# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  My Gf Suffers from Anxirty and depression

## lonelyman123

Hi My Girlfriend suffers from anxiety and depression, and has irgnored me for the last 3 weeks (appx) , and pretty sure she has blocked me on whats app.

we have know each other just over a year, we meet online and hit it off straight away and meet for our first date the same day.

over the next few weeks we had over half a dozens dates, then one night i waited outside her house for nearly 2 hours, i went home and will admint was really worried that something had happened to her.


she evently got back to me three weeks later telling me what happened, and she was going thru a bad time.

i admit my reaction wasn't perfect and had a little go at her  as she was constently logging into the dating site a week later i told her that i really missed her and was in love with her. about 3 weeks after this i asked her to marry me, which resulted in her blocking my phone number.

a few weeks after that she reached out to me and we started to see each other again which is great, 

when it was time for her birthday, and one of her kids birthday, i sent her some money (alot) for her and her kids present.

Unforttanley this resulted getting her benfits stopped, which i know had an effect on everything, 

about six weeks after this she was told that her benifits were stopped and she had to pay back about 3 months worth of back rent. or they would kick  her and her boys out, (i know that some of this may have been an over reaction)

As you can imaging what she was thinking of doing for the money, Thiers nothing wronf with this but I told her that i would be their for her and found the majority of the money she needed to cover her back rent and money until her benefits had kicked in. (alot of money)

Before this we talked and decided to take things slowly, which was ok.

The last time she spoke/Suppose to meet me she said that she wasn't doing very well and had gone to see her family up north.

I told her to take care of herself and her kids and when shes back we can catchup.

The only thing is unfortunately as i have been unable to cover most of her bills/as her benefits are back she has decided that she no longer wants to see me and is scared what my reaction might be or she has been doing the unthinkable for money.

I Know she has blocked me on whatsapp as a friend but their sim in my phone and opened up whatsapp and could see her on their (she told me she uninstalled it)

This has made me think did she not go up north and just didn't want to see me or had "other" plans.

I know that i don't have the right to stop her doing them "I did tell her it would upset me only cos i would worry about her and what impact it would have on her" maybe she thinks i wouldn't forgive her, but i can and already have.

I need to let her know that ignoring and lying to me is wrong, and is what is troubling me but don't want to come across to much like a D*ck or rude.

I also feel that she may have conned me over this as i made my feelings for her known

Dont know what to do as i she is the only person i have ever felt this way about

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. It sounds like you've lost a lot of money and haven't been treated very well. I think you deserve to know what's going on and how you stand. Can you text her to ask her?

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## lonelyman123

Thanks, yeah i want to ask her whats going on but don't want to come across as too strong/pushes, and jerkish.

we only ever slietly discussed her prevous relastionship and i got the impression that her "Depression has always been their and she may have felt that it effected her past relastionships"

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## Suzi

Has she thought about getting help? Seeing her GP?

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## lonelyman123

Yeah she recently had them increased to 30mg, i can't remember of the top if my head what she told me she was on, but i think one is the UK version of Valium, i do remember reading about the side affects and it did say that memory loss was one of them, but im not sure what type of memory loss or how bad, we all forgot little things occasionally   

and yeah she is seeing a GP, or at least was until a few weeks ago / last year the last time we spoke about it. 

Is Speaking about her depression/Anxiety the right thing to do? or not?

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## Suzi

Thing is, each medication takes between 4 - 8 weeks to get fully into a persons system, then each change in dose has the same time frame. 
I can't tell you what the "right" thing to do is, but I know for me I was living with my (now) husband and I had to talk to him about it, because I didn't understand "it" or the effects it was having on him. There was only me and our 3 young babies... You know her, you'll know the best thing to do. You have options though, text, call or write and email or a letter - that way you can say whatever you need to without it becoming an argument.

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## lonelyman123

Thanks, yeah I know I need to send her a text as she probably won’t take my call and will block me.

Even if that is for a few days I know I won’t like and might say something I will later regret.

I also forgot to mention that she had one of my credit cards for use in emergencies food/house hold stuff etc And has used it, I have know issue with this but she could have said thank you or something so might bring that up as well as it is a little unfair on me for her to do that I told her she could use it tho but hoped she would at least say thank you

Suzi I’m asumeinf you husband is the one with depression and you are coming from my point of view?

Would like to get the opinion from someone of the other side I know from m reading other posts and articles that when you have bad moments that doing the smallest of tasks can be hard getting out of bed/going out etc i know that everyone is different but does having someone their help you or make you feel guilty/even worst I know that it’s only been a few weeks since she last spoke to me but the hardest thing right now is the not knowing she she’s at right now when I have sent her a message she just seems to ignore it, I would prefer her to be honest and tell me that she needs her space or what it’s the not knowing that Is hard for me I know that might come off as a little selfish on my part

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## Paula

Hi and welcome. Depression is no excuse for treating people badly. Thing is, from what youve said, theres a lot that would concern me - starting with people dont just get thrown out for owing rent, theres a whole legal process that has to happen which can take months. Obviously I dont know the full facts but Id be questioning her motives. Having said that, depression can cause us to do things we shouldnt or that we know are damaging to ourselves and the ones we care about, when we need help to get through this.

I think you need to work out what you really want and talk to her about it.

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## lonelyman123

Thanks, the issue with the rent she had her bengits stop and taken back meaning she owed three months rent, from speaking to her the letter stated that they would start a repossion order unless she paid back her back rent (calling it rent as half is mortgage and the other half’s is rent) from the phone calls she hadn’t with them they got aggressive I know from experience that they can do when you owe them money and as stated she was worried about what she may have to do to find the money, (escorting/selling her self said it now) i told her not to worry and that I would find the money for her which I did, and now he benifits have started up again or at least the end of January they did she is now ignoring me 

I know from experience that this does have an affect on Sone as I went to school with someone who had to turn that to feed her drug habit and it was a viscous cycle which ended up in not a good place 
I know I need to talk to her But part of me is putting it off as as soon as I ask speak to her she may Block me or just continue to ignore me

How long to I leave it if I text email her today to her back from her I can’t wait another few weeks and don’t really want to push her as 1 I will say something I regret and 2 might end up reporting her if she continues to ignore me

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## S deleted

Ok Im gonna say it and you’re not going to like it but is this about her illness or about you? You feel hurt for the way things have turned out and it’s easier to blame her mental illness for everything that has gone on than to face the fact that it’s possible you’ve been played for a mug. No offence but it sounds like you’re better off cutting your loses and moving on cos the only thing you’re getting from her is heartache.

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## lonelyman123

Thanks Tbh I’m really not sure which is why I have posted on here for advice as this is what’s ots for 

and yeah I do feel slightly hurt after all regardless on how someone is feeling the least they can be is polite and honest.

But on the other hand I don’t really know how she’s feeling is know from the past when she not doing well she tends to what her space.

Everyone has their own copying mechanism when dealing with stress feeling bad mine is to seek advice hence why I am on here and then spending a few hours in the gym lifting wieghts as did that last night and again tonight everyone acts differently  but then sometime the same 

It may also be me as well, after all how would you feel if you were going thru a bad time and your bf or gf accused you of Lying or being dishonest to them, it’s Valentine’s Day on Wednesday so I’ll text her later and ask if she’s up for meeting me And that we need to talk about  what’s going on between us

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## Suzi

Don't do it on Valentines day - there is so much pressure applied to the day and if she says she isn't interested then you'll feel awful and dread every valentines day after that one... 

I think you need to find out where you stand... I'd give it a week or two..

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## lonelyman123

Thanks I think I’ll leave it till next week just mean some til then 3 hours in gym every day

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## Suzi

Why are you spending 3 hours in the gym every day?

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## lonelyman123

Lol it’s my coping mechanism for dealchecker no with stress when she Ignored me last time I felt like crap my whole body hurts nothing I tried helped me feel better expect going to the fun And light wieghts helped I figured hay if I’m in pain their might as well be a reason for it, pyhsicla pain has can deal with but emotion paI’m I found difficult

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## Suzi

Fair enough...

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## Trompair21

When I read this thread, It made me more interesting because I have a friend who suffered from anxiety and depression. I know theses comment can help my friend.

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## Suzi

Glad you think it'll help!

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## ppowl

I think you deserve to know what's going on and how you stand. Can you text her to ask her?

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## Paula

This is a 2 year old thread, ppowl  :): 

Wed love to meet you properly. How about you start your own thread in the introductions section?

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Suzi (06-02-21)

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