# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Aaaaaaaand relax...... SH TRIGGER

## Paula

Hellllooooooooo Im back! I think this might be the longest amount of time Ive spent away from the forum since I joined! Missed you all.

But, I needed it. Ive spent the last few weeks practising what I preach with lots of self care. Ive spent time with the kids, been out a couple of times, have read 5 books, listened to lots of music and binge watched a few programmes  :O: 

Ive also done another exam (92%) and started a new unit of study - Early Church History, which is fascinating

Ive also booked to go and stay with my parents at the end of June for a few days. So, as practise for the drive and ferry, Si and I went to a garden centre 40 mins away from us, I drove both ways and we shopped for about an hour. I managed it though did sleep most of the afternoon lol

My mood swings are still there though but I saw the surgery nurse last week (my first time at this surgery), she took bloods and Im waiting for a call from the doctor today with results. This is the one time I want the results to show an issue as I want there to be an easily resolved issue causing the mood swings.

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Suzi (04-05-21)

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## Angie

Yay welcome back, I am glad you have taken the time you need. Also well done on the drive and booking some time away.
I totally understand where your coming from with the results, hope you get some answers xx

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Paula (04-05-21)

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## Jaquaia

Good to see you back! Well done you on everything!

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Paula (04-05-21)

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## Paula

Had my blood results back. Im not menopausal but.... my thyroid is low, my glucose is low and Im dehydrated. Were putting my thyroxine up by 50%, and bloods to be repeated in 6-8 weeks.

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## Stella180

Oh! That’s not good. So you’re going to get regular reminders to drink throughout the day and eat at regular intervals

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## Suzi

Hello gorgeous, good to see you! 

Glad that the results have shown something and that you can try a relatively simple trial to fix it..

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## Angie

I'm glad that you have an answer sweetie x

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## Strugglingmum

Nice to see you back. I'm glad you have some answers.

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## Paula

> Oh! Thats not good. So youre going to get regular reminders to drink throughout the day and eat at regular intervals


But I do! I drink about 4l a day, have breakfast, lunch and dinner and at least 1 snack every day!

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## Stella180

so care to explain how you could be dehydrated?

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## Paula

Very high doses of amitriptyline....

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## Stella180

interesting.

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## Paula

Why interesting?

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## Knowle

Really lovely to see you back Paula.

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Paula (04-05-21)

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## Suzi

Ami causes dehydration? That makes things make sense for me too...

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## Stella180

> Why interesting?


That you can drink 4 ltrs of water a day and ami literally sucks it up. I don’t know how you manage to drink that much and to still be left dehydrated due to a medication is rough.

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## Paula

> Ami causes dehydration? That makes things make sense for me too...


Big time. Apparently its the reason my gums are not great as I produce very little saliva, and the reason I have to take eye drops every day

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## Suzi

That explains my gums and eyes too. Thanks lovely.

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Paula (05-05-21)

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## OldMike

Good to see you back Paula  :Panda:

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Paula (05-05-21)

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## Paula

Well, as requested by the doctor, Ive been upping my fluid intake. Thursday I had 4.5l, yesterday 5l. Is it possible to drown that way??? I never realised how hard it is to drink that much lol.

Its been a long, long time since my thyroid was as low as it is (not since I had to have the radioactive iodine treatment that destroyed my thyroid) - Id forgotten, but apparently it could take up to 6 weeks for the change in dose to make a change in the symptoms. Looking back, I should have realised there was an issue - low mood, cold all the time, struggling not to gain weight, dry skin, damaged nails, exhausted, aching. I mean, duh!

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## Angie

Oh sweetheart, dont be hard on yourself, as you said its been a long time since you had any of those symptoms so your bound to forget, things happen in between that are at the front of your mind.Please pace and look after you x

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Paula (08-05-21)

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## Stella180

Hey tbf all of these symptoms could’ve been caused by different things too. When you’ve been taking your meds daily you’d thing it was alright. Anyway it’s getting sorted sort, year it’s going to take a bit of time but you’re on the right track.

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Paula (08-05-21)

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## Flo

> Well, as requested by the doctor, Ive been upping my fluid intake. Thursday I had 4.5l, yesterday 5l. Is it possible to drown that way??? I never realised how hard it is to drink that much lol.
> 
> Its been a long, long time since my thyroid was as low as it is (not since I had to have the radioactive iodine treatment that destroyed my thyroid) - Id forgotten, but apparently it could take up to 6 weeks for the change in dose to make a change in the symptoms. Looking back, I should have realised there was an issue - low mood, cold all the time, struggling not to gain weight, dry skin, damaged nails, exhausted, aching. I mean, duh!


It was most of the symptoms you had that made me see the doc before I went into hospital. I was convinced it was my thyroid, so they did a blood test and my thyroid readings plummeted and everything else went haywire too which triggered an investigation..the rest is history..however I had a blood test last Tuesday week and wasn't contacted by a dr. with the results so I'm assuming all is back to normal. Having hypothyroidism sucks doesn't it, but blimey, how do you manage to drink that much? You'd be better getting in the bath, not pulling the plug and drinking the contents 'til you're dry!! :(rofl):

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## Paula

:(rofl):  so true, Flo!

I was actually hyperthyroid (due to lithium) and was told I had no choice but to get the radiation treatment, as hyper could kill me..... so at least I had some warning I was going to go hypo, unlike you - what a nightmare that must have been  :(:

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## Suzi

Haz is hyo too. We've noticed similar symptoms just before hers needs upping. Sorry, I didn't even think about it when you were mentioning it!

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## Allalone

I have hypo as well.

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## Paula

Katies kitten (Sprite)  :(inlove):

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## Stella180

He is soooooo adorable. I’m not really a cat person but those eyes make my heart melt.

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## OldMike

Katies's kitten that's so gorgeous love the name Sprite too  :(inlove):

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## Paula

Katie says hes got a really loud purr. Do tigers purr??

My heads not in the game today, Im feeling really fuzzy. Its definitely a not operating heavy machinery, or the kettle kind of day

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## Stella180

No, cougars are the biggest cats that purr and meow to my knowledge

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## Flo

Awwww...what a sweet pussy!

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## Paula

> No, cougars are the biggest cats that purr and meow to my knowledge


But hes a Bengal  :O:

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## Stella180

Well that was autistic of me! That joke went totally over my head lol

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Paula (08-05-21)

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## Angie

He is so cute. Some cats do purr loud, two of mine you can hear them in another room if the doors open between them!Please take it easy sweetie or I'll end up chasing you round the forum with kippers aswell

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## Stella180

Oh great, Angie’s get her kippers out. That explains the smell coming from the staff room lol

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## Angie

lol..

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## Paula

Uh oh  :O:

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## Suzi

He's so cute! 

Are you pacing?

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## Paula

If by pacing you mean slobbing on the sofa all day under a blanket, then yeah  :O:

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## Angie

Good, more of the same tomorrow I hope xx

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## Paula

I was hoping to do some study, but Ill play it by ear

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## Angie

Maybe pacing the study between resting ?

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Paula (08-05-21)

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## Suzi

Pace for an hour, 10 mins study, pace for an hour, 5 mins study.....

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## Paula

Date night tonight at the drive in  :):

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Stella180 (10-05-21)

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## Angie

Oooh have fun xx

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## Suzi

OOO what'cha seeing?

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## Stella180

More late night shenanigans? You most be home before midnight this time young lady lol

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## Paula

Nope, just got in lol. We saw Chaos Walking, which I enjoyed up to the point that they put the whole second book and 98% of the third book into the last 10 minutes! Apparently they were going to release 3 films......

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## Stella180

You dirty stop out! Sounds like a bit of a let down but I bet you still had a lovely time. Any wildlife on the way home this time?

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## Suzi

So glad you had a good time even if the film was a bit rubbish at the end... 
Are you going to be pacing today?

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## Paula

Ah, yes, Si doesnt think a mouse made it across the road....

I probably will be doing cross stitch today  :):

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## Butterfly

Glad you enjoyed the film, Paula. That sounds like a lovely time even if tze end of the film seemed rushed a bit. Hope you'll have a bright week xx

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Paula (11-05-21)

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## Suzi

I'm glad you're going to be working on cross stitch..

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## Paula

Just ridiculous. Si and I have been invited to see some of his Hive colleagues on Saturday afternoon and Ive agreed. Thing is, Ive never actually met any of them and Im shaking so much at the thought of it that Ive just dropped and smashed a bowl!

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## Angie

Oh sweetheart try and take some deep breaths, have you spoken to Si about how its making you feel?
Could you possibly sit with Si and meet them before just one or two at a time on a video call or let Si chat with them and just sit and listen it might make it easier on the day for you

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## Stella180

Hey you know what? You should be the one shaking with excitement about meeting you! You are awesome and they will love you. I know meeting new people is terrifying but you get to put on your gladrags get your hair done, slap on the make up and have a good time with your husband. Focus on the positives.

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## Suzi

I totally agree with the others! 

It'll be awesome, but even if you hate them then so what? Isn't he leaving soon?

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## Paula

He left in December - but these are his friends (one of them was a friend from Vodafone who recommended him for job at Hive). But Ive said before, I think, how Si has always kept work and home separate. In all the time weve been together, I think Ive only spent significant time with just one person from his work.

Si knows Im anxious...

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## Stella180

So what does this tell you? Si keeps home and work separate but he wants you the meet these people. He wants them to meet you! This is a big positive. Plus if you rarely get to see his work colleagues once this is over you probably won’t see them again. Either that or you’ll make new friends. Struggling to see a downside, apart from that damned anxiety that will tell you lies to stop to from going and enjoying yourself.

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## Suzi

I totally get the anxiety. Marc always kept things really separate too. So although I might have heard the names and the stories I didn't know who was who... You can do this.

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## Stella180

Maybe break down what it is that you are worried about? I know anxiety throws logic out of the window but maybe between us we can help make it easier?

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## Paula

It doesnt help that its my dads 70th Saturday, and theyre coming up so its going to be a full on day

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## Stella180

Ahhhh yeah. That’s tough and it’s obvious Daddy comes first.

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## Suzi

Are you going to be able to take time out to rest a bit? Before, during and most definitely after?

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## Paula

Probably not

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## OldMike

For me Covid factors into meeting people these days and causes anxiety I don't know if this is an issue for you Paula. But like most things meeting new people often seems scarier than actually meeting them also throw a lot of people in a room you can usually find someone who is on your wavelength. I presume these friends of Si's from Hive will be with their husbands/wives/partners I'm sure you'll get on fine.  :Panda:

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## Suzi

Why won't you be able to rest before or after?

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## Paula

Mum and dad are arriving at 10, and the other thing is afternoon, not evening

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## Angie

Can you get some rest in now and then after sweetheart x

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## Suzi

Absolutely plan in resting now and after. Are Mum and Dad only up for the day?

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## Paula

Yes, and theyre seeing my brother in the afternoon. Weve had all sorts of issues with this because my brother wanted to do a bbq for all of us its only 2 days before regs are easing...... and I refused. As it is, if it rains on Saturday, its going to be difficult

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## Suzi

It puts you in a very difficult position.... That can't be helping with your anxiety... What does Si say?

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## Paula

Si agreed with me, but we had words yesterday as I asked what well do if it rains, and he said well, you cant see them then. I told Si an hour ago that I was anxious over meeting his friends and he told me that theyre nice people and youll be fine. Aaaarrrrggggh does he not get anxiety, even after all these years???

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## Stella180

But, you do know anxiety very well. You know that it is irrational, and if you give into it you’ll never do anything. You also know that if you can fight through the anxiety symptoms you are likely to have a lovely time. I know it’s not easy stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting new people but you can do this.

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## Paula

When has he, or anyone for that matter, ever seen me give into it? That doesnt mean that, if I say to him Im anxious, I dont want empathy, rather than a youll be fine

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## Stella180

I’m gonna shut up now.

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## Suzi

> When has he, or anyone for that matter, ever seen me give into it? That doesn’t mean that, if I say to him I’m anxious, I don’t want empathy, rather than a ‘you’ll be fine’


OMG What it is with men? The other night I was sobbing and Marc just ignored me, it was Fern who gave me a hug and wanted to hold me until I could breathe again.... He just "didn't get it" apparently. I know he didn't mean to be unfeeling but all I had from him is that my sisters were probably right and we should drive down to "fix it" - me apologise when it wasn't my fault...... 
Although I know he's right (both Marc and Si) and you will be fine, I can totally understand the need for someone to sit with you for a bit and empathise with how much of a big deal this feels right now....

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## Paula

Thank you!

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## Suzi

You're welcome. I do understand....

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## Angie

It is the way it is said to you that doesn't help, and sometimes I think men find it hard on how to say things itms?

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## Paula

Yeah, I know

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## Suzi

How are you today love?

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## Paula

Im ok  :):

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## Suzi

Really OK? What'cha up to today?

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## Paula

Im being kind to me - cross stitch  :):

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Stella180 (13-05-21)

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## Suzi

Good plan!

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## Paula

Forgot to say, I was talking to the GP the other day to get the meds I take for my IIH put on repeat. She told me it can reduce sodium levels and put pressure on kidneys.......

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## Suzi

Oh love... 

How are you today?

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## Stella180

One know the way the medication game works. Fix one thing risk other problem.

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## Paula

Im ok. Really looking forward to seeing mum and dad

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## Stella180

I bet you are too. Hope you have a lovely time with your folks and Happy Birthday to your dad.

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## Suzi

I'm so pleased you're going to get to see them both! Happy birthday to your Dad too!

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## Angie

Have a great time with your parents sweetie, happy birthday to your Dad from me aswell x

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## Paula

It was so wonderful seeing mum dad (though their ferry got cancelled so had to take a later one meaning it was all a bit more rushed -hey ho). I think dad was really happy to see us all on his birthday (even if he does have to cope with being in his seventies lol). Sis friends were all lovely and it was a good afternoon. Im absolutely wrecked so its a quiet day today  :O:

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## Angie

Sorry it was a bit rushed but glad you had a good time with your parents hunni, and also really glad that you had a good time with Si's friends, please rest now though xx

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## Suzi

YAY for seeing your parents! Sorry it was a shorter time, but you're going to stay with them soon aren't you?
So glad everything went well with Si'd friends - knew it would!

Hope today is a resting and pacing day..

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## Paula

Yep, Im going over on 24 June  :):

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## Suzi

That's going to be so good for you!

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## Stella180

I wish you had more time with the ‘rents but it’s better than no time at all.

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## Butterfly

So happy that you've been able to see your parents! Sad that it was cut short but it's always so good to have a meeting with the parents, no matter how small. Glad you're able to see them again next month  :):

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## Suzi

Morning love, how are you doing?

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## Paula

Im ok, I really rested yesterday so am recovered from Saturday. I even texted the host yesterday to thank her  :): 

Study today....

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## Suzi

Yay! So positive! Are you going to repeat it at all?

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## Paula

What? The socialising or the hiding under a blanket? :(giggle):

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## Suzi

Either/Or...  :(rofl):

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## Paula

I think so  :): 

I made a booboo..... and had to fess up to the MIL......

Im going to my parents from 24-27 June. My FILs birthday party is on 26 June.........

Shes forgiven me, I think  :(blush):

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## Suzi

Oops! Lol... Never mind! I'm sure missing one birthday isn't too bad, you going and spending time with your parents is important!

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## Paula

Its ok, I claimed thyroid brain  :O:

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Strugglingmum (17-05-21),Suzi (17-05-21)

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## OldMike

> It’s ok, I claimed thyroid brain


Always blame the computer, "My computer got it wrong"  :(giggle):

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## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

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## Paula

Very, very tired and achy today, so Ive been quietly doing cross stitch.

However, Katies come over for dinner and hugs, so Im happy

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Stella180 (18-05-21)

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## Suzi

Hooray for Katie! Hope you're having something yummy!

Glad you've taken it easier too, sorry about the achiness and tiredness...

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## Paula

We had a lovely lunch (inside a pub!) yesterday with the girls  :): . And today, Katie and I are visiting my favourite antiques centre. It warms my heart being able to socialise with my family again!

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Jaquaia (22-05-21),OldMike (22-05-21),Stella180 (22-05-21),Suzi (22-05-21)

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## Suzi

That's soo fabulous!

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## Paula

Hmmm, so I may not have been fully open recently. Ive been getting headaches every day for the past couple of weeks. Theyve not been *seeing stars* headaches but theyve been there, and the past couple of days Ive been a bit nauseous and drowsy.  Im seeing the opthmalogist tomorrow so if theres an issue there, Ill know.

But, in more positive news, Si has an interview tomorrow!

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## Angie

Good luck to Si for tomorrow 

I hope it goes well with the ophthalmologist hunni x

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## Suzi

Why haven't you mentioned the headaches? 
I'm glad you're seeing the opthamologist. Let us know how it goes? 

What's the job for Si? Hope it goes well!

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## Strugglingmum

Hope today is positive for you both

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## Paula

> Why haven't you mentioned the headaches? 
> I'm glad you're seeing the opthamologist. Let us know how it goes? 
> 
> What's the job for Si? Hope it goes well!


Because theyve not been really bad, just nagging itms. It was only yesterday I started feeling nauseous.

The job? Pricing for a tech company, thats as much as I know - his career choice is dull lol (he doesnt even try to tell me what hes doing any more  :(rofl): )

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## Suzi

Are you OK about seeing the opthamologist? 

OO that sounds.... erm...... mathematical?  :(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

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## OldMike

Si maybe a secret agent disguised as a tech pricing executive  :(giggle):

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## Paula

> Are you OK about seeing the opthamologist?


Yeah, its a routine appt that just happens to come at the right time. I dont like visual fields tests but am used to them

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## Stella180

I know all about “nagging” issues and underselling them. I’m guilty of that too but I’m regularly told that any change should be taken seriously. Better safe than sorry. I also know that the simple things that can be excused as “just a headache”, just an upset tummy”, just a bug” are the hardest cos you don’t wanna make a big deal about a small thing and it’s embarrassing when it’s nothing more that what it appeared to be. 

You have your appointment now and hopefully it’s nothing major.

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## Suzi

What time's your appointment?

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## Paula

9.20..

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## Suzi

Hope it goes well today love. Make sure you rest afterwards....

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## Paula

Scans and tests ok, optic nerves still swollen but no worse than last time. Follow up in 3 months. Im shattered so I will be taking it easy for the rest of the day  :O:

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## Stella180

Rest sounds like a good plan.

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## Strugglingmum

Feet up princess and breathe.

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## OldMike

Feet up and maybe a bit of cross stitch  :O:

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## Paula

> Feet up and maybe a bit of cross stitch


Exactly, Mike  :):

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## Suzi

So glad that there's no change... Have you rested?

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## Paula

Yes, but Im still very tired....

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## Suzi

Then you need to rest and pace more.........

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## Stella180

Early night for you Paula. If I see a reply to this thread before morning you’re in trouble.

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## Suzi

How are you today hunni?

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## Paula

Ok, so far. But my head last night was tough. Im leaning towards it being me finally getting the headaches normally associated with IIH though Im due more bloods in a couple of weeks

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## Suzi

Oh I hope not lovely... Are you hydrating enough? Eating enough?

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## Paula

Yes, loads, and yes. In fact Ive stopped tracking with weightwatchers and am probably eating slightly more than I have been for the past year. Ill wait and see what the bloods say

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## Suzi

When do you get the results?

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## Paula

Havent had them done yet - I cant for another 2-3 weeks

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## Suzi

Fair enough x Are you resting and pacing?

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## Paula

Yes..

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## Suzi

Promise?

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## Paula

Promise

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## Suzi

Morning love, how are you doing?

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## Paula

Im ok, having my hair cut, mani and pedi today so a real pampering day ahead  :):

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## Suzi

OO sounds lovely! Enjoy your pampering day!

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## Stella180

Nice! That’s the way go get ready for the weekend.

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## Paula

Once upon a time I was a real sun worshipper - Id be out there for hours, and would tan as soon as look at the sun. Today, I cant sit in direct sunlight (and not because Im a vampire - my skin burns where the crps is!) and the heat is hurting my knee, my hip and my hand. Therefore, Im grumpy...... (my family have run for cover  :O: )

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## Suzi

Oh, I hate the sun as I've developed an allergy to it over the years. Stupidly I didn't sun cream (factor 50) before going to Mums.... so I arrived begging for an antihistamine... I'm not burnt, just an allergy rash!

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## Paula

Its very late/early but Im just chilling after an evening with friends- inc my ex husband  :O: . Si did a lovely bbq and it was so great to have a proper grownup evening. I may be a little tipsy and will probably pay for it tomorrow but totally worth it lol

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## Suzi

YAY! So glad you had a lovely time! How are you doing this morning? lol

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## Paula

Im absolutely fine! Which is a miracle as Id had gin, red wine and Sambuca, and didnt go to bed til 2am. :O:

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## Stella180

Oh you party animal! So glad you had a lovely evening.

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Paula (13-06-21)

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## Paula

After months getting Si to agree to get our new furniture, and 2 months waiting for it, 3 of the 4 pieces turned up yesterday (the tv unit is still to come). And its beautiful, except that the coffee table has a massive crack right through the middle. *sighs in frustration*

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## Suzi

It is beautiful! Are you going to complain about the coffee table?

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## Paula

Itll have to be replaced - its the whole length of it

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## Suzi

That's always disappointing! Hope it arrives soon!

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## Paula

So, I know Ive not said much recently. No real reason, I dont think.

Anyway, yesterday Si had 2 interviews, both went well, one was good but the other was a 2nd interview for what sounds like his perfect job. I think were both trying very hard not to get our hopes up. 6 months without work is a little too long for our nerves..

Im going to mum and dads on Thursday, Im  excited, but nervous about the journey too.

All in all, Im a little on edge

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## Jaquaia

You'll be fine. I know that as you're awesome

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## Suzi

Perfect job? Is that a mix of working from the office and home? Locally? When's he likely to hear? 

I can totally see why you're nervous about the drive. You'll be OK as long as you remember to take rest breaks and pace yourself. At the other end of the journey are 2 loving parents who want to spoil you and take care of you. When it's time to come home you'll have Si waiting for you x You've got this.

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## Paula

The job is Director of Pricing and Strategy which is on a par with his job at Hive, the package is good and itll probably be a mix of office and home. The job suits him to a tee and he wouldnt have to manage a direct line team - which he hates because hes just too nice. He should hear this week about the next stage (presentation)

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## Suzi

That sounds really good. Is the office location near or far?

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## Paula

Slough, so not too bad

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## Stella180

The home of the Mars bar.

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## Suzi

Only about 35 mins away from me!  :):

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## Paula

> The home of the Mars bar.


I went to the factory as part of my A level Business Studies course. They sent us all home with a ton of seconds. Best day of my life  :O:

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## Stella180

I remember going past it when I was a kid cos my brother took me to work with him in the lorry. I got to sleep in the cab which would’ve been brilliant if we hadn’t parked up for night somewhere pretty close to Heathrow.

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## Paula

Hey, Im home! Had an absolutely wonderful time and was spoiled rotten! Ate way too much (Im surprised I havent morphed into a cake lol), my dad managed not too fuss too much and the weather held until yesterday. And I managed the trip, without letting anxiety ruin things  :):

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OldMike (28-06-21),Stella180 (28-06-21)

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## OldMike

Woo hoo sounds like you had a lovely time.

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## Suzi

I'm so glad you had such a good time! The pics are awesome! Make sure you rest a bit now lovely!

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## Stella180

See, anxiety doesn’t rule over you. So glad you were able to have a good time.

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## Paula

Oh Im resting! Cross stitch and Wimbledon  :):

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Stella180 (28-06-21)

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## Suzi

Good! I'm glad you're resting!

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## Jaquaia

Sounds awesome!!!

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## Paula

Hmmm, so Im in a bit of pain today. I obviously didnt sit very well while studying yesterday as my neck and back are on fire. And I turned over my foot yesterday so my whole lower leg is in flare. So sitting with a heat pad on my back, doing nothing but watching tv atm, and clock watching for meds.

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## Knowle

Sorry to hear that you are in pain, Paula. I hope you are feeling better soon.

----------


## Suzi

Oh ouch! What happened with your foot? Are you resting properly?

----------


## Stella180

You can watch the tennis and update us on what is happening.

----------


## Paula

> Oh ouch! What happened with your foot? Are you resting properly?


Ive spent the entire day with a heat pad around my neck and upper back - Ive literally just turned it off. Nothing happened with the foot, it just turned over when I took a step. That was obviously enough to send my nerves into hyper mode

----------


## Suzi

Ouch! 

How are you today? A second day of resting and pacing?

----------


## Paula

Lol no, Im out with my best friend for coffee this morning, and to my brothers for dinner. But I am better than yesterday and socialising will be good for me

----------


## Suzi

Glad it's good things...

----------


## Paula

Ive relented to what Si has been nagging me about for weeks. My headaches are still here, Ive been getting neck ache for the last week and today Im dizzy. It may just be a sore neck, but Ive made a telephone appointment with the neurologist.

----------


## Jaquaia

Good. It's best to get checked out  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

So why has it taken Si nagging at you for weeks for you to do anything about it???? 

I'm glad you've done that - when's it for?

----------


## Paula

Because I was having other investigations, my thyroid was out of whack. It could have been that causing the headaches, and the sore neck could be just that. But Ive been so dizzy today.

Its Thursday

----------


## Suzi

Ahh, OK... Is your thyroid more under control? 

Thursday is good, not too long to wait.

----------


## Paula

Thyroid was slightly over a couple of weeks ago, but meds have been adjusted so it should be fine. Lithium was checked last week and thats ok too

----------


## Suzi

How are you today love?

----------


## Paula

About the same, but I didnt have a great nights sleep so that doesnt help.

In much better news, Si is doing a presentation today for one job, hes just found out hes through to the next stage of his dream job, and yesterday a recruitment consultant was so excited about putting him forward for another role that she put it all over LinkedIn (without naming him of course)

----------


## OldMike

That's good news about Si getting put through the next stage for a new job.

----------

Paula (07-07-21)

----------


## Stella180

Just a matter of time til he’s back in work again.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Ooo all sounds exciting on the job front. Hope your day is good. X

----------


## Suzi

Do you know why you didn't have a good nights sleep? 

Hope all goes well for Si's presentation! Sounds like he's really popular!

----------


## Paula

No idea, but Ive just had a power nap  :):

----------


## Suzi

Good! You obviously needed it!

----------


## Suzi

How did it go yesterday?

----------


## Paula

So, dr is not immediately concerned but realised he hasnt seen me face to face since September so hes going to get an appointment set up. Im ok with that and, if hes happy when he sees me, Ill get an appointment with the osteopath - something I cant do until Ive had the ok from the neurologist

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad you spoke to him and that he's arranging that appointment. Was Si able to be with you yesterday? Has he helped lessen his concerns at all? 

How did his presentation go?

----------


## Paula

Yes, he was with me. Hes happy.

The presentation went really well. He hears early next week. Also hes got an interview in London for another role on Monday  :):

----------

Suzi (09-07-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

That all sounds very positive Paula. So pleased.  X

----------


## Suzi

Busy bee! 

Where's he at with the dream job? Is that one closer to home?

----------


## Paula

Oooo the dream job! Its in Slough, I think, but prob mainly home based. Hes got interviews on Wednesday. I say interviews because hes got 4, with different people, starting at 1.30pm and going on til 7pm..

----------


## Suzi

Wow! That's a lot of interviews! He's going to deserve some self care after all that!

----------


## Paula

Well, well, well. Just had a text from MIL. Id shared Suzis DWD fb post re the meme that being in nature is an antidepressant, medication is shit? Id written how furious it had made me, that medication had saved life and I will never be ashamed of taking it. MIL liked the post and said Re fb meant I liked what you said NOT what the stupid person who put up the message. They are daft buggers xxx

I never in a million years thought that I would ever get such a supportive message re my MH from her. Im actually quite emotional!

----------

Jaquaia (10-07-21),Stella180 (10-07-21),Strugglingmum (10-07-21),Suzi (10-07-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Aw that's lovely. What an encouragement for you.  Xx

----------


## Suzi

That's amazing! I'm so, so, so glad that it's had such a positive effect!!!!

----------


## Paula

Considering for over 20 years her attitude re my MH has been *challenging*, Im stunned  :):

----------

Suzi (10-07-21)

----------


## Paula

Its been a bit of a project but, finally (!) my living room is finished!!





convert json to geojson python

----------

Jaquaia (10-07-21)

----------


## Stella180

Yeah looks good but where are the puppy dogs?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Looks wonderful.  You have beautiful taste. X

----------

Paula (10-07-21)

----------


## Paula

They got chucked out for the photos  :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

I house ain’t a home without furry friends.

----------


## Paula

I know  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

Love it!

----------

Paula (10-07-21)

----------


## Suzi

It's stunning!

----------

Paula (10-07-21)

----------


## Paula

So, Ive had a lovely morning with Katie, getting my instructions for Sprite sitting over the next few days  :): . Hes such a poppet, itll be a hardship lol

----------

Stella180 (12-07-21),Suzi (12-07-21)

----------


## Stella180

Are you staying at her house?

----------


## Paula

No, just going there to stay with him for a couple of hours a day - the big plus in having a cat, not dogs lol

----------


## Suzi

That sounds lovely!

----------


## Suzi

How's your day been? How was kitten sitting?  :):

----------


## Paula

Kitten sitting was lovely. We played, we cuddled, he ate, he pooped, he desperately needs the chop cos he got all excited when I stroked his back  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

A randy little fella then lol

----------


## Paula

Apparently, Im the only one hes done that to - and I should count myself privileged  :(shake):

----------


## Stella180

I have so many jokes and not enough time.

----------


## Paula

What can I say? Obviously still got it!  :O:

----------

Stella180 (14-07-21)

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):  That's hilarious!

----------


## Paula

Sis finished all the interviews. He thinks it went well, but its just a waiting game now. Hes knackered but has got an interview tomorrow with Deliveroo so has to start afresh in the morning.

----------


## Stella180

I’m assuming he’s not getting his bike out and delivering Big Macs? Lol

----------


## Paula

Nope.

----------


## Suzi

Good for him! He's obviously very wanted to have so many interviews! Does he have a favourite so far?

----------


## Paula

Todays is the favourite, its exactly what he was looking for - and the package is good.

----------


## Suzi

OOO hope todays goes brilliantly for him!

----------


## OldMike

Hope all goes well with Si and his interview.

----------


## Stella180

Got everything crossed for him.

----------


## Suzi

How does he think he did?

----------


## Paula

Ok, but we wont know for a few days

----------


## Suzi

Fingers crossed for him!

----------


## Paula

Soooo, I had a health check at the doctors today and I have officially got on top of my high blood pressure - no more BP meds! :(party):

----------

Jaquaia (21-07-21),Stella180 (21-07-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Brilliant!!!

----------


## Suzi

That's awesome! Well done love!

----------


## Paula

Jess really, really hurt me last night. Back story - most of my working life was spent in HR and recruitment.

Jess wants to start looking for a new job so needed to update her CV. Despite my experience, she insisted on Si helping her, which actually meant Si spent an hour completely rewriting it with her input. Once hed done, as I was sitting next to him, he passed the laptop over so I could check it over. I saw a big mistake in how certain bits (her exams) were set out so started to fix the issue. Jess flew over to me, snatched the laptop out of my hands and told me to mind my own business! I mean, CVS were literally my job. Ive read and processed thousands, rewritten hundreds and interviewed goodness knows how many applicants based on them. No matter how hard I try, she just keeps rejecting me.

----------


## Stella180

That’s a bit harsh. You were only trying to help.

----------


## Suzi

I'm sorry love. Did she explain why?

----------


## Paula

Si spoke to her. Her response was to stand next to me and say you alright?  That was it, no apology, no explanation.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds horrible. What did Si say after that? I thought things between you and Jess had calmed down? 

I sympathise, things are awkward to say the least with Fern and... Well about everyone I think...

----------


## Paula

Things have calmed down, mainly because I make a big effort to keep them calm. But I dont deserve for her to treat me as a second class parent.

----------


## Strugglingmum

I'm so sorry Paula. It's a horrible feeling when they reject your help. I've been there. 
I dont think they realise how much they damage us at times and I dont think they mean to.
Dear knows what goes on in their heads.  :Panda: 
Let's lash out at mum.... she can take it and wont pull me up in it. I can get away with being a cow and take my frustration out on her and then make her feel like she's making a big deal out of nothing .

That seems to have been the script here at times. Only hope I can offer is, it did get better

----------


## Paula

Thank you

----------


## Suzi

You're right, you don't deserve it... I've had it with F time and time again. It really hurts. Sending love and hugs...

----------

Paula (30-07-21)

----------


## Paula

Ok, Ive got to admit that Im struggling. The past few days Ive been extremely anxious, shaking, fidgety. I thought it was waiting for my exam result but Ive got that and still havent calmed down. Im also struggling to do anything/get motivated.

----------


## Suzi

I was wondering if you were going to open about this. What things are going round and round in your head? Are things calmer with Jess? What about Si's job situation?

----------


## Knowle

Really sorry to hear that Paula. I hope you are feeling brighter soon - sending you a hug.

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda: 
Are there worries going round in your head or is it negative thoughts troubling you do you think?

----------


## Allalone

:Panda:

----------


## Paula

> I was wondering if you were going to open about this. What things are going round and round in your head? Are things calmer with Jess? What about Si's job situation?


Wrist firmly slapped  :O: 

Jess is ok, shes got a few job interviews coming up next week - so Ive got both of them looking lol

I think its mainly Sis job situation - hes been out of work for 8 months now and money is getting a tad scarcer. Hes very calm about it all, but I just cant do that.

----------


## Suzi

Did nothing come of the interviews he did a while ago? Or are they just slow deciding? It must be quite anxious with so many interviews going on etc. It doesn't make it easier for you. Are you talking to Si about how you are feeling and that you're getting more concerned about the financial side of things? 

What are you doing to help you right now?

----------


## Paula

Hes not had feedback yet, he is chasing and being told hell hear soon. Hes had more, and has another lined up next week. He just keeps telling me not to worry.

Today, I painted my nails and my toes, and cross stitched.

----------


## Knowle

I really hope he finds something soon.

Good for you, Paula in doing something positive today - I hope it has given you a boost.

----------

Paula (08-08-21)

----------


## Suzi

Have you been honest with him and told him how much it's worrying you and him saying "don't worry" is actually making it worse? Maybe if you sat down together and he was able to show you that things are OK then you wouldn't worry so much? I know that we've had times where I've literally been counting every penny just for Marc to then announce that we had more available than I thought.... Talk to him love. Tell him how badly this is affecting you. 

I hope today is planned to rest, pace and do more things that are good for your soul.

----------


## Paula

He knows, he knows me better than I know myself, and we do talk. And all our finances are joint so I know how much there is. It doesnt help that weve been waiting for a £7k tax rebate for months now. He keeps saying itll come in and its practically money in the bank, except I dont think the Halifax will accept the promise of money from the tax man as a mortgage payment lol. Were not out of money yet but its disappearing rapidly.

Today, I shall be watching the church service and then Si and I are taking the dogs to give blood  :):

----------


## Suzi

I can see why you're worried, but I'm really glad you're talking about everything with Si. Can you cut back a bit on spending so you can feel more confident about it all? 

Today sounds good.

----------


## Paula

Weve cut back loads, tbh our spending now is probably half what it was when he was working - apart from stuff weve done to the house (weve started talking about moving). Im actually very surprised the savings have lasted as long as they have - I was expected to run out after 6 months

Edit

But its not just the money. He needs a job for his mental health, and I need space.

----------


## Suzi

I can understand that need for space... 

Why are you thinking of moving when you've been getting the house how you like it?

----------


## Paula

Future proofing, for one, something smaller. Also, Si is fed up with being overlooked, he wants to move to a village.

----------


## Suzi

I can understand that... How do you feel about it?

----------


## Paula

Well, I always said Id never live in the country lol

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):  But a nice country manor house maybe?

----------


## Paula

Something smaller!!!  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Ahh, so a moderate mansion then?

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

How are you this morning love?

----------


## OldMike

> Well, I always said I’d never live in the country lol


Nothing wrong with living in the country if you've got transport  :):

----------


## Paula

> Nothing wrong with living in the country if you've got transport


Its the septic tanks and how horribly dark and quiet it is that I dont like.

----------


## Stella180

You don’t have to live off the grid. I grew up on an estate on the edge of farmland. We had a bus, local shops a post office and pubs and all the usual amenities. There is a compromise.

----------


## Paula

Not around here, its either big town or rural - certainly at the sort of prices we can afford

----------


## Suzi

Are you planning on staying where you are roughly?

----------


## Paula

Within shouting distance, for the kids

----------


## Suzi

Sounds great!

----------


## Paula

Si didnt get the dream job
I have a very sore throat
Im definitely grumpy

Edit. Jax gave blood last weekend and theyve told us hes got some mild abnormalities in his blood (I knew there was something else making me grumpy)

----------


## Suzi

Oh love... 
I'm sorry for Si, it obviously wasn't the perfect job for him! How's he holding up? 
Are you hydrating? Resting? 

Oh no, when do you hear about Jax?

----------


## Paula

Hes ok, disappointed but he handles these things better than I do lol

Yes and yes

Ive emailed the vets to make an appointment

----------


## Suzi

How are you today love?

----------


## Paula

Shaky. But really chuffed that Ive had positive feedback for the Facebook page Ive just taken over for the Health Information Point I volunteer for  :):

----------

Jaquaia (14-08-21)

----------


## Suzi

I'm so proud of you! 

Shaky? Mentally or physically?

----------


## Paula

Both, but Ive definitely got a cold so that wont help.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sorry you're not feeling well and for Si as well.
But huge pat on the back for your Facebook page (I had to edit that...my phone predictive text had me patting you on the back for your faeces)
Hope Jax is ok and nothing too weird going on.

----------


## Suzi

Are you resting? Pacing? Have you told Si how you're feeling? 

When's the appointment for Jax?

----------


## Paula

> Are you resting? Pacing? Have you told Si how you're feeling? 
> 
> When's the appointment for Jax?


Resting, and more resting/sleep. Si and I are talking - when Ive actually got a voice to talk with lol. Jaxs appointment is Wednesday 




> Sorry you're not feeling well and for Si as well.
> But huge pat on the back for your Facebook page (I had to edit that...my phone predictive text had me patting you on the back for your faeces)
> Hope Jax is ok and nothing too weird going on.


 :(rofl): 
Thanks, hunni

----------


## Suzi

How are you feeling today lovely?

----------


## Paula

Crap, really crap. Almost lost my voice.

----------


## Suzi

Where's this come from? You sure it's a cold and nothing else? When did you last get your thyroid/lithium checked? 
Are you resting?

----------


## Paula

Thyroid was checked about 4/6? weeks ago, lithium a week later

Ive done 3 lateral flow tests which were negative, but I have ordered a PCR test just to be sure. But Im pretty sure its just a cold 

Yes, Im resting/sleeping.

----------


## Allalone

Take care.  :(bear):

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope you feel better soon. Xx

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, you sound so sad! I wish I could give you a huge hug**!



**Disclaimer, this would be conducted whilst wearing a full hazmat suit*** as I don't want your germs, but will still be done with lots and lots of love.... 

*** Can you use crutches whilst wearing said hazmat suit?

----------


## Paula

Perhaps you could sew the crutches into the suit? Last night Si and Jess told me not to enter the same room as them as it was my quarantine zone  :(rofl): 

Im not sad, hun, just feeling lousy. Ill live

----------


## Suzi

Awww poorest you! I hope you're making them bring you food, drinks, snacks and are snuggled and resting....

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope you feel a bit better today. Xx

----------


## Suzi

Hey lurgy infested, but still awesome person... How are you feeling today?

----------


## Paula

Its a duvet type of day I tried to go for a shower but couldnt face it.

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni! I was really hoping you were feeling brighter today... Make sure you snuggle and just stick on a box set.... I assume you've watched Bridgerton?

----------


## Allalone

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

----------

Paula (14-08-21)

----------


## Paula

> Oh hunni! I was really hoping you were feeling brighter today... Make sure you snuggle and just stick on a box set.... I assume you've watched Bridgerton?


Oh yes! Ive been binge watching Enterprise (I got withdrawal from Quantum Leap  :O: )

----------


## Suzi

OO loved it! I do love a bit of sci fi! 

Are your lurgy germs transmittable through the admin coffee machine? I have developed a really sore throat today.... Have lateral flow test handed to me by my children who seem to be remarkably thrilled by me taking one as any time they've had any symptoms I've asked them to test..... The only places I've been have been sitting in the car or to the vaccination centre with each of mine!  :(rofl):  Am sure it's just a crappy sore throat, but double checking to keep the kids quiet!  :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Oops sorrrry.

Im a bit grumpy about this - considering I havent left the house for 10 days, I must have picked this up from either Si or Jess, and theyre both disgustingly healthy!

----------


## Suzi

I hate that... Could it be hayfever? A different allergy?

----------


## Paula

No, not in the slightest, unless allergies causes full body pain.

----------


## Stella180

How you feeling now?

----------


## Suzi

Hope you're feeling a bit brighter in the morning love... 

(My covid test was negative!)

----------


## Paula

Great news Suzi!

My chest is hurting this morning and my energy is non existent but Ill live. My pcr test was done and posted yesterday, though the lateral flows were negative so Im pretty sure its not covid

----------


## Suzi

How long have you been feeling rough love?

----------


## Paula

Since Wednesday, started with my sore throat. I put makeup on today to try to make myself feel better. Didnt work, Im knackered now

----------


## Stella180

Knackered but looking good  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Hunni, you've been poorly for 5 days. If you aren't feeling brighter tomorrow will you think about calling your Dr?

----------


## Paula

If its not covid, theyll tell me its a virus and to rest, take painkillers. No point

----------


## Suzi

I understand that, but it might pay to let them know you are struggling atm too....

----------


## Paula

Im feeling a touch more human this morning. Yesterday was tough, my asthma was struggling for most of yesterday but I got through. I need to get better, tomorrows my wedding anniversary!

----------


## Suzi

So glad to hear you are feeling even a tad brighter. 

How many years tomorrow?

----------


## Paula

20!..

----------


## Suzi

Wow! Have you got him a present? What did you get him?

----------


## Paula

No, weve decided to wait for pressies til he gets a job - hes not sure what he wants and we will be remaking my engagement ring in platinum so I can wear it again (20 is platinum). Thats not going to be cheap

----------


## Strugglingmum

Glad you are feeling a bit better. Xx

----------

Paula (16-08-21)

----------


## Suzi

What a special thing for you to do! Definitely worth the wait!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Happy Anniversary lovely lady to you and your lovely Si. 
Congratulations  :(party):

----------


## Stella180

Happy Anniversary Paula and Si.

----------


## Suzi

Happy Anniversary to you both! Hope you're feeling better enough to enjoy it!

----------


## Paula

Thank you! And Im feeling lots better today  :):

----------


## Strugglingmum

So glad you are feeling better today. X

----------

Paula (17-08-21)

----------


## Suzi

Hooray for you feeling better! That's brilliant news!

----------

Paula (17-08-21)

----------


## Allalone

Happy anniversary!

----------

Paula (17-08-21)

----------


## Paula

The kids gave us a photo album today. This statement means everything to me  :):

----------

OldMike (18-08-21),Stella180 (18-08-21)

----------


## Suzi

What a wonderful gift! 

That's made me cry! That's such an amazing page. So beautiful!

----------

Paula (18-08-21)

----------


## Paula

My PCR result is negative.

----------


## Suzi

YAY for negative!

----------


## OldMike

Yipee it's positive it is negative  :(party):

----------


## Paula

The dogs had their jabs today so the vet was able to talk us through some dodgy bloods that the Pet Blood Bank had picked up. He has Chromasia, which is where immature red blood cells flood the system. The issue is finding out why as its a symptom rather than cause. The sample they had clotted so they couldnt complete the tests - theyve taken more today and theyll be back tomorrow. It could be anaemia (probably is), but it could also be leukaemia.

----------


## Suzi

I really, really hope it's anaemia as that's much easier to treat. Glad it's been picked up though so you can work on getting him better.

----------


## OldMike

Hope he is okay and fingers crossed the vet gives him the all clear.

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing today gorgeous?

----------


## Paula

Im ok, still got a headache from my big but Ill live. Going to try to study today 

Jess has got a new job!

----------


## Suzi

OO What's Jess's new job? 
Are you hydrating enough? Resting and pacing enough?

----------


## Paula

Its similar to what she does now - underwriting for a finance company - but with a £10 pay rise! She actually just found out shes been offered something else too, but shes decided to go for the first one

Hydrating, yes. Resting and pacing, no choice. But Im going to study this afternoon - see how I go

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hurrah for Jess!! 
Hope the studying goes well. X

----------


## Suzi

Hooray for Jess! That's awesome! 

Definitely keep on pacing. Be kind to you lovely...

----------


## Paula

So, last night I laid in bed from 8pm onwards as sideways was the only way I could cope with my head! Its better this morning though not completely gone, but after 3 days with a headache,Ill take better

----------


## OldMike

That's good about Jess and her new job. Paula hope your headache subsides soon  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

So glad it's even a tiny bit better lovely...

----------


## Strugglingmum

How's the head now?  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

How did the studying go?

----------


## Paula

Didnt study, the head comes and goes but Ive noticed Im struggling a little in lower light so that wont help. Good job Im seeing the ophthalmologist this week  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Got a good lamp to help?

----------


## Paula

Lots.

----------


## Suzi

Good. 
How are you today lovely?

----------


## Paula

Not too bad

----------


## Suzi

How's the head? Your eyes?

----------


## Paula

Eyes come and go, head is bearable today

----------


## Stella180

I think I’ve inherited your headache tonight.

----------


## Suzi

Hunni, will you talk to your care team/neurologist re your headache? I know you're seeing your opthamologist, but I think you need to be seen asap...

----------


## Paula

Ill see what the visual fields test is like on Wednesday. I have spoken to my neurologist, who kindly sent a letter telling me to lose weight.

----------


## Suzi

Really? That's so "kind" of him....

----------


## Paula

Isnt it just :/

----------


## Jaquaia

What? I thought you'd gotten down to what you needed to so how does that bloody help?

----------


## Paula

No idea, I was originally told to lose 10%, Ive lost way, way more than that.

----------


## Suzi

You really have. That must have been a complete kick in the teeth. What a git!

----------


## Paula

Yep.

----------


## Suzi

:Panda:   :(bear):

----------


## Strugglingmum

How are you today lovely lady?

----------


## Paula

Im ok, no headache for the first time in ages, atm.. actually have some energy lol

----------


## Stella180

That sounds positive.

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo!

----------


## Paula

Today has been up and down. I got to spend some time with mum, (ferrying her around town) which was fab!

I had an early eye appointment - lots of tests and scans, and saw the ophthalmologist. Hes confirmed which Id feared given my headaches (although my vision is fine, thank God) - the pressure on my optic nerves has increased in both eyes. Hes going to email my neurologist today and request I have an appointment as soon as possible

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, I'm sorry.... Is it a case of different medication you could take to help with the nerve issue?

----------


## Paula

I dont know. There are normally 2 main drugs they try, both of which I reacted badly to. So they tried furosemide, and now theyve put me on Bendroflumethiazide- both of which are diuretics. I dont think theres any other drugs they routinely try. Im not happy about upping the dose as Im already seriously dehydrated- yesterday it was so bad my contact lens stuck to my eyeball

----------


## Suzi

Ouch... There have to be other options, just ones you haven't had suggested to you yet.

----------


## Paula

https://www.iih.org.uk/index.php?opt...=article&id=41

----------

Suzi (26-08-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Keeping everything crossed that they can get it under control  :Panda:

----------


## Stella180

I got a call this morning from the hospital about the referral I had about my eye pressures from the optician months ago. I’m more than a little concerned cos I hate this sorta thing and twice I’ve been referred in just a few years. Scares the crap out of me with my fear of anything near my eyes. 

I think this is my way of saying I kinda get it. It’s hard not knowing how things are going to be fixed but I’m sure they will use whatever options are available to help you and you have to remain optimistic.

----------


## Suzi

OK, there are options. They don't sound pleasant, but there are options. Do you have faith in your neurologist?

----------


## Paula

Hes supposed to be the best but hes arrogant, as the best usually are. Si and I were talking about it (sis still pissed off about the letter from him) and I think we were spoilt with how lovely my pain consultant is

----------


## Suzi

I get that completely. My breast surgeon is adorable and has such an infectious laugh.... The other one - the one in charge is an a*sehole...

----------


## OldMike

Paual just been reading the article your link pointed to hope the can sort out some drug that reduces the pressure on the optic nerve as shunts seem very invasive though at least are an option  :Panda:

----------


## Paula

Youd all be proud of me. Despite it being only a few days since I saw the ophthalmologist, Ive emailed neurology to tell them to expect an email from Dr Rob (  :O: ) insisting I need to be seen soon - decided not to wait for them to get it through the admin system..

----------


## Suzi

That's brilliant. Well done love. I am proud.

----------

Paula (30-08-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Super proud

----------

Paula (30-08-21)

----------


## Stella180

Good job mate

----------

Paula (31-08-21)

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing today love?

----------


## Paula

Ok, off out for lunch with my best friend. Got a headache nagging, though

----------


## Suzi

Sorry about the headache.... Hope it lifts soon love. 

Enjoy lunch!

----------


## Paula

Headache decided to floor me so came home from lunch and went to bed.

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! I really hope it goes asap love. Any news from your neurologist?

----------


## Paula

Ooo yes, literally just had a call. Ive got an appointment on Friday!

----------


## Suzi

Wow, that's impressive!

----------


## Strugglingmum

That's great news Paula.  Hope you get some ease from your headache between now and then.

----------


## Paula

In laws are visiting tomorrow

----------


## Stella180

Is that a good thing?

----------


## Paula

I havent seen them since February 2020. My MIL and I have a delicate relationship but thats not whats worrying me. Im probably overthinking things but theyre coming up when Jess is at work, and they adore Jess so I dont understand why theyre not coming up when shes around. And Si gets a call from his mum yesterday telling us that FIL is struggling to eat so can we get soup for lunch.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds a little odd.... I assume you have a sense of foreboding? 

Good luck for today, hope that she behaves herself love.

----------


## Stella180

Oh, sounds a bit awkward.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope today is peaceful and enjoyable

----------


## Paula

> Hope today is peaceful and enjoyable


Thank you

----------


## Paula

So, I was overthinking it, they just wanted to see us - though even Si admitted his dad is looking very frail and very old  :(: . But we had a lovely time  :):

----------


## Suzi

So glad it went well and wasn't something bad... 
Hope you're resting now. How's the headache?

----------


## Paula

Better than yesterday but still there

----------


## Suzi

Glad it's better than yesterday, was hoping it had buggered off for you though x

----------


## Paula

*squeeeeeeeeeeeels* have you seen the news from ABBA????

----------


## Stella180

I have heard the news. A bit of a u-turn from them. They must need the money.

----------


## Paula

What? With Mamma Mia - stage and screen - doing phenomenally? I think they really just wanted to sing together again.

----------


## Stella180

But they said they’d never do it again. The tour is an interesting concept and I wonder how the now album will be received. Maybe they should’ve took the deal in 2000. It may be too late now. Anyway just for you…

----------


## Suzi

I think it looks fab! 

What time's your neurologist today?

----------


## Paula

It was at 9. Just got back. Dr would have expected some improvement in my pressure on the eyes so, given that we cant up my meds due to side effects, Im to have another lumbar puncture and, if that doesnt do the trick, maybe surgery

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, how are you feeling about those options? What surgery are they proposing?

----------


## Paula

Pretty crap. I dont know if you remember how ill lumbar punctures make me? and the surgery will be a shunt - but its really not what anyone wants to do as it can cause all sorts of other issues

----------


## Suzi

I remember how badly they affect you. I'm sorry love, I wish there was a magic quick fix..... What has Si said about it?

----------


## Paula

Today, hes been all about comforting me, so I have no idea how he really feels

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you have him to talk through everything with love. Lean on him love. Let him take care of you... 


(Also watch the new Cinderella movie that's out on Amazon today. It's awesome and I know you'll love it - besides it's got Billy Porter and Idina Menzel in it!)

----------

Paula (03-09-21)

----------


## Stella180

> (Also watch the new Cinderella movie that's out on Amazon today. It's awesome and I know you'll love it - besides it's got Billy Porter and Idina Menzel in it!)


Yes definitely watch it. Idina Menzel looks a bit like Sharon Osbourne these days lol. Camila Cabello was good as Cinders.

----------


## Suzi

So glad you saw it too Stella!

How are you today gorgeous?

----------


## Paula

Im ok. Been to see Sprite as Katies away this weekend, took Jess with me so we had a good chat. Spent 10 minutes in Sainsbury's so Im a little anxious now but am going to study which will help

----------


## Suzi

Are you resting?

----------


## Paula

I managed some study but my headache returned so, yes. I got Si to go back to Katies, and Ive been reading

----------


## Suzi

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry... Any idea on when the lumbar puncture will be?

----------


## Paula

No, because its being done at Southampton, my dr wasnt able to tell me how long it would be. Im really not looking forward to it.

----------


## Suzi

I know you won't be love. Hopefully though you'll be able to have Si with you more this time.

----------


## Stella180

It’s not a nice procedure but if it makes things better long term…I have everything crossed for you 1st officer

----------

Flo (05-09-21)

----------


## Paula

Thats the thing, though, LPs rarely work for the long term before pressure rises again. But Ive got to do this before any further stages can be considered.

----------


## Flo

LP's aren't nice are they? I feel for you. When I was in hospital I had a LP...the consultant came along with this Brazilian girl and asked me if it would be ok if this new - very young - Dr. did the procedure!! He was guiding her through the procedure until she managed to syringe some clear fluid!!! nothing like being a guinea pig is there!! Hope all goes well for you love...you could do with a break.xx :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

How are you feeling today love? Is Si going to be able to be with you?

----------


## Paula

For the LP? Unlikely, he wasnt last time

----------


## Suzi

Not for the actual procedure, but with you whilst you wait etc? Might be worth speaking to them when you get your appointment and asking?

----------


## Paula

Ill try but they wouldnt let him 9n the ward at all last time

----------


## Suzi

Call and tell them how anxious you are - and what a horrific time you had last time.

----------


## Paula

I will, though last time they just said dont worry, well sedate you.

----------


## Suzi

I know, but if that's what you get, speak to PALS?

----------


## Paula

Very anxious today

----------


## Stella180

Any specific reason or is your head just being an arse?

----------


## Paula

Money and lumbar puncture

----------


## Stella180

Understandable. Sounds like a bit of mindfulness and some grounding exercises are needed. What is your usual go to in times of trouble that help?

----------


## Suzi

Do you have a date for the LP yet? Are you talking to Si about how anxious you are feeling?

----------


## OldMike

Waiting for another LP sounds scary hope it goes well Paula  :(bear):   :Panda:

----------


## Paula

> Do you have a date for the LP yet? Are you talking to Si about how anxious you are feeling?


No date yet, the neurologist didnt know how busy they were.. I spoke to Si this morning who told me I didnt need to worry about money, but I was allowed to worry about the LP. Thing is, I dont want to add pressure on him about the job situation




> Understandable. Sounds like a bit of mindfulness and some grounding exercises are needed. What is your usual go to in times of trouble that help?


Meditation - though I tried earlier and fell asleep :/

----------


## Suzi

Talking to him is not putting added pressure on him! Let him take some of your worry. It's important. Right now you need to focus on you and getting you to the LP. However I was really glad to see that Southampton have stated that all staff have to be vaccinated to work with patients!

----------


## Paula

So was I!

----------

Suzi (07-09-21)

----------


## Paula

So, I was struggling last night - a heady mix of irritability and tears. I hate this

----------


## Allalone

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Is this anxiety driven? Pain? 

How are you today? Do you have anything nice/self care based for you today?

----------


## Paula

Yep, anxiety is a bitch!

Im going out to a social with my housegroup tonight

----------


## Suzi

Out out? OOO get you! Are you pacing today?

----------


## Paula

Yeah ish, I had a work catch up this morning and am doing my nails whilst the cleaner does her thing  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Please try to pace this afternoon lovely.. What's on your agenda for tomorrow?

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

----------


## Paula

> please try to pace this afternoon lovely.. What's on your agenda for tomorrow?


lucifer!!!!!!

----------


## Stella180

Sounds perfect.

----------


## Jaquaia

Never seen it. I feel like I should, plus Tom Ellis is very easy on the eye!

----------


## Paula

You should, its awesome!

----------


## Stella180

Tom Ellis awesome as Lucifer. You totally have to watch it.

----------


## Suzi

Lucifer is awesome! I loved it.

----------


## Paula

Ive been to a housegroup social tonight. There were 4 newbies who I didnt know. I was very anxious, and I know I really wasnt in the frame of mind to cope with it. I wish Id cancelled, Ill pay tomorrow

----------


## Jaquaia

Rest day?

----------


## Paula

Yeh..

----------


## Jaquaia

Good girl *patronising pat on head*  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Did you enjoy it when you got there? 

How are you this morning?

----------


## Paula

> Did you enjoy it when you got there? 
> 
> How are you this morning?


I didnt hate it but I did clock watch. Im ok, not done much this morning so far




> Good girl *patronising pat on head*


Thank you, I think  :O:

----------


## Suzi

So, today can you be kind to you and rest today?

----------


## Paula

No choice, my body is saying no,today

----------


## Suzi

I sympathise, mine's about similar.

----------


## Stella180

Must be something in the air cos my body and mind are saying no today too

----------


## Paula

Ive had the copy letter to my GP from the neurologist. Turns out its not just the swelling of the optic nerves thats worrying him, there is now thinning (left eye) and thickening (right eye) of the retinal nerve fibre layer and uneven pupil sizes. All in all theres worsening visual field defects.

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, not what anyone wants to hear. Is there a game plan for those issues too?

----------


## Paula

The game plan is have the LP, repeat the scans 4 weeks later, then talk about surgery. Reducing the pressure is the only way to reverse any damage

----------


## Suzi

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you x

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

----------


## Jaquaia

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Hope you're pacing and being kind to you today.

----------


## Paula

I was hoping to do some study but Ive woken up with a headache, so Ill have to wait and see how I feel

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:  hope you get some relief

----------


## Suzi

How are you love, have you rested?

----------


## Paula

I did some study, read a book for a while and watched the tennis. So not resting exactly but definitely relaxing  :):

----------


## Allalone

It’s good that you relaxed. Did you enjoy the tennis?

----------


## Paula

It was fantastic! They are both such incredible talents  :):

----------


## Suzi

Glad you did relaxing. What's on the agenda today?

----------


## Paula

Not sure. I was late to bed and early to rise so am shattered.

----------


## Suzi

Are you resting love?

----------


## Paula

I studied, then watched tv. Does that count?  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Do you feel rested and relaxed a bit?

----------


## Paula

I feel more accepting, itms?

----------


## Suzi

Makes lots of sense to me. It's not easy to accept..

----------


## Paula

Someone from my church has had surgery for IIH. I got this from her this morning:

I had surgery 5 years ago. I had Mr Mathad in Southampton. He said he was going to do a lumbar shunt, but ended up doing a VP shunt. It was tough going, but after having it on 12th July, I was actually back at work on the 1st September of that year. It did take the pressure down drastically which can take the body a bit by surprise and I did end up back at the hospital for a couple of nights, but it soon settled down and I have had very few headaches since then.

----------


## Stella180

So short version, not the nicest procedure, but worth it in the long run.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds hopeful.... Are you seeing the same consultant? Can you talk to yours about this different shunt?

----------


## Paula

No idea who Id see, but Ill worry about all that once Ive had 5e LP and a decision has been made

----------


## Suzi

Sensible plan.... Any date yet?

----------


## Paula

No, but Ive got a date for the follow up.

----------


## Suzi

When's that?

----------


## Paula

6 October

----------


## Suzi

Then you know that it'll have to be before that... 
How are you doing today?

----------


## Paula

Im ok. Im off to see my best friend this afternoon. A friend of hers, and her husband, died with covid last week (not jabbed) and my mate is very upset.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Really feel for your friend. 
Hope you enjoyed some time together.

----------


## Suzi

So sorry lovely, hope that you had some good time together today.

----------


## Paula

We did, I think she needed it

----------


## Suzi

I hope you got something from it too love...

----------


## Paula

Always  :):

----------


## Suzi

Good. Do you have any plans for the rest of the week?

----------


## Paula

As I ditched my CPAP in the night cos it was obviously irritating me, Im shattered so itll be a quiet day or cross stitch I think. Particularly as Ive got a busy day tomorrow - a catch up meeting re my voluntary job, and a webinar by NHS Every Mind Matters for the upcoming World Mental Health Day

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you're pacing love, that's really important. Sorry that you had issues with your CPAP last night...

----------


## Paula

Todays been a Teams and Zoom day - webinar this morning on what the NHS wants the hospitals to focus on for World Mental Health Day (sorry Suzi, I cant spill as its confidential pfffffffttt), then a meeting with my boss to plan how were going to implement it. My brain is fried!

----------


## Suzi

Sounds really exciting and a wonderful project!

----------


## Paula

Just spoken to Southampton hospital. The person I spoke to didnt have access to waiting times but theyve got my referral and its marked as urgent. Which I know is a good thing but has sent me into a bit of a panic itms?

----------


## Stella180

Yeah I get it.

----------


## Suzi

I can understand that, but hunni they are going to be extra careful with you. You have the "medically interesting and complex" label that I have too....

----------

Paula (20-09-21)

----------


## Paula

And there was me thinking it was the medically a pain in the ass  :O:

----------


## Suzi

I've got "medically f*cking difficult and cries a lot" on mine  :O:

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

I don’t think either of you are difficult or a pita. You’re both lovely people who I am proud to call my friends.

----------

Paula (20-09-21)

----------


## Suzi

Awww, Love you!

----------


## Paula

Im so disappointed  :(: . I was supposed to be visiting the IOW with the curate from my church to join mums church for a womens day. But theyve had a covid cluster and are having to cancel.. ah well, better safe than sorry, and they will rebook it at some point

In other news, Si had a 3rd interview today. He thinks it went well, though weve learnt not to get our hopes up

----------


## Stella180

I 3rd interview!? By the time they get to the final applicant he’s have put in a 40 week lol

----------


## Suzi

Oh I'm sorry about the IOW lovely.... 

Well done Si! When will he hear?

----------


## Paula

Soon, he thinks. He saw the VP Finance today, the CEO is next

----------


## Suzi

Wow, not exactly easy or straight forward..... He must be exhausted.....

----------


## Paula

Actually, he enjoys having interviews - he says its an hour of talking about his favourite subject, him  :O:

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):  That's the best answer I've ever heard! He's hilarious!

How are you today love?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sorry about IOW. Hopefully not too long til you can rebook. 
Hope Si hears soon, he's awesome. I wish I had some of his confidence.....mind you I have yet to even make it to interview stage!!

----------


## Paula

He is a bit of a clown  :(giggle):  - sometimes it means he doesnt take things seriously but, as I do to the extreme sometimes, we balance each other  :O:

----------


## Paula

Lumbar puncture is on Monday

----------


## Stella180

Ok, does that give you enough time to prepare? Get your head around it is all?

----------


## Paula

Nope and nope. But got to be done

----------


## Suzi

Thing is balancing each other out is what partnership is all about. 

OK, Monday... Can Si go with you?

----------


## Paula

He can come to the ward doors, then Im on my own

----------


## Stella180

That really sucks

----------


## Paula

Is what it is

----------


## Stella180

Still sucks

----------


## Suzi

Have you explained your anxiety to them? I wish I could make it better for you...

----------


## Paula

Nothing they can do, Ive just got to suck it up

----------


## Suzi

I wouldn't phrase it like that, but I understand where you're coming from. Know that we'll all be with you in spirit too.. Get practising mindfulness and some grounding techniques hunni, as naff as it sounds they will help.

----------

Paula (22-09-21)

----------


## Paula

Ive been doing more mindfulness and meditation since I found out Ill have to have the LP, so hopefully itll stick when it counts. Its not naff, lovely.

----------


## Suzi

No, it's changed my life (which also sounds naff) but it just sounds crap saying it, esp when you're facing such a horrible fear...

----------


## Stella180

Can Si not be there via FaceTime? Just thinking that might be an alternative and help to keep you calm.

----------


## Paula

Im going to be there most of the day and, during the actual procedure, Ill be contorted into all sorts of positions so its not really practical

----------


## Suzi

During the procedure I can't help with, but can be on text whilst you are waiting if it helps?

----------

Paula (23-09-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

I'm glad you have a date to get it over and done with. Do you need to isolate before it?

----------


## Paula

I did last time but I dont think so, Im waiting for the paperwork to come through but she didnt mention it on the phone.

----------


## Paula

Ah, yes, Im self isolating from tomorrow. Sofa bed it is then..

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! So sorry love....

----------


## Paula

I keep this in my handbag - and needed it today..




dungeons and coin

----------

Jaquaia (27-09-21),Stella180 (26-09-21)

----------


## Stella180

that is so cool. Your folks are awesome.

----------


## Paula

Yeah they are :):

----------


## Suzi

That's so amazing! They are fabulous x

----------

Paula (26-09-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

How are you doing? Did your LP go ahead? 
Hope your head isn't too bad.  :Panda:

----------

Paula (01-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

Sorry guys! I was in a lecture when I had the message that Paula is all home safely. She's currently lying flat on her back trying to relearn Spanish.....

----------

Paula (01-10-21)

----------


## Allalone

Sending love and hugs. :Panda:

----------

Paula (01-10-21),Suzi (28-09-21)

----------


## Paula

Hi guys! Just popping in to update. The LP went ahead but, weirdly, my pressure was normal. So I see the consultant on Tuesday to figure out whats going on with my eyes - and theyre letting Si come in with me.

Its been a rough week, Ive been in a lot of pain with my whole spine on fire, as well as the headache and dizziness. But its easing, and Ive actually been able to sit upright this morning for a couple of hours - so nice not to be staring at the ceiling.

And Im loving relearning Spanish, which is a positive right there!

----------


## Suzi

So glad Si's coming in with you! 
Really glad you've managed to sit up for a bit, hate that it's been so horrible for you though...

----------

Paula (01-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

I thought I’d leave you alone after the LP and sounds like you’ve had a really rough time of it with the side effects. I hope it all eases again soon. 

I’ve never learned Spanish but been tempted. I’m not great with languages, I’ve still not mastered English after 45 yrs, but I have heard that it’s easier than French and German so maybe someday I’ll get brave and give it a go.

----------

Paula (01-10-21)

----------


## Allalone

Good to see you back!

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a rough week. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

I’ve never learnt Spanish. The only other language I learnt was GCSE French and that was a long time ago!

----------

Paula (02-10-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Lovely to hear from you. 
Sorry this week has been so rough. Sending love :Panda:

----------

Paula (02-10-21)

----------


## Paula

Day by day the pain is easing a bit more  :): . I may try doing some cross stitch later. Si and the girls are going down to the in laws this afternoon - I couldnt face sitting in the car for 3 hours so Im being allowed to be left alone for the afternoon. Then. Of course, its strictly!!

----------


## Suzi

Are you sitting or still flat on your back most of the time? Hooray for Strictly! 

Are you safe to be left alone?

----------


## Paula

About half and half sitting/lying down. Im safe, or at least as safe as my normal level of klutziness allows  :O:

----------


## Strugglingmum

Glad things have improved a bit for you. An afternoon of music and crossstitch sounds good :O:

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

So Katie got a new kitten (Mango) yesterday. Sprite was hissing and growling. Today, I went over there and this happened

----------

Stella180 (03-10-21),Suzi (03-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

Awwwww!

You went out? How did you feel? You took it easy, I hope?

----------


## Paula

I was ok, it was nice to see another 4 walls, got a massive headache now though

----------


## Allalone

Sending hugs. :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Too much being upright? Hope it's gone or at least lessened....

----------


## Stella180

Awww thats so cute. I cant get over how big Sprite is compared to his new sister. They grow so fast. I hope your not over doing it which the visits. Its barely a week since your procedure and you know perfectly well the side effects can last a couple of weeks. I also know your stubborn and determined wench who refuses to let anything stand in her way, its part of what I love about you  :O:  but please dont push too far and set yourself back. We all want you back fit and well soon so rest rest and more rest for now please.

----------


## Paula

I think it was the driving. Even though its only a 10 minute journey, the concentration got me. Yes, Im resting today  :O:

----------


## Strugglingmum

Super cute!!

Hope the headache has eased love.

----------


## Suzi

How's the head? What are you doing that classifies as "resting" today?

----------


## Paula

Cross stitch and Spanish learning. I know theyre not exactly lying down doing nothing but theyre things I enjoy so hopefully its classed as resting

----------


## Stella180

just make sure you listen to your body.

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad that you're resting love. I'm proud of you x

----------


## Paula

My brother has covid. He tested positive this morning. He reckons he picked it up at a staff party on Thursday. Jess saw him briefly on Friday but she and I have tested negative today. My main worry is my sister in law - she has MS..

----------


## Stella180

I presume she’s double jabbed

----------


## Jaquaia

I assume she's double jabbed? Hopefully that will give her some protection.

----------


## Paula

They both are

----------


## Jaquaia

Fingers crossed it's very mild for your brother then and your sister-in-law escapes it. I know it's different but my dad never caught it despite my mum having it.

----------


## Suzi

I really hope it's a mild case.. Massive hugs love, you must be so worried  :Panda:   :(bear):

----------


## Paula

Just seen neurologist. All the swelling and symptoms have reduced, so the LP has done the job. So, for now, surgery is off the table yay!! He said that some people have a lower tolerance for pressure so, while 20 might be considered normal, for me it might be too high. So, just monitoring for now and see how things go 

Im very tired, ridiculously so lol

----------


## Suzi

YAY! That's really good news! So pleased for you! REST now please!

----------


## Strugglingmum

So pleased for good news.
Lots of rest. I'm sure you have a stress hangover.  X

----------


## Stella180

You know best treatment for tiredness right?

----------


## Paula

Sleep.

Apparently my brother is really feeling rough - however, hes a bit of a lightweight when it comes to his health so the fact hes still able to tell everyone on social media how bad hes feeling fills me with hope..

----------


## Allalone

That’s good news. Plenty of rest and sleep needed now.
Take care.

Hope your brothers feeling better soon.

----------


## Suzi

As long as he's still able to tell people how he's feeling lol....

----------


## Paula

My SIL remains negative! Phew  :):

----------

Allalone (06-10-21),Stella180 (06-10-21),Strugglingmum (06-10-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

That's good. X
How are you doing?

----------


## Suzi

That's great news.... 


As SM asks... How are you love?

----------


## Paula

Well, Ive been to the Thanksgiving service this afternoon for the family friend who died a few weeks ago. The funeral service was at the crematorium, family only, and this service was at the Community Church she attended for 50 years. There was some singing but mainly people getting up to talk about their memories of her. Really lovely but really hard at the same time itms? Also, I realise Im not ready to go back to the physical church services as the sheer number of people, the noise, plus the fact so many people were hugging each other made me very anxious.

So, especially after my hospital appointment yesterday, Im out of spoons. I was supposed to be going to housegroup tonight but just dont have it in me

----------


## Suzi

I'm not surprised you are out of spoons. You've had a difficult couple of weeks. 
The service sounds lovely, but absolutely emotional and really hard. 
I totally understand about the number of people etc

Can you rest today and pace tomorrow?

----------


## Stella180

> I realise I’m not ready to go back to the physical church services as the sheer number of people, the noise, plus *the fact so many people were hugging each other made me very anxious.*


Welcome to my world lol

----------


## Paula

I thought youd like that Stella  :O: 

Tomorrow, I have to take Si to the train station for his trip to London for an interview, have a zoom meeting (weekly catch up with work) and bible study with my curate. So not so much resting. But Fridays free ..

----------


## Suzi

Can you pace and rest between things?

----------


## Paula

Ill try to

----------


## Suzi

Good!

----------


## Paula

My SIL has covid

----------


## Stella180

Oh dear. Hopefully not too severe.

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, I'm sorry. How's she feeling?

----------


## Paula

Shes achy and tired - shes been taking lateral flow tests daily so definitely early days.

In other news, Im really angry. Katie took the new kitten, Mango, to the vets, who confirmed what we thought - hes only 7 weeks old, which means when she adopted him, he was only 6 weeks, not 10 weeks as the breeder claimed. Far too young to be taken away from mum  :@: . Thankfully other than probable tummy parasites, hes healthy

----------


## Strugglingmum

Poor wee thing, we keep our kittens for 12 weeks before rehoming as they are only starting to lose some their natural hide instinct then and brave the big bad world..... ie the kitchen and Katie

Sorry about SIL, hope it's a mild dose for her.

----------


## Suzi

Aww poor baby! Glad that he's ended up with a couple as lovely as Katie + Dom.

----------


## Paula

Poor baby indeed, especially as his big brother is not the gentlest - its not aggressive, he just wants to play but, at 4kg (and only 6 months old.), Mango isnt quite ready for that sort of play from Sprite. Mind you, hes a feisty baby so, once he gets a big bigger, Im sure hell hold his own  :O:

----------


## Suzi

I'm sure he will! They sound (and look) adorable! Are they going to be indoor only cats?

----------


## Paula

Yes, definitely

----------


## Suzi

Awwww  :):

----------


## Paula

Sis been offered a job!!!  :(party):

----------

Stella180 (11-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

Well done Si! Is it one he wants?

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Congrats Si!

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

That’s great news. A huge relief for you I’m sure. Where will he be working? I would ask what he’ll be doing but I know that’s not something you tend to know much about lol

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Paula

> Well done Si! Is it one he wants?


Yes, thankfully! And wfh 3 days a week, yay!




> Thats great news. A huge relief for you Im sure. Where will he be working? I would ask what hell be doing but I know thats not something you tend to know much about lol


Cheek! But fair. Hes setting up a pricing department, which is what he did at Hive. Thats as much as I know lol. Its a company in Oxford who do something with electronics, phones and stuff (I think.)




> Congrats Si!


Thanks

----------


## Suzi

So 3 days in work and 4 at home with you?

----------


## Paula

Sorry, no, working from home 3 days, 2 days in office

----------


## Suzi

OO That's better isn't it? What's the commute like?

----------


## Paula

Hes going to visit the offices to find out, but hes used to commuting

----------

Suzi (11-10-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

That's great news Paula. Well done Si.

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Paula

So, this evening I joined my local choir. It was much smaller than Rock Choir (30, rather than 150j so much easier to cope with. Had a great time, knackered now lol

----------

Stella180 (11-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

Cool, I can’t sing for toffee. I once sang in the shower and someone called the RSPCA.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Glad you enjoyed it. Sounds good fun. Xx

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Paula

> Cool, I cant sing for toffee. I once sang in the shower and someone called the RSPCA.


 :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

> So, this evening I joined my local choir. It was much smaller than Rock Choir (30, rather than 150j so much easier to cope with. Had a great time, knackered now lol


This makes me so happy! I'm so pleased for you! 
Sounds like a god day in the household of Paula!  :):

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

A very good day for mr and mrs Paula. You must be buzzing.

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Allalone

Fab news about the job and I’m pleased you enjoyed choir! Great day all round!!

----------

Paula (11-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

Hey you, how's your headaches? How are you? Your moods?

----------


## Paula

No headaches for 3 days now! Im ok, its been a trying few weeks but so far, this week has been a LOT better  :):

----------

Strugglingmum (12-10-21),Suzi (12-10-21)

----------


## Paula

Looooook what my beautiful friend, Karen, made for me and gave me today! The Pearl is the one I harvested for myself on my visit to the Isle of Wight  :):

----------

OldMike (16-10-21),Stella180 (12-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

LOVING the no headaches for 3 days and Oh wow that bracelet is stunning!!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Beautiful Paula

----------


## Paula

She is very talented  :):

----------


## Suzi

She really is!

----------


## Paula

Today Im taking a break from revising for my exam, and pruning the honeysuckle. Its like a triffid this year so wish me luck  :S:

----------


## Suzi

I love honeysuckle! Good luck! Don't forget to pace! 
When is your next exam? What's it on?

----------


## Paula

Ive finished pruning, and am resting before going back out to get it all in the garden sacks .

I can do the exam when I want, as long as its within 6 months of starting the unit. Its on Pauls Letters to the Romans

----------

Suzi (15-10-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Our cosmos has been like that, still loads of flowers on it too

----------


## Strugglingmum

I did some branch pruning yesterday....was very therapeutic!!
I know you're being sensible and pacing....aren't you?

----------


## OldMike

Pruning is very therapeutic, honeysuckle soon gets out of hand I know mine looks a bit untidy at the moment.

----------


## Paula

> I did some branch pruning yesterday....was very therapeutic!!
> I know you're being sensible and pacing....aren't you?


Ermmmmm well I left the last couple of sacks of rubbish for Si to do as my hand was hurting. Came in and did 3 revision papers..

----------


## Suzi

So much for pacing..... Are you planning a pacing w/e?

----------


## Paula

Im going to do my exam tomorrow and then theres getting down to Katies Christmas present - its a cross stitch of sprite and I havent really left myself a lot of time (damn lumbar puncture)

----------


## Paula

After doing revision papers all morning, Im now going to do the actual exam imminently. And breathe.

----------


## Stella180

You’ve got this.

----------


## Strugglingmum

We know you're going to ace it. 
Well done in getting it done. Good luck. X

----------


## Suzi

Hope the exam questions were kind to you! 
That sounds like such a lovely present for Katie, something to be treasured!

----------


## Paula

The questions must have been kind, I got 97%!

----------


## Jaquaia

Nah. You obviously learnt your stuff! You're awesome!

----------

Paula (17-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo!! You worked hard, you know your stuff and so you deserve that! Well done love!

----------

Paula (17-10-21)

----------


## Paula

Thank you  :(blush):

----------


## Allalone

Well done!

----------

Paula (17-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

Paula, you always work hard on your studies and that reflects in your results every time.

You. Are. Awesome.

----------

Paula (18-10-21)

----------


## Paula

Got up to an email confirming Ive now completed level 2! Just level 3 to go now  :):

----------

OldMike (18-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

Cool. What does having level 3 mean?

----------


## Suzi

Well done love!

----------

Paula (18-10-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Well done. You're awesome!!

----------

Paula (18-10-21)

----------


## Paula

> Cool. What does having level 3 mean?


It means I have to look for something else to study from home  :O:

----------

Suzi (18-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

Thoughts on what to do next?

----------


## Paula

Not a clue. But level 3 will take 12-18 months so Ive got time  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Perfect!

----------


## Paula

So last night was interesting/embarrassing. I went to Housegroup and told everyone about Sis job and not needing surgery. While we were praying, I started crying and couldnt stop..

----------


## Suzi

Why is that embarrassing? You've had so much stress I'm not surprised that there has been a sudden release....

----------

Flo (21-10-21),Paula (21-10-21)

----------


## Allalone

Don’t be embarrassed, you must’ve needed to get it out.

----------

Flo (21-10-21),Paula (21-10-21)

----------


## Paula

Ive spent so long saying itll be fine ..

----------

Flo (21-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

And now it is.

----------

Flo (21-10-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Obviously a pressure valve needed released. 
Lordy I think I cry every time I cross our church doors at the moment.  Maybe its laying the burden down. Xx

----------

Flo (21-10-21)

----------


## Flo

> So last night was interesting/embarrassing. I went to Housegroup and told everyone about Si’s job and not needing surgery. While we were praying, I started crying and couldn’t stop…..


Nothing wrong with that Paula...it's called 'handing it over and letting it go' in AA. When I know that a particular day is going to be tough I hand my day and my life over to my Higher power...it takes such a weight off my shoulders. I feel that crying is cleansing and not to be ashamed of at all..it's such a relief.

----------

Paula (21-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

> Nothing wrong with that Paula...it's called 'handing it over and letting it go' in AA. When I know that a particular day is going to be tough I hand my day and my life over to my Higher power...it takes such a weight off my shoulders. I feel that crying is cleansing and not to be ashamed of at all..it's such a relief.


This exactly. I think I've done that a few times too, where actually the relief just means that everything else can just release... Be kind to you love.

----------

Flo (22-10-21),Paula (22-10-21)

----------


## Paula

Ive had a lovely day with Katie - went to an antiques centre, she had dinner with us then we watched strictly. Its been loving spending time with someone who likes the same things I do - Si and Jess dont.

Im sore and knackered but it was worth it!

----------

Allalone (23-10-21)

----------


## Stella180

Glad you had a fab day.

----------


## Suzi

I LOVE your post! I totally understand that!

----------


## Paula

Ive just became of member of this organisation. As a disabled member, I have Access membership (which has just gone live) which includes discounts and additional help to access theatres across the Country. If youre interested, details are here

https://www.atgtickets.com/access/access-scheme/

----------

Stella180 (30-10-21)

----------


## Paula

So, Si starts his new job on Wednesday! Almost exactly 11 months since he left Hive!

----------

Stella180 (30-10-21)

----------


## Suzi

ATG tickets are brilliant actually. We're lucky enough to have a few around us. We've actually just book spur of the moment to go to Wimbledon on Tuesday to see Heathers!

----------


## Stella180

> I’ve just became of member of this organisation. As a disabled member, I have Access membership (which has just gone live) which includes discounts and additional help to access theatres across the Country. If you’re interested, details are here
> 
> https://www.atgtickets.com/access/access-scheme/


That’s cool. I have this one https://www.accesscard.org.uk/

----------


## Paula

Woke up to water everywhere and, literally, not a drop to drink

----------


## Allalone

OMG! What has happened??

----------


## Paula

We think theres a burst pipe, waters flowing all the way through the house. Thankfully we have a British Gas cover for everything

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! That's a horrendous start to the day. Is much ruined?

----------


## Allalone

Oh no! Can you still live in the house? 
Sending huge hugs. :(bear):  :Panda:

----------


## Paula

Were fine, when BG get here Sis going out for bottled water. As for any damage, which it seems weve got away with minimal damage, thats what insurance is for  :O:

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oh my goodness!!! What a stressful ... and damp... start to the week. !! Sending hugs!!

----------


## Suzi

So surprised as to how laid back you are about it!

----------


## Paula

Tbh Sis going back to work on Wednesday - almost nothing will faze me atm  :):

----------


## Stella180

You are dealing with this quite well. I’m have had a complete meltdown if in your situation.

----------


## Suzi

> Tbh Si’s going back to work on Wednesday - almost nothing will faze me atm


How are you feeling about him going back? How's he feeling about it?

----------


## Paula

Relieved mainly

----------


## Suzi

That he's getting out from under your feet or relief of financial concern?

----------


## Paula

Finances. We actually rarely struggle with spending lots of time together

----------


## Paula

BG are here, and its a tap gone that they fitted a few months ago! Which should mean they do all the remedial work

----------


## Stella180

That solves all the hassle

----------


## Suzi

> Finances. We actually rarely struggle with spending lots of time together


Makes sense. Marc and I don't struggle being together nearly all the time either.. 




> BG are here, and it’s a tap gone that they fitted a few months ago! Which should mean they do all the remedial work


YAY! Glad that they are going to fix it....

----------


## Paula

Eurgh, Ive been on hold for 30 MINUTES! Do I give up and try later?

----------


## Stella180

If you give up now it’s a wasted 30 mins

----------


## Suzi

Did you get through?

----------


## Paula

No, Ill try later

----------


## Suzi

How has Si's first day been?

----------


## Paula

Hes just got in, but good I think from what hes briefly said. Hes knackered mind you, lol, but hell get used to it. However, when hes in the office hes got to get from Basingstoke to Oxford by 7.30. Not an issue when hes working from home 60% of the time, but to start with hes going to be in the office almost all the time.

----------


## Stella180

7.30 is an early start.

----------


## Suzi

> Hes just got in, but good I think from what hes briefly said. Hes knackered mind you, lol, but hell get used to it. However, when hes in the office hes got to get from Basingstoke to Oxford by 7.30. Not an issue when hes working from home 60% of the time, but to start with hes going to be in the office almost all the time.


To be in Oxford for 730? Wow... What time train does that mean he needs? 
How did you find your first day with him not there for a while?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Bless him.... that's early!! Bet he cant wait to work from home!!

----------


## Paula

> To be in Oxford for 730? Wow... What time train does that mean he needs? 
> How did you find your first day with him not there for a while?


Hes driving.

It was ok - I kept myself busy cleaning as I hosted Housegroup for the first time  :O:

----------


## Stella180

How was housegroup?

----------


## Paula

Great, Im exhausted now lol. Im such a cheap date

----------


## Stella180

The blood of Christ been flowing?

----------


## Suzi

So glad you had a good time. 

Driving? Wow, that doesn't sound fun, but more fun than the train lol

----------


## Paula

> The blood of Christ been flowing?


Sorry, wrong denomination. I dont belief that red wine changes to blood just because some fancy words are said over it

----------


## Stella180

I was just making a joke. Sorry  :=(:

----------


## Paula

I know, but I also know that youd much rather know if something isnt right itms?

----------


## Paula

Had my covid booster today. I had to go on my own as obviously Si was at work. It was a different location to where I had my last lot, and a part of my town I dont know so well. So, Im currently coping with an anxiety hangover and aching from the vaccine.

----------


## Suzi

Aww lovely! Are you pacing and being kind to you?

----------


## Paula

Yeah, Ill be fine. Come what may I am not being ill  this weekend - Im out with katie tomorrow, and its Sis birthday Sunday

----------


## Suzi

Good for you! 
Monday as a pacing/recovery day? 
Where are you going with Katie?

----------


## Paula

To an antiques centre we havent been to before  :):

----------


## Stella180

Sounds like a lovely afternoon ahead. Have fun.

----------


## Suzi

Hope you guys have a wonderful time today.

----------


## Paula

The last couple of days have been odd. Im tense and on edge, and I have no idea why.

----------


## Suzi

Are you expecting something? Could it be delayed reaction to Si starting his job?

----------


## Paula

Maybe, Im definitely missing him

----------


## Strugglingmum

It's a huge change for you both. Xx  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

SM's not wrong. It's a huge adjustment and it wasn't long ago you had your LP where you needed him physically too. You have to have some complex feelings about him going back. It sounds like it's a longer day away than he was doing previously too... Give yourself time, have you told him how you are feeling? Can you try to be kind to you whilst it settles?

----------


## Paula

He knows, he always knows. It will be easier when hes working from home more.

As for being kind to me.. Im getting another tattoo this morning!

----------

Suzi (10-11-21)

----------


## Paula



----------

Jaquaia (11-11-21)

----------


## Stella180

That’s actually bigger than I expected.

----------


## Suzi

Love it!

----------


## Jaquaia

Love that!!! It's making me want another one!!!

----------

Paula (11-11-21)

----------


## Paula

I know Ive said it before but I think its my last one. Its the one Ive always wanted to have the guts to do as I know itll spark questions. I got there eventually - all down to Katie who said, as she was going, it was time to do this and with her there would help. She was right

----------


## Stella180

I love that you are Katie have such a close bond. I’m actually a little envious.

----------


## Suzi

I think that makes it even more special!

----------


## Paula

So, I was supposed to be at a party tonight. Si is there, but Im at home having been sick several times this evening. Dont know if its a bug, or anxiety, or both..

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, I'm so sorry.... Are you resting? Hydrating?

----------


## Stella180

Oh no! That really sucks. I hope you are getting puppy cuddles and managed your weekly strictly fix.

----------


## Paula

Yes and yes. Definitely a bug, other symptoms have surfaced

----------


## Suzi

Oh no love! Hope it leaves you really soon.

----------


## Stella180

Hope it passes soon.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oh no love. 
Sending hugs and water and a bowl and tp. 
Hope it passes soon.

----------


## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you doing today? Did you get any sleep?

----------


## Paula

> Hope it passes soon.


Not yet, but a lot has..

I think Im over the worst of it but my tummy is very tender. I did sleep eventually,  but Im still tired so Ive spent the day in bed - very grateful for my en suite right now

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, I'm so sorry you're feeling so crap...  :(bear):   :(bear):   :(bear):

----------


## Jaquaia

How are you feeling today?

----------


## Stella180

Is the clearance sale over yet?

----------


## Suzi

Clearance sale?

----------


## Stella180

Yeah, everything must go lol

----------


## Paula

Nope clearance sale has had an unexpected extra day added. This is not pleasant

----------


## Stella180

I don’t envy you at all but I can absolutely sympathise. Upset tummy is not fun.

----------


## Suzi

Oh love, I'm sorry that you're still feeling rubbish...  Are you hydrating enough?

----------


## Paula

Im trying to. Ive had a slice of toast but not sure that was wise. Its been 48 hours and I still feel like crap. And now panicking that it might screw up my lithium and make it toxic.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oh Paula, hope you can keep the fluids down to keep you flushed through

----------


## Suzi

Do you have to have a blood test soon to check?

----------


## Paula

> Do you have to have a blood test soon to check?


As soon as I get eating properly again, it should be ok. On that note, Im trying another slice of toast as I think Im over the worst. Just very, very tired. Silver lining and all that - Ive lost half a stone!

----------


## Stella180

Half a stone! That’s a bit drastic in a couple of days.

----------


## Paula

I know!

----------


## Suzi

Wow, oh lovely! That's a nasty bug... Are you pacing today?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hoping things settle for you soon. Xx

----------


## Paula

Im alternating between tv in bed and sleep..

----------


## Stella180

At least you’re getting your money’s worth out of the en suite

----------


## Suzi

Are you feeling any brighter?

----------


## Paula

Im not throwing up or anything anymore, and have managed to hold down a few mouthfuls of boiled rice. So yes, but Im very weak, even getting out of bed takes a huge effort

----------


## Stella180

No wonder you’re weak when you’re body has been purging fuel for 3 days. It’ll take a bit of time to build up your strength again.

----------


## Suzi

Stella's right. Your body has been through some horrible bug. Be kind to you, work on being able to build up your strength lovely.

----------


## Paula

Yeah, yeah. Trouble is, I know I should be eating but Icant face it. Ive had a banana today

----------


## Stella180

Thats a start. Little and often.

----------


## Suzi

Hunni, try and eat a little more....

----------


## Stella180

How are you this morning?

----------


## Suzi

Morning gorgeous. Feeling any brighter?

----------


## Paula

In my head, yes. In my body,  not so much. Im so weak and still struggling to eat. Ive lost 9lbs!

----------


## Jaquaia

Would soup help?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oh love that's not great at all. Is there anything you feel would stimulate your tastebuds??
Normally once you can start eating again your appetite will return.

----------


## Stella180

Could you not try meal replacement shakes to at least get some nutrients into your body and help your recovery?

----------


## Paula

Soup? Unfortunately I hate soup, same for those shakes. But, I have found I can eat rice cakes with jam. Dont know why but Ive had 3 and theyre not protesting

----------


## Suzi

YAY for rice cakes and jam... Hope you work out you can eat other stuff too. Baked potato?

----------


## Paula

Ive asked Si to get some bread - all of a sudden I fancy jam buttys

----------

Stella180 (18-11-21)

----------


## Stella180

Yummy. Used to love that as a kid

----------


## Suzi

Marc's always said that when you crave something it's because your body needs it - so carbohydrates and sugar. Makes perfect sense.

----------


## Paula

I even had a packet of crisps - salt.

Ive slept a lot this evening. Now, of course, Im wide awake

----------


## Stella180

Oh that’s typical. My sleep patterns a little out of sync too which isn’t ideal when I’ve got a long journey ahead of me tomorrow. Hoping my meds kick soon and knock me out.

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing today lovely?

----------


## Paula

Im getting there - eating more. But Im still very weak and wobbly on my feet

----------


## Stella180

You’re always wobbly on your feet lol

----------


## Suzi

Glad you're feeling even a tiny bit better lovely.

----------


## Paula

I actually spoke too soon last night. I was in agony all night with tummy ache. This morning is easier but Im still not great - almost like I have aftershocks itms

----------


## Jaquaia

You'll be resting then!!!

----------


## Stella180

> I actually spoke too soon last night. I was in agony all night with tummy ache. This morning is easier but I’m still not great - almost like I have aftershocks itms


 Welcome to my world. I’m struggling with my guts too. Started last night and I didn’t sleep well either.

----------


## Suzi

Do you think maybe you should speak to a Dr? You've lost so much weight so fast....

----------


## Paula

> Welcome to my world. Im struggling with my guts too. Started last night and I didnt sleep well either.


Actually I think the more recent symptoms have been due to dehydration - its better this morning but I was struggling to wee yesterday




> Do you think maybe you should speak to a Dr? You've lost so much weight so fast....


I quote Si, when Katie asked the same question, you dont go to the doctors for a stomach bug! I tend to agree with him..

If I wasnt eating or drinking I might think differently but gradually Ive been upping both of those and am almost back to normal now

----------


## Suzi

I really worry that you've been so ill with it, it's not "just" a stomach bug, because also your lithium and thyroxine levels might be affected?

----------


## Paula

Yeah, mum and Si pointed that out today, so Si is on a mission to fatten me up. Weightwatchers is off the menu atm. I also had Katie over this evening for strictly - I missed her

----------


## Suzi

Glad you got to see her today! How's she doing? Things still all rosey for her? 
How's Jess? 
How's Si enjoying his new job?

----------


## Paula

Katies very happy - loves her home, loves her job, Dom and her are amazing  :): 
Jess is really good, again she loves her job and is really loving the 4 days on 4 days off. Shes being nice to me, even lol
Sis job is going well. He only went in 2 days this week - particularly useful as I wasnt well and the days he went in, Jess was at home.

----------


## Suzi

So apart from you being poorly, things for Team Paula seem to be going well?

----------


## Paula

Very much so!

I have a huge incentive for feeling better - mums coming up Friday to see the osteopath and weve got this whole day planned together.

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Stella180 (21-11-21)

----------


## Suzi

That sounds so awesome! What's on the plan?

----------


## Stella180

That sounds great. I know how much you enjoy spending time with your mum.

----------


## Paula

> That sounds so awesome! What's on the plan?


Lunch and a wander round an antique centre  :):

----------


## Suzi

OOO Sounds lovely!

----------


## Paula

I _think_ Im feeling a little better *she says tentively*

----------


## Suzi

I really hope so. If not, would you consider going to see a Dr?

----------


## Paula

Yes, Id already agreed that with Si :O:

----------


## Suzi

Good. You need to get better!

----------


## Paula

I do feel Im improving, still taking it easy but Im not falling over every time I stand up.  Ive just been watching TV and sleeping today.

Isnt it ironic.. Si gets his first pay cheque on Thursday for 11 months, and finally HMRC pay up his £7000 tax rebate

----------


## Stella180

Typical. Gonna be a good Christmas for you guys.

----------


## Suzi

Hooray for a rebate!  :):  Glad it's all coming in though and you're feeling at least a little better

----------


## Paula

Bit by bit, things are getting better. Even planning to do some cross stitch today  :):

----------


## Paula

Spoke too soon., I thought Id put some earrings in and make up on. Im shaking so badly, I couldnt get the earrings in.. seriously, this is really pissing me off now

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## Stella180

lucky for you, you don’t need earrings and make up to look gorgeous. I’m sure it is really frustrating not being able to do the things you really want to do and I hope this passes soon.

----------


## Allalone

Time to see a dr maybe?

----------


## Paula

> Time to see a dr maybe?


Maybe I should have, but I'm definitely over the worse so I dont see what they can do now itms?

----------


## Suzi

Do you not need a blood test to check that your levels are OK?

----------


## Paula

Ok, yeah. Ive tried to get a telephone appt to ask for a blood test but there isnt any today, so I was asked to call back tomorrow. I ended up doing a e-consult and they should get back to me by 6pm tomorrow.

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you've done that love.

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## Paula

Ive spoken to the doctor. He said sounds like you were really,  really ill! As Ive had a recent lithium test which was ok, hes confident my levels will return to normal. He told me to continue doing what Im doing, look after myself and treat myself. Now, apparently, is not the time for diets. And call them if things dont improve

Btw, Im having to use the stair lift.

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## Stella180

That is what it’s there for.

----------


## Paula

We had thought about taking it out but this is definitely an argument for keeping it

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you've spoken to your Dr. Sounds sensible. 
I'm really impressed that you are using your stair lift. It's there to be used as and when you want/need. Right now your body needs that help and support rather than walking up stairs...

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Paula (24-11-21)

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## Allalone

:Panda:

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## Suzi

How are you doing love?

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## Paula

Fed up with the constant shaking and brain fog

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## Jaquaia

Hopefully lots of rest will allow your body to recover and you'll soon be back to normal. It did sound like a really nasty bug  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Still shivering? Are you eating properly? Drinking enough? Resting and pacing enough?

----------


## Paula

Its not shivering, its shaking, almost muscle spasming but constant

----------


## Paula

Crap. PiP form has turned up

----------


## Suzi

If you're shaking that badly, is it a new symptom? Please speak to a dr.... 
Can you get help with your PIP form?

----------


## Paula

My doctor knows - he just feels my body is trying to readjust

I have made things worse for myself. Si and I decided I probably needed all the hydration I could have so I stopped the diuretic for a few days. Today, Ive had an absolute thumper of a headache

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## Paula

So mum came up for an osteopath appt and the plan was we would have a girlie day (lunch then an antique centre). We adjusted to just lunch as I couldnt manage wandering round the centre. Jess drove and, as we went to pick mum up, I got really nauseous. Jess refused to take me anywhere but home

----------


## Stella180

Oh dear. That doesn’t sound good.

----------


## Paula

No, and mum has left now so I can rest. She seemed shocked

----------


## Stella180

I hate that you’re still so unwell and that you didn’t get the quality time you really wanted with your mum.

----------


## Paula

She spent most of the time clutching my hands and made me promise to call the dr again if Im no better by Monday

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## Stella180

Awww. Hey if mum is worried then you have to make sure you do as she says. Rule #1 - Mum is always right.

----------


## Suzi

Your Mum is right. You need to speak to a Dr as you're still so poorly. Please, please listen to her. 
Also, well done Jess. Sounds like she did exactly the right thing.

----------


## Paula

I always listen to mum. The woman may be tiny but she is fierce (and a bit scary)

----------


## Stella180

I know someone else like that.  :O:

----------


## Paula

Yeah, this Apple doesnt fall far from that tree  :O:

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## Stella180

I’m glad that you share your mum’s awesomeness. They are qualities that make you the friend that I love.

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Paula (27-11-21)

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## Suzi

She's awesome! Well, you both are!

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Paula (27-11-21)

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## Paula

There is a possibility that everything going on now is psychological. I dont seem to have the spasms when Im asleep and theyre definitely worse when Im stressed. And, thinking about it, this year weve been dealing with Sis job situation, my IIH and the fear of surgery. Then I get this horrible bug which is just one more intense stress, plus the fact I might as well as chucked my psych meds down the loo and miss out the middle man!

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## Suzi

It's all going to have a nasty impact on you love, but doing the right stuff will get you back on track...

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## Stella180

All you can do is keep doing the right thing, take your meds, eat, drink and rest when you need to. I know from my own dealings with stress that the “side effects” only kick in once everything starts to calm down. Its like all the tension we hold in our body for so long finally gets released and then everything you’ve been fending off suddenly hits you. Of course chucking up your meds before they had a chance to fully enter your system would have been a problem but you’re back on the right track again and just need to be patient and take it easy for a while. You’ll get there.

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## OldMike

> I always listen to mum. The woman may be tiny but she is fierce (and a bit scary)


Tiny people can be scary  :O:  my dad was only little but had a BIG personality  :): 

Paula hope the bug/stress soon subsides  :Panda:

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Paula (28-11-21)

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## Suzi

How are you doing love?

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## Paula

Not great

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## Suzi

What's up love? Will you call the Dr tomorrow? PLEASE?

----------


## Paula

I have been having muscle spasms and tremors so badly I have actually hurt my neck and shoulder. I sat up til almost 2 this morning in tears, on my own. Im sleeping half the afternoon away, every day. Im not bothering with make up or drying  my hair. Yes, Im going to call the doctors

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## Suzi

Those are horrible symptoms love. I don't think I've known you not do makeup etc.... Why were you up on your own in tears? That's the loneliest feeling in the world. 
I hope you get to speak to someone today love.

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## Paula

The doctor will call back this morning

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## Suzi

I'm really glad you called them love. Is Si in work or at home?

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## Paula

Hes here, so is Jess.

Spoke to the doctor, hes calling the crisis team this morning

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## Suzi

Crisis team? As in mental health or physical?

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## Paula

Mental health.

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## Allalone

:Panda:

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Paula (29-11-21)

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## Strugglingmum

Sending love. Xx

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Paula (29-11-21)

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## Suzi

Have you heard anything love?

----------


## Paula

No, he said today (hopefully) or tomorrow but to keep my phone with me at all times

----------


## Suzi

Still having the same symptoms? Why are they thinking mental health rather than neurological?

----------


## Paula

Because it is. My depression always manifests physically and the fact Ive had intrusive thoughts kinda cements it. And, without the right meds, my MH does crash that quickly

----------


## Stella180

So erm… how come you’ve only talked about the physical stuff and not the mental side of things? Is that not why we’re all here?

----------


## Suzi

Intrusive thoughts? Have you been keeping that one away from us? 
Oh lovely...

----------


## Paula

Because, for me, its the physical stuff I notice first. Always has been. And, tbf, this has only been since my bug which finished 2 weeks ago so Ive not been hiding anything, its just been a rapid change.

----------


## Jaquaia

:Panda:

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Paula (29-11-21)

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## OldMike

All I can do is send you a little lovely panda  :Panda:  Paula I'm probably speaking to the converted but have you any distraction methods to combat the intrusive thoughts?

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Paula (29-11-21)

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## Paula

Yes Mike, lots of trashy tv, and solitaire on my iPad

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## Suzi

> Because, for me, its the physical stuff I notice first. Always has been. And, tbf, this has only been since my bug which finished 2 weeks ago so Ive not been hiding anything, its just been a rapid change.


Not poking or anything.... Just concerned. I'm glad you're finally going to get some help love. What can I/we do?

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## Paula

Im trying to see the light in this current dimming. Remember the fright we got when we woke up to a waterfall in the middle of the house? The loss adjuster came today and has agreed we need the following doing to the 3 halls and 2 flights of stairs:

ALL painting - ceilings, walls and woodwork
New carpet and new underlay on 2 flights of stairs and top two hallways (ground floor has a gorgeous and bombproof flooring)
They will also pay for the stairlift to be deinstalled to have the carpet laid, and reinstalled when carpet is done

Yay! Im getting half my house redecorated - and its part of the house that needed doing!

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Strugglingmum (30-11-21)

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## Allalone

That's great news!

Sending loads of love.xx

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Paula (30-11-21)

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## Stella180

Bonus.

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## Suzi

Epically good news! 

How are you doing today love? You got people at home around you?

----------


## Jaquaia

Excellent!!!

----------


## Paula

> Epically good news! 
> 
> How are you doing today love? You got people at home around you?


Yeah, Sis working from home no Jess has 12 days off.

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## Allalone

It’s good you have Si and Jess at home with you.

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Paula (30-11-21)

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## Paula

Ive called my GP to find out whats going on. Theyve had an email response from the crisis team for the urgent referral. So suppose Ive just got to wait.

----------


## Suzi

It would have been nice for them to let you know that they know you're waiting...

----------


## Strugglingmum

How are you doing lovely lady??

----------


## Suzi

Any news love?

----------


## Paula

Yeah, Ive got an appointment with the psychiatrist Thursday 9th, and the telephone number for the crisis team

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Stella180 (01-12-21)

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## Stella180

I’ve got my booster the same day.

----------


## Suzi

Will you use that phone number if anyone thinks you should?

----------


## Paula

Yeah..

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda: 
Sending you lots of love. 
Please be kind to you, remember one step at a time. Take it hour by hour if you need to. You are going to get through this.

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Paula (02-12-21)

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## Allalone

Sending love and hugs. 
 :Panda:

----------

Paula (02-12-21)

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## Suzi

Yo! Princess! How are you doing love?

----------


## Paula

Im ok

----------


## Jaquaia

Genuinely? Or not great but don't really want to talk about it?

----------


## Paula

No Im not great. A family friend Ive known all my life popped round. She didnt come in but, once she said hi to me she stopped. And said that I didnt look well.

Then I tried to log into a webinar for work. I couldnt get the sound working and got overwhelmed and just left.

Ive also started scratching

----------


## Stella180

I wish there was something I could do to help. At least you are recognising what’s happening which is a starting point to fighting back. Suddenly a week feels like a really long time for that psych appointment. I can schedule in a call to make you smile due to my ridiculous sense of humour  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

Minute by minute if that's what you need. You've got this  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Can you call your Dr and get them to try to speed up the appointment. A week is a long time to leave you in crisis.....

----------


## Paula

She said it was their urgent referral. I can call the crisis team but Im fine. Si and Jess between them are here 24/7

----------


## Stella180

Don’t forget we’re here for you too.

----------


## Suzi

You can always call/text/carrier pigeon if you want or need....

----------


## Paula

Si has just managed to get a 4 week extension on my PiP award review paperwork!

Edit

Apparently its on my records Id probably need extra support..

----------


## Allalone

That’s so good to hear.

----------


## Suzi

Well done Si! 
That has to be a huge relief! When was it meant to be in by?

----------


## Paula

17 december

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you've got that extension in place love.

----------


## Paula

I posted this on the dwd Facebook page this morning. I know Ive been withdrawn but hoped this might explain some of what Ive been feeling


https://www.facebook.com/11014347569...1997250841759/

----------


## Jaquaia

:Panda:

----------

Paula (12-12-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Love you. X :Panda:

----------

Paula (12-12-21)

----------


## Suzi

I just want to throw my arms around you, hug you and hug you and hug you some more. I'm so glad you're talking at all... 
How long have you been on the new meds regime?

----------

Paula (12-12-21)

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## Paula

Havent had them yet, waiting for the prescription from the GP. But shes putting me on a low dose to start as they can cause sickness (and given my recent history), and she wont be reviewing the dose til 22 January.

Ive been very tearful today

----------


## Suzi

Sorry you've been struggling with tears lovely. What about taking an anti-sickness too?

----------


## Stella180

Someone once told me that tears are toxic and if we keep them in they poison us to we have to shed them so cleanse our soul. This is obviously something that you need to do right now so try and see it as a good thing.

----------

Flo (13-12-21),Paula (12-12-21)

----------


## Suzi

That's well put.

----------


## Paula

> Sorry you've been struggling with tears lovely. What about taking an anti-sickness too?


I suppose well see what happens

----------


## Suzi

Morning gorgeous, 
Did you sleep? Are you keeping on with the basics - eating, drinking, pacing? 
Are Si and Jess at work? Are you at home on your own?

----------


## Paula

Yes, sort of. Yes, even getting showered. Si is wfh, Jess is on her days off and may be wfh but doesnt know yet. Im rarely on my own

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you aren't on your own love. 

What do you mean "sort of" with food and drink?

----------


## Paula

It was sort off with sleep. Im not getting as much as usual and its fragmented. Si is feeding me ..

----------


## Flo

Nothing wrong with shedding tears Paula..as Stella says, they're cleansing. I cry when I don't get enough sleep....I can barely function unless I get 6+ hours. Hope you have a better day darling and that you have some company to help you through.xxx

----------


## magie06

Even the clouds cry when they get too heavy.

----------

Suzi (13-12-21)

----------


## Suzi

> It was sort off with sleep. Im not getting as much as usual and its fragmented. Si is feeding me ..


I'm really glad Si is feeding you  :O:  Any news on the new prescription?

----------


## Paula

I rang GP at 10am and 3pm, theyve had the letter from the psychiatrist but it must be with the doctor - Ill send him a task to chase it up.

----------


## Suzi

That's ridiculous! I hope they get it sorted asap.

----------

Paula (14-12-21)

----------


## Paula

Ive got them, at least as many as they had

----------


## Suzi

Only part of your prescription? Are you starting them today?

----------


## Paula

Only part, a weeks worth. Ive taken my first one

----------


## Stella180

Let’s hope they give you that bit of a lift that you need.

----------


## Suzi

Well done for taking them lovely.

----------


## Paula

A glimpse of light in the darkness! Katie spent the day with Jess and I. I found out at the weekend that Katie had never watched Love Actually!!! I decided to remedy that. We had a lovely day  :):

----------

Strugglingmum (22-12-21)

----------


## Stella180

Perfect girlie day in.

----------


## Jaquaia

Erm... How has she not seen that??????  :Surprised:

----------


## Paula

> Erm... How has she not seen that??????


Not a clue - I feel like such a failure  :O:

----------


## Suzi

> A glimpse of light in the darkness! Katie spent the day with Jess and I. I found out at the weekend that Katie had never watched Love Actually!!! I decided to remedy that. We had a lovely day


That's an amazing post - although I'm saddened to hear you've not passed the duty to share Love Actually! I'm shocked to hear that! 
So glad you've had a brighter day love.

----------


## Stella180

Ah, but she has corrected that minor oversight and it sounds like they had a lovely time too.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sounds wonderful.  X

----------


## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you today? Are the meds taking the edge off?

----------


## Paula

I think maybe yes. Sorry to not be more decisive but its still very much play it by the minute.

----------


## Suzi

Hey, minute by minute is more than OK right now. The most important thing is to focus on you and allow yourself to get through this. As much as you want it sorted in the next second, it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as you get better.

----------

Paula (23-12-21)

----------


## magie06

I'm so glad to hear that news. But please be very kind to you and just pop on another Christmas movie this afternoon.

----------


## Paula

My friend and goddaughter popped over with presents earlier. They only stayed for about 20 mins but I was shaking the whole time and am shattered. Im just t about to have a video call with my best friend but I might have to keep it short.

----------


## Jaquaia

Do whatever you need to do to look after you. I'm sure your best friend will understand  :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

As Jaq says, your best friend will understand. Hunni anyone who loves you will understand, those who don't aren't important...

----------


## Paula

Update. I am recovering, slowly. The last two days have been exhausting so Im having a pj day today.

----------


## Stella180

A PJ day sounds justified.

----------


## Suzi

I am SO pleased for you. Definitely do the PJ day!

----------


## OldMike

> Update. I am recovering, slowly. The last two days have been exhausting so I’m having a pj day today.


Nothing like a PJ day go for it and pamper yourself.

----------

Stella180 (27-12-21)

----------


## Suzi

How's the PJ day going?

----------


## Paula

I watched tv and slept. So just about right for a pj day

----------


## Stella180

Sounds perfect to me. Are you feeling refreshed?

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you're actually resting love.

----------


## Paula

> Sounds perfect to me. Are you feeling refreshed?


Im not sure one days enough but Im getting there

----------


## Stella180

Oh bonus, PJ Day part 2 tomorrow then. Lots of romcoms and hot chocolate just to make it the perfect day. Puppy or hubby cuddles on demand.

----------


## Suzi

One day at a time is more than fine. 

When do Si and Jess go back to work?

----------


## Paula

Si is working next Tuesday and Wednesday, then has Thursday and Friday off. But hes working from home every day atm.

Jess is going back Saturday

----------


## Suzi

Glad he's working from home atm so he's there if you want/need him. 
Is Jess looking forward to going back to work?

----------


## Paula

I think she is  :):

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Had Christmas mark 3 with my brother and his family, and mum and dad. It was great to see them all but I was very anxious - didnt help that it was the first time in weeks I left the house except for medical appointments. I ended up exhausting myself and fell asleep while everyone else played games. I hate this.

----------


## Jaquaia

You're posting more, you did it. There are improvements there but it will take time. Be kind to you  :Panda:

----------

Paula (29-12-21)

----------


## Suzi

Jaq's completely right. You are posting more, a couple of weeks ago you wouldn't have been able to even contemplate 1 Christmas, let alone 3.... You may hate it, but you are so far from where you were in crisis...

----------

Paula (30-12-21)

----------


## Paula

New year and, as this thread is quite long, ill close it and start a new one  :):

----------

Suzi (01-01-22)

----------

