# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  I need to let off steam!!! *SU trigger*

## Pottykates

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting, But I've finally admitted to myself that I can't keep trying to cope on my own. It's too hard! 

Im struggling to deal with my new husband, Rob and his depression. We're both 26 and we've been together nearly 10 years and I love him so much! But, the last few weeks have been so hard!

Rob I think has always had mild depression since I've known him, But he has managed to deal with it most of the time. We have had a few ups and downs in the past when his dad committed suicide 4 years ago and when he was extremely unhappy in his job, He had an affair with a girl from his work. I found it hard but I forgave him as he was extremely depressed at the time and he made a mistake (He won't be doing it again!!) Depression is no excuse! There are other things on top he has done as well.

He went to the doctors and they prescribed him medication and he went back to his normal self. Then this time last year, he got tendonitis in his wrist, was off sick for a month and eventually had to leave his job in case it happened again (He was a chef), so he was down again because he loved chefing and suddenly he had nothing to do and couldn't get another job due to having no experience in anything else. I'm a teacher so I earn a decent wage and we had savings to get us by, But we had to watch our finances.

In february, he finally got a job as a carer, although a few months later, his depression came back with a vengence. We aren't sure what the trigger was, But he went back to the docs and they upped his medication and sent him to a bereavement councillor to help him with the loss of his dad. Everything was fine, He managed to talk about things he had oppressed for years and he was enjoying his new job. 

Fast forward to August and we got married and went on honeymoon. In between the wedding and honeymoon, his tablets were changed as they were thought to cause heart attcks. The honeymoon was great, But as soon as we got back, He went into a deep depression. The worst that I can remember. I get it is the come down after such a busy, fantastic summer but I also suspected that the new tablets were not working. He lost his job through making minor mistakes and being late for work as he couldn't wake up in the morning. He has no motivation to do anything and sits there all day everyday on his phone on social media or games. When he is depressed, He gets obsessed with his phone and winning so ends up spending money on helping him complete these games. Yesterday he spent £20 which we can't afford now he no longer has a job. He is applying for jobs but again, He has no experience so so far he has heard nothing which doesn't help his self esteem.

As soon as I realised he was depressed, I sent him back to the doctors and they have changed his medication again and said they shouldn't have changed it the first time the way they did so that's annoying. The job loss could have maybe been avoided!

I am trying to stay positive and helping to encourage him to search for jobs and trying to cheer him up, But the weight of not having any money and being the one to support us with money again is weighing very hard on me. . We have just done the budget for next month and my wage just about covers our outgoings. I am terrified of losing our house. I am working as much as I can so that my job isn't in jeopardy but then I come home and my house is a mess and he has just sat there doing very little or going fishing.

We have just had an argument about money and why he can never keep a job and I feel awful, but it's not fair! Since school I've worked my ass off to get to where I want to be with my decent wage so I can have the nice things in life, But all I seem to do is have to carry my new husband through his depressive episodes. And the worst thing is there is no one to blame. It's not his fault he is depressed. I am trying to stay strong for both of us, But I am scared that I will become ill too. Last year, i had mild depression when i started my new job and had a really tricky class, so I know I'm prone to it. I keep crying and worrying about the money situation we are in. I just want to be a normal 26 year old! It's not fair!!!

Okay, I know there are worse things in life and we are just in another bad patch, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I think/I hope writing all of this down will help me to feel better as I don't know what else to do. Rob has support from the doctor and he is on the waiting list to see another therapist, But what help is there out there for me?

Anyway, thank you for reading. I'm going to try and end this on a positive note with a 'Things can only get better!' Quote from take that and I'm going to give my new hubby a big hug and apologise for having a go about the lack of money. 

Katie.

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## magie06

Hi Katie and welcome to DWD. You certainly have been through the mill recently. The come down from a wedding can certainly trigger depression. But you are doing the right things. I think at this stage you should make am appointment with the GP for yourself. They will be able to help and give you the support you need. 
However in the meantime, you have come to the right place. We are  generally a friendly bunch and always have a friendly welcome for newcomers. Have a look around and jump in when you feel comfortable.

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## Paula

hi Katie and welcome. Ive added a trigger warning as youve mentioned suicide. Its nothing to worry about, it just ensures other members are aware there may be something discussed that may cause triggers.

Youre doing a great job! You really are dealing with this as well as anyone could. Youre right, while you can appreciate that some of your husbands behaviour is due to his depression, thats no excuse for treating you badly and he needs to know that. Youre treading a fine line between being supportive while not being trampled on - I know that must be hard.

Magie is right in that it may be worth talking to your doctor and asking for support

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## Suzi

Wow, I can't tell you how much of that I could have written 10+ years ago.... I'm glad you've found us. Coincidently I was a trainee teacher when I met my now husband and I worked hard to get my degree and go into teaching and my NQT year etc... I had to give up work for a myriad of reasons, but I miss it so much! 

Sweetheart, talk to him. Tell him that you are struggling. There is no excuse for him having had that affair or for treating you badly. OK so you coming home and he hasn't managed to do anything isn't easy to deal with, but maybe you can talk to him about him doing 1 thing - in our house it started with taking the bins out as it's something I struggle with. Then you can build things in. 

When was the last time you did something fun for the pair of you - no talking finances, or jobs or anything similar - just fun?

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