# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  Bro withdrawn, hateful & wont discuss depression

## Turkish

Hi All,

I'm at my wits end with my brother and have been for years but his depression is the worse it's ever been- I'm so worried about him but he's so hard to talk to.

background- brother is 25 years old
We have a family business:- my brother has never had the right attitude with school, employment or been driven in anyway whatsoever. He has been given a job with us but he barely does it; he turns up between 30 minutes and 2.5 hours late every day which is awful for company morale as we have non family members in the company also. He mainly just sits with headphones on watching youtube videos.

He grunts rather than talks nowadays and just can't be bothered speaking with anyone.

When you speak to him about anything about doing better, or the right thing he bites your head off.

I've told my dad I want to sack him due to the way he is in work- its awful, he's horrible to everyone & he knows it and he really doesn't want to be here but with no qualifications, no get up and go and no enthusiasm he wouldn't get a job elsewhere. He already had a job with my brother in law who had to sack him as was an engineering firm and he just sat on his phone the whole time.

He won't open up and talk about anything so it's hard for him to even admit he has depression. He still stays with my mum (Parents split up) and doesn't even go see pals anymore- he just sits in his room all the time. He has also smoked cannabis since his early teens and won't give that up.


I have no idea what else is going on in his head but the way his life is and how unhappy he is I am really worried he will do himself damage.


I have tried taking him out of the work to do social activities but he refuses.... we were trying to get him to watch football this weekend and he says no. What else can I do? Help!!!


Between trying to juggle work and a family with wife, baby and toddler It's not as if I have a ton of time but anytime I do try and spare and ask him to do something he just can't be bothered.

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD.
Sounds to me like you've tried pretty much everything and actually doing nothing about it is only going to risk your business, employees and your family. 
Could you try referring him to occupational therapy? Maybe suggest that he goes to see his gp as part of an agreement for him to stay on as a paid employee?

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## Paula

Hi and welcome to DWD. I need to be honest here and apologise if I upset you. Ive suffered with depression for 30 years and, in all that time, have _never_ and would never treat anyone like your brother is treating you and your family. Having mental health issues does not give anyone the right to behave like your brother is. I assure you that 99.9% of people Ive met over the years who struggle with depression are concerned about the impact on their family, which clearly your brother isnt. And you have a wife and young children. They need to be your focus and your brother is taking that focus away from your family.

As far as work is concerned, its obviously a decision you and your father need to make and no one here should be giving you any advice on what to do. All I can say is that hes an adult and should be responsible for his own life. I have a 21 yo daughter who went through issues with her work a few months ago. Although we talked about her options and I supported her, the decisions she made were hers to make alone. It meant resigning without a job to go too but she did it, knowing it was the right decision for her and she worked hard at getting a new job, that she loves. All the way through, she took responsibility for her own life.

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Suzi (25-04-19)

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