# Help and Advice > Related Illness/medication/alternatives >  ?????....  Waste of space.

## Marcus

I watched a TV programme the other night about a terminal ill woman who was going through chemotherapy and hoping to reach her 40th birthday (she did thankfully  and has done some amazing things along her way.)

Trying to live her life to the full, going to sleep at night and praying to wake up in the morning so she could carry on living. 

I felt ashamed while watching, Im 50 plus and just wasting my existence, (my excuse is depression, anxiety & alcohol) people say whats the matter with you; their are those out there who would do anything to live! (Even change places with you).  I go to bed at night and dont care if I wake up of a morning, what is wrong with me?  Do I deserve to have that privilege, I dont know.    

  It made me cry (not sure if just for her) or just because of my own selfishness!

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## Suzi

Hi Marcus. Are you still drinking? We haven't seen you for a while. Back in April you were talking about stopping drinking, did you manage that?

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## Marcus

No unfortunately not Suzi, so my state of mind and my (mental health) at this time is of my own doing.

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## Marcus

I know I probably shouldn’t be posting here Suzi, after all the advice I’ve had over the years (mostly not adhered too), but at times it helps me (I feel comfortable here), if it’s inappropriate just let me know?

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## Jarre

We do understand however as always we ask you to try and listen and adhere to the advice to help you out and cut down on the drinking as with all aspects of Mental health its 20% from outside and 80% you to get through it.

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purplefan (17-02-16)

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## Suzi

You are more than welcome to keep posting. How much are you drinking currently? What about asking your GP for help or referral to the drug and alcohol team?

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## purplefan

Hi marcus really hope your a bit better today.
Stay strong. Don't feel selfish.

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## Marcus

> You are more than welcome to keep posting. How much are you drinking currently? What about asking your GP for help or referral to the drug and alcohol team?


Between 70cl and a Litre a day.

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## Paula

> Between 70cl and a Litre a day.


Of what?

Marcus, addiction is a mental health illness. That's not me giving you an excuse to keep drinking, but more me saying that, as with all MH conditions, you need focus to work (often with medical professionals) through this, with a clear aim and working on your support structure and coping mechanisms.  Please talk to your GP, and ask for help in reducing and giving up the drinking - as I think has been said to you before, you can't just stop as that is potentially dangerous. 

And talk to us, it really helps

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## Suzi

I second Paula - of what?

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## Jarre

Vodka or whisky?

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## Marcus

> Of what?


Mainly Vodka...

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## Marcus

Visiting GP and once again declaring that I have failed and that alcohol is a big problem I'm trying to avoid!  Being a failure and going through any treatment again at this time would be very difficult (because of all of my secrecy regarding drinking) also I'm a Primary Carer for my 82 year old mother who is about to go into hospital for an operation.  Probably one of the worst carer's I can imaging all of you thinking!  Alcohol get's me through I suppose.  Hopefully her post op treatment care needs will help me cut down at least.

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## Marcus

I'm ready for the onslaught of being irresponsible to drink while caring for someone, my niece is a big help to me though with my mother.  I'm not trying to excuse my drinking, or am I?

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## Suzi

If you want an "onslaught" then you've come to the wrong place. You do need to get it under control for you and for her. You do need to get some help as you are obviously struggling with it.

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## stephenb

You have an addiction, nobody is going to judge you because of that, and that will affect how you feel. Alcohol and depression go together so when you break that addiction hopefully the depression will ease.  But with any addiction you need the right help to break it. So you haven't overcome it yet. This time might be different. We are here to give you support and pick you up when you fall. Try and make it work this time. PS be a little bit kinder on yourself. Steve.

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## rose

If your mum is going into hospital for a few days, this might be a good time to get treatment for your addiction?
I'm sorry, I don't know much about alcohol addiction and how it can be sorted out, but I imagine it's very hard to stop.
 :(bear):

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## Paula

Marcus, this forum is for support, not blasting. I'm sorry you're still feeling so bad  :(bear):  and hope we can help in some way

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## Marcus

Thanks everyone, I just have a lot of self-pity at the moment!  But a positive I have not had drink in 2 Days, 16 Hours.   I feel terrible but its a start.  My mothers post op care may be an incentive to carry on...  Get my life back and help with my depression.

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## OldMike

Good to hear that Marcus that's a big plus.

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## Suzi

Marcus have you told your care team? Have you just stopped?

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## Marcus

Don't have CMHT anymore so  :X:  just stopped (not good I know) but I do have a prescription for some Diazepam to help me.  If I find myself struggling will contact GP.

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## Suzi

MArcus, please please please listen to me. My father in law is an alcoholic and I know how dangerous just stopping can be. Please speak to someone and get some help and support as you are heading to the most critical time period.

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## Paula

Marcus, please at the very least tell your dr what you're doing, but I'd be happier if you had an appt ........

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## Marcus

11 Days but have lapsed once again ....... :-(

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## john d

I don't know you but I'm a recovering alcoholic. Relapse is a part of recovery.
Don't give up on giving up

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Suzi (05-03-16)

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## Paula

> 11 Days but have lapsed once again ....... :-(


Sweetheart, please speak to your dr and get some support. It's obvious you want to do this, you don't have to struggle alone ....

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## Suzi

Why are you trying to do this alone?

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