# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Is this depression?

## Rahella

Hi everybody, I'm new here and struggling with some stuff. This is probably gonna end up as a huge post, so I apologize in advance. And also, I'm not a native English speaker so have mercy on my skills  :): 

Anyway, I'm now 30 years old and I never was a particularly happy person. Not even as a child, and especially in my teens. But honestly I never saw that as a problem, I kinda thought that was normal.

Truth to be told, I hadn't have the greatest childhood: when I was 4 a wore was raging in my country, my dad died then and my mom and I fled. After 6 years we moved back. The war was over, but the country was (and still is) a mess. So we struggled financially as a family and so did I when I moved out.

I had a lot of jobs, non that I liked particularly - well, most of them I hated - but I needed the money. My free time I spent going out and drinking a lot (which I thought was normal then, now I'm not so sure about it). As the years passed by I just felt worse and worse about it all. My life was boring, it had no meaning to me what so ever and I just kept going because... You know, the only out wasn't an option because it would devastate my mom.

And I also had some hope that at one point all of a sudden something would change for the better and everything would fall into place and it'll be great. Well, now I'm 30 and that hope is kinda gone.

The thing is, I have no idea what could happen to make me feel better. In the meantime I got married and I love my husband very much. We moved to another country and I earn good money here.

But I still hate my job (and I literally have no idea what I would like to do - whichever job I can think of would make me sick after a while) and my life is so repetitive and boring. Everyday I go to work, I'm just counting the hours until I'm home and when I'm home I don't know what to do with myself. Going out isn't as fun as it used to be and I don't really have other stuff that I enjoy (like drawing, reading...). 

So is this depression? Or am I just like that?

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. We can't diagnose I'm afraid, that would have to be done by a doctor, but going through everything you've been through I was wondering if you've ever had counselling for any of it? I can't imagine what it must have been like growing up like that and fleeing your home... 

Just so you know, your English is perfect!

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OldMike (26-07-18)

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## Paula

Hi and welcome to DWD.

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## Sissy

Hi there, and welcome. What comes to your situation, I dated a guy with a background abit like yours for several years. He lives in Bosnia. In his case getting any counceling was hard, it was pricy and there simply was not enough money for it. I visited the country many many times, it is stunning but still in shambles. So I see why many may be struggling and go with out diagnosing. I hope you have a chance to see someone to get help. I am not a native english speaker either, as long People understand what we try to say, our language skills are enough.

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OldMike (27-07-18)

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## OldMike

Hi Rahella welcome to DWD, unfortunately we're not medical practitioners so can't give a diagnosis only a doctor can do that. Your English language skills are excellent  :):

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## Flo

Hi Rahella...welcome to DWD :(hi):  yes your English is excellent, as is Sissy's! I'm not surprised you're feeling the way you are. You've been through a lot for someone so young. You don't say what country you live in..but don't say if you'd rather keep it private. With your english language skills have you thought of looking for a job like a translator, or maybe in an airport as ground staff...we have quite a lot of Bosnian people in Somerset where I live and they have cafes etc and are doing well. Keep posting. Sometimes getting things off your chest and getting a bit of encouragement can help. Lovely to meet you. :(bear):

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