# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Building a new life

## Jaquaia

So I've been living with J for 10 weeks now. I tend to do the majority of the housework while he's at work though he objects to that. The way I see it is he is paying all of the bills and providing for us, so I will contribute by doing the housework. I am actually resting today. I've painted the window seat, changed A's bedding and washed and dried the dirty bedding, done a load of washing and argued with the cat.

Sat reading now!

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## Stella180

And that’s a rest day? Feet up, cuppa and good book sounds like the way to spend the afternoon.

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## Jaquaia

Well I'm sat down so to me it's resting!

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## Stella180

I’ve got outta bed for the gardener, guitar practice while he was here and back to bed again. Getting spooned by Talia. Lol

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## Suzi

That's loads! Glad to hear you're resting. I can't believe it's 10 weeks! Sometimes it feels like you two have been living together forever and sometimes it feels like only yesterday!

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## Jaquaia

He nags me to rest almost as much as you lot do  :O: 

It will be nice to start getting some of my stuff here and make it feel more like my home, rather than J and the childrens home. We never had much chance because of lockdown. I just brought necesseties... clothes, toiletries, uni work and books.

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## Suzi

That will be brilliant! 

How's the drinking going?

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## Jaquaia

Not great. I get in trouble for that too...

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## Suzi

Good! 

How much have you had to drink today?

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## Jaquaia

I'm on my 3rd or 4th glass. 4th I think.

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## Stella180

How big are the glasses?

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## Jaquaia

Erm... biggish!

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## Stella180

200ml is classed as a glass and you’re supposed to have at least 8 of those a day so that is 1.6ltrs. Of course in hot weather you need to drink more than that. Did you ever buy a water bottle with the measurements on in the end?

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## Jaquaia

No but had one that held 800ml. The glasses are bigger than 200ml

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## Suzi

Have you thought about putting a jug of water/squash/something you like to drink in the fridge and keeping note of how much you drink?

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Stella180 (01-06-20)

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## OldMike

It doesn't seem 10 weeks since you moved in with J doesn't time fly  :):

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## Suzi

Morning gorgeous, how are you doing today?

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## Jaquaia

Tired. Have washed T's bedding so that's on the line drying and painted the window seat again so resting now. Currently waiting for the pharmacist to ring me for a medication review with my new doctors.

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## Strugglingmum

10 weeks with J!!!!! I'm sure you are glad you got to do lockdown with J rather than at home. The time was just brill.

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## Jaquaia

I was only supposed to be at his a few days as we'd decided on Easter but I had a feeling that a lockdown would be announced. The look on his face when he realised I wouldn't be going back to my parents was well worth it though. You would've thought he'd won first prize in a competition!

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Strugglingmum (02-06-20)

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## Stella180

He did! You were the prize.

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Paula (02-06-20),Suzi (02-06-20)

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## Paula

Shes not wrong  :):

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## Jaquaia

I wouldn't go that far!

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## Suzi

I would! I totally agree!

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## Stella180

Amazing how all these wonderful ladies who claim to be always right seem to agree with me on a regular basis lol

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## Jaquaia

Suzi has a certificate... wonder where she got that from...  :(:

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## Stella180

Yeah well, we all make mistakes. I’ll admit that I am only ever right when it doesn’t involve my own life.

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## Suzi

It's always easier to deal with other people's issues rather than your own...

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OldMike (03-06-20)

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## OldMike

^^^ What Suzi says.

You've landed on your feet there Jaq and the icing on the cake is you've got that adorable little guy" Toby the cat" as your bestest mate  :(giggle):

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## Jaquaia

He's a little twat!!! J's dad dropped some boxes of books off and he sat in the box on top of them! Then when J started sorting them yesterday he sat on the bookshelf he needed and wouldn't move  :(rofl):

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OldMike (04-06-20)

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## Paula

Thats what cats do .......

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## Suzi

Cats!

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## Jaquaia

It's all new to me, I've either been around dogs or rabbits, very rarely cats.

Decided to start gutting T's room as it looked like a bomb had exploded in there. He's not going to be happy as he won't find some things but he was warned several times that if he didn't do it, I would be. Currently laid on our bed in front of the fan trying to get a second wind!

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## Suzi

OO poor T!  :(rofl):

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## Jaquaia

Poor T??? I found dirty socks under his pillow when I changed his bedding and his dirty pjs were slung under his bed, that's after multiple warnings about putting stuff in the wash! His 5 year old sister can manage it without being told. I've spent hours with him in his bedroom sorting out and it looked even worse than before we started and we'd managed to tidy half the bloody room! 

I've hoovered right through, changed our bedding, washed, dried and put away the old bedding, moved a DVD rack, tidied up a little downstairs, washed up, cleaned Toby's litter tray, emptied bins and put rubbish out and now my hip hurts, my hands are stiff and the bottom of my back is aching.

I think this is why J doesn't trust me to behave when I'm home alone...

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## Paula

Dirty clothes?? Is that the worst you can come up with???? Try 10 pieces of chewing gum stuck to the carpet!

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## Jaquaia

I ignored the bluetack stuck to the carpet and he needs to be reminded every day to change his boxers or he'll keep the same one on for a week... Besides, he's 10. He's generally not allowed chewimg gum just yet! There's plenty of time for it to get worse!!!

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## Suzi

But 10 year old boys think they are invinceable! They are, of course top of primary and looking towards secondary... Want to come and sort my girls' bedroom out?

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## Stella180

You’re more than welcome to come and sort my bedroom out. It’ll make T’s room look immaculate in comparison.

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## Suzi

Morning love, how are you? What's on today's agenda? Are you pacing?

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## OldMike

Isn't it normal to put dirty socks under your pillow  :(rofl):

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## Strugglingmum

If I put A's socks beneath my pillow i would never waken again :(giggle):

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## Jaquaia

> Isn't it normal to put dirty socks under your pillow


NOOO!!!!




> If I put A's socks beneath my pillow i would never waken again


 :(rofl): 




> Morning love, how are you? What's on today's agenda? Are you pacing?


Had my bloods taken at my new doctors surgery, been to do my mums meds, been shopping, put it all away, unpacked 2 boxes of books and now sitting while J goes to pick the kids up.

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## Suzi

That doesn't sound much like pacing...

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## Jaquaia

Needs must today!

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## Suzi

Then are you resting now?

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## Paula

Hmmm but the books might have waited. Im worried about you love, you dont seem to stop, and most of what youre doing is physical work or study with little else, it seems to me. How are your pain levels?

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## Stella180

Am I the only one who isn’t worried? I’m confident that J will be taking good care of Jaq. I may have a few small concerns but I guess I’ve learned my lesson about speaking out on certain topics.

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## Jaquaia

> Then are you resting now?


Sat looking at a party food book with A planning what we can make for T's half birthday. She's excited at being able to help.




> Hmmm but the books might have waited. I’m worried about you love, you don’t seem to stop, and most of what you’re doing is physical work or study with little else, it seems to me. How are your pain levels?


They would have but my mum has been badgering me to collect the books as for some reason they were stored in the shed and my neighbour has caught a few mice. J carried them to the car. He's off for a week now and has already said I need to rest. 

I have some stiffness and have even started wearing my ring splints again. I'm not sure if it's because I'm doing too much or it's because my methotrexate has been reduced. Speaking of which, I need to try and ring rheumatology tomorrow as I took my last injection today and the delivery company hasn't received my new prescription when I spoke to them last week...

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## Suzi

Hunni, you do seem to just not stop. Will you try to work on pacing? How much have you had to drink today? Have you eaten during the day at all?

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## Jaquaia

I will try. I have eaten and been drinking though probably not enough.

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## Stella180

That will change

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## Suzi

So if J is off, does that mean you will be pacing?

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## Jaquaia

I'll be homeschooling today

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## Paula

Are you sharing the homeschooling?

Have you been drinking?

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## Suzi

Are you enjoying the homeschooling?

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## Jaquaia

We ended up giving the children the day off as we had a skip to fill and the weather forecast is awful, so we did it while we had some dry weather. A tends to do nothing at her mothers, here they both tend to prefer me to help them with school work. I do enjoy it, especially when A grasps something new that I've taught her. 

Speaking of drinking. I'm sure Stella is trying to tell me something...

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## Suzi

That's an epic bottle, I wonder where she got it from, my girls and I could both do with it!

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## Paula

Dont get me wrong, Im betting you make an awesome teacher!

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## Jaquaia

I try my best!

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## Stella180

Like I said, I don’t nag and a don’t do subtle. No excuses anymore for not drinking enough.

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## Jaquaia

Today I've done a wash and dried it, folded it, and made 2 lots pf chocolate concrete. Then we're watching Onwards again with tea  :):

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## Stella180

Have you got pink custard to go with the chocolate concrete?

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## Jaquaia

No. House full of faddy eaters!

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## Suzi

Lol! I made a cross between choc concrete and a brownie  :O:

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## Paula

I feel such a failure - I never made chocolate concrete.. or brownies for that matter  :O:

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## Stella180

Paula I’ve heard about your kitchen skills so am sure your family is great fun you’ve not tried making those things lol

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Paula (06-06-20)

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## Strugglingmum

Ok so what is chocolate concrete????

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## Suzi

I'll stick the recipe to what I made in a recipe thread  :O:  It's *insert sarcasm* really difficult......

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## Jaquaia

This is chocolate concrete. 



This is the recipe I use http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/9885/...-makes-it.aspx

At school we always had it with pink custard.

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## Paula

> Paula Ive heard about your kitchen skills so am sure your family is great fun youve not tried making those things lol


Pah! The cheek!

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## Suzi

Seriously Paula - check the recipe I've just posted, it's fab!

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## Paula

The reason Im so bad at cooking (the rumours are true) is that I have no interest. I might, however, show Jess the recipe lol

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Suzi (06-06-20)

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## OldMike

> The reason I’m so bad at cooking (the rumours are true) is that I have no interest. I might, however, show Jess the recipe lol


I do not believe it, I'm sure you could rustle up something tasty  :O:

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## Suzi

Morning Jaq! How are things today?

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## Paula

> I do not believe it, I'm sure you could rustle up something tasty


Mike, hunni, Ive been known to burn peas.....

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## Stella180

Your talents in the kitchen Paula rival my own. I use the smoke alarm as a timer lol

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## Jaquaia

> Morning Jaq! How are things today?


I'm tired. We're just popping out for a few things, the children could do with some time out of the house too. Then I'm going to do some baking with Thomas and cook dinner.

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## Suzi

How's the pacing going? lol

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## Paula

Are you going to get a chance to rest?

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## Jaquaia

I'll try. Baking with Thomas tomorrow now as the tins J has are unsuitable.

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## Suzi

So are you resting?

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## Jaquaia

Making tea.

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## Suzi

Any resting yet?

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## Jaquaia

Sorted A's work out for the week and now sat down.

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## Paula

Whats todays plan?
Are you drinking?

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## Suzi

IS J helping with the children's school work too?

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## Jaquaia

> What’s today’s plan?
> Are you drinking?


Schoolwork then baking cupcakes with T, then probably a film with the children.




> IS J helping with the children's school work too?


He is. We all sit at the table together and both help them. It takes 2 of us to keep A focused some days!

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## Jaquaia

He's done really well for a first attempt! He did it all on his own, I just guided him!

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## Stella180

They look yummy! Good job T.

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## Suzi

Those look great! Well done T!

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## Paula

Oooo yum

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## Jaquaia

They tasted lovely too!!!

Going to print out T's work for tomorrow then find something to do for me.

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## Stella180

Run a bath, lots of bubbles, and a good book.

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## Jaquaia

Can't be bothered. We had to talk to T over an issue and A still hasn't settled and it's just verging on ridiculous right now.

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## Paula

Whats the issue?

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## Suzi

Oh no! What's happened? Are you OK?

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## Jaquaia

All sorted. Me and his dad had a long talk with him and he went to bed feeling a lot better. He's said he wishes I was his real mum though. ..

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## Suzi

Awwww that's lovely.

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## Jaquaia

Lost another half a stone! 5st 2lbs loss in total so far!!!  :(party):

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## Suzi

Wow! Go you! So are you pacing today or running round after everyone?  :):  How's the drinking?

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## Jaquaia

Been homeschooling. Both children have been a pain but T more so than A. What should have only taken around 2 and a half/3 hours has taken all day. A ended up sat on the bottom stair at one point too. T has been warned that if necessary, if we have the same carry on tomorrow then he'll become acquainted with the bottom stair too. Now making toad in the hole and roast potatoes again for tea, it seems to be quite popular! And I don't mind as it's chucking it down and just thoroughly miserable here today.

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## Strugglingmum

I cant imagine how difficult it is homeschooling 2 young ones (actually I can and it makes me shudder!!)
Well done. I dont have the patience and 1 of mine in particular always knew how to push every button I had!! I confess I was awfully impatient at times. I'll share a terrible incident which we laugh at now but at the time I felt like the worst mum in the world!! We have academic selection here for secondary school which means testing in the autumn term of last primary year. My eldest is so brainy but a real clown and could never understand the importance of learning stuff. We used to do a lot of work at home to prepare for these tests. I was explaining something... for the zillionth time 1 day and he wasnt even really listening and just messing. Swallowing my impatience I asked, "do you get it now, does that make sense?"
His reply was, "i just dont think I'm meant to understand this" and grinned in his most cheeky way.
I flipped!! I slammed the pen down and yelled, "are you really that thick or are you just pretending?"
I was horrified as soon as I said it and he just shrugged and didn't care!! ..... I was right all along mind you.... he is the most qualified child I have and constantly doing more courses to further himself..... on his own terms. 
If I had to homeschool dear knows how many times those words might trip from my mouth!!

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## Jaquaia

I've done most of it today as J was rapidly losing patience. Both of them are intelligent but A is still learning the basics so needs a lot more help, whereas T starts his final year in primary in September. He'd not read instructions, asked for help straight away rather than try, and was constantly asking for help even though he could see that I was sounding out words for A to write out. It got really frustrating

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## Suzi

Try the "read, think, read, try, read, check then ask for help" method. It's definitely something to stall the immediate requests for help and gives him a structure too.

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## Jaquaia

The issue is his mum refuses to help him. He said he's asked her before and she just tore his work up... so he'd only get that structure here.

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## Paula

Its a good job theyve all got you in their lives...

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## Stella180

Why would she do that? That’s gonna upset the poor lad.  Actually I’ve just remembered who we’re talking about here so yeah, she does it cos she is a hateful abusive biatch!

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## Suzi

Wow, so caring and nurturing! 

What's on your agenda today?

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## Jaquaia

More homeschooling then maybe baking a cake with A for J's dad if there's time as it's his birthday on Sunday

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## Suzi

You seem to be doing so much! Are the kids mostly with you atm?

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## Jaquaia

They have a week with us every 4 weeks. They go back to their mums today.

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## Suzi

Are you enjoying having them? They sound as if they're having a great time with you!

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## Jaquaia

They can be hard work but A has done some great work with me this week and T has realised he's not being let off no matter how long it takes. A said she likes me more than mummy...

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## Suzi

Aww. Are you enjoying spending time with them?

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## Jaquaia

I am. It's hard sometimes but they're my family now and I love them like they were my own

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Strugglingmum (11-06-20)

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## Paula

That made me grin!

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Jaquaia (11-06-20)

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## Suzi

> I am. It's hard sometimes but they're my family now and I love them like they were my own


That's epic. I hope you frame that and you look at it every day! 
It's meant to be hard, and you're battling 2 sets of rules and expectations. But those little people are some of the luckiest in the world to have you there to love and guide them. You're amazing.

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Jaquaia (11-06-20)

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## Jaquaia

Realised I've not updated in a while. Nothing much to say really. Fatigue is bad today and my hands have been stiffer than normal, but 2 weeks without my injections won't be helping. I've just had a phone call though and I'm getting a delivery on Thursday. The next week is busy. It's Father's day on sunday which means popping into Hull to take my dad his card and presents, popping to J's parents to take his dad his cards and presents, then making sure J has a nice day with the children. I have a telephone appointment with the rheumy nurse on Monday. Tuesday we need to go shopping really as it's T's half birthday on Thursday so I need to make a cake, bake some sweet treats and cheese straws and prep food as we're doing him a birthday tea, except J is on nights! (T's birthday is Christmas Day which is a rubbish day for a birthday, but even more so for a child, so they celebrate his birthday properly 6 months later as it tends to get a bit lost with it being Christmas). Also, we have homeschooling to do Monday and Friday.

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## Suzi

2 weeks without? Blimey hun.. Hope that the delivery turns up super fast and you get to get back on the meds asap.... Hopefully that should help the stiffness and the fatigue. 
Most of next week sounds fun - Are you going to be in charge of the homeschooling whilst J sleeps if he's on nights?

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## Jaquaia

J finishes starts nights on Monday and his last shift will finish Thursday morning. They're with their mum when he works.

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## Suzi

Oh OK! I didn't know that! 
How's the homeschooling going? Are you and J getting quality time together too?

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## Jaquaia

Some. When they're with us, A often doesn't settle until after 10pm so it's harder then. And when they're not with us he's working. The children mostly work well here.

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## Suzi

That sounds hard from a relationship point of view - especially one which has just started living together...

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## Jaquaia

We get evenings together when he's on days, afternoons when he's on nights, and he only works 14 days in 28 so it's not as bad as it sounds. And the children behave better with us so we get plenty of family time. And he always looks after me, I'm under strict orders to rest today as even getting dressed exhausted me today.

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## Paula

Im glad youre resting, you dont seem to have stopped since you moved in

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## Jaquaia

I physically can't do it today, I've done 2 washes and that's it as that doesn't take much energy, but even that is tiring today. I'm injecting the minute the driver hands me my meds, and hopefully getting back on track with the methotrexate will help

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## Suzi

I sympathise I've been the same for the last 3 days. Literally standing took too much energy...

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## Jaquaia

Yep! I ended up sitting down and I'd showered and dressed this morning. Going across to the shop ended with me needing to sit down for an hour. I'm glad I've already wrapped all the Father's Day presents as I don't know if I'd manage them today. Still been able to outsmart J though. He keeps checking up on me to make sure I'm resting so I sent him a photo of the last curtain I was hemming for the playhouse. He reminded me that I'm supposed to be resting so I pointed out that sewing is relaxing and may help unstiffen my hands and asked if he'd be happy with me sat cross-stitching... yes. I asked what the difference was.

Game, set and match to me!  :(rofl):

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## Suzi

I'm glad you've been sitting at least! That's cool!

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## Jaquaia

I wasn't capable of much more if I'm honest

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## Paula

How are you feeling this morning?

Btw, Im very impressed youre listening to your body. Hows the drinking?

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## Suzi

How come it's been 2 weeks since you last had your meds?

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## Jaquaia

Drinking isn't great but better then it has been. Tired today but J has had a nice day so I'm happy. A got him a Stone Roses t-shirt, T got him a wagon kit for his layout and they got him a mug between them too then we went to Kiplingcotes Station and had a picnic. It's was shut in the 60s and J and the kids like it the. I was determined he was going to have a lovely Father's day where he wasn't left feeling like an afterthought and seem to have succeeded. My dad and f-i-l both loved their presents too.




> How come it's been 2 weeks since you last had your meds?


My rheumy hadn't sent a prescription to the delivery company. I'm assuming my phone call reminded them that it needed sorting.

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## Suzi

I'm glad J has had a nice day and both dads liked theirs too! Have you had a nice day love? You seem to say about everyone else, but not you.... 

I'm glad they have got it sorted, they've taken their time about it...

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## Jaquaia

It's been nice. I've struggled a lot this weekend because of various reasons, so it was nice to feel a bit more level.

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## Suzi

Do you want to talk about those reasons?

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## Paula

Love, I am feeling atm that youre skating over the top of whats going on in your head.....

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## Jaquaia

Not really. There's nothing anyone can do to change things.

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## Stella180

No probably not but sometimes sharing with people who care is enough to help get things straight.

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Jaquaia (21-06-20),Suzi (22-06-20)

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## Strugglingmum

:Panda:  just leaving this here.

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Jaquaia (21-06-20)

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## Suzi

What's going on in your head love?

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## Jaquaia

At the moment I'm just focusing on homeschooling. A has finished her maths, subtraction to 10, and she wants to do her reading with J as it's based on one of their favourite bedtime stories. T is finishing his english and then has his maths to do, decimals to fractions.

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## Suzi

But what about you? What about how you are feeling?

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## Jaquaia

I'm ok. Irritable, it's TOTM and I have stomach ache, plus I had to miss 2 days of ADs too as I couldn't get into Beverley to collect my prescription and J was at work. Public transport is almost non-existent here.

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## Suzi

Oh no! Missing your meds isn't going to be helping how you are feeling, esp with the methotrexate too. I'm sorry love! Can you get the meds delivered to you where you are?

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## Jaquaia

J picked them up this morning. It's just things have crowded me at once and overwhelmed me. My rheumatology nurse is repeating the referral to physio and wasn't impressed that my prescription had been missed. If they aren't delivered on Thursday then she wants me to ring and leave a message for her and she'll chase it up, and she wants me to ring straight away if it happens again as she said they could have done me a prescription to pick up from the hospital. She wasn't impressed that no one got back to me.

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## Suzi

I'm not impressed either! 
Do you know why things have been overwhelming?

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## Jaquaia

The usual really

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## Suzi

Want a hug?  :Panda:  :(bear):  :Panda:  :(bear):

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Jaquaia

Hugs are always welcome

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## Suzi

Hugs are always freely given...

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Paula

Health wise youre dealing with a lot and your life has completely turned on its head - in a good way but it still has an impact. Its completely understandable youre overwhelmed - I would be too *adds more hugs to the mix*

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Jaquaia

It's the little things. J's best friend revealing the gender of her baby, finding photos of them looking like a happy family when T was born, photos of them and gift cards from their wedding while sorting the summerhouse out. I get he has a past but it's always in my face at the moment. My mum ringing me amd getting a sarcastic "oh I do have another daughter then?". Or the phone call before that asking if I wanted to give the dollshouse my grandad made me when I was 4 to Scarlett to "keep it in the family". All that on top of everything else was just too much and I cracked.

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## Stella180

Yeah I get it. Probably more that you realise. I also know that you are nowhere near ready to hear what I have to say about it and if you’re looking for hugs from me you do bugger off lol. You know I love ya mate.

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Mira

I am sending a hug over too  :(bear): 

A lot of us can relate to times when so many things build up and can have a huge impact. And the things you mentioned are all things that would give me the same feeling. But J seems to be the kind of person that can understand it if you talk to him about it?

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Suzi

Oh hunni, that sounds like an awful lot to be trying to deal with. You're right he has a past, but hunni so do you. Could he not move things so it's not always in your face? You seem to be doing an awful lot of the moving stuff around when you really shouldn't be - especially not atm when you're run down, and not right with meds - and totm too. Hunni you're only human - superhuman, but human none the less. I think any of us would struggle with all of that! You need to talk more, get it out of your head.... I'm glad you've started talking...

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Strugglingmum

I'm so sorry hun, that's a lot to be dealing with.  :Panda:

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Jaquaia (22-06-20)

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## Jaquaia

I ended up breaking down completely on Saturday. I have no idea how I kept it together when J got back with the kids. Oh and I missed out the part about how J's dad rang me and went on about how neither him or J's mum remembered their trip to Rotterdam (I mentioned finding a disc of photos when sorting the summerhouse) and then started going on about their expensive honeymoon to Egypt. J was livid when I told him. Probably not surprising that I ended up crying like a baby at bedtime, proper snotty sobbing. I've not cried like that in a long time.

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## Suzi

Ouch! That's almost like rubbing your nose in it! I'm so sorry love... Come 'ere love and have a cwtch or several....

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## Stella180

Maybe breaking down like that was exactly what you needed. It’s good to let it out.

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## Paula

Sometimes, we need to have a snotty sobbing session.....

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## Suzi

How are you this morning lovely...

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## Jaquaia

I'm tired. Only just getting up

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## Suzi

:Panda:   :(bear):  Are you going to be able to properly pace today?

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## Jaquaia

I'm going to paint the trim on A's playhouse and we're going shopping when J gets up (he's on nights), other then that, I will pace as much as I can

----------


## Stella180

I’ve just been lay in bed for the past few hours cos I can’t be bothered to get up. Having a lazy pup giving me cuddles is a good excuse to stay put lol

----------


## Jaquaia

I need to rest today as I have a shedload of baking to do tomorrow!

----------


## Paula

What you baking?

----------


## Jaquaia

Chocolate concrete, flapjacks, white chocolate caramel shortbread, cheese straws and birthday cake

----------


## Suzi

Wow, why so much?

----------


## Jaquaia

We're doing T a tea party for his half birthday and his grandparents are coming across too, since his birthday kind of gets lost at Christmas.

----------


## Suzi

Ahh yes, sorry you did mention that! Can you spread out some of the baking, so it doesn't all have to be done in one day?

----------


## Stella180

Happy half birthday for T. All those goodies you’re making sound yummy.

----------


## OldMike

Half birthday that's a new one on me, it's a really good idea if your birthday is near Xmas and New year.

----------


## Jaquaia

I can do the biscuit for the shortbread and chocolate concrete today

----------

Suzi (23-06-20)

----------


## OldMike

Chocolate concrete  :(giggle):  wow I'm learning a lot today  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

His birthday is Christmas Day Mike, hence them giving him a half birthday.

----------


## Jaquaia

Dying here! Send cold drinks and ice lollies! Even the cat is either sleeping under the bush in the garden or sleeping in front of the fan yet dickhead here is baking!

----------


## Stella180

So stop being a dickhead and leave the baking for another day!

----------


## Jaquaia

It's T's half birthday tomorrow so it needs doing. There's only the cake left to do though just burnt my finger on caramel. That stuff is  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ing hot!!!

----------


## Suzi

Could you buy some stuff to try to cut down on the baking or do it when it cools down? It's blinking hot here too, it's not my favourite at all...

----------


## Jaquaia

We bought mini sausage rolls and cocktail sausages so I don't need to bake them. I've made everything else, there's just the cake, then tomorrow it's just making buttercream, melting the chocolate for the caramel shortbread, cooking pizza and garlic bread and making sandwiches.

----------


## Suzi

Blimey love... That's not a short list - especially in this heat!

----------


## Jaquaia

J will help me when he gets up. Today I've made the chocolate concrete, caramel shortbread, flapjack, cheese straws and the 2nd piece of the cake is in the oven. Plus I've done the washing. I should probably try and behave more when J is working but he can't tell me off when he's at work or asleep after a night shift... he has been checking on my drinking since he got up though and constantly topping my glass up.

----------


## Suzi

But love, that's loads.... What happened to pacing? Couldn't the washing have waited?

----------


## Jaquaia

It probably could have but I was running low on underwear and A has favourite pyjamas, which were all in the wash.

----------


## Paula

Hope T enjoys his half birthday party  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

If the cake tastes as good as it looks, I'll share the recipe!

----------


## Suzi

Awesome!  :):

----------


## OldMike

You'll have to post a pic of the cake it sounds scrumptious.

----------


## Suzi

Can't wait to see pics!

----------


## Jaquaia

It would have gone better with icing but he wanted white chocolate buttercream

----------


## Stella180

A Lego cake!!! That’s soooo cool

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Stella180

Save me a bit  :O:

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Paula

Ooo yum!

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

Did you make those lego bricks? That's an awesome cake! Marc would love it! (He loves lego)

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Stella180

> Marc would love it! (He loves lego)


Not filling a stereotype there at all lol

----------


## Suzi

I know!  :):

----------


## Strugglingmum

Looks fabulous Jaq. Well done. Xx

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> Did you make those lego bricks? That's an awesome cake! Marc would love it! (He loves lego)


https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/324070112931
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/324070124893
Melted white chocolate and chocolate food colouring.

The in-laws bought me a beautiful bunch of flowers as a thank you  :):

----------

OldMike (26-06-20),Suzi (25-06-20)

----------


## magie06

Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20),Stella180 (25-06-20)

----------


## Stella180

^^^ yep wss

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

I agree too!

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Paula

They obviously adore you  :):

----------

Jaquaia (25-06-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It took me aback a bit as I wasn't expecting anything. I did everything I did as I wanted T to have a memorable day.

----------


## Paula

Which is why they adore you

----------

Jaquaia (26-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

Exactly! I assume he had a wonderful time?

----------

Jaquaia (26-06-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Everyone did Suzi. I wasn't impressed that the children had had hardly anything to drink while they were with Cruella during the day though. It was ridiculously hot and they told us they'd only had a bit of water before they left for the zoo and a slushy that they didn't even like while there.

----------


## Stella180

So now you understand why we nag you about drinking. It’s not nice when someone you care about isn’t looked after is the most basic ways.

----------


## Suzi

That's ridiculous of her! 

Glad everyone had a great time lovely. 
Hope you're resting now?

----------


## Paula

How are you feeling?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired and overwhelmed. Not having a great day but we've come out for a picnic and it's lovely and peaceful. Can't hear any traffic, just birds, bees and crickets.

----------

Stella180 (26-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

Wanna talk about it? What's overwhelming you love? Is it just you and J or plus little people?

----------


## Jaquaia

Little people. J thinks it's because I'm pretty much a new parent and all new parents get overwhelmed at times. It doesn't help that I'm tired and too hot and achey

----------


## Suzi

Have your meds arrived yet?  Hunni, you're dealing with a lot right now and yes you are a new parent, but you're not only learning on the job, you're having to share and know that they aren't being looked after or have the same ground rules etc when they aren't with you. Along with your own issues around children. You've just worked for several days whilst also keeping on with all the housework, home learning and everything else when you haven't had your meds and this heatwave has screwed my system, so I'm sure it's similar with yours...

----------


## Paula

Suzis absolutely right, you know. You need to give yourself a break sometimes, and maybe that sometimes means not being superwoman (Im sure no one would have minded if youd bought in a few more things for the party, for instance - and if they do, refer them to me and Ill tell them what I think of that). You seem to be trying to prove yourself, lovely, and you so do not need to do that - youre awesome, just as you are

----------

Stella180 (26-06-20),Suzi (26-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

Annoyingly, as always, she's right you know....

----------


## Stella180

Jaq, give yourself a break mate. In your shoes I would have sat back out of the way and let everyone else get on with it cos there is no way I could cope. You are such a special person and no one wants to see you push yourself to breaking point.

----------


## Jaquaia

Having a couple of days were my body feels like lead and like I'm wading through treacle. I'm back on my meds but it's been a bloody struggle this weekend. A has been absolutely vile, fatigue absolutely hammered me yesterday but apparently I needed to get on with it to make the children think everything was normal so had to push myself to go for a walk around the village, and J has insisted on making me talk about what was bothering me and ended up making me feel uncomfortable as I could see T watching to see what was going on. Glad I'm home alone today. I've hoovered right through downstairs and cleaned Toby's litter tray as it made me feel better, mentally at least. My plan for the rest of the day is finish my book. I don't have much left for a great deal more really!

----------


## Strugglingmum

I'm sorry things are so tough at the moment.  Having meaningful conversations can be difficult when kids are around, even though mine are all adults its still difficult.  Sending hugs and understanding  :Panda:   :Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (28-06-20)

----------


## Paula

Erm no. Its ok to tell the kids that youre not feeling well, you need to rest and they can go for a walk without you. It wont hurt them to know you cant always be everything for them, that you sometimes need to put yourself first, and that you wont always be able to smile. It wont hurt J to know that, too

Does it normally take a few days for the meds to catch up when you havent had them?

----------

Jaquaia (28-06-20),Stella180 (28-06-20),Suzi (28-06-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I've never been without the methotrexate for longer than a week so it never normally affects me, but then I was on a higher dose too, so I'm wondering if some of the fatigue and stiffness is due to me being on a lower dose. I've never skipped the vortioxetine before so it's possible that is levelling out in my system and is contributing to struggling. 

I came upstairs to change my book and had to sit down and rest as even just doing that was exhausting.

----------


## Suzi

Hunni, I'm actually really cross that you felt you had to pretend to be OK when you're in pain, exhausted and dealing with no meds etc Sweetheart it's actually much healthier for the kids as well as you to actually say "I'm sore and tired today. Let me sit for a while and then we can xyz" And there is no way that you should have done all the hoovering and changing a litter tray - where was J when that was happening? What about getting the kids to help? 

It's tough, but if you don't show them that sometimes things aren't always rosey and picture perfect then they won't learn that it's ok not to be ok itms?  I wish I could give you a massive hug right now....  :(bear):   :Panda:   :(bear):

----------

Stella180 (28-06-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

J was at work and the kids are with Cruella until Thursday. J actually told me to rest and was annoyed with me for doing all that. I suppose it's the same as at my parents, I feel like I need to do all that I do as I can't contribute financially.

----------


## Stella180

You do know that J asked you to move in because he loves and wants you there with him. Just being there is more than enough. Don’t feel like you have to earn your place there cos you do that by just being you.

----------


## Suzi

But you're there as his lover and the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with! You're not there as the cook, the cleaner, the teacher, the bottlewasher, etc etc etc It's more than ok for you to leave the hoovering or something or buy in things. You are amazing and you are superwoman, but love you contribute far more than the worth of money....... You're his lobster  :O:  (and yes I've just realised you probably don't get the reference because you're either too young or too cool....)

----------


## OldMike

> But you're there as his lover and the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with! You're not there as the cook, the cleaner, the teacher, the bottlewasher, etc etc etc It's more than ok for you to leave the hoovering or something or buy in things. You are amazing and you are superwoman, but love you contribute far more than the worth of money....... You're his lobster  (and yes I've just realised you probably don't get the reference because you're either too young or too cool....)


I don't get the lobster reference either probably 'cause I'm too young and cool  :(giggle): 

Jaq listen to Suzi because you know she's right.

----------


## Suzi

Lobster reference for those too young and cool...

----------


## Paula

How can anyone be too cool for Friends???

Jaq, do you think that I contribute less to my household because I cant contribute financially and Si is the one who works? Si has never thought that - because we are a partnership, everything is ours not his. He loves me and we both know that were in this together. And I believe thats how a relationship should be

----------

OldMike (29-06-20),Stella180 (29-06-20),Suzi (29-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

Completely agree!

----------


## Stella180

Its a good job Si doesnt count on you to do the cooking  :O:

----------


## Paula

> Its a good job Si doesnt count on you to do the cooking


You burn enough dinners, you get banned from the kitchen. Im an evil genius  :O:

----------

Stella180 (29-06-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

J would agree with you all

----------


## Suzi

Why don't you agree?

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't know. Maybe my upbringing, my mum did everything while my dad worked, and when my mum went back to work they shared everything. Feeling like a failure because my body won't cooperate. Hating how useless I feel when I physically struggle to do much. I find the pain easier to deal with than the fatigue. 

J has given me strict instructions to rest today. I've started the washing and not done anything else. I don't need to do much as it's a washer dryer so I don't even need to swap the washing over until it's dry. He even ran me a bath last night and made me go and relax with a book. I just find it very hard to sit and do nothing.

----------


## Paula

At the moment, I can manage some cleaning and do what I can when I can, as hes still working. But Si and I both know there are jobs I cant do - eg hoovering a 3 storey house and lugging washing up and down a 3 storey house - so they're his jobs. I could feel guilty that I dont work and he does, so why should he do any of the housework? But I dont. Because I know, and he knows, that I do the best that I can and he would never want me making myself ill by overdoing things.

There are more important things in life than a perfect house and home made birthday cakes - like time spent with your loved ones, with your health intact

----------


## Stella180

Ok so let’s look at your parents now. Do you thing they equally share everything now? Your mum isn’t any less loved or deserving of her home because she is less able to do all the housework.

----------


## Suzi

I had a similar background. My Mum stayed at home, but then she went out to work too... So we did the housework and looked after the little ones.... When I was working and Marc wasn't, I didn't expect him to do it all, we had a home together, that meant that we sorted it together.... 
Now there are things that I can't do and I ask for help. My children have to help - they always have had to help with certain things, those things have changed since they got bigger and my body protested more... 
It's about being together. You aren't a cleaner, you are an equal partner in a relationship. If the roles were removed would you expect him to do it all?

----------


## Jaquaia

No I wouldn't. And I'm not trying to have a perfect house, just a clean and tidy house that feels like it's my home. At the moment, it doesn't. It feels like their home and I'm just a guest here

----------


## Stella180

There’s only one person who can change that. You. That is only your perception.

----------


## Paula

Hunni, its bricks and mortar. A home is the love the four of you have together, not the four walls you all live in

----------


## Jaquaia

It's how I feel. The loft is still full of her stuff, as is the summerhouse. The house is still full of her decor choices, and I have asked over and over to change things, I've asked over and over to get rid of some things and I'm still waiting. I don't feel like I can do it myself in case it upsets the children. When I am constantly coming across her stuff, constantly looking out at the garden and seeing her stuff, how am I meant to feel like this is my home? When there is more of her stuff here then there is mine?

----------


## Strugglingmum

I can understand that Jaq. I would feel the same. Maybe J needs to hear you clearly when you say you are upset and why. I don't know either of you so I'm not sure what that looks like but it is a conversation he needs to hear again. He is the one who needs to act on this and sort it for you.

----------

Jaquaia (29-06-20)

----------


## Suzi

Really? Why is he keeping it all? Have you talked to him and told him exactly how you are feeling about it?

----------


## Stella180

Jaq, it’s only been a couple of months. Yeah regarding her stuff I’d give her a date to collect it by or it goes to the tip. Don’t mess about, get it gone. She don’t live there anymore. Hopefully that will help massively.
You’ll probably hate me for saying this but as for the decor, you have gone today from saying you feel you need to earn your keep just to live under that roof to demanding the whole place is redecorated. Which is it? You knew the score going it. I’d rather he focused on officially making her his ex wife before I worried about her choices on home decor. You are fixated on all the wrong things. It will all get sorted it time.

----------


## Jaquaia

Yes. And because she won't pick it up. There's around £1000 worth of craft stuff in the summerhouse that she's barely touched. She claims she's clearing room for it as she has nowhere to put it

----------


## Stella180

Pooh, craft stuff? I might have to come and have a look before you dump it lol

Seriously though, give her a cut off date. Its not a free storage unit.

----------


## Paula

Im with Stella on this. Put a deadline on it or it goes down the tip

----------


## Suzi

I agree! Get it gone! If he won't do it, we'll come on a road trip and do it. We don't care  :O:

----------


## Stella180

Or you could build a bonfire and burn it all  :O:

----------


## Suzi

Or we could call it educational and dress as witches and recite "bubble bubble, boil and trouble" and set fire to it!

----------

Stella180 (29-06-20)

----------


## Stella180

Oh I am absolutely well up for this. We have to set a date lol

----------


## Suzi

Jaq - have you talked to him about how much it's upsetting you?

----------


## Jaquaia

Mum has formed a social bubble with sister so she can see the grandchildren. Sister is going down tomorrow to do housework. I need to go do meds so checked with sister when she was going down so we weren't there at the same time. Sister said if I was going in the house she'd have to stop taking the girls as she's not risking it, even though I'd already pointed out that I don't count as a social bubble due to being essential care so have lied and said I sit in the garden to do them as I'm not getting the blame for my parents not being able to see the girls.

Can honestly say that she is one person I have not missed seeing!

----------


## Stella180

Grrrr, she’s such a nightmare

----------


## Suzi

Could she not do your Mum's meds?

----------


## Jaquaia

She's never offered. She does enough to make her look like a nice person

----------


## Suzi

Maybe you could suggest it - at least then you couldn't possibly contaminate things for her girls.......

----------


## Suzi

Hey gorgeous, you're quiet... All OK with you?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok, just tired.

----------


## Paula

Have the injections not kicked in yet?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm not as stiff

----------


## Suzi

You sound really low - how's your mood doing love? How's J? The kids?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm a bit flat but it will pass. The children are with Cruella, A asked if she could stay with us instead. J is on nights so he's exhausted, especially as I had to wake him up as his parents arranged for the cleaner to come this afternoon.

----------


## Suzi

Why are his parents organising a cleaner? Surely they don't know his day to day commitments, or yours?!

----------


## Jaquaia

They pay for her. They started when Cruella moved out as the house was a mess. They have a copy of his roster and checked with me first. They said 1pm when they were here at the weekend and I said no, 2pm at the earliest. His dad then rang to ask for 1pm and got told no again. I'm not sure what's hard to understand about J working nights and rarely being awake by then. As it was I had to wake him up. The idea was to keep her on to make things easier for me but she's done the windows today and I'll be doing them again tomorrow as they're awful. They're so streaky and they're annoying me. I don't think his parents like it that we won't have her in when the children are here.

----------


## Suzi

Can you not tell them you don't need her anymore because you're better and more amazing?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tried but his parents started talking about how she'd lost clients and needed the money. She'll clean the bathroom, hoover right through and change beds if asked. I hate cleaning the bathroom and sometimes struggle with the other 2 so she can stick to that

----------


## Suzi

Fair enough...  :Panda:  They sound quite controlling?

----------


## Jaquaia

They're generally really good and supportive but his dad gets quite offended if you don't agree with him at times. He offered to pay for a new kitchen when Cruella moved out as they knew it needed doing and J couldn't afford it but didn't tell him that didn't include tiling or flooring until the new units were fitted plus the order it was done in wasn't that logical. So we're left with a half finished kitchen while we find the money to finish it, not helped by having to replace the washer. And then they booked in to have the decking replaced, that's booked in for 2 weeks on Monday, and only told us they wanted us to pay a significant amount a few days ago. Contributing isn't an issue, I fully appreciate how lucky J is to have parents who are in a position to, and willing to, do that. It's how late his dad tells us so we're left having to find a large amount of money with very little notice. We would have saved and done these things when we could afford it but his parents wanted everything done so he could have a fresh start ASAP.

----------


## Paula

So, classic case of pure motives, poor execution .....

----------


## Jaquaia

Exactly

----------


## Suzi

Oh, trying hard to do the right thing, but making it all harder in the process.... 

How are you feeling today love?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired. I've redone the living room windows but don't have the energy to even contemplate doing any of the others.

Driving lessons restart on the 26th but I can't stay in Hull as my mum is still shielding, and I think even beyond the 1st of August, my sister would make it difficult if I stayed there before everything is back to normal. So it's looking like me needing to get into Hull.

----------


## Stella180

Why should yet give a toss what your sister has to say? Ask your mum first and if she’s ok with it that’s all that matters.

----------


## Suzi

I have to agree with Sarah...

----------


## Jaquaia

Because I'm not being the reason she uses to stop my parents seeing the children.

----------


## Suzi

Ahhh, makes sense. So what are you going to do? You can't stop driving now, and I'm sure you don't want to change instructor again. How far is it to get to your parents? Can you do it by public transport?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm thinking of changing to the afternoon. With how J's shifts work I would only need help getting to and from Hull 2 days a month. Otherwise it's a bus or taxi into Beverley, a train or bus into Hull, and then a bus to my parents.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds like a long and complicated journey!

----------


## Jaquaia

Yep! Whereas in car it's a 20 minute drive, if that

----------


## Suzi

What does J think about it?

----------


## Paula

Can his parents help?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm going to ask his parents to help. And ask my parents to run me back once a month and they can stay for tea.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds lovely, they'll get to see you happy in your home together with J too. Brilliant plan.

----------


## Stella180

That’ll be nice for everyone.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sounds like a plan :(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Morning gorgeous, what's on your agenda for today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Reading and more getting my uni folders in order.

----------

Suzi (13-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

Reading for fun or uni?

----------


## Jaquaia

Both. Reading Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo but also getting my folders up to date to consolidate my learning ready for my final year. Currently writing notes on antidepressants.

----------


## Suzi

Are you enjoying it though?

----------


## Jaquaia

Uni or reading? The uni stuff I'm working on at the moment is fascinating. And probably safer considering I managed to cut myself with a pair of secateurs when attempting to tidy up a bush in the back garden. Leigh Bardugo is a wonderful author, love her work.

----------


## Suzi

Not read any of hers.... 
I'm so glad you're loving your uni work. 
Oh no! Hope that your injury isn't bad!

----------


## Jaquaia

It's just a small cut but it hurts when you use hand sanitiser! My current work is based on treatment for anxiety and depression. There's an explanation about why antidepressants take so long to kick in too so it's helping me to understand myself too

----------


## Suzi

That does sound interesting! 

Hand sanitiser is a bugger in cuts!

----------


## Paula

Ooo whys that?

----------


## Jaquaia

Antidepressants raise the neurotransmitter levels very quickly (serotonin/noradrenalin) but therapeutic effect is seen a lot later than the pharmacological effect. The theory is that stress damages the neurons in the brain. The body reacts to a perceived threat and increases levels of stress hormones, if these levels return to baseline levels quickly there isn't an issue but if they stay high for long periods then it starts damaging neurons, and even causing them to die off, which would also explain why the hippocampus of patients of depression is often seem to be smaller than those without. So depression and anxiety causes the body to react as if it's under stress. Now there is another chemical acting in the brain and this chemical stimulates the neurons and can promote neuron growth. Levels of this chemical are low in patients with major depression. In studies on rats, scientists have found that serotonin increases the production of this chemical and this gradually stimulates the renewal of neurons and neuron pathways.

----------

OldMike (14-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

That's really interesting!

----------


## Jaquaia

Heading home from Danes Dyke. A and T both managed to fall over in the sea, T has a wet bottom and didn't think of bringing a change of clothes so is still sat in soggy shorts and boxers. A was drenched from the head down and has a complete change of clothes! They enjoyed it though, we all did.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like fun!!

----------


## Jaquaia

It was! Exhausted now though, there's a steep hill down to the beach and we had to climb a lot pf stairs on the nature trail but I love it there. My school took us in year 6 and it's always stayed with me.

----------


## magie06

It sounds so lovely. When Ais was younger we had a lot of wet bums coming home from the seaside. It brings back lots of memories.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds perfectly wonderful! Wet bums on the way home is perfect! 
I once took my kids to go to see my Mum and we took her dogs for a walk in the New Forest with my sister and her children. The kids managed to find a huge puddle and asked if they could paddle - obviously I said yes! It was only when they started to fall over did we realise how deep it was and I didn't have spare clothes for any of them! Luckily my little brother drove up to play with us and he had a boot full of slightly smelly, but dry rugby shirts! So my kids did the 2 1/2 hour journey (and had to stop on the way home for a wee) in smelly far too big for them rugby shirts! It was hilarious! Ben didn't think so and Hazel didn't like the smell, but we convinced her it was high fashion and amazing and Fern was just happy to sleep on the way home!  :):  Good times!

----------

Stella180 (14-07-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

I always claim this is why I keep a messy car..... always something to throw on or wrap round damp bodies. My daughter was always falling in the sea, or into rock pools etc etc. Sounds like a fun time. I miss having little ones.

----------

Suzi (15-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

Me too  :(:

----------


## Jaquaia

Ok. If I'm honest, I've been struggling since Tuesday with fatigue. I don't want to build in rest days after a pleasant day out! I don't like that I'm not capable of very much for a day or 2 afterwards. All I've managed today is 2 loads of washing and putting the pots away and I'm back on the sofa feeling exhausted. I hate it.

----------


## Suzi

I have every sympathy. It truly, royally sucks. I'm sorry love. But I'm really glad you're resting... Can you ask for help with doing the household chores? It shouldn't all fall just to you....

----------


## Jaquaia

J is at work and the children are with their mum. I'm trying to pace and J has told me to sit and rest. He insisted on buying me a new book yesterday so I'm working my way through that. But I see bits that need doing and feel lazy not doing them.

----------


## Suzi

You aren't lazy! You have chronic illness!

----------


## Jaquaia

I guess a big part of feeling like that is I haven't quite accepted that fatigue is a big part of it for me. I think pain and stiffness would be easier to handle.

----------


## Suzi

It is easier, but the fatigue is just as real and just as disabling if not more so than the physical pain...

----------


## Paula

You know youd be saying the same thing to any one of us ....

----------


## Jaquaia

I would be but not quite accepted that I'm important too yet.

----------


## Stella180

You’re important to me.

----------

Jaquaia (17-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

And me....

----------

Jaquaia (17-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't understand why. I'm nothing special

----------


## Suzi

You are to us...

----------

Jaquaia (17-07-20)

----------


## Stella180

Oh Jaq, who are you trying to kid? You’re ALL kinds of special mate lol.

Seriously though, you’re important to me because you are my friend, you are there for me when I need, you have faith in me when I have none, and I have a beautiful crazy pup to cuddle thanks to you. I think the world of you and the ‘rents.

----------

Jaquaia (17-07-20)

----------


## OldMike

Oh but you are special Jaq  :Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (17-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

How are you today love? Are you pacing?

----------


## Paula

You are important and special to all of us here, to J, to the kids. Do not underestimate what you do for the people in your life

----------

Jaquaia (17-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> How are you today love? Are you pacing?


I'm ok. I have paced as much as possible. Had to wash A's sheet as we're having an issue with her not wiping properly after going to the toilet, so remade her bed once the sheet was dry. Washed the towels and face masks, hoovered upstairs too, done some uni work and finished my book.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like you're still doing lots.... The hoovering could have waited maybe?

----------


## Paula

Have you got toilet wipes? Sometimes thats easier for little ones to use than paper.

----------


## Jaquaia

I've just suggested that to J. I may have a wander across to the shop tomorrow and see if they have any.




> Sounds like you're still doing lots.... The hoovering could have waited maybe?


There isn't much that needs doing tomorrow so I can rest more.

----------


## Suzi

So what's the plans this weekend?

----------


## Jaquaia

No idea yet. I'm studying all day as J is at work and he'll pick the children up on his way home but we've not decided what we're doing with them Sunday yet. Monday will probably be the scarecrow trail around the village.

----------


## Suzi

Is J working all week?

----------


## Jaquaia

He's off tomorrow then starts nights on Monday.

----------


## Suzi

How long have you got the children for?

----------


## Jaquaia

Until Monday teatime.

----------


## Suzi

You always do such lovely things with them! I bet they love coming to you!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

We try. Though T has messaged J saying that A has asked to stay there as they have Cruella's boyfriends daughter there and it's made him feel like  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  and sent his anxiety sky high. Last time A said she'd like to stay and J said no Cruella had a massive go at him so he's expecting that. Yet if we kept A every time she asked to stay here she'd never be at her mothers...

----------


## Suzi

That's a difficult one to sort... A case of not being able to please everyone....

----------


## Jaquaia

T wants to live here and A has said she does too. I don't think they realise that if they did they would barely see his daughter.

----------


## Suzi

How do you feel about that prospect of them staying with you if custody was awarded? How's things going with his divorce?

----------


## Jaquaia

I worry that I'm not up to the job. He can file for divorce at the end of October

----------


## Paula

Of course you are! Those kids are lucky to have you

----------


## Suzi

Not up to the job??? Bloody hell love, I'd trust you with my children and I don't say that lightly!   You are far more than up to the job! You are amazing!

----------

Jaquaia (22-07-20)

----------


## Mira

From how I have gotten to know you I am think you would be up for the job and then some. I have seen how you can see things from the perspective of the kids. You see to it that they are taken care of and you validate them. From what I can see its not only that you are leagues above Cruella. She is not even playing the same sport.

Its not an easy situation. Thats for sure. And she is the mother. I can relate to it since I have been I some sort of similar situation. And no matter how difficult the situation might get. Love will see them through. And in your family that you helped create there thats there in abundance.

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20),Suzi (19-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

2 pass 2's and a distinction!!! And the distinction was in my proper sciencey module!

----------


## magie06

Wow!!! Congrats.

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20)

----------


## Stella180

Whoop whoop! Well done.

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

YAY! Congrats!! That's amazing!

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm over the moon, and for once, not thinking I could have done better!

----------


## Paula

I am SOOOOO proud of you!

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20)

----------


## Stella180

I’m happy for you.

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Congratulations.  Well done.

----------

Jaquaia (20-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

J surprised me with a new book, my parents have given me £25 to treat myself (probably books. I know, you're all surprised by that!) and mentioned to the in-laws that I passed with good grades and they showed up an hour ago with an amazing smelling lavender plant! I just need to re-pot it now but been clearing out under the stairs.

----------

Paula (22-07-20),Strugglingmum (22-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

That's lovely! It's lovely that everyone's joining in celebrating your achievement!

----------

Jaquaia (22-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It's not something I'm really used to. I did a lot better than I thought too. Actually looking forward to my final year now.

----------


## Suzi

That's fantastic!

----------


## Jaquaia

In 5 weeks we're going to Cumbria for a few days. It will be my first ever family holiday so I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

----------


## Paula

Thats a beautiful part of the world!

----------

Jaquaia (26-07-20)

----------


## Stella180

My experiences of Cumbria involve excessive amounts of alcohol and playing darts lol

----------

Jaquaia (26-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

Sounds fab! Are you renting a cottage or staying on a holiday camp type thing? Why are you nervous?

----------

Jaquaia (26-07-20)

----------


## scilover

your thought are so meaningful. You think about what both should contribute to a relationship. Congrats

----------

Jaquaia (26-07-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sounds fabulous and something to look forward to. X

----------

Jaquaia (26-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> Sounds fab! Are you renting a cottage or staying on a holiday camp type thing? Why are you nervous?


Holiday cottage. They've stayed there before and the children are excited about taking me this year. A has already told me that I have to watch her on a zipline at the zoo playground.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds fun, I'm surprised you're going somewhere they've been before and you aren't all going somewhere new to explore together?

----------


## Jaquaia

They first went just before Cruella left. She had a burlesque instructors weekend so J took the kids away on his own. The 3 of them love it there and it's very much their place so I like that they very much want me to go. In fact, the kids got really annoyed when I jokingly told them I was staying at home for the peace and quiet!

----------


## Suzi

Ahh, that makes more sense! That sounds lovely that they want you to share their special place.

----------


## Jaquaia

Been awake since half 5, didn't get back to sleep once J left for work. My hands and wrists are stiff and achey today so going to take it steady.

Supposed to have the decking started today but the guy called round last night to cancel because of the weather forecast and I think he got it right as it's chucking it down!

----------


## OldMike

Weather pretty much the same here Jaq just about holding off rain here at the moment but so dark it could throw it down any time soon.

Holiday cottage in Cumbria sounds ideal  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Glad I got another coat of paint on the playhouse yesterday Mike as it's chucking it down here again. I timed it right for going to the village shop! It looks so much better now the white paint that bled under the masking tape has gone. 

Today I will be painting watering cans!  :(giggle):  A has several toy watering cans that are now leaking so I'm painting them various shaded of purple and we're going to plant them up!

----------


## Suzi

You really are so lovely! You sound like you're enjoying doing things like this with A and T. They're lucky to have you!

----------


## Jaquaia

The one with the silver handle, that's the colour planned for the  summerhouse. It's a bit more "grown up" than the one on the playhouse. 

I'm loving putting personal touches to things. I have a paint delivery tomorrow, paint for the garden and the house. The plan is to get the decking painted as soon as it's down. And A is loving growing plants. She has 4 sunflowers on the kitchen windowsill and has grown trailing geraniums too. She's really good about watering them.

----------


## Suzi

Nice colour choices! 
I love that you're putting your stamp on things and making them all about your family. You're fabulous!

----------


## Jaquaia

It's our home so it should be about us all. I have it all planned out in my head. The downstairs toilet is going to he a lovely pale jade green, we just need to get to B&Q for the wallpaper. I have a large tin of satinwood paint coming tomorrow and we have two big tubs of white emulsion so woodwork and ceilings are sorted and ordered a grouting pen for the tiles. It would take me a few days to do. We're going to replace the flooring when we have the kitchen flooring done. We're tiling the kitchen when J is off in a few weeks. Cruella's stuff is going next week  :(party):  :(party):  so I can start stripping the mouldy paper in the summer house. Then it's a case of a cheap wallpaper, paint and reupholstering the sofa bed that she dumped in T's room that he doesn't like and that can go out to the summerhouse rather than pay hundreds for garden furniture, then I can decorate T's room (white and navy) and tidy up A's room (she wants some walls glittery purple!). Then it's just the hall and finishing touches. 

There's a big list on my phone as I've listed everything separately and we're ticking it off as we go. I've probably drove J crazy but it's made me feel like I have more of a say and things are actually organised! I know where I need to start so I won't be overwhelmed.

----------


## Suzi

That's perfect!

----------


## Paula

Yay! For Cruellas stuff going at last  :(party):

----------


## Stella180

*WARNING! STELLA INCOMING*

You seem to have taking control of a lot of stuff regarding the house. I know you don’t feel comfortable there and want to erase all signs of Cruella’s existence and I get that but I’m not sure it’s entirely healthy. J is still married to that creature and going through this divorce is not going to be plain sailing cos she’s a cow and will do all she can to make it difficult. She is still the kids mother (even if that term only applies to her in the biological sense), and she is always going to be involved in your lives because of that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you need to look at yourself and see what you can do to feel more comfortable in your new life and whitewashing the past is only going to do so much.

----------


## Jaquaia

Maybe you should ask before you assume. I have NOT taken control of anything regarding the house. We have DISCUSSED everything, like partners should. We both decided on colours, I showed J suggestions which didn't get decided on if he didn't agree, just as when rooms were decorated before I moved in, he would ask for my input. He asked for my input on the sofa and carpet, I asked for his input on the washer dryer. He told me what colour he would like the fence to be and I showed him options and ordered his preferred choice. The children decided themselves on the colour they wanted their rooms. I have a list as it will be me doing the decorating while J is at work as the only time he's off we have the children so there's no time, and the list helps me work out what needs doing first. And he's said himself that if it were left to him, nothing would get done. She's not lived here in almost 2 years now, why shouldn't we make the place our own?

----------


## Suzi

I think that you making it your family home is the right thing to do. Yes she's still and always going to be in your lives through the children, but that doesn't mean she has to have any input apart from them. Go, make it yours. I think it's about time you had somewhere that you wanted to be as your HOME, not a house. 
My only concern would be you pushing yourself too hard doing all the decorating yourself....  :):

----------


## Stella180

So you haven’t said in the past that you don’t like seeing the colours she chose? Or that you feel like it’s not your home cos J pays for everything? I’m worried about you. No one else is gonna say anything. A coat of paint and a bit of wallpaper isn’t going to change your mindset. Of course you belong there and you deserve to be happy. J wants you there not to cook clean and decorate. You’re not a maid, you’re his partner and it worries me that the way you talk about things you don’t truly believe you belong. Maybe I’m wrong, or maybe I’m a few steps ahead. You know me, I pay attention to the throw away comments and I pick up on the things that aren’t said. I’m not out to upset you, I’m pointing out that there are issues that you need the get right in your head not on the walls.

----------


## Paula

Stella, I dont see any harm in Jaq and J wanting to decorate to make the house their own. When my ex left, I redecorated the whole house, top to bottom, within 6 months. It was really therapeutic and helped me to move past it being our house and it became mine. Sometimes, getting things right on the walls can help with getting things right in the head.

----------

Jaquaia (28-07-20),Strugglingmum (28-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

No I don't like seeing the colours she chose, and do you know what? Neither does J! He wasn't allowed an input into his own house! He's said several times that it was never a home with her so the decorating is as much for those children and J as it is for me. We're turning this into a home.

The kitchen was deep red with black work surfaces and splashbacks, white units and a black blind. It's too small a space for those colours to work the way they were done. It looked dark, cluttered and cramped and felt claustrophobic. It's now pale green with grey units and light wood worksurfaces. It looks spacious and inviting and I now enjoy baking in there. One of the first things J said when he saw the kitchen after it had been put in was he couldn't believe how big it looked. 

The living room was pink and very light brown/beige with a massive dark wood fireplace, the colours didn't go together and I hate pink. Bright pink sofa, bright pink floral curtains, pink walls...I bit my dentist because he tried to put pink rubbers on my brace, so this isn't a Cruella thing, this is a me thing. A's room is overwhelmingly pink but it's her room. This was the living room so where I spent most of my time. Not to mention the sofa was incredibly uncomfortable. Now the living room is light green and grey, with a dark grey corner sofa. It's clearly defined into two areas now, relaxing and dining, it never had that before as the dining table was at the front of the room and it looked cluttered. Now there's more room and it's a peaceful and relaxing room to be in. I'm quite happy to sit in here all day and read. The colours are calming and the sofa is comfy. 

Our room was only half stripped. Now it has denim blue wallpaper and grey accessories. I don't find half finished rooms that relaxing, this we're both happy in. The hallway had a lot of animal print. I don't like animal print and won't buy clothes with it on, so again, not a Cruella thing, this is a me thing! Now the animal print has gone it's just white and I can live with that! It needs decorating to freshen it up, so that's last on the list. The downstairs toilet has peeling wallpaper and the vinyl floor is coming up so it needs doing. T's room hasn't been done since he was a toddler and every other room is getting done so he deserves his room doing to his taste too. A heard me talking to T about how he wanted his room doing and started talking to me about colours for her room so hers is just getting tidied up as it was painted in a rush. Same with the bathroom. 

And I don't feel like it's my home as I have very few of my things here! You wouldn't know I lived here unless you looked in my wardrobe but that's lockdown for you. I do struggle with not contributing, but I think that's a me thing. If my parents were struggling I'd always be happy to lend them money to help out but I would never ask my dad when I was struggling. I've always felt like I should do it myself. It drove my parents crazy! Here, I feel like the only way I can contribute to the house is to do the housework. It's how I saw my parents do it. I even hate that my weightloss is starting to mean I need new clothes as I can't afford to replace them, and certainly not after next week when I restart driving lessons! I've bought all the paint instead, or clothes for the children, or paid for days out, or bought Christmas presents to put away as I think my family should come first. Again, I think that comes from my upbringing as I saw my parents always go without if us children ever needed anything. To me, it's just how it's done.

----------


## Stella180

You have a lot of “me things“ going on.

----------


## Jaquaia

Yes. And not liking pink or animal print isn't going to change. The rest will come when I get used to living in a different environment.

----------


## Strugglingmum

The house sounds lovely Jaq, very calm and relaxing. Once you get some of your own photos and knick knacks up it will feel more like home and I wouldn't want to look at anything the previous occupant had chosen either.
I've always been independent so I too struggled when I took ill and wasnt contributing financially... I had been the main breadwinner most of our marriage, however we adjust and I contribute differently now and we just had to get used to less money. 
Doing all that in the midst of a global pandemic must be so hard Jaq, hats off to you, you're doing fab.

----------

Jaquaia (28-07-20),Paula (28-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I may regret this but I have a bag of glitter additive being delivered today. It's going to be mixed with lilac emulsion for A's room...

----------


## Suzi

OMG Glitter!!!!!! YAY!! I LOVE glitter and sparkles!

----------


## Jaquaia

I may get J to mix it as I can imagine me getting it all over the place!

----------


## Paula

GLITTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :(happy):

----------


## Jaquaia

I've only taken it out of the packaging and I'm already covered...

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Flo

Ooh! glitter!...how exciting! Don't blame you for doing an entire makeover...I did the same when I went to live with Mr Mac in Scotland. There are some things you just have to do! The bedroom was dark purple and black!! Judging by all the pink and animal print I'm beginning to wonder if Cruella was running a knocking shop on the side!! I like your colour choices and the little girl will be chuffed with her new bedroom bless her. There's something very fulfilling about making things nice for children, their whole little worlds change and they want to invite all their mates round for a sleep-over christening. It'll keep you young Jaq. Good for you.

----------

Jaquaia (28-07-20),Paula (28-07-20),Suzi (28-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

> Judging by all the pink and animal print I'm beginning to wonder if Cruella was running a knocking shop on the side!!


This made me laugh far too much! 

That glitter is amazing... Do you think Marc would notice if I mixed some in with the paint we have for the hall, stairs and landing?

----------


## Jaquaia

Less than £9 from amazon! 1 pack will do a subtle glitter effect when mixed in 2.5l of paint. If you want it more glittery then you use more and also buff the paint when it's dry! I will post pics when it's done. 

In between studying addictions I've been painting watering cans again! 2 coats of paint is a massive improvement!

----------


## Suzi

Those are really pretty!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Love the sound of the glitter.wish my daughter was still young enough to appreciate glitter :(rofl):

----------


## Paula

Si is trying to cure my sparkle addiction, especially with the interior decor ......  :@:

----------


## Jaquaia

Next time you decorate, arrange for him to play golf and hand the decorators the glitter once he's left  :O: 

Already up, showered, dressed, have our bedding in the washer, have unpacked the small box of paint that arrived yesterday (I say small but it had 7.5l of various paints in it) and have sorted the recycling. Breakfast now!

----------


## Suzi

Good plan re the glitter! lol

What's on your agenda today? Sounds like you're already being busy!

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

I need to make our bed and hoover upstairs. Other then that, just some study and some raeding or knitting.

----------


## Suzi

Will you pace? Those are both physical jobs...

----------


## Jaquaia

I will try. I currently have the cat sat next to me sulking as I'm in his seat  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

That's hilarious! He's such a character!

----------


## Jaquaia

He's awesome! Just stood up to get a drink and found him like this  :(giggle):

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

On your feet, lose your seat! That's how it works in my house too, but it's either teenagers or a Belgium Malinois or a Willow Minnow in your seat....

----------


## Jaquaia

Oh I'm sat at the table working! But is funny how he nicks your seat. T generally sits at the end of the sofa and the minute he moves, Toby is there!

----------

Suzi (29-07-20)

----------


## Flo

Hahaha!! Typical! Fang is the same. I go and get a coffee and she's on the settee in a nano second!! They aren't daft are they?

----------


## Jaquaia

Well one thing I wasn't prepared for when discussing country living was the number of power cuts we get!

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! Lots?

----------


## Jaquaia

Had at least one a month in the time I've been here. Last night it was off for a few hours as there was a fire at the substation

----------


## Suzi

When I first moved in with Marc I still had my "emergency power cut box" which had candles, matches etc in and was always kept under the sink  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

I have candles and lighters but at 10pm we couldn't be bothered and just went to bed!

----------


## Paula

And that is why Im a townie through and through  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

Oooh!!! We popped to B&Q and I bought plants for the watering cans!!! I'll post pics when they're planted up!!!

----------


## Strugglingmum

My kids always loved a power cut for some reason. Wee weirdos  :(rofl):

----------


## Flo

Yes, we had a lot in the Highlands...there's something primeval about candles isn't there? Always had/have a gas hob so we could make hot drinks and soup etc., even toast held to an open fire.

----------


## Jaquaia

I think this classes as upcycling!

----------


## Stella180

Looks awesome. Great job. However isn’t it gonna be weird watering a watering can?

----------

Jaquaia (30-07-20)

----------


## Paula

So pretty!

----------

Jaquaia (30-07-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

They look lovely Jaq.

----------

Jaquaia (30-07-20)

----------


## Flo

That's really pretty.

----------

Jaquaia (30-07-20)

----------


## Mira

They match great with everything. Good choice.

----------

Jaquaia (30-07-20)

----------


## Suzi

Those are fabulous!

----------

Jaquaia (30-07-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Cruella's stuff has gone!!!  :(party):  :(party):  :(party): 

Project summerhouse refurb can now commence! First job is washing down the walls with bleach and stripping wallpaper!

----------

OldMike (05-08-20)

----------


## Paula

:(party): 

Btw, is the bleach to get rid of her smell???

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo! Bonfire in the garden or did she come and take it? 

YAY!!!!!

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Paula  :(giggle):  the bleach is to get rid of the mould that has started growing in there! 

Suzi, J and a friend of his took it all! She's even messaged J to thank him which surprised me! And as she wanted her bike, we've even cleared a lot of the shed!

----------


## Suzi

Hooray! Thank goodness for that! She's gone! Woohoo! So is that all of her sh*t gone?

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

There's just some things in the loft now and then that's everything

----------


## Stella180

Good bloody riddance.

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

How soon can you get rid of that tat? Bonfire?

----------


## Jaquaia

It will be when we have chance to get into the loft.

----------


## Strugglingmum

I'm really happy for you. Creating space for you to breathe. Xx

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

YAY! 
So, are you feeling more at home? It must be awesome knowing that her sh*t has gone.

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It helps that there's starting to be more of me here, itms, like the planted watering cans. It's a touch that is specifically me.

----------


## Paula

Absolutely makes sense  :):

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

It's your HOME love, you put your flourishes in every inch you want! You're creating such a lovely space for you and J!

----------

Jaquaia (04-08-20),Stella180 (04-08-20)

----------


## Mira

I hope that you soon will feel the warmth you have brought to that house and into the family yourself. I am sure you have brought a peace and calm there that was not there before. That house needs some time after that horrible woman. But it will hug you soon enough and wont let go.

----------

Flo (05-08-20),Jaquaia (04-08-20),Suzi (05-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

That's a lovely thing to say!

----------


## Suzi

He's right you know....  :):  

How are you today? How's your stiffness etc?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm tired and stiff but not been awake long, it generally eases as the day progresses. We're going to Sledmere House today which should be nice

----------


## Flo

Is Sledmere House a National Trust Stately Home?...I'll look it up. But have a lovely time there and hope the weather's ok for wandering around. It's grey and 'mizzly' here in Somerset!

----------


## Flo

Just had a look at Sledmere.....nice little 2 up 2 down isn't it?!

----------


## OldMike

> Cruella's stuff has gone!!! 
> 
> Project summerhouse refurb can now commence! First job is washing down the walls with bleach and stripping wallpaper!


Woo hoo a revamped summerhouse nothing can be better  :(party):

----------


## Paula

Have fun today!

----------


## Suzi

Hope you have a great time lovely!

----------


## Jaquaia

> Just had a look at Sledmere.....nice little 2 up 2 down isn't it?!


 :(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl): 

We all enjoyed it. I loved the walled gardens, have a ridiculous number of photos of flowers on my phone! I was lucky enough to snap 4 different species of butterfly too!

----------

Paula (05-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Sounds lovely!

----------


## Jaquaia

It was! I saw my first ever Red Admiral! And the gardens smelt absolutely amazing!

----------

Stella180 (05-08-20)

----------


## Flo

> It was! I saw my first ever Red Admiral! And the gardens smelt absolutely amazing!


Glad you enjoyed it. We get quite a few butterflies in our garden. Have you got a Budlea (Budlia?) bush in your garden? If not, try and get hold of one from your garden centre...they look like Lilac bushes. When the flowers come out butterflies of all description flock to them and smother the bush,,,you'll get all sorts of exotic ones landing on it. Glad you had a nice time.

----------


## Paula

Bees love them too! My new buddliea is flowering for the first time - I thought it was purple, its white!

----------


## Suzi

Morning Jaq! How are you all today? What's on today's agenda?

----------


## Jaquaia

I want a buddleja! 

Todays plan is lazy-ish morning, lunch with the in-laws, driving lesson, do my mums meds then home to relax!

----------


## Stella180

Say hi to the olds for me. Hope your lesson goes well.

----------


## Jaquaia

Me too. Only had 20 minutes behind the wheel since March!

I will do!

----------


## Suzi

Enjoy the lesson!  :):

----------


## Flo

> Bees love them too! My new buddliea is flowering for the first time - I thought it was purple, its white!


Trust YOUR bush to be a different colour to everyone elses!!....figuratively speaking of course!! :P:

----------


## Suzi

rofl  :(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

Are we still talking gardening, or collars and cuffs? Lol

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

:(rofl): 

My anxiety levels are sky high so back to basics I think...

----------


## Stella180

You’ll be fine once you get going.

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Flo

> Are we still talking gardening, or collars and cuffs? Lol


Ooh! You ARE naughty!!

----------


## Flo

You'll be fine Jaq.....after a few secs behind the wheel it'll only seem like yesterday since you last drove. Don't worry!

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

How did the lesson go?

----------


## Strugglingmum

> My anxiety levels are sky high so back to basics I think...


Hope it went ok and you were able to breathe.  My daughter had her first lesson this week since lockdown.  She was ok once she got going but the instructor commented she was more hesitant and had lost a bit of confidence.

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It went really well but anxiety tells you otherwise doesn't it?!

----------

Stella180 (06-08-20),Strugglingmum (06-08-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

> It went really well but anxiety tells you otherwise doesn't it?!


Always. X

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Well done love! It's always hard to get behind the wheel when you're out of practise!

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Paula

Well done, hunni  :):

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

Anxiety is a liar. You are ace.

----------

Jaquaia (06-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I just drove circuits where I first started lessons and even managed a decent turn in the road. Straight back to banter with my instructor too! But what I really liked was being able to have tea with my parents and they're bringing me home next week and staying for tea. J's parents came to collect me and his dad had a devent chat with my parents too!

----------

Flo (07-08-20),OldMike (07-08-20)

----------


## Mira

Those are all great. I am happy your driving is going so much better. You got this! And that the parents are talking together is good. Nobody needs to be best friends. But being in a nice chat and friendly setting is worth gold. And thats what you deserve.

----------

Flo (07-08-20),Paula (06-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

That's really awesome!

----------


## Jaquaia

OMG! Who turned the heating up??? I've got a coat of paint on the back of the playhouse, and done all the washing. It's dried beautifully but the heat is awful!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oh my goodness.... can I swap for our rain please!!

----------


## Suzi

Glad you've got loads done, but it's far too hot for me 36oC is toooooooooooooooooooo hot for me!

----------


## Jaquaia

It hit 30°C here, cooled down to 29°C now... keep finding poor Toby resembling a puddle! I've had salad for my tea as I couldn't face cooking though J finds it weird that I enjoy eating salad!

----------


## Suzi

I had salad too and Marc bought tiger bread, ham, cheese, pasties for everyone else. I had no intention of cooking either! I love salad!

----------


## Stella180

Who doesn’t love a salad? I could eat it til it came out of my ears.

----------


## Paula

Si did a bbq, Katie and Dom ate with us - but poor Si was sweltering lol

----------


## Jaquaia

Stuffing my face with jaffa cakes as the stupid twatting cat has sent my anxiety levels sky high. It's pretty much dark here and the little  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  has just strolled in, not a care in the world! Dickhead here has been panicking as he's always back before it gets dark and I was worried. He's in the dog house and is now curled up on the sofa sulking with me as I refused to give him any milk. 

Twat!!!

----------


## Paula

He was probably getting it on with a little girl ....

----------


## Jaquaia

He'd have a job, he's lost his furry teabags  :(giggle):

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):

----------


## Flo

:(rofl):  one of our cats (quite old) has developed a habit of miaowing like a banshee at dawn when I get up early with crossed eyes (me not the cat) and trying to remember what day it is! I have a very short fuse in the morning and can do without any noise at all, but telling her to shut the **** up usually does the trick! She just gives me a dirty look! Cats have laws all of their own.

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

> one of our cats (quite old) has developed a habit of miaowing like a banshee at dawn when I get up early with crossed eyes (me not the cat) and trying to remember what day it is! I have a very short fuse in the morning and can do without any noise at all, but telling her to shut the **** up usually does the trick! She just gives me a dirty look! Cats have laws all of their own.


Toby argues back with me! Has to have the last word!

Great start to the morning! Showered, dressed, stripped the childrens beds, got a wash on, poured cherry pepsi on my cereal....

----------


## Suzi

Hmm cherry pepsi cereal sounds... erm... erm... delicious?

----------


## Jaquaia

Autopilot *facepalm*

Luckily I realised quickly and tipped it out.

----------


## Stella180

Ermmmmm, that’s different.

----------


## Jaquaia

Yep! Glad I wasn't having weetabix or I wouldn't have been able to tip it!!!  :(giggle): 

Have painted the back of the playhouse again, opened up the summerhouse to air, hung out the bedding to dry, got A's dress in soak (no idea what she's got down it but 3 washes and it's still stained!), now washing her blankets, and have measured up for the under the bed tent in T's room! It will be a shedload of sewing but the fabric is amazing!

----------


## Stella180

Get yourself a cheap little sewing machine. It’ll make it easier on your hands.

----------


## Suzi

I agree go with a sewing machine!

You've done loads. What about pacing and resting? Are you drinking?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm doing enough to keep my sanity! Restless today so need to be doing stuff. We've unpacked a few boxes in J's workshop and are just going to pick up a few more. Then I'll be reading in the garden or studying. Actually got a bit of a tan this year!

----------


## Stella180

I’ve not seen much of the sun since 2018. Now I’m scared to spend more than 5-10 mins outside when it’s hot. Learned my lesson the hard way with 2nd and 3rd degree burns.

----------


## Suzi

As long as you're having fun whilst you're doing it! What about the drinking?

----------


## Jaquaia

Drinking is going ok but can always be better!

----------


## Paula

Hows the studying going?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not too bad. Need to knuckle down though and get through it. 

Oh and I listened to my body. I was going to make the childrens beds but I was feeling achey so have left them until tomorrow!

----------


## Suzi

Blimey! That's amazing! *Awards Chufty badge*

----------


## Stella180

You’re still giving out Chufty badges? I need to pull my finger out and myself one.

----------

Suzi (09-08-20)

----------


## Mira

Your posts are so much better since making a home. A family.

And I even read you did some pacing? 

I hope you have done some more reading in the garden. That is a great thing to do. If its in the shade. 
And with the drinking. I do worry a little about it. I drink a lot and its not enough. I started making my own ice tea. Its so simple. Just a bottle with water. For one liter I use one to two tea bags. Put them in the water and in the fridge. And a few hours later. Lovely cold ice tea. Just an idea 🙂

----------

Jaquaia (09-08-20),Suzi (09-08-20)

----------


## Flo

Have you tried a bit of Vanish on the stain? It's worked well in the past for me.

----------


## Jaquaia

Mira, I'm so much happier in a village than I ever was in a city, and that's without taking into account that I have a family now.

Flo, I had it soaking in vanish for 4 hours yesterday and it's still not come out and just put it through the washer with a couple of scoops. It's faded enough for her to wear it.

Well the children now have clean bedding, I've done a wash and I've stripped the top layer of paper in the summerhouse!

----------


## Paula

> Mira, I'm so much happier in a village than I ever was in a city, and that's without taking into account that I have a family now.


I love this!

----------

Jaquaia (09-08-20),Strugglingmum (09-08-20)

----------


## Flo

Your happiness was a long time coming so enjoy every moment of it!.....living in the country is nice...nothing threatening except sparrows eating the flowers on yer runners!!

----------

Jaquaia (09-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Couldn't be happier for you love.

----------

Jaquaia (09-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

That will teach me a lesson! Just because my hands are feeling ok doesn't mean I should strip the full summerhouse in one go. Wrists are throbbing today so wearing my compression gloves

----------


## Paula

Not saying a word.......  :Panda:

----------


## Stella180

I’m like that too. Make the most of your good days and end up suffering for doing too much later but at least the job is done now. I hope today involved nothing more strenuous that turning the page of a book or changing tv channel.

----------


## Jaquaia

I've changed our bedding but should have asked J to help. Midnight Sun is massive so even reading for long is uncomfortable!

----------


## Suzi

I'm struggling holding it too! 

Are you resting now?

----------


## Jaquaia

I am. I'm doing a little bit of uni work while J goes to pick the children up and it's easier on my hands than holding that book!  :(giggle):

----------

Suzi (10-08-20)

----------


## Flo

:(giggle):  Is it bigger than War and Peace?

----------


## Jaquaia

Just short of 800 pages so I don't think so but I've not read War and Peace!

----------


## Paula

And why I have my kindle...

----------

Stella180 (10-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I have a Kindle too somewhere with a few hundred books on. I just love the feel and smell of proper books.

----------


## Flo

I couldn't agree more! I love real books for the same reasons as you...feel and smell of them. I hope real books won't be phased out completely. :S:

----------


## Stella180

I personally prefer a paperback to reading from a screen.

----------


## Strugglingmum

I have a kindle account too but love a proper book. If I fall asleep in bed reading A often has to peel a book off my face....its painful when a tablet hits you on the nose or chin....and dont even get me started about drooling on it :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

Yep, that is exactly what has happened to me in the past. Also hardback book are not good for reading in bed either.

----------


## Jaquaia

Try reading hardbacks in the bath! Actually... that could be why my wrists were throbbing this morning!

----------

Strugglingmum (10-08-20)

----------


## Paula

I prefer kindle - but thats because I read so quickly that a 2 week holiday can mean me reading 16 books. Difficult to get in the suitcase  :O:

----------

Strugglingmum (10-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

We're having 3 nights away, I'm taking at least 2 books!  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Lol! I have a kindle too, but still prefer the real thing, and I have the others in the series so I had to have this one! I hope she's doing the rest of them too!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

And the kindle price was the same as the hardback price! Besides, J paid for it  :O:

----------


## Suzi

What's on the agenda for today?

----------


## Jaquaia

J is working so it's just me and the kids today! We're going to sort out clothes to see what they've outgrown, it's easy to get A to do it as I've mentioned making dolls clothes... then we're hoovering the sofa. A asked and is actually excited about it! By hoovering the sofa, I mean I hoover the sofa and they jump all over the cushions! Then we're going across to the grandparents for tea, early bath for A and J will be home around half 7.

----------


## Flo

How lovely..the kids sound so happy. How old is A?

----------


## Jaquaia

A is 5 and T is 10, 11 at Christmas. He's not happy as I won't let him have his xbox controller yet. He shouldn't have woken me up around half 7 to ask for it then!!!

----------


## Flo

Awwww...5 is lovely with a girl....10, nearly 11 will just have to wait then! :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

How has the day been? Did you get them to sort their clothes?

----------


## Jaquaia

We've sorted a lot of A's, half a wardrobe and 2 drawers to go. I have a dress and a pair of pjs she would like dolls clothes making out of. Had tea at the in-laws and had a long chat with my future m-i-l. Currently listening to A playing in the bath and T is going to get a shower then settle down with a film until J gets in.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds perfect!  :):

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sounds like a lovely day.

----------


## Suzi

What's on today's agenda?

----------


## magie06

That sounds like a lovely day. I hope you are going to jump in and out of the sprinklers to cool down today.

----------


## Jaquaia

We're watching Gremlins! We've sorted some of A's clothes and are just relaxing. It's too hot to do much more. Also thinking about my final year project.

----------


## Suzi

Gremlins is ace! Hope you've had a lovely day xx

----------


## Jaquaia

I've been playing on the wii with A and been sat in the garden with J all evening.

Look at what the in-laws bought me!

----------

OldMike (12-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

Lucky you.

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

> I've been playing on the wii with A and been sat in the garden with J all evening.
> 
> Look at what the in-laws bought me!


lovely!!

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Beautiful flowers!

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Paula

Awwww

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Flo

What a lovely gesture.

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## magie06

Thing is - you'll be expecting flowers like that every day! :(rofl):

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

How are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Magie  :(giggle): 

Suzi, I'm ok. A little tired and very proud of J for getting through his counselling assessment and being honest with the counsellor.  My driving lesson went well though and my parents brought me home and stayed for tea. It's the first time they've seen my new home!

----------

Stella180 (13-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

That’s awesome. What did they think? How did your lesson go?

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Paula

Thats so lovely theyve seen it  :):

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

That's lovely that your parents have seen your happy home. X
Glad the lesson went well.

----------


## Suzi

Well done J! Counselling can be so tough. Did you go with him?

So glad your parents came round for tea! What did they think of your home?

----------

Jaquaia (13-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> That’s awesome. What did they think? How did your lesson go?


Really good! Still on circuits but practised bay parking today. Managed to do the full manoeuvre with no input from Bob.




> Well done J! Counselling can be so tough. Did you go with him?
> 
> So glad your parents came round for tea! What did they think of your home?


It was a telephone appointment but she said that I appear to be a really good influence on him. Gave him lots of hugs later too. 

My mum really struggled to get in the house, the front step is HUGE! But it should be easier once the decking is finished.

----------


## Stella180

The old man should’ve carried her over the threshold lol

----------


## Suzi

I know that struggle to get in anywhere! Once she was in did she love it? See you as happy and comfortable as you seem to be?

----------


## Jaquaia

My dad was quiet but my mum gets on really well with J anyway.

----------


## Suzi

Good! I imagine it was quite emotional for them both! Your Mum especially!

----------


## Paula

I only got to see where Katie is living last week - a year after she left home. It was a relief that she was safe and happy, but also tough knowing she definitely wasnt coming home. All ridiculous emotions but it was disconcerting ......

----------


## Jaquaia

Hopefully when the decking is finished my mum will find it easier to get in the house so they can come here more often.

J finishes work for 2 weeks from tomorrow, so we're planning on tiling the kitchen! And sorting the summerhouse. And I'm going to see what I can do in the downstairs toilet. And painting the decking, mocing A's playhouse, start painting the fencing. I'm excited to get started!!!

----------


## Suzi

Where are you moving her playhouse to?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's moving from the back of the garden to the side. The side garden is just wasted space so it will make use of that, we're planning on building a flower bed next to it for A too, and we'll regain a fair bit of space in the main part of the garden.

----------


## Suzi

That sounds fab!

----------


## Flo

Your garden sounds nice....don't forget to leave a bit 'wild' for the flutterbies and bugs!

----------


## Jaquaia

So far I have lavender, aster, dianthus, chrysanthemum, geranium, foxglove and sunflowers. My intention is to have wildflowers growing in the front garden next year.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like you've got it well under control! Is J enjoying seeing how happy and comfortable you are there making it a home for all of you as a family?

----------


## Jaquaia

I think so. He's said a few times that it's never felt like it does now, that before it was just a house but I've made it a home.

----------


## Suzi

Awww!

----------


## Jaquaia

The downstairs toilet is going to be a gorgeous green colour, though you'd think after knowing magie for so long I'd be able to pronounce Galway  :(giggle): . That will be getting done in the next few weeks since A decided to pull a big strip of paper off the wall as a corner was loose! So I stripped some of the top paper yesterday and started painting the fence where A's playhouse is getting moved to. It's rained today so I've got a coat of paint on the walls in the summerhouse, that's going to be jade white, which is a very, very pale greeny-blue. We're reclaiming everything and making it our own.

----------


## Paula

You never stop! Do you enjoy doing the diy?

----------


## Strugglingmum

All sounds beautiful Jaq

----------

Jaquaia (15-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> You never stop! Do you enjoy doing the diy?


I do. It's satisfying seeing something go from pretty awful and tacky to relaxing and calming and more homely

----------

Paula (15-08-20),Suzi (15-08-20)

----------


## Flo

We could do with a decorator like you around here! I'm just useless at it. I've never wielded a paint brush in my life! Your garden is going to look amazing when it's finished. :(y):

----------


## Suzi

What's on your agenda today?

----------


## Jaquaia

> We could do with a decorator like you around here! I'm just useless at it. I've never wielded a paint brush in my life! Your garden is going to look amazing when it's finished.


I hope so! I'm worm phobic so gardening is a nightmare!!! I enjoy decorating and I have a lot of patience so I'm happy taking my time.




> What's on your agenda today?


We're watching the Charlie Brown movie while A draws and going up to the in-laws later.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds lovely!

----------


## Jaquaia

We've introduced them to the Neverending Story! One of my all time favourites.

----------

Stella180 (16-08-20),Suzi (16-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

And one of mine too!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

First lot of textbooks have arrived...

Argh!!!

----------


## Suzi

You'll be more than fine love..

----------

Jaquaia (17-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

You’ve got this mate.

----------

Jaquaia (17-08-20)

----------


## Flo

I love text books, they always smell wonderful!

----------

Jaquaia (18-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

They really do!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Flo, I love the smell of old books!

My second set are dispatched on Friday, which is scary. Already read the first chapter in the project book!

----------


## Suzi

How does it look?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not sure qualitative is for me as ethics say I can't do anything that involves people with mental health issues. I'm going to read the chapters on experiments and surveys as I think I can make a more informed decision then. 

My second module looks interesting; counselling and forensic psychology

----------


## Suzi

OO that does sound interesting!

----------


## Jaquaia

Having one of those days where I can't settle to just do resting things. I've been to buy things to do the tiling, done the shopping, washed the pots, masked up 2 windows in the summerhouse and had to leave it as it chucked it down and was steaming up, helped unpack some stuff in J's workshop and spent the last hour doing uni work. I'm finding it fascinating, but I don't want to stop and take breaks as it just frustrates me.

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like you've done a huge amount yesterday... I hope today is a more settled day for you love.

----------


## Jaquaia

It didn't feel like I'd done much. J ended up commenting that I was rubbish at resting. And I can't get away with resting while he's here and doing loads while he's at work as he's off for 2 weeks!

----------


## Flo

You're achieving quite a lot! You sound incredibly happy and fulfilled and it's obvious in everything you write. Good! Enjoy it.

----------


## Jaquaia

Went into Beverley and hated it. There were far too many people. I even said no to a new book as my anxiety levels were sky high, which probably tells you just how much I was struggling with it!

----------


## Flo

I can quite understand your anxiety. We went to Sidmouth last week and I told Ian I couldn't stand the crowds...no distancing, just a heaving mass of bodies trying to get down to the prom. I'm afraid I can't be doing with it...I'll try again in October when they've all gone home! Better off staying put at home and chilling instead.

----------


## Suzi

Just too many people?

----------


## Jaquaia

It eased massively when we got to the quieter end of town, there were just so many people and social distancing was more or less impossible. I hated it. I felt like I couldn't breathe when wearing my mask. 

TOTM probably isn't helping either.

----------


## Suzi

I've noticed you tend to have an anxiety issue around totm.... Might be something worth talking to your dr about? 

Is Beverley a big town? Sorry my knowledge of your part of the world is more than negligible.

----------


## Jaquaia

Not massively so. It's a lot smaller than Hull, more of a market town.

----------


## Suzi

Apart from totm do you know why today was different?

----------


## Jaquaia

I don't. I just wanted to be anywhere else as soon as we arrived.

----------


## Suzi

:Panda:   :(bear):   :Panda:   :(bear):

----------

Jaquaia (19-08-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda: 
When do you have your time away? Something to look forward to. X

----------

Jaquaia (19-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

We go a week on Monday. I can't wait.

----------


## Suzi

You're going to have so much fun!

----------


## Jaquaia

Anxiety levels still aren't great today but I had a good driving lesson. Turn in the roads are starting to stick!

----------


## Paula

Youre obviously really getting the hang of this driving lark  :):

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo!  :):

----------


## Stella180

When you gonna put in for your test?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not a clue but not any time soon!

----------


## Paula

Because youre not ready or you dont want to add stress just yet?

----------


## Suzi

There's no hurry! You've only just started driving again after lockdown. 

How are you lovely?

----------


## Jaquaia

> Because you’re not ready or you don’t want to add stress just yet?


Both!!! I've not driven any really busy roads yet! 




> There's no hurry! You've only just started driving again after lockdown. 
> 
> How are you lovely?


I'm ok. Tired and have stomach ache, still, it's not as bad as it would be in my early twenties so I can handle this. 

We're heading to Burton Agnes Hall today. It's overcast, windy but very warm!

----------


## Suzi

:(bear):  for the stomach ache lovely. 

We've loads of wind today which makes a change!  :):

----------


## OldMike

I feel a joke coming on.

I went to the docs and said "I'm suffering from wind" so he gave me a kite.

Best get my hat and coat  :(giggle):

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(rofl):

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):

----------


## Jaquaia

:(rofl): 

Burton Agnes Hall was lovely. We stroked a cow!!! And the kids loved the playground there.

Oh and my final textbook arrives! It looks amazing and I can't wait to get started!

----------


## Suzi

Sounds like fun! I bet you never thought the answer to "what did you do last weekend" would be "stroked a cow!"  :(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

Hell no! They were coming up to the ha-ha (I learnt things!) and resting their heads on the edge. One was using it as a scratching post and the other was just an attention whore!

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Strugglingmum

What's a ha-ha???

----------


## Stella180

It a kind of ditch used as a barrier.

----------


## Jaquaia

> What's a ha-ha???


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ha-ha

----------

Strugglingmum (22-08-20)

----------


## Flo

So it's a 'whore ha-ha-' then? :(rofl):  :(rofl):  Ooh new text books! Are you nearing the end of Stage one (120 credits) or have you started Stage two? exciting stuff.

----------


## Jaquaia

:(giggle): 

Finished stage 2 Flo! 2 pass 2 and a distinction! These are my level 3 textbooks.

----------


## Flo

> Finished stage 2 Flo! 2 pass 2 and a distinction! These are my level 3 textbooks.


Ooooh! Well done you! Clever old thing you! I started an Arts and Humanities degree when my dad was alive but he became ill when I was halfway through Level one so I had to give it up.... :S:  I've been looking at it again online...maybe...just maybe!

----------


## Jaquaia

Go for it! The OU have been excellent and have given me so much support throughout my degree. It's one of the reasons I want to do my MSc with them.

----------

Flo (23-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Go for it Flo! 

What are you up to today Jaq?

----------

Flo (23-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

We've popped into Beverley for a few things, cut the lawns, sorted out the car boot and dumped a few things from the shed. Now settling down to watch Hell Drivers since it's raining.

----------


## Flo

Are you cooking Sunday dinner for all of you?.....you really get around don't you?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not today. It's just me and J as he's on holiday so the kids are with Cruella so just something simple today.

----------


## Flo

Sometimes it's nice when it's just the two of you, you can please yourselves what you eat! .....instead of "What's for dinner??"...."When's dinner ready??" Haha! Enjoy your day together.

----------

Jaquaia (23-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Hope you have a wonderful day together!

----------

Jaquaia (23-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It's been quiet but I love the everyday stuff with him as much as I love the days out. I've started sewing curtains for the den under T's bed, I have some fab dinosaur fabric for it!

----------


## Paula

Oh, bless, hell love that! Does he know?

----------

Jaquaia (23-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

You're doing so much to make the place such a lovely warm, welcoming space and a proper home for them both where they will both know they are wanted and loved!

----------

Jaquaia (23-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

He's seen the fabric but doesn't know I've started them. This is it https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/114245898260

I'm using that as a wide stripe with a plain navy fabric.




> You're doing so much to make the place such a lovely warm, welcoming space and a proper home for them both where they will both know they are wanted and loved!


I love them like they were my own. They've lived in utter chaos and still do when they're with her and I want a nice, peaceful and calm space here. I've painted the woodwork in the summerhouse this evening and will give it another coat tomorrow and hopefully get the ceiling painted so we have a nice peaceful space outdoors too.

----------


## Suzi

Your post made me cry. I'm so excited and sobbing with happiness for you, but I'm so overjoyed for them. They are learning what it's like to be loved, wanted and respected which they've never had with her.... That fabric is epic - grown up dinos!  :):

----------

Jaquaia (23-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

You're turning into Paula!  :(giggle): 

I don't take any  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  from them and won't accept excuses for bad behaviour, but I make it clear to them why I'm cross with them without shouting. When we went to Sledmere they were both in trouble yet as soon as I finished telling them off A held my hand and T gave me a hug and told me he loves me. A said she likes that I tell them off without shouting at them. They like that I'll do stuff with them too. A was sat drawing with me yesterday while I did uni work. I'll bake with them, do crafts with them. They don't seem to be used to this. We're making paper chains at Christmas and having 2 trees and they're both excited about that.

----------

Suzi (23-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

How many Christmas lights are you having?  :P:

----------


## Jaquaia

My dad got rid of those :P:

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad they have you in their lives!

----------

Jaquaia (23-08-20)

----------


## Paula

Oi!!!

----------


## Stella180

> My dad got rid of those


Shame. They couldve decorated their tree and yours with them lol

----------


## Suzi

What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Stella, J always said about the village pond!

Suzi, we're going to start tiling the kitchen

----------


## Suzi

That sounds fun?!

----------


## Jaquaia

It's been interesting so far!

----------


## Stella180

Tiling isn’t a hard job but if you’re like me and everything has to me mm perfect it can take a while.

----------


## Suzi

It's way beyond my skill set! lol

----------


## Stella180

Nah you could do it Suzi.

----------


## Suzi

No love, I have no spacial awareness and nothing about me is straight - let alone the lines I can create!

----------


## Stella180

> nothing about me is straight - let alone the lines I can create!


I nearly choked reading that. You daft bugger lol

----------

Suzi (24-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

If I'm honest, it's the first time I've tiled! I've helped my dad but never done it myself.

----------


## Paula

> No love, I have no spacial awareness and nothing about me is straight - let alone the lines I can create!


Im with you there - I cant even walk in a straight line (no joke!)

----------


## Suzi

Me neither, not even with a ruler.... F on the other hand can draw perfectly straight lines freehand!

How's the tiles looking love?

----------


## Stella180

I’ve seen the pics of your tiling affords and I have to say I’m impressed. Grouting is the fun part. What colour are you having? Black or grey would look good.

----------

Jaquaia (24-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

J has tagged me in a pic on fb Suzi! I'm proud of what we've achieved today, we lent a manual cutter and tile saw off my dad but J decided to go buy an electric tile cutter. He's been playing with his new toy, I mean cutting all the tiles, and I've been putting them on the wall! 

Stella, charcoal grey!

----------


## Suzi

That's really impressive!

----------

Jaquaia (24-08-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Well done. A is like J...... loves a new toy

----------

Jaquaia (25-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

Charcoal grey sounds ideal. It’s gonna look amazing once it’s finished.

----------

Jaquaia (25-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Because doing the shopping and some more tiling wasn't quite enough today, I've done some more on T's den curtains...

----------

OldMike (26-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

I really like that fossil design. It’s gonna look ace when it’s finished but the do know you can take a break occasionally.

----------

Jaquaia (26-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

That is amazing. 

How are you today?

----------

Jaquaia (26-08-20)

----------


## OldMike

Nice work Jaq  :):

----------

Jaquaia (26-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired but ok! We're going to finish the tiling today, the weather was awful yesterday so J couldn't use the tile cutter outside and didn't want to use it inside as it makes a mess.

----------


## Suzi

Hope it goes well lovely!

----------


## Jaquaia

We're on the straightforward bit now. Other than one socket it's all straight cuts so should be fine!

----------


## Paula

And then rest?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's slow going as the socket is in the middle of the tile!!! Lots of laughter though. We've broken so many tiles just doing this one bit but we're laughing about it together. It's all new to J as before he would have been abused

----------


## Suzi

So glad you're having fun with it!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Actually sounds like fun. X

----------


## Jaquaia

Resting now! Still not finished as J's friend popped round and didn't stop talking!

----------

Paula (26-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

Did it make YOU stop? I hope so!

----------


## Jaquaia

It did as J's the one cutting all the tiles. I don't trust myself with power tools!  :(giggle):  then I finished my book this evening.

No driving lesson tomorrow as Bob has infected bug bites on his leg and can barely walk, nevermind drive! So finish the tiling first thing, pop to my mums to sort her meds, home for 1 for my injection delivery, then grouting while J goes to the dentist, then the little people are back!

----------


## Stella180

Grouting is fun. Can get messy but it’s fun. I need to call your mum actually. Was gonna call Monday but totally forgot.

----------


## Paula

Ouch, poor Bob!

----------


## Jaquaia

Only just showered after finishing the tiling. We could have had it finished last night if it wasn't for J's friend. It's majorly stressed me as it's already 10 past 11, I need to go into to Hull to do my mums meds and be back by 1pm for my injection delivery so getting very stressed with J who is taking a while to move his arse this morning!

----------


## Suzi

Hope you're on the road to get things sorted for your Mum

----------


## Jaquaia

We are now. Only about 10 minutes away and feeling a little less stressed but not eaten as I was feeling too stressed!

----------


## Suzi

Did you get your Mum's meds sorted? Did you beat the race against time and get yours?

----------


## Jaquaia

I did. I did her enough to get her to my next driving lesson. Got home for 1 and of course they delivered at the end of the delivery window! Still, got a decent amount of the grouting done, in trouble with J for doing too much though.

----------


## Stella180

I need pics with the grouting done.

----------


## Suzi

What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

J and T have gone for their hair cutting so me and A have packed her stuff for holiday! Not sure I'd ever want to go abroad with her, she's taking 2 small suitcases! Half for her clothes, 1 and a half for her toys!!!

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(rofl): love it!! That's my kinda girl.

----------

Jaquaia (28-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):  When do you leave? How long are you away for?

----------

Jaquaia (28-08-20)

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):  that kid is so cool!

----------

Jaquaia (28-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

She's awesome. We go Monday morning and come back late Thursday. Even bought waterproof jackets considering it's Cumbria  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo! Bet none of you can wait!

----------


## Jaquaia

I can't. It will be nice to have some time away to just relax.

----------


## Suzi

Do you have a list of things you want to do?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's more stuff they do everytime they go. Ravenglass and Eskdale Railway and South Lakes Zoo

----------


## Strugglingmum

I'm actually really excited for you. Time to relax and just be with the people you love in different surroundings.  X

----------


## Suzi

I'm sure you'll be able to do new things to all of you so you can all explore and make places "yours" itms?

----------


## Stella180

Sounds like a fun time will be had by all. How long are you away for?

----------


## Jaquaia

4 days 3 nights. I'll share pics when I'm back!

----------

Stella180 (28-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

Good girl. I don’t get to go on holidays so it’ll be nice to share yours  :):

----------

Jaquaia (28-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

It'll be fabulous!

----------

Jaquaia (28-08-20)

----------


## Allalone

Even bought waterproof jackets considering it's Cumbria  :(giggle): [/QUOTE]

Only waterproof jackets?! What about wellies and waterproof trousers? Thats all I wear here.😉 I used to take mine to ravenglass at Christmas time, they do, or they used to, do a special Christmas train. 

Enjoy your time in my home county!

----------

Jaquaia (28-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

They still do! And a halloween service too! J and the kids love it there and I'm looking forward to it!

----------


## Allalone

Hope you enjoy your time away.

----------

Jaquaia (29-08-20)

----------


## Suzi

So are you packing this weekend or are you already packed and ready to go? Lol

----------


## Jaquaia

Kids are sorted, washing today to sort the last few bits out as I'm determined tomorrow is going to be relaxed and not a mad rush to get organised.

----------


## Suzi

Go you! 
Have you had a lovely day?

----------


## Jaquaia

I have! I never almost gave J a heart attack by leaning back when I went high on the swings with A as I obviously am too grown up to go on the swings  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Swings are awesome!!!

----------


## Jaquaia

Tickets booked and printed out for South Lakes Safari Zoo and Muncaster Castle! And My clothes are packed, just meds, toiletries, get J in gear and pack what food we're taking!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Soooooo exciting.   :Hedgehog:

----------


## Paula

:(party):

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Have a completely,  utterly wonderful time away. Enjoy every momment with your family. Xx

----------

Jaquaia (30-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Too late for me to stay home? Had the in-laws all afternoon so J could watch the cricket with his dad, late tea as it didn't finish while 6, kids have been pains in the arse all day, still feel like there's loads to sort and I'm rapidly running out of patience.

----------


## Suzi

Breathe, that's totally par for the course! It's going to be fine!!! You're going on your first family holiday together!

----------

Jaquaia (30-08-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Truly not a proper family holiday unless you end up wanting to kill each other before you leave..... then the fun starts.  :(rofl):

----------

Jaquaia (30-08-20)

----------


## Paula

> Truly not a proper family holiday unless you end up wanting to kill each other before you leave..... then the fun starts.


100% correct!  Have a wonderful time  :):

----------

Jaquaia (30-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Going to start the picnic for tomorrow I think and get my backpack sorted then flop!

----------

Strugglingmum (30-08-20)

----------


## Stella180

You do realise they have food and shops in Cumbria right?

----------


## Jaquaia

A has specifically asked for picnics every day as she likes how I do them!

----------

Stella180 (30-08-20)

----------


## Flo

Now for the picnic.....pretend I'm coming......I want...cold sausages, hard boiled eggs with a little salt bag, tomato sarnies that go soggy, Tesco caramelised onion and mature cheddar crisps and a bit of pork pie!! The kids are probably excited as hell, tea is always late when cricket is on! And it's all getting too much...I remember it well. But you'll have an amazing time because you'll be somewhere different. You are being the quintessential organised mum and want everything to be perfect for everyone and it will be. Have a wonderful time. :(clap):

----------

Jaquaia (31-08-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Well the car is packed and only leaving half an hour later than we wanted to! I think that's a result!

----------


## Flo

Definitely a result!

----------


## Suzi

Hope you're having a wonderful time already!

----------


## Flo

Are you there yet?

----------


## Suzi

Going by FB I think they are there and having a good time!

----------


## Flo

Good!

----------


## Jaquaia

We're here Flo! Very soggy today but we've had sun up to this morning so I'm happy!!!

----------

Strugglingmum (02-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Aww!! You said you are HAPPY! That's awesome!

----------


## Flo

Ooh! Are you all enjoying yourselves? Are the kids having a lovely time? Is the food good? Have a Cumbrian cream tea for me. I hope you and J are able to wind down and have a few drinks in the evening. Cumbria is beautiful..it's where my hubby is from. Be good!....but on second thoughts don't  :(rofl):

----------

Suzi (02-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I'll post some pics when we're back Flo, the views from the cottage are stunning! We're all a bit soggy at the moment but heading back for dry clothes and food now!

----------

Suzi (03-09-20)

----------


## Flo

Yes, I'll look forward to some pics! The cottage with stunning views I can imagine.....it all sounds really lovely. Who cares about soggy when you're on holiday? Even getting food is exciting when it's on holiday...different kitchen and things. Glad you're having such a lovely time. I'm quite envious!

----------


## Suzi

Me too!

----------


## Stella180

I’ve received a few pics that have made me feel extremely nostalgic and very jealous today.

----------


## Suzi

From the holiday?

----------


## Stella180

Kinda. They were car pics from Lakeland Motor Museum they were visiting. It’s left me trying to work out where I can find £8000+ to get hold of a tidy classic Ford again. I can dream.

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  A MkII Escort drove past us yesterday and that was one of Marc's first cars. He's gutted he sold it!

----------


## Stella180

I loved the mk2 Escort. My dad got rid of his when I was about 10 and I was gutted. FAB 183S was the reg. I wanted one as a first car but ended up with a Mk1 Astra which took some punishment. Then I got my first Capri and several more followed.

----------


## Jaquaia

Home!!!

This is where we stayed 

And the view from the garden

What a difference a day makes!

----------

OldMike (04-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Wow that looks awesome! Did you have a great time?

----------


## Jaquaia

Loved it. Muncaster Castle was brilliant, we saw an owl flying exhibition and had to keep ducking as they kept flying at our heads  :(rofl): . The zoo was very, very wet but they've given us a free ticket that's valid until the end of October because it rained 

And I loved the railway! The motor museum was fun too

----------

OldMike (04-09-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Sounds fabulous Jaq. 
So delighted for you all.x

----------

Jaquaia (03-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I just want to be that meerkat!  :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

> I just want to be that meerkat!


On ya back with your legs spread?

----------


## Jaquaia

Relaxing under a heat lamp! It was so cold and wet that day that the zoo gave us free tickets to go back! My bag is still damp!

----------


## Stella180

Did you all have a good time though? That’s the important part.

----------


## Jaquaia

Loved it! We're talking about going for longer next year.

----------


## Paula

Looks amazing - the Lake District is a truly beautiful part of the world. If wet.....

----------

Jaquaia (04-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad you had a lovely time!

----------

Jaquaia (04-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> Looks amazing - the Lake District is a truly beautiful part of the world. If wet.....


We only had 1 wet day! The Tuesday was beautiful, we were all in shorts!

----------


## Suzi

That's fabulous! What were the best things you did/saw?

----------


## Flo

What gorgeous photos! It really is a lovely place. Definitely worth another visit..even in the rain. So pleased you had a lovely time. Long overdue!

----------

Jaquaia (04-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> That's fabulous! What were the best things you did/saw?


It was the scenery for me. It was so peaceful and quiet and absolutely stunning.

----------


## Flo

It's a wonderful part of the UK...it's just a shame that it rains so much there!.But the scenery is amazing.

----------

Jaquaia (04-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad you had such a good time lovely. But good to be home?

----------

Jaquaia (04-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Not really. It meant I had to face up to the washing!  :(giggle): 

I have J off work sick now, he was up half the night being sick so for him to throw a sickie means he's feeling shocking so he's going to rest or he'll have me to deal with.

----------


## Stella180

Oh no! I wonder what caused it?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not got the foggiest. We've eaten the same so can't be that so probably just a bug he's picked up.

----------


## Stella180

Let’s hope it’s a 24hr thing.

----------


## Suzi

Oh no! Hope he gets better soon and noone else comes down with it!

----------


## Paula

Oh no, poor love  :(:

----------


## Jaquaia

The kids are with their mum until Tuesday which should help. 

He's been parked on the sofa with strict instructions not to move much.

----------


## Flo

Ahh! poor devil. There's nothing worse than having that sicky feeling. Hope he feels better soon. I have to agree with you though, the worst part of a holiday is all the washing when you get home!

----------


## Suzi

Hope you're not feeling ill love...

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm feeling fine! Tired as I've just finished the grouting, but ok.

----------


## Stella180

It looks awesome mate. Fab job. You any good with electrics lol

----------

Jaquaia (05-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Nah! Don't need to be! Got a brother for that!  :(rofl):

----------


## Stella180

Looks like I’m fitting my own double sockets tomorrow. Haha

----------


## Suzi

Looks fantastic Jaq!!!

----------

Jaquaia (05-09-20)

----------


## Allalone

Sounds like you had a great time and the pics are fabulous. I’m a proud Cumbrian and pleased you enjoyed your time in this beautiful and often wet county!

----------

Jaquaia (06-09-20)

----------


## Stella180

Is a county dart player my experience of the county are drunken evenings in Carlisle but omg it was fun

----------


## Allalone

That’s where I live and had many a fun drunken evening. Can you remember any of the places you played darts in?

----------


## Stella180

I don’t remember the venue but I do remember staying at the hotel opposite the Wetherspoons in Carlisle. The club on the corner which was banging and waking up with a kebab and chips I don’t remember buying  Those were the days

----------


## Allalone

Sounds like you had a good time!

----------


## Flo

How's J feeling today? No more being icky dick I hope!

----------


## Jaquaia

He's not been sick again but thinks he has a chest infection as he feels exactly the same as he did last year when he ended up needing to go to A&E. Ibuprofen for the inflammation, paracetamol to bring his temperature down and he's ringing the doctor in the morning for antibiotics.

----------


## Flo

Oh no! well he has a decent nurse around! Strangely enough my ex step daughter suffered from chest infections and sometimes they were accompanied by vomiting. As soon as he gets some antibiotics let's hope he gets well quickly. Not much fun for you either. Maybe it's a blessing the kids aren't with you at the moment. You've got peace and quiet. I'll check in tomorrow and see how you both are. Have a restful evening.

----------

Jaquaia (06-09-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Hope the patient gets well soon. X

----------

Jaquaia (06-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Oh poor J! Is he a good patient or does he moan?

----------


## Jaquaia

He's behaving but really isn't used to being looked after when he's ill. He's not been looked after since he lived at home.

----------


## Suzi

That's really sad.. I'm glad you have found each other.

----------


## OldMike

J get better soon  :(bear):   :Panda:

----------


## Suzi

How's J doing today? You? When do your little people go back to school?

----------


## Jaquaia

J's feeling a lot better now but I'm still making him rest. I'm ok, just tired. The little people go back tomorrow, they're with Cruella tonight but we get to pick them up after their first day back.

----------


## Suzi

I'm so glad you get to pick them up and they get you asking them and caring about how their first day goes etc...
Have you managed to rest at all?

----------


## Strugglingmum

Glad J is feeling better. Get some rest!! :Panda:

----------


## Flo

Great that J is feeling better. The little 'uns will be full of chat!

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm sat studying. Todays topic is group processes. Already had a clip round the ear from J because of my drinking, or should I say lack of it... I get engrossed in what I'm doing and forget!

----------


## Suzi

Oh hunni! You need to use that bottle Stella got you!!

----------


## Jaquaia

I have been when we've been out. Usually with orange barley, the lidl version tastes great! 

Oh, finally getting to speak to the rheumatology physio about my ankles! I have a telephone appointment on the 17th. It's taken less time since referral to get an appointment with them, with covid, then it did to see the rheumatology OT!

----------


## Strugglingmum

That's great news

----------


## Stella180

> Oh hunni! You need to use that bottle Stella got you!!


Yes Jaq, you really do. No excuses any more. All you have to do is fill it twice a day and keep it next to you!

----------


## Suzi

Hooray! How are you today?

----------


## OldMike

> I'm sat studying. Todays topic is group processes. Already had a clip round the ear from J because of my drinking, or should I say lack of it... I get engrossed in what I'm doing and forget!


I'm the same when I'm gardening time passes so quickly and the thought of drinks and food go out of my mind.

----------


## Suzi

How are you doing lovely?

----------


## Flo

When does your course start again?...mine starts Oct.3rd. Tomorrow all the stuff will be displayed on the module website! Think I'll do a bit of reading too. Have a good day.

----------


## Jaquaia

> How are you doing lovely?


I'm ok, just tired. And all the back to school stuff is affecting me again except I can't escape it now. 




> When does your course start again?...mine starts Oct.3rd. Tomorrow all the stuff will be displayed on the module website! Think I'll do a bit of reading too. Have a good day.


October 3rd Flo. But I have early access to one module, probably because they want our research choice in by tomorrow! And both websites open fully on the 10th. First TMA is week 2!!! 

How are you feeling about starting?

----------


## Suzi

I'm sorry you're struggling with the back to school stuff love... I know it's not the same, but have you had much input getting the kids sorted?

----------


## Jaquaia

I sorted school shoes, T's bag and lunch bag and got them both organised for trying on uniform.

----------


## Flo

I feel ok about the actual course work..the books are interesting. The only thing that I'm bothered with is the actual computing side of things. I've got my headset and have downloaded Adobe Connect for tutorials, but I've never had occasion to do anything online before. Also submitting TMA's electronically. I've seen the guides to it on the OU website. I have Microsoft365 installed, but I'm finding the instructions a bit daunting! Downloads/uploads every other sort of loads! Submission status', this button, that button! Everything has changed so much. Twenty yrs ago everything was submitted by paper. These days kids are born with a mouse in their hand instead of a silver spoon! My 8 yr old granddaughter has more computer savvy than I have! If I get stuck I'll have to phone the SST or computing guide help desk ...other than that Jaq, I'm fine!! :(rofl):  Blimey, you haven't got much time have you?
Re the kids...is it the mayhem in the morning getting them organised for school that's the problem? When mine were that age/ and Zoe's now...I'd get all their uniform and undies etc out the night before. Don't fall foul of the "We have PE today!" and the crumpled smelly mess rolled in a ball and stuffed in the gym bag! Tough! If they don't bring it home to be washed they can wear it and become a bigger smellier mess!! They learned how to make up their own lunch boxes (with me watching) the night before too and they would go in the fridge. I learned that yogurts were a big mistake!...they used to ooze like ectoplasm out of their boxes and had to be washed out every day! The 'have you any homework?' was a daily ask, otherwise they'd conveniently forget! Projects too! "When is it due in?" TOMORROW!! but they'd known for a fortnight! funny how they never forget to ask for a snack when they get home, and never forget to watch their favourite tv program!......don't get bombarded for requests for cakes. Zoe works full time ...sometimes I wonder what these teachers think mums do all day. Just tell them that the last cake you baked for someone landed them in A&E...that'll put them off!! :(rofl):  You'll soon get in the swing of things.

----------


## Stella180

I hate this time of year too. It’s so hard having to deal with all the back to school photos from proud parents.

----------

Jaquaia (08-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Flo, I play the evil stepmother and turn the TV off if they don't move! We already know that homework is given Fridays to be handed in Wednesdays and spellings are Fridays for Fridays, well for A anyway, T will probably be the same. And because of covid they have to wear their PE kit to school so T will be in PE kit all day tomorrow. We do their lunches the night before, usually while we're cooking tea.

You've reminded me that I need to buy a new headset! A stood on my laptop bag and broke mine! Looks like I need to reinstall SPSS too, and whatever software goes with my research project... help!!!

----------


## Suzi

You'll both be more than fine! 

Did they have a good day Jaq?

----------


## Jaquaia

Slight issue with T not being allowed to walk round to A's classroom, considering the message they sent to parents said about them being more independent! J is emailing his teacher. Other then that, they seem to have!

----------


## Suzi

Glad they've had a good day! 

How are you doing with it love?

----------


## Flo

> Flo, I play the evil stepmother and turn the TV off if they don't move! We already know that homework is given Fridays to be handed in Wednesdays and spellings are Fridays for Fridays, well for A anyway, T will probably be the same. And because of covid they have to wear their PE kit to school so T will be in PE kit all day tomorrow. We do their lunches the night before, usually while we're cooking tea.
> 
> You've reminded me that I need to buy a new headset! A stood on my laptop bag and broke mine! Looks like I need to reinstall SPSS too, and whatever software goes with my research project... help!!!


You're so organised you need a b****y medal!! The kids' school seems to be organised too! don't know what SPSS is but I'm sure you'll have it up and running by tea time. Good that J is so hands on with A and T and that you have some help. What a shame about your headset. Try and have a chilled evening. :(bear):

----------

Suzi (08-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It's statistics software for analysing data Flo. I hate using it! 

The kids school only started telling us procedures over the past week or so. Never heard from T's teacher at all and only heard from A's teacher yesterday!

----------


## Suzi

Oh! I'm glad our school has been emailing as I don't think there's enough paper for all of the messages we've had. It's got so bad that the head has started several emails with "I'm so sorry for another email, I had hoped not to be having to write to you again this week, but....."

----------


## Jaquaia

A's teacher has sent some huge messages over the past few days. Though she did message half an hour ago to tell parents about how well they've all settled back in, which I liked.

----------

Flo (09-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

That is cool... 

How are you doing?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired. Kids started school at half 8 so had to be up at 7! 

Going to do a bit of painting then finish reading my chapter on surveys as my research method choice needs to be in by midnight... eek!!!

----------


## Suzi

Are you nearly there with making those decisions? 
What are you painting?

----------


## Jaquaia

I've painted the ceiling in the summerhouse and the door frame and the bricks underneath the render on next doors extension. 

I'm thinking text-based as I can still do something about mental health without needing to work with vulnerable people and can fit it within the ethics guidelines.

----------


## Suzi

OO you've been so busy! 

That sounds good. If I can help with anything, shout!

----------


## Jaquaia

Thank you! 

Probably me being contrary but J would like me to go and sit with them but I won't. A is whiny and sulky and J and T are glued to their phones so I don't see the point and I'm studying instead.

----------


## Flo

Early night for A then! Happy studying. Try and have a restful sort of evening.

----------


## Jaquaia

There will be reading in there somewhere. I may have got a new book out of J when we popped to Beverley for my blood test...

----------


## Stella180

I’m trying to work out which will happen first, you opening your own library or bankrupting J lol

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oooo nothing like a new book to bring a smile

----------


## Suzi

Ahh, the whiney start of termitis..... It's going to be tough while everyone adjusts!

What's the new book?

----------


## Jaquaia

The Telephone Box Library by Rachael Lucas

----------


## Suzi

OO It's meant to be brilliant! Let me know...

----------


## Jaquaia

WIill do! I hadn't heard of it! J picked it out as I couldn't decide.

----------


## Suzi

He has good choices

----------


## Flo

> The Telephone Box Library by Rachael Lucas


Our village telephone box - now defunct - is full of books too!

----------


## Stella180

We have the same in a village near here called the Telephone Exchange. Take a new book, leave an old book behind for someone else.

----------


## Jaquaia

We have one too near the village shop! Ours is called the Book Swap

----------


## Strugglingmum

I think that's fab.

----------


## Flo

> We have the same in a village near here called the Telephone Exchange. Take a new book, leave an old book behind for someone else.


Our system is the same.




> We have one too near the village shop! Ours is called the Book Swap


Isn't it good though that the boxes are still there and put to good use?

----------


## Jaquaia

It's brilliant! Though red phone boxes still look weird to me

----------


## Stella180

Not as weird as your cream ones.

----------


## Jaquaia

That's normal to me!

----------


## Stella180

Yeah well normal has never been a word I associated with you so...

----------


## Jaquaia

Cheers mate!  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Lol!  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Flo

:(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired, headachey, and my shoulder is stiff. Hopefully a hot shower will help.

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(bear):

----------


## Suzi

Did the shower help? What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

It did a bit. I've popped to the village shop, read for a bit and need to swap the washing over! As soon as the kids get back the washing seems to increase exponentially!!!

----------

Flo (11-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

It does! Always...

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm in trouble with J! He told me to rest as I didn't sleep well and my shoulder was hurting and I let slip that I painted the summerhouse. Good job he doesn't know that I've done all the washing too...

----------


## Suzi

Why are you still pushing yourself so hard? The washing could have waited, as could the painting. I know you want to make things "yours" but hunni, at what cost?

----------


## Jaquaia

It was more that I was bored, can't do the washing tomorrow as the decking is being finished, and it was a nice day which meant I could actually get out there. I've lost so many days to bad weather and I want it finishing by half term. It steams up when it rains!

----------


## Suzi

I see that, but hunni, you need to pace too...

----------


## Jaquaia

Today the plan is to look at my new modules. Looking forward to getting started! So I'll spend most of the day sat down!

----------

Flo (12-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Good!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Oooh! Me decking is finished and looks fab!!!

----------


## Suzi

Awesome!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Suzi, "The Telephone Box Library" is a lovely read! Just finished it and I really enjoyed it

----------

Suzi (12-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Thanks love!  :):

----------


## Flo

> Oooh! Me decking is finished and looks fab!!!


How lovely! Did you build it or have you painted it?

----------


## Jaquaia

A joiner built it. I've painted a little bit but think we need a better decking stain! 



I've painted the little bit near the fence, that's where A's playhouse is moving to. We're going to take up all the concrete and put a path along the main decking to J's workshop and grass the rest.

----------

OldMike (13-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Looks fabulous!  :):

----------


## Flo

It looks really great Jaq! and what a lovely house.

----------


## Jaquaia

It will be by the time I've finished Flo!

----------

Suzi (13-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

What are you up to today?

----------


## Jaquaia

We're taking the children out to the farming museum near York. Not really in the mood for it since it turns out that A has being telling Cruella lies about how mean I am to her so hurt and upset as I do everything I can to make things nice for them both.

----------


## Stella180

It’s not always a lie but their perception differs from yours. Telling them to do a chore in their eyes could be mean, or being told no pudding unless they eat all their veg etc.

----------


## Jaquaia

Nope. She admitted she's been lying about her mums bf too. Telling her I hurt her.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Aw Jaq that's horrible for you. I'm not surprised you're hurt and upset. 
It's no excuse but sometimes children will tell their parent what they think they want to hear, especially if they are being asked leading questions. But they are also not above learning to play people off against each other.
Sounds like a reminder chat is needed about truth and how hurtful lies are. You and J have got this. Blending families is hard but you are strong together and have each others backs. :Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (13-09-20),Stella180 (13-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Wow, that's horrible! 
What's she been saying? What does J say?

----------


## Jaquaia

No details, just a general gist that she's been telling her mum I'm horrible to her. T said he's piped up a few times that what she's said isn't true. Not sure I want to know. J's told her that lying about people isn't good but keeps telling me that she's only 5. I've pointed out that children have a concept of truth and lying at a younger age than A. 

I think I've just joined a writers group in the village...

----------


## Stella180

Youre right, she knows that lying is wrong but she is still very young and look who her mother is? Divorce is tough on kids and although that doesnt justify bad behaviour it happens. You said shes been doing it to Cruellas chap too so that suggests to me there is more to it and maybe you need to find out why she sees her parents new partners as mean people. 

The writers group sounds like a great idea. Im really pleased that you are joining in with the local community.

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Flo

Jaq, don't lose any sleep over the situation with A. It's fairly common with small kids when their mum and dad split and have new relationships. Yes, she is lying in saying you and her mum's chap are mean. So she sees you and J sit on the settee together, him giving you a cuddle in the kitchen, you in the same bed together...and it's the same with Cruella and her new bloke. A's little mind can't differentiate or understand adult male/female love and relationships. All she knows is that someone has come along and 'taken' her daddy away from her - Same with Cruella - and daddy must love you more than her! So what's she going to do about it? Her solution - because she knows no better - is to create a bit of mayhem by telling her mum that you're mean to her and telling you and J that C's bloke is mean to her! As toxic as C was/is, it was was all A knew.  Yes, she's lying and it's wrong but it's the only way she can tackle it. I had the same with my step daughter! She used to fake a tummy ache so she could sleep in the middle of both of us!! Have you tried having just girly time with her..i.e.going into town and then you and A go to a tea shop or whatever for coke and cake, and J & T doing their thing too? Then meeting up and swapping? You'd be surprised at what kids talk about on a 1:1. have you asked her lightheartedly what her biggest and best wish is? I think she just needs reassurance that however much daddy loves you, he'll love A just as much. You know all this though and I don't wish to sound patronising because you're clearly a great mum and they're both so lucky to have you. A just has a bee in her bonnet because she's probably never witnessed her dad being loved and loving someone else...it's alien to her, and you and C's bloke are a threat! Hence the fibs. The bath is another place where kids seem to open up and be honest. It'll pass but it's hurtful at the time. :O:

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I often have time with just A. We'll bake or play a game together or watch films together. And she often asks for me to bath her instead of her dad. She's said it's because she knows mummy doesn't like me and she thought it would make her happy. But then says that she can't wait for me to marry daddy.

----------


## Suzi

Thing is, she does know it's wrong and although I think she's probably right - as in that she is doing it to make mummy happy, she has to be told to stop as it could be really serious. What if it was social services or school or something? It has to be stopped. And actually J is the one who needs to do it with you, not allow it to happen....

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

He's spoken to her a few times over the last day or so about how telling lies about someone is wrong. All we can do now is see how it goes. But I've refused to brush her hair for the last 2 days. She told me she didn't want me to brush her hair as I always pull it and T revealed it's something she's said to Cruella. Yet she's said countless times that it didn't hurt at all as I take my time with it. She only has short hair and it got knotted so badly once because of the wind, that it took me more than half an hour to get all the knots out without hurting her. I wouldn't want to just pull the brush through as my mum did it to me when I was little and I know how much it hurt so why would I do it to her? I'm just really wary at the moment. Not helped by the fact that this morning she was sat on her windowsill and wouldn't get down when I told her to. She asked for help and when I lifted her down she caught her leg on the corner of her bedside table but now my mind is playing on what stories she's going to tell mum...

----------


## Suzi

Oh lovely. You're in a very difficult position... Are you talking to J about it all? Has anyone actually told her that it's upsetting to you?

----------


## Flo

They can be little so n so's can't they? Ok....they may be little but they aren't daft! I agree with Suzi on that it may be an idea if you have a little word with her teacher as soon as you can.They've heard it all before, they must be used to this sort of thing. Just put her straight. Well more fool Cruella if she's going to believe the stories....maybe she'd like to know what A is saying about HER! If you cover all bases as soon as possible things should be ok. I wouldn't worry yourself sick over it though.

----------


## Suzi

Thing is, Fern used to be an amazing liar when she was about that age. She once had her Nan actually call her Granddad because Fern had been so convincing when she told her that Granddad had snuck into their room and stolen her dolls house..... 
You will get through this love, but maybe J needs to stamp a bit harder - does he realise how serious it could be?

----------


## Jaquaia

You do know me don't you Flo? Telling me not to worry is like telling the sun not to rise!  :(giggle):  

I've not really talked about it as I was just getting reminded that she's 5. A does know I'm upset with her as I told her that I didn't want to see her at that moment in time and why. She said that she didn't like it when I was cross with her so I told her I wasn't cross but I was very upset and hurt by what she'd done. I just feel like I've handled it all badly so refuse to keep going over it.

----------


## Stella180

Welcome to the parenting world. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes not so much. There is no one size fits all solutions to every situation so you have to wing it.

----------

Flo (14-09-20)

----------


## Flo

Sorry Jaq...I'm a worrier too! For what it's worth, I think you're handling it very well. I shan't bring up the subject again. :(doh):

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20),Suzi (14-09-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

You probably feel like you are in a no-win situation here. Damned whatever you do. Just keep being yourself. Tell her she hurt your feelings and you're a bit sad but you still love her. 
I would let J do the stern talking to about telling lies but then I'm afraid you just need to move on. 
I dont think you handled it badly so give yourself a break. Parenting is tough and we all could list things we wish we handled better or differently because we are not perfect and yip we have feelings!! This wont be the last but yes it's not something you were expecting from her so that's probably why it hurts so much. Learning curves are wonderful aren't they!!

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Oh not you Flo! I meant at home!

You're right SM. I helped them with their homework, did bath time, did story time and got them sorted for school this morning so I'm behaving like normal with her, I just need J to stop going on about how he can tell I'm struggling!

----------

Flo (14-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

You really do sound like you've handled it brilliantly imho....

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Just seen the news that the chemo Tom is having is to slow down the cancer as it's too far advanced for them to cure him. Gutted but he has hundreds of people worldwide in his corner and he will fight with every breath he has

----------


## Strugglingmum

:Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------

Jaquaia (14-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

So sorry lovely x

----------


## Jaquaia

It's unfortunately one of those things.

Currently laid on the decking, looking up at the stars. I see so many more on a clear night than I did living in the city. It's so peaceful.

----------


## Suzi

I miss seeing loads of stars. 

How are you today love?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok, just tired. The plan today is outdoor painting while I soak up some sun!

----------


## Flo

The place for stars is the Scottish Highlands......have a well deserved sun bathe.

----------


## Paula

Youre tired but are painting......

----------


## Jaquaia

Yep. I find painting relaxing and I enjoy doing it. I am pacing, sat having a drink after doing a little bit. I know not to push through discomfort, as it turns to pain. I know I need frequent breaks. And a lot of it can be done sat down. So taking it slow and steady.

----------

Paula (15-09-20),Suzi (15-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Good! I'm impressed you're listening to your body!

----------


## Jaquaia

Nice long soak in the bath soon and the summerhouse is starting to look lovely inside. Win win! 

And all the nagging has paid off  :(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

I may have overdone the bubble bath...



Only been living here 6 months and still not used to the water pressure!

----------


## Angie

nah right amount of bubbles there

----------


## Jaquaia

Can't hold my book where I normally would or it would be in the bubbles!  :(giggle):

----------


## Paula

Niiiiice  :):

----------


## Suzi

That looks awesome! 

How are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok! The weather has changed so no painting today!

----------


## Suzi

So, are you resting?

----------


## Jaquaia

Studying!

----------


## Suzi

How goes the studying?

----------


## Jaquaia

Ok! Halfway through the first chapter of my new textbook and enjoying it, notes all written up so far too. Start as I mean to go on and all that. Currently taking a break.

----------


## Flo

Ooh! Well done!

----------


## Suzi

Good for you! So glad you're still enjoying it!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Eek! Emails have started going out letting us know which research method we've been allocated! My heart rate jumps up every time I get an email at the moment

----------


## Suzi

OO Has yours arrived yet?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not yet! It's making it very real that this time next year I will be waiting to start my MSc!

----------


## Suzi

:):  That's amazing. I'm so thrilled for you!

----------


## Flo

I'm really excited for you!...I'm loving my books!

----------


## Jaquaia

I've finished my first chapter of my pure psychology module and loved it! Going to look at finishing week 1 and then start my other module.

----------


## Suzi

Well done!

----------


## Paula

Sounds exciting!

----------


## Jaquaia

It is! And scary! Very scary! I've always wanted to do postgrad study but never thought I was good enough, yet a pass 1 and pass 2 for these modules should see me get a First class degree. That's pressure too! So just going to try and enjoy my studies and do the best I can.

----------

OldMike (19-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

That's amazing. Well done love.

----------


## Flo

> It is! And scary! Very scary! I've always wanted to do postgrad study but never thought I was good enough, yet a pass 1 and pass 2 for these modules should see me get a First class degree. That's pressure too! So just going to try and enjoy my studies and do the best I can.


You'll do it...and you'll sail through it! :O:

----------


## Suzi

What's on your agenda for the weekend?

----------


## Jaquaia

Washing today as A needs her PE kit to go back with. We've mostly been finishing homework and going over spellings. They're now playing and I'm looking at my forensic counselling module!

----------


## Paula

How are things with them?

----------


## Suzi

Sounds busy!

----------


## Jaquaia

They're tired from school Paula, and A has started dance class again so she's actually sleeping on a night now. 

Homework was done by lunch, we're watching Goodnight Mr Tom as T is studying it at school, and any excuse is a good one!

----------


## Suzi

Sounds fab!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Hate the new Windows 10 update, hate microsoft edge, hate having to reinstall SPSS as the licence has expired and hate that OpenSesame is being a pain in the arse too! Pretty much hate all software today!!!

----------


## Suzi

Oh.... Sounds frustrating!

----------


## Jaquaia

Yep! Got SPSS sorted at least but still struggling with opensesame.

----------


## Strugglingmum

You do realise I'm nodding wisely without having a clue what it all means  :(rofl): 
You clever folk will get it sorted I'm sure.

----------

Flo (20-09-20),Suzi (19-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

:(giggle): 

SPSS is a statistics package that we use to analyse survey/experiment results to determine if they are statistically significant. OpenSesame is used to run experiments. We have to learn how to use it, regardless of our chosen research method. And it now works!!! Woohoo!

----------

Flo (20-09-20),Suzi (20-09-20)

----------


## Stella180

> You do realise I'm nodding wisely without having a clue what it all means 
> You clever folk will get it sorted I'm sure.

----------

Flo (20-09-20),Paula (19-09-20),Suzi (20-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Well done for getting it to work love! 

Hope today is a restful one (although I doubt it!)!

----------


## Jaquaia

I've been painting the decking! Lots of fresh air, some sunshine (not much, but some) and though it could do with a second coat, it's a massive job ticked off! Couldn't have been any tighter with the paint though, I cleaned out the tin with the last bit  :(giggle):

----------


## Flo

What are you going to do with the tin? Wash it out and put Dolly Mixtures in it for the kids? You've got to get your money's worth!!

----------


## Jaquaia

God no! Too much temptation!!!

----------


## Suzi

Well done!  :):

----------


## Stella180

I’m pretty sure there was at lease a millilitre or two left in the pot. Sooooo wasteful lol

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, what do you have on your agenda for today?

----------


## Jaquaia

> I’m pretty sure there was at lease a millilitre or two left in the pot. Sooooo wasteful lol


 :(rofl): 




> Morning love, what do you have on your agenda for today?


Washing the kids bedding then painting the summerhouse as I refuse to have another winter with it blue!

----------

Stella180 (21-09-20)

----------


## Flo

So what colour are you going to paint it then?

----------


## Jaquaia

Ta da!

----------


## Stella180

Looking real good.

----------

Jaquaia (21-09-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Looks beautiful

----------

Jaquaia (21-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

OOO it's DWD colours!  :(rofl):  Must be your new happy place  :O:   :(rofl):  Looks fab Jaq!

----------

Jaquaia (21-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

It's paint J already had as they were supposed to be painting T's playhouse in it, and considering he's not had a playhouse in a few years...

I liked it, decided to keep it and I think it makes the garden look brighter despite being a dark colour!

----------


## Suzi

I think it looks lovely!

----------


## Jaquaia

When J is off, if the weather is good, we're going to start sanding the floor and cut the skirting boards to length!

----------


## Stella180

Blimey, I’ll be wanting to move in when it’s finished Cos it sounds better than my house lol

----------


## Suzi

Do you ever just rest?

----------


## Jaquaia

When I'm sleeping?

----------


## Suzi

You really do need to learn to rest too lovely... During the daytime too...

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm going to put another coat of paint on the summerhouse tomorrow and then I'll rest. I've been sewing this evening.

----------


## Suzi

Jaq, do you ever just sit?

----------


## Jaquaia

I get bored easily, and when I'm bored I get restless. I'm usually always doing something when I'm sat down. We've started watching Ghosts on BBC iplayer though, it's very funny!

----------


## Suzi

We loved it! Mainly as it's the Horrible Histories original cast who my kids grew up loving!

----------


## Jaquaia

I just recognised the guy playing the politician from The Detectorists and Katy Wix

----------


## Flo

It's a very nice colour.....Sshh!.....don't tell Stella, but I'm moving in first!!

----------


## Jaquaia

Pro tip! Don't rest against your boobs when sewing. Accidents happen! 

Only bloody sewed it to my tshirt...

----------


## Stella180

I’ve heard of people making clothes out of old curtains but never heard of anybody sewing curtains to their clothes

----------


## Paula

:(giggle):

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Flo

:(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

Eek! My first tutorials are up and I've been given my first tutor!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Exciting times. You are so able for this

----------


## Suzi

Woohoo! You've got this! 

So apart from panicking over that, what's your plan for your day today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I've already changed our bedding and hoovered upstairs, so other than finishing my book, studying I think!

----------


## Jaquaia

Busy year! Doubting the full time decision now!

----------


## Paula

Ouch! But I have complete faith that youll do it, with bells on!

----------

Jaquaia (23-09-20)

----------


## Stella180

You got this mate. Not a doubt in my mind.

----------

Jaquaia (23-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Well that list is on the fridge and I've started booking tutorials and that list is also on the fridge! Trying to be organised

----------


## Jaquaia

I've been allocated my psychology tutor. No idea what his specialism is so no idea what method I've been allocated for my research project.

Remind me why I wanted to do another degree as I'm starting to stress!

----------


## Stella180

I started this because it was something you were passionate about and will give you a career that you will be amazing at.

----------


## Jaquaia

Well I've been proactive and booked 6 tutorials between now and Christmas. A will have to learn that I can't always do stories.

----------

Stella180 (23-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

You are amazing. I know you can do this!

----------

Flo (24-09-20),Jaquaia (24-09-20)

----------


## Paula

Im so proud of you  :):

----------

Jaquaia (24-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm just trying to give myself the best chance of getting the best grades possible

----------

Stella180 (24-09-20)

----------


## Flo

Well done you! At the end of the day Jaq, you have to come first sometimes and if this means the odd bedtime story is postponed, then so be it! At the end of all this studying you're going to shine brightly! This is what you want and you have a hunger for knowledge that eventually will take you to be where you need and want to be. I've just booked 3 tutorials. I've just spent 2 hours studying Elizabeth 1st!! I even know what colour her knickers were!....that is when she was wearing them...have a feeling that Robert Dudley might have had a few pairs of hers in his pocket!!......Virgin Queen?? :(rofl):

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20),Suzi (24-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

T called me mum. No idea how I didn't cry...

----------


## Strugglingmum

:(bear):

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Stella180

> T called me mum. No idea how I didn't cry...


Oh wow! Thats huge!

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Paula

Wow! Thats awesome! And wonderful!

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

He obviously loves you very, very much.

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I didn't know what to say so I just hugged him. He's told a friend at school that he wishes I was his real mum. It's not as if I never tell him off either, I'm quite firm with them both and make it clear that I have expectations for their behaviour, I try and teach them that there are consequences to their actions.

----------

Suzi (25-09-20)

----------


## Strugglingmum

Yip and they know where they stand with you.....kids love and thrive on consistency.

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Paula

Yeah, kids respond to boundaries

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Flo

You've earned his respect which is one of the greatest compliments a child can give you. You've also earned your new title! That's lovely! They sound lovely kids. Will this be your first Christmas as a family?

----------

Jaquaia (25-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

Don't shoot me and please hear me out before judging me... but I've been thinking about this a lot today with T calling you "Mum." Whilst I love that he feels that much love, respect, and that comfortable the fact he's referring to you as mum bothers me. For me, I think that if Cruella finds out she will not only be really hurt, but I think it'll be a red rag to a bull and I think it will be really horrible for him and for you and J with the fall out... 
This is why a while ago I suggested that you and J sit down with them and come up with your own name that they can call you - maybe a different derivative of Mum - mam, mama, or something completely different. I know that you are more of a maternal influence putting them at the top of your list, that you do so much with them, love them etc but it's a difficult thing. 
I've not been in your position, but I have had friends who have who have always said that the "Mum" and "Dad" are only reserved for the biological parents... Does that make sense? I'm really not trying to undermine you, or upset you, and I'm sorry if I have, but I thought you'd rather hear it from me rather than Cruella...

----------

Flo (26-09-20),Jaquaia (25-09-20),Stella180 (25-09-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I completely agree with what you've said. I don't think it matters what they call me, she hates that I'm in their life and will always find someway to be awkward. Generally, when she's civil it's because she wants something. I have a feeling it was because he was feeling very unsure as my parents were here for tea, and although they've met them before, they've not spent any proper time with them before last night and he was very nervous and clingy.

----------


## Suzi

That makes sense. Could you guys sit together and talk about a special name for you for them to use? It's obvious how much they love you and even more how much you love them.

----------


## Jaquaia

That writers group I thought I may have joined...

I joined that writers group. Spent this evening in the village pub with 5 complete strangers reading out my random scribblings!

----------

Paula (28-09-20)

----------


## Stella180

So freaking proud of you!!!

----------


## Suzi

That's fab! Did you have fun?

----------


## Jaquaia

I did! I was late as I got absorbed in Ann Cleeves new series and the woman running it messaged me so J kicked me out! But it was fun and all nicely socially distanced too!

----------

Flo (29-09-20)

----------


## Suzi

That's so brilliant!

----------

Flo (29-09-20)

----------


## Paula

Sounds fab!

----------


## Jaquaia

It really was! I think I found it easier as there were only 6 of us

----------


## Suzi

I'm so pleased for you!

----------


## Strugglingmum

Jaq that is amazing!! You are awesome!!

----------

Flo (29-09-20)

----------


## OldMike

Brilliant  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Trying to knit but Toby has plonked his fluffy butt on my wool...

Driving lesson went well today, I did my first proper parallel park around a car! My confidence is starting to come back and J is going to start taking me out more too. 

Uni starts officially on Saturday too so starting to get nervous.

----------


## Suzi

Well done on the driving! That's really cool! 
You'll be awesome for uni and deep down you know you can do this!

What'cha knitting?

----------

Jaquaia (01-10-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

Working on the blanket I started. Baby is due at the beginning of December so I need to get on so sat working on it while I watched Labyrinth and now Mamma mia!

----------


## Suzi

Nice!!!

----------


## Paula

Youve absolutely got uni - youre a natural!

----------

Jaquaia (01-10-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I wouldn't go that far but I'm enjoying my forensic counselling book so much that I've read the first 3 weeks work!

----------

Paula (02-10-20)

----------


## Suzi

Glad you're enjoying it love.

----------


## Jaquaia

It's dark, wet and miserable, so this is me today!

----------

Suzi (03-10-20)

----------


## Suzi

That looks fabulously interesting!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

It is! Massively so! For example, one of the treatments for schizophrenia in the 1920s/30s was insulin coma therapy. They would inject patients with insulin until their blood sugars dropped low enough to send them into a coma. They were then revived with a glucose injection and this was repeated over a few days/weeks, except there was a risk of brain damage and 1 in a hundred died. And lobotomies were carried out for major depression as recently as the 1970s

----------


## Suzi

Yup, all horrific!

----------


## Paula

I knew about the lobotomises, but not the insulin stuff. Its horrendous what used to happen

----------


## Jaquaia

It really is. Medicine has moved on so much

----------


## Stella180

I’m currently watching Ratched on Netflix and that is just shocking. I know it’s a fictional show but the ideas of what constitutes mental illness and the suitable treatments are scary.

----------


## Jaquaia

There was a list of reasons for admission to Bedlam hospital in 1810... grief, love, jealousy, childbed!!! It's bonkers!

----------


## Suzi

But remember they started out as being owned by private people with no registration or formal need to be qualified at all! So the longer they kept people the more they were earning!

----------


## Jaquaia

And people paid to gawk at patients, as if it was a circus sideshow

----------


## Suzi

Yup. So horrific.

----------


## Stella180

Oh and don’t forget being epileptic or gay was considered a mental illness and in earlier times you would be considered the be possessed or a witch.

----------


## Suzi

Or being a woman and having an orgasm!

----------


## Stella180

What’s an orgasm?

----------


## Jaquaia

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

> What’s an orgasm?


A deeply distance memory...

----------


## Paula

> A deeply distance memory...


Yeap  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

T has just asked J how babys are made. I'm not sat here giggling at how awkward J looks... honestly!!!

----------


## Suzi

Lol... Has J read "Mummy laid an egg"? It's hilarious and might just "help"  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

I might have to buy him that!!! Don't think it's helped by the fact that A keeps saying that he wants to marry her old teacher as he once said he'd like her for Christmas  :(giggle):

----------


## Strugglingmum

Always a fun conversation.....  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

That's hilarious!

----------


## Mira

Haha great posts so far  :): 

Gave me a great smile.

----------


## Jaquaia

I found a video of a woman going through the book and it's hilarious how awkward he looked!!!  :(rofl):

----------


## Suzi

The book is fabulous. My friend bought it for me when I was training to be a teacher and one of my sidelines was teaching sex ed in an inner London area with teenagers.... They just wanted to embarrass me. I soon learnt to be open and blase about everything - I even had my own "walk on" music - "Let's talk about sex" by Salt and Pepper!

----------


## Jaquaia

T wasn't getting ready for school this morning so I threatened to message his teacher and ask her to explain it to him. Never seen him move so quick!  :(giggle): 

J can't even talk to me about sex without getting embarrassed and it's me he does it with! It's hilarious!!!

----------


## Suzi

Aww that's so funny on both parts!  :(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## OldMike

*chuckles*

----------


## Paula

:(giggle): 

I was designated that role, when questioned, Si just told me that hed have that discussion with any boys we had  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

I can get embarrassed easily but I'm quite straightforward, it's just amusing watching him squirm!

----------


## Jaquaia

Started chatting to my tutor about my project and he's said it's a great start that I'm thinking about ethics already so that's positive. We're going to look at a way for me to do a mental health based research report that will get around the ethics issue.

----------


## Suzi

Well done!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

Oh bloody hell! Just been through my study timeline and all the new learning on my core psychology module is finished by the 3rd week in January!!! The rest of the time is spent on my research project! Eek!!!

----------


## Suzi

Crumbs! Have you a working area defined for your project?

----------


## Jaquaia

Mental health definitely, he thinks with my background it would be perfect for me. He's suggested looking at it more broadly that the pathology, so looking at what makes good mental health for example, or looking at what gives those who do the supporting satisfaction or mental health identities in industry. His suggestions all sound really interesting

----------


## Suzi

Those do sound interesting!

----------


## Jaquaia

A has been lying about me again and I'm struggling to deal with it. And before anyone tells me it's what children do, don't bother

----------


## Suzi

I'd never say something like that... Children should be taught right from wrong and lying is definitely wrong. 
What's she been saying? Who to?

----------


## Stella180

What has she said?

----------


## Paula

Geez. No, hunni, thats not what children do, or they shouldnt. What is J doing about it?

----------


## Jaquaia

How I'm always mean to her and always sit her on the bottom step. I could hear J defending me on the phone as Cruella was threatening to not let them come back because of it until J pointed out that A is always saying she hates her boyfriend here and telling us that he slapped her.

----------


## Strugglingmum

Oh Jaq no wonder you are upset.  :Panda:

----------


## Mira

Well I doubt thats what kids are meant to do. And I would be  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed! But there can be a reason why A is doing it underneath.

----------


## Suzi

Ouch, that's horrible. I'm not surprised you are hurt and upset. I would be too. 
Is he going to talk to her?

----------


## Paula

:Panda:

----------


## Jaquaia

He's going to talk to her tomorrow once he's picked them up

----------

Strugglingmum (09-10-20)

----------


## Suzi

What did she say when he told her about A telling you both about her boyfriend slapping her?

----------


## Jaquaia

She dismissed it

----------


## Suzi

How are you with it all?

----------


## Jaquaia

Not great. I've told J I'm not doing bath time anymore or taking her to school on my own as I need to cover my back if she's going there and telling lies about me.

----------


## Suzi

That's so sad, but I totally understand why. I would also suggest that he and you go into the school to meet the teacher and explain what's going on - always best to go in and say this, rather than be called in because she's said it and it's become a child protection issue...

----------


## Jaquaia

Her teachers have seen how excited she gets to see me, the child protection issue is likely to be with T as he's started talking to his friends about how his mum treated his dad.

----------


## Suzi

It's good that he's opening up, but again, it might be worth talking to the teachers to let them know you are aware....

----------


## Flo

Sorry to hear that Jaq. Might it be worth having a word with the kids health visitor - if J knows who she is - as well as the teachers as suzi has suggested. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

----------


## Suzi

How are things Jaq?

----------


## Jaquaia

Things are better. Struggled to get going yesterday so didn't start studying until late. Today I'm baking J a birthday cake, I've blown up loads of balloons which I'll get the kids to help throw around before he comes downstairs in the morning, and I have the happy birthday bunting hidden ready for the morning! He's not had a decent birthday since before her so I'm determined that he's going to have a lovely day tomorrow.

----------

Paula (10-10-20)

----------


## Stella180

Hoping my small gift will make him smile too lol

----------


## Jaquaia

Knowing you, it will!!!

----------


## Suzi

So glad you've got something lovely planned for him. 
Did you talk to A about lying?

----------


## Jaquaia

J won't pick them up until he finishes work.

----------


## Suzi

Is he going to talk to them then?

----------


## Jaquaia

I think so. 

Cake is done... bloody cat tried climbing in the mixer to get the last bits of buttercream while I cleaned up!!!

----------


## Paula

:(rofl):  you love that cat really

----------


## Suzi

He obviously knows it's delicious!  :):

----------


## Jaquaia

The cake


The cat...  :^):

----------


## Mira

The cake looks so yummy and the cat pictures are so funny haha wow what a bad rhyme

----------


## Stella180

It looks gorgeous!

----------


## Paula

Ooo yum

----------


## Suzi

Looks fabulous!  :):

----------


## Angie

Cake looks lovely and such a typical cat lol

----------


## Stella180

Did J like his balloons, cake and presents.

----------


## Suzi

I hope you're all having a wonderful day today!

----------


## Jaquaia

J has had a lovely day! We went up to Whitby on the NYMR, had chips near the marina, went in a couple of bookshops, came home and had pizza and cake with his parents! I got the impression that he was a bit taken aback by all the effort!

----------


## Suzi

That's lovely! Did you have a good time too?

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20)

----------


## Paula

Aww bless him  :):

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20)

----------


## Mira

Awesome. Him being taken back abit tells me he was not used to it for a long time. From how I can see it you both deserve to be in a loving caring relationship.

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20),Paula (11-10-20)

----------


## Stella180

So glad he had a good day. His a lovely bloke and deserves to be spoilt once in a while, especially on his birthday.

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20)

----------


## Flo

What a lovely day you had....the perfect birthday!

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20)

----------


## Suzi

Morning lovely, how are you today? How did it go talking to the little ones about the lying?

----------


## Jaquaia

> That's lovely! Did you have a good time too?


I did! It was nice to spoil J a little




> Morning lovely, how are you today? How did it go talking to the little ones about the lying?


We were very blunt with her and told her exactly how serious her lying could be. All we can do now is wait and see how it goes.

----------


## Suzi

Well done for talking to her and being blunt!

----------


## Stella180

I’m just concerned that lying is the symptom and you need to get to why she’s doing it. If she’s lying about she pertner as well as you maybe she sees the two of you as the people keeping her mum and dad apart? At her age divorce is a difficult concept to wrap her head around

----------


## Jaquaia

She heard us talking with T as he says he's seen her partner on Tinder and I commented that she wouldn't be able to afford the house on her own. A panicked saying that she didn't want mummy back here. We think it's because she's trying to make everyone happy. She knows Cruella doesn't like me so she thinks telling lies about how mean I am will make mummy happy and she knows J isn't keen on her bf so she thinks lying about him will make daddy happy. 

His parents are starting to annoy us though, me more so. They seem to be so focused on T, making excuses for his behaviour as "he's been through a lot" that they seem to disregard the fact that A has witnessed a lot too and that J has been through an awful lot. They had T after school for a couple of hours the other week to run trains and A was disappointed so we said we'd talk to granny and grandpa about her having time there too. Yesterday his parents said about T going across again so J said no and that they need to do something with A. "She can watch" so J said no, she needs time on her own, to which T piped up that he'd have a friend over then. T also got told no. He needs to sort out his room as it's a mess, and he got warned about his attitude too. He shows off when people were around and instead of supporting us with trying to deal with that behaviour, they excuse it.

----------


## Stella180

That makes sense about A trying to be a people pleaser but being nasty about other people is the wrong was to go about it. Im sure the grandparents don’t mean to leave A out and it’s hard when you have more is common with one child than the other. Age differences Don’t help either. There is almost 4 yrs between my two and although that’s not a huge gap when is comes to trying to entertain both it can be difficult. I’m not at all saying it’s ok to favour one child or spend more time with them but I know it’s not always easy to do right by everyone.

----------


## Suzi

We have had that issue with ours and Marc's Mum all the time. It's so hard and it breaks my heart when F says that she knows that Nanny doesn't love her as much.... 

All you can do is keep talking to her.. I'm really glad you're sticking up to his parents too and with T about his behaviour!

----------


## Jaquaia

J feels like he has no support from them and to be honest, I can see why he feels like that. They focus much more on the children, everything seems to be about them and J seems to come so far down their priority list. He tells them if things they do triggers him and it has no effect. He feels dismissed everytime he tells them he's struggling.  Even yesterday, it was J's birthday yet they brought a bag of treats for the children! They don't eat even half of what they bring across, they don't wear half the clothes they buy them and they have so many packs of pencil crayons it's ridiculous. I have binned sweets etc that have been months out of date because they buy that much and it doesn't matter how much we tell them to stop they carry on.

And the bit I hate the most is J feels he can't talk about how unsupported he feels as he's always either had his parents shrug it off or Cruella would call him a poor little posh boy.

----------


## Stella180

Rather be a poor little posh boy than an abusive common slut.

Just saying.

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):  Stella... 

That's really tough, but I can totally see it as we've always been in the same situation with Marc's Mum... I can't offer advice, just understanding.

----------


## Mira

I remember when I was growing up I did not lie a lot. But there where times when I did. One thing comes to mind. My mum was angry at the three of us. Me and brother and sister. Since there was a T Shirt that was cut with some scissors. I knew that my brother did that. But he did not say anything. And my mum got real angry so I said I did it. I did that to make everything go back to normal. And to a high level I still do that. I am lossing my thoughts sorry. I think I wanted to share this since different things that happen to kids can have totaly different outcomes.i think its good that you have a good idea of why she does it. Its better to work with that then to just punish her or get angry. That might make it worse. But I am sure you know all of this. Sorry for bringing it up

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20),Paula (12-10-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

No need to be sorry, you're right. It is better to understand why. We told her that her lies could cost her mums boyfriend his job and almost ended with her mum refusing to let them come here, just to impress on her how serious it could be. We think we've got through to her and J told Cruella when she picked them up that she's admitted she's been lying both ways so we just have to see how it goes now.

----------


## Suzi

Well done love..

----------


## Paula

Sounds to me that youve handled it really well. As for parents, my mil has always had her favourites - the kids just let her get on with it now and accept thats who she is. But as for J, part of a parents role is to support their child and hold them up when they need it, no matter how old they are. Thats what I believe, anyway, and it makes me sad they dont feel able to do that

----------

Suzi (12-10-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

I've tried.

I'm exhausted and J is at work so camped on the sofa knitting and binge-watching Pride and Prejudice

----------


## Suzi

You're awesome. You put so much love and effort into everything and making this an amazing home for you, J and the little ones. I'm not surprised you are exhausted. Rest tomorrow?

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20)

----------


## Mira

Then you are doing the right thing now. Its Jaq time. And if thats doing some knitting and binge watching then go for it. A lot has been going on and you deserve you time as well.

----------

Jaquaia (12-10-20),Suzi (12-10-20)

----------


## Jaquaia

> You're awesome. You put so much love and effort into everything and making this an amazing home for you, J and the little ones. I'm not surprised you are exhausted. Rest tomorrow?


Study and starting the washing, but I can just put that in and leave it. 

My eyes were starting to go blurry so I've put the knitting away, I'm just over halfway through and done around 8 rows tonight so getting there. Meds and bath soon then bed!

----------


## Suzi

Morning love, how are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm ok, a little slow today though so just going to plod. Only just having breakfast! But breakfast with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy!  :(inlove):

----------


## Paula

Lucky, lucky girl  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

I just can't bring myself to watch the film version!

----------


## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

----------


## Jaquaia

Been sitting and stewing on this and need to get it out. I may have to start cancelling driving lessons because J's dad doesn't want to drive in the dark, which is fair enough, entirely his choice, but he could have said when I asked for help in the first place as I told them the time options and could have picked an earlier lesson time! I sound like a spoilt brat but it's annoyed me. It's the only thing I have ever asked them for help with in the 2 years I've known them. Yet they never seemed to have any problem helping her constantly so my head is starting to turn to the "well she gave them grandchildren" reason. The last bus leaves Beverley at half 5 so a bus isn't an option. I could get a bus that stops on the main road at the next village but J has already put his foot down and said that there is no way on this planet that I am walking nearly 2 miles at night down unlit country roads that don't have a path. J isn't impressed with his dad. J can pick me up 3 weeks out of 4 but 2 of those weeks mean dragging the children into Hull for half 5 at night and then fighting through rush hour traffic to get home. It's incredibly frustrating as I was just starting to get back into lessons!

----------


## Suzi

I can understand your frustration! Any chance you can change the time of your lessons? 
Why are they doing stuff for c? Oh and you've shown more love, care, affection to J and the children in the years that you've been together, rather than all the rest of the time that he's been with c so please get those horrible thoughts out of your head.

----------


## Jaquaia

They're not now but before they would always have the kids while she went out, took her out for lunch, bought her stuff she said she'd like, made her equal to J in terms of cost of birthday/Christmas presents (which I've already told them is ridiculous as he is their son so I'd expect them to spend more on him), had the kids if they were ill so she could still work, paid £45 a month towards her rent when she first moved out... that's just what I know about. 

I can't change my time really as there is a lesson before mine. I'll talk to Bob about it. J doesn't want me to cancel lessons but I may not have a choice.

----------


## Suzi

Talk to Bob, I'm sure there'll be a way of working it out...

----------


## Paula

Im sure Bob will be able to help, hunni.

As for all the in laws were doing for her, has it occurred to you they were just trying desperately to try to keep things stable and easier for J? They must have known there was something seriously wrong

----------


## Jaquaia

He won't drive out to Cherry so I'm not sure how. He says it takes up too much of the lesson.




> Im sure Bob will be able to help, hunni.
> 
> As for all the in laws were doing for her, has it occurred to you they were just trying desperately to try to keep things stable and easier for J? They must have known there was something seriously wrong


They said they had no idea, they just knew J was often in a right mood. They said it all suddenly made sense when everything came out.

----------


## Paula

Im not sure I buy that - I know my mum suffered awful guilt when my ex and I split, shed say now that she had a feeling something was wrong but couldnt figure it out and didnt want to pry too much

----------


## Jaquaia

Possibly so. It could be they're denying knowledge to deny that guilt. 

At the moment, I think my options are to cancel my lesson when J is on nights, get to Beverley and either walk or get a taxi, ask my mum to take me home which is unfair when she's struggling with her RA in her hands, struggling with her mobility and they're talking about removing her opiates again, or finish my lesson early enough for J to collect me from Beverley before work. Swapping times will be hard as Bobs timetable is full.

----------


## Suzi

Or is there someone nearer you now who you could use?

----------


## Jaquaia

There are people nearer but it's taken me so long to gain confidence with Bob that I fear swapping instructors will really set me back

----------


## Stella180

You can’t unlearn what you’ve already learnt.

----------


## Jaquaia

Confidence levels massively affect my performance though.

----------


## Stella180

Ok so what happens when you pass your test?

----------


## Suzi

IT might be something that you have to do though, unless there's another situation - how much would a taxi cost?

----------


## Jaquaia

> Ok so what happens when you pass your test?


I'd have confidence that I have the skills to drive safely on my own. I know that I'm a safe driver now, and some of getting me to that stage is the relationship I have with Bob.




> IT might be something that you have to do though, unless there's another situation - how much would a taxi cost?


I don't know. J has said he's going to talk to his parents. I've even said about getting to Beverley if they'd drive the 10 minutes to collect me from the station. His mum ended up getting left behind at New Year as his dad refused to drive to the railway, that incident left me feeling very awkward and like it would be better if I never went, and they paid over £100 for a taxi to York for the panto rather than drive in the dark. If he'd said something I would have asked for an earlier lesson.

----------


## Suzi

I completely agree!

----------


## Jaquaia

Oh well. I'm watching The Corpse Bride and knitting to destress!

----------


## Suzi

How are you today?

----------


## Jaquaia

Tired. I think I've overthought things so much yesterday that I've exhausted myself

----------


## Suzi

:(bear):  Are you pacing today?

----------


## Jaquaia

I'm sat quietly studying.

----------


## Suzi

Are you pacing with it? Do you guys have the children this week?

----------


## Jaquaia

J picks them up from school tomorrow afternoon and they're with us until Saturday night. His mum and dad are going to sit with them while he pops to collect me after my driving lesson.

----------


## Suzi

So are you resting this evening?

----------


## Jaquaia

Knitting and I have Harry Potter on in the background

----------


## Suzi

Awesome movie choice  :O:

----------


## Jaquaia

J's never seen them all so need to rectify that!

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## Suzi

How can he not have seen them all? Has he read all the books? 

How are you today lovely?

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## Jaquaia

He only really reads railway related books. He has severe dyslexia and always found that he struggled to concentrate with fiction. It's how we lost touch, the uni paid for him to redo his final year as they missed it and he failed so they got him diagnosed and extra things put in place as we should have graduated at the same time. 

I'm ok, going to do a little studying before his dad takes me to my mums for my driving lesson

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## Suzi

Ahh, has he tried coloured overlays? They've changed Fern's life.... 

Hope the driving lesson goes well lovely x

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## Jaquaia

He used to have stuff printed on light blue paper and we've found if I write the shopping list in a rich purple ink, he can read it better. He tends to do ok as he's developed ways of managing it but I notice he struggles with new books with A. If he's not read them before then he stumbles over the words more.

If you never hear from me again, then I'm afraid the monster by the front door has got me! Already seen him try to carry the cat off... seriously though, that spider is fecking ginormous and right next to the front door!!!!

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## Stella180

Did I fail to mention that rural spiders are bigger than city ones? Lol I remember having one once, many years ago, that was the size of the back of my hand. Biggest thing I’d ever seen.

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## Suzi

OMG - hoover... It's the only way...

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## Jaquaia

J won't let me! He won't kill spiders! I told him he either moves it or I point it out to A who will want it moving!!! Last time I saw a spider that size I was 10 and living so near the edge of the city that the end of my street was farmers fields!!!

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## Suzi

Then I hope he's moved it!!

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## Paula

Seriously, girls? Youre letting your gender down  :O:

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## Jaquaia

I can catch daddy long legs with my bare hands but spiders with visible pincers and big enough to kidnap the cat??? Hell no!!!

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## Suzi

I'm not letting my gender down, I really have a phobia of them. I once had one that was huge in between Ben and I when he was a baby and I had to call someone to come and get it out - Marc wouldn't leave work to do it. I've had "aversion therapy" when it was done very badly so it made it worse.... I'm great with wasps, bees, moths, beetles, snails, slugs, worms, slow worms - just not those things!

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## Stella180

Spiders are our friends. I share me home with tons of them.

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## Suzi

I'm not coming to your house then!

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## Stella180

I don’t get many flies.

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## Flo

Did someone mention SPIDERS?!!!!.....AAAGGHHHHHH!!!!......I can't abide them! They lurk and I don't know which way they're facing! Ian puts a glass over them and takes them outside...well that's no good! The buggers just come back in!....if I have the balls then I suck them up my mini dyson, but if it's huge then I'm almost physically sick. My cousin sprays them with hair spray until they're crystalised. I've held a lion cub, I've had a snake around my neck, I've held rats, I've been swimming in shark infested swimming pools, but I draw the line at spiders! How is it that so many people are terrified of them? My mum wasn't so she didn't pass it on to me. What is it about them?

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## Flo

> I don’t get many flies.


What! To swat or unzip??! :(rofl):  :(rofl):

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## Stella180

Either to be honest lol

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## Flo

To be honest, I prefer a bacon sarnie and a good book!

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## Stella180

Hell yeah

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

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## Jaquaia

:(rofl):  :(rofl):  :(rofl):

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## Paula

Oh its been sooooo long....... (bacon sarnie that is  :O: )

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## Stella180

I hope you’re not bragging Paula  :O:

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## Suzi

Longer for me  :O:

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## Stella180

We are still talking bacon butties here?

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## Suzi

Either/or...

I genuinely can't remember what bacon tastes like, definitely not a bacon sarnie...

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## Jaquaia

I had a bacon sarnie on Sunday, it was lovely  :O:

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## Stella180

Show off!

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## Suzi

Well look at you bragging about your bacon sarnie enjoyment...

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## Jaquaia

Well it was J's birthday! I had to make breakfast a bit more interesting than cereal!

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OldMike (16-10-20)

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## Suzi

:(rofl):   :(rofl):   :(rofl):

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