# Help and Advice > Related Illness/medication/alternatives >  Feel SO ill

## JustEM

I'm just wondering if my symptoms can be a direct cause of depression and of stress. I wondered if anyone has had any similar experiences and was hoping for some words of encouragement or for some advice....

I am absolutely exhausted. I can feel overwhelmed by the simplest of things. For example, sometimes I can't even make the bed or peg the washing out because I feel like, 'Ugh. I just don't care about this!' 

I love going out for walks but when I do I feel like I have to really push my body. There is no 'oomph!' in me. Sometimes I just lie in my bed and let my body rest but my mind is always whirring away! My whole body aches!! - My head, my neck, my shoulders and my upper back in particular, but I have a weird butterfly feeling in my stomach also and strange almost-cramping pains in my legs and upper arms. My sinuses also feel blocked and this general aching and pain is dragging down the mood. 


I've been under an enormous amount of stress lately and hadn't been sleeping, but I took some sleeping kalms tablets and they've seemed to help thankfully! I've also removed a stressful situation from my life but there's still A LOT more I need to deal with going on right now. 


My diet isn't great. I mostly eat fruit and eat an absolute maximum of 700 calories in a day (over-exaggerated and is more like an absolute max of 600). I feel like my body this week has just snapped and said, 'Sorry, I cant do anything anymore'. I have NO energy. 

My mood is VERY low. 

Is this total exhaustion due to depression, stress or physical health? Any tips on how to feel more energised and rested? 

Thanks!!

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## OldMike

Hi EM, I can relate to some of what you've written re aches and pains, lacking oomph and fatigue, depression in my case causes those symptoms to the point where I question is something physically wrong or is it the depression (my depression is great at mimicing (spelling) physical symptoms). In my case one clue that it is depression is when I get involved in doing something the symptoms vanish only to return when I sit and try and relax.

I'm no nutritionist but it doesn't look like you're eating enough which could be causing a lack of oomph and aches and pains.

Have you seen your doctor?

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## JustEM

Hi there!

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you get lots of aches and pains, too. It's a real positive that you're able to know when the exhaustion is coming from the depression.

Thanks for your advice. I put it to use today and saw it WAS my depression and stress affecting my mood, exhaustion and motivation. Also I find if my body is hungry, I don't have any motivation to do anything until I've eaten. Sometimes I forget food is actually fuel! Like just today, I ate a tiny finger of watermelon and a cup of tea for 'dinner' last night and breakfast today was a small portion of melon again so by 12 o'clock I was really needing something, even if I wasn't experiencing the sensation of hunger as such. But after I ate something and putting your advice into action, I felt more energised, got showered and now I'm out on a lovely scenic walk in the sunshine.

Unlucky depression! I win!

I don't eat much, no. I have a history of chronic and severe anorexia and it's not like that now even though the symptoms look the same in some ways! The CMHT are making sure I don't keep losing weight. My appetite is poor due to depression. 

I hope all is as well as it can be with you! Thanks again for getting in touch!

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## Paula

All of those symptoms could be caused by depression and anxiety - in fact there's a good chance they are. BUT we're not medically trained so I'd suggest, rather than making an assumption, talk to your GP just to make sure there's no other underlying problem.  And wrt your appetite and diet, have the CMHT referred you to a dietitian?

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## JustEM

Hi Paula,
Thanks for your reply.
I used to have really bad exhaustion when the depression started and would spend days lost in sleep! Thankfully, it's not like that anymore with me but the exhaustion does still creep up. 
I also tend to over-estimate what I am able to do which leads to burn out. For example, I go from managing a part time job to taking on 50 odd hours a week and totally crashing out!! It's a habit I am trying to break, but I need to try much harder!
I had a routine blood check and everything was fine. I take Floradix and a multivitamin everyday too. 
I was referred to a dietician two months ago, but nothing came of it. I was referred from the cmht to an eating disorder team and then straight back to the cmht so I think the dietician appointment got lost along the way! I don't have 'anorexic thoughts' and the eating disorder service didn't take me on. I am working with an occupational therapist from the CMHT setting goals around food and eating, but I'm lying to those around me making out like I am complying when I'm actually not. It's all about control with me.

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## Jaquaia

Are you being honest with the CMHT at least?

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## Suzi

I agree with Jaq - are you being honest with the CMHT? They can't help if you don't give them all the pieces of the puzzle...

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## JustEM

Yes, I am being honest with them. I've told the OT I throw the supplement drinks down the sink and lie to my mother about it because I don't want to lose control and drink/eat things only because of others. I've also told them how guilty this makes me feel and that losing this weight has boosted my self-esteem. I've told them I don't have an 'anorexic voice' in my head, but I haven't told them the extent of the dark thoughts that I sometimes experience. I see someone privately for CBT who is fantastic and I've told her everything because I really trust her as I know she genuinely cares. 
There's a reluctance to bare all to the cmht. I'm afraid of the ED services taking my control away before it's totally necessary, if that makes sense? I have plans coming together for the near future and it would crush me if a stop was put to them. The cmht and my therapist and the ED team all want me to achieve these plans.

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## Jaquaia

The thing is, following that sort of eating pattern is eventually going to show as it's not healthy. We need a minimum number of calories in order to function properly and this could be causing some of your exhaustion.

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## JustEM

I know. I am 'sort of' trying, but know deep down that I should probably try a bit more really. It's difficult.
Plus I can't really sleep lately either.

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## Paula

Do you know why the trouble with sleep? Has there been a specific trigger for that?

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## JustEM

My mind is just whirring away like crazy. I want to sleep, it's just not happening. Today, I was up at 3am and I won't be able to sleep until late tonight. It could be stress. 
Sometimes, it's because I'm hungry which is my own fault. I am trying to treat my body better though and trying to remember the simple fact that if my body is screaming out 'I'm hungry!', it quite simply needs to be fed!
My therapist recommended me to ask for something from the GP for sleeping. I've taken Kalms night time ones but still only slept five hours in two nights.

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## Suzi

Thing is you know the spiel, you know that if you don't eat then your mood crashes which causes you to not eat, which means you feel ill and are ill and your body suffers and then everything suffers. I think, bluntly (and I'm sorry) but you're going to have to try more lovely..

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## JustEM

Don't apologise, what you said is right. I'll get there, like I've got there before!

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## Suzi

I didn't want to upset or offend you... 

You can do this. I have every faith in you x

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## JustEM

Not at all!  :):  Sorry if I seemed a bit dismissive in my response! 
Thanks for your encouragement. Hope all is well with you x

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## Suzi

It's sometimes really hard to know how things are said when it's all based through text! I didn't think you were dismissive, I think you're incredibly strong to have beaten anorexia before. You can do this. I really do believe you can x

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## JustEM

Haha yes, I know what you mean!  :):  
Thanks for your kind words. 
I know things will eventually get better. It's not bad like it was in that I don't feel I've made a consecutive decision this time to 'go-into' the anorexia, if that makes sense? But sometimes a spot of realism is just what I need! I'm very good at convincing myself it's all 'A-okay'. Take care of yourself  :):  x

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Suzi (10-07-17)

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## BookNerd

I'm not mental health trained, but your previous posts mention a lot about control, and I'm pretty sure that is one of the things involved with anorexia. Are you seeing a psychotherapist? The books used to say this need for control could be stem from previous experience, of what I can't say since I only have surface knowledge of mental health. 

I do get how you're holding back some information from some therapists though. You are meant to be honest with them so they can help you the best they can, but it's also a matter of having a trusting relationship with them, isn't it? It's hard. But you did also mention you are seeing someone privately whom you trust, so I'm glad there's someone! 

Hope you're getting better, even in small, tiny steps! x

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## JustEM

Hey there!  :(hi): 

Thanks for your message. 

Yes, the need for control stems right back to when I was nine years old. My life felt out of control and what I ate and my weight became the only thing I could control. I guess I developed anorexia rather than perhaps a different illness because this need for control was paired with weight-related and healthy eating comments which served then as a trigger for the eating disorder. It's a weird illness because this control element can give you a buzz and a sense of self-worth which, when you're depressed, feels worth grasping! 

I guess 'this time around', things in my life have felt out of control and a few weight comments were made towards me last year that affected my self-esteem increasingly so as I became more depressed over the following months.... 

So yeah. Control, self-esteem, self-worth.... But I am getting help, yes. Not so much for the eating disorder bit though.

Maybe I shouldn't say this but as someone who has suffered with long-term mental health problems, from my own experience I have found it quite easy to note the difference between a therapist who cares sure but not to the extent of a therapist who really genuinely cares and wants to help you. Thankfully, my therapist I see privately is one of those one in a million types so im very grateful to be able to work with her!! I am honest with the OT that I see from the cmht and she's nice but I don't massively connect with her, you know? 

I hope everything is as good as it can be with you! Thanks for your encouragement. 

Things are getting better, but my eating (or lack of!) is remaining un-addressed. I know this needs to come from me and im sure it will when things soon start to feel a little less stressful and out of 'control'.

Take care x

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## Suzi

What about writing a meal planner then trying to stick to it?

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## JustEM

At the moment, eating 'normally' is a bit overwhelming so im trying to introduce little bits here and there (granted I next to never comply!) but the appetite isn't really there. I do eat when im hungry though and actually ate something different from the same thing I've been eating for months each day today which was good! 

Don't know if anyone else does this (and it's a tad embarrassing to admit!) but I find myself eating things I don't like on purpose! Like I make food way too spicy or I eat food that's supposed to be hot.. cold. It's like a form of self punishment! And I don't eat socially. It's like I want to deprive myself from enjoying myself with others!

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## JustEM

But I'll get there! I've had some good news this week so that's bucked me up. 

How are you doing, Suzi? X

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## Suzi

Sweetheart, just to get you back into the swing of eating have you thought about having something like rice crackers/breakfast biscuits/fruit/veg that you can just eat a little of, but often? 

I'm doing OK I think lovely, thanks for asking. Hot, really hot and absolutely shattered so planning an early night!

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## JustEM

I feel more motivated to eat now things seem to be going less stressful and positively! 
I do have a few snacky things at hand, just need to start snacking on them haha! 
I get weighed tomorrow and I don't want to have lost weight you know? So I will get back to it I'm sure. 

Have a nice early night! Aw I love this hot and sunny weather my end!

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Suzi (18-07-17)

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## libbymayecu

Hi! 

I understand all of what your saying, except the sleep bit, i get a full night sleep and still feel exhausted! 
As for the eating, i recently not been eating as well, mainly because of my medication makes me very nauseous  :S:  
All of this i have said to my doctor, but they have said what i've always thought, and i put it down to my depression. Although they are looking into possible CFS, so that would explain the fatigue! 

Glad im not the only one that feels like this, i sometimes feel a wimp when i tell people how sick and tired i am, when i havnt done much all day!  :(rofl):

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## JustEM

Hi there! 
When this current bout of depression first started last year that's all I did was sleep and I was always exhausted, so excessive sleeping can be a symptom of depression. How is your mood? Or is it mostly physical symptoms?

Have you had blood work done, too? 

You're not a wimp at all! When you're not well, you sometimes have to just accept where you're at and go with the flow. Rest when you need to and be kind to yourself. ☺

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## libbymayecu

Oh yeah, had blood work done and its all fine! 

And i havnt noticed much physical symptoms, other than my skin looks horrendous sometimes!  :(rofl):

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## JustEM

Glad to hear all the blood work was okay! 
Hope the docs help you find out the underlying cause of the exhaustion. 
Perhaps it is related to depression, then? 
Take care x

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