# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Those unhelpful phrases people say........

## Rah

I know that are certain phrases that we dread to hear and just smile through them when people mean well, but i might need to be told some of them, especially from people who know what its like to be in darkness.

My depression and anxieties come from a work situation where a manager had systematically destroyed my confidence and self esteem over a few years.  Despite my various complaints to HR and Senior Management they wouldn't deal with this manager, i've had CBT and even persuaded the company to give me assertiveness training, so i could attempt to handle the managers behaviour better. ( Instead I used it to get a new job  :(rofl): )

I now have a new job, i'm 8 months in and i love it!  My new manager is great and the complete opposite of the previous manager.  I had a low point in December and told my manager about my depression and anxiety and the reasons why and he was really supportive and said i'm doing fine, not to worry and if he can help in anyway to let him know.  

Sounds great doesn't it! except when your anxiety is doing overtime, i've spent years having my work criticised, corrected (or so the manager thought he was doing) being disagreed with, even though we'd agreed it prior to meetings, generally just being made to look and feel stupid in management meetings, external meetings etc.

I now have a manager who doesn't feel the need to check my work or what i'm doing during the day, he asks me for my opinions and lets me talk in meetings and trusts me to do my job.  I should be in my element, but my 'happy face' has a full time job aswell now, i'm so worried about screwing this job up, i compare myself to others in the team who have years of experience, which i know i shouldn't do and my manager tells me not to do, I'm scared of letting my manager down and all because i cant kick the anxieties from this old job, I'm actively working through each issue/trigger as and when i get them but i get new ones i hadn't expected.

So dare i risk asking........Do i need to pull myself together, cheer up and just enjoy my new job and stop worrying?????

Thanks

Rah x

----------


## Paula

Thats easier said than done, especially given your experience but Im sure that, with time, you will be able to trust that this is not like your old job. You will be able to relax ...

----------


## Suzi

> So dare i risk asking........Do i need to pull myself together, cheer up and just enjoy my new job and stop worrying?????


I don't think anything's that easy - though I wish it was!

----------


## Rah

i wish it was that easy too, sometimes i think the worrying is force of habit,

----------


## Suzi

It is, but maybe you could help by "worry, worry, worry BUT this is positive..." instead?

----------


## Jarre

people are only ill if they look ill  :@:   I hate that one.

----------

