# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth

## Jaquaia

Let's try this again shall we?

Ok, so the truth is when I'm struggling with something I shut down and shut people out. If I say "I'm ok" then the chances are I'm not. If something upsets me, even when I know causing upset was the very last intention, I shut down and shut people out and go back to "I'm ok" when I'm not. I refuse to talk, I refuse to explain what's wrong. Partly because of fear and partly learned behaviour. I'm scared of upsetting people by telling them they upset me as I've had years of being guilt-tripped, so my learned behaviour is keep quiet, deal with the hurt in my own way and then go back and carry on as normal as then it means people don't leave me. I'm used to people abandoning me and that learned behaviour doesn't always override the logic that the people in my life now are decent. 

I hate people seeing how vulnerable I can be at times as it's been used against me in the past. Dickhead used that against me all the time. Made me feel like I was nothing because I struggled. Repeatedly told me that I was attention-seeking, it was a made-up illness, it wasn't fatigue, I was just too fat and lazy to do stuff... you get the idea. So my instinct is to shut down and shut people out as then my vulnerability can't be used against me, it's self-preservation, and knowing that the people in my life now won't do that isn't enough to override that instinct.

I worry about being told that how I feel isn't valid, that I have no right to feel like I do or that I can't feel like I do if something has upset me. I've had that happen a lot and even if how I end up feeling wasn't the intention, it was the result. So my instinct is to keep quiet, avoid talking and go back to "I'm ok". Has anyone spotted a pattern yet? 

I will freely admit that I can be difficult and bloody hard work at times. When I'm feeling hurt and misunderstood I can overreact and misconstrue things. I'm working on it but a lifetime of learned behaviour is difficult to change in a few years. Trust me, it drives J crazy too.  So I'm going to try to be more honest about how I'm doing from now on. I may fail at times but I am trying.

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## Suzi

I am SO f*ing proud of you! Well done love, I know how hard it can be laying yourself out there. I couldn't be prouder of you than I am right now!

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Flo (16-12-20),Jaquaia (15-12-20)

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## magie06

It's wonderful that you've opened a new thread. 
I have noticed what you said about you before. I think we all do that as a method of self preservation, I'm okay is a lot easier to say than I'm struggling. 
Sending the biggest hugs your way.  :(bear):  :(bear):

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Jaquaia (15-12-20)

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## Stella180

There she is! That’s the girl we all know and love. I know I don’t always help situations and I’m sorry if I contribute to the problem sometimes. Really glad you have a new thread open.

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Flo (16-12-20),Jaquaia (15-12-20)

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## Paula

Love that post! So proud of you  :):

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Jaquaia (15-12-20)

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## Knowle

What a brave thing to do to post - I am incredibly proud of you!

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Jaquaia (15-12-20)

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## Suzi

Honestly, how are you feeling after posting that?

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## Jaquaia

I don't know if I'm honest

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## Suzi

I always find it really hard to show my vulnerability....

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## Jaquaia

I generally hate showing my vulnerability but I thought it might help explain why I can be difficult

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## Stella180

Nobody likes to feel vulnerable, we all feel exposed when opening up cos these are the things which can potentially hurt up the most. The fact you’ve shared this shows you trust us and takes a lot of courage.

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Jaquaia (16-12-20)

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## Mira

Thanks so much for sharing this. I do know that when I read your threads and you reply with I'm ok. I think we all know you are not. But I dont want to say that because I am worried thats not good.

But a lot of what you wrote I can relate to. And its not easy sharing this. Thank you.

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Jaquaia (16-12-20)

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## Flo

You're incredibly honest love and it takes a lot to write a post like that. If I'm being honest, I hide behind the "I'm ok" thing myself, but in my case it's because it's easier! I should take a leaf out of your book. You've made me think now. You're one amazing woman so never forget that. Lots of love coming your way. Sending lots of love your way.xxx

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Jaquaia (16-12-20)

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## Flo

Oh!.....I duplicated!! Silly bitch that I am...but you get the drift! :(giggle):

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## Suzi

> I generally hate showing my vulnerability but I thought it might help explain why I can be difficult


It's not "being difficult" at all.... If you were being "difficult" then you'd be doing it because you could or because you want to make things harder for people. I don't see that as it at all. This is learnt behaviour and the course of action which has been the safest for you to adopt in the past. Now, you "just" have to unlearn it to relearn that we love and care for you and we genuinely want to know how you are, not just "I'm fine" and if I have said something to upset you I'd always rather know. Sometimes I just need things spelled out to me a bit more.... Does that make sense?

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Jaquaia (16-12-20),Stella180 (16-12-20)

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## Stella180

^^^ Yes! This. I’d much rather know cos is there is some kind of misunderstanding is can be sorted out. When we are struggling we don’t always see things the way they are.

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Jaquaia (16-12-20)

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## Jaquaia

It does make sense

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## Suzi

Quick, someone tell Marc that I said something that made sense! Document the time and the date!

How are you doing?

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## Jaquaia

My instinct is to say I'm ok but the truth is I'm doing everything I can to avoid my assignment. I've changed and washed our bedding, hoovered right through, cleaned Toby's litter tray and I've run out of jobs so uni work it is! 

We're delivering presents over the next few days, J's friend tomorrow who has a new baby so both dreading and looking forward to that. I'm worried about her feeling sorry for me, even though I know she won't as she gets it. She needed IVF for her little girl and it's her that advises J on how to best support me. Then dropping birthday and Christmas presents off for my sister and nieces, and my brother and his fiancee on Friday. Trying to get it sorted before the children break off

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## Paula

Are you not enjoying this assignment then?

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## Stella180

So you thought you needed to explain why to retreat when you struggling? Like everyone does? After all these years mate I thing we get it.

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## Jaquaia

> Are you not enjoying this assignment then?


I hate statistics with a passion and there are very few qualitative papers on my topic.




> So you thought you needed to explain why to retreat when you struggling? Like everyone does? After all these years mate I thing we get it.


Pretty much!

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## Suzi

OK let's break it down... 

1) Well done for not "I'm fine"ing me/us. That's a huge positive! 
2) What's up with the assignment? What part are you struggling with? 
3) Delivering presents to a new baby is going to be tough, whether they "get it" or not. What self care are you putting in place to help you through? 
4) As above for your sister and brother. Again, what self care are you going to make a priority? 
5) When do you have T +A? When do they break up? How are the holidays being split?

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## Jaquaia

1) Thank you
2) I changed track a bit and am now looking at the experience of signallers as lone workers except the studies I've found are all quantitative which means statistics and I don't understand a word! 
3+4) I hadn't thought about self-care. I'll have A on my own for a while tomorrow as J has a telephone counselling appointment, not to mention that he's struggling massively as he failed his medical yesterday due to anxiety sending his blood-pressure rocketing so he isn't allowed to do safety critical work until a GP has signed him off as fit so I've been trying to look after him. We've split present deliveries up at least. And we need to get a big shop in too. 
5) Friday. It's J's long weekend so they're with us for a week, though they're going back a day early so J can have them the latter part of Christmas Day and Boxing Day and she doesn't miss out on time either.

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## Suzi

But hunni, if you are caring for him, for A, for T, for your parents, what are you doing to look after you???? Can you prioritise some of that please?

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## Jaquaia

I've done some of my diamonds picture after my writers group as laptop issues have given me a headache

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## Suzi

Did you find them relaxing? I'm glad you did something for you with the writers group and the diamonds. Well done lovely.

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## Jaquaia

The writers group was stressful as my laptop was playing silly buggers, it took me 20 minutes to get in the video call. Got a few prompts to work on though. We've worked our way through the rest of the foxes biscuits though!

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## Paula

What picture are you doing atm?

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## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you today?

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## Jaquaia

> What picture are you doing atm?


Unicorns but it's a full drill so is taking ages!!! I'll post a pic when it's done.




> Morning lovely, how are you today?


I'm ok. Truly. It may change later. Already had to deal with T coming for school trousers and him being upset because his mums bf has been a dick to him.

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## Suzi

Poor T! Glad you are OK though lovely.

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## magie06

How was the rest of your day?

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## Jaquaia

It was ok. She was tiny and absolutely gorgeous but part of me didn't want to be there.

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## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

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## magie06

Massive cyber hugs.  :(bear):

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## Paula

:Panda:

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## Suzi

Massive hugs gorgeous.... Are you giving you some space and some time to process your emotions which are very real x

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## Jaquaia

I've done Christmas cards with A as her mother never bothered, got presents sorted out for teachers (J's mum sorted them, we just added to them), had hugs from the little people while we watched some of the football and am just sat watching the second half after stories.

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## Suzi

Does that count as self care?

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## Jaquaia

The way Man Utd played at times? Not really!!! Though I did well to only call our keeper an idiot for the first goal...

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## Paula

Whats your plans for today?

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## Jaquaia

Delivering presents to my sister and brother, then shopping, uni work and picking the little people up after school

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## Flo

You've got a full day ahead! When do the little people break up? Oh, by the way.....manage to reset my password straightaway a few mins ago. The new system must have been overwhelmed and clogged up. Hope those pour souls with TMA deadlines managed to rest. Thanks for your help love and have a good - albeit busy - day.x

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## Jaquaia

They break off today Flo so we want to get things out of the way. A was a little upset as she wanted to meet Scarlett, bless her!

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## Flo

A sensible plan! Maybe A can facetime Scarlett?

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## Suzi

How's your day going love? What have you got planned as self care?

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## Jaquaia

Presents dropped off and a chat with my brother and sister. Scarlett misbehaved a little but she's not seen me in so long. Stuff picked up from my parents so shopping next

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## Suzi

Are you OK?

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## Jaquaia

Achey. Obviously we couldn't go in so stood outside talking and it's cold so my hands and wrists are aching.

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## Suzi

Can you warm them up and rest them?

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## Jaquaia

We've just got a parcel to pick up then we can go home and rest for an hour. Though I may be killing J soon if he doesn't stop sneaking fecking dolmio sauce in with the shopping!!!

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## Stella180

What’s wrong with that? Tomato based sauces are not a reason to be put to death.

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## Strugglingmum

Sounds busy. Hope your joints ease soon. X

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## Jaquaia

> What’s wrong with that? Tomato based sauces are not a reason to be put to death.


We have 5 jars in the bloody cupboard and I've rold him repeatedly not to buy any!




> Sounds busy. Hope your joints ease soon. X


They're a bit better now thanks. A hasn't helped though, she walked out of school, as she wanted to go to the swings. The teacher had let her out to T as she normally waits with him (staggered start/finish times), well she didn't this time! T made it worse by grabbing her hood and dragging her by it. She got royally bollocked by both us and her teacher and then she fell down the stairs! 

Is it too early to go to bed?

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## Angie

:(bear):

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## Suzi

:Panda:  What a day!

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## magie06

It's never to early for bed.

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## Paula

Absolutely what Magie said!

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## Jaquaia

I've only just sat down to do some uni work. I need to read at least some to this article but I won't push too hard. Then bed and up early for A's dance class. Hair and make up as they're filming routines in lieu of a show.

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## Strugglingmum

Oh girl you need some spoiling, you have packed a lot in in the past few days.

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## Jaquaia

It probably explains why I feel exhausted. Funnily enough, the paper I'm reading is about fatigue...

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## Suzi

How are you today lovely? Are you pacing today?

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## Jaquaia

Up early, child dressed, hair done and back-combed, make up applied and kicked off to dancing, older child read the riot act for attitude and kicked upstairs to tidy his room and got a wash on. Now sprawled on the sofa with a cat as I can't find the energy to go and read my article

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## Paula

Then obviously the sofa is where you need to be right now....

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## Jaquaia

"Can you come and help me with the hoovering?"

"No. You're nearly 11. This bit goes in the socket, tip it back, press this button and move it like this. Away you go!"

Going to plod through and take things as slowly as I can.

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## Paula

Great answer!

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## Suzi

Awesome! Stay on that sofa for a bit....

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## Jaquaia

We popped to Tesco in Market Weighton for a bit of shopping and A came in with me. She was brilliant, really polite, pushed the trolley, got things off the shelf that we needed, help put things on the belt, accepted no when she asked for things. And raised a few smiles when walking around tesco wearing bunny ears!!! We're sat drawing a picture for next door now as a thank you for selection boxes.

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Paula (19-12-20)

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## Strugglingmum

Sounds lovely.  Well done A

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## Suzi

Well done A! How did the ballet go?

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## Jaquaia

It went ok, J sent Cruella a photo of A in her tshirt she got for performing and she kicked off as he hadn't asked her to do A's hair or make up... tier 3 daft cow! You're not allowed in the house!!! Anyway, he's offered her them back early so she doesn't miss out on time as we're having them the later part of Christmas Day and most of Boxing Day so she shut up before she made herself look even more unreasonable!

Santa came through the village so we took A to see him, she showed J how she could "speak duck"  :(giggle):  then we had a bit of a walk to look at some of the Christmas lights. A loved it.

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## Flo

Ooh! I was going to mention it on my thread but I'll put it here if that's ok....we had Santa in our village last night too. Sledge all lit up being pulled by a tractor blaring out Christmas songs followed by mums and dads with kids, ending up by the pub. The village tree was lit up..even the covid tree topper was illuminated. It was quite amazing. Poor Cruella obviously doesn't watch the news then! Glad you all had a nice time twinkly watching...it's nice to be distracted from the plague for a bit isn't it?

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## Paula

COVID tree topper??

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## Jaquaia

The village pond

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## Flo

> COVID tree topper??


 Yes! A farmer friend of Dan's (pub landlord) made it! I'll take a photo of it later and send it to suzi...maybe she can put it on here so you can see it. I can't do things like that!!

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Suzi (20-12-20)

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## Flo

> The village pond


 How gorgeous!!

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## Paula

Beautiful

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## Suzi

Jaq, that's really lovely! Sounds like a lovely day, did T enjoy himself too? 
Flo, I'll look out for it lol

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## Jaquaia

T misbehaved a bit so he's lost his xbox for the day.

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## Suzi

Bugger! What did he do? We had strict consequences for ours too.

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## Jaquaia

Grabbed A, she jumped and nutted him, though she had no idea because her hat is quite thick and fluffy, and his response was to punch her in the head. Luckily for him, his fist glanced off the top of her head so she didn't notice. The moment I told her she'd hurt T she apologised straight away with zero prompting.

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## Suzi

That's not nice of him! It's so hard dealing with it all, but we always found "consequences" were the best way for Ben (losing xbox was always the most effective, but if he accepted the consequence then he could have it back), the time out stair for Hazel (she only ever ended up on it a coupe of times and sobbed like the world was over) and Fern had a mixture.... 
Sounds like you handled it perfectly!  :):

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## Suzi

Hey love, how are you today?

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## Jaquaia

Tired. Had an assignment due yesterday, kids have been misbehaving, been woken up 2 nights in a row by A having bad dreams (the unicorn she was riding was eaten by a t-rex) and then Toby decided to cough up a hairball under the bed just before 7 so dragged him out as it was easier to clean up if he did it on the main floor.

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## Paula

Are you resting today?

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## Jaquaia

Erm... not really. It's fun stuff though, I'm marzipaning the Christmas cakes, making peppermint coconut ice as I make it every year for my dad, making gingerbread men with A, I have chocolate covered marzipan balls to do too and gingerbread fudge.

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## Suzi

That sounds like a huge amount! Can you maybe pace it a bit?

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## Jaquaia

I'm going to spread it out over a few daysand J will help too. The main things is getting the left over marzipan covered in chocolate and put away before J eats it all!!!

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  Yuk! I am NOT a lover of marzipan!

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## Jaquaia

We had to buy extra as he nicked a block I'd bought for a cake!!!

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## Stella180

I cant stand it either. If I'm given a piece of cake with marzipan and icing on the offending items are immediately removed. Why would you wanna ruin a lovely fruit cake with that evil stuff? If someone put Cyanide in the Marzipan how would you know?

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## Jaquaia

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl): 

I love marzipan! The fruit cake is the issue!

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## Strugglingmum

I'm with you Jaq, give me the marzipan and keep the fruitcake!!

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## Stella180

Great, more cake for me lol

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## Flo

I've just thrown a huge bit of marzipan in the bin! You could have had that! :(giggle):  Just made a load of Baileys dark choc truffles....and I made shortbread with a twist...added zest of 2 oranges...they're ok actually. They've passed quality control aka Ian.

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## Stella180

Those truffles sound lush, but are they as nice as Magie's?

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## Paula

Mmmmmm marzipan  :O:

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## Suzi

> I cant stand it either. If I'm given a piece of cake with marzipan and icing on the offending items are immediately removed. Why would you wanna ruin a lovely fruit cake with that evil stuff? If someone put Cyanide in the Marzipan how would you know?


When we were little my Mum used to make fruit cake, marzipan and ice it. I hate all of it, but I used to take some which I gave the marzipan and icing to my little sister and gave the cake to my Dad!  :):

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## Jaquaia

A is happy!!!

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## Stella180

where's mine?

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## Suzi

Those look fabulous!

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## Flo

> Those truffles sound lush, but are they as nice as Magie's?


I've never tasted magie's. Mine are made with double cream, 70% dark choc and Belgian choc, with about 9 tblspns of bailey's. The ganache is in the fridge and tomorrow I shall roll into balls, put them on cocktail sticks then dip them in Belgian choc again. They're time consuming but delicious and boozy....so for those who are boozy floozies book now to avoid disappointment! :(giggle):

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## Stella180

I'm first in the queue! they sound really naughty.

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## Suzi

They sound fabulous!

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## Jaquaia

They'd sound great except I can't stand baileys either!  :(rofl): 

Ooh! 76 on my assignment!!!

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Stella180 (22-12-20)

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## Suzi

Wow! Well done!  :):

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Stella180

Nice one

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Angie

Well done on the assignment x
Use rum instead of Baileys though I love both

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Paula

Awesome Jaq!

As for those truffles, Flo, if it wasnt illegal, Id be sending Si to pick some up tonight  :O:

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Stella180

Can still stick some in the post special delivery for before Christmas  :O:  Alternatively a New Years treat, see out 2020 with a truffle or two.

I wouldnt say no to some of your gingerbread Jaq either.

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Strugglingmum

Well done Jaq

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Flo

:(party): well done Jaq great result!.....
If anyone wants the recipe of the boozy balls there's still time to make them! It's very easy.

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Jaquaia (23-12-20)

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## Jaquaia

Angie I don't like rum either!

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## Angie

Erm am not sure what else brandy maybe?

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## Jaquaia

Ewww!!!!

Can you tell I'm not really a drinker?  :(giggle):

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## Stella180

Disaronno  :O:

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## Angie

Lol yup, I rarely drink but when I do I do lol I only like shorts though apart from Gin yuk!

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## Jaquaia

May have to try it woth disaronno!

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## Jaquaia

Gingerbread fudge made and chilling in the fridge
 Our house smells amazing!!!

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## Flo

> Ewww!!!!
> 
> Can you tell I'm not really a drinker?


You'd be no good on a pub crawl!! You can do the driving!! I've probably spilt more down me cardie than you've put down yer throat...Hic!!  :(rofl):

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## Paula

I make it a point to always go to the pub with someone who doesnt drink .....  :O:

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## Stella180

I was always the designated driver for years. Now I have to get a taxi. There is no justice in this world.

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## Jaquaia

I'm actually not bad! When I go to the dinner I get through a couple of pints, a full bottle of wine and several sambuca shots and still go to bed sober! 

And I'd do the driving Flo but I've not passed my test!  :(giggle): 

Gingerbread fudge tastes lovely! Very rich though!

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Suzi (23-12-20)

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## Suzi

Hooray! Sounds like you've had fun with the baking and stuff. It's good to see you loving things again love.

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## Jaquaia

I've got T's birthday cake to make tomorrow and I'm going to cook a lot of the food but I have enjoyed it. 

I've even asked J for help tomorrow!!!

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## Suzi

You're amazing! I'm shocked you've asked for help, but very impressed!

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## Flo

All that baking? Lovely...I find it very therapeutic. You've done well...you'll enjoy baking T's cake especially with help from J. They're very lucky to have you. It's going to be their best Christmas ever! Hairy Berry would be impressed! :(y):

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## Strugglingmum

More baking here today too. Mince pies, sponge for trifle and a steamed sponge pudding for tomorrow  ........ oh and 'that damn jumper' to finish.

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## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you today?

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## Jaquaia

I love baking, always have, I just can't always focus on it so I'm enjoying it while I can  :):  

Hope you get the jumper finished SM!

Suzi, tired and achey but knew I would be hence me asking for help from J. 

Oh and 75 on my literature review  :(party):

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Stella180 (24-12-20)

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## Paula

:(party):

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## Flo

It's all happening in the DWD kitchen! It all sounds scrummy! Have a great day.

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## Suzi

Well done on the review! That's brilliant! 

I'm glad you've asked for help.

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## Jaquaia

Not actually started anything yet as I went to top up my mums meds and tale my parents presents and Christmas cake! So lunch first then baking.

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## Stella180

How are the ‘rents?

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## Suzi

Glad it sounds like you are pacing a bit too!

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## Jaquaia

> How are the ‘rents?


Not too bad! My dad was complaining that his turkey wasn't ready!  :(giggle): 




> Glad it sounds like you are pacing a bit too!


A bit. We've done gingerbread and T's cake is ready to go in. The plan is to get everything done that we need to get done then watch It's a Wonderful Life

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## Paula

And what gingerbread!!!

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## Jaquaia

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl): 

It made him happy!  :(giggle):

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## Suzi

You're amazing!

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## Jaquaia

Nah. Feel like an ungrateful cow at the moment! My friend asked a week or 2 before my birthday what books I would like for my birthday and Christmas so I asked for the new Hunger Games book and anything by Brandon Sanderson. His package arrived a couple of days ago in a state so the postie handed it over in a plastic bag. Just sat and sorted presents out and the paper moved and I spotted the author. I have all of his books and have had them around 10 years, hence me not mentioning him! Why ask me what authors I would like if you're going to ignore me, especially knowing how many books I have!?!

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## Suzi

Oh, can you change them at all?

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## Mira

I read your post but I have to side with Suzi. You are amazing. I remember going to a birthday party from a co worker. And he asked me before what I drank. So I told him a dutch alcoholic beverage with coke. He said oh bacardi? So I said no. I get massive headaches from that. And when I got there. He came to me and said I got you bacardi haha. Did that make me ungrateful? Nope. Made him inconsiderate.

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Jaquaia (24-12-20),Stella180 (24-12-20)

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## Jaquaia

I don't know where he got them from.

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## Suzi

Could J subtly find out?

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## Jaquaia

He'd want to know why. This is why I suggested Brandon Sanderson as I don't have anything by him and I know I'm hard to buy for when it comes to books. It's why I have an app with them all on as I can't remember what I have! And even then I forget as my to read books aren't on there. I know I sound ungrateful but I can't see why he asked me if he wasn't going to listen.

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## Paula

Maybe he forgot what you said?

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## Jaquaia

It was via text so he could have checked back. I just feel guilty and frustrated that he's pretty much wasted his money. And he's going to be excited about me liking my present so I'm going to have to lie to him too as saying I've already got them will upset him. But then me not being truthful will probably upset him too so what the hell do I do??

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## Stella180

Tell the truth. It’s cool you can arrange to exchange them.

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## Paula

Ah, yes, a text should have been good enough... I dont know the answer to your question, though I dont think Im as brave as Stella

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## Stella180

I think it’s disrespectful not to mention it. If this person thinks they’ve done right by you they would be gutted to have got it wrong and want to put it right. Give them that chance.

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## Jaquaia

Finally finished my birthday present!!!

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## Suzi

Well done!!!

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Jaquaia (27-12-20)

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## Paula

Gorgeous!

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Jaquaia (27-12-20)

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## Strugglingmum

That looks fab Jaq. Well done

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Jaquaia (27-12-20)

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## Flo

It's gorgeous Jaq!

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Jaquaia (27-12-20)

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## Suzi

Morning love, how are you?

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## Jaquaia

Truthfully? I don't know. My sister posted on her fb yesterday about having Christmas dinner with her partners sister over zoom and opening presents with my mum and dad at her house and my brother on zoom and I was left out. I hate video calls but I would have done it Christmas Day but nothing was even mentioned to me so feeling very much like an outsider. And feeling very uncomfortable with just how much his mum and dad bought me for Christmas. That might sound ridiculous but I would have been over the moon with a fraction of what they bought me and I don't quite know how to process it.

----------


## Suzi

Wow, that's really tough re Christmas. I totally understand as I'm the one who's always left out too. Have you told your parents how much it hurt you? 
What did they get you? Could it be that they just wanted to spoil you as you've changed so much for their son and grandchildren?

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Jaquaia

I didn't. Probably should though.

Where do I start???

The first 4 books in the Strike series by Robert Galbraith
The first 6 books in the Rivers of London
A Brandon Sanderson trilogy
A freshwater pearl bracelet
A pair of freshwater pearl studs
A pair of lapis lazuli studs
A handmade glass vase
Turkish delight 
Jelly babies
Cookbook

And J said it's because they don't want me to feel left out with having less than him. They used to do the same with Cruella.

----------


## Paula

> And J said it's because they don't want me to feel left out with having less than him. They used to do the same with Cruella.


Im afraid I did the same with Dom - I just felt guilty not doing the same for him as I did for Katie. He was a bit shocked, I think, as his family dont really do Christmas. Maybe next year I should do less for Katie rather than more for Dom... Mind you, I also did way too much for Si, he was a wee bit cross. 

I love, both the Strike and Rivers of London series, enjoy!

----------


## Jaquaia

I just found it weird. He's their son, I'm not even their daughter-in-law yet. I would expect him to get more. Possibly down to upbringing I suppose.

----------


## Paula

To me, Dom and Katie might not be married, but theyre living together and therefore are married in all but the paperwork  :O:

----------

Jaquaia (27-12-20)

----------


## Suzi

Ahh, you see Marc's parents don't really do presents for adults, so we got a bottle of wine each, but my Mum always gets me more than Marc which has always made me feel really uncomfortable. I can see why you're uncomfortable... 

WRT your parents are you going to tell them, or ignore it because it's the easier thing to do?

----------


## Jaquaia

I suppose it's all down to what we're used to really! 

Suzi, I have no idea what you mean...

----------


## Suzi

So, going to ignore it and the fact that it hurt you to make things easier then huh?

----------


## Jaquaia

My sister is like Cruella at times, it's always everyone elses fault.

----------


## Suzi

Ahhh, I see... Although it's still worth mentioning to your Mum? Your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

----------


## Paula

If you were my daughter, Id want to know if I hurt you, even if it was unintentional

----------


## Jaquaia

It's not my mum as she doesn't get zoom or any of the online calling stuff really.

----------


## Paula

Ah, ok

----------


## Suzi

But maybe she could suggest that you are included next time or something?

----------


## Jaquaia

Maybe.

Just been out for a 2 and a half hour walk. I ache, my ankles are a little swollen but I feel so much better mentally. Yesterday was a bit "meh"

----------


## Suzi

Why was it "meh"?

----------


## Mira

Yeah why meh? And remember, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth  :): 

And not just for me or Suzi or anyone. But also for yourself. 

I hope that even on the meh day there was a spark of joy or a good laugh.

----------

Paula (28-12-20),Suzi (28-12-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

No idea why, I just felt really apathetic, couldn't focus on anything or be bothered with anything.

----------


## Mira

I know what you mean, I had that yesterday. I could not get out of bed and only managed in the evening. But if its a day then its ok. Hope you are doing better now?

----------


## Suzi

Could it be the aftermath of Christmas? Getting everything right for everyone etc? The emotional responses to everything?

----------


## Jaquaia

Mostly better Mira. Possibly Suzi. 

This is just outside the village. We didn't see a soul on this stretch! Ended up walking about 4 and a half miles.

----------


## Flo

That's a lovely photo Jaq. It's very pretty where you are isn't it?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's gorgeous here, we're right on the edge of the Yorkshire Wolds here.

This is the old railway line 


To the left as you enter the village


And the village church where we're hoping to marry

----------


## Suzi

Such lovely photos! What a beautiful Church!

----------


## Flo

Wow! I love old churches I love reading the grave stones!! I also love the insides of them and try and picture them full of people in days gone by. You have wonderful countryside like us. Do you get many foxes? In January they start mating and the screaming/screeching sound they make at night is quite spooky! We sometimes leave cat food out for the hedgehogs...bless em!

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing lovely?

----------


## Jaquaia

Flo, not seen any yet but I can often hear owls on a night!

Suzi, I'm ok. The in laws popped round with some flowers for me earlier which was a nice surprise!

The green vase is my Christmas present from the in-laws. 

It's also totm which might explain the meh day the other day. Done a bit of a top up shop and played with Lego with A and not done much else.

----------


## Suzi

It's a beautiful vase! Nice of them to pop round with flowers!

----------


## Flo

Lovely vase and flowers...it looks like a vase that you could have a 'garden in a bottle' in! but you're too young to remember them I expect. But I can also see a Terry's chocolate orange!!!

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are you?

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## Paula

Gorgeous colour vase

----------


## Jaquaia

> Morning love, how are you?


Tired. The plan is lego with A, doctors with J then uni work.




> Gorgeous colour vase


It's absolutely lovely and goes fab with the living room!

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad it sounds like you're going to be pacing...

----------


## Paula

How was Js appt?

----------


## Flo

I love Lego!.....the price of it these days though is phenomenal. Hope J got on ok. Have a nice evening.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope you're feeling a bit easier this evening. Great up you have been so busy recently

----------


## Jaquaia

J is on a 24 hour blood pressure monitor as it was high again and as they think it's anxiety and 'white coat syndrome' rather than an actual issue with his blood pressure, they figured this would get results quickly so he can get back to work. They stuck white coat syndrome in his records so others who look after him are aware and were also brilliant about letting me go in with him to keep him calm. Didn't quite go to plan but was still better than in his medical. 

Uni work now!

----------


## Suzi

I have that too... Anyone asks about taking my bp and it rockets!  I've found mindfulness really, really helpful.

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't know what to do. His mood is really low, he feels like a failure and he's worrying about money. Everytime the monitor goes to take a reading it sets his anxiety off which increases his blood pressure and it's just one big vicious circle at the moment

----------


## Paula

If it isnt white coat syndrome (and thats a big if) and he needs medication, does that affect his job?

----------


## Flo

Have you got a BP monitor of your own? If not, I suggest you get one. Ian had his taken by nurse last month and it rocketed, so was sent home with a 7 day BP reading form.I took it am and pm and he was fine and BP normal. I've worn a BP monitor 3 times...you know the ones...you go to bed and it's like being attacked by an octopus...and the damn things fall off. Little or no sleep. But, they turn off for a few hours. If I had a fiver for everyone I know who's bp rockets in surgery setting I'd be a wealthy woman! Ever since I bought one I've been ok.

----------


## Jaquaia

> If it isn’t white coat syndrome (and that’s a big if) and he needs medication, does that affect his job?


Yes, he'd need to get it okay'd be the duty pharmacist before they'd even let him back in the box.




> Have you got a BP monitor of your own? If not, I suggest you get one. Ian had his taken by nurse last month and it rocketed, so was sent home with a 7 day BP reading form.I took it am and pm and he was fine and BP normal. I've worn a BP monitor 3 times...you know the ones...you go to bed and it's like being attacked by an octopus...and the damn things fall off. Little or no sleep. But, they turn off for a few hours. If I had a fiver for everyone I know who's bp rockets in surgery setting I'd be a wealthy woman! Ever since I bought one I've been ok.


We bought one on the recommendation of the receptionist when he first rang for an appointment and his blood pressure has been fine!

----------


## Paula

Could he use your one and take photos of the readings to prove things?

----------


## Jaquaia

The surgery gave us the form for the 7 day readings but thought this might get him back to work quicker. He's back this afternoon so we'll see what it says then.

----------


## Suzi

The one I was sent home with took my bp every 20 minutes for 24 hours. I hope his comes back fine. 

What are you up to today? How's the uni ork going?

----------


## Paula

Uni ork? Is Jaq studying in Mordor?  :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

Haha, that was quick for you Paula. Geek.

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Paula (31-12-20)

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  I had a Christmas tree needle stuck under my w key!!

----------


## Jaquaia

:(rofl): 

This one takes his bp every 30 minutes during the day and every hour during the night. He's back today to get it off but he's had so many error codes and a few high readings that I'm not sure it will be ok.

----------


## Stella180

They are a pita. I hated having one on.

----------


## Jaquaia

He's had to take it off now, it started making his arm go purple and numb

----------


## Flo

They really are a pita!.....poor J. The very fact that people have to wear those contraptions is enough to raise BP. You'd think in this day and age with the technology we have that someone could design something a bit more comfortable!

----------


## Jaquaia

He's in a bit of a state now and his mood is on the floor. I've rung and spoken to his dad and let him know just how low he is at the moment and explained anxiety how my psych nurse explained it to me, so hopefully they understand a bit more , even if they don't know how it feels.

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (31-12-20)

----------


## Paula

Oh, bless him, what a nightmare  :Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (31-12-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

His dad has just popped across to check on him and brought him some chocolate too. I'm glad he listened when I told him that asking him how he was and little treats would help a little. He seems a little brighter at least.

----------


## Suzi

Well done for getting through to his dad, that's brilliant. I'm sorry he's in such a state atm, it's horrible seeing someone you love like that...

----------


## Jaquaia

It really is. He's worried he's on the verge of a breakdown so trying to look after him as much as I can. Getting back to work will help him but this medical has thrown a huge spanner in the works. It doesn't help that it's cost him over a grand in extra wages...

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## Stella180

When does to get the results of the BP monitoring?

----------


## Suzi

Oh bless him. Can you try focussing on things that he likes? Build a giant railway track or something? Help him to focus on the positives and the basics?

----------


## Jaquaia

They said in the next couple of days but just realised tomorrow is New Years Day...

He's been in the workshop off and on all day. Probably the best thing for him at the moment

----------


## Suzi

If you ever need to talk then I've lived with Marc through everything...

----------


## Jaquaia

Thank you. I think it helps that I've been there myself and understand how it feels, but it's completely different when I'm the one doing the supporting. I want to make everything better but I can't and I don't like it.

----------


## Suzi

I totally understand that one! I'm a "fixer" too...

----------


## Stella180

Yep, another fixer here too

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## Jaquaia

Not even 24 hours into the New Year and already had extreme sarcasm from J! All I said was I should have asked him for help with the bread as my hand was hurting and I didn't as I'm stubborn!

"Stubborn? You??? Really???"

Just rude!

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  Sounds as helpful as my Boys - I burnt my fingers and I've had lots of stupid comments! 

Can you rest your hand?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's the joint right at the bottom of my thumb so it hurts when I grip. I don't know if it's RA related or not. Our house smells of fresh bread now though!

----------


## Suzi

OOO I have similar pains and hate it! 
Marc bought me a breadmaker for Christmas so I can make my own gluten free bread! Otherwise I used a mixer to make the dough - or Ben! He makes amazing bread!

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## Jaquaia

This is just a bread mix from Asda, it's gorgeous! But you're supposed to knead it for 5 minutes. I may have to try the bread hook on my mixer if my hands hurt next time I do it.

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## Strugglingmum

Love my bread maker but I also love doing it by hand and taking my agitation out on the dough kneading it.

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## Paula

Theres something in the air - Si has been giving me lots of aggro for not letting Katie walk Jax yesterday...

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## Suzi

Lol!!!

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## Jaquaia

Ok, I've resorted to my compression gloves and J has suggested me sleeping in them as my hands are swollen. He's said we can get me some coloured ones though so they look less medical so he's awesome.

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## Paula

So, will you please try not to overdo it tomorrow?

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## Jaquaia

Mainly studying tomorrow, need to start essay writing, but J has already given me my orders!

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## Suzi

How are you today? Pacing? Being gentle with yourself?

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## Jaquaia

I'm ok, tired but had lots of hugs from A.

----------


## Suzi

Glad you're having love from A! How's T? J?

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## Jaquaia

J is low and exhausted. T's mood isn't great and it's been affecting his behaviour but he finally told us last night and is doing miles better so far. Though that could also be due to the threat of gravy on his dinner...

Just put a travel cot together for A that we bought her for Christmas and ended up in trouble with J as my hands are hurting.

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## Paula

Im not going to comment on the travel cot as I suspect Id be called a hypocrite today lol. What happened with Js BP?

----------


## Jaquaia

He needs to ring Monday for results

----------


## Suzi

What's up with T? 

Travel cot? Really? Definitely siding with J on this one....

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## Jaquaia

Put it on my other thread. 

It's a doll sized one! I didn't think it will be so difficult!

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Suzi (03-01-21)

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## Suzi

Ahh the small and fiddly type lol

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## Jaquaia

Ok, I confess that J has made me take pain relief, I've dug out my self-heating compression gloves as my hands often feel cold at the moment and I have a massive headache behind my eye which is making me feel sick so possible migraine too. Even had to get J to undo my bra, not that he complained much about that... Even A when J told her to be gentle as my hands were hurting started offering me her teddies to snuggle. 

Having to battle through though as have an essay to write... so plan is to do the easy bit tonight, get a good nights sleep and then spend 2 days focused on it.

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## Suzi

Awww!!! I love that A is trying to help too! Although I'm somewhat gobsmacked that you're asking for and accepting help!!!!!

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## Jaquaia

Hey I can just log out of here if you lot start nagging me and ignore you. I live with J so it's not that easy and I'm too stiff to keep ducking when he goes to clip me around the ear for not asking for help!!!  :P:

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## Paula

Do you not take regular pain relief?

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## Stella180

She’s a northerner. Tough as nails up there. Lol

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope things are easier today. X

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Jaquaia (04-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

How are you today?

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## Jaquaia

> Do you not take regular pain relief?


I don't generally need it as it's generally well managed. I think the cold has kicked this off.




> She’s a northerner. Tough as nails up there. Lol


Exactly!!!  :O: 




> How are you today?


Headache seems to have gone but my hands are still achey and stiff

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## Suzi

Are you going to be kind and gentle as possible to yourself today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I have to do this essay as it's due tomorrow but not going to do much more than that.

----------


## Paula

Hows the studies going?

----------


## Flo

> I have to do this essay as it's due tomorrow but not going to do much more than that.


You're always doing essays!! Are you studying full time? :(think):

----------


## Jaquaia

> How’s the studies going?


Slowly. A bit behind but getting there mostly.




> You're always doing essays!! Are you studying full time?


Yes. Though considering deferring one module.

----------


## Suzi

Are you able to pace it bit by bit to give your hands a break every now and again....

----------


## Jaquaia

Trying to!

----------


## Suzi

Have you managed it?

----------


## Jaquaia

Sort of. Need to do a bit less resting and a bit more writing though!!!

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Can you ask for an extension?

----------


## Jaquaia

A bit late now as it's due tomorrow. Still, nearly a third of the way through and can use the 12 hour grace period so it may not be my finest work but I'll have something to hand in at least.

----------


## Suzi

You'll do brilliantly love.

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Jaquaia (05-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Fingers crossed! Or I'd cross them if it didn't hurt anyway!

----------


## Strugglingmum

> A bit late now as it's due tomorrow. Still, nearly a third of the way through and can use the 12 hour grace period so it may not be my finest work but I'll have something to hand in at least.


I just know you'll get it done.....and ace it as usual!

----------

Jaquaia (05-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Only just woken up so think it's safe to say that fatigue has kicked in. Wrists are stiff and hands are feeling a little weak but typing is a bit easier than writing so should be ok.

----------


## Suzi

Do you know what's caused the flare? Do you need to speak to the pheumy nurse?

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Jaquaia

Probably the cold. We're a good degree colder here than in Hull and it's making a bit of a difference. Plus it's a cold house too which won't be helping. As long as I keep warm I'll be fine

----------


## Suzi

Can you do more to get warmer? Heating etc?

----------


## Jaquaia

Heating isn't that effective downstairs, and to help that matter, we got up to find the boiler is leaking!

----------


## Mira

Thats terrible. But then please find some other ways to keep warm. Extra blanket. A comfy cuddle. Being cold is already worthless but if you are tired and you have pain its even worse.

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Jaquaia (05-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

This isn't going to well. I have 220 words left to discuss gender, age and intersectionality in regards to a case study. Ideally I need to edit race down massively and discuss class a bit more and just argh!!!

I indirectly bollocked the occupational health doctor who just rang J for being bloody rude and constantly talking over him! He heard me as he started shutting up until J had finished talking. Still not fit for duty as blood pressure... so he's angry and deflated and feeling low. 

Oh and Cruella wants the children to go to school because of her working, not that she actually bothered with homeschooling last time but then they're asking for work back this time. J has agreed as we both feel that it will help T as he hates being at his mothers anyway, and A needs the structure. She's come on so far with her reading and writing in just a term, to the extent that J had to message her teacher and ask for harder reading books, and it would be a shame for her to go backwards. 

And my fingers are freezing but I can't type wearing the warm compression gloves, the joggers that actually fit me (though are a little big already) have chocolate all over the arse because of children so having to wear too big clothes... only about 6 inches away from being able to tie the waistband behind me! The guttering is leaking and stripping the paint off the decking and we can't get it done at the moment due to how much money J has lost due to this debacle. Oh and not forgetting we woke up to the boiler leaking and the first British Gas can get to service it is the 26th. 

Too early for bed?

----------


## Suzi

It's a shame they couldn't be with you for their home learning! How come they can go to school? Is she a key worker? According to the rules both parents have to be key workers or the children to be vulnerable to be allowed in? 

Oh no! What a nightmare about the clothes and the boiler! Bugger! 

Sorry J can't go back yet, I'm glad you stuck up for him with the OH person! It's good he's got you!

----------


## Jaquaia

Apparently she is a key worker, it will probably be better for both children but time will tell. 

I'm 200 words over my limit so have a lot of editing to do this evening and my references, but I have something to submit which I hope is half decent.

----------


## Flo

> Apparently she is a key worker, it will probably be better for both children but time will tell. 
> 
> I'm 200 words over my limit so have a lot of editing to do this evening and my references, but I have something to submit which I hope is half decent.


Anyone told you you're a clever old thing? :(nod):

----------


## Paula

Is J allowed to be given bp meds and still do his job? I know youve said in the past some meds are not allowed....

----------


## Jaquaia

1631! Taking full advantage of the 10% leeway! 

Nah Flo. Studying 2 level 3 modules at the same time? Not sure that's clever!

Paula, he probably can. It would have to go to the duty pharmacist and he may have to be accompanied for a week or so, he's just really resentful that he may have to take meds for something he knows isn't an issue, and I'd agree with him as his BP isn't an issue at home. I've pointed out though that his anxiety has caused issues and maybe that needs to be medicated for a little while. I've also pointed out that the anxiety meds they're likely to give him, propranolol, are also for blood pressure so may lower it enough to get him back to work.

----------

Stella180 (05-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Well done for getting the essay done! 

Are you resting tomorrow?

----------


## Jaquaia

Getting a shop out of the way, going to do a couple of hours studying just to get on top of things, and we're going to go for a nice long walk. I might be knackered afterwards but it makes me feel pretty good mentally, especially as 3 years ago I struggled to walk 350m but can manage 4 and a half miles now

----------

Stella180 (05-01-21),Strugglingmum (05-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad you love going for the walks. It's so good for both of you!

----------


## Jaquaia

J has asked a few times as he said it really helps his head, but I've been so snowed under prepping for this assignment. Going to try and get up early to get shopping sorted then just spend some time together outdoors. We're going to get an OS map too and explore some of the other public footpaths too.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds lovely! Take a picnic? Or a flask of tea?!

----------


## Jaquaia

It would be hot chocolate for us!

----------


## Suzi

OO that's a fab plan! And a picnic blanket too!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sounds lovely.  I love a hot chocolate too. X

----------


## Paula

Could you get your shopping online?

----------


## Jaquaia

We use Lidl. It's not too bad really, the one in Beverley is out the way a bit and is fairly quiet.

Need to add marshmallows to the list for hot chocolate!

----------

Paula (05-01-21)

----------


## Stella180

Don’t forget your squirty cream

----------


## Jaquaia

The kids don't have it! Going to get some for myself though I think!

----------


## Mira

You should. A treat is truly something you deserve. Doing all that work yesterday and still finding time to reply to others here and be so nice and caring.

I hope you stayed nice and warm and had a good night sleep  :Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (06-01-21),Suzi (06-01-21)

----------


## Flo

We shop at Lidl all the time...they have such lovely hams, cheeses and all sorts of foreign goodies. They've won awards for all sorts of things. I use their baby marshmallows for the shop's Rock Road, in fact everything for RR is from them. Hope you enjoyed your HC.

----------


## Suzi

Morning love! Hope your shopping trip is quiet and easy  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

Fingers crossed! We're on a go slow this morning so not even had breakfast yet!

Flo, their edam is lactose free so I can actually eat it! It made me more excited than it should have when I realised!  :(giggle): 

Thanks Mira

----------


## Strugglingmum

Have a good day......stay warm!!

----------

Jaquaia (06-01-21)

----------


## Flo

I really don't know what to say Jaq!! :(rofl): ......that's a first!

----------


## Jaquaia

:(giggle): 

Shopping all done and put away, freezer filled up, cupboards filled up and it will be top up shops for the rest of the month. Been amused by Toby since we got back! Daft cat attacked his own tail!

----------


## Mira

I always love it when cats do that haha. You come across a bit better? Did get some goot chores out the way.

----------


## Jaquaia

Just the shopping and the washing. We're going for a walk tomorrow now instead so sat watching The Mentalist.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like a good plan!

----------


## Jaquaia

Jelly babies whilst studying is dangerous!

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):  I always use lollipops! Sugar free ones are fab for a shout shift!

----------


## Jaquaia

I've got through loads of work! But I've also gotten through loads of jelly babies...

----------


## Suzi

Well done love!

----------


## Jaquaia

Good job we're going for a long walk tomorrow!!!

----------


## Flo

What colour jelly babies are your favourite? Mine are the little black black currant ones....but they have to be boy jelly babies cos they have more on them! :(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

That was J's excuse for making gingerbread ladies with massive boobs!  :(rofl): 

I hate the black ones so I eat them with a different one at the same time. I can't stand blackcurrant!

----------


## Paula

How can you hate blackcurrant??

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't like the taste and I also think it's partly psychological, as my mum gave us apple and blackcurrant pie when I was 4 or 5 and I ended up throwing up, and being sick when you're that age and everything was dark red... Refused to eat/drink it since. I've only just started eating black jelly babies, I used to give all my blackcurrant sweets to my mum!

----------


## Paula

Fair enough, vomiting something up tends to have that effect on me too  :O:

----------


## Stella180

I’m guessing neither of you eat carrots then?

----------


## Jaquaia

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl): 

Barely cooked carrots, and before I moved in with J, only raw carrots! They taste vile once they've seen heat!

----------


## Stella180

Absolutely agree with cooked carrots, they lose all their flavour. Gimma a raw carrot any day. My mum used to sometimes save a raw carrot when cooking Sunday lunch cos I wouldn’t eat them cooked, and put that with my dinner. I’d actually forgotten that til now.

----------


## Jaquaia

My mum did the same! And my nana. J has bags that go in the microwave and we do carrots for 3 minutes. They're hot but taste like raw carrots. It's the only way I can eat them.

----------


## Stella180

Tightly steamed carrots is at close as I get to cooked carrots and they retain their crunch.

----------


## Suzi

Crash isn't fussy about how he gets his carrots lol

----------


## Flo

Wadya mean you don't like the black currant ones?? Post them to me and I'll send you the green ones!
I can't eat raw carrots...I can't get rid of them! I grind them to a pulp then spit them out...ewww....isn't it odd that when you throw up there's always a bit of carrot in it? even if you haven't had carrots! My mum used to try and make me eat marrow...it made me throw up like you did....now I can't eat melon, courgette or aubergine..the texture makes me heave! so do tomatoes that are too ripe....bleugh!

----------


## Stella180

I love marrow, not had it in years though.

----------


## Jaquaia

Deal Flo! I've never tried marrow, never fancied it! Me and A are going to try and grow marrow and French beans this year!

----------

Stella180 (07-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

I love it too, stuffed marrow is really nom! We grew marrows when F was little. She adored it! And they all loved courgettes too so we didn't have many marrows by the time they'd picked them!

----------


## Jaquaia

When I said grow marrow I actually meant grow squash...

4 and a half mile walk in the cold has obviously affected my brain!!!

----------


## Suzi

OOO I've tried pumpkin, but not other types of squash...

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't know what kind of squash it is, just a small green one.

Oh and J can go back to work! His GP said his blood pressure is a little higher than she'd like but she has no concerns due to everything he's had going on. He has to be signed off by occupational health but he should be back at work on Wednesday!

----------

Stella180 (07-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

That's fantastic news! Well done J!

----------

Jaquaia (07-01-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

So pleased for J!!

----------

Jaquaia (07-01-21)

----------


## Stella180

Great news. I bet he can’t wait to get back to it.

----------

Jaquaia (07-01-21)

----------


## Flo

That's great about J...he'll feel much better when he's back at work. Can we talk about potatoes instead? I'm starting to feel a tad bilious!!
 :(:

----------


## Paula

Thats fantastic news!

----------


## Jaquaia

How about double lollies Flo??

----------


## Jaquaia

Ok, I meant to study but ended up doing a unicorn scratch picture for A instead! They're happy to be home, A was fast asleep before I went back in for the extra hugs she asked for.

I have my blood test and smear tomorrow so wish me luck!

----------


## Paula

Will be thinking of you, love  :Panda: , what time?

----------


## Jaquaia

11. The nurse is doing both in the same appointment. Hopefully she won't get mixed up with what goes where!  :(giggle):

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

That could be awkward lol

----------


## Flo

Good luck for today Jaq......I can do double lollies!..ermm....what are double lollies? :(think):

----------


## Jaquaia

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002YZL5...ing=UTF8&psc=1

----------


## Suzi

Hope the tests go OK. Well done for going for your smear!

----------


## Jaquaia

All done. It wasn't as bad as I thought but then it never is, but it definitely helped that the nurse was lovely. 

The car won't start now though...

----------

Suzi (08-01-21)

----------


## Stella180

Oh dear? The MG not a fan of the cold weather? Gotta is it even my dirty diesel with its heavy duty battery has felt the strain this week but managed to start.

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! Do you know what's up with it? Are you at home?

----------


## Mira

Oh thats so bad. When you try and start, does it feel like the battery is empty. Does it seem like the engine is flooded?

----------


## Jaquaia

We got home about 1. Apparently it was something simple like some corrosion between bits something something starter motor something something but fine to drive now. 

Yeah I don't do technical!

----------


## Mira

Sorry, did not mean to imply something bad. Glad its sorted.

----------


## Jaquaia

Sorry Mira, didn't see your reply! It did nothing, didn't even try to turn over. Really simple fix though and something J can keep an eye on himself.

----------


## Suzi

Glad it's sorted love!

----------


## Jaquaia

Me too though we've both had enough today. Had to have an emergency callout with British Gas as the boiler is leaking too. We've gone through all our spare towels! So until the technician gets a part, hopefully tomorrow morning, we have no hot water. Oh and that callout was hard to get as they're on a 5 day strike and only providing emergency callouts!

----------


## Suzi

Oh bugger! But with children and you with a disability they should count you as emergency..

----------


## Jaquaia

We were. But he needs to get a part so it will be tomorrow morning. At least we're not leaking everywhere

----------


## Suzi

That's a complete pita isn't it? Glad they're sorting it though...

----------


## Paula

Oh no!

----------


## Stella180

At least you know he’ll be back to sort it out quickly. Have you got the home care or signing up for it now? I think it’s £99 repair if you sign up to the insurance.

----------


## Paula

Are you signed up to your energy providers priority services register. You should be eligible, especially with your hands (although mine also considers mental health as eligible)

----------


## Jaquaia

Home care I think Stella. Not sure as J sorted it. 

Paula, I hadn't considered that! British Gas website says disability or long term illness so I'll get J to enquire.

----------


## Paula

I spoke to mine the other day- they had loads of eligible categories (I was eligible in 7 categories but well breeze past that... :O: )

----------


## Stella180

I’m not sure of every category. Can’t remember but I know I tick at least two.

----------


## Jaquaia

I possibly tick 1

----------


## Paula

That makes me feel like Im falling apart  :(giggle):

----------


## Stella180

https://utilita.co.uk/help/priority-services-register

According to this I definitely can tick 3 possibly 4

----------


## Flo

Hope something can be done about your boiler today. It should be made illegal to strike in this weather, rotten so n so's.

----------


## Jaquaia

2 on utilita's list, 3 in a flare!!

----------


## Paula

> Hope something can be done about your boiler today. It should be made illegal to strike in this weather, rotten so n so's.


What really  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: es me off about the strike over pay - 5000 of their colleagues were made redundant last year (inc Si) but this lot kept their jobs.......

----------


## Jaquaia

Boiler man is here, fingers crossed for heat soon! And breakfast! Breakfast would be good.

----------


## Suzi

Hope it's fixed by now! 
Interesting list for the PSR - we tick about 5/6...

----------


## Jaquaia

Still here. Heard some muttered cursing... still bloody freezing!!!

----------


## Suzi

Sending warm hugs! Can you wrap yourselves in blankets?

----------


## Jaquaia

We're in thick socks and hoodies at the moment. Not even had breakfast as he's been here since a little after 9, though got the kids sorted at least

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! How much longer are they going to be do you think?

----------


## Jaquaia

Hopefully not too much longer as I can't feel my fingers!!!

----------


## Suzi

Do you have heat yet?

----------


## Jaquaia

We do! We have another leak on the boiler though and the part is obsolete, so an option is for us to source it ourself and they'll come and fit it  and give us the money back.

----------


## Suzi

Oh hooray for heat! Hope the part is easily sourced...

----------

Jaquaia (09-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

We think we've got one!

----------


## Flo

Pleased you have heat! Probably the coldest it's been for years where you are.....hope you get it properly sorted soon.

----------

Jaquaia (09-01-21)

----------


## Paula

> We think we've got one!


Phew!

----------

Jaquaia (09-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

> Pleased you have heat! Probably the coldest it's been for years where you are.....hope you get it properly sorted soon.


We're right on the edge of the Yorkshire Wolds too, and more or less out in the open country so it feels much colder than Hull.

----------


## Suzi

Glad you've got it sorted...

----------


## Jaquaia

I've been wearing a hoodie most of the day with the sleeves over my hands. In fact, I wore my too big hoodie, and it's big to the extent that A can get in it with me and there's still a little room!

----------


## Stella180

I would be happy to be it trackies hoodie and slippers but a certain 4 legged creature was sat shivering so had to put the heating on.

----------


## Jaquaia

She likes her comforts!  :(giggle):

----------


## Stella180

I’m not into dresses dogs up but I’m so tempt to buy her a puppy jumper to save me putting the heating on all the time lol

----------


## Suzi

Aw bless her!

----------


## Stella180

It seem she is an awkward size. Anyone wanna knit/crochet a custom doggy jumper for the diva dog?

----------


## Paula

Ffs woman! Its the 21st century, if its freezing out there, put the friggin heating on!

----------


## Stella180

But it gets too hot for me. I like the cold, she likes the heat.

----------


## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you doing today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired. On a go slow today. The plan had been to start painting A's bedroom but J has said no and he'd much rather I rest...

----------


## Paula

J is a sensible man. You should listen to him :(giggle):

----------


## Jaquaia

I showed him that and he looks so smug!

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

J is definitely right. It's about time you listened to someone....

----------


## Jaquaia

Well we ended up popping out for some bits we needed and then we sorted some of the kids toys so we could get Christmas presents put away. By kids, I mean A's as I've been asking T to tidy his room for months so his have been taken up and dumped in a stack on the floor!

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! 
Have you actually managed to rest at all?

----------


## Jaquaia

I've spent some time just sat with J. I did cook tea as we fancied yorkshire pudding, but sat now and watched an episode of the Mentalist. Going to do a bit of uni work then settle and read for a little while.

----------


## Suzi

OO I haven't had a yorkshire pud in ages! I'll add that to my list of things I want to eat this week. It can join the very definite urge I have for crumble and custard!

----------


## Jaquaia

I end up making them fairly regularly, the kids love them and J is always trying to steal more!

----------

Suzi (10-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Lol!!!

----------


## Mira

I would love to try one some day. Sounds like a real treat.

How are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's so simple! I use 8 tablespoons of plain flour, 3 eggs, salt and pepper, enough milk to make it into a thickish batter. Heat the oven to 180-200, put some fat in a deep tray and heat until smoking then pour the batter in and bake until golden brown. Don't open the oven door until it's ready. Generally takes about 40-45 minutes, less if you're making individual ones. 

I'm ok, taking it fairly easy as it's freezing here today.

----------


## Stella180

Yorkshire puds and basically a thick pancake mix.

----------


## Jaquaia

And tastes amazing with gravy!!!

----------


## Stella180

Oh absolutely! Is a Sunday roast even a Sunday roast without Yorkshire puds and lashings of gravy?

----------


## Flo

Slurp! When I lived in Sheffield, our next door neighbours used to have a big yorkshire pud with jam on it!! Never heard of that before!..much prefer gravy made from the meat juices!...now I'm starting to slobber like an old dog!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Love a good toad in the hole

----------


## Paula

> Love a good toad in the hole


Mmmmmm

----------


## Jaquaia

I use the chipolatas from Lidl in toad in the hole, they're lovely!

----------


## Flo

Haven't had toad in the hole for ages! - we used to have it at school, and we called it 'frog in the bog'! Might get Ian to make Toad in the hole...he's making a curry for tonight.

----------


## Suzi

How's your day been?

----------


## Stella180

You mentioning curry, I saw someone post online how one of her favourite meals is pasta with tikka massala sauce. It actually sound really nice so might have to try it sometime

----------


## Jaquaia

> How's your day been?


Tired, fed up and my wrist hurts

----------


## Suzi

Awww, is it worth talking to your rheumy team about your pain?

----------


## Jaquaia

It was fine until I made T's bed. I asked him to take his teddies off and he didn't so I had to stretch for them.

----------


## Stella180

Is the house a bit warmer now?

----------


## Jaquaia

It is. Too warm in some rooms!

----------


## Suzi

> It was fine until I made T's bed. I asked him to take his teddies off and he didn't so I had to stretch for them.


Maybe next time you leave it until he is home and he can do it either on his own or with you? Then he gets the consequences, but not being told off, but actually maybe if he saw how much it helped if he did x y z then he might want to do more? What you ask? Positive reinforcement maybe? Try turning the tables a bit?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm not sure it will make much difference tbh but J is ringing the drs tomorrow so hopefully we can get some support in place

----------


## Suzi

It might make things easier for all of you...

----------


## Jaquaia

Fingers crossed. We're sat discussing your idea at the moment

----------

Suzi (12-01-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope the wrists are easier today. X

----------


## Jaquaia

Thank you. They're stiff so back to compression gloves today I think. My inflammation levels have doubled from last month so there has been an issue.

----------


## Mira

When I read how your inflammation is going I find it terrible. I can relate a little as I am also prone to inflammation and at times its some of the worst pain I have experienced so far. I hope the rest of the day will be a bit better for you  :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

What about calling your rheumy team? Could you need to up your methotrexate or need some steroids or something?

----------


## Jaquaia

My mum can't get through and she's been without her biologic for 3 weeks! I'm ok, my levels aren't massively high so I can manage it!

----------


## Suzi

Wow, how come she's been without it? 
But if you could take something to make it easier, why wouldn't you?

----------


## Jaquaia

Supply issues apparently! 

I don't think it's bad enough to bother the rheumy team or need steroids but I do take ibuprofen when my levels are a bit higher than normal. I find that helps with the aching and any pain quite quickly. The cold isn't helping.

----------


## Suzi

Supply issues? Ahh, the good old "it's Brexit's fault" line? Alas, I've heard it lots of times too.... 

Just be careful, and tbh if it's causing you problems then it's definitely worth contacting them, and you definitely couldn't be a "bother" at all...

----------


## Jaquaia

I promise I will be careful. I've asked J for help to make our bed, he wouldn't even let me hoover the other day, he took the hoover off me! And I carried a bag of shopping on my forearm rather than in my hand and J wouldn't let me take any more then that! Plus he's only back at work tomorrow then it's his long weekend so it's not as if I have a lot of opportunity to get up to no good! He's a bit bossy really! Been told off loads for not drinking enough too. So I'm being good

----------


## Stella180

Being Good? I wasn’t sure those words were in your vocabulary lol

----------


## Jaquaia

I can do good!!!

----------


## Stella180

Good at not doing as your told. Good at being bad. Hehe. Nah to be fair you are good at being my friend. I’ll give you that.

----------


## Jaquaia

> Good at not doing as your told. Good at being bad. Hehe. Nah to be fair you are good at being my friend. Ill give you that.


Right back at you!




> Just be careful, and tbh if it's causing you problems then it's definitely worth contacting them, and you definitely couldn't be a "bother" at all...


Funnily enough, I've just had a phone call offering me a face to face appointment with my consultant on Saturday!

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad he's taking care of you! 
Hooray for the appointment! Be honest - and do not downplay how much pain and discomfort you've been in. Do not be a martyr...

----------


## Jaquaia

Would I???

----------


## Suzi

Erm..... ​ YES

----------


## Jaquaia

Pft!!!

----------


## Paula

Shes right, you know .....

----------


## Jaquaia

Pft!

To be honest, there hasn't been a huge amount of pain, mainly discomfort. Fatigue has been the biggest issue. And I am honest as I'm aware of how much damage it can do if not treated properly.

----------


## Suzi

Good. Make sure you are. Can J go with you?

----------


## Jaquaia

He will be as I need a chauffeur but he has to wait in the car. I'm ok on my own, my rheumy is lovely and I'm at the small hospital in Beverley instead of the big hospital in Hull so it should be fairly quiet too.

----------


## Suzi

Good. 

Morning love, how are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok, on a bit of a go slow this morning and my wrists are aching so going to take it easy today. That and J is on his long weekend and he's bossy!

----------


## Suzi

Bossy in a good way I hope...  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

Yes. I know he's only bossy because he loves me. He doesn't like seeing me in pain/discomfort as he can't fix it so he resorts to trying to make me rest.

----------


## Suzi

And that's how it should be....

----------


## Paula

Hunni, what would you say if I kept referring to how Im feeling as discomfort? Im concerned youre playing it down to yourself.....

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm not trying to play it down. It is uncomfortable but it's something I can live with. I can manage it, I just need to adjust how I do things and use the supports I've been given. I'm taking paracetamol and ibuprofen when I need to too, but heat actually helps more. And I suppose when I see the state my mum gets into with her hands wrists I don't think mine is too bad.

----------


## Suzi

That's like saying that because someone else has it worse then you're ok..... Maybe they could do something to help now if things are "uncomfortable" which in turn might prevent it from getting as bad as your Mums?

----------

Stella180 (14-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Pot meet kettle  :P: 

I think it's just a mini-flare, until this month my inflammation levels had been going steadily down. Chances are she'll increase my meds again.

----------


## Suzi

OOO get you!  :):   :(rofl):  Maybe....

----------


## Flo

Probably! :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

Definitely

----------


## Jaquaia

I think that is pretty unanimous!  :(giggle):

----------


## Jaquaia

Just checked my online records and my smear has come back clear!  :(party):

----------


## Suzi

Pfft! 

Yay for clear smear!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

I've started chapter books with A!!! Absolutely wasn't an excuse for me to start reading Roald Dahl despite having 2 books on the go!  :(angel):

----------


## Suzi

Oh yay! What book are you starting with?

----------


## Jaquaia

The Twits. I thought we'd start with the shorter ones and see how she gets on with it. Plus I love Quentin Blake's illustrations.

----------


## Suzi

Brilliant one to start with! There's so many to enjoy together!

----------


## Jaquaia

I have the full Chronicles of Narnia collection too. Her mum doesn't read bed time stories as she's "too old for them" but I think that's rubbish. So tonight we started with the normal picture books and a few chapters of a slightly older book. She also loved the Revolting Rhymes animation so I thought Roald Dahl would be a good start.

----------


## Paula

Awesome news re your smear  :): 

Horrible histories?

----------


## Jaquaia

T has those so we can certainly try them. And David Walliams and Diary of a Wimpy Kid

----------


## Flo

To old for bedtime stories? What rubbish! Jen still has bedtime stories but she reads them to Zoe instead. But it's only been a few months since Z read them to J, and she's nearly 9. I think stories help kids to relax.

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm starting Harry Potter with her when she's a little older. I wouldn't care if T came in for those!

----------


## Suzi

I love bedtime stories!

----------


## Jaquaia

Bedtime stories are awesome!

----------


## Stella180

I never had bedtime stories. Not that I can remember anyway.

----------


## Strugglingmum

I never had bedtime stories either and to be honest my kids didnt have bedtime stories either. By the time it was bedtime with the 3 of them so close in age and just quite hyper, I was done with the day..... bed = sleep. They could lie in bed and read themselves and even in the cot I gave them cloth books but I was done for the day.
However we did have at least an hour every day when we snuggled up on the couch and read books together. They took it in turns to choose a book and as they got a little older we read simple chapter books but to be honest by the time they were 7/8 they read avidly themselves and just wanted to read their own books as they had very different tastes although Michael Murpurgo in those early days was a huge hit. We used to have to go to the local library twice a week to keep up with the demand for books.

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't remember having bedtime stories either.

SM, that sounds awesome to me! 

Left hip is hurting today, don't know if I've tweaked it but keep getting a sharp pain.

----------


## Paula

Rest?

----------


## Suzi

I didn't have bedtime stories. My kids did and didn't, they're all close in age so we used to all snuggle in my bed and share a story together. One they all loved was Charlotte's Web! 

If it hurts can you pace?

----------


## Jaquaia

I've been to do my mums meds, they've upped her amitriptyline and added in baclofen so had 4 weeks to do. Is it just me who cuts their fingers on the tablet strips? 

Heading home now and will rest. J won't let me do much more!

----------


## Stella180

The edge of those packets can be like razors. It’s like a paper cut on steroids.

----------


## Suzi

Have you got a pill popper outer? 

Glad you're resting!

----------


## Jaquaia

> The edge of those packets can be like razors. It’s like a paper cut on steroids.


And then add sanitiser into the equation and it's a form of torture! 




> Have you got a pill popper outer? 
> 
> Glad you're resting!


No but it could be something I need to look into. Grabbed some bits while I was there so now have my glasses my friend did for me, my unicorn mug, my dressing gown my nana bought me and my Jane Austen set!

----------

Suzi (15-01-21)

----------


## Paula

When crps spread to my hand, Suzi recommended a pill popper outer. It makes a huge difference!

----------


## Jaquaia

I will definitely look into it. It will probably make it quicker too as it took me nearly 2 hours today.

----------


## Stella180

£2.99 on Amazon.

----------

Jaquaia (15-01-21)

----------


## Flo

> I've been to do my mums meds, they've upped her amitriptyline and added in baclofen so had 4 weeks to do. Is it just me who cuts their fingers on the tablet strips? 
> 
> Heading home now and will rest. J won't let me do much more!


Do you mean the blister packs? well they don't just pop out...I have to get my thumb nail and pierce them first. they're a pita!

----------


## Suzi

And Ami are tiny and fiddly!!

----------


## Jaquaia

My mum has just been put up to 50mg so they're a bit bigger and easier to deal with. 

Starting block 3 of my counselling module tonight. It's going to be quite tough at times, I can tell that as the first activity is self-care...

----------


## Suzi

Ahh I take 75 and they insist on only giving me the little 25s.... 

Self care? You mean, that thing you're REALLY good at?  :(rofl):   :(rofl):  Maybe it'll be good for you?

----------


## Jaquaia

I can do self-care!!!

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):  Only when you're made to!

----------


## Stella180

It’s more like guided self care lol

----------


## Paula

I didnt realise 25s were so small!

Jaq, self care, really??? Maybe I should dedicate my Thursday fb posts to Supermod extraordinaire  :(rofl):

----------

Suzi (15-01-21)

----------


## Stella180

Try quetipine. They are tiny little things as well.

----------


## Jaquaia

:P:  to all of you!!!

----------


## OldMike

> Do you mean the blister packs? well they don't just pop out...I have to get my thumb nail and pierce them first. they're a pita!


I pop them out quite easily pills that is trouble is they're apt to flirt off the worktop and disappear.

----------


## Jaquaia

Well that was fun! J forgot I said hospital and started driving to our doctors. My wrists are aching but she couldn't feel any inflammation, I had to point out that my inflammation levels had doubled as she hadn't looked at my results. She wants me to reduce hydroxychloroquine to 3 times a week and keep the methotrexate as it is.

----------


## Suzi

Why are you reducing the hydroxy? Do you feel that she listened to you? Can you try to see someone else?

----------


## Jaquaia

Because it can cause problems at the back of the eye. She did say if the stiffness continues then to get in touch and they'll look at upping the methotrexate again

----------


## Stella180

That doesn’t sound very pro active.

----------


## Suzi

Will you get back in touch with them if it continues/worsens?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'll attempt to! She did agree that my hands were colder than they should be and her solution was long sleeves and wear gloves. Well thank you Sherlock! I assume she was thinking Raynaud's and ruled it out when I said my hands don't change colour.

----------


## Suzi

That's mad! Doesn't sound like you were listened to much at all...

----------


## Jaquaia

Our dining table is next to the radiator and I sit at it to study yet can still have cold hands. Not all of the time but fairly often just lately.

----------


## Suzi

Awww! I hate that!

----------


## Paula

That sounds like someone who was thinking of other things at your appointment..... whens your next one due?

----------


## Jaquaia

Probably 6 months.

----------


## Suzi

Will you call and go earlier if we/J thinks you should?

----------


## Jaquaia

I will try, the helpline isn't great really.

----------


## Suzi

Persevere with it until you get some help?

----------


## Paula

I know you dont like making a fuss, but this is important - not just for you but for J and the kids too

----------


## Jaquaia

I may end up killing all 3 of them yet so that won't be an issue!!!

----------


## Suzi

Oh  :(:  Not a good day?

----------


## Paula

Well, Im feeling that way about Si today so lets just hope were cellmates  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

> Oh  Not a good day?


It's a 3 kids kind of day!




> Well, I’m feeling that way about Si today so let’s just hope we’re cellmates


We can share books!  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  I'm having a 3 kids, 1 husband and 3 dogs kind of day so I sympathise!

----------


## Stella180

The joy of living alone with a lazy pooch lol

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

The cats not stupid, I've only seen him today when food was on offer!!!

----------


## Suzi

Well done Toby!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Oh bloody hell! Just sat and read through my iCMA (computer marked assignment)... kill me now??? 2X2 ANOVA, factorial ANOVA, sphericity, homogenity of variance... if you don't understand a word of what I just wrote, imagine how I'm feeling as neither do I!!!!

----------


## Stella180

Alexa, what is homogeneity variance and all these other words Jaq just wrote?

----------

Suzi (18-01-21)

----------


## Paula

Ermmm

----------


## Jaquaia

Exactly!!!

----------


## Suzi

> Oh bloody hell! Just sat and read through my iCMA (computer marked assignment)... kill me now??? 2X2 ANOVA, factorial ANOVA, sphericity, homogenity of variance... if you don't understand a word of what I just wrote, imagine how I'm feeling as neither do I!!!!


I understood the first bit, but the rest went straight over my head... 



> Alexa, what is homogeneity variance and all these other words Jaq just wrote?


 :(rofl): I had exactly the same thought!  :(rofl): 

Morning love, how are you?

----------


## Jaquaia

That's exactly why I chose text-based as I hate statistics!!!

I'm ok, tired! We need to go up to bed earlier but been binge-watching The Mentalist around studying. Part of me thinks that J has chosen it deliberately as watching an episode means I'm sat resting for an hour...

----------


## Suzi

Is the Mentalist good? 
Sounds like J knows you rather well.. How's the drinking going?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm really enjoying it, and it has Simon Baker in, who is ridiculously attractive!!!

He probably knows me better than anyone. Drinking isn't going great but he'll start nagging me about it soon!

----------


## Suzi

Hmm.....   Subtle hint needed? 

*JAQ DRINK!!!!*

----------


## Flo

I've never watched The Mentalist....might just catch an episode to see. Have a good one!

----------


## Jaquaia

J has got me another drink, it's very rare he asks me!!!

Well thanks to our amazing friend who has shared her Disney+ login, we're going to be watching Soul with the children and popcorn tonight! They both chose it as they're good behaviour treat!

----------


## Suzi

OO Soul is AWESOME!!

----------


## Jaquaia

I think I'll need the distraction as my uni work is  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ing hard going today

----------


## Suzi

Oh love  :Panda:  Pacing it might be the better option?

----------


## Jaquaia

It wouldn't make a difference. It's the topic that's the issue.

----------


## Suzi

Oh.... What's the topic?

----------


## Paula

Can you get some wise words from your tutor?

----------


## Jaquaia

> Oh.... What's the topic?


Sexual assault and abuse. This block is sex and sexuality in mental health. I've found parts of it incredibly triggering. 
Still got sexuality in the therapy room, paraphilias and sex work to go, which will hopefully be easier.




> Can you get some wise words from your tutor?


It took her long enough to reply to an extension request!

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni, are you able to take it bit by bit and give yourself a break and something nice?

----------

Jaquaia (18-01-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Very tough topics.  :Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (18-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

We've watched Cinderella and some of the Pixar shorts, and just watching some more of The Mentalist before I do some more work. Going to focus on the psychology module tonight, it might be difficult but it doesn't leave me feeling like my skin is crawling...

----------


## Suzi

That has to be a good thing...

----------


## Jaquaia

I just feel exhausted now.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Time to finish for the day??

----------


## Jaquaia

Probably is. I'm making so many mistakes in my notes today.

----------


## Paula

:Panda:  is there any chance you could take today off and be kind to you?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not really. I have a 2 hour tutorial this morning and need to be looking at my assignments. I have so much to do it's a little overwhelming but I will take breaks.

----------


## Suzi

Definitely take breaks. Can you ask for an extension if needed? 

How are your hands today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I can if needed but I'm nearly up to date with this module though so it will take some pressure off.

----------


## Suzi

Well done love. You're working so hard!

----------


## Jaquaia

6 months and I'm done, so a little hard work will be worth it.

----------

Stella180 (19-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Done as in degree finished?

----------


## Stella180

You’ve done a fantastic job so far and the finishing line is in sight. A bit push and you’ll be there. I have every faith in you.

----------

Jaquaia (19-01-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

You are amazing and yip, all the hard work will be worth it.

----------

Jaquaia (19-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Thanks ladies.

Suzi, yep! I'll hopefully be starting my MSc in October, which is a scary thought! Always wanted to do postgrad study but wasn't convinced I'd be capable.

Look at what arrived this morning from the wonderful magie!

----------


## Stella180

Love that!

----------


## Jaquaia

It's stunning!!! Gutted I have to wait almost a year to use it!

----------


## Paula

Wow!!

----------


## magie06

So sorry that it was late for Christmas 2020. Just with everything, I didn't finish on time.

----------


## Jaquaia

It's absolutely beautiful Magie, I'm glad you put my name on it or I may have had to fight A for it! You really are talented

----------


## Mira

Wow Magie, I think its a shame you downplay it by saying you did not finish in time. You put a lot of effort and thought into this and its a work of art!

----------


## magie06

Jaq tbh I wasn't sure about putting your name on it. I considered leaving it blank.

----------


## Suzi

It truly is amazing. Every stitch looks beautiful! You really are so kind. 

Jaq - that seems mad that you're almost finished. I remember you being so unsure as to whether you could do it or not!

----------


## Jaquaia

> Wow Magie, I think its a shame you downplay it by saying you did not finish in time. You put a lot of effort and thought into this and its a work of art!


Exactly!!! It's so beautiful! I've shown everyone!!!




> Jaq tbh I wasn't sure about putting your name on it. I considered leaving it blank.


It's absolutely stunning, I feel very blessed and honoured that you wanted to do that for me.




> It truly is amazing. Every stitch looks beautiful! You really are so kind. 
> 
> Jaq - that seems mad that you're almost finished. I remember you being so unsure as to whether you could do it or not!


It feels like it's gone so quickly! Definitely going to stick with part time for my MSc. Only issue is deciding which one as seen on at Anglia Ruskin now too! Need to spend some time going through it properly.

----------

Suzi (19-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

86 on my last assignment!!!! So chuffed with that!

----------

Stella180 (19-01-21),Suzi (20-01-21)

----------


## Paula

:(party):

----------

Jaquaia (19-01-21)

----------


## Stella180

Way to go Jaq!

----------

Jaquaia (19-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

My feedback is awesome, and I've even emailed my tutor back to answer some questions she asked and let her know how difficult I've found some of the work.

----------


## Strugglingmum

You should be chuffed, you work so hard. Well done!!

----------

Jaquaia (19-01-21)

----------


## Paula

Of course, we all knew you could do it  :O: . Perhaps youll believe it now?

----------

Jaquaia (20-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

No need to be smug!  :P: 

To be honest, I surprised myself! I'd thought I'd missed the focus of the question completely!

----------


## Flo

Well done Jaq!! Fantastic result....clever old thing you! Just goes to prove that 'what you put in you get out'. :(clap):

----------

Jaquaia (20-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo!!! Well done love!!! 

What'cha up to today?

----------

Jaquaia (20-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

More study. Didn't get much done last night as had to deal with T trying to boot J in the face and then having a temper tantrum and trashing his room when he was sent to bed. So A was late to bed, was late with stories as why should she miss out? So was a little stressed!

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! What happened with T?

----------


## Jaquaia

J was playing around with him and instead of asking him to stop he tried stamping at his head a few times. I was livid with him, especially when he went upstairs and started throwing his lego around and slamming things around. We sent A upstairs to play around with her dollshouse while we brought him down to deal with him and I told him exactly what the consequences could have been if he'd connected with his dads face, including that if he'd connected with his dads nose a certain way he could have even killed him. I may have been wrong not holding back but I honestly have no idea how to get through to him that his actions have consequences and that lashing out like that is so unacceptable! It really was vicious, no idea how I didn't shout at him.

----------


## Suzi

Do you know why he acted the way that he did? Not that it's an excuse, but maybe it helps if you find the reason?

----------


## Jaquaia

All we get is "I don't know". I've asked if he's punishing his parents for splitting up - no. Does he want me to move out so his mum can come back - no. I think it could be learned behaviour if I'm honest.

----------


## Suzi

Is he having any counselling?

----------


## Jaquaia

No, I have to confess that it hasn't been sorted yet. Part of J's dyslexia is that he has short term memory problems, so I can remind him to ring and within 5 minutes he's forgotten, by which point I'm doing something else and am focusing on that instead. And he won't talk in front of his mum which means it has to be when he's here. It will get sorted as this cannot carry on.

----------


## Suzi

No it can't... Esp if it's become violent...

----------


## Strugglingmum

My eldest struggled with lashing out. 
There were various different reasons including being bullied and left out. 
While he learnt to deal with frustration and anger and learning to control it, we gave him a punch bag. That was the only thing he was allowed to hit. It actually helped him let out all the stuff he couldnt verbalize at the time but in a controlled way.
Some people said we were encouraging him to hit things and shouldn't have done it but it helped him to stop hitting his siblings and walls, doors etc while he learnt other coping strategies. 
Hitting the punch bag was acceptable behaviour,  hitting anything else wasn't and would be punished.  In a way I felt it helped because we acknowledged his frustration and need to let it out but he learnt there were boundaries too.
As he learnt other coping strategies and started to be able to talk about things more, the need for the punchbag became less and less.

----------

Flo (20-01-21),Stella180 (20-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

That's a possible idea! Thanks SM!

----------


## Suzi

We've done that for Fern to try to help them to have a focus for their temper, anger and frustration. It does really help because it also helps get rid of all the energy and is exercise which boosts endorphins too... 

Also don't forget that he'll be having a testosterone surge too and that was always the worst points for Ben and his anger too.

----------


## Jaquaia

I know. Have to admit I embarrassed him the other day, unintentionally, but part of me found it funny. He'd stuck his head round the door while J was getting in the shower and he came down and told me that he'd "seen daddy's bum, and even the hairy bits". I told him he'll be getting the hairy bits in the next few years and he went so red that I could have fried eggs on his cheeks! I just want to be open with them about how the body changes so they know they can come to us about any worries or concerns or just for reassurance!  I don't want A growing up thinking periods are something dirty either.

----------

Stella180 (20-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Aww bless him!

----------


## Jaquaia

Telephone appointment Monday after school. Let's see how that goes...

----------


## Suzi

Is that to speak to the Dr or counsellor?

----------


## Jaquaia

Doctor. He'll need referring to counselling

----------


## Suzi

It's a really good step.

----------


## Jaquaia

Fingers crossed! As this is ridiculous really. We can't trust him alone in the same room as A as he winds her up, even if we're only in the kitchen

----------


## Paula

Good. Everything crossed

----------


## Jaquaia

Sat doing a bit of research and doing the MSc in Mental Health Science with the OU would give me 6 months off studying... what would I do with myself for 6 months???

----------


## Stella180

You'd have to go get a life lol

----------


## Jaquaia

But that would mean going... outside???

----------


## Stella180

I know. You’re already getting pretty good at that.

----------


## Suzi

6 months off? You'd have to challenge yourself to do something different? Learn a language? Watch a box set? Catch up on your "to read" pile?  :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

Definitely catch up on the to read pile. If it fell over it would measure on the Richter Scale

----------


## Jaquaia

It's not that bad!!!


Yeah ok. Even I can't take myself seriously!

----------


## Stella180

:(rofl):

----------


## Flo

Take a crash course in Astrophysics? :(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

Actually... there's loads of free courses on the open learn site...  :(giggle): 

Looking at the course outline, there's 4 additional books they recommend so it might be worth just reading them! Though looking at courses at Anglia Ruskin, Edinburgh and Wolverhampton Unis too!

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are things?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not too bad. Tired, A woke us up at 6 as she'd had a bad dream.

----------


## Suzi

Aww poor A. It's good that she comes to you to protect her. 
Are you able to pace today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I need to study but won't be moving far from the table as my hip is hurting

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope the pain eases. Xx

----------

Jaquaia (21-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

RA pain or have you done something to it? Can you keep it warm and move around gently ever so often?

----------

Jaquaia (21-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

No idea, never been diagnosed with RA in my hip. I just keep getting a sharp pain through my hip

----------


## Mira

Could be a pinched nerve? Of course I am no doctor but thats what came to mind. But pain is bad enough. I hope it will fade soon.

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm not sure. The weird thing is it's not constant

----------


## Suzi

Aww hunni... Is it easing at all?

----------


## Jaquaia

It was, then we went to pick up the children from school and it's started again. J went to give me a hug when we got back and I had to tell him to get off as the slightest downward pressure was making it worse

----------


## Paula

Maybe you need to talk to your doctor? How long has it been going on?

----------


## Jaquaia

A couple of hours. Last time it eased within a day

----------


## Paula

So this isnt a new thing?

----------


## Suzi

It really does need mentioning love, esp as it's a recurring thing...

----------


## Jaquaia

I've had hip problems off an on since my late teens, it's usually worse when my period is due, which would make sense as I'm due next week.

----------


## Suzi

That's rubbish, but I get pains before I'm due too  :(:

----------


## Jaquaia

When I was first at uni, it would take me half an hour to get up as the pain was so bad I had to do it in stages. Sit up and wait for the pain to pass, then stand up and wait for the pain to pass. This is nothing compared to that.

----------


## Suzi

Is it definitely hip pain and not ovarian cysts? That's how my friend describes it when she has a cyst....

----------


## Jaquaia

I was referred to rheumatology years ago because of my hip pain but the rheumty didn't even check my hip and just put it down to my weight

----------


## Paula

Which youve lost, so maybe its time to have that discussion again?

And, yeah, the one ovarian cyst that ruptured in me landed me in hospital and ended up with removing my tube. So its an issue, if thats your problem....

----------


## Suzi

I think it's definitely time to talk to your rheumy nurse and or your GP...

----------

Stella180 (21-01-21)

----------


## Stella180

It’s worth asking the question.

----------


## Jaquaia

I need to lose a lot more but I will keep an eye on it. Chances are I've tweaked it when out walking as the ground is really boggy here.

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok, just tired. A scam call woke us up.

----------


## Suzi

Yuck! I hate those! 

What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

A bit of tidying but J will help, the washing and uni work.

----------


## Suzi

Are you going to let J help with the washing?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's all sorted. Don't even need to swap it over as it's a washer dryer! Makes it so easy really. And he'll help put it away, he always does if he's here when I do it.

----------


## Suzi

Good! I'm glad you're getting and accepting help!

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't get a choice in the matter!

----------


## Suzi

Good. It's about time someone took charge of you!

----------


## Paula

Charge? Not sure shell let you go that far  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

It's easier to just give in when he's home as he's not above clipping me round the ear! Knew I shouldn't have taught him that bad habit...

He told me to get  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed last night! He came in from his counselling session and said his therapist had said about learning to like himself. All I did was smile smugly...

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  That's hilarious!

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

I could have saved her a job  :(giggle): 

Oh! He said I can share this here; https://westhalton.wordpress.com/202...mental-health/

Modelling helps him massively and he's very open in the blog about how his mental health is affected. And not that I'm biased or anything, but he's a bloody good modeller! His therapists have said it's a form of therapy in itself.

----------


## Suzi

That is so brave and honest! Well done J!

----------

Jaquaia (22-01-21)

----------


## Strugglingmum

You've got a good one Jaq. X
Which is nothing less than you deserve. Xx

----------

Jaquaia (22-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

He is pretty awesome. I just wish he could see it himself.

----------


## Suzi

Yeah, pot, kettle...

----------


## Jaquaia

Yeah but we're not talking about me!  :P:

----------


## Paula

Well done J  :):

----------

Jaquaia (23-01-21)

----------


## Mira

Thanks for sharing. A well written piece and the amazing replies it got  :): 

I think the 2 of you make a great couple and from what I gather its hard for both of you to seen how amazing you both are. But you can see it in the other. Thats a great first step to happyness and seeing it in yourselfs as well.

----------

Jaquaia (23-01-21)

----------


## Flo

I agree with Mira....you make a lovely couple.

----------

Jaquaia (23-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are you doing today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok, tired but not as much so as yesterday.  Hip is stiff but we've bought a mattress topper so hopefully that will help

----------


## Suzi

Sorry you're still sore love, are you sure you shouldn't mention it to your medical team.

----------


## Jaquaia

Yes for now. The mattress is terrible. It was ok when I first started staying over and I had a great nights sleep, now you can feel the springs and I wake up with back ache.

----------


## Paula

What about a long v pillow. I use one when my hip is playing up and it does help

----------


## Jaquaia

I'll look into that! 

It feels a lot nicer to lay on! I guess the test will be how we sleep!

----------


## Suzi

Hope it works. Mattresses are so expensive to replace!

----------


## Flo

Have you flipped over your mattress lately? Might be time for a new one, they're important things considering we're supposed to spend a third of our lives in bed. Nothing worse than a lumpy one.

----------


## Jaquaia

We flipped it yesterday, but you can feel springs on both sides. The mattress topper has made it feel comfortable though, far less back pain and stiffness this morning and I'm not as tired.

----------


## Suzi

Glad that the topper has helped. 

What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

We're going for a walk! Love living so near open country

----------

Stella180 (24-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Have you not got snow?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Good for you. Trying to get the motivation to take Katie out

----------


## Jaquaia

No snow but still very frosty. Knackered now, walked about 4 and a half miles. And we saw deer!!!!

----------


## Stella180

I have heard that there are deer around here but I’ve never seen them.

----------


## Jaquaia

Deer! This is parkland right at the entrance to the village 





And the other end of the village

----------


## Paula

And theres me thinking they were mythical creatures  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

Before I moved to a village my experience of deer was watching Bambi!

----------


## Suzi

I live really close to Bushy Park and Richmond Park with the Royal deer in them! But I grew up right next to the New Forest where there are lots of deer too  :O:  

They are so majestic! Looks like you've had an amazing walk!

----------


## Jaquaia

It's a lovely walk, there's a public footpath through farmers fields that takes you up to the old railway line that ran between Beverley and Market Weighton and you can come out halfway between Cherry Burton and the next village.

----------


## Suzi

I miss having walks like that right on your doorstep...

----------


## Strugglingmum

All sounds blissful. 
No wild deer over here at all.

----------


## Paula

Its all about the railways  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

I can sense the surprise from here  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  I'd missed that!  :(rofl):  So, are you becoming a railway "enthusiast" too? At the point of trainspotting yet? Do you need an anorak and a notepad?

----------


## Jaquaia

:P:  no!!!! It's known as the Hudson Way now and is open countryside most of the way. It's fun when it's rained a lot as the patch after the main road is muddy. I've gone ankle deep a few times and the first time we walked it A lost her welly!  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

Lol! Love it when they lose wellies!  :):

----------


## Stella180

> Do you need an anorak and a notepad?


Oh come on Suzi, real trainspotters have clipboards lol

----------


## Paula

How do you know that, Stella  :O:

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):  Is there something you need to confess to?

----------


## Stella180

Have you guys forgotten about Special Andy?

Oh and err, Aspie males love trains.

----------


## Suzi

I don't think I knew that Special Andy liked trains.... lol


Morning Jaq, how are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired I think, and achey. Feel good for doing the walk yesterday though, and I even managed to read a couple of chapters of one of my own books while I had a bath!

----------

Paula (25-01-21),Stella180 (25-01-21),Suzi (25-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Stupid question, but are you pacing today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Studying and we get the kids back today too.

----------


## Flo

Talking of deer.....Zoe gets them in her garden every night as they come down from the hills to feed in winter....her garden is a write off, they've eaten all her plants and trampled the lawn to a mud bath. I think they're beautiful creatures but they're very destructive. Another neighbour has a rifle and bags the odd one, butchers it then distributes it to the neighbours! Very low in cholesterol and costs nothing.

----------


## Suzi

> Studying and we get the kids back today too.


I can never remember when you have them and when you don't - sorry!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

It's fine! I only remember because I have J's roster saved to my calender! 

I moved my lavender. It's started dying at the back so assumed it hasn't been getting enough sun. Hopefully it will revive!

----------


## Suzi

One of mine seems to be dying a little too. Hope yours recovers love.

----------


## Jaquaia

Flying solo this morning as J is at work and as we're about to leave the house, A decides that she wanted to wear her mask too. We get to school, the teacher comes to the door to collect her and A's first words were "I've got a mask!"

Yes Moo, and you've also left me standing out here with your school bag and lunch!

----------


## Paula

Awww, bless her

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(giggle):  :(giggle):

----------


## Jaquaia

She's so funny. She told us that she told the policeman about me, and they told J that she'd said that I live with them and I'm really nice and help her with her homework. She climbed into bed with us for hugs before we got up yesterday and told us again.

"But I didn't tell him you make nice yorkshire puddings in case he wanted some"  :(rofl):

----------


## Flo

Haha! The things they come out with! Bless her.

----------


## Suzi

Awww Love the things they come out with!

----------


## Stella180

She’s a wise girl, can’t be having the local Bobby popping in for Sunday lunch lol

----------


## Paula

Depends on the local Bobby  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

He did absolutely nothing for me!

----------


## Suzi

> Depends on the local Bobby


Oh that it _​really does...._

----------


## Jaquaia

Suzi, A spotted the crocheted sprout and has asked for a crocheted carrot!  :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

I love my sprout! His name is Cedric.

----------


## Suzi

> Suzi, A spotted the crocheted sprout and has asked for a crocheted carrot!


I'll see what I can do....  :):

----------

Stella180 (30-01-21)

----------


## magie06

I've seen knitting patterns for carrots online. Suzi if you can't get one, I'll make one for her. (It might make up for the stocking?)

----------


## Flo

I love my sprout too...hasn't got a name though. A carrot is a great idea...A would love that. I might look for a pattern too.

----------


## Suzi

I've found a crochet one, but go ahead Magie if you'd like to...

----------


## Jaquaia

You're all so lovely!!!

She's been lying between myself and J this morning, whispering to J that he can borrow one of her toy rings so he can ask me to marry him!

----------


## Paula

Awwwwwwwwwwww. Did he?  :(giggle):

----------

Jaquaia (31-01-21)

----------


## Flo

How sweet is that...bless her little heart! She sounds a very loving little soul. :O:

----------

Jaquaia (31-01-21)

----------


## Suzi

Awww!

----------

Jaquaia (31-01-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

> Awwwwwwwwwwww. Did he?


No!  :(rofl): 




> How sweet is that...bless her little heart! She sounds a very loving little soul.


She's awesome, a pain in the arse at times and currently looking like she's been rolling in mud, but lovely and very caring.

----------


## Suzi

We always said that with Hazel you could put her in the middle of a mud pit dressed in white and she'd come out still dressed in sparkling white.. Fern on the other hand, put her in a completely sterile white room and they'd come out filthy!

----------


## Paula

Mud *shudders*

----------


## Jaquaia

I've just had to brush it off her pillow! Instead of taking her leggings off straight away she climbed onto her bed. Mud everywhere!!!

----------


## Suzi

She's awesome!

----------


## Jaquaia

She is! She's said she doesn't want me to be her stepmummy, she wants me to be her real mummy

----------


## Suzi

Aww!!

----------


## magie06

I found a really cute pattern. My knitting needles are smoking!  :(rofl):

----------

Jaquaia (01-02-21),Stella180 (01-02-21),Suzi (01-02-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

She's going to be so chuffed! Magie, you're absolutely awesome

----------


## magie06

Did you say her birthday will be on the 11th?

----------


## Jaquaia

I did, she'll be 6

----------


## magie06

I'll do my best to have it in the post so she can open it that day.

----------

Suzi (01-02-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

You really are amazing. I can't thank you enough  :Panda:

----------


## Jaquaia

13/15 on my iCMA!!! So chuffed as it was an utter bastard!

----------


## Suzi

Wow! That's awesome! Well done!  :):

----------

Jaquaia (04-02-21)

----------


## Paula

:(party):

----------

Jaquaia (04-02-21)

----------


## Stella180

pretty decent. Good job.

----------

Jaquaia (04-02-21)

----------


## OldMike

> 13/15 on my iCMA!!! So chuffed as it was an utter bastard!


Woo hoo go you  :(party):

----------

Flo (05-02-21),Jaquaia (04-02-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Looking into Masters degrees and have requested information from Wolverhampton Uni. They rang me this morning despite me not having given them a callback window and as I wasn't expecting it I just sat and watched my phone ring...

----------


## Suzi

Why did you just watch it ring? Problem with picking up the phone in general or with the concept of planning for a masters?

----------


## Jaquaia

More the first one, though the second one is scary too. I had an autoreply email when I sent the request and it asked me to reply giving the best time to ring back and I was planning on doing that today. If I knew when it was coming it would have been easier, that just sent my anxiety levels soaring. Like last night when the doctors rang about my covid jab, it showed up on my phone as who it was so it wasn't such an issue.

----------


## Paula

I get that, completely.... Ok, so what now? Do you call them back or reply to the email?

----------


## Jaquaia

Email back and give them a time, that way I know the call is coming.

----------


## Suzi

Did you email them back with a time love?

How are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I haven't yet. 

I'm tired but planning on doing an hours tidying in the front garden then studying.

----------


## Flo

I'm the same Jaq...I freak out if I'm not psyched up and ready for a call...hate being caught on the hop. Fingers crossed all goes well for you re the Uni. conversation. Given the current climate, i should imagine they'll bend over backwards to make sure they can accommodate all your wishes.

----------


## Jaquaia

Well they must be eager as they rang and emailed again today!

It's between them, Anglia Ruskin and the OU

----------


## Suzi

Lovely to be so wanted!

----------


## Paula

Initial thoughts then?

----------


## Jaquaia

Need to speak to Wolverhampton first.

I'm used to the learning system with the OU, which is a positive. The tutors are supportive and they have a good extension system in place. 

Anglia Ruskin is more pressure as it's a much sooner deadline so maybe not that one.

----------


## Suzi

I think it's great that you are thinking about it all.

----------


## Jaquaia

I just need to get through this year!

----------


## Suzi

Which you are going to do with bells on!  :):  You've got this.

----------


## Paula

So, what are the courses like?

----------


## Jaquaia

The OU course is in Mental Health Science. It looks at stress, anxiety, depression, psychosis and dementia and develops an understanding of them. 

The Wolverhampton course is psychology of mental health and wellbeing. It looks at various psychologies, mental health online etc. 

The Anglia Ruskin course is mental health. It looks at developing a deeper understanding of issues that affect mental health

----------


## Paula

They all sound fascinating

----------


## Stella180

The OU one sounds interesting

----------


## Suzi

They do all sound interesting!

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm leaning towards the OU one but I will speak to Wolverhampton first.

----------


## Suzi

Which one is going to be the best for where you want to be in your future career?

----------


## Jaquaia

They would all work I think.

----------


## Stella180

Just a thought but is it not beneficial to maybe take a year out to give yourself a break before throwing yourself back into your MSc?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm leaning more and more towards deferring my psychology module as struggling to do everything

----------


## Stella180

I know you’ve had a lot on your plate lately but I would say if you can knuckle down get this year done it will be better for you it the long run and then if you need to take a break you can do that before moving on to the next step.

----------


## Suzi

Is that what you want to do?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm a quarter of the way through one module, should be more than half way through, and 3 weeks behind in my other module. I'm not sure how I can manage it.

----------


## Stella180

I have faith in you. Somehow you always come through. I believe you can do this.

----------


## Suzi

Do what you need to. If you need to defer then do so...

----------


## Flo

I agree with suzi.....you have such a lot on your plate at the moment, so to defer may just take some of the weight off your shoulders. After all, you can go back to it.

----------


## Paula

Hey love, how are you doing?

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are you?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired and irritable

----------


## Suzi

:Panda:   :(bear):   :Panda:   :(bear):  What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I went to do my mums meds and took them some sticky toffee pudding. Come back with a homemade quiche! We've been binge watching Not Going Out and done some studying. Tomorrow I'm having my covid jab, I've suggested taking our walking boots and going for a walk on the Westwood afterwards (grazing ground near Beverley Racecourse which is where I'm going for my jab) then home to plod through study, depending on after affects...

----------


## Stella180

Sticky toffee pudding? Is ya dad putting gravy on that for her? Lol

----------


## Jaquaia

Well he offers to put custard on everything else so it wouldn't surprise me if he offered gravy for a change!

----------


## Stella180

Exactly!

----------


## Paula

Hope it goes ok today,love

----------


## Strugglingmum

Enjoy your walk. Fresh air will hopefully settle your brain for study.

----------


## Suzi

Hey covid jab twin! I'm going for mine today, but to Epsom racecourse!  :):  

Hope the walk helps love. Maybe use the time to talk to him and tell him what's going on in your head?

----------


## Jaquaia

It was a lovely walk, the first bit uphill! Did about 4.5km and feel tired but a bit better mentally. Going to wrap Mother's Day presents and then do some uni work.

----------


## Suzi

Glad you had a lovely walk! 
Covid vaccine go well?

----------


## Jaquaia

So far. Hopefully I'll have no reaction to it, reaction to my flu jab has normally kicked in by now

----------


## Stella180

So many vaccines, so little autism lol.

----------


## Suzi

I haven't any reaction yet either  :):

----------


## Stella180

I was fine for the first 24hrs or so. I just got a bit of a sore arm and a headache but didn't last long.

----------


## Jaquaia

Sore arm but that's it, and no massive lump like I get with my flu jab so I'll take that. Been proactive and asked for a weeks extension on my next assignment. I did really well catching up and then circumstances happened so hoping a week will get me back on track.

----------


## Paula

A good plan. How are you feeling about it atm?

----------


## Suzi

That is a really good plan love. How's everything going?

----------


## Jaquaia

Things are ok I suppose. J is worried about my mood. I tend to just shrug it off and say I'm ok.

----------


## Suzi

Why aren't you talking to him honestly about how you are feeling?

----------


## Jaquaia

Constantly going over the same things so don't see the point. It's a shit time of year really.

----------


## Suzi

Mother's Day?

----------


## Jaquaia

Yeah..

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

----------


## Suzi

Are you talking to J about it?

----------


## Jaquaia

Avoiding it as talking just ends up with me crying.

----------


## Suzi

But isn't that just you keeping it all inside and being like a pressure cooker?

----------


## Jaquaia

Using my words against me is really underhand!!!

----------


## Paula

Shes not wrong....

----------


## Suzi

So... Are you going to talk to J about it?

----------


## Jaquaia

He knows it all already

----------


## Paula

Doesnt mean you shouldnt talk to him about it. Si knows I struggle with the limitations my disability cause, doesnt mean I cant talk to him/rant about it to him.....

----------


## Stella180

But does he know how you are feeling right now? Maybe there are things he can do to reassure you or make things easier or even just hold you tight which you cry it out.

----------


## Suzi

I do understand love, but as the others have said, I might talk to Marc about the same thing time and time again, but we're partners in life and what affects him affects me and visa versa. It's only doable if we are honest with those we are sharing our journey with or it's going to drive a massive wedge between you....

----------


## Jaquaia

J is rather smug right now!

----------


## Suzi

Why is he smug?

----------


## Jaquaia

Because he's already said everything you all have.

----------


## Stella180

Then open up and let him love you.

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Then let him help you love...

----------


## Jaquaia

I actually answered the phone to Wolverhampton Uni today and couldn't hear anything he said as Toby chose that exact moment to race around like a loon! Anyway, he's emailed me some info and I could start September or November but what's putting me off is they are 8 week modules so I'd have to keep on top of everything no matter what. With the OU I do 3 modules, 1 per year, and that gives me some room to catch up if needed. I need to do some deeper research me thinks...

----------


## Suzi

What are the assessments for each module? What things can be put in place for you with your RA and MH?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm going to try and find time to sit and read through both courses and email back any questions. That would be one. If I'm honest, I hadn't looked at my phone when I answered it so wasn't prepared!

----------


## Suzi

That's understandable. 
Apart from that, how are you love?

----------


## Jaquaia

So-so. Been burying myself in uni work so kept busy.

----------


## Suzi

Are you still talking to J about how you are feeling?

----------


## Jaquaia

Off and on

----------


## Suzi

That suggests the more honest answer would be "no, not really as I don't want to make things hard for J"....

----------


## Paula

Ive noticed youre only talking about uni stuff, when we know theres an awful lot more going on than that.....

----------


## Stella180

Am I the problem? I’ve stay out of the way of your thread if it helps you to talk.

----------


## Jaquaia

> That suggests the more honest answer would be "no, not really as I don't want to make things hard for J"....


More like if I don't talk I don't cry.




> I’ve noticed you’re only talking about uni stuff, when we know there’s an awful lot more going on than that.....


It is how it is. Just trying to get on with things.




> Am I the problem? I’ve stay out of the way of your thread if it helps you to talk.


Course not you narna. I know you get how I'm feeling about Sunday.

----------


## Stella180

I know but I’m not exactly the most tactful person at times and I don’t want you to not talk about it cos you’re worried I’ll dive in with my size 8s.

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm good at not talking. J has tried grassing me up to my mum and she told him I was a pain in the arse for it!

----------


## Suzi

But is J good at making it so you do talk?

----------


## Jaquaia

I tend to just shut down when I don't want to talk about something

----------


## Suzi

But hunni, you're in a partnership. Would you just leave it if you knew he was hurting but not talking?

----------


## Jaquaia

He knows what the issue is. What can he do about it? Other than keep trying to make me talk about it which just makes me cry. Or am I supposed to keep going over and over something I find incredibly painful?

----------


## Suzi

Not necessarily, but bottling it up isn't going to help either..

----------


## Stella180

Can I just say that maybe getting it out of your system, talking, crying, processing will help you to deal with the situation, kinda desensitisation. It’s never going to go away but maybe you can cope better over time? Just an idea so don’t get upset with me.

----------


## Jaquaia

There's no such thing as getting it out of my system

----------


## Paula

Stellas got a point. No, you wont get it out of your system, how could you? But you might be able to desensitise yourself over time which might help you cope with it better itms? Because the way things are runs the risk of destroying you, love

----------


## Suzi

How are you love?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok. In a bit of pain but will take it easy

----------


## Suzi

Properly easy or Jaq easy?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm being good. J is off so have to be. 

He's treated me to a Jane Austen hoodie and ot arrived this morning!  :(inlove):

----------


## Stella180

I saw the pic. Very nerdy. I approve.

----------

Jaquaia (12-03-21)

----------


## Suzi

It's fabulous!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

I love it!!! Need to get a thicker version though, it's more lightweight

----------


## Paula

It is pretty cool

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing love?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok. I grabbed myself some daffodils yesterday and they're all opening so they're making me smile. Had lots of hugs from A too and I suspect that I have chocolate on my cheek from when she kissed me after having eaten a chocolate hobnob!

----------


## Paula

Awwwww

----------


## Suzi

I love daffodils! They are amazing to make you smile! 

Hooray for hugs - especially chocolatey sticky ones! 
How are you today lovely?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok. Kids are misbehaving so refused to take either of them in the shop with me when we popped for a few bits. Would be handy if the cat poohed less as his litter weighs a lot!!! Carrying 2 3 litre bottles, assorted other bits and a 10l bag of cat litter hasn't done my hands or elbows much good!

----------


## Paula

Hmmmm

----------


## Suzi

Why are you carrying all of that? Surely it'd have been better to all go and everyone share the carrying, but maybe just not buy treats etc?

----------


## Jaquaia

Because it's one person per household in a shop and I didn't get a trolley as I got more than I intended

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni.... But maybe next time it might be better to send J or get a delivery order for the heavy stuff?

----------


## Paula

Then perhaps next time you need to put some back? Or send J? I know how hard it is to accept, but you cant keep putting your body through chores that its just not up to......

----------

Stella180 (13-03-21)

----------


## Stella180

What Paula said. Please don’t push yourself to the point it causes you pain.

----------


## Jaquaia

I bought some tulips to go with my daffodils

----------


## Strugglingmum

They're gorgeous.

----------


## Suzi

So pretty!

How are you doing love?

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't know.  Emotionally exhausted. I started taking tea through last night, saw the bag waiting on the table and had to go back through to the kitchen as I knew I was going to cry. When I finally opened the bag I ended up crying again. Poor kids didn't know what was going on.

----------


## Paula

The bag? What did I miss?

----------


## Jaquaia

The present from the kids

----------


## Paula

Ah, I thought youd opened that, sorry

----------


## Jaquaia

They were at their mums all day so J decided it was too much of a rush to sort it in the morning and Abbie suggested surprising me with it while I was in the kitchen

----------


## Suzi

I thought it was lovely! I'm not surprised you cried!

----------


## Stella180

I bet it made your day.

----------


## magie06

How are you?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok thanks magie! Plodding along. It's good to see you back!

----------


## magie06

Thanks. I have turned a corner, so I decided you all needed me again!

----------


## magie06

How are the kids?

----------


## Jaquaia

They're doing ok. Nightmares from both of them occasionally but they feel safe here.

----------


## Suzi

> Thanks. I have turned a corner, so I decided you all needed me again!


We ALWAYS need you! 




> They're doing ok. Nightmares from both of them occasionally but they feel safe here.


That's an amazingly positive thing to say. Providing them somewhere they feel safe is awesome.

----------


## magie06

It is awesome that they feel safe with you. It shows what you have built up with them. They are lucky to have you. Is T still acting up?

----------


## Jaquaia

Occasionally but we stamp on that pretty quickly.

----------


## Suzi

Kids need security and boundaries and consequences. They need to be loved and respected and you do all of that fairly from what you've said here...

----------


## Jaquaia

I upset A tonight as I told her off for not paying attention during stories as she was playing with teddies instead. She chose 'The Secret Garden' but has been struggling with the language and hadn't said. I explained that even I sometimes don't finish books and we can start another and read it when she's a bit older.

----------


## magie06

I love that book. But yeah, some of the words are confusing.

----------


## Jaquaia

I'd also forgotten how racist it was in parts!

----------


## Suzi

Absolutely.... We've done the same thing. You could try one of our favourites when mine were little - Charlotte's Web  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

I've ordered her the next 3 'Naughtiest Unicorn' books. We got her the first one for her birthday and she loved it.

----------


## Paula

My kids loved Horrible Histories (still do tbh)

----------


## Suzi

Mine still love those too Paula! 

I love that you're sharing stories! Mine also loved all the Rainbow Fairy series  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

I've never read Charlotte's Web myself! I've been looking at the Rainbow Fairies books too.

Paula, Thomas has those so it's definitely an option!

----------


## Suzi

How have you not read Charlotte's Web? It's a fabulous story! You'd love it! Rainbow fairies are simple, easy, all follow a similar plot theme but Hazel had nearly all of them at one point!

----------


## magie06

I know Enid Blyton went out of fashion in the 80's, but A loved all of the Far Away tree and Mr. Pickwick stories. Easy to read too.

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm not sure, it's just never one I came across. I've never read the Magic Faraway Tree either!

Magie I loved Enid Blyton! I want the Famous Five and Secret Seven series to re-read!

----------

Stella180 (24-03-21)

----------


## Stella180

I know I real a lot of Enid Blyton as a kid but can barely remember any of them in any detail.

----------


## Jaquaia

I went through the local libraries full collection as a child, plus Roald Dahl and Nancy Drew.

----------


## Stella180

I do remember a special deal at a local video store at a kid wher every time you hired a Disney movie you got a sticker on a card, can’t remember what you got for a full card but I must have watched every single Disney movie available at the time.

----------


## magie06

I have the famous five series from 1 to 16 and I'm looking for the rest too. I've re-read them very recently.

----------


## Suzi

I reread them too! And shared them (and others) with mine. One of Hazel's favourite books was "Gobbolino the witches cat."  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Oooh! The m-i-l got A 'Adventures of the Little Wooden Horse' by the same author for World Book Day

----------

Suzi (24-03-21)

----------


## Paula

My favourite was Mallory Towers

----------


## magie06

I loved them too Paula. I even wanted to go to boarding school.

----------


## Jaquaia

Never read Mallory Towers!

----------


## Suzi

Jaq, you've missed some amazing books! I instruct you to read all of them!

----------


## Jaquaia

They're on my list!

----------


## Suzi

Move them to the top of your list and share them with A!

----------


## Stella180

You could both read them together for the first time. That would make it really special for the two of you.

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm going to keep an eye open for them.

Struggling to settle today. It's my last chance to get a good few hours work done until Tuesday and struggling to focus.

----------


## Suzi

What's stopping you from settling? Mental or physical?

----------


## Jaquaia

More mental I think. I'm tired and struggling to concentrate. I'm restless too

----------


## Suzi

Have you tried to get everything out of your head to allow you to be able to settle a bit? Or go and do something different?

----------


## Jaquaia

I've been pottering around a bit, went to the shop too so had some fresh air

----------


## Stella180

Go and feed Toby, lol

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing now love?

----------


## Jaquaia

Got some notes down and have put it away. If I force myself to work when I can't focus I'll make a mess, so we're watching My Family. Tomorrow I have an Easter chick to make with A for a village trail and I'll work once they're in bed.

----------


## Suzi

Well done for not forcing yourself lovely... 
How are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired but not as much. We've done the chick and done 2 streets of the village for the Easter trail, lazy afternoon now. Going to stick the meat in for tea and can forget about it for a couple of hours

----------


## Suzi

That sounds like a fun morning!

----------


## Jaquaia

It was except I realised around 1 that I'd missed my morning meds....

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! How late were you?

----------


## Jaquaia

About 4 hours... and that includes pregabalin.... might explain why I've been very irritable today!

----------


## Paula

Oh yuck, totally empathise....  :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! I really, really empathise too. I know how much it messes me up if I'm a could of hours late..  :(bear):

----------


## Jaquaia

We've made a point of being sat down ready for Line of Duty so relaxing now.

----------


## Stella180

Are you going to have a chance to crack on with your uni work tomorrow? Don’t you have an assignment due Tuesday?

----------


## Suzi

I'm glad you sat down! Loving this series of LofD !  :):  

How are you today lovely?

----------


## Jaquaia

> Are you going to have a chance to crack on with your uni work tomorrow? Don’t you have an assignment due Tuesday?


Yeah, they're being picked up at 4 and J is on nights so I have tonight and all day tomorrow. 




> I'm glad you sat down! Loving this series of LofD !  
> 
> How are you today lovely?


Tired. I was woken up by a 6 year old flopping over me to get in the middle

----------


## Stella180

That’s the best kind of being woken up.

----------


## Paula

Awwww bless her!

----------


## Suzi

Morning snuggles are awesome!

----------


## Jaquaia

Assignment in with 2 hours to spare! Utter waffle but I had something to submit at least. Before A left we planted her last 2 sunflowers, chinese aster, cosmos, snapdragon and schizanthus so hoping they start coming up! They currently sat on the outside table to get some sun. Have my second wash in and my first on the line... I'm so excited I got to hang it out!!! Back door is wide open too and Toby is in and out exploring! Might as well enjoy it as apparently tomorrow we're back down to barely double figures. If I didn't need to use my laptop I'd work outside!

----------


## Suzi

Can you not take your laptop outside? 
Well done for getting the assignment in, that's brilliant. 
Sounds like you and A have been really busy!

----------


## Jaquaia

We've only planted 1 tray, the garden needs sorting but it will be nice to get some colour in this year. 

I wouldn't see the screen!!!

----------


## Paula

Yay! Well done getting the assignment in!

----------

Jaquaia (31-03-21)

----------


## Suzi

Have you had a break yet?

----------


## Jaquaia

Yes! We've been binge watching My Family, put some branches in the bin, found an erm... "excitable" stick man and had tea. Oh and the seeds have already started growing!

----------


## Stella180

Your stick man had wood lol

----------

Jaquaia (01-04-21)

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  at your stickman!

----------

Jaquaia (01-04-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

Ok. Things are shit at the moment. I've had stomach ache for a few days, my body needs to decide if TOTM is starting or not as this is uncomfortable. And I've run out of pregabalin as the pharmacy hasn't been able to get hold of it! Taken 2 tablets instead of 3 the last 3 days and had none at all today. Picking up my prescription today though, they told me to request the 25mg tablets from my GP so that was sorted yesterday and picking them up this afternoon!

----------


## Stella180

Awww mate that sucks. Silly question but are you taking things easy?

----------


## Jaquaia

Just sat doing a bit of uni work. Have to pop to my mums to top up her meds buf as I start driving lessons in 2 weeks I don't need to do as much

----------


## Paula

Oh no re pregablin, thats tough on your body.....

----------


## Suzi

Omg ouch... Pregablin is so hard (and can be dangerous) to stop. You poor thing - genuinely. I know how I am if I'm an hour late, oh sweetheart  :Panda: .. In future you could try calling other pharmacies to see if they have it and have an emergency prescription done there?

----------


## Jaquaia

This is an emergency prescription. I collected the rest on Monday and they told me it would be in within the next day or so. When I hadn't heard yesterday I rang the pharmacy myself and got straight on to the doctors. They've had my original prescription since the 22nd.

----------


## Suzi

That's awful!

----------


## Paula

There are some drugs they must know they cant piss about with. This is one of them  :@:

----------


## Stella180

WTF! That’s just not good enough.

----------


## Jaquaia

I have them now. I am very irritable and have a very short fuse and feel sick though.

----------


## Stella180

Yeah well remember this isn’t going to be an overnight fix so please take it steady mate.

----------

Jaquaia (01-04-21)

----------


## Suzi

All withdrawal symptoms. I'm glad you've got them now lovely, but hunni please, please, please take things easy.

----------

Jaquaia (01-04-21)

----------


## Paula

It normally takes me a good 48 hours to recover so please be kind to you, hunni

----------

Jaquaia (01-04-21)

----------


## Jaquaia

I'll mainly be reading or doing stuff with the kids. I only get chance to study on a night when they're here. And J has noticed how it's affected me so he'll make sure I rest. Doesn't help that J got his dad to be here for the kids while we got my prescription and he came across with 4 big bags of chocolate for easter. One for me and J, one for T, one for A and one full to the brim with boxes of mini easter eggs for a egg hunt for the kids. The kids aren't here on Sunday and they haven't actually rang us and checked that we didn't have plans or asked what we've done for them. It feels like whatever we do for the kids, they'll undermine us by going over the top. So we're not doing an egg hunt and sticking with what we planned, which is chick trail round the village and a long walk so A can see the lambs. Sod them.

----------


## Suzi

Could it just be that they were trying to help?

----------


## Jaquaia

They sent over 91 portions of chocolate for the children. How is that helping?

----------


## Suzi

Wow, that's more than I was imagining! That's enough for the whole village - or the whole school when I went to a village primary school and with some left over for all the staff!

----------


## Paula

Good grief....l

----------


## Jaquaia

I think T may have added up wrong. There's 85 portions. Between 2 children. And that's after we've told them T is massively overweight for his age, and that's after we've checked height and weight on the NHS site. Above the 98 percentile...

----------


## Suzi

I remember when ours were really little we were still using Easter chocolate in baking etc months later.... It was ridiculous! 
That's a lot of chocolate...

----------


## Jaquaia

That's the plan. Coming on top of my med mess up I haven't got the patience to deal with any of it

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## Strugglingmum

You could package some of it up and get the kids to leave a small parcel of chocolate on each of the neighbours doorsteps with a little Happy Easter note. Elderly neighbours especially would live it and it helps the kids share

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Suzi (02-04-21)

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## Stella180

My mum used to buy an entire box of eggs off the pop man. I’ll have been a big chocolate lover, and a box of 12 Easter eggs of various sizes for just one child was mental. I’d invite friend over to help me eat it all. A school friend once.bought me a big bar of dairy milk as a gift and she got upset cos I hadn’t eaten it straight away. It took me 9 months to eat it.

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## Suzi

I like SM's idea. I'm sure you've people in the village who might like them?

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## Jaquaia

I don't really know many people in the village yet, and the ones I do have grown up children.

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## Suzi

A local woman's refuge? We have a group around here who distribute to those who are need - do you have something like that? Foodbank?

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## Jaquaia

No idea really. I'd assume so

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## Suzi

Although, you could adopt the "not my problem" attitude and get James to sort it...

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## Jaquaia

I suggested sending them to Cruella since they're with her on Easter Sunday but J wasn't keen. Turns out he wasn't keen as he knows she'd hit the roof if she saw how much they'd bought.

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## Paula

> I don't really know many people in the village yet, and the ones I do have grown up children.


That made me giggle. Apparently Im a grown up and Id be very happy to have chocolate parcels appear on my doorstep  :(giggle):

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## Jaquaia

Half of what annoyed me so much is I have very little will power!!!

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## Stella180

Dress J up as the Easter bunny and get him to deliver them to less privileged kids.

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Jaquaia (02-04-21)

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## Suzi

Or just go hide them round the village and let everyone have a huge hunt!

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Stella180 (03-04-21)

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