# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  Dont know what to do!

## JRV59

Hi all,

Im new to this and have found this forum useful so far. I am looking for some tips/advice to help my brother.

He seems to have been suffering from depression for around 6 months since an on/off relationship ended with a woman who he really cared for but could be quite cutting with her words when things werent going right. I think this knocked his confidence. He now feels he is boring and cant talk to people. She messed him about a lot despite him trying to help her through her own mental health problems.

Since then he feels he is going nowhere, all friends have moved onto marriage and kids, own homes etc. He has always been a popular person but now I think he is very lonely. He has a good career but is failing to see any positives in life.

My parents have tried to help him but he gets very upset and often cries. He was starting to see someone new who is lovely but he is showing no interest at all and it seems to be fizzling out. He is adamant he wont see a Doctor or get help in any way and that he will be ok in a while.

We are all trying to be positive about him and willing to listen but he doesnt seem to be ready to accept help or do anything at the moment. I feel bad for him and my parents who feel they are having to tip-toe around him.

Any ideas/experiences would be greatly appreciated.

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. 
Sorry to hear that things are difficult for your brother. It's good of you to go looking for help for him. 
Until he is ready to accept help there isn't that much you can do practically - I know that sounds defeatist, but he has to want to get better - then GP is the best option. 
However you can do things like make him aware of helplines such as Samaritans, CALM, Shout etc He could also go and see a relationship counsellor such as Relate - you don't have to be in a relationship or go as a couple to get their help. 
Does he have any hobbies? Is he eating and drinking properly? What about getting some exercise? These things will all help too.

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## JRV59

Many thanks for your reply. He does play in a couple of sports teams and has done for a long time but he doesn’t take interest in anything else. He could do with varying things a bit in my opinion.   He seems to be eating OK. I will keep those helplines in mind. Thanks.

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## Suzi

Is he taking care of himself at all? Washing? Clean clothes? etc

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## JRV59

He’s taking less pride than he used to but still showering etc before going out. He is staying in bed very late however. He works in a school so is off at the moment and keeps saying he’ll be better when back at work. Shame that he’s wasting his time off. I’m trying hard to be supportive not to be frustrated.

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## Paula

Hi and welcome. How are your mum and dad in all this? Does he live with them?

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## JRV59

Thanks. My parents are trying to support him by talking things through with him but they feel they keep saying the wrong things when heÂs upset/agitated. I really feel for them because they are worried about him. He keeps saying he knows heÂs got support but heÂs just not content and wonÂt be going to the Doctors. He was hoping to buy a house and move out but heÂs got no interest in that now and sees the Âdoom and gloomÂ in it, despite saying he wants to be moving on in life like everyone else. What I really find hard to understand is, although I know he occasionally looks online for things to help, he seem extremely reluctant for anybody external to know about it, even friends.

(Continued) ...He speaks about friends who have had similar issues who I am sure would support him in return but he seems to think nobody is interested.

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## Suzi

Sadly he is going to have to sort things himself. You could call his GP and just say that you are worried about him, but he has to do this. Maybe look at things like time-to-talk and mind? They may have some ideas for how you can start talking to him to tell him you are worried etc...

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## AAndrea

Hello 
 I am 22 and have issues with depression . 

I am sorry about your brother . I am a big sister and nothing is more powerful than a sisters love.
When it comes to mental health in men . Men find it harder to open up about thier feelings. This could be a factor
It looks like he is still in love with that  woman .

You cant save people but all you can do is love them and be a good sibling there for him

You cant force people to get help . 

I hope this not  the case but something will happen which will force him to realise he has problem and needs help.

I had a breakdown during my law exam and that event made me realise i  was sabbogating my degree and ruining years of hard work.

After that incidebt i got diagnsed with depression and since then been woking to change my life around. 
Recently i gradauted university with a 2.1 degree in law.


I will be praying for your brother tonight and your family..

Hugs and lots of love

I hope it all works out 

Sorry if my advice was not helpful.

I am sorry for saying this but this looks like heartbreak which  he is struggling with.

Your brother probably feels like he will never meet anyone like the women he was in a relationship with.

When you see people settling down and having children and when you are not .

It is easy to feel like you are falling behind and worry about not meeting the one.

I have another tip

Have you tried talking to his friends and telling them the family are really worried about him.

Maybe the friends could get through to him.

I am sorry if my advice is not helpful
I hope and pray things work out for your brother.

He deserves to be happy

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