# Help and Advice > Home straight >  The father thing *family, possible triggers*

## Techie

Hey, everyone.   :): 

First, I feel the need to offer an acknowledgement that my last post, about stigmas etc, was perhaps a little heavy.  I sincerely apologise if anyone was hurt by it, I think maybe I needed to add a trigger warning to it looking back at it.  While I meant every single word of the post, I realise that there are ways to say things and ways not to, and sometimes my emotions get the better of me - I will do better in the future.

Right!  With that said, another revelation has been had over the last couple of days.  My father.  While he was never overtly abusive, and I hold no animosity towards him, I realise that a lot of issues I have come from behaviour that he has exhibited.  To the point, in fact, that I tend to get physically cold in response to him these days (its a lot warmer now I dont have to live with him)!  The cold feeling led me to believe that I was physically unwell before I realised that the cause of it was emotional, and Ive had a lot of blood tests over the last few years, all of which have been clear.

It wasn't one large event - more like little barbs that still stick in my head 40 years later.  Comments on my appearance, on my manner, etc, to the point that part of me tried to become like him I suppose to deal with it.  He kept on about me being fat, I developed an eating disorder because I came to hate myself for being fat, that kind of thing.  Although each little barb would perhaps have been negligible by itself, there has been a cumulative effect, to the point that my self doubt, be it in the context of relationships, finding work, any number of areas of my life has become quite intense.

I am not 100% sure why I am posting this.  I think its maybe to acknowledge that I am making progress (warmth has begun to re-enter my life in the days since I realised these things), so it is possible to make progress, and that there is hope for us to reach important understandings in our lives, though decades may pass.  If my situation rings a bell with anyone and they can draw a measure of comfort from the fact that things can indeed change, then I am glad about that.

I hope this post finds you well.   :): 

Techie

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## ophelia

I am glad you are making progress

hugs!

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Techie (09-12-17)

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## Suzi

I'm glad that you've worked it out lovely, but am sorry that you've been through this..

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Techie (09-12-17)

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## Paula

To realise all that and to talk about it are huge steps. Well done, lovely

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Techie (11-12-17)

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## Techie

Thankyou, Paula.   :):

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## Prycejosh1987

It seems you are making progress. I do say that you try to leave the bad comments in the past, because it could affect your relationship status quo. I am saying this comments could affect your self esteem and self confidence in going into a relationship mostly. Good luck in having a partner (If you have one) or finding one.

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## Suzi

Please check the dates on the threads, this one is from December 2017!

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## johnsmith

Work-family conflicts are common, but their effects on health are not well known. The aim of this study was to examine the associations between work-family conflicts and self-rated health among middle-aged municipal employees. 
https://iontophoresismachine.org/

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