# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  Guilty feeling newbie

## Ruby

Hi all.
I have visited this site and others a few times just reading what others have to go through. This is my first ever post and I feel incredibly guilty in doing so.
It is my partner who suffers with depression, ptsd and anxiety. He has always suffered with depression and anxiety but the ptsd cane after an extended life changing stay in hospital which left him disabled. I had to give up work but now manage to work a very menial part time job. We have 2 teenage children. He is on meds and regularly see a psych but nothing is improving and it has been going on for nearly 10 years. I know what he has is an illness/disease and just because you cant see it physically doesnt mean that its not there. I suppose I just want to vent, (cry to myself) really. The mood swings are getting worse, he snaps at the children more even though they are just being teenagers and by no means being rude. I feel so sorry for them having to deal with this when they should just be enjoying life. Nothing I do makes any difference with him, he is always wallowing and I cant do this any more.  Like I said I feel incredibly guilty and also selfish for posting this but I have had enough. Every day is the same, its all about him and his problems and how he is feeling. He just cant see how much me and the children are struggling too.
I just dont know what to do any more. I feel broken.
Sorry for the essay.

----------


## Angie

Hi and welcome to DWD.
Firstly do not feel guilty, it is hard for people to deal with and help people with depression, anxiety and ptsd, in some ways they are selfish illness' if that makes sense?
Have you thought about seeing your gp and explaining what is happening and how it is affecting you and the children and seeing what help he can offer you all?

----------



----------


## Jaquaia

Sweetheart, it's not selfish at all. You need support through this just as much as he does.

----------

Angie (25-03-18)

----------


## Suzi

Hi and welcome. We don't "do" wallowing here lol, and I promise you that you are no where near selfish and you have no need to feel guilty at all! 

Sweetheart has he ever actually come to terms with the fact that his life has changed? When did he last have a medication review?

----------



----------


## Paula

Hi Ruby and welcome. Sweetie, you have just as much right to your feelings as he has to his. Being a full time carer is enormously hard and youve been doing it a long time. As Angie has said, itd be worth seeing your doctor who may be able to refer you to a support organisation, or offer other help. You dont have to do this alone  :(bear):

----------



----------


## Ruby

Thank you all for your replies and kind words.i mentioned to him before about me seeing gp as I think I need antidepressants too and he said there’s no way I am going on them too, he said him being on them is enough. It just doesn’t seem to sink in with him what an effect he has on others especially the children. My daughter has just gone upstairs in tears because he is in one of his moods and she thinks it’s something she’s done wrong. I can’t cope with him upsetting the children anymore when they have done nothing. My heart breaks for them as they have missed out on so much because of our circumstances and I wish I could do more for them. Constantly feel stuck between a rock and hard place. I can’t say anything to him as that sends him deeper into himself. I know none of this is his fault it’s the illness, I just don’t know what to do or say and I have had enough of constantly walking on eggshells and panicking in case the children make a comment that is normal to everyone else but sets him off.
Sorry to keep moaning.

----------


## Jaquaia

Say whatever you need to say here.

----------


## Paula

Its none of his business if you have to get help from any source, especially your doctor. Please make an appointment, lovely.

Hunni, I suffer from mental health problems and have done most of my life. 5 years ago I had a fall which led to life changing injuries and Im now disabled. Its been enormously hard but at no point did I blame or mistreat my husband or children (who were 11 and 15 when it happened).  Just because hes ill does not give him the right to act like that.

----------

Angie (25-03-18),OldMike (25-03-18),Suzi (25-03-18)

----------


## OldMike

Hi and and welcome to DWD you're not being selfish in the least. I can't really add anything to what the previous posters have said.

You need to see your doctor if your health is being affected.

----------


## Suzi

Paula's totally right. I am physically disabled and my husband has mental health illnesses and yes there are things our kids have missed out on, but they are now 17, 14 and 13 and I'm so amazingly proud of them. They are kind, empathetic and try to see the best in everyone. 
Sweetheart there is no excuse for him being horrible to you or your children. 
If you need to see a Dr about the way you are feeling then do that. It's not up to him whether you do or don't....

----------

