# Help and Advice > Home straight >  On the move!

## purplefan

I was discussing my last appointment with my pdoc with the family last night, and My son agrees that i have come on leaps and bounds since i moved from London and have a bit of support.
But he is worried that i am holding on to some of the problems because i am worried that, if i get well, then i would be forced to move back to london and the whole thing would start over. But looking back at some of my earlier posts i have come a long way and should accept that i am getting better and perhaps finally accept that i am on the road to recovery.
My son has re assured me that i wont be thrown out of the annex and be forced to live on my own, but he dose hope that i will start to do things for myself like take and arrange my own medication. Or look after my finances for my self. 
It is something i have to consider as maxine is about to give birth she will have two little ones to look after.
So perhaps it is time to let go of the apron strings and try and fend for myself a bit more.

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## S deleted

Is it something you feel you are ready to do? Sometimes we need to do things to prove to ourselves that we can do them itms. It can be easy to become complacent when we have folk to do things for as. Maybe a bit more independence will do you good.

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## purplefan

No it is something i am not ready to do it, But i agree a bit more Independence is good. I coped alright when they went to America and survived, so perhaps i should talk a bit more responsibility for my own living.

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## magie06

You did so well when you were on your own. You managed to fill your days and cook and clean up, so I think you would be able to sort your meds for yourself. If you choose to do them on a Monday, get them ready all together, so you have them for the week. Good luck.

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## S deleted

As Magie said you did it while the family were away, so you know you can do it. The only difference between then and now is that you aren't going to be on your own.

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## Suzi

I think he's right. I think you've become used to someone else managing things like your medication whether it be Maxine or the Sanctuary. I wonder if maybe you've not allowed yourself to do these things because you thought it would mean you moving out. I am quite sure that you are there as long as you want to be lovely. It would be good to allow yourself to do these things too...

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## Angie

I do agree with the others hun, I think it will also give you a big confidence boost to start to do somethings such as medicine yourself,

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## rose

I think doing your own medicine and finances are a good idea, its the next step in getting well. You are so useful around the house with the family, looking after Chloe when Maxine needs a break. You are not a burden, you are part of their family now.

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purplefan (06-08-15)

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## purplefan

I can understand my son wanting me to look after myself. Maxine will need to focus on the children for a while and she dose not need extra burden of me around.
As Rose said: "i can help around the house" and take some of the pressure off".

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## Suzi

I think that you're an awesome asset to them both! So helpful and perfect with Chloe!

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## purplefan

He has tried to reasure me that even if i get 100% well, he is not going to throw me out. I am very grateful to what my son has done. Even cleaning out my London flat and decoration it so i can rent it out and have a bit of income. I have my money in a Account (just a basic one) and Maxine will sit with me over the week and work out how much i need to spend on things like food, and although i dont pay rent i still pay utility bills and council tax etc. I just realised how much i rely on her in my daily life.

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## S deleted

I have every faith in your ability to deal with your finances and medication yourself, and remember if there is a problem your family is there to support you.

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purplefan (09-08-15)

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## Suzi

I think that you'll be able to manage this fine. It's not a case of her just dropping you with it, but I think it'll be good for you.

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purplefan (09-08-15)

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## Angie

My mum has a white board on the side of her fridge and it has a list of what she pays out and what day of the week or month and the amount and where she pays it
so for instance
Mondays water bill, post office £ amount
Tuesday TV licence Post office £ amount
22nd of every month Broadband/phone payed online
30th of every month insurance payed over the phone

These are just examples hun but it may help you to keep track, you could always put a  tick by something once payed or done etc to keep track of what is done and what still needs to be done

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purplefan (07-08-15)

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## Paula

I think it's fab you're looking towards this. And I'm sure you've got a home with them as long as you want  :):

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## purplefan

At the meal last night my son mentioned the bedbug thing, and said perhaps i was using it as an excuse not to take my own medication. He said i was frightened but he also said that i am a strong person and the fact i went to the football yesterday and enjoyed the experience again, shows i can have the strength to move forward. He told me he is worried that Maxine is struggling a bit, and he wants her to focus on the pregnancy and the birth without any distractions. 
I know its a huge ask but later i am going to say that this week i will do my own medication. My son is so worried about Maxine and he is trying to help her, so i think i can help by doing this.

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## Paula

You can do this lovely, and we'll be supporting you all the way.  Well done, sweetheart  :):

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purplefan (09-08-15)

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## Suzi

I know you can do it too! We are completely behind you waving pompoms

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## magie06

I know you can do this. Ask for Maxine to supervise for the first day or so, and then there will be no stopping you.

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## Angie

Hun you can do this you know you can and we know you can  :):

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## purplefan

So far so good. I managed to sort my meds out and worked out when to take them right now i am feeling pretty good, i will have to see how i progress when things get bad.
IF... If things get bad.

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## S deleted

you'll be fine once you get into a routine

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## Paula

Well done, Stella's right. It will become routine  :):

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## magie06

Congrats, I had a feeling you would be able to do it.

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## Suzi

Well done hun!!

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## purplefan

Struggled a bit this morning. I saw all them tablets and thought. what would happen if i just take them all at once? Then i wont have to worry about what to take later. It was not suicide as such, just a way to get rid of thinking about tablets.

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## Suzi

Do you have a pill organiser so you sort them all out for the whole week and then you only take the ones for the right time or are you having to remember which pills when? 
I'm glad that you've noted it down, but do try to keep a check on thoughts like that hunni x

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## purplefan

I do have a pill orginiser suzi and i have an alarm set on my phone to let me know what time it is to take them. I have to take some medication when i am at the football later but it is only two tablets.  I wont have a drink tonight as it is just me and my son. If i was going on the supporters coach, then that would be difficult.

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## Paula

> Struggled a bit this morning. I saw all them tablets and thought. what would happen if i just take them all at once? Then i wont have to worry about what to take later. It was not suicide as such, just a way to get rid of thinking about tablets.


I try to think of it as just having a drink of squash regularly, with a few pills to take at the same time - my focus is on the drink, not the tablets itms?

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## rose

I think that too sometimes. What if I took the lot. Thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more.

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purplefan (12-08-15)

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## purplefan

I am a bit stressed this morning as our Internet is down and I can't sleep. 4am. I am fighting the urge to take a couple of Amitriptyline.

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## Paula

I hope you didn't, lovely

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## Suzi

They aren't sleeping pills lovely... I hope you didn't too..

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## purplefan

Bit of an update guys. I have been struggling with my medication and I never took last night's. This should be a simple task but I just can't do it. I think deep Dow that the problem is that I relate tablets to being ill I don't want to be ill anymore. 
So I don't take them because it makes me feel normal.
I have been doing well recently. Even feeling strong enough to go back to the football on a regular basis. Sitting in a pup after the game with my mates was brilliant.  No thoughts about medication. I have been really good since I started taking a double dose of fluoxitine and the ami is working for my pain, so why should I need to take tablets?

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## Angie

Because they are what are helping to keep you well hun is the straight answer

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## rose

Because the tablets are making you feel better, and the ones like the diabetic medication are, quite frankly, keeping you alive. I know its tempting to not bother sometimes, but you are really hurting yourself if you don't take them. 
When do you take your tablets, is it four times a day?

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## Suzi

Because if you don't then your mood will crash, your blood sugar will be unmanaged and you will be in a great deal of pain. Seriously. Take your meds.

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## S deleted

Right, you aren't going like this but tough. You say you have been doing better lately so if that is true give me a good reason why a grown man of sound mind can't take the medication that is keeping him well. You've get the tools to help remind you so you have no excuse. Your son and Maxine have their hands full right now with a newborn, they don't have time to babysit you as well. You are more than capable of doing this and if you wanna stay well and continue to get better, you need to stand on your own two feet and take your meds. The whole family is having to adjust with the new addition to the family and that includes you. If you don't take your meds properly and get sick how much more strain do you think that will put on your son?  Do you really wanna make their lives harder? They have done so much to help you so the least you can do for them is to look after your health by taking the meds as prescribed.

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Paula (01-09-15),purplefan (31-08-15),Suzi (31-08-15)

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## purplefan

Been having a little think about this and you ask for a reason why I can't take my medication. 
The first time I tried to kill myself I did it with an over dose of tablets I got of the Internet.  I can't remember how many I took but I ended up in casualty and they kept an eye on me for a few days.
Ever since then I have struggled to take my med on a regular basis. One of the reasons why I panic is that the main reason for moving out of London is that my son could look after me more and watch me take my meds. This has worked brilliantly; I am scared they will think I am coping and try and get me to move back. But now I am struggling again as I am dealing with every aspect of taking my medication from going to chemist and sorting them out. Yes I could do it if I tried and your right I should not relief on Maxine. After a while I am sure I can get into a routine of taking them. Sometimes when I do take them I get the dry boak. And I can't swallow them.

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## magie06

How about asking the chemist to sort them out, it's a service they offer here. You can ask your gp to fax your prescription to the chemist, and they sort the tablets into morning, afternoon, evening and bed. The chemist rings you up when they are ready. Does this sound like something you could put to your chemist?

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S deleted (31-08-15),Suzi (31-08-15)

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## Angie

The thing is PF, that your son is not going to abandon you and he hasn't done this, he has done nothing but try and consider you and help you, but you have to start to help yourself which you are doing in some respects, such as going to the hypnotherapist for your nightmares, the writing club and art club which is great, but you said that you feel your son abandoned you because after going to the football with you he didn't go to the pub with you, that is so wrong, he took time to go to the football with you, but he also has Maxine and Chloe and the new baby, and he is only one person, he also needs to spend time with them when he is not working. 
I think that even though being in the Sanctuary did you a lot of good and was the right place for you at the time, that you did have a lot done for you there such as your meds etc, and now that you don't have that your struggling to do things for yourself as you had become reliant on others doing it for you. 
Chemists can collect prescription from gp's and also deliver them to you, have you thought of having them do that so all you then have to do is sort them and take them, 
I have a market stall and am up at 5:30 four mornings a week, So is Jay as he has his market stall on the same days, we get home at 5pm, and still have dinner to cook, children to look after, the dog to walk, cats to see to, and I also home educate my daughter so have all that to sort for my son to do with her while we are working. 
I still have my own mental health to deal with including meds, and also Jays health is not great, my fathers health is seriously not great right now and to be honest he will never get better only worse, its just a matter of time right now to be honest when I get a call to go and see him urgently.
It is hard work and it is not easy, but you have to start to take some responsibility for some things such as your meds and remembering appointments. 
This doesn't mean that your Son and Maxine won't be there for you they will always be there to support you, but you are so much better than you were, you coped brilliantly while they were away on holiday so that proves that you can do this.

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purplefan (31-08-15)

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## S deleted

You've had that chat with your son and you know they are happy to have you there so of course he isn't going to abandon you. Yes you took that overdose and you know look back at that time and know that you were wrong to do it so use that the encourage you to take the meds correctly. I know I fear reaching that mental state again where life feels to hopeless you want it to end, so use that fear to your advantage, I know now to seek help instead of bottling it up. You know taking the meds inappropriately is wrong.

You have plenty to live for now and so long as you take the meds properly there is no reason for you to slip back again. You can do this, I know you can so please try and make the effort for yourself and for little Ellie who needs time with her parents and grandfather.

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purplefan (31-08-15)

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## Suzi

PF, I know that you are struggling with Ellie etc... But I do think you are worrying about things which don't need to be worried about. Your son and Maxine have said that you are welcome and wanted with them whether you are well or poorly. They give you Chloe to play with etc which shows a huge amount of trust. Sweetheart you don't have to be struggling to be living with them. 
Talk to your pharmacist. Mine sends a repeat prescription request to my GP and I go to my chemist to collect my carrier bag of meds  :O:  They would also sort it into blister packs but my meds are still not settled yet. Talk to them, I'm sure they'd help. Then all you have to do is set an alarm and take them! You can do this lovely. 
Whatever you do, do not stop taking any of them without talking to your GP first. Also - and I'm sure you wouldn't, but please don't stop taking them because then you think that your son and Maxine will have to take over doing them again so you think that you will have to stay there longer.....

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purplefan (31-08-15),S deleted (31-08-15)

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## rose

You rented your flat in London, your son wouldn't have supported that if he wanted you to leave. I always think you are part of their family, and they are giving you little Ellie tomorrow.
I know you don't feel confident in taking your own meds, but its just something that will come with practice. My grandfather has his in the blister packs because he has so many, and that works well for him.
I think maybe we are more confident in your abilities than you are!

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purplefan (02-09-15)

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## purplefan

You are so right. The things that go on on my mind. I know my son would never abandon me or send me packing. Look at the expense it must have been for him to build the annex. If I don't do things right, I am a worrier. I worry a lot. I worry if I upset someone if they don't answer a post.  I worry if I don't see someone on the forms for a while. Rather than think good things might have happened to them. I am such a negative person. When I think the worst and it dose not happen, then I am happy if that makes sense? 


> The thing is PF, that your son is not going to abandon you and he hasn't done this, he has done nothing but try and consider you and help you, but you have to start to help yourself which you are doing in some respects, such as going to the hypnotherapist for your nightmares, the writing club and art club which is great, but you said that you feel your son abandoned you because after going to the football with you he didn't go to the pub with you, that is so wrong, he took time to go to the football with you, but he also has Maxine and Chloe and the new baby, and he is only one person, he also needs to spend time with them when he is not working. 
> I think that even though being in the Sanctuary did you a lot of good and was the right place for you at the time, that you did have a lot done for you there such as your meds etc, and now that you don't have that your struggling to do things for yourself as you had become reliant on others doing it for you. 
> Chemists can collect prescription from gp's and also deliver them to you, have you thought of having them do that so all you then have to do is sort them and take them, 
> I have a market stall and am up at 5:30 four mornings a week, So is Jay as he has his market stall on the same days, we get home at 5pm, and still have dinner to cook, children to look after, the dog to walk, cats to see to, and I also home educate my daughter so have all that to sort for my son to do with her while we are working. 
> I still have my own mental health to deal with including meds, and also Jays health is not great, my fathers health is seriously not great right now and to be honest he will never get better only worse, its just a matter of time right now to be honest when I get a call to go and see him urgently.
> It is hard work and it is not easy, but you have to start to take some responsibility for some things such as your meds and remembering appointments. 
> This doesn't mean that your Son and Maxine won't be there for you they will always be there to support you, but you are so much better than you were, you coped brilliantly while they were away on holiday so that proves that you can do this.

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Angie (31-08-15)

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## purplefan

> You rented your flat in London, your son wouldn't have supported that if he wanted you to leave. I always think you are part of their family, and they are giving you little Ellie tomorrow.
> I know you don't feel confident in taking your own meds, but its just something that will come with practice. My grandfather has his in the blister packs because he has so many, and that works well for him.
> I think maybe we are more confident in your abilities than you are!


I think it's just a matter of finding the right system. I don't really want to wear an alarm all day. The app Stella posted is good.as she said:"I just have to take my pills right away before I forget".

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## purplefan

> PF, I know that you are struggling with Ellie etc... But I do think you are worrying about things which don't need to be worried about. Your son and Maxine have said that you are welcome and wanted with them whether you are well or poorly. They give you Chloe to play with etc which shows a huge amount of trust. Sweetheart you don't have to be struggling to be living with them. 
> Talk to your pharmacist. Mine sends a repeat prescription request to my GP and I go to my chemist to collect my carrier bag of meds  They would also sort it into blister packs but my meds are still not settled yet. Talk to them, I'm sure they'd help. Then all you have to do is set an alarm and take them! You can do this lovely. 
> Whatever you do, do not stop taking any of them without talking to your GP first. Also - and I'm sure you wouldn't, but please don't stop taking them because then you think that your son and Maxine will have to take over doing them again so you think that you will have to stay there longer.....


I might do that on Thursday; I'll talk to the pharmacists and see if there is anything that will help me.

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Angie (31-08-15),S deleted (31-08-15)

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## S deleted

I hope you got into a routine asap with this cos no one here wants to see you making yourself ill by not taking your meds correctly. We only nag because we care

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Angie (31-08-15),purplefan (02-09-15)

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## Suzi

Yup, it's because we care loads about you!

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purplefan (02-09-15)

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## Paula

youre not going to like this. Your family have moved you in with them so they can be there if you need them.  Purposefully not taking your meds, including your diabetes meds which potentially could be keeping you alive, is tbh completely selfish. Your son and Maxine have changed their lives for you, willingly because they love you, and to do this to them right now when they've got Chloe and a newborn to look after is not acceptable. You're 'struggling with dealing with every aspect of taking your medication' - does that mean you want Maxine to take over again? Now, when she's got so much on her plate??  You're an intelligent man and just need to get on with it.

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purplefan (02-09-15),Suzi (01-09-15)

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## purplefan

You are absolutely right Paula and I have to stop thinking like that.
As I said I am the sort of person who needs to be reassured. I lack self confidence. I would never ever put my son and maxine in a position where they would feel bad because I did not take my medication.
It is selfish  and wrong.

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## Paula

And yet so willing to see what you need to change, lovely, and that's what I love about you.  Just keep going with the alarms for when you need your meds, and try to remember that this is one area you can really have control of your illness

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Angie (02-09-15),S deleted (02-09-15),Suzi (02-09-15)

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## purplefan

Tomorrow I am going to talk to the pharmacy  and see if they have anything that could help me.

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rose (03-09-15)

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## Angie

That sounds like a really good idea hunni x

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## Suzi

Hope you get something sorted with the pharmacist hunni x

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## purplefan

All they had was the little plastic tray. I am going to look on line to see but to be honest i think the best way is stellas app. I just have to take them when the alarm goes off.

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## rose

My grandfather has those trays, with plastic pockets for morning, lunch, dinner and bedtime. They really help him because he has so many pills to take. The pockets can be removed, so if he is out and about he has got his medication with him (and not the whole tray because that would be inconvenient). Then its just a case of getting into a routine of knowing the times you take your meds and getting them from the little pockets; his coincide with meals and bedtime so as long as he remembers to eat and go to bed then he remembers to take his meds. You might want to give the trays a go.... I am not sure how many pills and what times you have to take them but I imagine you take your diabetic medication with each meal and something for depression at bedtime or breakfast?

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purplefan (04-09-15)

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## Paula

Roses suggestion sound like what I've got. They're invaluable for me esp as I have to take meds 4 times a day - I'd recommend it

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## Suzi

I've got to make mine up tonight for next week (I do it on a Thursday so I can get prescriptions sorted etc on a Friday if there's a problem) and I have a leather look wallet with a stick in it for each day. Each stick is broken into 4 compartments - one for each time I take my meds and I have an alarm that goes off on my phone for each time I take it. It also means that I can see if I've missed or am late with a dose too. If it helps I'll take a pic if you want?

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## purplefan

I just received a letter from my G.P telling me they are going to cut down the number of tablets i am taking by increasing the dose the main change is my pregabilan witch i take three times a day. They want to increase it to 75mg to bee taken twice a day and they are also going to change my double dose of fluoxitine to 75g once a day. Now i am really confused LOL.

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## Suzi

It'll actually be easier to keep track of it all hun... Write it out and then you know what you have to take and when...

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## rose

75mg of Fluoxetine instead of 2 x 20mg of Fluoxetine.... ermm, I'd check that if I were you!?

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## S deleted

75mg??? Fluoxetine usually comes in 20mg capsules don't they?

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## purplefan

I just checked this morning. Its 40mg fluoxitine. Sorry.

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Suzi (06-09-15)

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## purplefan

Iam finding being in recovery more of a challenge than i had anticipated.  For one thing i nave now noticed how much of my conversations in church has centered round my depression. Now that im not talking about it i found myself last Sunday telling people i would rather talk about something else other than my depression. 
Wondered if any of you guys had the same experience.

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## Paula

Yes. But that's a good thing, surely? Tho it's hard sometimes to remember how to have a conversation that didn't involve my health ....

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purplefan (03-11-15)

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## purplefan

I am constantly worried about my medication and that i am taking the correct ones, so i am memorizing them.  I have stella medical app on my phone and i write them down everywhere.  My next phase in recovery is to stop talking about health issues. I was reading Elijah and he had a serious problem with depression yet he still managed to find strength to serve God.

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## Suzi

It's brilliant that you can talk about it to those around you! 
I think that it'll be OK hunni, the more you get out and do different things the more varied your conversation will be.

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Angie (03-11-15),purplefan (03-11-15)

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## purplefan

Today i am just having a relaxing day and writing my story. Really though i am scared that if i adit i am getting better then i will be left to fend for myself. That is my biggest worry. I have to admit that i like going to the G.P. and the pdoc and the arthritis doc and even the dietitian because it was something to do. I am retired and i find that not working is a challenge. I have gotten involved in a couple of things like my art class and writing class and the outreach at the church but in all honesty i miss the market life. After all i was 35 years there man and boy and now all i have is my memories. Perhaps i will write a book on my experience as a market trader when i finish my short story. As i said: "the biggest fear is being alone".

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## Paula

It took me years to accept I couldn't work (I was on my way to the hospital to do my voluntary shift). I stopped off to pick up my meds and had a complete breakdown, right there in the shop in front of everyone, shouting at the manager then collapsing.  Like you, I was a busy person. Over the years I've found things I could do without too much impact on my mental health, and so will you - you're already doing so.  Just make sure you don't do too much ....

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## purplefan

My family keep telling me that paula but i do like to be busy. It passes the time. When i sit about time drags right in and all i do is eat. I like the odd crisp sandwich or three. Really it is boredom. I have toyed with the idea of selling some of my toy collection and perhaps starting a website for collectors who can meet up and sell and swap their stuff. I have too many toys and i am now 55  :S:  time to get rid of some.

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## Suzi

If you want to to it then go for it! But not because you think you're too old at all!

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## purplefan

It is so hard tolet go of things that you have had for years. I am getting a few items appraised. And i might stick the rest on evilbay.
But it has to be done.
I have a huge 1:16 scale model of S.I.D that they used in the show U.F.O and its just sitting there. My friend suggested making a bit of money out of it bu renting it to comic cons etc. I could not even move it.

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## Suzi

It's a good idea to get them properly valued lovely. Then you can go from there.

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