# Help and Advice > Home straight >  My Experience of Clinical Depression and recovery

## FJW1

My Story is published in the Surrey Mirror, please search Leatherhead man who 'wanted to die' has depression 'cured' after undergoing magnetic brain therapy as I can't post the link due to Forum Rules.

The point of this article, and I hope the message that comes across, isn't about me and my story but about bringing awareness to the devastating effects of depression.  Its a clinical, often long-term, complicated, hidden, stigmatised, all-encompassing and prevalent illness that affects so many people today with serious consequences, hence the largely unreported suicides that occur annually. In 2014, 6,122 suicides were registered in the UK. This corresponds to a suicide rate of 10.8 per 100,000 people, (16.8 per 100,000 for men and 5.2 per 100,000 for women according to Samaritan's figures.  

One aspect of the illness is often unwanted and intrusive suicidal thoughts along with many other debilitating symptoms. Now there is an effective treatment that treats the brain directly called TMS (Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation); stimulating and re-growing neural pathways in the brain that are shown, through MRI scans, to not be functioning correctly in depressed patients but this treatment is largely unknown about in the UK. However, having now gone through this therapy and experienced the complete reversal of my illness in 5 weeks, despite almost no external changes occurring in my life, and also having spoken to others that have had the same experience, I feel that it's important to make others aware of if. Should there be any symptoms or relapse in the future, they can be effectively managed with top-up treatments, and without the lack of hope that medication brings. It's been transformative and life-changing for me and I only wish I'd discovered this treatment sooner.  

My personal thoughts and experience of clinical depression is that I've always wanted to find an effective solution for this persistent illness that was inexplicably not going away. Living with depression for me was like wearing a weighted vest, a life dampener, distorting your view of yourself, of other people, what you can achieve and the opportunities that you see, or don't see before you. For me, it put me in a great deal of mental pain, pain that would often have me rubbing my forehead in frustration, whilst trying to make a simple decision, such as what shirt to wear before work, whilst my thoughts felt concreted and stagnant along with an annoying inner voice telling me "what's the point in continuing on, what is this all for and why can't I just get out of this room with a shirt that I've chosen on without it feeling like a complex equation I'm trying to slowly work out" and why does everything seem so difficult and sad?" I always thought that I had broken an 'invisible leg', that I had sustained some form of psychological brain damage from certain traumatic events from my mid-teens and that I was walking on this broken leg to carry me through life going forward. 

As time moves on, perhaps we'll look at clinical depression in such a way, that the 'invisible broken leg' is simply a neural pathway in the brain that is not functioning correctly, evident under an MRI scanner. Perhaps we'll see it as not a poor choice of lifestyle, the sufferer's choice or a part of one's personality but simply requiring a 'cast' of stimulating and re-growing damaged areas of the brain, that TMS provides. 

For the 10 years since my symptoms of depression started, I set about trying to live a healthy, normal and happy life; I went to University, worked in the NHS for a mental health department for a year, I travelled, and worked in local government afterwards, had relationships and have many great friends and luckily, have a wonderful family. Always dismayed that the illness came back time and time again. I attempted conventional ways to try to heal myself: exercise, healthy eating, counselling and prescribed medication and many other cliché treatments that are given on a typical mental health information page. These gave me temporary relief from the painful and disruptive symptoms of the illness. 

The reality is, for possibly the next 10+ years, had I not had the TMS treatment it would have been 'pillar to post', going back to doctors and psychiatrists getting prescribed more and different medication without the problem really being addressed. I felt the solution was being postponed to an unknown future finishing line; in the meantime, wasting more NHS time/money, my time and my life. I also want to make it clear that the treatment is for depression but not necessarily at the most severe end of the spectrum. Finally, I wish Id had the treatment soon after my depression started in order to have lived the past 10 years with the healthy brain I feel I have now.

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## Suzi

I'm glad you have found something to help you..

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## FJW1

Thanks for the kind words, I would encourage anyone to research the treatment if they feel it to be relevant to themselves and their depression. The clinic I went to is the SmartTMS clinic in London, I made sure the treatment was relevant for me with the Psychiatrist there along with many enquiries that I had regarding the procedure etc. Please feel free to ask me any questions regarding my experience of this treatment or anything in general.

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## jpeg

Hi FJW1 - had a look at the article seems like some story! How did you find the travelling part? I've only just started AD and was scheduled to fly out on a one way ticket early May. You would of been at a different places when you went, granted, but any info would be good! Did you travel solo?

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## FJW1

> Hi FJW1 - had a look at the article seems like some story! How did you find the travelling part? I've only just started AD and was scheduled to fly out on a one way ticket early May. You would of been at a different places when you went, granted, but any info would be good! Did you travel solo?


Hi jpeg thanks for looking up the article, it is somewhat sensationalised, just to throw some reality and truth in there, I never 'wanted to die', I wanted to find an effective treatment to this inexplicable illness that was disrupting my life and was getting quite severe at times, In my case intrusive and unwanted suicidal thoughts came along with the illness (clinical depression), the press however like to word things in such a way let's say. I went to many different places, 3 months in South Africa, 1 month Thailand, 1 month Bali, 3 months in North America and 1 month in Europe travelling around along with other trips etc. I travelled solo for most of it except Europe and Bali. I was actually not on any AD during my travels. I would simply recommend trying to bring enough medication with you for the duration of your trip, I imagine it wouldn't be difficult sourcing more in any pharmacy round the world but as I said I wasn't taking AD during. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions.

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