# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  partner of 18 yrs left - depression *SU Trigger*

## mysmm

Patner of almost 18 years was diagnosed with depression a few months ago, is on medication and is seeing a councellor. I had no idea anything was wrong until he woke up one day and told me to leave and that he no longer wanted to be with me, no other explaination, just silent treatment so I left and went to stay with family, we kept in touch via whatsapp and after talking he said he felt the only way to deal with his derpession was to deal with it alone. we spoke of ways I could help when he felt that way, such as me sleeping in the spare room for a few days so he had some space etc, I ended up going back to him after i thought we had it figured out.

When I got back everything seemed normal, we went for a weekend away, got back home and two days later he has done it again, literally woke up and told me to leave once again, he refused to talk it through just that he wanted to be on his own.

He is saying stuff like he is empty and hollow inside and feels like pushing the people closest to him away. He has this huge need inside of him to be alone and go through all this himself. That he knows people care about him but caring is not going to help him. He feels dead inside. Feels like his brain is going 100 miles an hour with constant thoughts. He hates himself and thinks he is a bad person. Not sleeping much and when he does he wakes very early. Cant stop his mind from racing.

He has deleted all his social media and interacts with nobody apart from having to go to work.

I have tried to be as understanding as possible as i am aware it must be terrible going through depression but i also feel like how i feel means nothing. For example i asked him if i gave him time to try and feel better and get his head together with us living apart i am willing to do that because i do not want to lose him and i dont want to split up over him being ill. He says things like i will be better without him. That i will go on to meet someone else and be happy in time. That he will not agree to me waiting for him as he doesnt want to give me false hope.

Is there a chance for us in the future if i give him time? I love and miss him so much.

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## Suzi

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you
Is he still going to work? Are you worried for his safety?

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## mysmm

He is still going to work yes because he owns the house so needs to pay the mortgage. He has said he has bad thoughts like driving his car into a wall etc but said they are just thoughts and he woukdnt do anything like that.

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## Suzi

Have you had any contact with him at all?

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## Paula

Hi and welcome. Ive added a trigger warning to your thread, its not a problem, its just to make sure members are able to avoid threads they may find difficult.

I dont know if its reassuring to you or otherwise but the things your partners feeling are pretty common, and I know I feel that way when Im in crisis. Its sort of like all your emotions are put on mute and youre watching the film of your life without audio and its hard to immerse yourself in it itms. I know in my head I knew I loved my husband but felt very little and it felt like he was better off without me.  Of course he isnt and he means everything to me and Im so glad I didnt leave the first time I felt like that, but its so hard to argue with depression ...

Give him some space, lovely, but let him know you love him still and are there for him.

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## mysmm

> Have you had any contact with him at all?


The only contact we have at the moment is via whatsapp. It doesnt help that i am now over 100 miles away with family so i cant just go and see him.

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## OldMike

Hi mysmm can't really add much to what Paula and Suzi have said but one of the symptoms of depression is wanting to be alone and pushing people away.

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## Suzi

> The only contact we have at the moment is via whatsapp. It doesnt help that i am now over 100 miles away with family so i cant just go and see him.


If you genuinely think he is at risk of hurting himself or worse, then you can always ask the local police to do a welfare check - it's not the same, but it is an option if you are scared for him. 
I'm glad you have whatsapp contact.

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## mysmm

> Hi mysmm can't really add much to what Paula and Suzi have said but one of the symptoms of depression is wanting to be alone and pushing people away.


Will he feel this way forever? As in, will his feelings of wanting to be alone go away in tine as he learns to manage his depression?

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## Paula

There are no definitive with this illness but as he recovers, this symptom along with the others, should improve.

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## Suzi

Completely agree with Paula - it doesn't mean he'll always feel this way. With help, love and support things can change.

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