trimming the lavender, pulling up grass from my brickwork and planting up violas...  Now considering walking the dog (poor girl has not been out today) doing some more gardening and retiring upstairs in the studio to do some drawing whilst watching either the DVD's of The Hustle I bought today at the car boot or the film The Imitation Game which I bought a few weeks ago and still have not watched. Although what I really should do is write to the solicitor.....

I have also scheduled tomorrow as a day off as well, I think I need an extra break, although I will need to get the kiln loaded in the morning.

----------


## Pen

> How do you find these things? Awesome!


I sometimes think there is someone looking out for me....

----------


## Paula

I watched the Imitation Game a couple of days ago and it's an amazing film - I completely recommend it  :):

----------


## Pen

Spent the evening writing the letter and watching Hustle, now to check the letter. When I opened up the last letter to check what I had written I was horrified to find I sent it with "Dear My Henry" instead of "Dear Mr Henry".... I am going red again now just thinking about it!!

If S will agree I will borrow £20,000 and partly buy him out to buy some time for hubby and M. Its a risk but hubby has said that he will pay me the repayments. In the long term it will be an investment for the kids so I don't feel I am just throwing the money away.

----------


## Suzi

I shouldn't worry too much about that typo - you probably gave him a giggle lol 

If you want to borrow that money then make sure you aren't putting your home and business at risk...

----------

Angie (07-09-15),Paula (07-09-15)

----------


## Pen

I dont suppose it even made him crack a smile, I think that guy had his sense of humour removed at birth!

I dont like the idea of borrowing the money, it makes me uneasy but whats mine is his so I will do as he asks.

----------


## Pen

Just had to have smile at the Staples advert that just came in on email. It was aimed at University students. The offer was for printer paper, £2.99 a ream - "Thats a good price" I thought till I looked closer, its only that price if you buy over 60 reams... Now I know I wrote a lot on my degree but I dont think I managed to get through 60 reams of paper!!!

----------


## Suzi

lol!!

----------


## Pen

Tried to have a relaxing day off today. Took the dog for a long walk. Did a bit of gardening. Watched some TV. Read my book. But the anxiety is back tonight partly as I am worried that I have so little booked in and really should have spent the day today making ceramics to try and sell. My forecasted income for September is pants and of course H still expects to get paid every week

----------


## rose

I thought that H was helping you out for free, as a nice gesture to help her mum.
Maybe she could help you with your advertising?

----------


## Pen

No hope... I am paying her £25 a week.

Its not so much the advertising tbh, its the number of courses that I have scheduled. Quite a few don't start for a few weeks as people have other commitments until then to rearrange. Also I have quite a few home education and art club sessions scheduled but they only pay £5 for two hours so the most I can get from them is £40 if I pack them into the space and in the case of the adult art classes I can really only get £30. Adult clay sessions pay better but as they have a higher fee they are harder to fill.

----------


## Suzi

Is she actually working though?

----------


## Paula

If you don't work, you don't get paid.  If she doesn't work, surely it should be the same? Maybe an hourly rate would be better?

----------


## Pen

Had an inch thick letter from the court this morning. It seems S's late wife documented EVERY conversation she had with any of us since before my MIL died. She even documented what was said at MIL's wake. She has also documented things that have no bearing on the property such as that I have had MH problems. At this moment it is probable a good thing she is dead or there would be a line of us willing to do the job.  :@: 

I have done what I maybe should have done a while ago and briefed a solicitor. She is looking through the pile to decide if she is willing to have a shot. She is a little surprised though that a: I am being called as a defendant and b: That a date has been set by the court without us having a chance to submit our evidence.

----------


## Paula

Good to hear - hopefully the solicitor will put the brakes on the court date and you can all work out which way to go

----------


## rose

I didn't realise you didn't have a solicitor. Did you decide about the loan? I know you didn't ask for opinions, but I am really concerned about you going down the loan path.

£5 for 2 hours is an absolute bargain Pen!

----------


## Suzi

OO I didn't realise you didn't have a solicitor either. Glad you're getting it looked over now hunni.

----------


## Pen

I held off getting a solicitor as I did not want to run up costs when I could not figure how to pay one. Now I have decided that if I have to take out a loan it will be to pay the solicitor! After seeing all this libellous stuff I am tempted to tell S he can go to hell and we will fight him tooth and claw. I still have not calmed down enough to read what has been sent but A went through it with H and they have found some bits that are frankly untrue. Most of it is so petty, like bringing up that a week after the funeral M denied that there was a will. M was distraught about his mothers death and she had never kept him in the loop about legal stuff anyway. Hubby and I were executors. and in any case this has nothing to do with the current situation. Neither is telling the court that I had MH problems and would keep running off and had a spell in hospital.

However if I do him in at the hearing at least it will help my insanity plea  :(devil): 

I am just so knotted up about this I have not been able to eat all day (although I have just had some sweet and sour mushrooms and fried rice)

----------


## Suzi

It's all just so sad isn't it?  :(bear):

----------


## rose

I totally understand why you feel worked up, its a horrible situation and you are caught right in the middle.  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Hubby rang this morning. I think it took him till then to calm down! I think he has accepted that he really does not have an option and I am hoping he is going to the agent this afternoon. The solicitor I spoke to said that we would struggle to prove a case but that she would take the case if we wanted her to but to be aware that the court costs will run into 30-40,000. I think this news may have been the final nail in the coffin for hubby. Of course the real issue is M and it will be up to him to try and comfort and console M. I did say to reassure him that we all loved him and would make sure that he was settled somewhere and not turned out on the streets.

----------


## Suzi

How much? Blimey! I think that's a good thing that hubby has realised what has to be done, but it's horrible it's had to happen in this way..

----------


## Pen

The whole business has sucked my brains out. I feel like a zombie. I really struggled to teach this afternoon and I have a more challenging group this evening.

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni. Hope the evening group goes well x

----------


## Pen

It was fine. I had a crash refresher on perspective drawing before we started and that was what we did for about an hour and a quarter, then we talked about composition. How an artist makes a focal point and then leads the eye round the picture. Then I set them the task of composing a picture that they will turn into a painting over the next few weeks. (This will make life easier for me as I wont have to do a formal teaching session just help them develop their own work so I wont have to prepare anything!!)  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

That's so brilliant! Well done!

----------


## Paula

Will hubby and M still live together? Will they move near you do you think?

Oh, and you really sound like an awesome teacher  :):

----------


## Pen

I really dont know what they will do. I have my suspicions that they will stay together. No I dont expect them to get nearer, if anything they may move further away as I think they may have to buy a house in town and the town they consider as "home" is Monmouth which is 20 minutes further away from me.

I like to think I am a good teacher.  :(giggle):  I certainly enjoy it, I love getting a kick out of showing someone how to do something and them getting it and producing something that pleases them when they started by thinking "I could never do that"

My old care worker came by and took me out for lunch and a catch up. As we were driving to the cafe we passed a pub and sitting outside where two of my Uni tutors having a pint and some lunch. If we had been going slower I would have wound down the window and told them to get back to work... After we came out of the cafe we were passed by a dozen students and another tutor from the college (not one of my tutors but one who I know) taking a group of nervous students out to do some drawing in the marina. It felt quite strange not to be part of that family anymore, although the tutor did stop and say hello.

Completely  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed up this morning though. Slept really badly last night so did not get out of bed till 9. At 9:30 whilst still drinking my first cup of tea (and everyone will tell you I am useless until the first cup has been drunk) a customer came to pick up work. Whilst we were wrapping it in bubble wrap I dropped a piece... Just a few inches but it shattered. She took it away and tried to fix it but couldn't so she wants a free session as compensation. So kicking myself!!!

----------


## Pen

Just had three kids ad two mums here for an hour. At the end of the hour one of the mums said "I am amazed I never thought that in an hour we would build a house, I thought we would be just making fridge magnets or something!" Her little girl at first was "this is too hard, I cant do it" but by the end we almost had to prise her out and she was upset that she would have to wait a week to have another go.  :8):

----------


## Paula

Do you have insurance against breakages? Is that possible?  Hunni, don't worry, please

----------


## Pen

My insurance probably does include that, but for a £5 piece I suspect would be less than my excess :-) Its not the end of the world, I am just so  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off with myself for getting careless. Its not just that I have let my admin slip and so today someone came to pick up her pieces and I found that one piece had got out of sequence and was still to be fired which was really annoying.

----------


## Paula

Sweetheart, I think you need to have a couple of days off. You sound tired

----------


## Pen

I sort of had a break this week, I have cut the classes back a bit this week so just had one hour today and one and a half tomorrow. Got a one hour on Saturday morning then nothing till Wednesday so will get three days to chill. Tomorrow morning H and I are going to go up to Bristol to Hobbycraft so we can get out the house for a few hours. (and try not to spend mega bucks!!)

----------


## Paula

Sounds good  :):

----------


## Suzi

You are working so hard, with all this stuff with your hubby as well. I'm so glad you have some space and time to just chill out lovely...

----------


## Pen

Am I a really terrible mother that I almost wet myself laughing when J turns up on the doorstep this evening having locked himself out of his flat.... He has 5 extra keys cut, all neatly lined up on a shelf .... in the flat....

----------


## Pen

BTW if you hear a loud knocking noise this evening it is me banging my head after ringing hubby...

----------


## Suzi

> Am I a really terrible mother that I almost wet myself laughing when J turns up on the doorstep this evening having locked himself out of his flat.... He has 5 extra keys cut, all neatly lined up on a shelf .... in the flat....


OMG  :(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Pen

Poor lad, he was tired, thirsty and hungry having left work at 5 and arriving here at 8:30 having exhausted everything he could think of to get his keys from work where he had left them and we all could not stop laughing.

----------


## Angie

Awwww, why doesnt he leave a key at your house in future as a safe guard, I would of laughed to though lol

----------


## Pen

I was one of the intended recipients of the 5 keys that are in the flat he just had not got round to bringing it to me.  :(rofl):

----------


## Angie

lol opps maybe he will now remember to get you the spare key lol

----------


## Suzi

Sorry, but still chuckling over this one!

----------


## rose

Lol... 5 extra keys?!
What happened with hubby?

----------


## Paula

How are you today?

----------


## Pen

Poor J the rest of the company was going out to a company team building day, a teepee in a field, fire pit and bar he had to go back to Bristol and try and sort out his flat. Not even sure if he managed to get to the party that they were having tonight.

Hubby STILL has not briefed the agent...
S's solicitor has come back with questions to my letter which has just left me with my head in my hands. Too tired to reply
The kiln should be on tonight, its not. I have got behind with the glazing.
My blind group is down to two definite and one part timer... Not sure I can continue without getting more bums on seats. Really worried that I have upset the group and that they are not coming because of me.
I want to join the DBT group but cant as I have scheduled a course when its on and now it looks like I may get taken off the list.
Starting the home educators groups next week and not sure what we will do yet
Have kids coming tomorrow morning and not sure what we will do.
Electricity bill is waiting to be paid
Spent far too much money in Hobbycraft this morning
Need to find time to do admin, accounts are a mess, need to mix up more slips, make test strips and chase up parents of artwork that is here.

So the answer Paula is I am feeling totally crap and very anxious.

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart  :Panda: ... You need to be working on getting some time each day for yourself. Admin etc starts to build up really fast. 
I'm sure the blind group isn't anything to do with you in a negative hunni.. I think you'd be a brilliant teacher. Is it not something that H could be doing if you are paying her?

----------


## Pen

Done the accounts. The kiln is on. Rearranged the shelves to be able to keep a better eye on the progress of work. Ran a class for three kids and afterwards let the mum come back with her kid and remake the piece I broke (and let his brother make a little piece as well.).
Tomorrow night I will be able to do a ring round of everyone who still has work here and hopefully get it all cleared out.

Had hoped to find some time to do my own art work but it was not to be...

----------


## Paula

It will be, Hunni.  This is all so knew and you're finding your feet. It won't be long before you have a routine that works for you and makes it go more smoothly

----------


## Angie

You will settle into a routine after a while hunni,

----------


## magie06

I'm sorry you feel like everything is building up on you. I really hate when that happens. I'll light a candle for you tomorrow when I go to mass. Good luck and try to keep your chin up.

----------


## Suzi

You'll get your own systems in place soon enough lovely, let's face it at least some of it atm is trial and error.. It's a new business lovely, give it some time and be strict about the time that you put in to make sure you have at least a day off lovely....

----------


## Pen

Going to be a busy week from Wednesday but I did get some inspiration whilst having a lie in this morning about what I will do with the Home Educators art group on Wednesday.
Decided to skip the car boot this morning, too much to do and I have spent too much money this week anyway. I think I have about £5 credit in the company account and I need to order a load more stuff from the pottery supplier (Which will come to about £130). I will have to have a look at if the bookings I have this week will potentially cover this.  

After I have walked the dog though the first thing I need to do is move the sofa and investigate the nasty smell that is coming from one end. I did find some maggot cases behind the sofa a week of so ago so I am a bit concerned about what is under there.

----------


## Pen

Phew moved the sofa and was relieved to find that apart from a collection of Embers balls and some dust there was nothing there. Just put the cover into the washing machine but I am scratching my head as to where this unpleasant smell is coming from.

----------


## Suzi

You were so brave to move it and investigate!!!

----------


## Pen

I think it must have been on the cover as I can't smell it tonight.
Hubby has arranged for the agent to come on Tuesday and put the house on the market. I nearly messed up this evening though when I admitted that I have had a reply to my letter about buying a share off S so he thought he could get out of the sale so I had to make it seem less attractive.

----------


## Suzi

Glad you can't smell it anymore. Hope that the valuation tomorrow oe s=sIK

----------


## Pen

Its my graduation on Saturday so I have been really brave this morning and had my hair properly cut for the first time in over 3 years. I found a place in town that would do a cut for £9.90 so I thought I would risk it when I went to pay my takings into the bank. I have a home colour here so I will dye it later today.
Came home with two warm cheese and onions rolls and two toffee cream doughnuts. Ember sat and drooled whilst I ate my roll then when she realised that she was not getting any of mine chased after H who shut the door in her face so she is sulking now.

----------


## Pen

Just eaten the cream doughnut. Ember is still sulking, all she got was a chance to lick some icing and cream off my fingers..

She was just at the patio window growling at something in the garden (a cat I suspect) so I opened the door for her to investigate. She rushed out realised it was raining and shot back into the house. Fat lot of use a guard dog she is!!!

----------


## Paula

Well done for getting your hair done and wow! Your graduation - for a first! 

I know all about guard dogs lol. The kitchen fitter came to measure up last week and my 2 didn't even lift their heads to acknowledge a strange man in the house!

----------


## Angie

Storm just wants to jump up and lick faces, she has to be crated while we have visitors she is that giddy, and deffo not a guard dog.

----------


## Suzi

Wow Graduation!! Have you picked out what you are going to wear?

----------


## Pen

No Idea.... I suppose I should have a look and see what I have got! It had seemed to be ages away and then suddenly its here. Trying not to think about it too much!

----------


## Paula

Are you looking forward to it?

----------


## Suzi

It'll really be amazing!

----------


## rose

Are you going to be in a gown and cap and all that? How exciting  :):

----------


## Pen

Oh yes. I have booked the gown and cap and a formal photograph when I am all dressed up. Not sure how I feel, a mixture of excitement and fear I think.

----------

Paula (14-09-15)

----------


## Angie

Understandable hunni but you will be fine honestly x

----------


## magie06

Well done for studing while being sick. Good luck with the graduation.

----------


## Pen

It was a five year struggle. At first I really did not think I would make it through but I was fortunate to have a great tutor in Sim for the first two years and then the HE tutors were great as well (and I still had Sim to help with the Ceramics work which was his speciality). But what really helped me through was my College Mentor. She never did any of the work for me but was always there to help me get a grip when things were getting too much or talk to the tutors when I could not or just read through what I had written and reassure me that it was better than I thought.
I would keep a mantra in my head on bad days... "Get up, Dress up and turn up" and even when I thought I just could not carry on that was what I did. I think my average attendance through the course was 95% (there was a few days when it really was just too much to cope with!!).

I still cannot believe I got a first. It also seems really odd not to be going back to college. One of the campuses is just down the road and it feels odd when I am walking the dog to see kids wearing college passes and not be part of that.

----------

Suzi (15-09-15)

----------


## Pen

7 this morning Ember woke me by the process of pressing her nose against mine and staring hard at me. I got up and went to the loo, when I went back in the bedroom to get my dressing gown the little madam was curled up fast asleep in the warm space I had left with no intention of getting up.....

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):  clever little Ember

----------


## S deleted

and this is one of the reasons why Max is crate trained, lol

----------


## Pen

I'm not allowed to crate Ember, not that I would anyway.

----------


## S deleted

I used to have a staffie who made a great pillow when lay on the sofa, haha

----------


## rose

That sounds like something my cats would do. They wait next to me and as soon as I move, they are in the space I was sitting in.

I think its amazing you went back to college and changed career. How did you know you wanted to do art?

----------


## Angie

Storm has to be crated bit only at night and when we have to leave the room for her safety

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## Pen

> I think its amazing you went back to college and changed career. How did you know you wanted to do art?


I have always had an interest in art, but when I did A level art for a year I was told that I had no talent and would never be any good at it so I dropped out and studied electronics instead. 
I still did art but it was something I did at home and never shared with anyone. When I went into the MH ward I took art stuff with me and there was two fabulous people in there, one an OT and the other an art therapist. They encouraged me to do as much art as possible and I had lots of people in the ward admiring what I did so I started thinking maybe I am not as bad as I thought. Whilst I was in there I picked up a brochure for the local college covering degree courses so I applied, but I missed the deadline and they would not extend it as they said I did not have the formal skills needed for the course anyway. 
Then a friend took me along to a college open day and I met Sim who was the tutor for the art and design foundation course and he persuaded me to apply for that course. I figured I would give it a go, that it would give my days some structure and hopefully help my MH.

The rest as they say is history.... After completing the foundation course I was welcomed into the degree course and throughout have been reassured that my art is fine and nothing to be ashamed of.

----------

Paula (15-09-15)

----------


## magie06

And look at you now, your own business in art and the classes you are running a t eacher as well. Do you still see your old art teacher? I would love to put her nose into it. Well done you!  :(handshake):

----------


## Pen

I would have loved to but it was over 30 years ago and he was an old man close to retirement then so I suspect he is long gone. In a way he did me a favour as I made a good living in electronics and was able to be a good enough financial position now to be able to do this. I think if I had stayed in art at that age I would have ended up working in McDondalds like a lot of art students.

----------


## Suzi

Pfft what's important is that you are doing it! You are not only creating your own items, but you are teaching! You are amazing!

----------


## Pen

Somedays can be quite frustrating though, I have spent almost all day mixing up coloured slips. Currently I am part way through making a fresh batch of base slip. Its like baking a cake only more dangerous, I have to use 50% of one thing then 20 of another and 10 of three others. They all go into a mixing bowl and then you add water and make a batter. This is then sieved. Until the water goes in you have to be really careful not to breath the powder or it will coat your lungs and suffocate you... Lovely stuff. I could buy the colours all ready made up but they are over twice the price doing that.
Once I have finished this slip I have a batch of russet glaze to mix up. Again the safety mask will have to go on. As I wear glasses my breath coming out the top of the mask fogs them up, so I have to take them off and then I struggle to see the quantities I am mixing so I put them back on then have to take them off again as they are steamed up...  :(think):

----------


## Suzi

That does sound frustrating.... Is it not something which one of your apprentices could be doing or at least helping with?

----------


## Pen

I did get H to make 25 test tiles today which was a help. I need more staff... but I have no money to pay them... I wonder how I get work experience kids...

----------


## Suzi

Maybe let a secondary school near you know that you're available?

----------


## Angie

How about college students coming to help out for the experience

----------


## Pen

Been looking into the schools work experience. The kids only come in July and there are a huge number of hoops to jump through so thats out. I may contact the college and see what they say but I have only been trading for 5 minutes so they may not be too keen.

----------


## Angie

I would contact them as you wont know unless you ask hunni x

----------


## Suzi

IS it today that's graduation or next week?

----------


## Pen

Saturday

----------


## Angie

Awww have a lovely time on Saturday xxxx

----------


## Pen

Thank you. Just ran my first ever art class for kids. It was intense and a chance to get to know the kids better but I think this class is going to more taxing than the adult classes. Now for the first of the two adult classes.... No idea what I am going to do but we start in 20 minutes....

----------


## Angie

You will figure out what you want to do hun am sure, have fun with the class x

----------


## Suzi

What did you do?

----------


## Pen

I gave them a still life to draw for an hour, including making them change seats and work on each others drawings. Then for the last hour they chose a flower out of my garden and did a watercolour painting.

Tomorrow I have the first of the home educators pottery class, so we will be making pinch pots in the shapes of sea monsters so I had to knock up a few tonight after the evening class to a: show them what they can make and b: refresh myself on making them!!

----------


## Pen

RIGHT.... Takes big breath.... Kids pottery day..... 8 Home educated kids for the morning and dont know how many later this afternoon.

----------


## Angie

Hope you all have fun hun x

----------


## Pen

It was, but I am just so tired, I have not been sleeping at well well for the last few nights. Kids made sea monsters. I have posted the pictures on my FB site but if you are not a FB user they are here as well http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/2015/0...ucated-groups/

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Angie (17-09-15)

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## rose

This is all so awesome, you are building up a brilliant business! Did they teach you some of this stuff at uni? I wouldn't know where to start. (I mean the business side, not the art side, obviously, I know you did art!)

----------


## Suzi

I love seeing the pictures you are posing!

----------


## Pen

Yes the course I did at uni was a business course as well as art. It is quite unique in that respect as very few art degrees prepare you for the business aspects of a self employed artist like this one did. Of course it helps that I have run three companies before this, but the course was really helpful in understanding the art business.

It seems I have become famous. I just went down to our "scrapstore" to become a member and the ladies in there went "oh are you the lady who is running the pottery classes in weston advertising on FB?"

----------

Paula (18-09-15),rose (17-09-15)

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## Angie

Hey brilliant on getting recognised so quickly hun x

----------


## Pen

Phew, 6 kids this evening, all making little cottages and all at different stages. I had my two most constant customers tonight as well. B and W who are both 4. W is a boy and was not keen on making a cottage and took some persuading, he was much more interested in making "poo". B is a girl and is much easier to work with but not big enough to roll her own clay. Unfortunately both parents legged it when they dropped those two off as B and W are quite happy to be left with me. I have to try and get W to make something along with the group as left to his own devices he creates HUGE creatures and uses much more clay than I can really afford. Of course W saw the sea monsters we made this morning so he nows wants to make them.
The mum and Dad of two of the kids stayed with them but I suspect that actually the parents did most of the work, unfortunately I was so tied up with B and W that I could not intervene or I would have given the parents their own clay but I think everyone enjoyed themselves anyway.

----------


## Suzi

As long as everyone had fun!  :):

----------


## Pen

Well my bank balance will look a bit healthier after this week. The HE Clay group paid upfront for 6 weeks so I will have to transfer the money over to the savings account once it is paid in so I can drip it back into the current account week by week and not go mad on the spending. However I am now comfortably in profit. I have a lot of people who want courses and so I now have to consider what I will add to the schedule or if I just stick with what I have for a while.

----------


## Suzi

That's brilliant! Well done hunni. That's fantastic - you haven't been trading long and already you're in profit? Amazing.

----------


## Pen

I know and I also have people begging me to put on more classes. I just had a message from someone asking if I would put on another beginners art class and I added about 5 people to the waiting list for kids classes plus some mums have asked if I would do a group for them. I will have to consider these carefully though. I calculated last night that I actually have enough coming in from the classes and the rent from H to live of and so do I actually want to do more? Maybe I can rent the space out to a friend for them to run a class? Just need to find a friend I trust not to give Carantoc Art a bad name with poor teaching.

----------


## rose

Not even two months in... and you are thinking of employing staff  :O: 
You're so awesome Pen  :(bear):

----------


## Mira

This is amazing. I think you are an inspiration.

----------


## Suzi

I agree. Pen you've changed so much as a person and how you deal with the bad times. I am so proud of you.

----------


## Paula

You're incredible - I'm completely in awe of you!

----------


## Pen

:(blush):  No I dont think I am incredible. 

Just had the blind group. Boy thats hard work, partly as they are so nice and wont speak up and ask for help when they are stuck but wait quietly till you notice that they are just sitting waiting. So you constantly have to be vigilant whilst moving from one to another. One guy must have sat for about 5 minutes whilst I tied up a wind chime rather than say he needed more clay.

----------


## Suzi

Part of that is them learning to know to say something! You might have to keep reminding them!

----------

Angie (18-09-15)

----------


## Pen

The thing is that they have on the whole spent their lives reliant on others so they are very unassuming about asking for help. The guy who was waiting for clay is partially sighted (and the group chairman) so he especially does not want to ask when there are others who are more disabled than him who need my time. Thing is that getting him more clay takes seconds so it would not have been a problem. I have written to my old tutors to ask if there is anyone who would like to get some work experience helping me with them.

----------


## Pen

Scary... Just been going through my wardrobe trying to find something to wear tomorrow. Found an old suit of mine that I had when I was an MD. I had given away all my other suits but for some reason I had kept this one. It has not seen much wear and is a lovely dark purple colour. Two years ago it would not have fitted me but I tried it on tonight and although the jacket is a little tight across the shoulders it fits! It was an expensive suit from M&S so it is cut really well and looks very sliming so teamed with a fancy cream blouse I have H and I have decided that is what I will wear. I will probably be the only person in a trouser suit but I only really feel comfortable in trousers and only own two skirts which get worn about once a year so it would make sense to wear trousers.

How do women without daughters ever choose what to wear??? I would be lost without being able to bounce ideas of H when getting dressed up. Hubby would just grunt something about "you always look lovely"

Suddenly the graduation is starting to get real!!

----------


## Suzi

That sounds brilliant about emailing your tutors! 
I'm so excited for you about the graduation - Can we see pics?

----------


## rose

I think its so lovely that you and H had that moment Pen. I bet you'll look brilliant and good luck for tomorrow, you earned it.

----------


## Pen

> I'm so excited for you about the graduation - Can we see pics?


Just try and stop me! My best friend is coming and H. Dad wanted to come but I felt it would be too much for him and I did not want to spend the afternoon worrying about him so I have promised him lots of pictures as well!

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## Paula

So exciting! Im really looking forward to seeing pics  :):  (and it's not all girls - eldest is great with clothes, youngest doesn't care lol)

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## Pen

A very unhappy hubby turned up tonight. Life is hopeless, no one loves him, life is not worth living anymore... Depression is eating him alive tonight. However apart from the paperwork the house is finally on the market.

I have to admit his brother S does have a nerve, he turned up at the house on Monday and asked hubby to go over to his holiday caravan he keeps nearby and cut the hedge. Not only that but he didn't offer to pay him anything for doing it. Hubby did but he could not bring himself to say that he was putting the house on the market the next day.

----------


## Mira

That is some nerve.

Sorry to hear that about your husband, depression is a horrible thing. As we all know.


(just had a look at your website, its amazing)

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## Angie

:Panda:  hunni, personally if it was me I would of told him to go pay a gardener brother or not. I hope your husband starts to feel brighter soon x

I hope that you enjoy your graduation sweetie x

----------


## Pen

I was just surprised that the other boys did not hang him by his ankles in the orchard but apparently he brought a bodyguard  :(rofl):

----------

Paula (19-09-15)

----------


## Pen

Getting really nervous now. I have also discovered J is bringing his german GF home this afternoon for a few hours before we go out for dinner. The house is a tip so will need to get cleaning, especially as she is very allergic to pet hair!

----------


## Pen

I have discovered that the graduation ceremony will be played live on FB. If you would like to have a look mine will start at 3 this afternoon.https://www.facebook.com/westoncollege?fref=ts

----------

Suzi (19-09-15)

----------


## Pen

Or here for non FB users  :(rofl): 
http://www.weston.ac.uk/graduation-live-2015

----------


## Pen

I should be visible as I will be the only woman in a purple trouser suit...

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Suzi (19-09-15)

----------


## Suzi

Remember that it will go so fast so stop and try to take it all in...

----------


## Paula

Good luck hunni  :):

----------


## Angie

Looked like a lot of fun was had today hun x

----------


## Paula

How'd it go? I'm sorry I didn't see it live. I looked up from my study and realised it was 4pm  :(:

----------


## Suzi

You looked fantastic!

----------


## Pen

Did you watch it Suzi, I'm surprised and flattered :-)

Here are some of the better pictures of me with H and my my best friend M.
http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...duation%202015

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## Pen

It feels really weird tonight. It has finally sunk in that its really over and I no longer have a connection to the college. I saw my tutor today and asked him if he had got my email but he has not seen it yet. He has given me a lead of another centre in town that helps people with sight issues find activities so I may be able to pick up more business there as his wife works there!

----------


## Angie

Love the photos on your photobucket hun and you look so happy x

----------


## Paula

You look amazing and so happy! H is gorgeous btw

----------


## Suzi

Of course I watched it! I told my children about you and the graduation and they came in and watched bits too. I was so thrilled when I saw you! Awesome speaker too! H is stunning!

----------


## Pen

Thank you everyone.

Came home this morning to find an ominous brown envelope on the doormat....

However it turned out to be a letter telling me that the DWP owed me £10 in an unpaid Christmas bonus from 2009.... :(party):  Feels like I just pulled a Chance Card from a Monopoly game... Now what can I blow my extra £10 on??

----------


## Paula

Woohoo! That almost never happens  :):

----------


## Pen

I know  :P: 

Went and had a coffee with one of the mums this morning, she has offered to come and help me with the HE pottery group on Thursday morning which would be helpful as the youngest is 4 and the eldest 12 so I am hoping that she can look after the little ones whilst I am doing some more academic stuff with the older children. It will also mean I can deal more effectively with a bigger group so get a bit more cash.  :(rofl): 

Went down to the scrapstore which was fun. I got a 12.5Kg bag of clay for £5.30 which works out at 40p a kilo which is an amazing price, more than half what I had been paying. I also got a basket filled with huge sheets of paper, cardboard, containers for putting water and slip into, two plaster moulds, some cardboard cones to make father christmas' with, elastic bands, picture mounts and some other bits and pieces all for £3.
They are awful in there... they kept finding things I might like.... including coming out with a bag filled with rollers with patterns on them for rolling into clay... it was with great difficulty that I stuck to just two and handed the bag back (as they were not counted as part of the £3 and were £1.20 each). I also nearly came home with a fantastic dragon puppet, I told them that if they had had one in purple I would have been forced to buy it so they have taken that as a challenge to see if they can get a purple one in!!! I have checked online though and I think I am safe they only seem to do it red and green. http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Shiny-Red-...item3ce57a7abb

As its turned a bit chillier tonight I have blacked my fireplace and fender, cleaned it all up and have a real fire going. For a little while I had all the lights out and was just sitting listening to a radio play by the light of the fire. The kids thought this was a bit odd when they came through for a ciggy and have left me one light on. Not the same though...

----------


## Pen

The really great thing about visiting the scrapstore is that it is my job!!

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Paula (21-09-15)

----------


## Angie

Sounds like you had a good time shopping hun, and you can't beat a proper fire

----------


## Suzi

That scrapstore sounds awesome!

----------


## magie06

That scrapstore sounds brilliant. The craft shop nearest to me, holds onto bits and pieces like that for me. 
You are beginning to sound like a proper grown up business woman now. It wont be long until you will be franchising  out to other areas in the UK.  :(handshake):

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Paula (22-09-15),Pen (22-09-15),rose (22-09-15)

----------


## Pen

I know. I am starting to think I need an administrator to help keep track of bookings!! However at the moment as well as everything else that needs doing I am still the person who paints the floor.... I am trying to do an hour on Mondays and Tuesdays  and hope eventually I will get the whole floor done, only thing is by doing it in stages I bought a second tin of paint and discovered that despite assurances to the contrary by shop staff it is in fact a slightly different colour to the first, of course I did not discover this till I was well into painting when I realised that it was not drying as light as the other...

----------


## Pen

Have spent all evening trying to get more people for my course tomorrow morning after the numbers dropped to 2. Not sure who is coming now! Had to move the start time to 10 which will mean I will have one hour to clear up the kids class before setting up the adults whilst grabbing some lunch! Its going to be tight !

----------


## Suzi

Are H and your other person not helping with anything?

----------


## Pen

There is no other person  :(rofl):  just me and H. H has a trapped nerve in her hip so can barely stand so she has not been much help, hopefully today she may be a bit better. I do have someone coming to help with the HE class tomorrow and someone who will help with the blind group on Friday but apart from that its just me and H.

Had a really bad night last night, just could not get off into a proper sleep. At 1 this morning I was unloading and reloading the dishwasher and writing a lesson plan for this morning. I finally got off about 1:30 and woke at 7 so feeling very tired at the moment.

----------


## rose

Do you think perhaps you were stressed out about today? I hope it all goes well. I think you are doing brilliantly!

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## Angie

Your doing so well hun, try and figure some rest time into your days though

----------


## Pen

Run two groups so far today. May have a little lie down before the next one at 7. I woke this morning and thought, "you know I have quite a gap between the afternoon and evening groups maybe I could fit in a kids art club for an hour there and have four classes on a Wednesday"  ....... Call the men in the white coats!!!!!!

----------


## Angie

Take that time to rest up or sit and do paperwork dont over do things in one day hunni x

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## Paula

Lol, I think you do need to give yourself time to rest/do admin  :O:

----------


## rose

LOL you make me smile. Always trying to maximise the business opportunity. But you did say you had some admin to do, and you had a bad night's sleep, so maybe you can use the downtime to catch up on paperwork/sleep.
The problem with running your own business is it can be difficult to know when to stop. But you only started this business in August, and its your baby, so I can see why its hard for you to relax.
You're honestly doing amazingly though, maybe just take some time to say 'Well done Pen'.

----------


## S deleted

I had noticed you were online at silly o clock the past couple of nights. Was tempted to send you a message to tell you to go to sleep, lol

----------


## Pen

> I had noticed you were online at silly o clock the past couple of nights. Was tempted to send you a message to tell you to go to sleep, lol


I would if I could! Tried all sorts of things in the last few weeks to try and get myself off to sleep. Hot chocolate. Hot chocolate with nutmeg. tea. milk. squash. spraying my pillow with lavender spray. Reading a book. listening to a play. Watching a film. Not using the computer before bed. Cuddling up with Ember, not cuddling up to Ember. Changing the bed. Trying different PJ's. Trying breathing and meditation techniques. Not taking my antihistamine medication (really regretted that one the next day!!), eating earlier in the evening. Going to bed and getting up at the same times

I go to bed tired but once I am under the covers I just toss and turn and cant get off for hours.

----------


## Pen

BTW Stella if I was up at stupid o'clock you must have been as well to have noticed!!

Really unhappy this morning. I have a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off potential customer as I missed replying to their message. Streetlife have cut me off as they want me to pay between £25 and £50 every time I want to advertise a class and Hannah is going to Dismaland for the day and I have two clay classes and and art class and no one to help clear up between them. (oh and its raining so I will get a wet walk with the dog)  :S:

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni  :Panda:

----------


## Angie

:(bear):

----------


## rose

I had never heard of Streetlife before! It looks as if they don't carry any banner advertising, so I suppose they have to make their money somewhere.
Have you tried Facebook advertising? You know, the in-feed ads you get, or the right-hand-side ads?

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## Pen

Yes its annoying as I find the older generation tend to use Streetlife not Facebook so for the adult art classes I get more bookings from Streetlife than Facebook. I have spent money advertising with them but it is very expensive if you want to reach outside your immediate area (£25 an ad in your local area £50+ outside) and I have not had responses to the paid ads I have put in.

Facebook advertising is not free either and although I have used them several times again I have got no response. People generally zone out these types of paid ads as they seem suspicious of them and more friendly message in Streetlife on their message boards or a note in the buy sell site on Facebook gets a much greater response.

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## Pen

Grrr. Decided I dont like people. Going to become a hermit in the Orkneys.  :=(:

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## rose

That's interesting about Facebook, the bit where you said posting in the local groups gets better response than the paid advertising. 

 :Panda:  for the tears, try to do the minimum you can get away with today, you sound tired.

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## Suzi

Loads of people I know struggle with the paid adverts. I know that the DWD FB page gets more traffic by sharing posts etc and the costs for advertising are ridiculous! 

I think you sound exhausted too hunni xxx

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## Angie

Hunni try and get an early night, even just resting in bed with a book

----------


## Pen

Yes I am tired.

Still only one course tomorrow.

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## Suzi

AW sweetheart  :Panda:  :Panda:

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## Paula

Hi sweetie, how's today?

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## Pen

Still very tired. Although this morning did discover why I was a tired and bit down and in need of eating a bar of chocolate at 2 this morning. Ladies I am sure you will understand.
Only had the blind group today and we had the best session yet. My friend from college A-M came to help and it made such a difference. She was able to sit with one of the totally blind people whilst I kept an eye on the another. She spent quite a bit of time sitting with a guy who is very quiet and withdrawn and I have never seen him so animated. A-M though is one of life's wonders. Someone who is always kind, always happy, always thinking of others despite life throwing some nasty curve balls at her like cancer and discovering her son had a baby that she knew nothing about till the mum and baby turned up on the doorstep from Japan. I think it sums her up that when that happened she just threw open the door and welcomed them in, to the house and her heart. She has said she will come every week and help but she wont accept payment, not even the cost of her petrol. 

I have spent the evening helping another college friend out. What started out with her asking if she would need to pay business rates turned into an online seminar on running a business. Ending up with me offering to help her with her advertising plan.

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a good day hun despite mother nature throwing a curve ball in there at this moment

----------


## Suzi

Your friend sounds like an amazing person - maybe you or you and the blind group could make her something to say thanks? She sounds like she'd appreciate that far more than money...

----------


## Paula

A wonderful friend, helping you out, and then you passed on the random act of kindness to your college friend. That's what life should be about  :):

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S deleted (27-09-15)

----------


## Pen

Had a little wobble last night after reading Rose's post so I hope she is alright. H has decided that she wants to get more exercise as well as her new diet so we took Ember for a two hour walk up Sand Point this morning. It was glorious, for most of the time we did not see anyone else (we did there at 9:15) the weather was not too hot or cold and just a gentle breeze blowing.

Here are some pics of where we went (try not to get too jealous!)
http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...%20Sept%202015

Now having had a rest for an hour I am trying to decide between drawing, housework, making pottery or gardening

----------


## Pen

Had an hour chatting to hubby this evening, holding his hand, reassuring him, persuading him that life is not so bad and that things will work out, wiping the tears...

Now I feel I may need to call the Samaritans myself.  :S:

----------


## Angie

Awww hunni, but make that call if you need to, I take it your hubby is upset about the house etc?

----------


## Pen

Oh yes. He feels that the whole of his family is against him, even his local cousins. He feels that they are making him out to be a criminal and he is concerned that he may end up either in prison or a ditch.

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart that can't be easy..  :Panda:  One of my favourite things I've ever done was to climb Brean Down!

----------


## rose

> Had a little wobble last night after reading Rose's post so I hope she is alright.


I remember so clearly when you were so ill, and I woke up one morning worrying sick that something had happened to you. The first thing I did that morning is come on here and check to see that you'd posted.
Maybe I should have told you that at the time, but what would you have said? Probably something like 'Don't worry about me!'

You got through it Pen, look at you now! You inspire me because you were ill a long time and went through a lot and came out the other side, not just surviving, but flourishing. So that gives me hope, a lot of hope.  :(bear):

----------

Pen (28-09-15)

----------


## Pen

I care a lot about you Rose, so I worry about you as well  :(smirk): 

Suzi I have not been up Brean Down for many years so that may be coming. This morning H wants to goto Crooks Peak, scroll to the bottom of the link here to see what we are facing :-) http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/mendip-hills/

The first part is V. Steep so will really burn off some calories. However not sure we will make it to the top, I know a route that goes over an adjoining hill and is a gentle downward walk through the woods.

----------


## magie06

Looks lovely, enjoy all the fresh air. You are so lucky to live in a place like this.

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a lovely walk hun x

----------


## Pen

> Looks lovely, enjoy all the fresh air. You are so lucky to live in a place like this.


 :(rofl):  H was only saying yesterday how much she would like to go to Ireland and explore the waterfalls and hills.

----------


## Angie

I want to go back to Ireland it is an absolutely beautiful country and I have a lot of family over there, my grandad was born in Galway but lived in Offaly on Shannon Harbour,

----------


## Suzi

Crook Peak looks awesome!

----------


## rose

This looks amazing. Is Monday your official day off from work now?

----------


## Pen

Sort of. I am trying to have Sunday and Monday as my "weekend" but I do find it difficult to stay out of the studio and away from answering emails and FB posts.
We did not make it to the top of Crooks Peak but got up the hill next to it. It got me thinking about another piece to write for Moodscope. The only way I could get her to the top was to get her to aim for little targets. So "right lets get to the next bush then rest" eventually we got to the top and the view was magnificent. I think that sometimes you need to tackle depression like that. Not looking at the top of the hill, its too much to tackle, but taking little targets along the way till you get there. and not forgetting to stop and look back at what you have achieved so far and giving your self a pat on the back for getting that far. When we were half way up it was great to look back down and see what we had managed to that point and how great the view was, knowing that with each step the view and the sense of achievement will get better.

I would love to post the pictures but Photobucket is playing silly buggers and wont load.

----------

Paula (28-09-15)

----------


## Paula

I agree, it's the only way I get through. I'm really, really tired at the moment but still need to get things done so it's very much 'I'll do this then I can have a coffee etc'

----------


## Pen

Just watched The Imitation Game. Wow, great film. Its not often that I watch films anyway and even less when I just cant stop thinking about it. What a tragedy to end that way!

----------


## Paula

It's an amazing story brilliantly acted (though I'm biased as I think Benedict Cumberbatch is the best actor we currently have in the world). It's such a shame he didn't know he'd once receive the thanks he deserved, and all of those at Bletchley Park

----------


## Pen

Finally managed to get my pictures uploaded! Try not to get too jealous :-) One of the pictures is a bit blurry as I had the camera in my back pocket and it seems my bum must have got a bit hot!!!

http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...%20Sept%202015

----------


## Suzi

Those are beautiful!!!

----------


## Paula

Gorgeous, really beautiful - mind you my youngest, when first introduced to the area my parents had moved to said 'but it's just grass and trees' lol

----------


## Pen

This morning my head is full of dark thoughts. I had a dream last night about trying to run away again and this morning I am just thinking that being dead would be soooo good.

----------


## Paula

Are you giving yourself enough time to do your own pottery? Just for you? I would think that would be a way of focussing on what's good in your life itms?

----------


## Pen

I have some new toys coming later today from the pottery supplier to play with. 

It also looks like I will be starting a new group if things goto plan with stroke survivors. Meeting the organiser on Friday to thrash out details. 

Now I had better go and build a stable for someone....

----------

Paula (29-09-15)

----------


## Suzi

I'm sorry about that dream. Are you OK? 
The stroke survivors group sounds brilliant! Stable? To go with the Nativity pieces?

----------


## Pen

> I'm sorry about that dream. Are you OK?


I dont know really. I would just like someone to take care of me I guess, rather than have to be always the person who is taking care of everyone else. 



> Stable? To go with the Nativity pieces?


Yes I have two I made yesterday but they are just Mary, Joseph and Jesus at the moment, I need to make two stables for them. (a certain admin on this site has requested a commission  :(rofl):

----------

Paula (29-09-15),S deleted (29-09-15)

----------


## Pen

Hubbies house is up on Rightmove now, so if you want to see what all the fuss has been about its here:-
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-36619329.html

----------


## rose

Oh Pen, its beautiful. I can see why he didnt want to leave.

----------


## Angie

I can see why he doesnt want to leave x

----------


## S deleted

With views like that I wouldn't wanna sell up either. Heartbreaking.

----------


## Pen

His family have lived on that land for nearly 200 years.

----------


## Suzi

Wow! It's beautiful! I can understand why they don't want to leave!

----------


## rose

I feel really bad for them having to leave all that. 

Are you ok Pen? You've had a rough couple of days  :(bear):

----------


## Paula

Oh Pen it's beautiful ...... I know hubby is fragile right now but please make sure you look after you too.

Oh, and I think that certain admin has impeccable taste  :(giggle):

----------

S deleted (29-09-15)

----------


## Pen

> Are you ok Pen? You've had a rough couple of days


Not as rough as you...

----------


## rose

> Not as rough as you...


I think I am coming out the other side of it though. I think crisis is a bit like a storm, in the end it tires itself out.

----------


## Suzi

Are you taking care of you?

----------


## Pen

Dont know really.

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart  :(bear):  :(bear):  Are you able to get help if you need it? Samaritans? A+E?

----------


## Paula

> Dont know really.


Hunni, please get help if you need it, and give yourself some time to relax and for you x

----------


## rose

:Panda:

----------


## Pen

I'm sure I will be fine. I will have to be, there is nothing anyone else can do.

----------


## Suzi

How are you today gorgeous lady?

----------


## Angie

Hey Pen how are you today ?

----------


## Paula

Morning, lovely

----------


## Pen

I don't know really. I struggled to sleep again last night and took a lorazapam to get me off. I am wondering how many repeat prescriptions I can get before I have enough for a OD. I no longer have a GP assigned to me so I suspect I could get quite a few.

----------


## Paula

Pen, hunni, please talk to your GP, Samaritans and get some support. Can you get H to look after your meds and just give you a day/week's worth at a time?  You're a wonderful person, with an amazing talent, and a family that loves you so much.

----------


## Suzi

Pen love, this seems like a massive slide really fast. Please get some help. Call the crisis line if you need to. You can get through this. You've just been doing too much and need to slow down and take better care of you. Sweetheart please call your GP..

----------


## magie06

Have you been talking to anyone? It would be a good idea to do it and take a weight off your mind. Please make that call.

----------


## Pen

There is no point in calling anyone, there is nothing wrong with me, so no one can do anything.

----------


## Angie

Hunni please make sure your safe, wondering how many pills you can get is a worrying sign sweetie x

----------


## rose

Pen, you've been working hard and been doing brilliantly. Your husband finally put the house on the market. Things are looking good for you.
Then suddenly, your husband is sad, my post triggered some bad feelings, and here we are.
Think back to a recent time when you felt good. Those beautiful nativity sculptures you made for example. Helping children and blind people create art. YOU did that, you made other people smile. Another example was walking with your daughter, it wasn't just about the beautiful scenery and the exercise, you spent time with your daughter who you love and who loves you.
All those good things are within your reach, they are in your recent memory.
This is just a blip that WILL pass. Your thoughts are just thoughts and you don't have to act on them. Get back to your GP asap if they continue. Don't let Depression win.
 :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Pen lovely, you shouldn't feel this way and feel that you shouldn't be calling people for help. Hunni if you are having those negative and harmful thoughts then you are well within your rights to call for help.

----------


## Pen

Well its true. There is nothing wrong, I just have had enough. I dont want help.

Had two classes today. Had a few more kids for the art class this morning. One a little monster... Had 5 adults this afternoon took them out to the park to do some drawing. Tonight I am teaching the other adults art class. Some of them want to do a bit of sculpting so get a bit of clay for them this evening.

----------


## Paula

You seem so tired, lovely, can you please make sure you take some time to yourself? - you've got a lot on your plate and you're overdoing it I think

----------


## Suzi

Are you actually getting any time off so to speak?

----------


## Pen

Not really I guess.

----------


## Suzi

Is there any way that you can schedule some "you" time?

----------


## Pen

No too much to do. Three classes again tomorrow.

----------


## Suzi

Are you having help with them - H and your friend?

----------


## Pen

My friend came this morning and was a big help with the HE group who are starting to warm to me a bit. The evening kids group was a laugh we made gnomes. Just waiting for the adults to turn up now.

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a fun time was had hun x

----------


## rose

How are you doing Pen?

----------


## Pen

Still thinking that an OD would be a good idea

----------


## rose

Definitely NOT a good idea. You'd probably wake up in hospital with a severely damaged liver. 
Do you feel sad, anxious, worthless, hopeless? What is it that's making you feel like you don't want to carry on?

----------


## Suzi

The gnomes look amazing! 
Are you sure that you're not pushing yourself too hard? 3 classes today sounds like a huge amount - especially as I would imagine you don't get much of a complete break between them as you're probably cleaning up and setting up for the next class in between times?

----------


## Pen

Thursday is not quite so bad as I have my friend to help in the morning and then I have a gap from 12 till 4:30.
I am about to take on another 3 courses. I have an adults ceramics starting on a Tuesday afternoon on the 20th October, another Saturday session starting this week and I am meeting the stroke association tomorrow. Then this evening one of the delegates on my course (who is the home ed coordinator for North Somerset) asked if I would be able to run a pottery group of teenage Home ed kids.

----------


## Pen

> Definitely NOT a good idea. You'd probably wake up in hospital with a severely damaged liver. 
> Do you feel sad, anxious, worthless, hopeless? What is it that's making you feel like you don't want to carry on?


I just feel dead inside. I feel that my life is a sham and that I cannot keep up the pretence any longer.

----------


## Angie

Hunni please go back to your gp and explain what you have here to him/her xx

----------


## Suzi

It's fantastic how many classes people want you to run, but you have to find some way of doing them and getting a break too. You must be exhausted al the time which won't be helping your mood.. What about discussing it all with your GP?

----------


## Pen

What GP? I dont have one I can talk to anymore, even if I felt there was any point.

----------


## rose

You are moving into a new phase. Until recently, you were _Pen, student, mother, wife..._ now you are _Pen, business owner, teacher, mother, wife..._
Maybe your feelings about yourself just haven't caught up with the reality. So you look at what's going on around you, and you don't know how to feel, its all alien to you, and you feel like you are a fraud somehow, that its a sham.

Who looks after your medication now? If you needed a review, who would do it?

----------


## Suzi

I think you might need to pick another Dr to see and go through things with them.

----------


## Paula

Please find a go hunni, and get support. You're too special to gave this happening to you

----------


## Pen

> Who looks after your medication now? If you needed a review, who would do it?


My medication is on a weekly repeat prescription. The last time I saw a doctor he took me off the pregabalin but would not alter the venlefaxine although I asked him to take me off that as well. Whoever is on prescription duty signs the prescription. There is no one specific who would do a review.

I cant face going to the surgery. The only way to get an appointment there now is to goto their "drop in clinic". Its not really a drop in you still have to fight through the hundreds of people wanting an appointment on the phone first thing in the morning and if you get through you are given a time slot. If you dont manage to get through in time you dont get an appointment and have to try again the next day. When you get a slot you go along at the given time and whichever doctor is free is who you see. The idea terrifies me of seeing a doctor at all especially one who is not sympathetic to MH issues. I found it really difficult to even talk to Dr T who was very good but I just cant face seeing anyone else. I have no faith in any doctor to be able to do anything.

----------


## Paula

Perhaps you could ring up and ask to be put back on the pregabalin - if that's the recent change, maybe that's the course of this drop?

----------


## rose

I was told by a pdoc that patients on Venlafaxine must have a yearly ECG and blood pressure check. 
Also, you have to have a named and accountable GP as part of some government thingy now.
So if you continue to feel low, you know you need to get help, make an appointment for a couple of weeks time (I can totally understand why you can't face the 8am scramble for appointments) and have a chat about things.

----------


## Pen

> Perhaps you could ring up and ask to be put back on the pregabalin - if that's the recent change, maybe that's the course of this drop?


The change was in February, which was the last time I saw a doctor about my MH.

----------


## Pen

> I was told by a pdoc that patients on Venlafaxine must have a yearly ECG and blood pressure check. 
> Also, you have to have a named and accountable GP as part of some government thingy now.
> So if you continue to feel low, you know you need to get help, make an appointment for a couple of weeks time (I can totally understand why you can't face the 8am scramble for appointments) and have a chat about things.


I have not had a ecg check for over two years now. The pdoc's know that it should be done for patients on Venlefaxine but the GP's dont. 

On the records I have a named GP. He is the head of the practice so that is what on everyones records. He and his wife taught an understanding christianity course I did for a couple of years. He's a nice guy socially but I dont like him as a doctor. Anyway I think all doctors are frauds and I dont want anything to do with any of them anymore.  Anyway as I said it is almost impossible to get an advance appointment as all the doctors are tied up with this "drop in" thing.

----------


## Suzi

Why do you think that all doctors are frauds?

----------


## Pen

This is likely to become a rant about doctors so I shall refrain from answering that.

----------


## Paula

Hunni, please speak to someone, Samaritans?

----------


## Suzi

Fair enough. When's your next day off?  Will you call Samaritans/CALM/Crisis Line/Etc or go to A+E if you need it? When is your husband down next? Does H know how you are feeling? 
Sorry, loads of questions...  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

> When's your next day off?


Sunday




> Will you call Samaritans/CALM/Crisis Line/Etc or go to A+E if you need it?


 No point




> When is your husband down next?


 Arrived half an hour ago and has made me some tea and a toasted muffin. He will be out all weekend though.




> Does H know how you are feeling?


 Yes. She knows that I am not right. I think finding me lying on the bed staring into space was a pretty good indicator to both her and hubby.

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing today lovely?

----------


## Paula

Morning sweetie, how are things?

----------


## Pen

Did two hours of kids clubs this morning which was a profitable morning. However I just feel so ill. Physically as well as mentally. I feel like I have a knot in my whole body and feel sick. There's a railway line just up my road, I would jump in front of a train but I dont want to traumatise a train driver.

----------


## Paula

Pen, please talk to H and hubby, please call Samaritans, the emergency dr or go to a&e  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Please get some help lovely x

----------


## magie06

Please go for help please.

----------


## Suzi

Pen you've done so much recently. You haven't really stopped since I've known you - but recently you've had the move, starting your business, finishing your degree, exhibitions, your son moving out, renovations to make your studio, your husbands issues etc.... You need to find some time just for you.

----------


## Angie

Couldn't agree more with everyone sweetie please seek some help x

----------


## rose

A knot in your stomach... that sounds like anxiety.... you're no longer on Pregabalin (why were you taken off?)
I know you're sick of doctors, sick of talking about it, God knows I am too, but there is no other way to get help.

Its Saturday night, you've got two whole days now to just chill out. So get into your PJs and get yourself onto the sofa, watch a film, have a nice dinner. 

By the way, when was the last time your husband took you out for dinner?

----------


## Pen

> Please go for help please.


I have asked for help so many times and not got any so there is no point.

----------


## Pen

> A knot in your stomach... that sounds like anxiety.... you're no longer on Pregabalin (why were you taken off?)
> I know you're sick of doctors, sick of talking about it, God knows I am too, but there is no other way to get help.
> 
> Its Saturday night, you've got two whole days now to just chill out. So get into your PJs and get yourself onto the sofa, watch a film, have a nice dinner. 
> 
> By the way, when was the last time your husband took you out for dinner?


Doc took me off pregabalin as she said it should only be used for a short time and I had been on it too long.

Hubby is not the sort of guy to do meals out. A MacDonalds is a meal out.

----------


## rose

Interesting about the Pregabalin, I am going to ask my pdoc about that.
A MacDonalds is NOT a meal out!!!!!

----------


## Suzi

I've been on it for a couple of years and they've not said that to me? 
Pen, you sound so sad. Is your hubby with you all weekend? Have you told him and H how you are feeling?

----------


## magie06

I really think you need to talk to someone. It's Saturday night, and you sound so sad and fed up. I wish I could be there, just to be there for you. If I were there we could stay up and chat about everything.   :(bear):  :(bear): .

----------


## Pen

> I've been on it for a couple of years and they've not said that to me?


Ah but you are not on it for anxiety. I think as an anxiety med its only supposed to be for short term use.




> I
> Pen, you sound so sad. Is your hubby with you all weekend? Have you told him and H how you are feeling?


Hubby is here. He bought a chinese for dinner but the oil it was cooked in was tainted so I could only eat about half of it. Although I think I would have struggled to eat more than that anyway. After pacing the house for 20 minutes afterwards and then washing the kitchen floor, I locked myself in the bathroom. When I came out hubby had gone to bed. I curled up on the sofa in my blanket but after 10 minutes he came looking for me and has made me come up here to be beside him. However I cannot sleep, and I am waiting till he goes to sleep to slip out again.

Hubby would hate a romantic dinner and I would hate to see him unhappy but trying to please me so we dont eat out except at very special family occasions.

----------


## Pen

Still wide awake past 3 in the morning. I have tried lots of things but nothing seems to work. The dog is both helping and not helping as it is comforting to be able to cuddle her but at the same time she is pushing up hard against me. I have come downstairs now to have a cup of tea, a biscuit and try taking a lorazapam. I only had two left so I was holding out as long as I could. I have asked the surgery for some more but they said on Friday that they were waiting for a doctor to consider if I could have more as I have not asked for any since June when they gave me 14. You would have thought that as I was using so few that giving me more would not be an issue but hey ho.
I have not had lots of negative thoughts and worries that are keeping me awake, I just cant stop thinking about what I need to get done this week and what I can do with the kids and the adults in the pottery classes this week. This is why there is no point in calling the Samaritans. The conversation would go something like "do you think I should make bird feeders by using slab or coil techniques or by building over a ballon, oh and by the way I want to kill myself..."

----------


## Suzi

Did you get any sleep at all?

----------


## rose

When you have all that stuff in your head, can you try writing it down in a notepad? Just to get it all out of your head, so you don't have to remember it, and then maybe you can get some rest?

----------


## Pen

> Did you get any sleep at all?


I finally got off at about 4 this morning. I woke at 9. Hubby and I were going to goto the car boot together but he knew I had had a really bad night so he left me to sleep as he thought might do me more good than being taken round a field. 
After I walked the dog this morning I went up to Homebase to get some compost. It was a bit of a disaster. I did not take any cash forgetting that you need a quid for the trolleys. There was no way I felt strong enough to carry a bag of compost from the back of the store to the tills and then to the car so had to come away empty handed. Trouble was that I was so tired that I could not face the drive back home. Hubby and H started to get worried when I did not come back and rang several times but I just felt too low to answer the phone. Finally I did and I managed to make it back. 
Hubby is currently cleaning the grass out of the patio, he says "I always knew you would bring me to me knees!" he has then said he will finally put up the wall mounted washing line which I bought about two months ago and then he conveniently forgot about. I know why he is suddenly doing all these chores its because he is worried about leaving me.



> When you have all that stuff in your head, can you try writing it down in a notepad? Just to get it all out of your head, so you don't have to remember it, and then maybe you can get some rest?


Tried that, it does not work for me it just starts other thoughts off.

----------


## Paula

Sweetie. I'm glad you got some sleep, and hubby let you sleep.  Homebase wasn't a disaster, lovely, it was a nuisance. Compost is not the end of the world. Well done for answering the phone and getting home, it's going to be ok - I really think you need some rest though  :(bear):  (and my nativity set can wait til next Christmas if necessary) x

----------


## Pen

The next two nativity sets just need sanding smooth and then they are ready for the first firing. I Hope to get them in on Tuesday so you may not have to wait till next Christmas. Been doing just little bits this afternoon. Weeded some grass with hubby for about 20 minutes then I just got too tired to carry on so had a little nap on the sofa. Just had some lunch with him. He is insisting I eat even though I dont really want to and has told me off for not having any food in the house for me to eat during the day in the week.

----------


## Paula

I'm so glad he's looking after you. You're so precious, lovely, you deserve to be cared for

----------


## Pen

Just feel sick now after eating the sandwich and crisps he made me. My legs feel like lead I dont think Ember is going to get an evening walk. Just unloaded (after I asked H to do it) and reloaded the dishwasher but Hubby stepped in when I started to wash up the pans that cant go into the dishwasher and is currently finishing clearing up the kitchen. Meanwhile I just want to go to bed but I still have to finish checking the kiln and the drying racks.

----------


## Paula

Sweetie, this has been such a quick spiral - is it worth getting checked out for any physical reasons behind this?

----------


## Pen

I dont know, I just dont think I can face the battle to get to see anyone only to be told there is nothing wrong with me and to pull myself together.

Hubby has gone now. Kiln is fine, and just turned off the fan on the cooling rack so the studio is locked up for the night. H has taken Ember. 

My whole being feels like a knot again, my head just feels empty, I cannot get enthusiastic about anything at the moment least of all the course admin that I need to do. 

Just been researching the best way to kill myself. Interestingly it lead me to looking at a site about killing fruit flies....

----------


## rose

Did you speak to your husband before he left about how you feel?

----------


## Pen

Oh he knows that I am bad. Now have swung from just waiting to curl up on the sofa to pacing the house. Just tried to get out to the car to get my razor blades but H caught me and has now taken the car keys away. So I will be going out to the studio in a min for a craft knife.

----------


## rose

No, stop. Take a deep breath. Have you got anything like Valium for emergencies like this?

----------


## Pen

No I have one lorazapam left and no idea when I will get anymore.

----------


## rose

Can you take the Lorazepam? 
If you're talking about harming yourself, you need to use every tool you have to keep calm.

----------


## Paula

Rose is right. Take the lorazapam, that's what's it's for, speak to the dr tomorrow and ask for more. Please don't assume they won't give you more - it's their job to make that decision, not yours.

Is H staying around tonight?

----------


## magie06

Oh Pen, please don't do anything. Please, call hubby and tell him how you are feeling. Get yourself to a + e and to safety. You need someone to take over and be your help for now. I don't think you should be left alone for now either. Please please ring H.

----------


## Pen

H is in her sitting room with her BF watching Dr Who.

So far this evening I have sanded a nativity scene, washed up some paintbrushes, put a load of washing on and put away my clean clothes. (and had a short spell in the bathroom with a knife)

----------


## Suzi

Pen, those kind of throwaway comments are really distressing lovely... I hope that you've called a helpline or hospital...

----------


## Pen

I'm sorry suzi I will go away until I can behave myself.

----------


## rose

Pen, don't go anywhere  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

> I'm sorry suzi I will go away until I can behave myself.


Oh Pen, that's the last thing I want. I just want to make things better for you. Sweetheart please please please call someone...

----------


## Paula

:(bear):  hunni please, please get help.

----------


## S deleted

Pen, there are hundreds of ways to kill yourself, how would you like to go out? Do you have a high pain threshold? Are you worried about leaving a lot of mess for someone to clean up? Hey, inbox me I've got tons of different ways you can do it.

But before you do think of this...somebody somewhere is going to find your body. This could be a general member of the public, a close friend or a family member. Now put yourself in their shoes. Imagine the image of that dead body etched into your mind, once you've seen it you can't unsee it. That image of a loved one lying lifeless with you every night before you go to sleep. Think of your family, wondering what they could've done differently to stop this from happening and having to live the rest of their lives with that nagging feeling they could/should have done more. You know what it's like having to live with negative thought every day, do you really wanna put your family through that? 

Do you want to end your life or do you want to end the negative thoughts? Please Pen do the sensible thing and get help right away.

----------


## rose

Thinking of you Pen  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Been walking for the last three hours, just trying to deal with my head. Walked down to the railway station but decided that I could not do that to a train driver. So just walked and walked, I hoped that would help, that it would tire me out so I can sleep but all I have is a throbbing corn and I am still wide awake. I just cant get help, I dont know who I could ask. I tried to talk to the Samaritans but although that helped to calm me down a bit at the time it did not do anything to help with how I feel. 
I just want to disappear, Stella I dont have the courage to kill myself and I certainly dont want to traumatise anyone else. I just want someone to wave a magic wand and for me to no longer exist.

----------


## S deleted

Sorry Pen but that isn't gonna happen. We can either give up, which isn't really an option, cos we can't just stop breathing, or we can fight it. I know it's hard when you feel drained of energy and the thoughts in your head are telling you not to bother trying, but we have to fight on. Try and get an emergency appointment with your GP in the morning and explain how things are right now. It hurts to see you like this when you have been doing so well. We're all right behind you buddy and wanna see you back on top again.

----------


## Pen

H wants me to call the docs in the morning as well. Dont know if I will manage to get an appointment. Its a Monday which will be busy anyway and the surgery only has 4 doctors on duty.

----------


## Angie

Pen please try and telll them that you need an emergency appointment if necessary x

----------


## S deleted

Get on the phone as soon as the lines open and stress that its an emergency.

----------


## Pen

Not sure I will be awake when the lines open at 8am! Just discovered that they have stopped doing the sit and wait clinic system though and you book in with a doctor of your choice again. Not that I know who would be any use as I have never met any of the doctors who are on duty tomorrow.

----------


## S deleted

Set an alarm for 8am and make that call. If you need to get some sleep again after you can do but please get yourself some proper help.

You can try and make all the excuses in the world but I  can nag with the best of them too.

----------


## Pen

I dont know what I will say to them.

----------


## Suzi

Pen, have you made an appointment? 

What you will tell them? What you've told us hunni...

----------


## Pen

Yes. Took 10 minutes to get through but I did manage it. Appointment is at 11:20. Had to take who was free so receptionist did not know if she is any good with MH issues.

----------


## rose

Well done  :(bear):

----------


## Paula

Well done, lovely  :Panda:

----------


## magie06

Good luck at the gp today. Bring a copy of your last few posts here, so they can see what you are going through at the moment. We are all thinking of you and only want the best for you, so please keep this appointment.

----------


## Angie

Well done hunni, print your posts out from here and just show them to her if nessessary,

----------


## Jarre

How did it go?

----------


## Pen

Could not print out the posts so got H to read them and come in with me. The doc was very kind and understanding. She is going to fax a letter to the pdoc saying that it would be an idea for a specialist to see me sooner rather than later. She has given me a load more lorazapam to try and help with the anxiety and to help me sleep. H has taken the tablets and is looking for the car keys and is cooking me some lunch.

----------

Jarre (05-10-15)

----------


## Suzi

That's so positive. Well done to you for letting H read what are really personal posts here. I'm so glad that she was good. Would you see her again?

----------


## Pen

I probably would. She gave me a hug as I left. Dont know if i will get to see anyone from the psych team though.

----------


## Paula

Well done, lovely. And you will get to see the pdoc - you didn't think you'd have any more lorazapam but you did. They're only interested in getting you better, whatever it takes  :(bear):

----------


## S deleted

hey you've made the first step, well done. I'm really proud of you for making that appointment and keeping it. It's never easy asking for help but you've got the ball rolling now. Give yourself a pat on the back

----------


## Pen

I think that I will need to cancel courses but I cant get my head to work enough to be able to figure out who I need to contact and how.

----------


## Angie

Well done hun on going and also getting H to help, take a step back for a little bit then figure out what you need to do xx

----------


## Jarre

Step at a time hun, make a list cross them off when you can do them.

----------


## Suzi

> I think that I will need to cancel courses but I cant get my head to work enough to be able to figure out who I need to contact and how.


Is that something that H could help with? Or your friend?

----------


## magie06

Well done on going to your gp. I understand that it was very difficult thing for you to do, but you were able to go. I'm glad that H went with you when you went. I don't know what you can do about cancelling your classes. Maybe your friend can help here. Try not to cancel too many of them, you don't know how you will feel later in the week.

----------


## Paula

I was going to ask if your friend can take some classes? You may lose the money, but you'll keep the classes going and your reputation intact

----------


## rose

I am so glad you saw the doctor and got some more Lorazepam and a pdoc referral. I think that was far more than you expected and I think it was the right thing to happen.

Why do you feel you have to cancel the courses?

----------


## Pen

Neither of the friend that help out have the knowledge or experience to run them. I have cancelled the two most stressful (and least profitable) which are the home ed classes. I felt that I was in danger if I ran them of losing my cool and snapping at the kids. I will see home the adult pottery goes tomorrow. Its a nice easy class that brings in quite a bit of revenue and most of the evening they will be working on their own things and they know where stuff is so I dont have to wait on them hand and foot like the kids classes.

Tried to do a bit of mandala drawing tonight but failed miserably. started trying out the idea of Zentangle but the urges to self harm became overwhelming so I have zentangled my arms..... quite a challenge drawing fine patterns on your right arm with your left hand when you are right handed. If I do get to see the pdoc (and I am not holding my breath here!) I wonder what she will think? Come to that wonder what my customers will think!

----------


## Suzi

That sounds like a great distraction (and I imagine it looks awesome)

----------


## Pen

Now got fish swimming up my left leg. Contemplating a dragon up my right. Its just about keeping the self harming feelings in check!

----------


## S deleted

Hey if its working great. Sounds really impressive

----------


## Pen

They are not really.
http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/pe...an%20zentangle

----------


## S deleted

haha they look wicked, zentangle tats, lol

----------


## Pen

I think they will wash off in the shower in the morning.

----------


## S deleted

or you hope so, lol

----------


## Suzi

Did they wash off? They look awesome.

----------


## magie06

The look fabulous Pen, I couldn't do anything like that. My squiggles are just that, squiggles. No form or anything resembling anything known to man or beast!

----------


## Pen

I dont think most of mine resembled anything known to man or beast either! They came off in the shower. Well most of them did, some bits I highlighted in red biro and now I have the odd red patch up my arms. I did not scrub the fish on my leg and so although they are faded a bit they are still there.

----------


## magie06

Pity they came off so soon. They would have made fabulous tattoos, and I'm not into tattoos. 
How are you feeling today Pen? Any better?

----------


## Paula

They're amazing! And a wonderful distraction. My daughter does henna tats regularly on her hands and arms and I can never get how it's so pretty and exact to do something with one hand

----------


## Pen

No not feeling great. Doing the drawing helped at the time but as soon as I stopped things got bad again. Managed to get out for coffee with my best friend who could see how bad I was. I had planned to go to the art sale today at my old college but could not face it so went into The Range instead. Which to be honest was probably the cheaper option. I also managed to get into town and pay the last two weeks takings in so the account does not look quite so desperate!

----------


## rose

The drawings you did were amazing, shame they washed off! I wonder, have you stumbled across a good way to fight SH urges?
What else do you have to do today, it sounds like you've got a lot done already.

----------


## Pen

Certainly it did help. I think that making contact with the skin in a repetitive way may have been comforting in a primevil way, as well as the drawing technique keeping my mind occupied.
I have a pottery class tonight so I have to think sometime today about what we will do, however in the meantime I am drawing a christmas card...

----------


## rose

Yes I wonder if its just enough contact with the skin to fulfill the urge without actually hurting yourself.
Make sure you have a proper lunch and maybe a nap? Just to recharge your batteries a bit.

----------


## magie06

Have a nap please, you will need your energy for the class this evening.

----------


## Suzi

I still think they looked fab! 
Hope things have brightened up for you a bit lovely...

----------


## Pen

Very tired so I am going to have a lie down for half an hour. I have 7 people coming this evening....

----------


## Angie

I hope that you have had rest hun and that its helped x

----------


## Paula

> Very tired so I am going to have a lie down for half an hour. I have 7 people coming this evening....


Big hugs for tonight

----------


## magie06

Best of luck for this evening. I'll say a prayer for you that everything will go smoothly.

----------


## Suzi

Hope it went well lovely xx

----------


## Pen

Well got through it. Got two beginners and 5 improvers so a nice profitable group. I made more in that two hour pottery group than I make with both my home educators groups put together (4 hours). As soon as I can finish them up I will do so. There is far too much hassle for far too little money.  With the adult group tonight they can do a lot themselves so I dont have to run around so much.

----------

rose (06-10-15)

----------


## Suzi

Glad it went well lovely..

----------


## Pen

Arrrggg still can't sleep!

----------


## S deleted

probably that nap earlier knocked you out of sync. Have you got anything to help you sleep?

----------


## Pen

I dont think I actually went to sleep in the day yesterday, I had a lie down for about half an hour but did not go off. I took a lorazapam last thing but it did not make the slightest difference I was still drawing at 1 this morning.

Two art classes today. Dont know what I will do with them but at least its adults.

----------


## Suzi

:(bear):  How are you feeling today?

----------


## Pen

Somebody please shot me.

----------


## Paula

Nope, not happening.  How's the art classes going?

----------


## Pen

First class in half an hour.

----------


## rose

Did you get any sleep last night?

----------


## Suzi

How did the first one go?

----------


## Pen

I got off to sleep about 1 I think. 
I have just really struggled with the group this afternoon and feel really ill, so I have cancelled this evenings class. I really struggled to concentrate and although I think they enjoyed themselves I dont think they learnt as much as I could have taught them if I had been on better form.

----------


## Paula

Sounds sensible. Are you eating?

----------


## Pen

Yes, although whenever I do I just feel sick. I have no energy, cant concentrate. trying to decide if I can teach tomorrow.

----------


## rose

Do the Lozazepam help when you feel like this?

----------


## Pen

No. I am not feeling anxious just dead.

----------


## Suzi

What strategies can you use to help you through this? Are you still walking Ember? Does the exercise help at all? TBH I just want to jump on in and give you a huge hug!

----------


## Pen

No not been able to find enough energy to walk Ember. Hannah has just taken her out for a bit. I have been doing a of drawing, this time on paper! cant quite master zentangles so doing a mandala based zentangle. I was doing a zentangle christmas card but lost my way a bit with it.
I am ok whilst I am drawing but I dont know what I will do about tomorrows classes.
I lit the fire this afternoon and put on "the great escape" I have lost track of how often I have watched it but I it is a comfort film that I can have on the background without having to actually pay close attention to it.

----------


## Paula

Oh hunni  :Panda: . Do you think taking the classes tomorrow will help distract you? Have you done any pottery for yourself?

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni.  :Panda:  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

I found the class I took this afternoon exhausting. I really struggled to keep my concentration and just felt sick and tired all through it so no dont think it would be a good distraction. It was why I cancelled this evenings class, I just could not deal with doing it for another couple of hours.

----------


## Pen

Just had a polite bust up with H. I as nicely as I could pointed out that it was a bit unfair that the only person who cleans the bathroom,stairs,landing,hall and kitchen was me, whilst also trying to run the business every hour god made, whilst she sits in her lounge almost all day watching tv and playing on the computer. She got into a rage and is currently blitzing the house by dumping everything in my room. Ember and I have fled to the park.

----------


## rose

Well done for saying that to her!  :):

----------


## Angie

Well done for telling her hunni, make sure she undumps things from your bed though x

----------


## Pen

I have cleared a passageway onto the sofa...

----------


## Paula

Well done, I'd have done exactly the same

----------


## Pen

OK knocked up a painting as a test for the evening group tonight. They will have to replicate the painting using as few different colours as possible. I am trying to think of a prize for who manages to find the right colours and uses the fewest options.

Now off to blow up some balloons ready for the kids to make bird feeders....

----------


## Paula

Well done hunni x

----------


## Suzi

Well done lovely..  :Panda:

----------


## Pen

Balloons were a disaster... Not doing that again!!

----------


## magie06

Sorry, but how do you make a bird feeder from a balloon?

----------


## Paula

> Balloons were a disaster... Not doing that again!!


Oops, still it's all experience

----------


## Suzi

I was going to ask how they went...

----------


## Pen

Maggie you use the balloon as a mould http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/blog/

Not an experience I wish to repeat. Maybe next time I will use the balloons to make a papier mache mould that I can make the shapes round!

----------


## Angie

Using paper mache sounds like it could be a good idea

----------


## Suzi

I think he looks lovely! But I can see how it'd be almost impossible!

----------


## Pen

He is also quite big even using the smallest balloons I could find. It is not impossible but takes a lot of determination to do it!

Really feel bad again this morning. When I cut back on the classes I start to feel better but as soon as I start to ramp them back to normal I start to get really down again.

----------


## rose

How many have you got today?

----------


## Paula

Which suggests to me you're doing too many classes and not pacing properly. I know you're building your business, but you need to find the happy medium, even if that means talking to the job centre about low income support

----------


## Pen

I have just the one class today. 

I have been considering the issue and I feel I need to drop the art classes and concentrate more on the ceramics, sculpture and multimedia groups. Trying to plan lessons on something that I dont feel I really have a lot of skill in is stressing me out. At least with ceramics there are a huge range of things that we can make from the practical to the artistic and generally once I have taught people the basics the biggest problem is stopping them getting too ambitious!

Having said that I have just taken on another group, this one will be for just one hour and will be doing all sorts of art stuff, from clay to painting. It is for recovering stroke victims. 

I also plan to drop the classes where I am just not making the income, like the Home educators sessions. The HE art class I am going to scrap completely. The pottery HE group I will keep running for the next three weeks then the price will have to go up so that I get £5 an hour per head, and I will drop the length of the session down to an hour and a half. That is quite long enough for most of the kids anyway, especially the younger ones. With the art group I am getting an average of £10 an hour out of which I have to find the running costs of the building, costs of materials and pay myself as well. As I am then having to spend a couple of hours preparing for the class each week as well I think I am getting about £3 an hour for my time.

I do get working tax credits so this does help pay the bills, in fact with my DLA, working tax credits and the rent from H and A I can cover all the bills without running hardly any classes, but I know this will change in the new year so I dont want to rely on benefits.

----------


## Paula

That sounds sensible. I do think your mood dropped when you started doing too much, so hopefully all these plans will help. Hunni, you're doing great

----------


## magie06

I think you are just brilliant. Just take time out to rest and to have some me time.

----------


## Suzi

I think you need to work through things as a balancing act. You are amazing and taking on the blind group and the stroke group. I think you need to start looking after you more....

----------


## Pen

Had a shock tonight.Hubby has a buyer for the house! At 9k more than the list price.

----------


## rose

Wow that's great!!!!

----------


## Angie

Thats great hun x

----------


## Suzi

That's fabulous!

----------


## Paula

Fantastic!

----------


## Pen

Yes sort of... Now the real fun begins of trying to find him and M a house they like...

----------


## Suzi

Would they relocate nearer you?

----------


## Pen

M would not. He wants to keep the same doctor so I have to find a place with bus access to his doctors in a rural part of the UK where buses are almost non existent!

----------


## Paula

Hunni, why do you have to do it?

----------


## Pen

Because neither of them can use the internet!

----------


## Pen

Just been house hunting online and found the house I grew up in and hubby first met me has just come on the market. I have to say that it is completely altered since I moved away. Including the disappearance of a very big fish pond in the backyard  :(rofl):  Its in his price range, it would certainly be a laugh if he ended up living back there...

----------


## Paula

> Because neither of them can use the internet!


Ah fair enough. Would H help do you think?

----------


## Suzi

That's so fab!

----------


## Pen

I swear that if someone finds my hubby in a ditch with a kitchen knife in his back I may just possibly be to blame!!!

Him "So if I buy an empty house I can move my stuff in gradually"
Me "No. You have to move out of one and into another"
Him "but why cant I buy a new empty place and move in over a few weeks"
Me "Because once the people buying you house have given you the money you have to get out, that is what vacant possession means"
Him "buts that unreasonable, I cant possibly move all my stuff in one go like you did"
Me "Thats the way it works hun, they will want the keys when they give you the money, other wise you could go on living there indefinatly having taken their money"
Him "But I would not do that!"
Me "I know that, but people have done that in the past so this is how the system works"
Him "I might as well just chuck all my stuff in the tip. I dont have time to sort this all out"
Me "Well our friend Graham has said he will come and help with clearing anything that may have a value"
Him "I dont have time to meet with him, I am at work all day"
Me "Well stay over at the weekend and ask Graham if he can come, or maybe he could come over one evening"
Him "I have too much to do here (weston) at the weekends I cant stay over there"
Me "Well you are going to have to find some time to look at houses"
Him "I dont have time free to do that"
Me "talk to your boss about what is going on and I am sure he will give you some time"
Him " But we have just started building the new house and with his son Ed still not recovered after his back operation I am the right hand man"
Me......In my head PLEASE GO HOME..... nothing I say will be right and I am getting to close to screaming !!!!

----------


## rose

Oh Pen, ummm.... I'm not sure what to say!!  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

That sounds so frustrating! Is there any way that you could get him to get some details of houses and make a short list? Could he/they move in with you?

----------


## Pen

He does not know what he wants! One minute he is saying he thinks it would be good for M to live in monmouth town, then he is saying that he does not want a semi or any neighbours close by and maybe Chepstow would be better. Then he is saying maybe a flat or a bungalow. The the next minute he is saying he wants somewhere with a real fire. Then he says he does not want a garden, then he sees somewhere with a nice garden and expresses interest in that! Then he says he does not want to live South Wales anymore but the next second is talking about how M is going to get to the doctors!

If it was not for M he would come and live here. As for M coming to live with me OVER MY DEAD BODY!!! I married hubby NOT his brother! There is NO way on this planet that he going to come and live here! Although I would never tell hubby I really dislike his brother, he smells and has a really juvenile sense of humour. The thought of him being around my house sitting in my lounge and expecting me to take over as his mother 24 hours a day makes me shudder!

----------


## Suzi

oops, sorry! Didn't know things were like that!

----------


## magie06

What can you do to help?

----------


## Paula

Oh hunni, what a nightmare  :(:

----------


## Angie

Oh Pen,

----------


## Pen

Right so far this morning (on my day off) I have spent an hour sorting out paid advertising on google and facebook. Hopefully I will get some return for my outlay!

Now to get dressed and go down the town to do the banking.....

----------


## Suzi

Erm, "DAY OFF"???? Put the business stuff away and do something for you!

----------


## Pen

I think that I find it almost impossible to completly walk away from the business....

I do plan to do some gardening today, it has been sadly neglected for the last month or so.

Hubby just rang to say he has had a better offer. £12K more than the last one!

----------


## Angie

Brilliant news on the offer hun, I get the not being able to walk away when your self employed, but do try and find some time for you without the work x

----------


## Pen

Few!
Potted out some of the bulbs and pansies that have been sitting around for weeks then H and I went down the town. Done the banking but also...
Waterstones, wh smith,wilkingsons, the works, Clinton cards,shoe zone and the health food shop.  Now in Asda but I am so tired I am in the coffee shop whilst H does the shopping.
Still did treat myself to a few new books in the works including one on drawing zentangles so looking forward to getting home and doing some drawing. Meantime I am here reading one of my new novels.

----------


## S deleted

Wow! I could barely make it to the corner shop today so you've done great getting so much done. Sounds like you've earned that cuppa and enjoy ya book

----------


## Pen

I don't think poor Ember is going to get another walk today though I am absolutely knackered!

----------


## Suzi

Wow, you've done masses! You don't really "do" pacing do you?  :O:

----------


## Pen

No not really  :(think): 

I am in heaven tonight though. Bought some new fluffy socks to wear in the house so have them on, have a real fire roaring away, just eaten my favourite meal (macaroni and cheese and chips!), have my favourite drink by my side (non aloholic), have NCIS on (although may change it for a different crime show in a mo as I have seen this one several times!) and have a new drawing technique to master.

----------


## Pen

Oh and I forgot mention the M & M's and chocolate covered peanuts and raisins that I have to nibble all evening...

----------


## Paula

Sounds heavenly ...... You sound calmer, lovely x

----------


## Angie

You have done a lot but also there is a lot in there that you have done for yourself aswell

----------


## Pen

Oh I am a lot better. Main problem now is not getting carried away with adding more courses back in. Working on Zentangle drawings because I think it would be really cool to run zentangle based classes  :(rofl):  as well as just having fun doing them myself!

----------


## Paula

Good to hear  :):

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like you are spending an evening in the right way! It's lovely to hear you much more on an even keel lovely...

----------


## Pen

Been zentangling all evening and mastered 4 recognised patterns. However now I have a strained thumb... shame I could have carried on all night I was having so much fun. However back to work tomorrow. A kiln to empty, stuff to glaze and a class to run!

----------


## Amaya

It's really nice to read this and hear you so happy  :):

----------


## S deleted

You're sounding much better now than you were. Long may it continue.

----------


## Suzi

You do sound much brighter!

----------


## Pen

Wish I did not have to work tonight. Feeling really tired.

----------


## Paula

Do you have time for a cat nap?

----------


## Pen

No. Whilst out with the dog I realised why I was so tired. Apart from a bowl of cereal and a croissant and a handful of peanut m&ms I have had nothing to eat all day.

----------


## Paula

Ah, remedy that quick then

----------


## Pen

Yes. Just put myself around a mushroom, onion and cheese omelette and two slices of cheese and onion bread.

Feeling a lot better now.

----------


## Paula

Good x

----------


## Angie

Glad your feeling better hun x

----------


## Suzi

Brilliant that you've eaten hunni Hope the class went well lovely.

----------


## Pen

Yes it did. Love this evening course. Best payer I have, I make more on a Tuesday night than I make on Wednesday and Thursday together!

BTW. I have posted up photos of my zentangling on facebook but I dont think FB is feeding it out as only 12 people have been reached. Can you guys check if it has come up in your feeds?

----------


## Angie

I normally see your posts but didnt this time for some reason, it will be Facebook being its usual stupid self

----------


## Pen

It frustrates me that FB seem to pick and choose who out of my followers will get to see things and of course the only way to boost the post is to pay for it which in this case I dont want to do as it is not really an advert just an invitation for interested parties to come over for a coffee and an afternoon of drawing for no charge.

----------


## Angie

I wont pay to boost my posts either hun on my page

----------


## Paula

It came up on mine.  If your likers set their notification of your posts to 'see first' or whatever it's called, it does help

----------


## rose

> BTW. I have posted up photos of my zentangling on facebook but I dont think FB is feeding it out as only 12 people have been reached. Can you guys check if it has come up in your feeds?


I can see them on your page but I don't think I saw this in my feed. Usually I see your posts in my feed.
Did you set yourself up as a business on facebook yesterday so you could create ads?

----------


## Pen

I have been a business on FB since about January. I have done a few ads but I did do a paid boost yesterday to try and recruit more people for my Tuesday afternoon group.

----------


## rose

I wonder if doing a paid boost made it think it can get more money from you by not sharing your unpaid boosts as much?

----------


## Paula

How are you doing today, Pen?

----------


## Pen

Yes I wondered that Rose. 

Just run the afternoon art class. Only three of the six came, but it was a laugh. Now got the evening art group at 7 tonight, that will be OK as well as they started making sculptures in clay last time they came so need to finish them off.

Feeling OK at the moment, although I think I will have a cup of tea and a slice of cake, take the dog out then settle down to some drawing for a little while before the next class.

----------

Paula (14-10-15)

----------


## rose

You sound a lot better. I think cancelling the classes that weren't making you much money and were a headache to run was a good idea.

----------


## Suzi

You are doing well hun! Apparently the key on FB is to tag your page and get others to share it through networking etc....

----------


## Pen

The second time I posted basically the same message it has gone to over 100 people. I just dont know...

Sleeping may be tricky tonight... Home educators pottery tomorrow morning with 8 kids  :(sweat): .

----------


## Suzi

Are you not enjoying that group?

----------


## Pen

Shall we just say that they are challenging! 

I think tomorrow I will make autumn leaf bowls with them. Trouble is I only have 6 bowls I can use as moulds so may have to raid the kitchen cupboard!

----------


## magie06

Oh Pen, have a hug and try to relax.  :Panda:  :Panda:  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

It's late, find a way to switch off lovely - oo btw, am loving your pics you've posted on fb!

----------


## Pen

So tired tonight. I did think earlier that I would light the fire and curl up on the sofa, but now I am thinking PJ's, DVD in bed and drawing.
I was really struggling by the kids class this evening so I am really glad that the evening class tonight was cancelled. I did have a couple of people over to draw this afternoon thinking that it would be a nice social event, and it was, but I think I should have had the time to get some quiet space on my own. I dont seem to be able to cope with constant human interaction all day...

----------


## Paula

I'm the same, constant people is exhausting. You're right, please try to get some rest hunni

----------


## Suzi

Constant company is exhausting! Especially if you are teaching/leading all day!

----------


## Pen

Interesting twist in the tale tonight. It seems that M may come over to live in Weston. I may just have to persuade him that not having a branch of the Yorkshire Building society in WSM is not a deal breaker.

----------


## Angie

That sounds like a plan hun x

----------


## Paula

Which means hubby will live with you?

----------


## Pen

yyyyeeeesss.... Not entirely sure how I feel about that but that is the plan...

----------


## Pen

Ugggg... Its Friday. Not looking forward to this weekend. Timetable:-

*Saturday* 
10am One hour pottery Class
11:15 Desperate wash and change of clothes
11:20 Collect Dad and his GF
11:30 Meet the rest of the family (all 20 of them) at the resturant
1:00 Part with all my earnings for the week paying my share of the bill.
2:00 collapse in a darkened room and prepare for Sunday.

*Sunday*
12:45 Collect Dad and GF
1.00 Take to Helicopter museum and meet tour guide and walk round museum pushing Dad in a wheelchair
3.00 Take Dad up in helicopter
4.00 Collapse in darkened room.....

----------


## Paula

Just focus on that darkened room and you'll get through it  :O: . Honestly, Pen, you really don't do things by halves, do you? X

----------


## S deleted

I love the helicopter museum. I remember taking my eldest when he was younger.

----------


## Pen

The helicopter trip was meant to be last weekend but there was a technical problem and it was postponed to this week. Its a surprise and he knows nothing about it so I had to get hold of everyone and warn them not to pat him on the back and ask how it went!!

----------


## Suzi

We enjoyed the helicopter museum too... 

Hope it's not as stressful as it sounds love..

----------


## Pen

Just put up on Facebook the drawing that has been keeping me sane for the last few days  :(smirk):

----------


## rose

Just saw it, its awesome! You inspired me to try one the other night... yeh, its actually _way_ harder than I thought. Mine came out rubbish.

----------


## Suzi

That's beautiful!

----------


## Paula

Just seen it - stunning!

----------


## Pen

Arggg. Helicopter flight has been cancelled again!

----------


## Paula

Oh no  :(:

----------


## Pen

I though that with it cancelled I might be able to do something just for me... wrong.

Walked dog (twice)
unloaded and reloaded the kiln
Spent several hours with hubby online house hunting.

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart  :Panda:  Did you/he find anything possible?

----------


## Pen

Yes there are far more options available around here that would suit M quite well. I think he has decided that a bungalow maybe the best bet and there are 6 detached and semi detached bungalows that are quite close to us as well as the shops and doctors. He is going to go and discuss it with M. I have contacted the agents and asked them to send paper brochures that I can send over to them to have a look at. Hubby seems to be dis-attaching himself from the house slowly and is making plans for moving stuff over to this side of the river. I think he is growing to the idea of resettling here and seems to accepted that it is time for a new chapter in his families land and maybe even that he will be happier not having the stress of trying to keep the place up as he grows old and watching helplessly as it deteriorates.

Of course property hunting here will be much easier for both of us as we can look at places when hubby is here and he can then shortlist the ones he thinks M may like and then we can bring him over to do a viewing of the best ones.

----------

Paula (18-10-15)

----------


## Angie

That sounds like a good plan hun x

----------


## Pen

Got a new course starting tomorrow afternoon. Managed to get 3 people together paying top whack so it is going to be a profitable day. However at the moment I am feeling really down again. I am just so tired. However lots to get done so I will have to push myself.

On a lighter note, I have discussed before about how Hubby and eating out dont go together, well of course on Saturday we had this big family meal together there was about 19 people. At the end we split the bill so that Dad and his GF did not have to pay and it came to £18 a head including all drinks (and I think H had about 3 vodkas) and a tip which I thought was good. Hubby however could not stop grumbling about how expensive it was.

----------


## Paula

Once the course is done, rest. Anything else can wait, including paperwork

----------


## Suzi

OO I hope they do move closer to you! That would make things easier for you a bit wouldn't it?

----------


## Pen

No classes today. Its my "day off" just been doing the accounts, then I when I have moved myself and got washed and dressed I have to pay the cash into the bank and pickup more clay and walk the dog. Then I need to fire the kiln, finish planting up my planters, tidy up the studio (upstairs and down), clean the house and glaze my work (including a certain nativity scene). Then I need to practise making Christmas decorations ready for next weeks class.

Then I need to sit down and write up my notes about lesson contents to remind me in the future what I have done.

----------


## Pen

> OO I hope they do move closer to you! That would make things easier for you a bit wouldn't it?


It would make life so much easier for all of us.

----------


## Suzi

You also need to find some time to REST!! It's a DAY OFF!

----------


## Paula

I'm so with Suzi, lovely. Please, please rest!

----------


## rose

Re the restaurant post.... £18 a head sounds like a bargain!

----------


## Pen

Right, I have fired the kiln, done the accounts, taken two bookings, taken Ember to the pet shop to get a new hi vis jacket, done the banking, visited Dad, walked Ember in the park, gone to get clay (none in stock so will need to go on Thursday and hope I have enough in till then). cleared out two planters and planted up 14, dead headed the pansies and watered the garden. 
I now feel dizzy, and you all will say "serves me right!!"

----------


## Suzi

Have you eaten anything?

----------


## Paula

Get yourself food and drink and sit down!

----------


## Pen

Had a toasted bagel with cream cheese and a lie down for an hour. Guess I had better take Ember out now.

----------


## Paula

> Had a toasted bagel with cream cheese and a lie down for an hour. Guess I had better take Ember out now.


Lol, I suppose that counts  :O:

----------


## Pen

Well H is cooking dinner now. I have just lit the fire and intend to settle down to some drawing tonight.

----------


## Suzi

Glad someone is looking after you!

----------


## Pen

Well she has cooked dinner, but all the washing up is mine. She did not get paid last week as she did not do anything in the studio. I had to do all the clearing up, washing tools and sweeping and washing the floor.

----------


## Suzi

Did she just not bother or has she got/looking for another job?

----------


## Pen

Not bother. She was having bad period pains and had a new copy of The Sims so hardly left her sitting room all week.

----------


## Suzi

That doesn't help you though and I can't see any other employers take that kind of behaviour..

----------


## Pen

I know, but she is 22 she has to take charge of her own life. If she does not work she does not get paid so sooner or later she will run out of cash! I am considering seeing if I can get a youngster to come and help me out. Someone willing to learn how to do pottery tasks such as glazing, mixing slips and making as well as the floor washing. I was thinking I could probably pay someone £25 a week to help out and if I took a kid for one hour a day after school (Tuesday - Friday) and two hours on Saturday I may be able to get someone more reliable!

----------


## Suzi

Sounds promising...

----------


## rose

That sounds like a good plan to me!

----------


## Pen

Maybe a good plan but I dont think I can do it. H is unhappy about me sacking her and wants to carry on doing the cleaning.

----------


## Pen

Is it still Tuesday?

----------


## Suzi

Yup still Tuesday.... It's fine if she's actually going to do it..

----------


## Paula

Pen, why isn't she looking for full time jobs? Or study?

----------


## Pen

Paula I have given up nagging. She lacks drive is basically the problem. She has ideas about what she will do but then they fizzle out as soon as she has to apply herself. She was going to make vegan scented candles and sell them, but she has not made any for weeks as she says that she needs to sort out the allergen labeling, but she has made no effort to do so. Last year she wanted to take an online course to train as a professional in the aquatic care market and even bought a laptop and was given £500 to do it by the carers organisation but that never happened. The laptop broke down after 2 months but she could not be bothered to take it back to the shop. It drives me NUTS but if I say anything she just gets upset and nothing changes so I have decided that she is an adult and its her life.

----------


## Suzi

Yup, it is her life and she has to make the mistakes herself, but it must be so frustrating!

----------


## Pen

Well two courses done. They were very enjoyable but I am exhausted now. Two art classes tomorrow. Getting closer to the Thursday evening class that I am dreading...

----------


## Angie

Glad that you have had a good class hun x

----------


## Suzi

Why do you dread the Thursday evening course?

----------


## Pen

Because its an intermediate to advanced art class and I just dont have the skills to teach it. I wanted it to be a club where everyone brings their own work and helps each other but they are all expecting a class. I am waiting for a friend of mine to come and see me to discuss taking it over but if she doesn't then I will have to end it I think.

Mind you at the moment I am feeling so crap I am thinking of ending everything.

----------


## Suzi

I've seen some of your work and I'd definitely say you have the skills to teach it!

----------


## Pen

Not 2D work at that level. I am fine with my beginners groups as I don't feel that they expect a huge amount. They are just delighted to be able to have a go at various different types of art and materials. I have a couple of people who have discovered a love for a new medium because I gave them the opportunity to try it out in my class. But with the intermediate group they already know everything that I do and are expecting me to teach them something else.

----------


## Paula

If you said this was a pooling ideas workshop, not a teaching one, then talk to them about it - give them the option to not go

----------


## Pen

I have come up with an idea whilst I was walking Ember just now. I am going to ask them to find a photograph that they would like to recreate and then over the next few weeks set them the challenge of "painting" it with various mediums, pastels, acrylics, watercolours, inks, collage etc. A different medium each week. That should keep them occupied for a few weeks!

----------


## Suzi

That sounds like a brilliant idea!

----------


## Paula

See, you can teach them  :):

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a great idea hun x

----------


## Pen

Well my friend took the class tonight and we had a laugh. They were all up for what she had planned and we all got in a frightful mess. Pictures going up on Facebook shortly!

----------

Paula (23-10-15)

----------


## Suzi

Awesome! Glad it's all sorted lovely!

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a lot of fun has been had x

----------


## Pen

It was. I love my job. But why first thing in the morning do I feel so low and suicidal?

----------


## rose

Its always worse in the morning (for me anyway). That feeling of dread that a whole day stretches before you, a day to fill with fun and purpose. Do you have any classes today?

----------


## Pen

Yes but I am thinking I will have to cancel it. Firstly my friend who helps with this class is ill and secondly whilst I was out with the dog I fell headlong into the main road. Luckily the car that was coming had enough room to stop so nothing hit me, but my knees and elbows took the force of the blow and my right hand is throbbing and my left arm is almost useless. Nothing is broken, I am just very shook up. I have no idea why I fell, I can only assume I must have caught my toe on something as I started to cross the road. This is the second fall I have had this month, I fell on the decking a few weeks back when it was wet and slippery. I know that both these were accidents but I am now scared of falling again.  :S:

----------


## Paula

Did you cancel your class? Something like that is very frightening and you'll need to rest ((hugs))

----------


## Pen

I have tried to cancel it but there is one person I cant get hold of. I will let her come if she turns up, she is no bother and she can quietly glaze her frog and rabbit...

----------


## rose

My MIL has decking and quite frankly is treacherous when it gets wet. I am sure they are both unrelated accidents. Unless you are feeling light-headed or dizzy?

----------


## Angie

Hunni rest up now xxx

----------


## Pen

I have spent most of the day in bed. When ever I stand up I feel dizzy and faint. Just cooked Ember and me dinner. She so wants me to take her out but I just cant face going out there. I have lit the fire and plan to spend the evening on the sofa. I rang hubby earlier and asked him to collect my meds on his way over tonight as I did not feel I was safe enough to drive the car up to the chemist.

----------


## Paula

Hunni, do you think you could see a dr?

----------


## Pen

I'm sure its just shock and I will be fine by the morning.

----------


## rose

Is your arm still hurting?  :(bear):

----------


## Paula

> I'm sure its just shock and I will be fine by the morning.


Is H around tonight?

----------


## Pen

> Is your arm still hurting?


My shoulder is.. I think I have pulled a muscle.

----------


## Pen

> Is H around tonight?


She has been out but has just got back.

----------


## Paula

Sweetie, if you're feeling rough, don't be stubborn, please ask for help  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

I think I will be fine by morning. I will have to be I have 2 kids groups!

----------


## Paula

How are you feeling this morning?

----------


## Suzi

Oh Pen! I hate falling, it makes everything seem so scary. I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning.  But if you're feeling dizzy and faint I really think you should think about seeing a Dr. Same with your arm if it still hurts?

----------


## Pen

Im ok this morning. A bit bruised and battered and sneezing is painful but otherwise I am fine.

----------


## Suzi

Aw hunni!  :Panda:  :Panda:

----------


## magie06

Good luck with your classes today. I'll be thinking of you while you get through them.

----------


## Paula

:(bear):  I was worried so am glad you're ok, if a bit bruised

----------


## Pen

Classes went OK, although I was sort of hoping that no one would turn up for the 11:30, but it was fine as they had a load of stuff to glaze. My knees are turning interesting shades of green, blue and purple. :(rofl): 

Waiting for hubby to come home so I can cook his dinner... Do the clocks change tonight?

----------


## Paula

Clocks change, I'm hoping there was a hiccup with Back to the Future day and we'll be going back to 1985  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Yup they go back tonight! An extra hour in bed! Hoorah! 

So glad your classes went well lovely x

----------


## Pen

Well the weather here is clear and bright. Hopefully we will finally be able to get this helicopter thing for Dad done and out of the way!

----------


## Angie

Hope it goes ahead hun and that you all have fun x

----------


## Pen

Just back from my walk with Ember
<a href="http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/media/WP_20151025_09_55_48_Pro_zpsuzfffllj.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/af219/penny_price1/WP_20151025_09_55_48_Pro_zpsuzfffllj.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo WP_20151025_09_55_48_Pro_zpsuzfffllj.jpg"/></a>

Now shall I tidy the studio or try and drum up more business for tomorrow (whilst trying not to lose it with the idiots who respond), or do some drawing. Trouble with the clocks changing is I still wake up at the old time and of course Ember still expects to get fed and walked at the old times so I was in the park at 9:30 this morning. It was great, missed the bulk of the dog walkers.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds fab!!

----------


## Pen

Just had another fall. I had a feeling that there would be 3. Hopefully that has broken the jinx.

----------


## S deleted

That really doesn't sound good. Have you spoken to the doctor about these falls?

----------


## Pen

> That really doesn't sound good. Have you spoken to the doctor about these falls?


No. No point really. Hubby came in with three new pots for the garden, I got off the sofa in a hurry excited to see them, not realising that my foot was numb and when I went to stand on it it was not there and I fell over.  :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Are you ok? Anymore bruises?

----------


## Pen

Twisted my ankle and added another bruise on my right knee. I am starting to look like a modern art work!

----------


## Angie

oh hun take it steady and easy right now x

----------


## Paula

:(:  try to rest up, lovely

----------


## Pen

Can't rest got to take dad to the helicopter museum for his tour and flight.

----------


## Paula

I hope he loves it, lovely

----------


## Pen

He had a great time. My friend who works there did us proud. Our guide was waiting outside to meet us, he gave us a great tour Dad loved it (at times I did get a little bored but all the same I did learn a lot), then we had a lovely cup of tea and cake in the cafe where I broke the news to him that he was going up in a helicopter. My friend turned up at that moment and escorted us to the field and found a chair for Dad and his GF to sit on and watch as we waited for his turn. He got to sit alongside the pilot and he had a headset so he could talk to the pilot and hear the commentry between the pilot and the ground. The only thing that was not great was that the flight was very short, but he and his GF (who was most reluctant to go) came off the helicopter beaming from ear to ear and they could not stop talking about it. We visited the gift shop and I bought him a model helicopter (he collects Die Cast models) and we got a model of a Vulcan Bomber which he also really wanted. I then took us all to Pizza Hut where we had some dinner.

He was DELIGHTED with his day as was his GF.

He

----------

rose (25-10-15)

----------


## magie06

Fantastic, sound like such a brilliant afternoon. Now go to bed.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like a wonderful day!

----------


## Pen

Only thing that spoiled it was that shortly after we arrived I got a migraine and could hardly see for the first hour.

----------


## Angie

I'm so glad that it was a successful day and your Dad and his GF had a good time, I hope that migraine cleared quickly hun, make sure you rest now x

----------


## Pen

I think I will go off to bed now, the migraine along with the fall and the trip has wiped me out and I have a class at 10 tomorrow. I have been advertising all day but I only have three people coming which is quite good really especially as two of them have been quite a bit before so I wont have to do too much really.

----------


## Suzi

Hope it lifts really really soon lovely.

----------


## magie06

Night Pen. Take it easy and see you tomorrow.

----------


## Paula

Night hunni, and I hope you get rid of the migraine quickly

----------


## Suzi

Hope it's lifted?

----------


## Pen

That one lifted then whilst I was teaching a kid how to make a minion today another one came on. I had to struggle on barely able to see but the two kids did not notice so that is fine.

----------


## Paula

You're amazing!

----------


## Suzi

Minions? You make Minions? Why did you not notify me of this?
Sorry, got sidetracked! Hope it's lifted and you've been resting...

----------


## Pen

I make anything that the kids want. Today it was a minion. We made one together. I made one alongside her. I dont know that it is very good and its not finished but do you want to see a picture of it?

Did get a couple of hours in bed as I was so wiped out by the migraine but then took Ember up to Ashcombe Park, did some washing and spent a few hours relearning how to make paper decorations and getting very frustrated with paper snowflakes.... In the end came in and cooked myself a huge dinner. 

Bit concerned about the migraines as I have not had any for ages and to have three in 4 days is unusual.

----------


## Suzi

I LOVE minions! Yes please! I'd love to see a picture! 

Could there be something triggering your migraines? Different coffee? Not enough water?

----------


## rose

Another vote to see the minions please.

----------


## Pen

As I said it is still in work  :(blush): 

<a href="http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/media/WP_20151026_19_54_46_Pro_zpskxztcgqm.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/af219/penny_price1/WP_20151026_19_54_46_Pro_zpskxztcgqm.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo WP_20151026_19_54_46_Pro_zpskxztcgqm.jpg"/></a>

----------


## Pen

http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...pskxztcgqm.jpg

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Paula (26-10-15)

----------


## S deleted

cool!

----------


## rose

haha, brilliant!

----------


## magie06

Cool! Well done. I like the tall one. But that is really brilliant.

----------


## Suzi

That's so brilliant and so happy! Makes me smile!

----------


## Pen

Got another migraine now.

----------


## magie06

Can you go somewhere in the dark and lie down?

----------


## rose

Are you getting the funny marks in your eyesight and stuff like that?

----------


## Pen

Oh yes. It starts as a sort of flickering on the edge of my vision then gradually creeps across my sight till it is like looking through a frosted window. I dont get any pain then that comes after my vision has cleared and I am thankful to say that it becomes just an annoying headache rather than the crippling agony I know some people get.
I have no idea what is triggering them at the moment. Nothing has changed, I have not changed my diet or habits in any way.

----------


## S deleted

Ok I really think you should see your doctor cos with the migraines and falls I wonder if there is a link.

----------


## Pen

Can't take the time off work this week to try and get an appointment. However I have decided that if I have another fall I will try and see someone.

----------


## Suzi

I really think you should book an appointment lovely..

----------


## Paula

I don't think you should wait, lovely.  It all seems to be too much of a coincidence that the falls and migraine start up at the same time

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## Pen

I know, but I really cannot take time off this week, its half term and I need to make some extra money to get me through the next few months!

I have two classes today one at 1 and one at 7, in between I need to check I have everything ready for tomorrow.
Two classes tomorrow. One at 10 and one at 7
Three classes Thursday 10, 2 and 7
Two classes Friday 10 and 2.

In between the classes I need to prep, I just dont have time to spend trying to get through to the doctors and even less to spend hours sitting in the waiting room... But if I am no better by Monday I promise I will try and get an appointment then.  :(wasntme):

----------


## Suzi

Are you having any help with the classes/prep/clearing up?

----------


## Pen

H is doing the cleaning/clearing up.

----------


## Paula

If you feel any worse/fall again, please go to a&e, lovelt

----------


## Angie

I agree with Paula hunni, and am glad that H is helping x

----------


## rose

Hey Pen, how are you doing? Have you been migraine-free today?

----------


## Pen

So far no migraines and no falls.  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

Hoorah!!!!

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## Paula

How are you today?

----------


## Pen

Had a really bad migraine 20 minutes before the class, which was a bummer as I really needed to keep my wits about me with this class.

----------


## rose

I am going to be really annoying now and say I really think you need to see someone...

----------


## Suzi

I think so too.

----------


## S deleted

I think so 3

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## Paula

Yup, please go today ......

----------


## Angie

Hun did you manage to get to the gp or A&E?

----------


## Pen

No. Too much to do.

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## Paula

Nothing is more important than your health.  Please go to the hospital. When you look over what's happened since your fall, it may worry you as much as it's worrying me

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Angie (28-10-15)

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## Pen

I'm fine.  :(nod):  I think that it was the stress of getting everything ready this morning that triggered this mornings incident. I had a kip at lunch time and now I am firing on all cylinders. 
I have a number of people coming tonight for my art class so I have to teach that. I promise I will make an appointment on my day off on Monday.

----------


## rose

Pen, you know your body better than anyone. 
Do you wear glasses, could it be you need an eye test?

----------


## Pen

I do wear glasses, so maybe that is the issue.

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## Suzi

I hope you're planning some rest lovely...

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## Pen

Going to bed shortly to watch an episode of Criminal Minds and do some drawing.
Art Class went well tonight, I managed to sell 9 sheets of handmade wrapping paper that I have had in the attic since 2009 :-) Still got half a box to go but its a start. I think I paid about £200 for the box and so far in six years I think I have sold twenty sheets  :(rofl): , Now would like to just get back what I paid for it so selling at £1 a sheet.

Rest??? Whats that? Three classes tomorrow. Two kids groups (Expecting 13 kids across the two groups) and then the Intermediate Adult Art Group in the evening. Hoping to be migraine free tomorrow as I wont have much time to have a kip!

----------


## Suzi

Glad you had a good class!

----------


## Pen

Had a bad night last night, I was drawing tangles at 3:30 this morning... But seem to be OK at the moment.

----------


## Paula

Try to rest when you can, please  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Your nativity is out of the kiln, pictures on FB. not sure you will be happy with it and I can always make another one. Bear in mind that the star and Jesus will be gilded in 23crt gold leaf which I have not done yet.

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## Paula

Gorgeous! Exactly what I hoped for  :):

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## Pen

Which one? left or right?

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## S deleted

They are rather impressive

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## Paula

> Which one? left or right?


Left.

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## Paula

> They are rather impressive


She's so talented  :):

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## Angie

They are lovely hun x

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## Pen

> Left.


That was the one I had earmarked as for you.  :(rofl):  The Mary figure is more reddy brown than the picture shows, but once they are guilded I will get some better shots to make sure you are happy before I send it off.

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Paula (29-10-15)

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## Suzi

Those nativity sets are beautiful!

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## Pen

:(blush):  gee thanks.. They have a base layer of gold paint on the star and Jesus ready to be gilded tomorrow. Trouble is I suspect I could sell about 10 of them but I need to find the time to make them. One of my customers last night (who is a bit of a wag) asked me "are you sleeping" when I said yes he said "Ah that is where you are going wrong!"
I did think that about gilding them tonight before I go to bed but then I decided that working with gold leaf at £1 for a 2 inch square sheet of gold that is thinner than a piece of tissue paper was not something I should do when I was tired!

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## Paula

Please get some sleep, hunni, that's more important than gilding

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## Pen

RIGHT!
One class at 10 with 4 people
One class at 2 with 3 people
Two nativity sets to gild.
Try and make 4 more
Do the shopping.....

Can I go back to bed please?????

----------


## Suzi

Hope you got some rest lovely!

----------


## Pen

Yes I slept from 1 till 7.  :(rofl):

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## Paula

I suppose that's an improvement ....

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## Pen

Not very good tonight. I made 4 more nativity sets this afternoon as well as load of other work such as unloading and reloading the kiln. Feeling very anxious about driving up to see my son in Bristol tomorrow. I hate driving in town now and actually I hate leaving the house at all apart from to walk the dog.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:  will hubby be with you?

----------


## Pen

no. ...

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart!  :Panda:  :Panda:

----------


## Pen

Well I managed it. It was a nightmare drive up as the sat nav took me into the city but we got there and watched a movie played Cluedo and had a Chinese.

Last night  I gave Ember a special biscuit as a treat to make up for being out most of the day however she decided to"bury" it. She tried to get it under the rug,then under a plastic bag of rubbish then round the back of the chair but finally settled for wrapping it up in the duvet and tucking it under my feet.

I have arranged to visit two bungalows this week and sus them out for M. Both are fairly close.

I had a visit this morning from my "reporting officer/care coordinator" finally. I was supposed to see her in August.... She brought another lady with her who discussed where we go from here. The view was that I no longer had a diagnosis of BPD it was now an emotional disorder. However she also thought that I had basically cured myself and that there was not much they could do at the moment although she did give me some information about how to access services should I need to in the future. They are going to try and liaise with my surgery to get a named GP assigned to me and regular appointments to monitor the situation then discharge me back to the GP.

----------


## rose

Did you speak to them about being referred back to the psychiatrist by your GP last month?

I am glad the trip went well... a bit sad your hubby didn't go too. You are so good to them, checking out places for them to live.

----------


## Pen

Yes I did, they did not seem to know anything about it.

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## Suzi

Your story about Ember made me smile as Casey spent 20 mins "burying" her treat in the rug on Saturday! She then "found" it about an hour later whilst we were all trying to not find it, kick it or move it! 

Are you disappointed by the care visit? It's great that they no longer feel that you need them, but with the change in diagnosis all seems a little late to have been of use. I also think it's premature to be saying that you've "cured yourself" when you were in crisis not long ago.

----------


## Pen

No I dont think I am disappointed. If they can get my GP practise to be more responsive then I may actually get better care anyway. As I am doing so well a crisis now would have to last more than two weeks to be considered any more than a wobble, and I managed it anyway successfully so they did not feel that they were needed.

----------


## Suzi

Brilliant! I hope that they do get your GP to be better use for you x

----------


## Paula

I think you're right, you'll have better access to support if you're GP gets on board. Youre doing so well  :):

----------


## Pen

Just having a main GP would be a start!

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Paula (03-11-15)

----------


## Pen

Another day, another dollar. Feel like I am wading through mud at the moment. Yesterday morning I put two lots of sweeteners in my tea, put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. Nearly did the same this morning....

Been out to see two bungalows. One of which I feel maybe perfect, not only as home for M but also as an investment for the future or possibly somewhere for me to retire to in 20 or 30 years  :(rofl): .

----------


## Suzi

That sounds positive! 
I often put things in the wrong places!

----------


## S deleted

I lost my phone once and found it in the fridge. Figure that out

----------


## shiro

I have a bad habit of going to put the milk in the cupboard or the cereal in the fridge...in my defence it's usually 5.30AM in the morning though so I feel I'm let off for this.

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Pen (04-11-15)

----------


## Paula

Pen, hunni. Are you getting enough sleep?

And the bungalow sounds positive  :):

----------


## Pen

Well last night i slept from 12 till 1 and then 1:30 till 8:30 so I think so.

Yes it is certainly on the shortlist, it ticks a lot of boxes. Saw one this morning that we had to turn down as it was too nice  :(rofl):  H and I just could not see M living there it would have been too much of a culture shock. I bet that was the first time the agent has had to tell a vendor that their house was too good for a viewer. I bet the poor owner is thinking "we just cant win!!"
Had one place come through tonight which I dont think even M could have lived in!
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...FromEmail=true

----------


## Paula

Pmsl.

----------


## Pen

It starts off so promising, then you get to the kitchen and goes downhill from there! There must be a basic solvable issue with the damp as these 1930's places were actually build quite well so someone who is prepared to do the work may get a bargain!

----------


## rose

Lick o' Paint lol. 
Roof looks solid, I wonder where the kitchen damp (edit: all the damp!) is coming from.
The views are great from the back....

----------


## Pen

Yes I suspect that the damp course has been compromised and probably fairly easy to put right, however I would be concerned about the joists and floorboards!

----------


## S deleted

It up for auction so if you went along and secured it at the right price you could get the work done easy enough.

----------


## Pen

No I need somewhere he could move into and on the flat.

----------


## Suzi

OO it did start promisingly... Then.. Wow, that's a lot of work!

----------


## Paula

And, is that non standard construction I see at the back?

----------


## Pen

No I think it was built like that :-)

This is the place that I am thinking may be suitable.
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-...-51859231.html

I walked from the bungalow to the shops and it took 3 minutes on the flat.

----------


## Paula

That's looks promising

----------


## Suzi

I think it looks fab!

----------


## Pen

When I got there the agent said "I should just warn you that it needs some work" When I had been round I asked "So what is the work that needs doing?" She said that other people who had been round all felt that the place needed gutting but although the place had woodchip on the hall wall and the kitchen cupboards were probably put in a long time ago everything was clean and nicely painted and I felt that being a little dated would suit M better than an ultra modern place.

----------


## Angie

It does look a nice house hunni x

----------


## Pen

Having done two days of work I now dont want to work anymore this week..... I wish I could get away with a two day week.

Went out for coffee with a friend who I met through the kids classes who helps me out on a Thursday morning. Whilst I love going out for a coffee with a friend why do I always feel sort of dirty afterwards and feel like I have said too much? Just want to retreat into my shell now feeling ashamed.

----------


## Suzi

What have you said to be feeling like this?

----------


## Paula

I am very sure you've not said anything to be ashamed off.  Do you want to talk about it?

----------


## Pen

No there is nothing I have said really. We talked about pottery, cross stitch, kids, parents. Its just that I am always afraid that I will not handle the social interaction correctly and maybe hog the conversation, or get too OTT and scare people off. I have so few friends as I seem to scare off people. Once people really get to know me they seem not to want to have anything to do with me anymore and so I am scared of losing this new friend and when we part I am worried that I may have done or said something that upset them.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## rose

I always dissect what I've said to people if I've been out. I am scared I hog the conversation, or I am boring, or I've said something inappropriate. Is it something like that?

----------


## Suzi

I'm sure you were fine hunni  :Panda:  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

> I always dissect what I've said to people if I've been out. I am scared I hog the conversation, or I am boring, or I've said something inappropriate. Is it something like that?


Oh yes, just like that.

----------


## Pen

Well she has just messaged me to thank me for a wonderful morning so hopefully I was OK.

----------

Paula (05-11-15)

----------


## Paula

:): ....

----------


## rose

Hey Pen, how are you doing?

----------


## Pen

I'm fine. Very tired (as usual). Very busy (as usual).

----------


## Suzi

Hello lovely! I'm glad you're fine - but is that genuinely fine or just fine on the surface?

----------


## Pen

Getting by, day by day. As usual there is so much that has to be done. Not had much time off over the last few days. Had to unload and reload the kiln yesterday and today has been a day of admin. Updating my website and Facebook, doing the accounts and banking, buying clay, doing a bit of promotion, getting some photos of work out of the kiln, wrapping up work for posting and then doing the posting. The studio is a tip at the moment so H and I will be busy in the morning preparing for the afternoon group. Not had any time to work on the other 4 nativity sets I have on the go at the moment. Have a nasty suspicion that that I will not get them finished in time for Christmas.

----------


## Suzi

I'm sure you will get them finished hunni. When's your next day off or time away from the business?

----------


## Pen

Sunday.

----------


## Suzi

Do you have anything nice planned?

----------


## Pen

Nope. Putting up Hubbies shed.

----------


## Paula

Can you try to get some me time in there?

----------


## Pen

Just want to die this morning

----------


## Suzi

Why? Has something happened?

----------


## Pen

No just feeling low.

----------


## rose

:Panda:

----------


## Paula

:(bear):  anything that's triggered that? Your post seemed to come out of nowhere .......

----------


## Suzi

You haven't posted for a few days... What's been happening?

----------


## Pen

Just been busy. Had two "special" classes today. This morning had a group from an art club I used to go to for people with MH issues. Part the reason I stopped going was one particular person who I dislike. I cant put my finger on why, its not that he is very negative, I can cope with that its just he is... well.. oily... smarmy... a bit of a negative know it all and some how he manages to put my heckles up. Anyway he and the rest came they had a good time but of course he was the last to go and I was stuck with him....
This afternoon was the blind group. I think it went OK. 
The weather here is horrible. I have not taken Ember out as everytime I think it has stopped raining, 10 minutes later its hailing or chucking large lumps of water out of the sky. Its typical for WSM. Tonight is the towns carnaval night. We have huge lit floats (complete with their own generators) and it goes on for hours, but it always seems to rain and the wind blow. The last time I went (which was some years ago) the rain was horizontal!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=483l94HV3XM

There is a great float at 1:56 minutes

----------


## rose

Do you think maybe now you're working and earning and not really spending much time on yourself, that you get low and fed up with life?
I know the phrase 'Do something nice for you' gets thrown around a lot, but I think its really important to do this when you're feeling low.

----------


## Suzi

I'm wondering if you are spending too much time working too. Your work/life balance seems a little off itms?

----------


## Paula

Yep, I agree with Rose and Suzi, starting a business up is hard work and anyone doing it has to put in some hours but you really, really need to make some time for you  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

I know. I do get a bit of time between classes. I am planning starting a new class in the next few weeks plus I have the Stroke people starting next Friday.

----------


## Suzi

That's fantastic for the business, but when are you planning in time for you?

----------


## Pen

Well I have Sunday and Monday...

----------


## Paula

How many hours a day are you working, lovely?

----------


## Pen

Not sure. Let me think..

----------


## Suzi

Working also means time tidying, preparing, advertising, facebook promotions etc etc....

----------


## S deleted

> Well I have Sunday and Monday...


I thought Monday was admin day? It way be a day off from taking classes but it's still work

----------


## Pen

At the moment I think I spend:
16.5 hours teaching
9 hours preparing classes
8 hours studio maintenance (loading unloading kiln, making slips and glazes etc)
10 hours advertising
So about 43 hours a week. But some weeks it may be more if I have to say make up more glazes or recycle clay.

----------


## rose

Its not excessive then..... if the "normal" working week is 35-40 hours per week.

----------


## Pen

No not really.

----------


## Suzi

But are those really the hours you work? I bet if you recorded it accurately then you'd be shocked - try it this week...

----------

Paula (13-11-15)

----------


## Pen

Yes I did use to use a time tracker but I have not had time to use it recently  :(blush):  

I admit I have spent a lot of time tonight fielding FB as I asked if anyone would be interested in a Sat afternoon session. I am up to 25 people now who would like to come.....
When Hubby found out he was "really???? do you have time to fit another class in? you have a pile of work to do each week around the classes you have!"

----------


## Paula

Use the time tracker - including those times you're sitting in the living room and sketching etc. And your hubby's got a point ....

----------


## Pen

Ah, yes... I dont count drawing/sketching/working on my own art work as "work"....

----------


## Paula

But it's your job, right? You sell your pieces? All these things add up, lovely, and you need to take care of yourself. But I think you've got that point  :O: . Btw, I showed some friends my nativity piece and they loved it!

----------


## Pen

Well tbh I dont sell much :-) Most of what I make is used as examples to show people what they can make. My drawings are not art, they are just doodles and I dont intend to try and sell them and not sure what you would classify the christmas cards I am making!

----------


## Pen

Last night when I asked people if they would like a pottery session on a Saturday afternoon I got 25 responses! .... Dont know what to do now!

----------


## S deleted

But showing interest is one thing, turning up is another

----------


## rose

Can you run two: 1-2.30 and 3-4.30?

----------


## Pen

Stella- I can only take 8 and two have already semi booked so I think I could get the numbers  :(rofl):  I think I would throw open a booking page and get people to pay up front. The first ones to book and pay get the places!

Crumbs Rose you are a slave driver! That would mean I was teaching from 09:50-11:05 then clearing up for 20 minutes, teaching from 11:25- 12:40 then clearing up for 20 minutes teaching from 1-2:35 clearing up for 20 minutes and teaching from 2:55-4:30.  No time for lunch or even a cup of tea! Glad you're not my manager!! I think H would have a breakdown if I told her we only had 20 minutes break between 4 classes

----------


## rose

Hahahahaha..... I think the people I've managed would agree with you!
I like the idea of paying upfront and creating a bit of competition for places  :):

----------


## Suzi

I like the idea of paying upfront too! That means that if only 4 people turned up then you'd still be ok financially...

----------


## S deleted

> I think I would throw open a booking page and get people to pay up front. The first ones to book and pay get the places!


Sounds like a perfect plan, maybe add a booking fee or cancellation fee, to cover you

----------


## Paula

I think that's a great idea!

----------


## Pen

OK I admit it. I may have underestimated my working hours... Today has been 10 and a half hours....

----------


## Paula

I'm glad you've realised it, now you have to find a way to reduce your hours, lovely

----------


## Pen

mmmm already done one hour 10 minutes  :(rofl):

----------


## S deleted

So much for sunday being a day off

----------


## Suzi

Definitely keep a record this week lovely. I'm sure you be surprised at how much you work....

----------


## Pen

Discovered this afternoon that the college, which was advertising a new evening pottery class run by my old tutor was cancelled. I dont know why, maybe they were charging too much  :(rofl):  However that was the only advertised competition I had in Weston. They only put the course in the schedule after I started discussing running my own classes. I dont know if that was a coincidence or not.

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## rose

If you get any more classes booked in you're going to need another teacher... and another studio.... oh, I can see this getting out of hand!  :O:

----------


## Pen

The head of the course said at one of my presentations that not only would my plans work but that I would end up expanding using other teachers. He said that I would need to be careful about maintaining my quality.
Teachers I may be able to find. Location for the courses is harder.... I wonder if I can use the college???

----------


## Paula

> The head of the course said at one of my presentations that not only would my plans work but that I would end up expanding using other teachers. He said that I would need to be careful about maintaining my quality.
> Teachers I may be able to find. Location for the courses is harder.... I wonder if I can use the college???


When the time comes, I'm sure it'll be worth asking

----------


## Pen

Does watching the British Pottery throwdown count as work????

----------


## Suzi

Are you watching it for your own personal enjoyment or for ideas for work?  :):

----------


## Pen

Bit of both. Mainly to check that I knew what they had done before my students started to ask questions!

----------


## Paula

Erm .....  :O:

----------


## Pen

Not good today. Only just got up, showered and dressed. Ember has been a love, she has not fussed about going out at all. I am feeling very agraphobic, I have just rung Dad and told him I am not very well so wont be visiting him today mainly as I cant face getting in the car to drive anywhere but I have not told him that. I feel like I have a bit of a fever.

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni, I hope that it's nothing horrible...

----------


## Pen

No I think its just exhaustion....

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## S deleted

Best cure for exhaustions is REST!!!

----------


## Pen

Been trying  :^): 

Only done just over an hours work.
Walked Ember for 40 minutes. Rest of time been asleep, on the computer or drawing.

----------


## Paula

That's progress I hope

----------


## Suzi

Good for you!

----------


## Pen

OK up to 4 hours work now....

----------


## Pen

Ah scratch that last comment two hours was recorded doing drawing.

----------


## Suzi

But that was your day off!!

----------


## Paula

*sighs* you haven't quite got the idea of a job that works around you. Have you?  :O:

----------


## Pen

No. I think that my work is my life really  :(blush): 
However having a quiet day yesterday was good. I was a lot better this morning. Lectured for an hour on clay this afternoon.... I think they survived without getting too bored!  :(: 
So tonight, might have 9 people so need to plan where they are all going to sit when I only have 8 spaces! Considering dumping the "intermediate" art class on a Thursday and making it another pottery class. At the moment if everyone comes (5 people) I make £25. If it was a pottery class and I have 3 people I make £45, If I fill it like the Tuesday evening group that would be a minimum of £96 and possibly as much as £120.

----------


## Suzi

Wow, definitely go with the pottery class!

----------


## Pen

Yes made £105 (turnover) in one class tonight.

Compare that to the £30 I expect to make in two classes tomorrow...

Numbers are dropping on the art classes as well so it makes sense to try and combine the art classes into just two groups.

----------


## Suzi

That's much better!

----------


## Pen

Right... Art day today, guess I had better get up and get dressed!

----------


## Suzi

Hope you have a good day lovely.

----------


## Pen

Another migraine arrrgggg.

----------


## Pen

Phew. A cup tea, hot crumpets with lots of butter and homemade raspberry jam and two paracetamols seems to have seen it off.

Had a nasty fright this morning. Sitting in my bedroom earlier, hair wet and on end end from towel drying, in my underwear cutting my toe nails when the delivery man came with my glazes and clay. H was in the studio, so had to open the door having thrown on my bath robe. He must have thought "its 11 in the morning and she is still not dressed!!"

----------


## Paula

Lol my postmen see me in my dressing gown most days  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Glad you got rid of the migraine lovely. 
My postie has seen me in my pjs! Poor bloke!

----------


## Pen

I've been good today. Done just over 8 hours work. 

Busy day tomorrow though. Home ed kids in the morning, kids group after school and then the intermediate art group (where I will break it to them that I am changing the day).

----------


## Suzi

Hope that it's a good day lovely.

----------


## Pen

Home ed only stayed for an hour. I think that in this run up to Christmas that they have so much going on that they are exhausted. The two littlest ones I felt like saying take them upstairs for a nap on my sofa!
I think the reasons I have a problem with this group is the noise.... not from the kids but from the mum's. They NEVER stop talking! and standing around getting in the way. I did not have my friend come to help today who often shepherds them up to the tea/coffee end where they are not such a menace.

----------


## Paula

It's probably one of their very few chances to get out and have the little ones entertained. However, you're not a playgroup or a community centre and they should be focussing on keeping an eye on their kids, not having a mothers meeting imho

----------

S deleted (19-11-15)

----------


## S deleted

Well said Paula.

----------


## Pen

I know it drives me nuts! Its not just that they are gossiping and not paying the kids attention its that I cant get the kids attention as there is so much chatter from them, the older kids are busy listening into the adult gossip and the younger ones trying to get mum to listen to them. Maybe I should get them to get a cup of tea and then send THEM upstairs to sit on my sofa and chat!

----------


## Suzi

Yup! I'd do that!

----------


## Pen

Just got in from the last class. H says to me how much did you make tonight to which my response was "S**T I forgot to charge them!!!"

----------


## Paula

Oops - do you trust them to pay up?

----------


## Pen

Yes. As long as I remember to remind them!

----------


## Suzi

Oh no!  Hope you get it all paid!

----------


## Pen

I have really nice people come to my classes so I dont think I will have a problem.

Stroke group came today for the first time. Bit of a challenge when one of the members would not do the task I set, instead wanted to try painting in ink.... SO out came the powdered ink. Its great fun but makes a huge mess so I had discounted the idea of using ink with this group, however the customer is always right (especially when its a feisty old lady who is frustrated cause she cant communicate!) so out came the inks. My hands are now shades of blue, green, yellow, orange red and purple. I look like a heavy smoker who has trapped their fingers in a door! Still they all had a laugh and want to come again. They will be coming once a fortnight which will work great for me as I get every other Friday morning free.

----------


## magie06

I hope you aren't doing too much.

----------


## Paula

Free time equals rest, walks with Ember and nothing to do with work, I assume?

----------


## Suzi

That sounds fantastic!

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a fun time x

----------


## Pen

> Free time equals rest, walks with Ember and nothing to do with work, I assume?


errrr... no it equals time to load and unload the kiln, clean and tidy the studio and maybe make some example pieces for my students to copy

----------


## rose

I just want to say, OK, you might not quite have the work/life balance quite right yet, but I think the business you have made, and the success of it in such a short time, is amazing. And that's all down to your hard work. So I hope at some point you will sit down and take a moment to congratulate yourself.
Well done  :(bear):

----------

Paula (20-11-15),Pen (20-11-15),Suzi (20-11-15)

----------


## Pen

Right.... Shortly (when the bathroom is free) I will get showered and dressed then I have a pile of things to do today...
Walk the dog, vacuum, tidy and dust the house, get my washing on, sort out my pond, scan my nativity drawing in and make it into cards, make a beer "mug" (its a commission), Make some terracotta pots, empty the kiln and make up the hanging decorations that are in it and if I can fit it in make some reindeer.

Oh I love a day off....

----------


## Suzi

You do need to find some time to rest in that huge amount of stuff!

----------


## Pen

Oh and as the sun is out ands the wind has dropped today I have to build a shed...

----------


## rose

> Oh and as the sun is out ands the wind has dropped today I have to build a shed...


Sorry, but I laughed out loud. Good luck with your shed and all the other things you are doing today  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Shed did not happen. Hubby did get round to clearing space for it but nothing got built. He did get onto my studio roof and try to investigate why the back wall is so damp, its very strange and there is no obvious reason why I should have a problem but he has taken the end stop off the gutter just in case it was overflowing down the wall. Next time we get heavy rain I will need to hand out of the upstairs window and see if I can see what is happening.
Got the cards done. I am selling them for 40p each or 4 for £1.50.
H is currently vacuuming the hall. It sounds like she is hoovering a gravel path its so bad!!
Did the fish pond.
Walked the dog.
Failed at everything else!

----------


## Paula

You didn't fail, you paced!

----------


## Suzi

Certainly not "failed" at all!

----------


## Pen

Having a bit of an anxiety attack tonight and dont know why.

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni! Can you use any strategies to help you cope?

----------


## Pen

Tried most of them but nothing seems to help much.

----------


## Suzi

What about drawing? On paper or on your arm?

----------


## Pen

Been drawing all evening

----------


## Suzi

How are you today lovely?

----------


## Pen

A bit better. I took two lorazapan ( the max does I can have) and went to bed. I listened to a comedy show for a while until the tablets took effect and then slept. I slept from about 11 till 9:30 this morning.
I do need to go out to get some more clay and get down the bank but apart from that and walking Ember I think a day of sleeping and drawing is called for...

----------


## Pen

Scrap that I had forgotten I promised H a trip to the local garden store....

Just looked at my hours worked last week. Excluding time spent drawing I did 47 hours. I dont think that is too bad...

----------


## rose

Its like a 6 day week I suppose. Can H help out more?

----------


## Pen

No not really. She wont handle peoples artwork as she does not want the responsibility so I have to do all the racking and drying of work and loading and unloading the kiln. She cant prepare what I will teach I have to do that and she wont teach or help teach any of the classes. I wont let her mix glazes, slips and oxides as in most cases I am still testing the recipes myself. and I like to do the advertising and marketing myself as she does not have the experience so that only leaves the cleaning and unless I remind her she skimps on that at times as well.

----------


## Paula

Didn't you consider seeing if the colleges current students needed work experience?

----------


## Suzi

Can she not help out by doing something such as facebook posts once a day or something?

----------


## Pen

> Didn't you consider seeing if the colleges current students needed work experience?


I did contact the college but no one was interested.

----------


## Pen

> Can she not help out by doing something such as facebook posts once a day or something?


I dont know I trust her to manage my FB page.

----------


## rose

> I dont know I trust her to manage my FB page.


Do you find it hard relinquishing control? Its not a criticism (I am a control freak), just a question?

----------


## Pen

To a certain degree I like to stay in control. I just know that she does not care as much as I do about the business.

----------


## Paula

> I did contact the college but no one was interested.


That's sad, you'd think they'd be jumping at the opportunity

----------


## Suzi

I've been called a control freak (or worded much nicer!) about this place lol so I do completely understand!

----------


## Pen

> That's sad, you'd think they'd be jumping at the opportunity


I know. Maybe next year when I have been going for a while the tutors maybe more willing to encourage people my way.

----------


## Pen

Well what a night. We have acquired a lodger. A came home late last night, grabbed H and then they both went out and came home with a cat.
She had followed A home. Desperate for attention, cold and hungry. She is currently tucked in the spare room and we will take her over the vets in a bit to see if she is chipped and try and reconnect her with her owners. A and H have been scanning the bulletin boards to see if they can find her owner but no luck so far. She is a little thin but otherwise in great condition so she is obviously not a long term stray. 
H and A are praying that we cant find her home as she is so cute they wants to keep her!! She worships A, even when he brought her in last night and we were trying to search the internet to see if she was reported she curled up on his lap.

----------


## Angie

Awwww bless them, and you a lot wouldn't do that for a cat

----------


## rose

Don't you already have a cat?

----------


## Pen

Well she was chipped and registered with the vet we took her to so they have left a message for her owners and kept her for them to hopefully collect later. H and A went out in the rain to search for her last night they could not bear the thought of her hungry, cold and alone out there. 
Yes Rose we do already have a cat who I am sure would really feel her nose was put out of joint by the arrival of another but she herself moved in as an unclaimed stray some years ago so she would have had to lump it!  :(rofl): 

H is currently scanning the local rescue centres for cats looking for adoption! hopefully this desire will die down shortly and we will be able to get some work done...

----------


## Suzi

Lol! I hope that today is a good one for you lovely! 

So glad you got the cat rescued!

----------


## Pen

Right lets see if I can get this straight...
1:00 Group is making tiles and finishing their slab pots
7:00 Half the group is starting to make slab pots, other half is doing whatever they want.

Now lets try not to get this mixed up....

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## Suzi

You'll be brilliant!

----------


## Pen

Of course  :(blush):

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Paula (24-11-15),Suzi (24-11-15)

----------


## Pen

Phew another day over...

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Paula (24-11-15)

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## Paula

Well done, teacher  :):

----------


## Pen

Scary... Just been looking at my Moodscope scores. Since my crash at the beginning of october I have been scarily stable.... For years my graph has looked like someone having a heart attack with highs and lows every week but for the last month it has been almost a flat line.

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Paula (24-11-15),rose (25-11-15),S deleted (25-11-15)

----------


## Paula

Yay!!

----------


## S deleted

I've not used moodscope for a while. Suppose I ought to start using it daily again

----------


## Pen

I find it really useful. I have done it since 2010 so I have a lot of detail to look back on.

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## Pen

Sometimes my job is really tough.

Just spent nearly 2 and a half hours drinking coffee and gossiping with my three customers whilst doing my own drawing.... Its a tough life but I guess someone has to do it...

----------

Paula (25-11-15),S deleted (25-11-15),Suzi (25-11-15)

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## Pen

Just seen the news about the Autumn statement. For once this government has seen a bit of sense over Tax credits. They have also extended small business relief till March 2017 which means I wont have to pay Business Rates next year so I have have come off quite well from the deal!

----------

S deleted (25-11-15),Suzi (25-11-15)

----------


## Paula

I think there's a lot of relief going around. Hants Police put a statement on Fb basically saying thank God for no police cuts!

----------


## Pen

Just found out something really weird.... I have 121 followers on FB (thats not the odd bit) they include 2 from the USA, 2 from Australia and 1 from Serbia..... 

I never expected international followers, certainly did not expect a follower in Serbia!

----------


## S deleted

Its great when things go your way for a change. A chilled out afternoon is probably just what you needed.

----------


## Suzi

So glad you had a good afternoon lovely!

----------


## Angie

Sounds like a good afternoon hun x
Have just used the moodscope as never used it before.

----------


## Pen

I've always found it a great help. When I was bad I could print it out and take the results to see the pdoc, as I used to fluctuate a lot it helped them understand how my moods changed and helped them reach a diagnosis.

I have cancelled the class this morning so have a day to get my commission finished. My friend who helps with the HE class is going to come over for a coffee and to have a play and keep me company for an hour or so this morning. Still have two classes this evening, hopefully this will be the last time I run the art class on a Thursday evening.

My eldest brother rang up last night to say he and his wife were coming up here at the weekend to drop off presents and cards. This is a shock! Until October I had not seen him for a year and now he is back again a month later!!! Also I dont have a present for him sorted out yet... Although I was thinking gift cards from Amazon...

Ember is very quiet this morning, I think she did not sleep well last night as she has curled up on the sofa fast asleep at the moment and has not even looked at her breakfast yet. Although she has the hiccups which is funny as she is asleep.... She got up to go in the garden last night (she usually does when I need to use the bathroom) but when we got back upstairs the cat had snuck into my room and was curled up in her spot. She was not impressed. Normally I would let the cat stay (she is an old lady and was in the family before Ember) but as Ember was feeling the cold I turned her out so Ember could cuddle up to me.

----------


## Paula

Poor Ember ....... poor cat lol

Hope it all goes swimmingly today  :):

----------


## OldMike

> Poor Ember ....... poor cat lol
> 
> Hope it all goes swimmingly today


You gotta love cats  :(nod): 

I'll echo what Paula said, hope you have a really good day.

----------

Pen (26-11-15)

----------


## Pen

Nearly finished the commission piece so a productive day. Had 4 people for the pottery club and will probably only have 3 tonight so will make a grand total of £35 for day. Oh well every little helps I guess!

So glad this is the last evening class of the week. I would much rather be in front of the fire cuddling Ember maybe doing a bit of drawing. Ember is here with me at the moment on the sofa resting her head on my spare tyre! So that seems like a good reason not to lose weight, what would she do for a pillow??

----------

OldMike (27-11-15)

----------


## Suzi

Lol! 

Do you do a lot of commission pieces?

----------


## Pen

No this is only the second. Its a challenge as its making a beer "mug" copying an existing piece which was wheel thrown so I have had to build it using coils. There is no way that I will be able to charge a rate that reflects the work that has gone into it but I enjoy the challenge!

----------


## Suzi

That's so cool!

----------


## Pen

Funny class last night, only one person turned up so he had a coffee and we chatted for half an hour and then he went home...

Today will be a challenge though. My friend cant come and help with the blind group so its just me, two blind people, two partly sighted and two sighted students...  Not looking forward to it!

----------


## OldMike

> Nearly finished the commission piece so a productive day. Had 4 people for the pottery club and will probably only have 3 tonight so will make a grand total of £35 for day. Oh well every little helps I guess!
> 
> So glad this is the last evening class of the week. I would much rather be in front of the fire cuddling Ember maybe doing a bit of drawing. Ember is here with me at the moment on the sofa resting her head on my spare tyre! So that seems like a good reason not to lose weight, what would she do for a pillow??


I just so love that image of ember using you're tum as a pillow, it made me give a real big smile.  :(happy):   :(happy):

----------

Pen (27-11-15)

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## Pen

Only done 5 hours of work today so feeling a bit guilty. I should be loading the kiln tonight but cant face it. 

Feeling a bit anxious and cant face eating tonight.

----------


## rose

Make sure you eat something, you know not eating will make the anxiety worse.
A 5 hour day is perfectly acceptable for a Friday I think!

----------


## Paula

What have you got on over the weekend, hunni?

----------


## Pen

Two kids groups tomorrow morning and lunch with my brother.

----------


## Pen

My brother has just messaged to say we will be eating at a different place to usual. I have never been there before and I am stressing about it. I wonder if he will mind if I dont go?

----------


## OldMike

> My brother has just messaged to say we will be eating at a different place to usual. I have never been there before and I am stressing about it. I wonder if he will mind if I dont go?


You should go I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

----------


## rose

What makes you anxious about going somewhere different?

----------


## Angie

Hun you never know you might enjoy the new place, can you give it a try ?

----------


## S deleted

I get that, but try and remember that although the surroundings may be unusual to you the company isn't. Maybe ask to meet him outside so you can walk in together. I know that helps me when going somewhere new.

----------

Paula (28-11-15)

----------


## Pen

He would not understand why I needed him to do that. We are not close he is more like an uncle than a brother as he is much older than me and left home when I was 5.

----------


## Suzi

Hope the classes are going well hun. Do you know why he changed the venue?

----------


## Paula

:(bear):  hunni. I really hope you can sort it out

----------


## Pen

Well coming to the end of another busy week. Just 4 more classes to go... and just one bag of clay in stock. Better dash out and buy some before the next class

----------


## Suzi

How are you feeling now lovely?

----------


## Paula

Are you working this weekend, or giving yourself a rest?  :O:

----------


## Pen

> How are you feeling now lovely?


 Been a bit hyper actually. Full of ideas for yarn bowls. Just finished the last class for today so going back out there in a second to finish off the 2 cereal bowls and one yarn bowl that I have in progress and start another three yarn bowls. Dont know if I will be able to sell them but I am having fun making them.

----------


## Pen

> Are you working this weekend, or giving yourself a rest?


rrreeeessstttt, re st, rrrrest... No sorry dont seem to be able to get that word, not sure its in my vocabulary....
Three classes tomorrow. 2 kids then an adults one.
Then I have to create a painting for my sons christmas present and finish off anything I start this evening.

----------

Paula (04-12-15)

----------


## Suzi

I've been looking at getting a yarn bowl - can't wait to see yours!

----------


## magie06

I've been on the look out for a yarn bowl too. Can't wait to see what you have. Remember though to price them according to market prices.

----------


## OldMike

> I've been on the look out for a yarn bowl too. Can't wait to see what you have. Remember though to price them according to market prices.


What is a yarn bowl? Maggie is it a bowl you put wool in whilst knitting.

----------


## magie06

Exactly. It keeps the wool from rolling around while you knit. A great idea. The person who invented them needs a knighthood.

----------


## OldMike

> Exactly. It keeps the wool from rolling around while you knit. A great idea. The person who invented them needs a knighthood.


I may be a silly old fool but wouldn't any old bowl do.  :P:

----------


## rose

I saw the pic you posted on facebook of the yarn bowl and I thought it was really nice looking. It hadn't occurred to me that a person might need a yarn bowl, but when I saw it it made sense!

----------


## Pen

> I may be a silly old fool but wouldn't any old bowl do.


A well made yarn bowl does several things. A normal bowl is ok but the ball can still jump out. A yarn bowl has a loop cut in it to hold the wool and stop tangling as well as keeping the tension tight whilst knitting. It has enough depth and weight to stop the wool from jumping around.

----------


## Pen

I have posted up pictures of the work so far on my FB page and also on my website blog 
[URL=http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/blog/[/URL]

----------


## OldMike

> I have posted up pictures of the work so far on my FB page and also on my website blog 
> http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/blog/


Just read your blog, you're really talented, pity the troll planter cracked as you say it's probably still usable.

----------


## Pen

> Just read your blog, you're really talented, pity the troll planter cracked as you say it's probably still usable.


Thank you  :(blush):

----------


## Pen

Now trying to decide whether to retire up to my bed with a glass of apricot brandy and water or a hot chocolate....

----------


## Suzi

Pen that's a beautiful shape! I love it!

----------

Pen (04-12-15)

----------


## rose

Apricot brandy!
I love the shape too  :):

----------


## magie06

I think they all look lovely to me.

----------


## OldMike

> Now trying to decide whether to retire up to my bed with a glass of apricot brandy and water or a hot chocolate....


I'm a teetotaler so I'd definitely go for the hot chocolate, must be years since I had hot chocolate now I suddenly want one. My mum used to like her liqueurs.

----------


## Pen

Well done Mike, I have a soft spot for Apricot Brandy but this is only the second bottle I have bought in 2 years. I have an issue with my mouth that means I can only drink it diluted and until recently I could not even drink it like that. I did however decide on the hot chocolate with whipped cream tonight.

----------


## OldMike

> Well done Mike, I have a soft spot for Apricot Brandy but this is only the second bottle I have bought in 2 years. I have an issue with my mouth that means I can only drink it diluted and until recently I could not even drink it like that. I did however decide on the hot chocolate with whipped cream tonight.


Hot chocolate with whipped cream sounds delicious, as I recall my mum's favourite liqueur was apricot brandy.

----------


## Suzi

I'd have probably had a "grown up" hot chocolate and added the brandy in!  :):

----------


## Pen

> I'd have probably had a "grown up" hot chocolate and added the brandy in!


mmmm might try that tonight... or after the next class when I am off duty for a few days

----------

Suzi (05-12-15)

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## magie06

Have you thought of how much you are going to charge for the knitting bowls?

----------


## Pen

> Have you thought of how much you are going to charge for the knitting bowls?


Between £20 and £30 depending on the size and complexity. That seems to be around the going rate.

----------


## magie06

Yes, it sounds about right. I've seen them in the markets and they aren't a patch on what you've made. Don't sell yourself short. There's nothing worse than being asked to sell your stuff cheaper than what it's worth.

----------


## Paula

The quality of your work is outstanding  :):

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Pen (05-12-15)

----------


## Pen

Just finished for the night. Made another bowl, this time a bit more fancy. Its on the FB site and will be on my blog in a moment.

----------


## Suzi

I love it!!

----------

Pen (05-12-15)

----------


## Pen

Was lying awake till 2 with my head full of ideas for developing the bowls. I was thinking that I could do a coil styled one with fancy coils carved like wood and a needle holder like a branch (bit like my gold lamp http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/gallery/my-work/), or one like a tree trunk with a branch needle holder, or one with twisted vines cut away like a basket with leaves and blackberries or a one in the same style with roses, or one with waterweed carved out and an otter(s) playing in the weeds.... Oh boy I am going to be busy today :-)
Plus I still need to do a painting as a present for J for Christmas.

----------

Paula (06-12-15)

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## OldMike

Hi Pen I like the idea of a bowl with as you said  with _twisted vines cut away like a basket with leaves and blackberries_ either as a yarn bowl or even just a decorative or fruit bowl.

----------


## Suzi

I love your creativity!

----------


## Pen

I spent ages last night searching the web convinced that someone must have done these already but I cant find any signs that I would be treading on anyones toes by making these. Of course the more complex ones I can sell for more, some really complex bowls sell for £200 but I would not be looking for this I was thinking maybe £40-£50.

----------


## OldMike

Though I'm not looking for a yarn bowl I'd certainly be tempted to purchase a decorative bowl especially a unique piece as all your work is, as each is individually crafted they are all unique.

----------


## Pen

> Though I'm not looking for a yarn bowl I'd certainly be tempted to purchase a decorative bowl especially a unique piece as all your work is, as each is individually crafted they are all unique.


They are certainly unique! :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

I've got a nativity piece and it's stunning, Mike!

----------

Pen (06-12-15)

----------


## OldMike

> They are certainly unique!


Hehe I noticed you don't use a potter's wheel I'd have thought that'd be an essential piece of equipment for some of your pieces. I can see your point about it interfering with your creative processes but on occasions when you want something truly circular I think it would help. Just a thought.  :):

----------


## OldMike

> I've got a nativity piece and it's stunning, Mike!


I must have another look on Pen's site after lunch, there's a couple of pieces I like there.

----------


## Pen

> Hehe I noticed you don't use a potter's wheel I'd have thought that'd be an essential piece of equipment for some of your pieces. I can see your point about it interfering with your creative processes but on occasions when you want something truly circular I think it would help. Just a thought.


I am looking for one at the moment but I can't afford a new one and second hand ones for sale are all too far away or not suitable.

----------


## Pen

Just finished another bowl and put to dry. Details on FB and website. Cant decide now if I should go and work on finishing off the third one I started on Thursday or starting the painting or locking up, lighting the fire, and crashing out, when I come back with Ember later.

----------


## Pen

> I must have another look on Pen's site after lunch, there's a couple of pieces I like there.


Mike if you like any of the designs I am doing as yarn bowls I can easily make you a normal bowl in the same style.  :(nod):

----------


## OldMike

I may be dim  :^):  there seems to be shopping cart on your website, but how do you actually put anything in the cart or do you need to pre-order stuff, just help this old guy out. (I do my grocery shopping online so I'm not totally inept  :(rofl):  )

Well maybe I am.  :P:

----------


## Pen

Ah you are not being dim. The only items than can be added to the cart are places on my courses. I dont sell much stuff, Paula was the first person to buy any of my things online and that was through FB. The main focus of the site is to attract people to my courses and show that I am a bona fida company and that I do know how to make pottery  :(rofl):

----------


## Pen

Well so far on my "day off" I have done the banking, bought and collected a new sign for the studio, finished off the pots, unloaded the kiln and photographed the contents and sorted out a load of stuff to be collected.

----------


## OldMike

Wow you do more on your day off than when you're working.  :(rofl):

----------


## Pen

Oh I dont know, only done 4 hours of work today, the rest of the week I will do about 9-10 hours a day....

----------


## Paula

You exhaust me just reading your posts  :O:

----------


## Pen

Only by keeping busy can I keep the demons away, 
when I stop they all come out to play.

 :(devil):

----------

rose (07-12-15)

----------


## Suzi

Are you OK lovely?

----------


## Charlie2484s

You are an inspiration that gives me great hope for the future. Thank you.x

----------


## OldMike

> Only by keeping busy can I keep the demons away, 
> when I stop they all come out to play.


*pokes those demons with a pointy stick* you keep away from Pen you bad demons

----------


## Pen

> Are you OK lovely?


Yes, just a bit tired.

----------


## Pen

> *pokes those demons with a pointy stick* you keep away from Pen you bad demons


lol  :ninja1:  :(devil):

----------

OldMike (07-12-15)

----------


## Suzi

Any chance of resting? Even a little? (Stop laughing!)

----------


## Pen

H has just fed me and I am sitting on my bed watching catch up tv and drawing, so resting a bit. Feeling very guilty that I am not in the studio making bowls though...

----------


## rose

Its gone 8pm, please please don't feel guilty for resting now!
And I agree, you're an inspiration  :):

----------


## Suzi

I completely agree with Rose! Rest Pen!

----------


## Pen

Well the demons are back...

----------


## rose

Mine are back too tonight. What kind of demons are yours?

----------


## Pen

Mine are telling me to hurt myself.

----------


## rose

Mine are telling me to buy stuff. All I can suggest is distraction or sleep. Do you have any Lorazepam?

----------


## rose

You ok Pen?

----------


## Pen

Yes, getting by. How are you?

----------


## OldMike

Still up Pen? Don't say you can't sleep, how about some hot chocolate that might help.  :Tea:  (can't find hot chocolate smiley)

----------


## Pen

Yep. Slept for a couple of hours now wide awake!

----------


## OldMike

I fell asleep in the chair about 9pm listening to the radio must have slept for at least an hour or more now I'm wide awake.

----------


## OldMike

Currently listening to the radio station Classicfm via the internet.

Think I'll retire to bed and listen to the radio there.

Night Pen hope you can get some sleep soon.

----------


## rose

> Yes, getting by. How are you?


As long as those thoughts are gone! I am lying awake as usual!

----------


## Pen

Just been holiday hunting. I have not been away on holiday since 2007 and I think I might be able to afford it this year. Been trying to find somewhere that allows dogs, has fishing but does not allow children. Unfortunately none of the websites I have been looking at has a no kids option.

----------


## rose

If you go during term time, the number of kids should be minimal?
Are you thinking of going abroad?

----------


## Pen

No way hubby would go abroad and I want to take Ember so looking in the UK in June.

----------


## OldMike

Is there any reason you want a no kids policy, is it you just want a quiet time? I thought the actions of kids playing may make you smile.

----------


## Pen

Mike I spend 11 1/2 months amusing kids and being nice to them I would like not to hear one for a week or two!

----------


## OldMike

> Mike I spend 11 1/2 months amusing kids and being nice to them I would like not to hear one for a week or two!


Ah of course your kids pottery classes (why didn't I think of that) I understand now. hope you find somewhere suitable soon.  :):

----------


## Pen

It was only an idea. I am not sure I will get round to booking anything. I am terrified of not having any money and so am always constantly worried that although things are going ok at the moment that everything will collapse and I will be skint. Its part of the reason I have not had a holiday for 8 years.

----------


## OldMike

Maybe a long weekend away would be nice to give you a break. (just a thought)

----------


## Pen

Maybe.

Quite liking the look of this though at the moment...
http://www.millbrookcottages.co.uk/corncott.php

----------


## Suzi

I can totally understand that about money. What kind of thing are you looking for? Try checking out trip advisor - it's where we found a lovely cabin in Wales which we've used a couple of times.

----------


## OldMike

Looks really nice there Pen.  :(nod):

----------


## Pen

Arg.. Broke 2 leaves on the bowl I made at the weekend. Also had another one I was working on collapse. So tired I can hardly stand but still need to load the dishwasher before bed. (I just love how my phones predictive text has learnt that I am more likely to be loading the kiln than the dishwasher!)

----------


## Paula

Oh no  :(:

----------


## Pen

Thinking an apricot brandy and a packet of chocolate peanuts and some drawing may help.

The collapsed bowl was a stupid mistake (well they both were actually) I decided to carve two otters swimming through waterweed but the bowl was still a bit soft and I got carried away. I repaired the mistake and dried it off to harden it however now it is in danger of getting too hard. So given it a good spray with water and wrapped it up in plastic for the night.
The other bowl I have attempted a repair however it was very dry, almost ready for the kiln so I dont know if the repair will hold. If not I will have to make a feature of them. Very annoyed with myself though for such a silly error.

----------


## OldMike

> Thinking an apricot brandy and a packet of chocolate peanuts and some drawing may help.
> 
> The collapsed bowl was a stupid mistake (well they both were actually) I decided to carve two otters swimming through waterweed but the bowl was still a bit soft and I got carried away. I repaired the mistake and dried it off to harden it however now it is in danger of getting too hard. So given it a good spray with water and wrapped it up in plastic for the night.
> The other bowl I have attempted a repair however it was very dry, almost ready for the kiln so I dont know if the repair will hold. If not I will have to make a feature of them. Very annoyed with myself though for such a silly error.


You know what they say the man (or woman  :):  ) who never made a mistake never made anything.

One piece I really like is the lion bottom centre on your website, I like its naive charm. (Now you're going to tell me it isn't a lion and I'll look a total fool)

----------


## Pen

Ah Larry the lion. He spurred many kids to make lions at the time! Unfortunately he got dropped and now his tail is in three sections...

----------


## OldMike

Poor Larry I can feel his pain.

----------


## Pen

Yes the poor fella will never be the same again. However it does mean he will have to stay living with me, I can never let him go now in that state.

----------


## OldMike

Awww what a shame I really wanted him for my mantlepiece.

----------


## Pen

If I get round to making another I will bear you in mind  :(rofl):

----------


## Pen

Just added some new stuff to my gallery

----------


## OldMike

> Just added some new stuff to my gallery


Goes to look  :):

----------


## Pen

Right... shall I walk the dog, go to sleep or finish my latest bowl.... decisions decisions... This is such a tough job I do. :(whew):

----------


## OldMike

> Right... shall I walk the dog, go to sleep or finish my latest bowl.... decisions decisions... This is such a tough job I do.


*Light bulb moment* why not train your doggy to power your potter's wheel via a treadmill, result you throw a few pots and doggy gets some exercise. Job done magic Mike strikes again.  :):

----------


## Pen

Another day over... Finished another yarn bowl. This one is a carved bowl of water weeds and otters.
Pictures on FB and here
http://www.carantoc-art.co.uk/blog/

----------


## Pen

Blooming facebook.... You know how every now and then they throw up a post from a previous year or so? Tonight it threw up one from 2 years back, a great cartoon about depression and building a nest. I opened it up and attached to the cartoon was a conversation I had with a friend about us hiding in the nest together.... seven months after this post this friend killed herself. All the pain has just come back...

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry...  :Panda:  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Had a really bad night, full of nightmares, interspersed with periods of being unable to sleep.
The world is such a horrible place, disasters and killings everywhere I dont want to be in the world anymore.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:  hunni you were bound to have a reaction to what happened last night. There's lots of horrible stuff in this world but also lots of beauty.  I hope you can hold on to the beauty today

----------


## OldMike

Pen try and concentrate on the good things in this world, there's lots of good people never forget that. Just look at this forum, there's some very inspirational people on DWD.

On the fun side I looked at your latest bowl two otters playing among some reeds, look as I may I couldn't see any otters, are they stealthy ninja otters ready to leap out and surprise you.  :P: 

I see you give kids pottery classes, that must fill you with delight seeing the look on a child's face when they make their first piece of pottery. You're an inspiration too with your artistic skills.  :Panda:

----------


## Pen

> On the fun side I looked at your latest bowl two otters playing among some reeds, look as I may I couldn't see any otters, are they stealthy ninja otters ready to leap out and surprise you.


 Yes... Once the piece is coloured you will be able to see them but at the moment they do look a bit like the reeds.

The kids are fun (in small doses!) most of the kids are full of ideas of what to make although after a few weeks I do have to have some projects up my sleeves for them. I actually get the biggest kick from seeing the boys getting stuck in. Often they are dragged along because their sister wants to do it and Mum/Dad does not want to leave brother at home alone. However once they get an idea they are off, and are usually the more creative with ideas. It is not unusual at the end of the session for Mum and sister to have cleared up, had a biscuit and be standing with their coats on whilst junior is still fiddling away with details. I had a teen age boy dragged along at half term, he had never done pottery before but made this fabulous chicken. He practically was dragged out by his mum at the end.

----------


## Suzi

You are right, there are some hideous things/acts/people around but for each horrible thing there are amazing people too. Try to hold on to the light things too lovely. 

I'm loving following your page on FB. It's full of beautiful things all the time!

----------


## Pen

Thank you Suzi, I do try. Feeling VERY guilty at the moment. Its pouring with rain here and I am in a quandary. Ember is asking to go for a walk, but I know that if I try and take her she wont go, but she is upset with me that I am not getting ready to go out. Also H has gone out for the evening so I cant decide if it is best to take Ember into the studio with me for the kids club at 4:30 but tie her up in the corner or leave her shut up on her own in the house... I know she would want to be with me in the Studio but she is scared of kids. I could put her at the back on her bed tied up so she cant roam round and put a fence in front of her to make sure no-one goes near her but at the same time I dont like tying her up.

----------


## rose

What about putting her upstairs in the studio? Do you have a stairgate you could use?

----------


## Suzi

Aw poor Ember!! The idea of using a stairgate is brilliant!

----------


## Pen

I tried putting her bed at the foot of the stairs and barricading her in but she just ran halfway up the stairs and barked at them from there.
Had just one person for the class tonight but that was ok as I made as much money with that one person as I made with the three kids I had earlier! she made a coil bowl and so I worked on my own bowls alongside her (nothing worst than having the instructor breathing down your neck!) I made up three bowls ready for hardening up enough for the next stage. Two of the bowls I made last week will come out of the kiln in the morning and be glazed and put back in for a second firing tomorrow afternoon, so should have some finished bowls by the weekend. Quite impressed myself with my productivity!

----------

Paula (10-12-15)

----------


## OldMike

That's cool Pen. How about making a friend for Larry the Lion? Hint hint me liked Larry so much.

You certainly are industrious I can see you setting up a production line.  :P:

----------


## Pen

I'll see what I can do Mike  :(rofl):

----------


## Pen

I'm not a great believer of horoscopes but does this definition of my star sign sound like someone you know?

The sign of the high roller, Capricorn is regarded as the zodiacs top, but also quiet, life and business achievers. But, there are two very different types of Capricorns. 

The first is represented by the mountain goat, always climbing higher and higher; never content until reaching the top. The second is the garden goat, with little adventurous spirit or ambition-happy to remain within a small domain, refusing to budge unless it is pushed. Either type of Capricorn, however, is patient and persevering. They reach their goals because they know the longest journey commences with a single step and that the first step is always the most difficult. 

The one thing a Capricorn must always try to do is balance work with play; otherwise they can become too one-sided and work can replace true personal emotional fulfilment. Continually climbing the eternal mountain of success, Capricornians rise to the occasion when faced with a new task or deadline. Even if something comes to a grinding halt, their ambition to reach the ultimate keeps them moving forever onwards and upwards (prompted by the strict influence of ruling planet Saturn). Although conservative and cautious, Goats are willing to try unusual approaches on their road to success in business or in love. Romantically, they desire a permanent relationship with someone who'll give them the affection they crave (and often neglect to give themselves!) 

The rulership of Saturn - the planet representing responsibility, structure and hard work - ensures that Capricorns in their truest of expression, are ambitious, practical and superb organizers. Although many Capricorns are borderline workaholics, this doesn't necessarily make them dull or gloomy! They have an offbeat sense of humour, which seems to erupt at the most unexpected moments. Their motivating force in life is success, money, status, authority and - although many might not admit it - love. By nature Capricorns are cautious when entering a new love relationship, but once they feel 'safe' with their partner, the cool exterior melts away to reveal a sensitive and loyal heart beneath. As a friend, Capricorns can be relied upon to provide the strongest and most sympathetic pair of shoulders in the zodiac...

----------


## OldMike

I always thought you were an old goat Pen (just joking).

I can see you are practical have a good work ethic and are very creative and are a loyal friend to those closest to you.  :(nod):

----------


## rose

I'm a capricorn too and I always think the descriptions like the one above sum me up pretty well.
And yes, it sounds like you too!

----------


## OldMike

This is what I found out about Aquarius my star sign, I so wish I was like that. On second thoughts the contrariness and detachment part is so true, that's so spooky. 

Aquarius (The Water-Bearer)
January 21 - February 19
An Aquarian's profile is one of friendliness, intelligence, loyalty and inventiveness, but they can show contrariness and be prone to detachment. It's not like Aquarians lack feelings; they are just a little different in that department. Friends are very important to Aquarians and they love mixing with groups of like minded people. Those born under this sign are thinkers and communicators. An Aquarian is also known as The Water-Bearer and is influenced by Uranus, Saturn and the Sun.

----------


## Suzi

You are so busy! 
Wrt Ember - can you make her an area in the studio? Somewhere that she can be safe from the children, but that she can still be with you?

----------


## Pen

I am trying to get her to settle at the foot of the stairs but she is not keen and would rather lie by the door. If I try fencing her in at the back of the room she just keeps barking. 
Managed to get the two christmas present bowls and the commission piece in the kiln this morning along with two of the yarn bowls, so looking forward to seeing how they come out. Really tired tonight but determined to go back out to the studio now and work on the three bowls that I started yesterday.

----------


## Suzi

I can't wait to see them too!

----------


## Pen

Larry the lion has a little friend tonight. Laurence the lion. Not sure he is quite as good as Larry but we will see when he in fired.

----------


## Suzi

Aww! Fantastic!

----------


## OldMike

> Larry the lion has a little friend tonight. Laurence the lion. Not sure he is quite as good as Larry but we will see when he in fired.


That's so cool *clears a spot on the mantlepiece.*

----------


## Pen

Pleased with the two cereal bowls, but dare not put up pictures in case the boys see them. The other pots, two yarn bowls and a drinking mug are on facebook. (and shortly the website)

----------


## Paula

They're fantastic!

----------


## OldMike

Brilliant Pen I so like the colours and ivy leaves of the first yarn bowl.

----------


## Pen

Its surprising the difference a glaze can make. I have someone coming over on Thursday to see it in the flesh who is interested in buying it.

----------


## rose

So pretty  :):

----------


## OldMike

> Its surprising the difference a glaze can make. I have someone coming over on Thursday to see it in the flesh who is interested in buying it.


When I first saw the yarn bowls I think before they were fired all I could see was the form but little more. After glazing and firing it was like the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Your artist's eye must be able to see beyond the mere form to the finished article.

----------


## Pen

The wonderful and scary thing about making things in ceramics is that whilst you have an idea of what you think something will come out like you can never be sure until the final firing and then rarely does it come out like you expect. Opening the kiln after a final firing is like opening christmas presents. You have a suspicion/hope of what will be in there but you are never sure until you lift the lid and you do have to be able to look at something and go "well that was not what I expected however I quite like what has happened" Some people dont like this unpredictability but as a ceramist you have to embrace it.

----------


## Suzi

Those are beautiful!

----------


## Pen

Now I know it must be Christmas just came home from walking the dog to find H washing the kitchen floor!!!

----------


## Suzi

Fantastic! Well done H!

----------


## OldMike

> Now I know it must be Christmas just came home from walking the dog to find H washing the kitchen floor!!!


Wow Pen bet you wish it was Christmas everyday then you'd never have to wash a floor again.

----------


## Pen

Oh it would be nice Mike.

Just bit the bullet and booked myself and hubby a week away in June. I am so excited!!! Its been so long since we went away and the last time we went away just the two of us was our very short (3 day) honeymoon.

----------


## OldMike

Glad you've managed to book a week away. *crosses fingers and hopes the weather in June is good*

----------


## Pen

> crosses fingers and hopes the weather in June is good


Oh we wont worry if its not. The cottage has a log burner and both of us are quite used to being outside in a British summer. Hubby will have a fishing umbrella and I will pack him off to the lakes and I will sit by the fire and read if it gets too bad! I also plan to drag the poor guy around a few museums and art galleries (although it maybe the case that I go round the galleries whilst he entertains Ember!)

----------


## OldMike

Sounds like you'll have a great time.  :):

----------


## rose

This is great. A proper holiday for the two of you together.
How's his house sale / purchase coming along?

----------


## Pen

Ticking along. I made an offer for a bungalow for them on Monday which was accepted so things are moving.

----------


## Paula

All fantastic news  :):

----------


## Suzi

Brilliant! Well done lovely!

----------


## rose

That's great news. I did smile that it was you that had to do the job of making the offer. But I am glad they have found something they like. Is it near you?

----------


## Pen

Yes, its just up the road. BIL has not seen it. Hubby went and had a look (after I twisted his arm) with H and decided that he liked it so we made an offer. Its probably about 15 minutes walk away (less than 5 in a car). Its not as well placed for shops and things as the other bungalow I shortlisted but it seems a better place. Its detached which was a bonus but was going cheap as the kitchen is "interesting" - there is nowhere to put a cooker, and it has no central heating. But the boys dont mind. Hubby is planning to live with M in the bungalow after the move and not with me.

----------


## OldMike

> Yes, its just up the road. BIL has not seen it. Hubby went and had a look (after I twisted his arm) with H and decided that he liked it so we made an offer. Its probably about 15 minutes walk away (less than 5 in a car). Its not as well placed for shops and things as the other bungalow I shortlisted but it seems a better place. Its detached which was a bonus but was going cheap as the kitchen is "interesting" - there is nowhere to put a cooker, and it has no central heating. But the boys dont mind. Hubby is planning to live with M in the bungalow after the move and not with me.


Hi Pen I'm totally confused here what with BIL, H, M, the boys & hubby and hubby is going to live with M not you. It's like some TV soap.

----------


## Paula

> . Hubby is planning to live with M in the bungalow after the move and not with me.


How do you feel about that?

Mike BIL brother in law, H is Pen's daughter, M is the BIL, 'the boys' refers to hubby and BIL

----------


## OldMike

> How do you feel about that?
> 
> Mike BIL brother in law, H is Pen's daughter, M is the BIL, 'the boys' refers to hubby and BIL


I thought BIL was a shortened version of BILL and the boys were Pen's sons.

Things are a little clearer but it still seems like a mathematical conundrum.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds fab that he's found somewhere and been spurred on to make an offer! How do you feel about him still living with BIL, rather than with you?

----------


## Pen

> Things are a little clearer but it still seems like a mathematical conundrum.


Oh it so is Mike....

I'm ok with it actually. After 24 years of marriage I am used to him NOT living with me. He asked me last week if I wanted him to live with me and and I actually replied no.... There are lots of practical reasons for him to carry on living with M, M has never lived alone and I think he would struggle in a brand new location where he only knows us and does not know the location without hubby there to look after him, also hubby can keep all his stuff at the new bungalow and I wont have to make room for him here. He will be close enough to be able to come over if I need him and I expect he will still spend weekends here as I am sure M will want to get rid of him some of the time.

----------


## OldMike

> Oh it so is Mike....
> 
> I'm ok with it actually. After 24 years of marriage I am used to him NOT living with me. He asked me last week if I wanted him to live with me and and I actually replied no.... There are lots of practical reasons for him to carry on living with M, M has never lived alone and I think he would struggle in a brand new location where he only knows us and does not know the location without hubby there to look after him, also hubby can keep all his stuff at the new bungalow and I wont have to make room for him here. He will be close enough to be able to come over if I need him and I expect he will still spend weekends here as I am sure M will want to get rid of him some of the time.


Thanks Pen I get it (I think), the main thing is as long as you're all happy with the arrangement and it suits you all then that's great.

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad that you are happy with it lovely - but it'd be nice to have him closer?

----------


## Pen

A and H have gone out for the night. I am here all alone. No idea what to do for dinner, not that I want any.

----------


## OldMike

> A and H have gone out for the night. I am here all alone. No idea what to do for dinner, not that I want any.


Ah more letters does H your daughter live with you and who is this mysterious "A" and is there a Mr X locked away in the attic.  :(rofl): 

Pen you should try and eat something, take care.

----------


## Paula

Eat, lovely! That's an order

----------

OldMike (14-12-15)

----------


## Pen

> Ah more letters does H your daughter live with you and who is this mysterious "A" and is there a Mr X locked away in the attic.


I dont have a Mr X but I do have a J and a U. So my family...
H is my daughter. She and her boyfriend A live with me in Weston-Super-Mare
J is my son he lives in Bristol with his Girlfriend U.
M and S are my hubby's older twin brothers. M lives with him in South Wales, S lives in Manchester and is causing great distress to the family by forcing M and hubby to sell the family home in S. Wales.
Ember is my dog, Hazel is my cat. 
and last but not least my Dad (who has just turned 90) lives close by as well....

I have fed Ember and thats the important thing.

----------

OldMike (14-12-15)

----------


## Suzi

You are important too! Have you eaten?

----------


## Pen

Just doing so. battered cod on a bed of Mediterranean rice.

----------

Suzi (14-12-15)

----------


## OldMike

> Just doing so. battered cod on a bed of Mediterranean rice.


That sounds so exotic.  :):  Hope you enjoy it Pen.  :(nod): 

About 5:30 pm I had fish, chips and mushy peas (us northerners are so unsophisticated)

----------


## Angie

Nothing wrong with that Mike, can't beat it.
Glad you are eating Pen hun, and sounds great that they have found a house x

----------


## Pen

> That sounds so exotic.  Hope you enjoy it Pen. 
> 
> About 5:30 pm I had fish, chips and mushy peas (us northerners are so unsophisticated)


It may sound exotic but it was just odd bits I found in the freezer. 4 minute Birds Eye rice and 25 minutes stick in the oven battered fish from Iceland. Would have rather proper fish and chips (dont like mushy peas though)

----------


## OldMike

> It may sound exotic but it was just odd bits I found in the freezer. 4 minute Birds Eye rice and 25 minutes stick in the oven battered fish from Iceland. Would have rather proper fish and chips (dont like mushy peas though)


I usually have Birds Eye frozen fish and just a few chips with marrowfat peas or mushy or garden peas whatever takes my fancy with a bread roll or slice of bread.

----------


## Pen

Give me garden peas every time!

----------


## OldMike

> Give me garden peas every time!


There's nothing better than peas you've grown yourself.
I have grown peas in the past but not recently.
Grew broad beans a couple of years ago only got one meal from them, wasn't worth all the effort.  :S:

----------


## Pen

OMG I slept for 10 hours last night! Did wake up for half an hour at 3 but could not believe it when I woke finally and looked at the clock, was so sure it was wrong I had to check it on my phone!

----------

rose (15-12-15)

----------


## OldMike

> OMG I slept for 10 hours last night! Did wake up for half an hour at 3 but could not believe it when I woke finally and looked at the clock, was so sure it was wrong I had to check it on my phone!


That's good Pen that you got a good nights sleep (unless you were late for an appointment or a pottery class in which case Oh No!!!)

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like you needed the rest! How are you feeling today?

----------


## Pen

Feeling very low today.

----------


## OldMike

> Feeling very low today.


awwww hope you feel better soon  :(bear):   :Panda:

----------


## OldMike

Have you any pottery projects to occupy yourself with today?

----------


## Pen

Two classes to keep me occupied complete with mulled fruit juice, mince pies and chocolate biscuits. I also have two bowls to glaze and a third to finish off ready to dry and two more to start. Plus I have to prepare a game for my students for tomorrow and create vouchers for people who are looking to buy pottery classes as Christmas presents.

----------


## OldMike

You've certainly got a busy day, hope it goes really well, mince pies and chocolate biscuits I'm so jealous, take care.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like another really busy day! Hope it's a good one though!

----------


## rose

> Feeling very low today.


Any idea why?  :Panda:

----------


## Paula

((big hugs))

----------


## OldMike

> ((big hugs))


This is from Paula, me and the rest of DWD.

----------


## Pen

> Any idea why?


No, just need a break I think. It feels like I am wading through custard today.

----------


## Pen

H brewed up a fantastic mulled wine alternative with orange and apple juice I have just finished off the rest of the pan cold. Cant wait till the next brew tonight. I will certainly get my vitamin C today!

----------


## Paula

Are you getting some time off over Christmas?

----------


## OldMike

> No, just need a break I think. It feels like I am wading through custard today.


Often I feel like I'm wading through treacle, but the thought of wading through custard seems rather more pleasant be sure to take a spoon and eat some of that custard on the way.  :O:

----------


## Pen

> Often I feel like I'm wading through treacle, but the thought of wading through custard seems rather more pleasant be sure to take a spoon and eat some of that custard on the way.


Nah...Dont like cold custard

----------


## Pen

> Are you getting some time off over Christmas?


Mmmm depends what you mean by time off.... Hubby is going to let me have his new plastic shed... BUT I will need to build it first. Then I want to transfer all the stuff that is stored in the studio but dont need to be there like my bike, garden tools, power tools etc into the shed. Then I want to tidy and rearrange everything and clear the floor so I can paint it. 
Alongside this of course there is artwork to finish and students work to get fired over the break.

Hopefully I will be able to get some sort of break though. I am planning to rest over Christmas, Boxing Day and my Birthday (27th). However as this year I have a major birthday coming up I suspect that H will want me to celebrate it somehow.

----------


## OldMike

Surely hubby should build your shed, you haven't trained him very well.  :O:

----------


## OldMike

I see it's the big Five O next cool, for me 69 shortly then in another year 70 that makes me feel ancient.

Edit: Must be getting old doubled posted with almost identical posts grrrr

----------


## Pen

> Surely hubby should build your shed, you haven't trained him very well.


Oh I will work on him  :P:

----------


## rose

Hubby should definitely build the shed as a thank you for all your work finding him somewhere to live.

----------


## Suzi

Absolutely agree he should build it!

----------


## magie06

Building anything in this house is man's work. I would probably get it wrong from the beginning.

----------


## rose

> Building anything in this house is man's work. I would probably get it wrong from the beginning.


I bet you wouldn't.

----------


## magie06

I have to say that some of my flat pack furniture is still standing.

----------


## Pen

I have become very good over the years of putting things together, putting up shelves, painting walls dealing with electrics and minor plumbing emergencies without a man. However putting up the shed is definitely a two MAN job. I know if I tried to put it together however a good job I did he would find something to find fault with so I will get him to do it over the Christmas hols.

If I survive that long...

Please can I die now?

----------


## rose

If I'm not allowed to die, I don't see why you should be allowed to.....
Are you ok?  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Yes I'm fine. Just a bit tired and down as I did not win the wheel I was bidding on an broke one of my ceramic pieces this evening. So a spot of Apricot brandy and chocolate peanuts and some drawing in bed will help I'm sure.

----------


## Suzi

How are you feeling today lovely?

----------


## Pen

Tired, tearful and anxious

----------


## rose

> Tired, tearful and anxious


What do you have on today? Do certain classes make you feel more anxious?

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart! Do you know whether there's a definite trigger?

----------


## Pen

No. At the moment I am too far down the hole to see what pushed me in.

----------


## rose

:Panda:

----------


## OldMike

I wish I had the answer to make you feel better Pen, all I can do is send you a hug.  :(bear):  take care.

----------


## Suzi

Aw Pen! You've been doing so much it sounds like you need to rest... Are you eating and drinking properly? Doing anything but work?

----------


## S deleted

Pen I think you can forgive yourself for feeling a bit down with everything that is going on.  With your work, the house sale/purchase, and the time of year anyone would find it a bit of a struggle, without this illness to contend with. I actually think you are going brilliantly and have every faith in you.

Things will get better

----------


## magie06

You are doing brilliantly. Look at all you've achieved. It makes me jealous when I see what you have done! Take care of yourself, and I will pray for you this evening.

----------

Pen (19-12-15)

----------


## Paula

How are you today, lovely?

----------


## Pen

> Aw Pen! You've been doing so much it sounds like you need to rest... Are you eating and drinking properly? Doing anything but work?


No not really to any of those. I just feel ill all the time, sometimes I feel hungry but then when I eat I just feel sick again. I have huge sore on the side of my tongue which is also not helping. Had three classes today, finished at 3:30 but I have no idea what I have done since then, everything is blank. 
Hubby has gone out to get a Chinese to try and get me to eat something.

----------


## Suzi

Any chance you could get those sores checked out?

----------


## Pen

Dont think there is much hope on the run up to Christmas and they cant do anything anyway.

----------


## Paula

With the sores as well, could this be because you're coming down with something?

----------


## Pen

I dont know. All I know is that they hurt and I cant sleep. Just cleaned the kitchen and hung H and A's washing up to dry. I an so tired but I just cant sleep.

----------


## S deleted

I know how that feels

----------


## Paula

> I dont know. All I know is that they hurt and I cant sleep. Just cleaned the kitchen and hung H and A's washing up to dry. I an so tired but I just cant sleep.


Then you need to get an appointment this side of Christmas, Pen. Please call them first thing tomorrow .....

----------


## Pen

I'll give it a couple of days, I am sure it will settle back down to the bearable level once I can get a bit of rest.

Getting stressed about the weekend now. Elder brother No 2 rang last night to talk about meeting up on Saturday. I did not want to go up to Bristol to his place so he said he would come down. "Thats OK" I thought him and his misses for a few mince pies and coffee... No problem. Then just as we were finishing the conversation he said "Oh I expect we will be coming in three cars..." Seems it is all three of his children and their wives and their children as well as him and my SIL. That makes 14 of them.... Plus my Dad. Youngest kid is nearly 2, oldest is 11. I can just about manage 5 people in my sitting room, plus of course Ember is terrified of children. So everyone will have to go into the Studio which as well as preparing for Christmas I will have to make child proof.

----------


## Suzi

Oh wow! That is quite different to a couple of people! Is it "just" for coffee and mince pies? Any chance you could change things slightly?

----------


## OldMike

Wow Pen a couple of people over for coffee and mince pies sounds nice but when you suddenly find a whole tribe is going to arrive that must've taken you aback. I hope you can sort things out and maybe reduce the numbers a little.

----------


## Pen

Yes just coffee and cake then they will go home for lunch. I will have to let them loose in the studio

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! Move everything you don't want them to touch!

----------


## Pen

I will have to tidy up in there anyway ready for Christmas, but it will also mean getting stuff out of reach.

Not good tonight my brain has turned to mush. I had to take hubby through a load of legal documents tonight I have no idea if I was right in what I said...

He did not want to leave this evening as he knows I am not right. I am struggling to string spoken words together, I keep going off into a daze and staring into space, I cant focus on any task for more than a few minutes and I could only eat about 3 forkfuls of my dinner before I gave up. (Ember had a good supper of leftovers!)

----------


## Suzi

Sweetheart are you coming down with something? Are you physically poorly?

----------


## Pen

I dont know but this stuff is usually signs of my mental illness kicking in.

----------


## Pen

Awake now at 3. So tired but can't sleep.

----------


## Suzi

:(bear):  Any way you could get to see your Dr at all?

----------


## Paula

(how are you today?

----------


## Pen

> Any way you could get to see your Dr at all?


That line implies I have a doctor. Despite what was said at my discharge meeting about talking to the surgery I dont have a named GP. Officially on paper it is a dr who is the head of the practise Dr B. I know him personally (he ran a course on christianity that I went to for two years) and he is a nice enough guy but I dont like him as a dr. Anyway that aside I am not going to waste my time trying to get through on the phone to see someone who wont be able to do anything anyway. I am all mixed up about dr's as far as I am concerned they are all a bunch of charlatans out to make money from sick people. I am not sick I dont need their false concern and chemicals.

----------


## OldMike

I can see your point Pen getting an appointment is a pain.

As a child I always saw the same doctor, then from my 20's to 40' never went to the doctor much.

Mid 40's on I had a really good doctor I'd always see, since he retired a few years ago and the surgery has expanded and doctors now come and go it is more difficult to see a doctor who knows you and your history.




> ...
> I am all mixed up about dr's as far as I am concerned they are all a bunch of charlatans out to make money from sick people.
> ...


I must take issue with you there Pen most doctors IMO are trying to do a good job but are limited by the time allowed and constraints imposed on them by the NHS structure, targets etc.

----------


## April_is_beautiful

> That line implies I have a doctor. Despite what was said at my discharge meeting about talking to the surgery I dont have a named GP. Officially on paper it is a dr who is the head of the practise Dr B. I know him personally (he ran a course on christianity that I went to for two years) and he is a nice enough guy but I dont like him as a dr. Anyway that aside I am not going to waste my time trying to get through on the phone to see someone who wont be able to do anything anyway. I am all mixed up about dr's as far as I am concerned they are all a bunch of charlatans out to make money from sick people. I am not sick I dont need their false concern and chemicals.


I can relate to your sentiments about doctors, there are some good ones for mental health but from my experience it's probably about 1 in 15. I think genuinely caring people entered the medical field to make a difference but have become jaded and demoralised by the health service and this comes out with the patients. Some doctors have literally spent 4 minutes with me, shoved a prescription in my face and got me out of the office. My official doctor changes every year as they even out the lists. I try to see one particular doctor who seems a bit more wise and human. He can't really help that much but at least the interaction is balanced.

----------

OldMike (21-12-15)

----------


## Suzi

Pen - I thought you saw a good one a while ago? Are you not on meds anymore?

----------


## Pen

Yes Dr Baumont but I wont be able to see her again, you have to go with who ever is free. Anyway she did not do anything, she said she would contact the CMHT but she never did. Yes I am still on meds but I have not seen a dr about them since February, they are just on a rolling repeat prescription. I am thinking I will stop taking them in the new year.
I'm sure that there are some good ones out there, but I am also sure that on my records it just says "leave her alone and she will sort herself out eventually" I have seen them numerous times about my blocked ear, my scalp issues and my mouth problems and they never have any idea what to do about any of them. So I have learnt to live with the noise in my ear, try out various different shampoos and suck menthol sweets (menthol acts as a natural anesthetic). As for MH problems I know that there is no point at all in asking for help.

----------


## Paula

Pen DONT stop your meds without medical support. They do work, you've been well for so long now. This is a dip, yes, but you can and will get through  :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Can you try to get a phone appointment to chase things up and to see if anyone can help with anything. Please don't stop taking your meds if you aren't able to see a regular Dr..

----------


## Pen

Folks thank you all for your concern but there is nothing the medical profession can do for me so I wont be bothering them. As Paula has said I am sure that this will pass when I have had a break.
I know that what I am feeling at the moment is a relapse of the physical affects I get with my depression. I can barely eat, am hardly drinking, just feel like I am carrying a  10lb lead weight inside me, cant concentrate, struggling with sleep and am just so tired all the time and by 3 in the afternoon I have to lie down for an hour to be able to carry on. If I still feel like this when I get to the end of my break then I may do something but no one would be willing to help when I have just been like this for a week.

----------


## rose

You sound really stressed out and fed up.  :Panda:

----------


## Pen

Posted a load of pictures upon FB of my finished work if you want a look.

----------


## rose

I did look  :):  Very nice indeed  :):

----------


## Suzi

Loving your work! Your hearts and the yarn bowls are fantastic!

----------


## Pen

I have strung the hearts together with some gold and white string and they will be a present for my Dad's girlfriend. Really pleased with how they are coming out, they have been a popular idea with a number of my students and I have been asked to make another set for someone for the new year. I have been investigating soaking porous clay like terracotta in essential oils and in the new year plan to make sets of terracotta hearts with a fragrance ready for valentines day.

----------

OldMike (22-12-15),Paula (21-12-15),S deleted (21-12-15)

----------


## rose

Oh yes that sounds wonderful!!!

----------


## Paula

Oh sounds delicious  :):

----------


## S deleted

Sounds like a fab idea.

----------


## Pen

Sounds like I have a project lined up  :(wasntme): 

At the moment I am just suffering total exhaustion. I did manage to unload and reload the kiln, take photos, do a little tiding up, walk Ember (just the once but that was not my fault she refused to leave the house this morning!) and wrap three presents. I feel really guilty that I can only do about half an hour of stuff before I have to have a sit down and H has been blitzing the studio all day. I am hoping that I will find a bit more energy soon. I did manage to eat a slice of pizza and a few chips this evening which was pretty much all I have had to eat all day. Ember was devastated, yesterday she got a plate filled with mash potato, baked beans and quorn kiev for her tea as I could only manage about three mouthfuls, she sat and watched me eat everything tonight in disgust! I only left the barest trace of mayonaise for her to lick up.

----------


## rose

I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself. You're working lots of hours to build up your business and you clearly need a rest. I am glad you ate something  :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Talking to H this evening I have decided to give all my customers a calendar for the year of when I will be open and try and give myself a week off every 7 or 8 weeks. Looking back over the last few months it seems that I go about that time before I burn myself out.

----------


## Pen

Well this sucks. It's just gone 4 and I think I have had about 30 minutes sleep so far tonight. The last time I joined the 4 am club I was in hospital!

----------


## S deleted

At least you aren't alone

----------


## April_is_beautiful

> Talking to H this evening I have decided to give all my customers a calendar for the year of when I will be open and try and give myself a week off every 7 or 8 weeks. Looking back over the last few months it seems that I go about that time before I burn myself out.


This is sensible. I've totally burnt myself out being self-employed before. I thought I could manage but I couldn't. A wise man knows his limitations.

----------


## Paula

Yay!! She finally admits she's not superwoman! Seriously, love, I think having your own 'terms' with a break in between is a brilliant idea.  You're awesome but not indestructible

----------


## Suzi

I think the term idea is fantastic. Why push it to 7 or 8 weeks? Why not give yourself grace and make it 6?

----------


## Pen

> I think the term idea is fantastic. Why push it to 7 or 8 weeks? Why not give yourself grace and make it 6?


I would like to make it 6 but I need to be running classes during the school breaks and cant seem to make 6 week slots work round them, however I may have found a system whereby I take the first week off after the school break, although of course the Summer break is a pain.

----------


## Suzi

I was going to suggest staggering it, but you've already thought of that! The Summer break you could have in 2 halves maybe with a week off in the middle?

----------


## OldMike

> Talking to H this evening I have decided to give all my customers a calendar for the year of when I will be open and try and give myself a week off every 7 or 8 weeks. Looking back over the last few months it seems that I go about that time before I burn myself out.


Hi Pen, I know you're a hard worker and don't want to let any of your customers down, but you do need to pace yourself and give yourself a break. Some time time away from the stress of work a time to recharge your batteries.

PS: Just looking at your art, I'm glad Larry has now got Laurence as fried (we all need friends  :):  )

The hearts look great, I thought they may be quite large but they're not if you can make them in to a necklace.

One thing I'm interested in is the Celtic knot, can't see a size though if they weren't too big I thought of getting 4 and putting them in diamond formation, I would like subtly different colours and form between them or maybe contrasting colours.

Just some of my thoughts, no pressure, you can take as long as you like to make them (months or even a year), because your courses must take priority.

Take care Mike

----------


## Pen

> The hearts look great, I thought they may be quite large but they're not if you can make them in to a necklace.


They are quite large. The largest is 10cm across. You cant make them into a necklace but they make great wall hangings and if they were soaked in essential oils then they would scent a room I think.




> One thing I'm interested in is the Celtic knot, can't see a size though if they weren't too big I thought of getting 4 and putting them in diamond formation, I would like subtly different colours and form between them or maybe contrasting colours.


The knot is 26cm from the top of the diamond to the bottom. I had not thought about making them as tiles but I could make them a standard size quite easily, what size would work best?

----------


## Pen

> I was going to suggest staggering it, but you've already thought of that! The Summer break you could have in 2 halves maybe with a week off in the middle?


What!... and lose £500 income!!!!  :S:

----------


## OldMike

> What!... and lose £500 income!!!!


I maybe getting things wrong here not knowing your personal circumstances or your backstory, so just kick me if I am (*puts on some shin pads*), health or money, I'd go for health any time.

----------

Paula (22-12-15)

----------


## OldMike

> They are quite large. The largest is 10cm across. You cant make them into a necklace but they make great wall hangings and if they were soaked in essential oils then they would scent a room I think.
> 
> 
> The knot is 26cm from the top of the diamond to the bottom. I had not thought about making them as tiles but I could make them a standard size quite easily, what size would work best?


Much bigger than I thought, was thinking the knot was 10cm so would not need as many so 2 or 3 on a diagonal at the top of the stairs would look good as 26cm is quite large, will need to think about it, thanks for the info Pen.

----------


## Pen

It was only messing around so that I had a project to get the kids to do next year, but I may well look at making something like this as proper six inch tiles

----------


## rose

What about a week off after each school holiday, plus a week off before the summer holidays? So, 7 weeks holiday a year?
I say a week 'off' but I doubt anyone will be able to stop you working on your personal projects during those times.
So just 7 weeks a year with no classes?

----------


## Pen

Yes something like that. I have the last week of June booked to go away and only three weeks later the summer holidays start so I was thinking that I would make that two weeks off together, one away and one at home. I think I have six weeks marked off excluding the run up to next Christmas.... I am not sure that it is a bit excessive though as it comes to 35 days holiday a year...

Mike, I take your point but the Summer season is a big one for me, if it goes like last year I hope to make nearly three months income in the six weeks which helps to pay for the weeks when I have to take a break, after all no work, no pay..

----------


## rose

It may be 35 days a year, but you are currently working a 6 day week... so it kind of evens out?

----------


## Suzi

Just wanted to say, the last yarn bowl you've put up I have fallen madly in love with it! It's completely beautiful!

----------


## Pen

Yes quite pleased with it. H suggested painting the inside of each hole, so I got her to do it! and it has worked well I think.

Just had another look at the photo and actually you cant really see that each hole is painted in green, I actually thinks it looks better in real life than the photo.

----------

Suzi (23-12-15)

----------


## Pen

Spoken to my bro and told him that I cant deal with him and the tribe coming so I will take my Dad up to his place on Boxing day. Would rather not do that either but I guess I had better show willing. It will mean that I will need to go and buy a load more presents so I have something to give to the kids as they will expect us bearing gifts and I sent their parents money for their presents instead...
I have also finished wrapping all my presents so far but now I am feeling terrible. I have that sick feeling back and that lead weight again.

----------


## Paula

Well done for managing things with your brother and hugs  :(bear):

----------


## OldMike

Hi Pen I know this is easier said than done, just try and pace yourself and don't overdo things.  :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

:Panda:   :(bear):

----------


## magie06

Just look at all you've achieved today. You are amazing and I think you do such a great job in your day to day life it nearly takes my breath away. Never say you are not making a difference, because you make a difference in my life every day.

----------


## rose

> Spoken to my bro and told him that I cant deal with him and the tribe coming so I will take my Dad up to his place on Boxing day.


I think this is a very good decision Pen.

----------


## Pen

Been so very tired today. Managed to tidy the sitting room a bit but so dreading Friday.

----------


## rose

Why are you dreading it?

----------


## Suzi

What is it about Friday that you're dreading?

----------


## magie06

Why are you dreading  friday?

----------


## Pen

Oh just having to be busy and happy when all I really want to do at the moment is sleep!

----------


## rose

The day will pass so quickly.... and loads of people sneak in a nap after lunch on Christmas Day! Will hubby be with you? And who else?

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Pen

> The day will pass so quickly.... and loads of people sneak in a nap after lunch on Christmas Day! Will hubby be with you? And who else?


Oh most of the alphabet! M,J,U,H,A, Dad and his GF, P and hubby.

----------


## Paula

> Oh most of the alphabet! M,J,U,H,A, Dad and his GF, P and hubby.


 :(giggle):

----------


## OldMike

> Oh most of the alphabet! M,J,U,H,A, Dad and his GF, P and hubby.


Pen that's so funny  :(rofl):  I'm glad you explained earlier what all those letters meant, otherwise I might have thought it was an algebraic expression.

----------


## Pen

> Pen that's so funny  I'm glad you explained earlier what all those letters meant, otherwise I might have thought it was an algebraic expression.


OK my Christmas as an algebraic equation....
Pen
(H+A)+((J+U)(H+M))+(D+P)

and Boxing Day
Pen+Dad
     9+(V+B)

----------

OldMike (25-12-15),Paula (24-12-15),S deleted (26-12-15)

----------


## Pen

Ooooo.. hubby bought me a Smart TV/DVD combo for the upstairs studio and J has bought me a solution for my internet in the studio so I can get decent internet out there. So I can surf the internet and watch TV whilst I am at my desk in my "den". I may never be seen again!!! (and A has let me use has Netflix account so I can watch all sorts of stuff.)
However now I am exhausted, I am hiding in the house with Ember.

----------

Paula (25-12-15)

----------


## Suzi

That's fab!

----------


## Pen

What a day. H had a breakdown in the kitchen as things did not goto schedule and we finally got lunch at 3:30, by which time my BIL was getting quite cheesed off. BTW, although I think he did get near to a razor this morning, he certainly did not get anything else washed... he stank! After he went this evening I had to Frebreeze the chair and cushions and I don't think I can really use the chair till I wash the covers! Part the reason I escaped into some space of my own when I posted before was I could not bear the smell anymore. I am not looking forward to him living nearer! He also has very little understanding of manners and when he arrived asked H if she knew anyone who wanted a good shag! 
H would not let me help with the dinner until things got really fraught and she knocked the jug with the gravy granules over the floor so I took over the gravy. HOWEVER I mis read the packet and put 4 tablespoons in the jug rather than 4 teaspoons. So rather than the half pint of water it said to add I have to add about 2 pints to get it usable and even then it was a very thick gravy!!
After lunch I did manage to persuade BIL to settle in the house with hubby for company in front of the fire and watch the soaps on TV whilst the rest of us played games out in the studio (well the kids and Dad did I retreated upstairs in the studio to test out my new toy!!)
I have to say though the best part of the day was after hubby took everyone away and it was just H, A and me and we played a simple card game for a few hours whilst munching through the cheese board selection that Dad had left behind!

----------


## OldMike

aaawwwww sounded a bit of a disaster, about the gravy did you serve it in slices  :(think):  , at least it ended on a good note with you, H & A playing cards and munching on pieces of cheese.

----------


## Paula

Niiiiice thing to ask your niece, or anyone lol ........

----------


## Suzi

Highly appropriate to ask your niece?! 
If the only thing that went wrong with the dinner was the gravy then I think that should count as a success! Hope today is easier for you x

----------


## Pen

Only managed to escape to the studio at 4 oclock. I am here all alone, no sign of hubby. Planned to do some drawing but had a good slug of Apricot Brandy and now not sure I can hold a pen.  :(rofl):

----------


## rose

Where is hubby, did he take his brother back?
Does hubby know that his brother isn't washing? Maybe when they move it could be high up the list to get him under a hot shower a couple of times a week!
Never mind about the gravy, some people like it thick  :O:  It sounds like it went ok overall and being able to get internet out in the studio will be really useful.

----------


## Pen

He took his brother back last night and has not returned. It is a bit of a standing joke that he will have gone to buy my birthday present today (my birthday is tomorrow) but I had expected him here by now.
Oh hubby knows that M does not wash. I dont think M has had a bath for 9 years. Last time I visited their house (a couple of years ago) I had to dust the handbasin before I could wash my hands after using the loo and the shower did not look like it had been used since their mother died in 2006. 
Ember has had a special dinner tonight, I cooked up some old mince that was in the freezer and mixed it with some of the gravy and some dog biscuits. She throughly enjoyed it and almost licked the pattern off.
I am up in my den. Internet is working well and I am watching the Duchess on Netflix.

----------


## Suzi

Glad Ember had a lovely dinner!

----------


## rose

Yuck, no wonder you did not want him living with you. That's gross. Urrrggghhhhh.

I hope hubby turns up soon.

 :(bear):

----------


## Pen

Hubby arrived at about 8 last night so alls well (I suspect he did make a detour on his way to buy my birthday present)

Been a good birthday so far even though I feel every inch of my half centuary. Ah all down hill from here!!
My kids have been suffering from postal delays, J says he has an awsome present for me but it has not been delivered in time (H says its awsome as well and so I am quite looking forward to getting it eventually!!) H said she was hoping that he present would arrive on time but that also was delayed. However H has bought me a big box of peanut M&M's which is fab!. Hubby being the old romantic has bought me a heater for the studio, I was not expecting anything as he bought me a special vacuum cleaner for cleaning the kiln a month or so ago and told me it was my bday present.  :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Happy birthday!  :(party):

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## rose

Happy Birthday  :(bear):

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## OldMike

_Happy Birthday Pen_

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## Suzi

So glad you're having a lovely day! Happy birthday!

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## Pen

Welll.... sun has been shining and there has been hardly any wind so hubby no longer had an excuse not to put up the shed. Its going to be tight timewise though as I recon he has less than an hours daylight left now and he still has to finish putting the rood and doors on. It was certainly a two man job as you had to have someone to hold the panels and I suspect I will be needed again yet to fix the roof but I have come in to thaw out!
Poor Ember has not been out today I had planned to take her first thing but then hubby made me a second breakfast, then I went out for coffee with a friend and did the banking. When I got back he desperatly needed help so I have not dared venture far since in case I am needed. We were going to have a go at training her to follow the bike today. There are lots of cycle tracks round here and I though if she would follow the bike I could give her longer runs as well as improving my fitness as well! but I dont think that is going to happen today. :(rofl):  Once I am over the railway bridge here there are cycle tracks right up to the chemist I use which is about two miles away so I was hoping I could get her to come with me and I cycle up to get my tablets each week.

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## Paula

Hubby tried to do that with our boy greyhound. Except he kept him on the lead and every time Polo felt a pull on the lead, he stopped dead - sending hubby over the handlebars  :O:

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OldMike (29-12-15)

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## Pen

My old dog Cassie loved the bike. I used to take her to a disused railway line that has been turned into a walk/cycle track and she would happily trot along behind me. She was the sort of dog that was not built for speed but endurance so I used to go miles with her and she could just keep a steady trot going for ever!

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OldMike (29-12-15)

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## Pen

Way hey!!! Finally finished the washing up from christmas!! and cleaned the nooks and crannies of the work surfaces and washed the floor and done two loads of washing.
If only the kitchen would stay looking like that!

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Paula (30-12-15)

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## magie06

Wow, can you can your energy, and send it to me. I could do with spending a whole day cleaning, but it's not going to happen any day soon.

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## OldMike

> Wow, can you can your energy, and send it to me. I could do with spending a whole day cleaning, but it's not going to happen any day soon.


Me too Magie, I soon run out of energy these days, send me some cans of energy too.  :): 

Pen I bet your house is as bright and sparkly as a new pin.

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## Pen

> Me too Magie, I soon run out of energy these days, send me some cans of energy too. 
> 
> Pen I bet your house is as bright and sparkly as a new pin.


 :(rofl):  Just the kitchen... rest of the house is untidy and covered in dog hair. Proud of myself tonight, not only cooked the dogs dinner but cooked my own as well.  




> Wow, can you can your energy, and send it to me. I could do with spending a whole day cleaning, but it's not going to happen any day soon.


. It was not the whole day just an hour. I have a very small kitchen!!

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  Paula! 

Pen, it sounds like you are doing really awesomely today! What's the shed like?

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## Pen

It was pitch dark when he had finished so I have not yet seen it. However hubby says I will have to push the shed wall a bit to get the door open as the patio it is stood on is not quite level! He wants to put some boards down on the floor before I start filling it up but wont be back till late tomorrow (gone back to his brother again tonight). However I plan to get some stuff in there although he will have to take it back out for the floor.

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## OldMike

Hubby will need some pieces of wood or slate or maybe some plastic or metal shims to level it up, depends how much it is out of level. If the base is not level and the sides not vertical, opening and closing the door could always be a problem.

That's my DIY tip for the day.  :): 

I'm sure hubby will sort it.  :(nod): 

Seems a shame you got to fill it then empty it again so he can do the floor, sounds like a lot of extra work.

At least it is getting there.

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## rose

Well done, you have every reason to be proud. A clean kitchen and meals made, and a new shed to play with!  :):

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## Pen

Mmmmm wind got up last night. Empty plastic shed, not secured to ground.... Thankfully just moved a foot sideways!

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## Pen

I know that I have got everything I have ever dreamed of, that I have a secure future doing things I love. But this morning I just want to stop breathing. I dont know why, nothing is up, I just feel so tired and dead, every little thing seems like a battle, even getting washed and dressed.

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## Paula

:(bear):  you've been so very busy setting up a new business, all the courses you're running, a new house, building the studio, dealing with the bungalow for M and hubby. Put on top of that prep for the holiday period, I truly think you're exhausted and this in between week, with no courses, means it's probably all caught up with you itms.

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## Pen

45 minutes tiding the studio and I am cream crackered!! Moved a load of heavy tools into the shed to try and stop it walking off.

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## Suzi

Yup, I'm with Paula - you really haven't stopped and rested for such a long time now. It's all going to catch up with you and you'll have to take a proper break..

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## Pen

Well, its wet and cold so I have lit the fire and had a kip and some lunch and will do some drawing.

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## Paula

> Well, its wet and cold so I have lit the fire and had a kip and some lunch and will do some drawing.


Sounds perfect  :):

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## Suzi

Did you manage to spend your day doing lovely things?

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## Pen

I spent the afternoon watching TV and listening to the radio whilst trying to do some drawing. Feel terrible. Dont know if I will bother with dinner tonight I was picking at cheese and biscuits and sweets for a while this afternoon so not hungry. I have cooked Ember some fish and rice for her tea so she is sorted. I think I will goto bed.

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## Suzi

:Panda:  I sympathise, feeling vile myself x

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## Paula

Night hunni

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## Pen

> I sympathise, feeling vile myself x


 :(bear):  Hope you feel better soon.

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## Paula

How are you feeling, Pen?

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## Pen

Tired. However I have too much to do and the sun is shining so Hubby is going to come with me on the dog walk and we are going to see how Ember reacts to the bike. Then we are going to B&Q or Wicks or Jewsons to get some boards for the shed and three sets of shelves, then Aldi to get some storage boxes so I can finally sort the christmas decorations out properly for storage.
Then I am going to clear out the first half of the studio, give it a good clean and paint the floor....

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## Suzi

Oh yeah, sounds like resting to me  :^):   :(think):

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## Pen

> Oh yeah, sounds like resting to me


 :(rofl):  Oh yes very restful  :(rofl): 
Just come back from the walk. Ember was OK with the bike, only problem was that Hubby was with me so she was torn as to who to be with, but she did run alongside the bike without a problem and was fine walking alongside it as he pushed it over the railway bridge. Only little mishap we had was at the end when I was holding the lead and pushing the bike and came to a puddle. I walked through and she stopped dead and slipped her lead. She hates walking through water!
The exercise did me good, I worked up a slight sweat but I do feel much better for getting out for a while and I am not as nearly saddle sore as I thought I would be considering I don't think I have ridden the bike for four years! I had also forgotten what a lovely ride that bike is. It might get taken out of the shed more often now!

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## Suzi

Sounds like a lovely time!

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## rose

You're inspiring me to get my bike sorted so I can get back on it and get fit again! (All I need now is a dog to take with me!)

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## Paula

Sounds lovely, Pen. And that can count as resting, probably  :O:

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## Pen

When I got back with the shopping I did some housework then settled down to watch the Great Gatsby. Hubby went and secured the shed to the ground, however it seems I have lost my shed. Now it is up he wants it back.... He plans to move a load of stuff in this weekend and says that it will be so full I wont even be able to get my fold up bike in there! I wish he had told me that before I bought two sets of shelves and paid for the timber floor!

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## rose

Say no!!!! Its your house, your shed!!! He can get his own shed when he moves!!!!

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## Pen

Well he did pay for it and I always said that he could not store stuff in the Studio but could have a shed instead. He wants to use the shed to store stuff in prior to the move. Maybe once he gets into the new place I will get a shot at getting it back.

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## Suzi

Oh no!

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## Pen

He is not happy now as I have told him he can no longer store all his stuff in the studio. However he is trying to appease me by offering to do some carpentry and make some more surfaces for me.

Feeling very anxious tonight. Yesterday a large filling fell out of a molar. Ever since we moved here we have used the same dentist. When we came he was a one man band in a converted garage, over time he grew and moved into a house with two hyginists on the ground floor and him and another dentist on the first floor. THEN the big boys moved in and two brothers, both dentists have been steadily buying out the smaller guys and shutting them down. Finally my dentist was made an offer he could not refuse and they bought his practise and customer list... He still practises but within the much larger organisation.
Going to the dentist terrifies me anyway but knowing that I have to goto this big place where I have never been before, with ultra modern souless reception has me in bits. I am trying to decide if I can live with this huge hole in my tooth, after all its not causing me any pain...

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## Suzi

Sorry about the filing, I'm the last person to talk to about anything like that though so I'm crap at giving advice..

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## Paula

I can completely understand your fear but, as hubby found out to his cost last week, ignoring these things makes it worse.  He ended up with an exposed nerve and now has to go back for a root canal and a crown.  Get it sorted before you do more damage, love

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## rose

I agree with Paula. As horrible as going to the Dentist is, it can be a lot more painful if you ignore it.

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## Pen

Well I have made the appointment, Wed at 9, I am in bits about it. I wont be seeing my old dentist, I cant afford him anymore, so its a new centre and a new dentist... AAARRRGGG

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## rose

When you go in, you could be honest about how fearful you are. That might help you to be reassured by the Dentist and relax.

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## Suzi

Be honest about how scared you are lovely.. Good luck.

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## Paula

Is someone going with you?

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## Pen

H said she would come with me.

OMG less than 24 hours till my students come back and the studio is still upside down...

Hubby just has no idea really... He moved the car roof box to the middle of the drive so he could put the shed up. and there it has stayed, in the way of anyone coming through my gate... the main route my customers take to my studio. I said to him this evening "that cannot stay there" To which he said "why not?" AAARRRGGG he said "well I dont know where else to put it" I said "I dont care it cannot stay there!, put it the other side of the garden anywhere you like BUT NOT THERE" he is now in a huff.... He has left several large sheets of board in front of the shelves where customers put there work. I have no idea where I am going to put them but again they cannot stay there... I am very grateful for the work he has done in the studio and he has worked hard cleaning the patio and scrubbing off the algae, but sometimes he is infuriating! We had a ownership issue earlier. Back in Feb he bought a battery powered drill which he said was mine to use. Tonight its HIS drill... although he did eventually back down and agree it was OUR drill.

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## Paula

Oh that sounds like a very familiar type of 'discussion'. I'm glad H is going with you.

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## Suzi

Glad that you have H going with you lovely.. And yes sounds like a similar "debate" that we'd have too  :O:

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## Pen

Just finished clearing and sorting the studio.... Pictures on FB and web site shortly.

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## Suzi

Looks amazing!

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## OldMike

Looks so pristine and well organised, go you.

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## Pen

Well is does not so now. I dropped a glass jar of red slip onto the concrete floor. Looks like a chainsaw massacre happened in there!

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## Angie

opps hun. But accidents happen

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## Paula

Oh no!!  :(:

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## Pen

H is out there cleaning up  :(rofl): . I will have to go and mix up a fresh batch in a minute.

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## Suzi

Oh no!

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## Pen

Drinking lots of sweet tea and eating shortbread... Dentist trip over. 

Nice young man, he could have been young enough to be my son! H said she though he looked younger than her!
However I comforted myself that if he was freshly qualified he would know all the modern practises and would do everything by the book.
He was fine. Not sure I was...
Throughout the filling I tried to keep myself calm by trying to remember all the new glazes that arrived yesterday and what they would look like on pottery and what I could make to test them out. It got me through.
Best bit though was finding out that as I was on Tax credits it was all free. Which as he did a check up and x-rays as well would have cost me over £100 with my old dentist. Felt more comfortable booking a 6 month check up knowing I could afford one.

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## Paula

You're awesome! Well done, lovely  :):

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## Pen

:(rofl):  My awesomeness continues! Just taken Ember for her first solo bike ride. I need to fit her with a bell though so I know when she is with me as whenever I turn round in the saddle to look at where she is my hands turn in the other direction and I end up in the hedge/ditch/muddy field. She is getting better in walking nicely with the bike when I am pushing it, but when I am riding it she is still not used to me disappearing so fast and stops to sniff and gets left behind.

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## Paula

Bless her  :):

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## rose

Well done on your trip to the dentist and the bike ride! You are sounding more like yourself again which is great. Do you feel any better?

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## Suzi

Aww sounds so lovely!

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## Pen

> Well done on your trip to the dentist and the bike ride! You are sounding more like yourself again which is great. Do you feel any better?


Yes a lot better. Being busy at work is helping a lot. I am usually better when I get into a routine.

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rose (06-01-16)

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## Pen

Christmas has certainly spoiled Ember. She is turning her nose up at dog food. She wants fresh cooked mince and rice (or variations thereof) and would rather go hungry than eat tinned meat. She has also decided that she wants to go out in the car every afternoon for her walk rather than a trot round to the local field. She refuses to have her lead on unless she can get in the car. She has worked out that a car ride ends in interesting walks, possibly on the beach!

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## OldMike

> Yes a lot better. Being busy at work is helping a lot. I am usually better when I get into a routine.


Cool glad to hear you are feeling a lot better Pen.




> Christmas has certainly spoiled Ember. She is turning her nose up at dog food. She wants fresh cooked mince and rice (or variations thereof) and would rather go hungry than eat tinned meat. She has also decided that she wants to go out in the car every afternoon for her walk rather than a trot round to the local field. She refuses to have her lead on unless she can get in the car. She has worked out that a car ride ends in interesting walks, possibly on the beach!


Poor Ember having to get used to tinned dog food again, I bet she looks at you with pleading eyes saying "please mummy can I have home cooked food not this tinned stuff".

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## Suzi

Lol @ Ember!

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## Paula

:(rofl):

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## Pen

> I bet she looks at you with pleading eyes saying "please mummy can I have home cooked food not this tinned stuff".


Its more a look of utter disgust... "REALLY? you expect me to eat THIS!"

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## Pen

Uggg. Overslept this morning, feel like  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ...

At 9:30 Dad rings. He knows that when I have a class not to ring me before it. So he looks at his schedule, sees I have a class scheduled for this morning so rings me up to see if I have a class this morning.... I am sure that makes sense to someone somewhere but it has me baffled. As it happens I have cancelled the class that was on a Thursday morning so he did not get his head bitten off which would have happened if I had been in the last minute rush to prepare for a class.

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## OldMike

Hi Pen your dad was just looking out for you and seeing if you were okay, he was probably wondering if the schedule was right so was just checking.

In life you do get these situations if someone doesn't call you they're ignoring you if the do call they're interfering, such is the complexity of human existence.

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## Suzi

Oh no! Was he OK?

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## Pen

Yes he is fine. He is just lonely I suspect. 

Trying get myself calmed down at the moment. Went out to get supplies. Bought a load of clay, bubblewrap and other stuff at the scrapstore, then dropped down to the college as the art supplier was having a sale there.  BIG MISTAKE. It was not just that I had planned to buy just one item (£18) but ended up spending £75 it was the whole being back in the college thing, it quite upset me. Not least by my ex ceramics teacher obviously going out of his way to avoid talking to me. I then went onto Asda and did a comfort shop. Spent lots of money I cant really afford on stuff like a new shirt, chocolate peanuts, malt loaf and cheese... lots of cheese...

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## rose

Why would your old ceramics teacher do that, did you not get along?

I have a massive problem with shopping and over spending once I get into shops, so I can sympathise.

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## Pen

> Why would your old ceramics teacher do that, did you not get along?


We always got along fine so it hurt today. I dont know why he did that, apart from he told us years ago not to expect to be his friend when we had finished the course, it was a purely professional relationship not a personal one. I also dont know if he is a bit narked that I am successfully running courses in competition with the college. Or maybe I am just reading much more into it than was there and he was just preoccupied with the class he is teaching today to think of anything else.

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## rose

It sounds as if it is more to do with him than you, I wouldn't take it personally.

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## OldMike

> We always got along fine so it hurt today. I dont know why he did that, apart from he told us years ago not to expect to be his friend when we had finished the course, it was a purely professional relationship not a personal one. I also dont know if he is a bit narked that I am successfully running courses in competition with the college. Or maybe I am just reading much more into it than was there and he was just preoccupied with the class he is teaching today to think of anything else.


Hi Pen, your old ceramics tutor may have problems of his own, or may have other things on his mind.

I find that depression can easily cause you to misinterpret things, at times it only takes a wrong word about a trivial thing and I can go on a right downer as my mental state can be so volatile.

I don't think he has anything against you, you're probably just misinterpreting things, just my thoughts.

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## Suzi

Sorry it didn't go well with him, but I agree with the others that I'm sure it wasn't meant as a personal snub.. 
Oh and I overbuy things all the time!

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## Paula

What woman doesn't overbuy? Particularly when upset. Hope you're feeling calmer now  :(bear):

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## Pen

Yes a bit. Not very happy tonight, had 4 people booked on a class and none of them came... But did spend the evening preparing templates to use with the Stroke Group tomorrow morning.

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## magie06

You are so industrious every day and you get so much done. I think you should put your skills to good use and show us here how you do it?

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## Suzi

Had they paid upfront? I hate it when people say they will do something and don't.

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## Pen

> You are so industrious every day and you get so much done. I think you should put your skills to good use and show us here how you do it?


Sometimes its VERY hard. I suspect that my sofa is really a black hole because once I place my butt on it I really struggle to get off! So therefore I try hard not to sit on it in the first place.
I try not to look at a the end point of a goal just the stages. So tonight for example I knew that I wanted to make flower bowls with the group tomorrow and that they would need cardboard templates to cut round. I also knew that I would want a few different types of bowls. If I had thought in advance of everything I would have needed to do in one shot I would have given up and gone to bed! Instead I started by cutting out one petal in paper. This I then cut in clay and tried it in the bowl that will hold the clay in shape whilst we make these. Then I cut another and another till the bowl was full. Then I tweaked the clay shapes till they fitted. Then I recut the paper template from the clay and finally once I was happy cut the template into cardboard. I then did this process all over again with another flower shape and so on till I had three flower bowls to show the people tomorrow. By doing everything in little stages I can get quite productive.
It helps that my mother drummed into me as a kid.  "dont kill time, work it to death" but aside from that I also like the saying a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. My psychologist also said to me "dont expect to start by being motivated, motivation comes later. Just start something and keep going"

Back in September my daughter and I went for a walk up in the Mendips and we decided to climb up one of the hills. My daughter is very unfit and she was really struggling to get up to the summit as she kept looking at the top and it seemed such a long way away. So she was ready to quit. Instead I set her little targets... "lets just get to that next bush and catch our breath", "If you can get to that fence post we can stop" and so on and eventually we got to the top, could look back at what we had climbed and admire the amazing view and she was delighted with her achievement.  Often my days are like that, just aiming for little steps towards the top, trying not to think too much of how much mountain there is in front of me to climb.

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Paula (08-01-16)

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## Pen

> Had they paid upfront? I hate it when people say they will do something and don't.


Nope. Two of them did make valid excuses but there should have been two new people so dont know what happened to them!

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## Paula

Have you thought about taking deposits?

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## Suzi

I agree, deposits might hep?

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## OldMike

> Have you thought about taking deposits?


Paula must've been reading my mind I was thinking of your students making a deposit which they would lose if they didn't give you sufficient notice that they couldn't attend a class.

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## Pen

Not for these. Generally these are people who will come every week, its more like a club than a college class so if the dont come I dont make them pay and to be fair most of the people who come to these classes have a guniune reason if they miss a session, like they are ill, or a relative is ill, they enjoy it too much to just not come. However when I feel someone is taking the  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  and holding a place but continually not coming I warn them then bump them off. I generally don't have much trouble filling spaces  :(rofl):

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Paula (08-01-16)

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## Pen

Stroke group this morning went well with the flower bowl making. I hit a level that they could all manage and as I had templates for three levels of complexity there was something for all disabilities. The simplest one to make was a poppy and I knew that would be popular with the men as they did not feel they were being patronised by making a simple flower and it was. I think they all enjoyed it. Now I have to come up with something for them to make in two weeks time! At least one of them can only use one hand so I will have to think carefully about what to do. On another good note the group has been given a lump sum of money to spend on specialist art materials so the coordinator has said that the group will buy a hand controller for the wheel I am planning to get shortly so that they can have a go on the wheel. (Boy that is going to be hilarious and VERY messy!).

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## OldMike

Hi Pen sounds like great therapy for people who have had strokes, I can only marvel at how you've organized it to to cover a range of disabilities, you should be justly proud of what you've done today.

Haha playing with clay sounds real messy but a great deal of fun and you finish up with something useful and/or artistic in the end (we hope  :):  ).

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## Suzi

Pen that's brilliant about the stroke group. I bet that the group organisers are so grateful to you. So many places just say no or come up with stupid reasons why it's not a good idea. I think it's awesome that you are going to so much trouble.

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OldMike (08-01-16)

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## Paula

The hand control sounds fab! So the mission is to come up with someone to rival flowers? Hmmm *brain whirrs  :O:

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OldMike (08-01-16)

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## Pen

Phew... made it to the end of the week. All courses done. Takings are not as good as I would have liked this week but I think that things will pick up next.

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OldMike (09-01-16),rose (09-01-16)

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## OldMike

> Phew... made it to the end of the week. All courses done. Takings are not as good as I would have liked this week but I think that things will pick up next.


Pen those flower bowls made by the stroke group looked really good (saw them on Facebook). First week after the New Year things are bound to be a bit slow, hopefully things should liven up in the coming weeks.

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## Suzi

I thought the bowls were beautiful too! You should be proud of helping people to make something that really is beautiful!

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Pen (09-01-16)

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## Pen

Thank you.

Hubby is in danger of being sent home early at the moment. I know that he is finding this upheaval hard but I wish he would stop taking it out on me. It is bad enough listening to his moaning generally about everything (weathers too wet, customers too difficult, trimming wisteria is a nightmare, sheds leaking) without him starting grumbling about me.

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## rose

What have you supposedly done to annoy him?
(Wisteria IS hard to trim!!)

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## Suzi

Do you know why he's struggling so much?

----------


## Pen

> What have you supposedly done to annoy him?
> (Wisteria IS hard to trim!!)


Yes I know it is, especially in the pouring rain in January. I have too much stuff according to him and it is getting in his way when he is in my studio...

----------


## Pen

The worst of it was that there was nothing I could say that was right. I asked him if he would like the bench that is against the back wall as he asked the other day about having it for his shed. I said that he could have it and I would put shelves up there instead, but that became a tirade about how you could not get into that corner because I had so much stuff there. (I don't actually the only thing in the way at the moment is the two duvets I keep for the guide dogs to lie on when they visit). He then started complaining about how he would like to chuck the new shed in the tip as he feels the walls are too thin to lean tools against so I offered him the shelves I had bought to go in there when I thought I would be able to use the shed, but no that was not right either. Then he started complaining that there was too much stuff everywhere, and nothing would fit in anywhere. I asked if he meant his stuff but no he meant mine, what he actually was complaining about was the stuff that is in the upstairs studio, but most of that is boxes waiting for H to finish packing up the xmas decorations and then it will go back into the attic. Then he starts complaining that the garage he is using over in our old village still has a load of stuff in it from the move last year and starts having a go at me because J still has his BMX bike there and has not done anything about selling it. I have to say at that point I nearly sounded like my mother and yelled that I could not do anything right!!! but I held my tongue and went and printed some stuff off. He went to sleep for a while and when he woke he was in a little better mood thankfully.

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magie06 (10-01-16)

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## Pen

> Do you know why he's struggling so much?


Just the house move and everything about it.

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## rose

> I have too much stuff according to him and it is getting in his way when he is in my studio...


YOUR studio. YOUR house.
You don't go round to his house and have a go at him about it, do you? So then he shouldn't do it to you.
I can see why you considered sending him home early!!!

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## Pen

> YOUR studio. YOUR house.
> You don't go round to his house and have a go at him about it, do you? So then he shouldn't do it to you.
> I can see why you considered sending him home early!!!


Exactly. We have been married 24 years and been together 31 if he has not realised that I am untidy by now there is no hope! :(think):

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## Pen

Mike, I cant put my stuff in his shed, after all he did buy it. Just cause its on my land does not mean I can use it. I also said before we moved that he would not be able to use the garage (as it was then) and he said that was ok if he could put up a shed. Unfortunately this shed is proving to be a nightmare all round. The doors wont stay shut. Came down this morning to find them flapping open again, even though they were securely locked last night.

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## Pen

Having a Sunday morning crash  :=(:

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## OldMike

> Having a Sunday morning crash


Awwwww hugs  :(bear):   :Panda:  hope you start to feel better as the day progresses.

Take care Mike

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## Suzi

Oh no! Can you do something to turn things around a bit lovely?

----------


## Paula

:(bear):  how's hubby?

----------


## Pen

> how's hubby?


Don't know. He took himself off to the car boot at 8 this morning and I have not seen him since.

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## rose

> Having a Sunday morning crash


Do you think this might be because you don't have any classes today?

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## Pen

> Do you think this might be because you don't have any classes today?


No, I still have plenty to do, glazes to mix, kiln to repair, slips to make up, stuff to make for valentines day. But my head feels like it is full of cotton wool and I just cant get the energy going.

----------


## Suzi

Don't you normally go to the car boot with him? 

How are you feeling now? Any brighter?

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## Pen

No for the last couple of months he has been going without me. The car boot is much smaller in the winter and not so much fun so he has left me in bed whilst he slips off.

No still not good. I have been in bed since 2:30 trying to get warm. I just feel so cold through to my bones. I figured that there was no point in tying to do anything when wading through custard and maybe a nap would help make me feel a bit more with it and maybe warmer but I dont feel any better.

----------


## Paula

Have you checked your temperature?

----------


## Pen

No but I dont feel feverish or ill in any other way just very tired and cold. I would really like another hot coffee but the thought of getting my feet out from under the duvet is not good. However I may have to shortly as the last coffee I had a few hours ago would like to escape...

For my birthday H bought me a dragon hot water bottle. She filled it up for me a while ago. Of course Ember thought she was bringing her a new soft toy to disembowel so I had to hide it under the cover quick.

----------


## Suzi

Could it be because you "just" need to rest?

----------


## Pen

Just taken my temperature and it is 35.4 degrees, so you can safely say I am not running a fever!

It probably is just that I need to rest.

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## Paula

Glad you've erm realised that (and yes I know, I'm just as bad :O: )

----------


## Pen

I persuaded A to take Ember out. I asked him to take her round the block, I dont know where he took her but she came back coated in mud and very excited. She climbed all over my bed and now I have a VERY muddy bed. I am too tired to change it so will sleep in it tonight and hopefully feel strong enough tomorrow to change it.

----------


## rose

There is so much mud out there, its almost impossible to avoid it now.
I have days where I just can't get warm and end up in bed with a hot water bottle, shivering.
I hope you feel better soon.

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## Paula

Joy.  :^):

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## Pen

She wont let me clean her up. I have managed to get some of the mud off her body and head but if I try and clean her legs she gets shirty with me so I will have to let it dry and drop off...

H cooked me some dinner so I got up and hubby lit the fire but really I just want to go back to bed I feel so tired. Thankfully I do feel a little warmer now although a bit sick after dinner.

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## Suzi

We can't go anywhere without Casey being covered in mud - add 3 children and a husband to that and my house is covered in mud at the moment! 

I really hope you feel better tomorrow lovely..

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## Pen

Feeling a bit better this morning. 
Finally managed to order my new potters wheel so really looking forward to getting it.
Written a letter to hubby's solicitor about the house he is buying. The solicitor has let us know that there is quite a restrictive covenant on the property. It seems that he cannot cut the trees, run a business or keep a caravan out the front of the property, but the bit that made us smile is that he is not allowed to keep pigs! We think that when the land was sold the previous owner was terrified that the land would be used to make the neighbours lives miserable... Mind you not sure how they got round the cutting tree bit when they cleared the land and built a bungalow on it!

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## Paula

:(rofl):

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  :(rofl):

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## Pen

Phew I must be feeling better so far today I have:-
Driven Ember to the big park and walked her
Driven H to and from a job interview
Paid in last weeks takings and bought H and me lunch
filled up the car
Bought a potters wheel
Written to a solicitor
Batt washed a kiln shelf
Made 6 sets of valentines hearts (4 hearts in each set) out of Terracotta
Reconstituted some local clay I processed back in the summer
Made 2 sets of hearts out of said local clay.

Now having a quick drink and a pack of crisps before Ember and I head out for her evening walkies. On my return the kiln should be cool enough to unload.

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## OldMike

> Feeling a bit better this morning. 
> Finally managed to order my new potters wheel so really looking forward to getting it.
> Written a letter to hubby's solicitor about the house he is buying. The solicitor has let us know that there is quite a restrictive covenant on the property. It seems that he cannot cut the trees, run a business or keep a caravan out the front of the property, but the bit that made us smile is that he is not allowed to keep pigs! We think that when the land was sold the previous owner was terrified that the land would be used to make the neighbours lives miserable... Mind you not sure how they got round the cutting tree bit when they cleared the land and built a bungalow on it!


There's a tree preservation order in force on the trees in my garden so you need written permission before you do any pruning.
Mind you it didn't stop the council sending men in who climbed over the back fence and cut some of my trees down. When I got in touch with the council they gave the lame excuse they thought it was council land. I said don't you check the plans it clearly shows it's my garden up to the fence. She said we just assumed it was council land we made a mistake sorry. what a total useless lot my council is too bone idle to do their jobs properly. And it took me months to get them clear away the trees and branches they cut down that just shows how useless my council is.

After that rant best calm down.

Pen you've certainly been very busy today as they say "a ceramic artist's work is never done" 10 out of 10 for effort.

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## Suzi

Wow! You've been so busy! So glad you're feeling brighter.

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## Paula

Soooo pleased today's a better day  :):

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## Pen

Woke this morning to find the boiler was off. AARRRGG hate combi boilers. Thankfully I know how to fix it so its running again but when I asked H if she had not noticed there was no hot water and the house was cold she just said "well it always feels cold in the morning..."

Feeling like  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  again at the moment, not helped by a post on FB that has triggered me.

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## OldMike

Eeeps I hope it wasn't my post about your new potter's wheel (though I can't think why).

I hate combi boilers too the heating side is ok but the water is rubbish, icy cold, scalding hot changing rapidly from scalding hot to icy cold and vise versa never know what you are getting.

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## Paula

Whatever it was, ignore it. Hope your day gets better  :(bear):

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## Pen

Dont worry Mike it was not you.

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OldMike (12-01-16)

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## Suzi

How are you doing now hunni?

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## Pen

Much better thanks.
Running the class for two hours helped as they pretty much all knew what they were doing and just needed me to keep an eye on them and jump in if something was likely to go wrong.

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Paula (12-01-16)

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## Suzi

Good!

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## Pen

OMG, just as if I did not have enough to fit into my days I now have extra stuff to work on and learn!

I decided to teach my two art groups on a Wednesday oil painting. This is a slow step by step course that we are going to do and I am teaching them by demonstrating on my own painting. Now I took the afternoon group and started a painting of a bridge, showing them creating a base coat, composition, marking up and the first steps of the painting process... Then at the end of the session I realised that I would need to do that all over again with the second group SO I would need to start a new painting all over again... SO whilst my two groups work through the process over the coming weeks I have to paint TWO paintings alongside them, BUT of course I cant dedicate myself to just my painting whilst they are working so I will need to finish off each stage on each painting outside the classes ready to demonstrate the next stage. So I have two paintings to work on today. Plus my wheel arrived this morning and I will need to master at least the basics to be able to demonstrate on it ASAP and from my memories of last time I used one that is going to be a time consuming process!!

----------

magie06 (14-01-16),Paula (14-01-16)

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## OldMike

Looks like there isn't enough hours in the day for you Pen.

Your new wheel will be fun, I'll bet it'll be like a kid playing with a new toy.  :O:

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## Suzi

Sounds like fun in your studio!

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## Pen

Yes its great that the biggest stress I have in my life today is to finish two paintings and learn to use a potters wheel  :(rofl):

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## Pen

Right... after an hour on the wheel remembered why I do handbuilding!

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## magie06

Good luck with the wheel Pen. I can understand how difficult it must be to master a new craft without instructions.

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## Suzi

Is it a problem of not being in practise or needing instructions?

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## Paula

Pen, is there anything you can't do? Btw I'm missing my nativity group  :(:

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## Pen

Unfortunatly using the wheel is like learning to swim. You can read all the books, watch all the videos even have one to one instruction but the only way you can learn to do it is by rolling up your sleeves and getting stuck in.
Its all about learning how much pressure to apply and when, and also when to stop before disaster strikes! Its also about building muscles in the right places to be able to deal with fighting lumps of clay.
I managed to throw 3 very small pots today when is a huge improvement on what I have ever done before so its a start. I'm thinking if I can manage to get 2-3 hours practise in every day I will get better. Maybe by the time I am 90 I will have got the hang of it!

Pictures are up on FB and shortly the website.

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## Pen

> Pen, is there anything you can't do? Btw I'm missing my nativity group


I will have to see if I can make something else that you love enough to take its place  :(rofl):

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Paula (14-01-16)

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## Pen

SOOOO tired tonight, been another tough week workwise. Three classes today but the numbers were pretty poor, need to boost my advertising!
Spent so much time on the wheel I have a "wheel burn" where the friction has taken the skin off. All my own fault, its a technique thing that I need to sort out. I have however managed to make a few larger things but centreing the clay is still causing problems. I have watched loads of videos on it which make it look so easy but when you are fighting the clay on the wheel it is not so simple. Really annoyed that my tutor at college was never really interested in teaching us to throw properly.

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## Suzi

I think that throwing looks impossible! Make sure that you are taking care of your injury!

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## OldMike

Throwing pots reminds of one of the games they had on the Generation Game where some of the participants made a real mess of it.

Wheel burn now that's something I'd never have thought of with all that water and wet clay flying around.

I think getting it centred could be a problem and like you say just using the right pressure is essential.

I'm sure you'll master the technique Pen.

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## Pen

Finally got sorted out the christmas decorations and got then packed back in the attic. H and I went through them and got rid of some decorations that I remember Mum putting up when I was kid! I am sure that tinsel is not supposed to have bald patches! How is it that as soon as you have the decs in the attic and the door shut that you find one last decoration that you have missed...
Having done that I then tidied up and cleaned my sanctuary upstairs in the studio. So now it is again a nice place to retreat to. I then set to and finished the current stage of my two oil paintings ready to demo the next stage on Wednesday. Desperately need to get some more oil paints before Wednesday as I have a VERY limited selection so will drop into The Range when I go to do the banking tomorrow.
Now to start the housework.... I have two loads of washing which I did during the day that I need to spread out to dry plus at least two more loads to do. The kitchen is a mess, the toilet needs cleaning, the downstairs floor needs washing and my bedroom needs vacuuming. Maybe a late night tonight!

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## OldMike

Four loads of washing in one day wow that's some going. 

Loved the pictures you put up on Facebook, especially the line drawing of the man making a big pot and the woman getting showered with lumps of clay.  :(rofl):

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## Pen

Not good again. Appetite has gone, just feel sick if I eat. Could not finish a meal yesterday although have managed a bowl of cereal this morning but regretting it at the moment. Had a bad night, could not get to sleep then woke in the night and could not get back off for ages and then when I did I had a nightmare about getting to hubby's uncle's funeral.

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## OldMike

Pen is there a pattern here you seemed really upbeat yesterday, yet today you seem on a real downer, it's like you're feeling bad today to compensate for feeling good yesterday.

Just my thoughts, I may be totally wrong.

Hope things improve as the day progresses, at least you've managed some breakfast that has to be a plus.

Got any classes today or is Monday a free day?

Take care Mike.  :(bear):

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## Pen

No classes today. Just need to do the banking, buy some paint, walk the dog, mix up some glazes, glaze some test tiles, finish painting my latest yarn bowl, sort out a firing, mix some slips, finish the valentines hearts, spend an hour on the wheel trimming the pots I made last week, improve my throwing skills and start making the Easter crosses (was thinking something like this but with a celtic knot although made the mistake of searching for ceramic crosses on pinterest and now have loads of other ideas as well! http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...pspn9n3yfi.jpg).

No I dont think I feel bad today to make up for feeling good yesterday. I did not feel too good yesterday, it was only by keeping really busy could I get through the day. Otherwise I would have spent it lying in bed planning how to kill myself.

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## Pen

I just feel so useless. On one hand I so wish I had someone who would look after me. Is that selfish? on the other I just wish that I could just die and not be in anyones life anymore, not have to run around after everyone else. I want to go off and die but I know if I go off then lots of people will waste their time trying to find me.

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## OldMike

That cross looks really cool Pen.

Just reading what you're doing today makes me feel exhausted, I certainly wish I had your talent and work ethic.

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## OldMike

> I just feel so useless. On one hand I so wish I had someone who would look after me. Is that selfish? on the other I just wish that I could just die and not be in anyones life anymore, not have to run around after everyone else. I want to go off and die but I know if I go off then lots of people will waste their time trying to find me.


You go out of your way to help people, you've done classes for people who've had strokes, run classes for children, that makes you a very caring person your are NOT useless in any sense of the word.

It's a pity you can't see yourself as others see you, in the very short time I've known you I see a person who gives so much and now with your studio up and running you're enhancing so many peoples lives.

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## Suzi

I think that Mike is right - you are a wonderful person and I'm glad we've met. 
Can you call your Dr and tell them how you are feeling? 
I also agree with Mike, it does seem that there is a bit of a pattern occurring - maybe it's worth looking back through your posts and seeing if you can see any correlation - hormones? Every Monday? Etc?

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## Pen

> I think that Mike is right - you are a wonderful person and I'm glad we've met.


If you really knew me you would know that I am not.




> Can you call your Dr and tell them how you are feeling?


 No




> I also agree with Mike, it does seem that there is a bit of a pattern occurring - maybe it's worth looking back through your posts and seeing if you can see any correlation - hormones? Every Monday? Etc?


Its just exhaustion I expect. After walking Ember on the beach, doing the banking and buying £170 of art materials Ember and I have retreated back to bed with "honey" my dragon hot water bottle.

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## Paula

But I think those of us who have seen you come through the very worst days, through to today, where you've achieved so much, do know you.  I suspect you're more honest here than with most other people, I know I am. You've pulled yourself up and away from that pit, finished your degree, set up a successful business, supported your kids, found your hubby and brother in law a new home. You do so much, and I am in awe of you.

But I agree - you push yourself so much and I've noticed that, when you're particularly tired, your mood drops. I don't think you know the concept, but I really think you need to pace a lot better, or get support from your family. You're not superwoman and you're doing more in one day than I do in a week!

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OldMike (18-01-16),rose (18-01-16),Suzi (18-01-16)

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## Suzi

I'd like to think that I knew you. I know that those who have been here for a while know me - the true me, the one who isn't putting on a front and just smiling my way through it..

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## rose

Paula said it so well.

And, no, it's not selfish to want someone to take care of you.

 :Panda:  I hope your bad thoughts pass soon  :(bear):

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## Pen

> But I think those of us who have seen you come through the very worst days, through to today, where you've achieved so much, do know you.  I suspect you're more honest here than with most other people, I know I am. You've pulled yourself up and away from that pit, finished your degree, set up a successful business, supported your kids, found your hubby and brother in law a new home. You do so much, and I am in awe of you.
> 
> But I agree - you push yourself so much and I've noticed that, when you're particularly tired, your mood drops. I don't think you know the concept, but I really think you need to pace a lot better, or get support from your family. You're not superwoman and you're doing more in one day than I do in a week!


Yes it is true that I tell you guys things I would not tell anyone else. But I have always found that apart from one friend everyone else soon does not want to be around me when they know me better. Maybe its because I scare them or they are jealous of me? I dont know.
I know I do too much but I just cant sit and do nothing. Even watching the TV I need to be researching or drawing or doing the accounts or something... and there is just SO much that needs to be done!

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## Suzi

But maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe you need to find a way to switch off and do nothing even for a little bit?

----------


## Paula

Is there another hobby you have or something you'd like to try that you could do to keep yourself occupied but not with work stuff?

----------


## Pen

The only other hobby I have is gardening.. Art is my life. I draw as a hobby, I don't really consider that as work as I would not dream of selling my drawings.

----------


## Pen

Bit better today. Had a migraine during the last class though. Second one in 4 days. Now chillin out in the upstairs studio with the dog a packet of Pringles and Father Brown on Netflix

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## OldMike

> Bit better today. Had a migraine during the last class though. Second one in 4 days. Now chillin out in the upstairs studio with the dog a packet of Pringles and Father Brown on Netflix


Glad you're feeling a little better today Pen.

I love Father Brown I like the nice gentle story line. Pringles sound good (yet another thing I can't have with having high blood pressure, too much salt so doctor has banned me from eating them).

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## OldMike

> The only other hobby I have is gardening.. Art is my life. I draw as a hobby, I don't really consider that as work as I would not dream of selling my drawings.


From your drawings could you make prints and sell the prints yet keep the originals, just a thought.

----------


## Pen

Its not that I want to keep the originals I just dont think they are good enough that anyone would want to by them.  :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Your Christmas cards are  :): 

Has the migraine passed?

----------


## Pen

Yes I had a tricky 10 minutes at the end of class where I could not see properly but I dont think they noticed. I just feel tired and drained now. Cant face any food. H was going to cook a stir fry but I cant think of food without feeling sick. She tried to persuade me to eat various things but I cant even consider beans on toast at the moment.

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## OldMike

> Its not that I want to keep the originals I just dont think they are good enough that anyone would want to by them.


Don't be so modest Pen, as Paula says you made some good Christmas cards, I'll wager your drawings are good too.  :(nod):

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## Suzi

Hope that you do manage to eat something lovely.. and that the nasty migraines bugger off!

----------


## Pen

Just come in from work. Only thing I can face eating is a bowl of porridge...

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## Suzi

Porridge isn't the worst thing you could eat lovely.. How are you today hunni?

----------


## Paula

Are you feeling any better?

----------


## Pen

No not really. Had a terrible nights sleep. Could not get off till 1:30 then woke at 4:30 and took ages to get off again. Managed to eat a bowl of cereal but feel sick again. Came down in the night and managed to catch my little toe on the bannisters, dont think I have broken it but it is really sore this morning.

----------


## Paula

Ouch!

----------


## rose

Sorry if this was asked before - Is this likely to be hormone related?

----------


## Pen

> Sorry if this was asked before - Is this likely to be hormone related?


No dont think so.

----------


## Suzi

Ouch! Your poor toe! 
Have you managed to eat this morning?

----------


## Pen

> Ouch! Your poor toe! 
> Have you managed to eat this morning?


Sort of. I have had a bowl of cereal and a quarter of a mini quiche. I have a class at 12:30 so thought I aught to have something to keep me going and hopefully stave off another migraine.

----------


## Suzi

Glad you've eaten something. Hope that you get left alone by the migraines... Hope the class is an easy one..

----------


## Pen

Not sure it will be easy... oil painting stage 3.....

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## Paula

Hope it's going ok

----------


## Pen

It was slow going with the afternoon group but I think I have got them all onto the next stage with a bit of encouragement and cajoling. Tonights group work much faster and are a more advanced bunch so will need to be on my toes!

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## Suzi

Well done for getting through it. Hope tonight is fun!

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## Pen

This evenings group are coming on in leaps and bounds although I have one student who listens to what I say then does her own thing. I kept telling the group DO NOT get bogged down in details yet, get the colour blocks in first, so what do I find when I go and have a look at her work? she is carefully (with the smallest brush in existence) painting in the bluebells in her picture so I have to point out that she will have to wipe them all off as she will need to paint the green background foliage first... sigh...

----------


## Pen

Have updated my facebook and website blog with some pictures from this evening.

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## OldMike

> This evenings group are coming on in leaps and bounds although I have one student who listens to what I say then does her own thing. I kept telling the group DO NOT get bogged down in details yet, get the colour blocks in first, so what do I find when I go and have a look at her work? she is carefully (with the smallest brush in existence) painting in the bluebells in her picture so I have to point out that she will have to wipe them all off as she will need to paint the green background foliage first... sigh...


I suppose Pen there will always be someone who appears to listen intently then goes their own way and does their own thing. I can sense the exasperation in your post, just sigh and move on or burst out laughing whatever floats your boat.

The Facebook photos of the two paintings you are doing one for each of your two groups look good and your studio looks a hive of activity in the other photo.

----------


## Pen

Oh I dont let it get to me, I have been teaching for too long for that!

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OldMike (21-01-16)

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## Suzi

Those paintings are beautiful!

----------


## Pen

No they are not, they are just sketches to show people about perspective, composition and stages of oil painting. When they are finished I will probably throw them in the tip.

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## Pen

Took the dog out with my friend and the heavens opened. Came home with my shoes and socks soaked. Now have loads to do but my shoes are hanging over the heater and my feel are tucked under a lovely warm dog. I so dont want to move!!!

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## Suzi

Then you have the perfect reasons not to move!

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## Pen

Only had one course today, no one came to the evening course. I need to sort out the marketing for this. Did manage to get the stuff prepared for the Stroke group tomorrow though do it was not time wasted.

----------


## Suzi

Isn't that 2 weeks in a row that you haven't had anyone for that course?

----------


## Pen

No I had one person last week  :(rofl):   :(party): 
Stroke group is going well, the numbers are growing. If everyone turned up at once I would have 8 people! Good job I have just bought two new tables!

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## Paula

I suppose it's a case of trying different courses and seeing what works - but it's frustrating no one came. Have you consider deposits or you running 6 week courses with payment up front?

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## Pen

No I dont want to do that I find it seems to put people off. I know I will get the numbers up on this eventually. The two classes on a Tuesday are bursting at the seams. One of my Tuesday ladies has just written a glowing review on my FB page. It made me blush... :(blush):

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Paula (22-01-16)

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## OldMike

Just read the reviews, brilliant and richly deserved.

----------


## Suzi

Well deserved!

----------


## Pen

:(blush):  Two good groups today. I think it is a sign of how much people enjoy the sessions when I have to make sure the gate is open 30 minutes before the class for the early birds (of which there are a few!). I can never count on having a quick sort out in the last 15 minutes before a class as there is bound to be at least two people there by then. Very rarely is anyone even a minute late! The only exception is when someone is working a late shift and gets delayed! Getting them back out at the end can also be troublesome with some of the groups! I never hurry them though, if they need to finish something off before they leave I will always let them.

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## OldMike

Glad things went well today Pen.

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Pen (23-01-16)

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## Suzi

That's so fabulous!

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## Pen

Aaarrrggg wish I could sleep at night! Don't think I have been asleep before 1.30 any night this week.

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## Suzi

:Panda:  How are you feeling today?

----------


## magie06

How are you now?

----------


## Pen

Tired, tearful. So much to do and not enough time to do it all! I think tomorrow after I have finished painting my latest yarn bowl, loaded and fired the kiln and walked the dog it may have to be a stay in bed day...

----------


## rose

Just try to take it easy if you're not feeling good. I know that's easier said than done though  :(bear):

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## Pen

I have not hit bottom yet but I am determined to try and not do much today and stay in bed most of the day to try and not hit the exhaustion point that I have in the last two weekends. I am hoping that if I rest today I will be in a better position to tackle the week. Trouble is that there is so much that needs to be done. 
The vacuum is not working properly so I need to dismantle it and clear the blockage, 
I need to clean the kitchen and wash the floor, 
tidy and vacuum the hall, 
vacuum my bedroom, 
tidy and clean the sitting room, 
mix up slip base, 
make up a load more coloured slips and label the jars, 
mix up the 5 new glazes that have been waiting for the containers that arrived yesterday, 
rearrange the shelves so I can get all the students work in the right places, 
make 15 crosses, 
Make up the sets of hearts
advertise the lavender scented hearts and try to sell them
Promote the Thursday evening course and chase up the people who said they would come but never showed up
Clear out the dead plants from the pots
buy some compost
pot up the plants that are waiting to be planted up
Sort out the hair algae in the pond
Prune the roses
walk the dog

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## OldMike

Pen you intend to do that today!? I'm exhausted just reading it, can't you prioritize things so you only do the most important and leave the rest for another day or delegate some jobs to your daughter and her boyfriend. Just my musings.

Take care Mike.

----------


## Suzi

Hope you do allow yourself a rest day lovely..

----------


## Paula

Rest! At least half those jobs can wait

----------


## rose

Just do the essentials and draft in some help from the family. There is always tomorrow.

----------


## Pen

> Pen you intend to do that today!? I'm exhausted just reading it, can't you prioritize things so you only do the most important and leave the rest for another day or delegate some jobs to your daughter and her boyfriend. Just my musings.
> 
> Take care Mike.


No that was just the list  that needs doing!

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OldMike (24-01-16)

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## Pen

Walked Ember for over an hour on the beach then spent a couple of hours finishing off the painting of my latest yarn bowl. Kiln is now on and I am having a lie down, a spot of lunch whilst wrapped in my blanket and listening to Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchet.

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## OldMike

Wah double post, original post seemed to have vanished so posted again.

Nice to see you've taken time out to get some lunch.

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## OldMike

Walking on the beach sounds much nicer than walking on the noisy roads that are round here. hope the weather was good for you Pen.

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## Suzi

That sounds lovely! Did you get my pm?

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## Pen

Yes. Did you get my reply?

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## Suzi

No! lol

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## Pen

The answer was yes please if I am not too late.

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## Suzi

Done  :O:

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## Pen

Thank you. Had a rush of energy about half an hour ago and tidied, swept and washed the hall floor. I was going to continue through and do the kitchen and sitting room but I was cream crackered by the time I had done the hall  :(whew):

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Suzi (24-01-16)

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## Suzi

I hope you're resting now!

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## Pen

Yes. Sunk two snowballs left from Christmas and half a packet of mint matchmakers whilst catching up on War and Peace and the Agatha Christie that was shown before Christmas all the while doing some Zen drawing. Now have cramp in my hand, chocolate in my teeth and a tiny bit tipsy.  :(think):

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## Suzi

Oops lol! How are you feeling today hunni ?

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## Pen

Raring to go  :(rofl): . Plan to have a shower in a min and get dressed and vacuum the bedroom. Then take Ember to Sand Bay (a huge expanse of sand and mud flats just round the headland) for an hour, then stop off on the way home and do the banking. THEN....
Put up a load of hooks in the studio for the new glaze samples, mix up some more glazes, mix up the base slip, type out the slip recipes and laminate them so H can mix up the colours, Trim the pots I made on the wheel last Friday, make some new pots. Soak my lavender hearts, make some ceramic crosses and do some oil painting....

A nice restful day :(rofl):

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## Paula

Now I'm cross - not only because you're raring to go  :(snooze):  but because you're obviously not in the least worse for wear this morning after the snowballs! Dear god, woman, how do you do it???  :(rofl):

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## OldMike

> Raring to go . Plan to have a shower in a min and get dressed and vacuum the bedroom. Then take Ember to Sand Bay (a huge expanse of sand and mud flats just round the headland) for an hour, then stop off on the way home and do the banking. THEN....
> Put up a load of hooks in the studio for the new glaze samples, mix up some more glazes, mix up the base slip, type out the slip recipes and laminate them so H can mix up the colours, Trim the pots I made on the wheel last Friday, make some new pots. Soak my lavender hearts, make some ceramic crosses and do some oil painting....
> 
> A nice restful day


Well that takes care of this morning, what have you got planned for this afternoon.  :(rofl): 

A walk with Ember round a nice sandy bay sounds glorious. The best I can do round here is a walk along the Bridgewater canal and look at the dirty orange water (iron leeching out from the old mine workings apparently, basically it's rusty water), even the ducks have an dirty orange tidemark.

Pen while you're at it how about popping over to my place and digging over my veggie plot, looks like my seed potatoes have arrived so veggie plot needs preparing.  :(rofl): 

Seriously Pen have a good day.  :):

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## S deleted

> even the ducks have an dirty orange tidemark.



Maybe it's a new form of disguise. Save the ducks.

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Paula (25-01-16)

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## Suzi

You are so busy! I'm glad you're feeling OK lovely..

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## Pen

OK, walked the dog, vacuumed the bedroom, the landing and the bathroom, put a huge load of dirty towels in the wash and done the banking. Just had a 15 minute coffee break so off to the studio...
Mike if I am going to get it all dome this morning then I had better get a move on I only have 18 minutes left!  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

You have done loads!

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## Pen

Well mixed two more glazes, made up 2kg of base slip and just grabbing a spot of lunch (Garlic and rosemary bread, cheese and olives!)whilst H mixes the coloured slips up. Then back to it!!

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## Suzi

Wow! I always imagine you like Taz from Tazmania in a whirlwind doing stuff as you go!

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OldMike (25-01-16),Paula (25-01-16),Pen (25-01-16)

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## Pen

Well did not manage to complete all the list by tea time.. Did not make any new pots or soak my lavender hearts and make some ceramic crosses but I do hope to do some oil painting this evening....
Mixing up the six packs of glazes and mixing the slip base took longer than I had planned  :(wasntme):

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## Suzi

Sounds like you have done loads though!

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## Pen

Trying to do some painting tonight. Boy I am rubbish at this!

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## Suzi

Rubbish at what?

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## Pen

painting!

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## Suzi

I've seen some of your artwork and I wouldn't say it was rubbish at all!

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## Paula

I agree  :):

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## Pen

Well, got my valentines hearts up on my facebook shop so may now stop for the night!

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rose (26-01-16)

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## Pen

Just to make you jealous, this is where Ember and I walked this morning
http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...pspgdezetd.jpg

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Suzi (26-01-16)

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## Paula

> Well, got my valentines hearts up on my facebook shop so may now stop for the night!


They're gorgeous. I'd have some in a heartbeat, but Si hates the smell of lavender  :(:

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## Pen

> They're gorgeous. I'd have some in a heartbeat, but Si hates the smell of lavender


I do have sets that dont have any scented oil on them...

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## Paula

*scoots over to fb page

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## Pen

I also have some special ones made from weston clay that are not up there yet and do also make some rather nice ones that are glazed but I cant find the picture at the moment

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## Paula

Oooo ok, I've sent you a message. Not in a rush so when you can get the photos up I'll have a look if that's ok? I can see me buying more than I planned lol

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## rose

> Just to make you jealous, this is where Ember and I walked this morning
> http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/...pspgdezetd.jpg


Nice  :):

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## OldMike

Re the photo of Sand Bay what a beautiful place for a walk I'm sooooo jealous.

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## Pen

No rusty ducks there just oystercatchers and stonechats

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## Pen

> Oooo ok, I've sent you a message. Not in a rush so when you can get the photos up I'll have a look if that's ok? I can see me buying more than I planned lol


Paula for some reason FB wont let me open your message, however I have posted up a photo of the glazed hearts I made for Dad's girlfriend for christmas, as you dont want diffusers the world is your oyster for options.  :(rofl):

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Paula (26-01-16)

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## Pen

In case you were wondering what an oystercatcher and stonechat look like here are some links...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurasian_oystercatcher
https://www.wildbirddirect.com/species/stonechat/

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## Pen

> *scoots over to fb page


I cant seem to reply to your PM. Anyway the answer is 
I would think that the scent will last about two weeks, but each infused set comes with a bottle of oil and you just add a couple of drops to the hearts when the scent starts to fade. I would think that a bottle would last for at least 6 months possibly longer. When the scent has faded you can also change it with a fresh essential oil of your choice if you wish.

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## OldMike

The stonechat looks really cool you could almost confuse it with a robin. Thanks for the info Pen.

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## Suzi

Sand bay looks beautiful!

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## Pen

Woke up this morning with a running nose, which has gradually turned into a sore throat and now wiped me out. Got the next class at 7 but I dont think I am going to be able to do all things I had planned for after the class that have just left.

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## Suzi

Sorry you're feeling bad lovely..

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## Paula

:Panda:  just do what you have to, afterwards - eat something, drink lots and go to bed

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## Pen

Took two max cold and flu capsules and went to bed for the afternoon, curled up with a warm dog... Could not even face listening to the radio it was too much hard work. Hopefully the rest will be enough to get me through the evening.

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## rose

I hate having a cold. You have my sympathies.

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## Pen

I have not had one for years but dealing with snotty, coughing little darlings I suspected that this would happen eventually!

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## OldMike

Gah I hate colds hope you get better soon Pen.

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## Suzi

Hope you're doing OK and are resting lovely...

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## Pen

Just finished teaching for the night. I feel like you could fry an egg on me but when I took my temperature it was only 36.6.  Most disappointed... if I feel this bad I at least aught to be running a fever!...

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## rose

Dinner, bath and bed please!!!!

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## Pen

OK mum. Had dinner earlier so I am off to bed.  :(rofl):

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rose (26-01-16)

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## magie06

Night.

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## Paula

Sleep tight, mind the bed bugs don't bite  :O:

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## Suzi

How are you feeling this morning?

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## Pen

Rough...  Cancelled the classes for today. Difficult decision as although I don't make much on a Wednesday it all helps the weekly total but I though it was not fair to share this cold round the group.
H is going to take Ember out for me so I don't have to rush to get up

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## OldMike

Probably best to take a day off Pen and hopefully regain your strength for tomorrows classes.

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## rose

You poor thing. You must be feeling ill if you cancelled classes. I think you should stay in bed as much as possible today. Get well soon  :(bear):

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## Suzi

Stay in and keep warm and hydrated lovely x

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## Pen

Yes it shows how bad I am that I have only been able to contact all my customers to cancel the courses, get a quote on putting hubby on the car insurance, chase up the estate agent about the house sale in wales, call hubby and bring him up to date, complete a questionnaire for the local council and call dad. I have just got up cause I thought it might do me good to get out of bed and dressed rather than just doze all day.

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## Suzi

Erm, that is NOT resting!

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## Pen

Well after my last post I realised I just could not keep my eyes open so went back up to bed with some flu capsules. I think I have been asleep since then. Just got up again for a cup of tea. Bit worried as there are two customers I cant get hold of despite texts, emails and calls so I am hoping that somewhere along the way they get the message.

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## OldMike

> Well after my last post I realised I just could not keep my eyes open so went back up to bed with some flu capsules. I think I have been asleep since then. Just got up again for a cup of tea. Bit worried as there are two customers I cant get hold of despite texts, emails and calls so I am hoping that somewhere along the way they get the message.


You've done your best Pen at trying to contact everyone and can't do anymore. Rest/time is all that helps a bad cold/flu and some cold/flu capsules or a hot lemon drink usually makes you feel slightly better.

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## Suzi

You've done all you can lovely...

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## Pen

> You've done your best Pen at trying to contact everyone and can't do anymore. Rest/time is all that helps a bad cold/flu and some cold/flu capsules or a hot lemon drink usually makes you feel slightly better.


Yuk, Hot lemon makes me sick... Now anyone know any cold cures that include Apricot Brandy?

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## Paula

:Panda:

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## OldMike

> Yuk, Hot lemon makes me sick... Now anyone know any cold cures that include Apricot Brandy?


Ooops sorry Pen, Apricot Brandy was one of my mothers favourite liqueurs, a small tot of Apricot Brandy may not cure the common cold but it'll sure make you feel better.

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## OldMike

Would you like your life to be a bed of roses? Then try this.

Bed of roses
Apricot Brandy, Gin, Passionfruit Juice & Bitters.

Cheers Pen.

Not guaranteed to cure colds or flu but will put a smile on your face.

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magie06 (27-01-16),Paula (27-01-16)

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## rose

Go for what Mike suggested, that sounds like it would cheer anyone up  :): 

Seriously though, a drop of spirit can feel great on a sore throat. Just check its ok to have a drink with your flu tablets.

My 'cure' is hot water with a slice of lemon, honey and ginger. I don't take decongestants, they can make you feel worse (dehydrated), I just use paracetamol. And maybe a drop of JackDaniels or Baileys to soothe the throat.

Edit: and Use the balsam tissues, they are so much kinder on your skin.

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## Pen

I seem to be sort of lacking most of the ingredients for a bed of roses. I was thinking dissolve some honey in hot water and add to a measure of apricot brandy.

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## Suzi

Hope you sleep well lovely and that when you get up you feel much better..

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## Pen

Well had a patchy night but did eventually get some sleep. Hubby has borrowed my car to drive to Rotherham for a family funeral. It is the first time I have trusted him with my car since he got done for drink driving in my car in 2008. (he is now teatotal so I know that is not a problem anymore) However it feels strange to let him take my baby away for such a long run and I had nightmares last night about finding that I was without a car... I had not realised I was so attached to it, I always complain about how much I hate this car but it has become a part of me it seems!

Although I do feel a bit better this morning A says I sound terrible so hopefully I will sound a bit better by the first class at 4:30 this afternoon!

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## Suzi

Glad you got some sleep hunni.. 
Hope all is ok with the car! It's amazing how much you get attached to these things..

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## Pen

Eeee just got back with the dog and feel like I could fry an egg on me again. Head is full of cotton wool and is spinning. Think I will have to take it a bit easier than I thought today. Its a shame as there are so many things I want to do.

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## Suzi

I'm sure those things will wait whilst you get you better!

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## Pen

They may have to! Unfortunately I have classes today though so need to prepare for them.

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## Paula

Oh hunni  :(:  just please rest when you can  :(bear):

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## Suzi

I hope you've worked out some time for resting lovely...

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## Pen

Did not get much pottery done sat with the TV on and did some admin tasks instead.

Hubby came back with the car, all intact.... He has driven for 8 hours today and has now just left to drive back to Wales, another hours journey.. So glad I had this cold which gave me a valid excuse to get out of going with him today!

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## Suzi

How are you feeling today?

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## Pen

Functioning... Head still full of cotton wool and the sinus pressure is making my tinnitus worst but feeling I may be up to throwing a couple of pots later. H has now gone down with it and is not happy with me having shared it!

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## OldMike

Hi Pen hope your head clears so you can throw a few pots (you must be getting to be a bit of an expert now), poor H, you're probably not in her good books for sharing your cold.

Just a thought could Ember catch a cold from you, I hope not else the whole family would need quarantining.  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

Hope the pot throwing is fun! Poor H!

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## Pen

> Hi Pen hope your head clears so you can throw a few pots (you must be getting to be a bit of an expert now), poor H, you're probably not in her good books for sharing your cold.
> 
> Just a thought could Ember catch a cold from you, I hope not else the whole family would need quarantining.


Thankfully dogs cant catch human colds... I would hate to think about blowing her nose!

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## Paula

Have fun experimenting  :):

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## Pen

Right off to the overalls on.... Catch you later

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## Suzi

Look forward to seeing your creations!

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## Pen

Not sure there will be any. With H sick I have spent all my time cleaning the studio.... Now feel really unwell and giddy.

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## Suzi

Have you eaten and had enough to drink today?

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## Paula

How are you now?

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## Pen

Made it through the lesson OK this afternoon. Had three new people but one of my regulars was a trouper and stepped in to help the newbies whilst I helped a blind woman on the wheel.
Studio is now a mess but I cant face cleaning it tonight, hopefully H will feel up to helping in the morning. Did manage to wrestle a large lump of clay on the wheel earlier and made a bowl that I am quite pleased with but still struggling with centering anything bigger than a fist sized lump.
Ember made me stop work about half an hour ago to get some dinner so I have had a multi cheese and mushroom omlette.
Been doing lots of marketing and advertising in the last few days and now I have gone from having two people (only one of which has turned up a few times this year) to having potentially nine people...

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## OldMike

That was nice for one of your regulars to give you a helping hand. Good on Ember to get you to make yourself some food (though she was probably more interested in getting you to fill her doggy bowl).  :O:

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## Pen

> That was nice for one of your regulars to give you a helping hand. Good on Ember to get you to make yourself some food (though she was probably more interested in getting you to fill her doggy bowl).


Oh yes I think it was more her tummy she was concerned about than mine!

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## Suzi

Pen you are amazing. The fact that you are actively making pottery accessible is fantastic.

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## Pen

I had an email from Netmums this morning saying that they wanted to feature my kids pottery parties on their front page... AARRRGGG Not quite sure if I got a party booking what I would do, not sure I could fit one in!

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## Suzi

Fantastic coverage though!

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## Pen

Oh yes! I have updated my entry ready for them to use it  :P:  Just cause I am not sure how I would manage does not mean I dont want to try and find out  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

Awesome!  :):

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## Paula

> Oh yes! I have updated my entry ready for them to use it  Just cause I am not sure how I would manage does not mean I dont want to try and find out


I'm not just throwing words around here, you're truly inspirational  :):

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## magie06

Wow! well done you.

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## OldMike

> I had an email from Netmums this morning saying that they wanted to feature my kids pottery parties on their front page... AARRRGGG Not quite sure if I got a party booking what I would do, not sure I could fit one in!


That's fantastic Pen (had to Google Netmums as no idea what it was). Pen and one of her kids classes on their home page wow.

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## Pen

> That's fantastic Pen (had to Google Netmums as no idea what it was). Pen and one of her kids classes on their home page wow.


Well I will believe it when I see it... I have had a few bookings through Netmums for people for courses so being listed on there has been quite good.

Phew. All courses over for the week. Feeling the financial impact of taking Wednesday off sick though  :(:

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## Suzi

But you have to put your health first lovely..

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## Pen

Well at the moment next weeks forecasted income will make up for the shortfall this week!

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## Suzi

Hooray!!

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## Pen

Trying to decide at the moment whether to get dressed and take the dog out or go back to bed.... Bed maybe winning here... :(think):

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## Paula

Don't blame you lol

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## OldMike

> Trying to decide at the moment whether to get dressed and take the dog out or go back to bed.... Bed maybe winning here...


If the weather at your place is like it is Manchester (gloomy and raining) staying in bed or lounging on the sofa seems the best option.

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## Pen

After I wrote that last post I realised that Ember had disappeared. I found her curled up back on my bed so joining her seemed the best option!  :(rofl):  It is gloomy here but not raining. I put on my favourite warm jumper and took her for a walk but when I got back I was so hot that I have had to strip off a few layers!

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## Suzi

It's pouring here! Well done for getting her out for a run!

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## Pen

Feeling a bit blue here this morning, may need chocolate... (ladies you know why)

You know the saying - If a woman is sad give her a good hug, if she growls at you retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her!

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## Paula

*throw a kilo of chocolate

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## Pen

Well, cleaned up the mountain of dishes and pots and pans. Scrubbed down the surfaces. Swept the floor in the kitchen and living room and got down on my hands and knees and washed said floors. Kitchen is ready for another week I think!

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## magie06

Well done. That is a pile of stuff to get done. You do so much every day, you are an inspiration!  :Panda:

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## OldMike

> Well, cleaned up the mountain of dishes and pots and pans. Scrubbed down the surfaces. Swept the floor in the kitchen and living room and got down on my hands and knees and washed said floors. Kitchen is ready for another week I think!


Think you deserve a treat of a few pieces of chocolate after all that work Pen.

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## Pen

Hubby has just told me where his secret stash of special chocolate truffles are.... They may not be there when he gets back next Friday... :P:  but bless him he has said he does not mind if I eat them.

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## magie06

:):  They certainly wouldn't be there in this house. I'd have them gone this evening.

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## Suzi

You've done masses again! I do hope you are resting this evening!

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## Pen

Yes, catching up on the TV and radio shows I have missed during the week and doing some drawing.
Hubby has filled the log basket and stoked the fire before he left. I did not have the heart to tell him I planned to get under the duvet when he had left, now feel guilty I dont want to leave this fire until it dies down.

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## Pen

Actually that is not quite true. At the moment I am revising my web site... :(giggle):

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## Suzi

Oh yeah.... resting...  :(think):

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## Paula

> Actually that is not quite true. At the moment I am revising my web site...


Do you ever stop? Lol

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## Pen

> Do you ever stop? Lol


No probably not.....

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## Pen

Oh dear. This morning I am struggling to stay awake. Had a good night for a change, but after breakfast this morning went back to bed and went to sleep. Now up and dressed but still struggling to keep my eyes open!  :(yawn): . At 7 this morning I had plans to walk the dog, do the banking, do the shopping, load the kiln, tidy up the studio, throw some pots and do some painting.... Now I have started shortening the list. The banking may not happen and I am wondering if I can get away without buying any food this week.

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## Suzi

I'm glad you're shortening the list - but yes, you probably need shopping lol...

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## Pen

Walked the dog, rearranged the drying shelves so that the pottery can dry properly, trimmed the pot I made on Thursday, finished repairing a flower bowl belonging to the Stroke group, finished unloading the kiln and put some of the dry stuff in there out of the way whilst I wait for the rest, wrapped up the pots from last week ready for their owners to trim them later this week then realised that I was shaking with a headache and feeling giddy so stopped for a bit. May have to do without the shopping. Hubby brought me eggs and bread on Sunday so I wont starve, Ember may have to live off dry food for a few days. Although I may do an online shop if I think I could get the bill to over £25.

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## OldMike

It takes me all my time to get my online grocery bill below £100 and I'm just buying for one. So you should have no trouble at spending £25, take it easy for the rest of the day Pen, take care.

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## Pen

Ah well this is just for me and Ember and only stuff for lunch and breakfast. H does the majority of the shopping.

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## OldMike

That explains it thought you were shopping for yourself, H and H's boyfriend in which case £25 wouldn't go very far.

You've done well with all you've done today considering you're not feeling too well, rest up for the rest of the day.

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## Paula

How's the head now?

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## Pen

Wooly... Done the shopping, loaded the kiln. Retreated to the upstairs studio to watch the TV and maybe get round to some painting...

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## Suzi

Hope you're resting now lovely

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## Pen

Been zentangling my skin...

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## magie06

What is zentangling?

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## OldMike

I thought zentangling was a made up word till I contacted my old friend Google.

Here's the link to all you want to know about zentangling. https://www.zentangle.com/

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## Pen

I use the Zentangle ideas a lot in the artwork I do for relaxation. I found that when I want to cut myself that drawing on my arm helps.

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## Suzi

:Panda:

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## OldMike

Hi Pen how are you today, feeling any better?  :(bear):

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## Pen

No. Much worst.

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## rose

I am having a bad time too. Thinking of you  :Panda:

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## Suzi

I've just been looking through your FB page as I was wondering how things are... 
Sorry it's not good lovely...

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## Pen

Been struggling with one huge anxiety attack today. Been making clay figures frantically all day as a form of art therapy. All of which now on FB.

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## Angie

Have just seen some of you figures hun they are really good x

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## OldMike

I've just looked they look great Pen.

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## rose

I thought the spiderwebs looked good.

The GP took you off Pregabalin, didn't s/he? I actually asked my psychiatrist if there is any set time frame for taking Pregabalin, after what your GP said, and my psychiatrist said no, there isn't a set time frame. But it's expensive. And in a separate tale, my GP is trying to reduce what the psychiatrist prescribes me, to cut costs I think? Cheeky, hey?
Anyway, that long sentence was basically to say, you _could_ go back to the doctor, and ask why you were taken off Pregabalin. 
Instead of going in just saying you feel bad, you could go in with that question as well.
I know Pregabalin helps with anxiety, and that's what you say you are suffering now, and I am trying to think of ways to make a GP appointment have a positive outcome.

Big hugs  :(bear):

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OldMike (08-02-16),Paula (08-02-16)

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## Suzi

As you know my littlist one and I were looking too! They are fab. Did it help as a distraction?

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## Paula

Rose's right, you should be told, anyway, why your meds have changed and the impact. If I'd have done that, I may have had it easier recently

----------


## Pen

> As you know my littlist one and I were looking too! They are fab. Did it help as a distraction?


No not really, but feel a bit happier now that I have some test pieces in place for next week.

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## Pen

> Rose's right, you should be told, anyway, why your meds have changed and the impact. If I'd have done that, I may have had it easier recently


My meds were changed over a year ago, I think  I know the effect by now... When the pdoc said I should come off them it was 18 months ago. At the time pregabalin was not commonly used for anxiety so I think she was concerned about long term use. It is much more common now I think. I dont want to go onto any more meds. If anything I want to see the GP and ask to be taken off them all.

----------


## Pen

Been playing making plasticine models tonight, trouble is Ember seems to think plasticine is edible, she was convinced I would give her the finished models to eat!

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## OldMike

Is there an eatable modelling dough you could use instead of plasticine or did I just dream that up?

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## Pen

There probably is, but I need the finished models to work off tomorrow when I make them into clay so I would rather that she did not eat them!!

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## rose

Why do you want to come off all your meds?

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## Pen

I am just fed up with having mouth sores all the time and dont think the Venlefaxine is doing anything.

Anyway I have just tried to get an appointment, firstly with the dr I saw before and when I was told she was fully booked, with any doctor but they cant see me. The receptionist is going to talk to the dr's about getting me some more lorazapan without me having to see anyone.

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## Angie

I'm glad that you have been in touch with your gp's surgery hun and that they are trying to help x

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## Pen

I had such a terrible night last night that I am getting desperate.

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## Suzi

Oh Pen, I'm so sorry you're still feeling awful. I'm really pleased that you called the Dr and hope that this helps...

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## Pen

The doctors have got me an emergency appointment with the doc I saw before at 4:50 so we shall see.

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## magie06

Good luck with the appointment. I'll be thinking of you.

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## rose

Good luck  :(bear):

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## Paula

I'm glad they're seeing you today. Does H know you're planning on getting more lorazepam?

----------


## Angie

I'm glad your going to the docs hun x

----------


## Piglet

Well done for getting an appointment, Pen.  Wishing you lots of luck with it.  (((hugs)))

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## Suzi

Good luck lovely.

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## OldMike

> The doctors have got me an emergency appointment with the doc I saw before at 4:50 so we shall see.


Good luck with the appointment Pen.  :(bear):

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## Pen

> I'm glad they're seeing you today. Does H know you're planning on getting more lorazepam?


No, I have not told her I am going to the docs

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## Pen

OK I am back.

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## magie06

How did things go?

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## Pen

As expected. She has given me some more lorazapan, and said I should go back and see them in 2-3 weeks.

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## magie06

How do you feel about that? Were you expecting more?

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## Pen

What more is there? There is nothing else they can do.

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## Piglet

Well done for going, and please go back in 2-3 weeks as she asked.

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## Paula

Sweetheart, please let H know you've got the lorazapam?

----------


## Suzi

Have you told H about the meds?

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## rose

Pen, please give the Lorazepam to H to look after. 
Did you tell them about how bad you've felt? What about that referral to the psychiatrist they promised?

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## Pen

No not told her

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## Pen

> Did you tell them about how bad you've felt?


No not really. I could not really articulate it and I did not feel I could talk about it. 



> What about that referral to the psychiatrist they promised?


She did ask if I wanted a referral to the mental health team and I said no, that there was no point.

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## Paula

> No not told her


Why not?

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## rose

Pen, tell us honestly, please, do you want the Lorazepam to help with anxiety, or are you planning to take them all at once?

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## magie06

Pen are you safe?

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## Pen

> Pen, tell us honestly, please, do you want the Lorazepam to help with anxiety, or are you planning to take them all at once?


Not sure at the moment.

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## rose

So, maybe it would be a good idea to keep one or two and give the rest to H?
You've been doing so well recently, don't deny yourself the chance to feel better again.
You are strong and you can fight this  :(bear):

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Paula (09-02-16)

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## Pen

> Pen are you safe?


Yes I am safe

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## Pen

Totally desperate. Now taken 4 lorazapan and still cant sleep. Nothing can help, no one can help, why should I not take the rest of the packet?

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## S deleted

Because you have a family who love you and friends who care.

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## OldMike

> Because you have a family who love you and friends who care.


Exactly right Pen, I often struggle to sleep and find listening to classical music helps me make it through the night (see what I did there think that has the makings of a song).  :): 

Pen stay safe.

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## rose

Why couldn't you sleep, what was going on to prevent you sleeping?

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## Pen

I'm here.

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## Paula

Really good to hear. Did you talk to H?  :Panda:

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## Pen

> Why couldn't you sleep, what was going on to prevent you sleeping?


I just cant sleep. Nothing is going on. I just spend hours looking at the ceiling feeling anxious and not able to sleep.

and No I have not told H

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## Angie

Glad to hear from you Pen, please consider talking to H x

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## Suzi

Can I ask why you haven't spoken to H about having the meds? 
Can you email your surgery maybe even copying some of the posts here to her?

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## S deleted

Pen I know your struggling right now but stop and take a look around you. Your family love and care about you. Have you thought how your actions affect them especially H. She has your interests at heart and deserves to be kept in the loop. Talk to her.

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## rose

4 Lorazepam should be more than enough to relax you, shouldn't it? It doesn't sound like it's working.
I am glad you are safe  :(bear):

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## Pen

Well I woke up at 10 with Dad ringing the door bell, H had her suspicions that I had taken something as I was so hard to wake. Been groggy through the first class but made it ok, now going to take some more and sleep till the evening class.

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## rose

But if you take more, won't you sleep through the evening class? I think these are meant to be for emergencies and if you take several at once the doctor will notice and stop prescribing them.
I know you are feeling desperate but I don't know what to say to give you practical advice. The only way I could get psychiatric care was to go private but it's an expensive option, but at least you can get an appointment and they listen to you.

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## Piglet

Pen, please listen to everyone here.  Not only do your family care about you, but your DWD friends care, too.  I've seen first hand what it does to a family when a parent kills themself, and it's not good.  Please keep safe.

If you can't speak to your GP, then print out your posts from here and hand it over.  They really do need to know how you're feeling

(((hugs)))

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## Suzi

What strength have you been given?

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## Pen

1 mg up to 2 a day

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## Paula

So you know that's your limit yet you're overdosing.  Pen, I think the world of you but you're behaving appallingly right now.  You're jeopardising the business you've built up so successfully but, more importantly, you're jeopardising the health and wellbeing of your family. Yes, it's bad at the moment, but you've had bad before and got through. And you will get through again - but you have to talk to H and hand those meds over to her.

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S deleted (10-02-16)

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## Pen

I have made the appointment to see the doctor again on 3 March. It will not be the doctor I saw before but another doctor from the team. At the moment I have no desire to stop taking overdoses, only in this way I'm not able to get to sleep and when I'm awake to be far enough away from reality to cope with how I'm feeling. I am not taking overdoses in an attempt to end my life simply trying to finding alternative virtual dimensions to exist in for a while that's does not have anything to do with the real-world.

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## rose

Pen, you're taking too many and I don't think the doctor is going to give you any more when you run out, and then you are going to have to deal with withdrawal on top of everything else.
I understand, I really think I do understand how you feel, about wanting to escape reality. Yes I take Valium as an escape and yes I sometimes have a drink with it, just to really get that dozy, out-of-it feeling, but it's not good for you and it's not a long-term or even medium-term fix.
What are you going to do between now and March 3rd? You can't get wasted every day just to survive. 
I personally think you need an urgent psychiatric assessment. 

We're all here for you. Please know that everything that's said is said out of love and concern for you.

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## Suzi

I'm really concerned about you. Can you not email your Dr? Have you chosen to have that next appointment with someone different?

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## Pen

No emailing the doctors is not an option. I did not choose to see a different doctor it was just who was available.

Rose, if I take too many and dont wake up it will be great...

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## rose

Did you take another load this afternoon?

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## Pen

Yes took 2 about 4 oclock and just taken another one now, along with some apricot brandy. I f it does not get me off to sleep in half an hour I will take another one and so on till I fall asleep.

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## rose

How many do you have?

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## Pen

I have 22 left

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## rose

You need to give those 22 tablets to your daughter. You need to stop drinking alcohol right now. You're not doing this to get a bit wasted, you are doing this to harm yourself. And I am really really worried about you.

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## Angie

Pen can you please give your tablets to your daughter, and also please ring, email or text the samaritans or go to A&E, get yourself some immetiate help hun x

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## S deleted

Right that's it! It stops right here! This is not fair on anybody here who is already struggling having to read posts about your abuse of medication. You most certainly are not being fair on your daughter who is doing everything she can to help you. It's a parents job to look out for there kids not the other way around so time for you to stop being so self absorbed and look at what you are doing to the people around you, who love and care for you. Do want H to walk in to wake you in the morning only to find a corpse? Have you stopped to ask yourself what that would do to her? You have worked too hard to build up your business and your life to throw it all away now. Time to put your bid girls pants on and pull them up high cos this is not the answer.

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Paula (10-02-16)

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## Paula

Pen, Stella's absolutely right.  You're not just hurting yourself, you're hurting your family too.  You need to talk to H and hubby and you HAVE TO GIVE H THOSE TABLETS NOW, telling her how many you've taken today.  Please talk to the Samaritans or go to a&e if you're not safe.

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## Pen

Good morning world

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## Suzi

Morning Pen. I am so concerned about you. Please tell me honestly that you have given the meds to H?

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## Pen

I think that for the sake of all concerned on here that this topic is dropped. I will not be giving the meds to H FULL STOP, end of conversation. 

Next topic.
Once I have got the dog out in this sunshine I am going to spend the day making some models ready for the classes next week. Thought a range of British wildlife might be quite fun, badgers, deer, mice, foxes maybe even experiment with some British birds, what do you think?

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## Suzi

I'll drop the subject, but I do wish that you'd talk to your/a dr about how you are really feeling... 

I think that your models sound lovely. I'll look forward to seeing them!

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## rose

Are you feeling a bit better?

Hedgehogs, Owls..... I've got a stone owl that lives under my Rhododendron. Are you thinking of making them as garden ornaments?

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## OldMike

That's cool Rose hope you feed Mrs owl everyday.

How are you today Pen?

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## rose

No, Mike, I don't. Maybe that's why the Rhododendron has never flowered  :(:

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## Pen

> Are you feeling a bit better?


No getting worst if anything, but lets not go there.




> Hedgehogs, Owls..... I've got a stone owl that lives under my Rhododendron. Are you thinking of making them as garden ornaments?


 No they were going to be smaller than that. There is already a lot of garden ornaments. I was thinking more of small figures to inspire the kids in the classes. Although all I have managed today is to glaze a few pots.

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## OldMike

> No, Mike, I don't. Maybe that's why the Rhododendron has never flowered


I had some old rhododendrons that flowered for years but they just got way too big took them out and replaced them with some white (Cunninghams White) ones and some pink (Pink Pearl) and they have flowered ok since I planted them pink have been in a couple of years the white 6 or 7 years.

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## magie06

Well done on getting that much done. I've brought Aisling to the dentist and I've sat down since. I've done some knitting but that's about it.

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## Suzi

Pen, I was wondering if you minded if I moved this thread to a different section? Over 18's?

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## rose

I put my thread in over 18s because I thought the first post in my thread could be very upsetting to some people. I didn't want to scare off the newbies!

Pen, I am not going to ask if you don't want me to, but I am going to offer a hug  :Panda: . It seems a bit unsatisfactory under the circumstances, but there isn't a lot more I can do right now.

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## Pen

> Pen, I was wondering if you minded if I moved this thread to a different section? Over 18's?


As this thread has been running for nearly a year now maybe its time to kill it off completely.

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## Suzi

OK, I'm happy to close it for you now.

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