# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Mattu *SU trigger*

## mattu

Hi There,

I have suffered from both anxiety and depression for over 20 years. With the anxiety I was scared of most thing, I was never comfortable with strangers or groups of people or any form of change in my life. I was scared of doing something in case it was the wrong decision and I was scared of not doing something in case it was the wrong decision! If I was driving and someone pipped their horn at me I would be nervous wreck for the rest of the day. If someone knocked at my door and I was not expecting anyone I simply would not answer it. I hate anti depressants as I had a bad effect with them many years ago so I was just coping as best I could. I have always thought that I have missed out on life really but I was always more comfortable living in a way I felt I could cope with.
With depression a low day was probably a normal day for me, I did have good days, :Swear:  I even had good weeks but I would say the norm was me feeling a bit low which I got used to and accepted. :Swear:  A bad day could be anything from me avoiding people and feeling crap to crying most of the day and feeling that I did not want to be here. I didn't really want to die I just didn't want to be alive, if that makes sense. I regularly thought about ending my life, but these were mainly just thoughts. 
At my lowest point I did want to die, I remember watching a program on the television where someone put a gun in their mouth and pulled the trigger, it actually excited me, the thought that if I had a gun I could end how I felt, luckily in the UK getting hold of a gun is not an easy thing to do. I did plan to end my life twice but this was a long time ago and luckily I was not brave enough to carry it out. 
I have been taking a natural supplement for coming up to 6 months now, I did not take it for either anxiety or depression I took it for other reasons for which it has helped me.. However I have to say for the first time in as long as I can remember I now feel normal. I have more confidence just to deal with the crap that life can throw at us all, I am happier more level headed and for the first time in as long as I can remember I feel free from anxiety and depression, not everyday is perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I feel that I am  a different person and friends and family have all noticed such a difference in me.
 A friend of mine who also suffers similar to myself has been taking this for 3 months now and she feels so much better, she has struggled with going to work for years but she is far less anxious than she has ever been  and she is coping far better with every day life. She has been on anti depressants for almost 10 years and has reduced the amount she was on and is thinking about finishing with them altogether. Both my parents are on low doses of anti depressants, my mum due to in the last 2 years she has had lung cancer, open heart surgery and and 4 months ago she fell and broke her ankle in 3 places. My dad has had Parkinson's for the last 5 years and anxiety and depression are a side effect of this disease. They have been taking this product for 2 months now and are both noticing a difference.  
I hope you can see that I have been open with you about myself and I hope you can see that I am genuine. I feel if I can help just one person it will be worth it, if I can help hundreds or even thousands then brilliant. I know that it sounds too good to be true, and that can be a problem, all I can do is tell you how it has effect me and that of people I know personally. 
If you have read this far, please just think 'what if' I think so many people could benefit from this, a few  months ago the son of a family friend committed suicide because of depression, I keep thinking  'what if I had found this earlier, would it of saved his life'. 
Go to this site.

link removed as per DWD policy

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## Paula

Hi Mattu and welcome. Ive moved your post to your own thread so it doesnt get lost among somebody elses. Ive also added a trigger warning, to ensure other members can avoid it if there is something they would struggle with.

Its great youve found something which has helped you but Ive removed the link as we like to get to know our new members before we let links through

Youve had a rough few years with your parents ill health, do you have any support?

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Suzi (27-03-18)

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. I'm glad you have found something to help you.

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