# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  I think I smothered my depressed ex

## isifeu

We were together for almost 20 years, he got depression a year ago and suddenly left me saying he needed to sort his head out, We did keep in contact, and saw each other here and there. There was talk of getting back together in the future, he would tell me to leave him alone, then it would kill him to lose me, He said he no longer loves me, then said he wants to fall in love with me again.

Everyone I have spoken to since we split up told me to not give up on him, even if he pushes me away, so that is what I tried to do, If he pushed me away I would message him and tell him I was there for him, I see now that I wasn't listening to him and what he was trying to tell me, He was crying out for space and I took it personally.

He messaged me last night to tell me he wants to go no contact with me, I told him I would respect that and not contact him, I asked if this was goodbye, he said for the moment, then wished me well in life. He has no blocked me but I suppose the will be the next thing to happen.

Its over isn't it? in the end I pushed him away?

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. 
Talk about mixed signals! I don't see why you have smothered him, when you've done what he asked.... I don't see that you've pushed him away at all! 

Are you being kind to yourself?

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Paula (22-09-19)

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## Paula

Hi and welcome. I agree with Suzi, and it looks to me that hes been mucking you around for a long time.

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