# Help and Advice > Coping with Depression >  Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

## SA89

This is the worst feeling imaginable.. Its in full force now for me & I feel so helpless  :=(: . I'm sorry if this thread title seems rather cliched but it really is hell on earth inside the confines of a singular mind. That feeling of complete utter dread & despair. A future without a future. No direction, no friends, no hope..  I just want to break from the shackles of my miserable life but I don't know how. My reasoning is pathetic towards others, it stems purely from shyness. I'm in my room apart from when I go to a nightclub etc which is basically a minefield of rejection  :(blush): .

I'm 24 but I feel 54.. People don't seem to realise how demoralising it is to be isolated. Yet when I'm at work I'm surrounded by dkheads, Its so frustratin.. I've thought about studyin to be a counsellor or something in English literature but then there's the wall of debt that comes with any ambition. I'm quite short & I have a roman nose but that aside im not ugly lol. I just have cripplingly low self confidence. 

I really hope some1 can relate to this. I just want to be loved & content like every1 else  :(: ..

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## Mira

I guess there are many here that can relate to what you wrote. I do want to say that this is a good place to be. The people here are nice and kind.

 I am in my room so much lately and I only think of the worst things. I think very poorly of myself. Low selfesteem is something I have to. I tend to think everybody is a better person then me and I find something bad in the best things that happen to me  :(: 

Have you been to your doctor? See what he can do for you?

So you are not alone here on dwd. It's nice to meet you.

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purplefan (06-05-14)

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## SA89

> I guess there are many here that can relate to what you wrote. I do want to say that this is a good place to be. The people here are nice and kind.
> 
>  I am in my room so much lately and I only think of the worst things. I think very poorly of myself. Low selfesteem is something I have to. I tend to think everybody is a better person then me and I find something bad in the best things that happen to me 
> 
> Have you been to your doctor? See what he can do for you?
> 
> So you are not alone here on dwd. It's nice to meet you.


ye i was takin anti D's for a while but they didnt really help. But now I've stopped takin them just recently & I've noticed i'm cryin a lot more. It really hurts knowin I feel like this & their r people gettin married etc.. I clearly have social anxiety yet the doctor won't diagnose it. He just gives me questions to fill in. Its the loneliness thats the killer. Stressin over my career options would be a lot more bearable if I just a group of friends..

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## rose

Hi, welcome to DWD. ADs can take a while to work and often the GP will start us at a low dose, intending to increase if we see some benefits.
I think you need to go back to the GP and explain how things are. 
 :(hi):

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## amaeru

Hi SA89 and welcome to dwd.

When was the last time you saw your GP hunni? - did you come of the ADs gradually at their suggestion? - if you just stopped taking them this might explain how you are feeliing right now.
Please go back and see him/her and tell them how you are feeling. Many of our members have found it helps to write things down for them rather than struggle to express how you feel in a 5 minute appointment.

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## Suzi

I totally agree wrt the doctors. Go back and tell them how things really are for you. Write it out as a list so you can just hand that over if it's easier... 

It's lovely to meet you, welcome to DWD.

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## Paula

Hi and welcome, I agree with all that's been said. Also, just because one type of AD doesn't work, doesn't mean another won't. Hope you'll see your GP again  :(bear):

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## SA89

I just stopped abruptly after a year on them without consultation  :(blush): . They stopped me cryin & made me less anxious (I think) but I was still depressed & they made me really drowsy. Last night though I felt extremely anxious & depressed, I couldn't stop cryin  :(: . I get those moments a lot & its intensified. The thing is; depressants are not gonna give me friends, a gf or a sense of direction. If anythin they make it harder because they make me more tired. All my life iv secluded myself to my room & when I'm out i'm really socially awkward. People like my company but not enough to fit into their cliques if u know wt I mean. I just feel so lonely & its hurts so much  :=(: . 

A life in constant misery isn't worth living..

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## Paula

Stopping suddenly is going to give withdrawal symptoms and make you feel worse, it really isn't wise to come off them without medical supervision, lovely.  You're right, ADs won't change your life circumstances but they will help support you while you make the changes you need.  Please go back to see your GP

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## rose

I totally agree with Paula.

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## purplefan

Hi and welcome.
Totally agree with the others I do hope you will go and see your doctor soon, and I hope you will begin to feel better.

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## SA89

They made me really tired & I just wanted to relieve myself of that constant drowsiness. When I was on them I wasn't taking action regardless, they may have relieved a bit of anxiousness but it wasn't enough to justify that extreme fatigue as a side effect. I've noticed now though that my depression comes on more ferociously. For example, I was on a night out drinkin the other night & as the night progressed that feeling of utter dread hit me. I started upbeat but after a while without attention to distract my thoughts I felt complete despair  :(: . Its a viscious circle every week with nothin in between apart from a dead end weekend job & voluntary work on a monday. I'm sick to death of applying for jobs (a way out) & getting rejected.

"I can't get no satisfaction" , song of my f k n life  :(wasntme): .

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## Westin

Hey there and welcome....
I would definitely go back to your doctor/GP. I was on some anti-depressants that made me so drowsy I couldn't get up in the morning. Sometimes you have to go through a couple to find the right one. And when you find the right one, you'll notice that this "despair" and vicious cycle will diminish. 

Going to the club makes me depressed too. I try and not drink too much either, especially when I'm on meds. 
I think it's great you do volunteer work! At least you are making a difference. There is hope for you sir. You're in a good place  :):

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amaeru (07-05-14),Miss Molly (07-05-14),Paula (07-05-14)

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## SA89

My auntie advised me to try Vitamin D tablets so I may do that. I'm not suicidal but I am clinically depressed as I've been feeling low for years now. I've bottled up my fears & worries for years since I was a kid & now i'm paying for it mentally. Its hard to pin-point what it is exactly thats caused me to feel this low but I guess its through years & years of isolation. My 2 needs haven't been met at all; Career prospects & Social life. 

I worry about them instead of actually doing somethin towards them. I've been stressing so much over the years with nothing to show for that stress. Just stress over worry which is not practical in the slightest  :(think): ..

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## 1286KC

Hi and welcome.
You need to go back to the doctor. Try writing everything you feel down and take it too your doctor. Explain how the meds you had last time made you feel, there are many others that they can try. There may also be a session they could refer you too, such as talking therapy. It would probably be a group session but this might help you to get talking about your worries instead of bottling them up and you would be around people who feel the same so you wouldn't be judged and you might get to know some people at the same time. Ask your doctor what services are available in your area.

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amaeru (07-05-14),Paula (07-05-14)

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## amaeru

A night out drinking while on meds is not a great idea tbh - AD's and alcohol don't mix very well as a rule. Alcohol is a depressant anyway so after the initial good feeling can come a massive downer. Plus it counteracts the effects of the ADs and can prevent them from working effectively.
In addition some ADs can actually increase the effects of the alcohol.

An occasional drink in moderation will probably do no harm for most people - though many find the have to avoid completely while on meds - but heavier drinking whether regular or the occasion binge can be harmful.
Please be careful hunni

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Miss Molly (07-05-14),Suzi (07-05-14)

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## Miss Molly

:(hi):  SA89 and welcome  :): . I echo what has already been put.
However, you do have the support of us lot and most, if not all, do have a good idea on how you are feeling.
You are still young and have plenty of time to follow your dreams of that good career and also a good life. Yes it may not seem it now, but there are ways of getting into counselling as a career.  :(nod): 
Though at this time in your life, sounds like you need to look after yourself and yes ok, it might feel like hell on earth now, but your gp can help.
Please do get an appointment to see your gp and give Ads a chance.
There are people on here, including myself, that were so adamant that we didn't want to go on them, for whatever reasons.
Well I can honestly say that I am so glad that I went to my gp and asked for help. And yes I am still on Ads and yes I have had to change them once, through my gp and they are working.
I too have very lonely times through no fault of my own (I'm 50) and through my gp have joined a social group (MIND) and a course. Through these I have met new people and made some friends. Yes it has and still can be difficult to meet new people, well even old friends too but I'm fighting and fighting hard to get my life good again.
You can do it, just like everyone else on here. We are not allowing the 'black dog' to control us - we are learning to teach the black dog to heel.  :(bear):  You are not alone, we are here for you and anyone else that needs the support.  :Panda:

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amaeru (07-05-14),Strugglingmum (16-11-18)

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## Paula

Fantastic post MM  :):

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Miss Molly (08-05-14)

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## SA89

Thx guys, it seems that people with social anxiety feel like they're forever doomed to a lonely existence. It seems far fetched I know but with depression & general anxiety thrown into the mix its a constant burden. When that weight of despair is in full force its the most soul destroyin feeling ever. Atm I'm debating between a different AD or Vitamin D tablets. I've tried 2 types of ADs like I said & they weren't really that significant. They had some effect but I still felt flat if u get my drift. A lot of my stress stems from not knowing what career I want & job searching in general. Add loneliness to the equation & u can understand how it effects one's mind  :(: ..

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## Westin

What you say isn't far fetched at all. Social anxiety is such a lonely feeling. You can be in a crowd of 100 people and still feel like you stick out and nobody likes you. 
I don't see why you couldn't try a different AD and a Vitamin D tablet. They aren't mutually exclusive. *BUT* I would be careful with the Vitamin D. Since it is a fat-soluble vitamin, it's going to remain in your system for a while. If you have a healthy diet (fish tuna, fortified milk) and are out in the sun regularly (20 minutes a day), then you are probably getting enough. If you are taking a mega dose everyday, toxicity can damage your liver so I would be careful. 

I would say 99.9% of my stress comes from not knowing what career I want and the side effect of worrying about it nearly drives me crazy. So I am in the same boat with you. But you are not doomed. One day at a time has to be your mind set. Otherwise, living in the future (which you can't see), will rule your existence.

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## SA89

My hearts constantly racing 24/7, is that normal with anxiety?  :S:

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## Paula

If you're constantly in the situation causing the anxiety, yes.  And sometimes you can always be in that situation.  When in crisis I've been known to jitter, shake, pace etc all the time.  It's exhausting, but it's the adrenaline coursing through you, and, although frightening, is not a symptom there's anything wrong with your heart.

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## rose

Yes it can be. Try to consciously slow your breathing, by breathing deeply into your tummy.

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## SA89

I'll try. I always feel heavily exasperated (constant deep *sighing*  :Surprised: ) & my head/mind always feels 'blurred' as well, its hard to describe..  :S: . I'm under constant stress & I've felt like this for years much to peoples dismay. They don't understand  y I'm like this 'caus I'm 24 & should have no worries'  :(blush): .

I'm just really tired now of feeling stressed all the time, I wanna be free.. Is it even possible to overcome stress thats built up over time?  :(think): ..

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## rose

Yes, because I've done it. I was so highly strung just the slightest noise and I would jump out of my skin, and now... I'm not.
Practice deep breathing when you feel relaxed as well as when you feel stressed, your overall stress levels will start to drop.
Meditation is good too.

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Paula (07-05-14)

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## Suzi

Alexander Technique has been proved useful for others I've known with severe anxiety..

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## SA89

Life is just f u c k ed up, everytime I open the paper someones died of cancer.When ur depressed its the last thing u want to read every waking day. Its no wonder we're all stressed. Look how hard it is to find a job f f s? Or to build a social life from scratch when every1s on social media. Prospects r a gold mine in this day & age..  :8):

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## Suzi

It can feel like that, but maybe you  could search for the local pieces or the good news type ones?

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Miss Molly (08-05-14)

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## Paula

It is a fact that, when we are feeling low, we only see the bad.  When we're better, we see the positives. Having said that, the national media focuses on the bad so I tend to only watch the news online - that way I can ignore the stories I don't want to know about.for instance, had you seen this?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news...where-27296489

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Amaya (26-05-14),Miss Molly (08-05-14)

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## amaeru

K often reads it on teletext instead. He finds it less triggering

Maybe we should have a good news thread where if we come across an inspiring or otherwise good news item we can share it as an antidote to all the bad news around us

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Paula (08-05-14)

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## rose

I avoid the news for the same reason. There is often not much joy in it. And certain stories really wind me up.
I have started tentatively reading the news again recently.

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## Miss Molly

I just don't read the papers and also the news on tv, life is for living, without all that bad news of others. It's not that I didn't care, it's cos I'm putting me first in the 'headlines.' Something I'm finding hard to do but getting there.  :(nod):

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## Paula

I like that, we are our own headlines  :):

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Miss Molly (09-05-14)

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## SA89

aww thats considerate  :): . I'm seriously p i s sed off right now because to be blunt 'some b i tch is messin' me about'. I'm not seein her but we txt & she has just stood me up. People don't realise how simple ignorance can tip some1 over the edge. Especially when ur vulnerable & have never had a gf. I've compromised so much with this person (gave her taxi money, bought her drinks, put up with her pessimistic attitude & evn got ready for her tonight). She wr supposed be here 4 hours ago & has completely ignored my txts. It wouldn't hurt so much is I didnt depend on this person to alleviate this rotten loneliness I feel inside  :=(: ..

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## Westin

To be blunt it doesn't sound like she was a great catch to begin with. I'd forget about her. To play you like that isn't worth your time. You are better than that. 

BUT on the flip side I could be COMPLETELY wrong. Maybe some life emergency came up and she couldn't respond. That's a possibility too. But if she is/was your friend, I'd think she'd let you know something.

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Paula (09-05-14),Suzi (09-05-14)

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## Miss Molly

:(bear):   can only echo what Westin has put hun.

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## Suzi

> aww thats considerate . I'm seriously p i s sed off right now because to be blunt 'some b i tch is messin' me about'. I'm not seein her but we txt & she has just stood me up. People don't realise how simple ignorance can tip some1 over the edge. Especially when ur vulnerable & have never had a gf. I've compromised so much with this person (gave her taxi money, bought her drinks, put up with her pessimistic attitude & evn got ready for her tonight). She wr supposed be here 4 hours ago & has completely ignored my txts. It wouldn't hurt so much is I didnt depend on this person to alleviate this rotten loneliness I feel inside ..


Hang on, you don't know why she didn't turn up. 1001 things could have happened so I think referring to her as you have seems a little harsh.. However... paying out for everything isn't compromising love... If it was compromising then you'd both have had your fair share of "you do x and I'll do y" kind of thing..

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## SA89

hehe sorry about that just needed to vent in a safe environment  :(blush): . I'm tired of being let down. It was a blessin anyway because tonight i've spent serious research time on how to work through this horrible black hole of depression & anxiety. I've gathered notes but its just putting into practice. Here are some lifestyle changes I think will be helpful to improve mood over-time:

- Take steps to resolve stresses 
- Talk to others/Get Support
- Exercise  
- Fit fun rewardin activities in2 day
- Relaxation 
- General - Eat well/Sleep well/Vitamin D 

I'm gonna try my very best to work on each 1 of these because I want a better quality of life. Easier said than done I know  :(wasntme): . The key is to work on these REGARDLESS of how u feel. It adds up overtime to counteract the misery ur feeling. 
U can either sink or swim basically  :): .

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## Suzi

Good luck - those are pretty big lifestyle changes hun..

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## rose

It sounds like you had one of those moments when you fought back at depression and decided to beat it. Good on you!
Re the girl.... she doesn't sound that great. You deserve better than that.

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## SA89

ha they're just empty words atm, havin a sense of direction is the hardest part. Without direction despair is inevitable. Its even harder when u've no real friends to support u, its rather overwhelming to say the least. My 1st step is to sign up for a course that'll set me on the path to a career. Simply being on a path to something will alleviate the stress on 1 of my biggest insecurities. I think the ADs woud be wise to help stabilize me through this but the constant drowsiness could hinder my motivation hmm..  :(think): . I'm sure u guys can relate to this predicament & the fine line between stability & breakdown. I'm extremely vulnerable to giving up & crashin down to a flood of tears  :S: .

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## Suzi

Thing is there is nothing to say that the AD's will make you feel like that at all, worth a go maybe?

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## Paula

Not all ADs have that effect, I have to take one of mine in the morning because it does the complete opposite. Don't rule this option out, lovely

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## SA89

cool ill try & get the right 1. Every AD iv tried has made me drowsy thts y I mentioned (iv tried mitazapine & citalopram). So is their no way to overcome deep anxiety & depression without ADs? R all ADs actually safe.

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## Paula

I've not been on citalopram so I'm sure one of the other members can comment on that, but mirtazapine was one of mine and, yes, it's definitely a sedative.  There are other ways to treat depression, including counselling and CBT, but the benefit of ADs is they can help support you while you go through these processes. 

I would say that All ADs recommended by the NHS are safe, though some people can react to any particular AD in a way that requires immediately ceasing the drug.  This is very, very rare. There is a condition called serotonin syndrome which, again, is very, very rare and can be dangerous. I've had it, it was horrible while I was going through it but I'm ok and have no side effects .

If I were you, I would see your GP, advise them you need something that is unlikely to cause drowsiness, and tell them your concerns.  Honestly, millions of people in the UK take them, and come to no harm.  This link will give you more info

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Antidep...roduction.aspx

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## rose

I think its a common side effect of mirtazapine to feel drowsy, thats why its best to take it at night.
SSRIs like citalropam, fluxoetine, sertraline are activators... but can have the opposite effect overall, particularly if they disrupt your sleep. 
I think they're safe as long as you listen to your doctors advice, you start on a low dose and increase gradually, and keep a diary of your side effects.

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## SA89

ye I took them at night to combat that, I didnt really feel my depression lift though tbh. I've literally just woken up (sleepin through the day again  :(wasntme): ) & I just feel so flat. It really is the loneliness thats the killer. After i've had a bru & stuff I tend to pick up a bit but its always just me in my room. Browsing through facebook, seein how happy every1 else is with their 'amazing' social lifes. I dread summer so much because I literally do not know what to do with myself. Thats y I retreat to my shell..  

I constantly feel like I need to be sortin my career out before I do anythin else, its always at the forefront of my mind as a priority. As a result I can never truly enjoy anythin else. Its so demoralising when u have no meaningful direction in ur life. U literally have to engineer it from scratch & its a real battle..  :S:

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## Paula

I'm not going to be too nagging, but sleeping through the day is not good for your body clock, which throws everything else out of rhythm. 

You do know that most people only put the good stuff on fb? If you actually ask, most have problems they won't post about. Those 'amazing' social lives are, often, not what they're made out to be. And retreating to your shell will just make the loneliness worse.

I checked your profile, and you're 24. Now, I'm 40 and most of my friends/peers  did not have a clue what they wanted to do at the age of 24.  My husband has never worked it out, he fell into a job at Vodafone when he was 28 and has progressed to Senior Management almost by accident! And that is the case with most of my friends.  A lovely friend of mine trained as a midwife, and is now a missionary in Kenya!  It doesn't have to be a battle, just find something you might enjoy for now, and see where life leads you. You might be surprised  :):

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## Westin

They have anti-deps that are non-drowsy. I didn't even take mirtazapine for depression. I took it for insomnia. I usually slept way into the afternoon. 

And I agree with Paula. They post an "ideal" way of living and only show you the positive things. You have no idea what their life is really like. 
I have no clue what I want to do. I'm 22. I thought I did when I started college at 18 and then dropped out and then went back AGAIN. I STILL don't know. I'm just kind of, like you said, engineering it. But getting on the right meds and seeing your GP regularly and getting support will alleviate some of the battle. You may not know what you want to do yet. But you've got time. Try and not to compare yourself to the world. You are your own worst critic. 

Are there any clubs nearby you can get involved in? And cool groups to join? Can you go talk to a career counselor at your local university? Just telling them about your interests can at least guide you to some resources. You never know until you try.

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## Suzi

Without wishing to be harsh you have got to get yourself up and staying up during the day. What you are doing just isn't helping yourself at all..

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## SA89

I really do appreciate the support guys even though ur all practically strangers  :): . My sleep has been fkd up for years because of how constantly anxious I am. I've always been a recluse because I've always struggled to make friends. I have acquaintances at work but no1 I can visit or hang out with. Im 24 & all my life i've constantly been in my room 24/7 (except for college etc). I'm surprised i've not had a breakdown!  :(blush): . Its pathetic that I'm clinically depressed over somethin so trivial.

I'm fully aware that its down to me to change my life as it is with any1. My mums friends always tell me to 'get out there!' but its like who with!?. I do go clubbin etc with my cousin & her mates but thats like 1ce every fortnight. I can't even face goin sleep in my dark room, thts how painfully lonely I feel. Startin to well up again now  :=(: ..

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## rose

I'm in my 30s. I fell into my career by accident after taking pretty much the first job I could get after uni.... in telesales. I still wonder 'what shall I do with my life?' 
You don't need to know what you'll do with your life, life pretty much happens whatever you plan. Are you working at the moment?

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## Suzi

I'm the opposite to Rose. I always had a clear career in mind, went to Uni to qualify and even did that job for a few years and loved it. Then my husband became really ill and our lives came crashing down... If it wasn't for that then DWD wouldn't exist and I might even still be doing the job that I loved so much.. 

However I do truly believe that something happens for a reason, and I love running DWD..

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Angie (10-05-14),Paula (10-05-14)

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## SA89

Wow I didnt realise u ran the site, r we free to post as much as we want?. I'm just curious 'caus it could get a bit annoying after a while reading people moan  :(blush): . 

And ye I work part time rose (my mums name  :): ) at Burger King. I've been there 4 years, its completely dead-end. It wouldn't be so bad if didnt feel so ostracized from every1, I get on with them but I'm not in their 'clique'. I'm very socially awkward.. I volunteer as well at Mhist which is a mental health service. I do admin there so I can have a legit reference. I've applied for so manyy jobs to change this situation but hear nothing back, its such a frustrating process  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Yes I run the site, and the facebook page  :O:  Yes you can post as much as you want. I think I've read every post ever made on DWD (both this newer site and on the old one too) and so I can say with authority that it doesn't get annoying..  :O:

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## SA89

haha  :): . Why is it everythin we want in life is hard to come by? We all want the same; to have friends, a career & to be married with our own family. Obviously some are lucky to have those things but for others, like myself, it seems out of reach..

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## Suzi

If it was easy would it be worth it?

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## SA89

Thats an interestin point, maybe if it was easy we would have direct access to happiness?. I'm sick of competing with 100s of others for a basic job now.. Its a joke thats worn thin but there's nothin I can do other than to persist. It seems happiness is now further away than ever but then again happiness is subjective. People can be happy with the relative lives they lead. 

I consider myself to be quite capable & intelligent but its not being channelled whatsoever. Thats the most frustrating, knowing I'm capable of achieving somethin, anythin yet I'm completely stagnant.  

I'm curious whether its actually easier to get a high end job when ur qualified than it is to get a basic low end job against 100s of people?. I suspect it is  :(wasntme): .

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## rose

> I'm curious whether its actually easier to get a high end job when ur qualified than it is to get a basic low end job against 100s of people?. I suspect it is .


I think you might be right about that. But you are volunteering which shows you are proactively trying to get the experience you need. What sort of jobs are you going for?

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## Paula

Have you considered doing any further training/studying in the area you're interested in? I wonder if that may help potential employers see how committed you are to this.  At your age, for instance, I did an HNC at evening classes which bore no resemblance to my job at the time but stood me in good stead. I have also done qualifications at lower levels, but in an area which interests me.

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## SA89

I guess the Admin voluntary counts as training, thats why I decided to do that plus to get an insight into mental health. I've put that on my CV yet not a single response. I've done other voluntary work in admin places, IT troubleshootin etc (even though they weren't my roles as such) & I've exaggerated it the best I can. However, I only have Burger King as a legitimate reference tbh  :(blush): . 

I've seriously considered pursuing a counseling qualification but I'm not sure about listening to peoples problems for the rest of my life (no offence mods  :(smirk): ). Writing is another I've pondered but not sure what capacity  :(think): . I've applied for just anythin min wage Rose & Admin. It doesnt help that I have no social circle, its who u know not what as thy say.. It stresses me out so much all of this but it helps to articulate into text. I'm grateful for this forum knowing others can relate to this bleak despair  :): .

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## Paula

The vol work definitely counts, IMO, but perhaps some more structured study as well?

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## rose

You could try registering with a temp agency to see what experience you could get from that?

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## Suzi

Could you enrol with something like the OU for study? Or what about an adult education class?

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## SA89

I don't know tbh ladies, my minds too f u c ked up to comprehend atm. I present myself as a confident person, speak my mind etc although I'm quiet in social situations. My voluntary role demands me to be confident so I can deal with peoples problems appropriately over the phone. I'm just in a big rut atm where I'm strugglin to channel my potential into somethin productive. That applies to every1 I guess.

I'm doing watever possible atm to prevent those 'triggers' that affect my depression/anxiety, mainly by simply distractin myself. Thinkin about my future however is a 'trigger' in itself because of the stress it causes me..  :(devil): . I'm aware though that the only way forward is to build a future for myself. I can't stay in this vegetated state all my life..  :(think):

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## Suzi

So you have a voluntary role? Cool.. What about things that you enjoy?

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## SA89

I don't enjoy anythin, I know that sounds like defeatest talk but their is no career that interests me whatsoever.. I feel completely lost. My doctors just given Fluxotene (Prozac) but I'm concerned to take them 'caus some people are against them. My doctor said theyre safe though but he obviously gets paid to spout that.  FFS  :(wasntme): ..

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## rose

I take fluoxetine and I am still around to tell the tale!

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## Paula

Lots of people on DWD are on that AD. Would it help to talk to us about what worries you about taking them?

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## Suzi

My husband was on fluoxetine for years. Not only did it save our relationship but his life too.

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## amaeru

I've taken fluoxetine on several occasions over the past seven years. It's always worked for me. Some people do report side effects but tbh I never found that to be a problem while I was on them. The most I found was that they supressed my appetite and made me nauseous for the first couple of weeks but that subsided over time.
When the time came to come off them I've never experienced any ill effects from that either. Just a couple of weeks on reduced dosage, a couple of weeks taking one on alternate days and then off.

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## SA89

Thx, I'm havin an anxiety attack as I write this.. a sudden rush of anxiety just comes over me.. I hope these ADs subside that as well. I can't tell if they're panic attacks or not but its horrible. It just comes on like my heart suddenly beats extremely fast & I feel light-headed. I'm not hyperventalatin (to the extremeties of what people do) but I'm heavy-breathing  :Surprised: . It tends to happen more when I'm fatigued but it happens regardless  :S: ..

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## amaeru

Try to slow down your breathing hunni.
Focus on it and pay attention to each breath. Try to take in a short breath and let it out Slo-o-owly. 

Is there something in particular that is triggering your anxiety atm?

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## Paula

:(bear):  it's horrible when that happens, and exhausting. Try to rest, if possible, for a little while after an attack - the adrenaline rush takes a lot out of you.  My care worker has told me that a panic attack never last longer than 25 minutes (often shorter) because that is literally the longest period of time your body can sustain it.  When you feel it coming on, make sure you're sitting down, and try to even out your breathing.  I hope the meds start helping you soon

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## rose

Honestly, I had horrible side effects from fluoxetine, but I genuinely believe its saved my life, so it was worth it.

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## Suzi

If it's something you are having regularly then you need to be checked out by a hospital or GP.. It might be an anxiety or panic attack or it might be something more serious. Do get checked out hun..

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## SA89

Our moans & groans really do sound pathetic when u hear about the likes of chris sutton & the achievements he made before his death. Its frustratin 'caus we're all fully aware that theirs people worse off yet we can't seem to 'snap out' of this misery. Misery over stuff thats so trivial its laughable  :(blush): . 

Atm I'm tryin to somehow rationalize what the root cause of my relentless despair is. Ripping the root from the seed its embedded in is the only way to truly be liberated of it. And thus attacking it in an aggressive-minded fashion. Its just diggin out that stubborn ol' root thats the hard part..

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## Suzi

I don't think they sound pathetic at all... It's all about what affects you.. Yes what Stephen Sutton (I assume that's who you are talking about  :O:  ) managed to achieve is phenomenal, but that achievement for him could be the same as someone managing to get out of bed for 3 days in a row before 10am or so..

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Paula (15-05-14)

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## SA89

sorry ye I meant Stephen (damn auto-type  :(blush): ), I'm taken aback by how inspiring this wonderful young man was. I was referrin to our typical 'every-day' moaning not people who have legitimate reasons to moan. Basically the type on facebook that whine & complain & beg for attention. That constant self-centred neediness is embarrassing when u see the self-lessness of that young man. 

Its always the nicest people that suffer the worst & that really upsets me. The prospect of death really frightens me I'm not gonna lie, however inevitable. When ur depressed that deep rooted fear intensifies. The world becomes such a bleak picture that u struggle to look past the worst things imaginable  :S: .

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## SA89

Sorry for the double post (delete this if its forbidden) but does any1 else feel more 'lonely' during the summer?  :(think): . When ur a recluse summers the absolute worst time I find along with Christmas. I feel like I have to be somewhere to make the most of it which is easier said than done when u've no circle to socialise in. I have a walk round town sometimes but its not the same. Every1 seems to be doing something sociable all the time, they always seem to have plans with friends.

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## rose

I find Christmas and other 'happy times' very difficult but I must say something I always find cheers me up is summer.
You don't need to be socialising to enjoy it, just sitting in your garden with a book or having a walk in the park is so simple yet so lovely.
I am definitely a summer person!

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## Suzi

You could always try asking some of your friends to meet somewhere etc..

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## SA89

ye I go out with my cousin clubbin 1ce a week & the same thing happens over & over; she buggers off with some guy, I stay in town for a bit (feelin like a twat talkin to strangers) then I go home with my tail between my legs. I've just been now actually & its the last fkn time I go until I form legitimate friends of my own. Guys will no doubt relate to this, its the same thing ever year. 

We're expected to go out & party every week but u have to be really, really in the mood to dance with strangers. I start off spirited but then depression quickly settles in, triggered by feelin completely lost in a crowd of jubilants. These constant disapointing nights contribute to my low  self esteem i'd say  :(blush): ..

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## Westin

Why not fill your nights with things you enjoy then? If you know you're setting yourself up for a trigger, do something else.

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## Suzi

Totally agree with Westin.. I've never been a lover of clubbing etc so I did something different..

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## Paula

So why do you keep doing it?  I don't mean that aggressively, I really would like to know why. Is it because you don't like the thought of not going out, or because you don't know what other options there are?

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## SA89

ye pretty much the thought of stayin in on a weekend.. especially at summer/christmas. Its every1s favourite past-time on my fb etc so its kinda the natural thing to do. The alternative is stayin in on a weekend which I do everyday. When I'm out though my self-esteem is exposed in a place full of strangers. I'm an attractive guy apparently but i'm ridiculously short! (5'3-'4)  :(blush): . 

Even in Turkey last year, despite the lush setting my mood was still overwhelmingly low. I've broken down in tears several times in restaurants/pub toilets etc  :=(: .. I'm constantly riddled with insecurity - prospects, lack of relationships, low self-image etc. I'm percieved as a 'gd lad' with a gd sense of humour but behind the curtain I'm so unhappy with this miserable life I lead  :(: ..

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## Paula

I'm saying this with the proviso that I've never done this, though know of people who do. Have you ever considered joining one of those groups that arrange outings, doing all sorts of different things, where you can meet like minded people without any pressure? I wonder if it might take you out of the mindset that all there is to do at the weekend is clubbing, which you don't like.

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## SA89

I attended a depression & anxiety support group the other day, I suppose it helped to be with others who can relate. Some of the stories I heard wr really distressing & left me cold & rather disturbed. I think having a consistent daily routine would be the best therapy for me personally. Every day its just me & this black hole of nothingness, shut away in my room with inconceivable despair. These new ADs r a long way from kicking in as well.. I've noticed though when I'm working my depression is alleviated through the adrenaline rush. It would work wonders to work full time but thats so hard to come by  :(: ..

I really do appreciate the support people offer on these forums considerin u've no obligation to do so. I find it to be an invaluable respite in moments of complete hopelessness  :): .

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Paula (18-05-14)

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## Suzi

So glad we can help you hunni.. Are you going to go back to the group?

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## SA89

I may do, I find though that I'm nowehere near as bad as the people there. Its also a bit strange being the only young person, I think its 'caus more matured people don't care about the stigma as much  :(blush): . My 2 main issues really are social awkwardness and a lack of direction but all the speech in the world is not gonna solve that, only I can.

Being somewhere, around people (like the voluntary place I'm writing from) really does help. I dread going home 'caus when I really sit down to think what career to take I get stressed out & anxiety overwhelms me  :S: .

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## SA89

Feel so alone right now.. its so disheartening knowin people are livin life to the full with things to do & people to see. I'm sick to death of feelin miserable year after year.. 

How are u expected to be happy when u're so lonely? Or when u felt 'empty' for so long.. I definitely have some social anxiety & its always restricted me. I'm just so fed up with my life (or lack of) & can't take this misery any longer  :=(: ..

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## Angie

Have you been back to your gp and told them how things are and how your feeling

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## SA89

> Have you been back to your gp and told them how things are and how your feeling


ye he just sent me away on drugs as usual -_-.. I suppose thats all they can do, we can only help ourselves as they say. The world doesn't meet u half way. I had an assessment for counselling recently but thats weeks off. I think the key is to find some sense of direction like I said previously because ur wellbeing tends to even itself out. Direction being in prospects & relationships, both mine of which to be f u cked atm. When u find some sense of hope ur confidence naturally improves, I'm just completely lost & this despair is such a struggle to push through. Sorry for bein so negative  :(blush): .

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## Suzi

You don't have to apologise for being honest about how you are feeling.

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## Angie

Dont apologise hun

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## Paula

> Feel so alone right now.. its so disheartening knowin people are livin life to the full with things to do & people to see. I'm sick to death of feelin miserable year after year.. 
> 
> How are u expected to be happy when u're so lonely? Or when u felt 'empty' for so long.. I definitely have some social anxiety & its always restricted me. I'm just so fed up with my life (or lack of) & can't take this misery any longer ..


Honestly, hunni, peoples lives aren't generally what they seem.  What people post on social media is posted through Rose tinted glasses.  

What meds did your dr give you, and are you taking them?

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## SA89

> Honestly, hunni, peoples lives aren't generally what they seem.  What people post on social media is posted through Rose tinted glasses.  
> 
> What meds did your dr give you, and are you taking them?


My doc gave me Fluxotine 20mg, been takin thm for a few nights now at 10pm. I agree with u that people put on a facade to make thm look gd. Its frustratin 'caus people at my work are so obnoxious & vulgar but they're all together in a 'clique' and thats the only 'circle' I associate with. At homes no better.. my brother is the most vile, aggressive person u could imagine yet girls love him!  :(wasntme): . I've been considerate & selfless all my life & for what when these p r icks get it handed to them  :(: .

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## Suzi

Glad you've been taking them, but just be aware they take a while to start working.

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## Paula

Hunni, you've got 2 things being put into place 1. Anti-depressants which will likely take several weeks to really get working and 2. You're waiting for a counselling appt.  I know waiting for these to take effect is hard, but they're both really positive treatments.  It'll take a little while but they will help.  You've just got to trust in what your doctor is doing and be kind to yourself over the next few weeks

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## rose

I take Fluoxetine and it takes a while to work. I didn't even get side-effects until about day 7. I would suggest keeping a simple daily diary of how you feel.

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## Amaya

Hiya, welcome to the site from me, even if I am coming a little late to the conversation!  :): 

I notice that (quite a few posts back) you made a list. One of the things on it was exercise. Do you manage to do any? 
I really think that one of the reasons I recovered from depression last time around was because I was exercising loads. I did a mixture of things on my own and things at clubs etc. The endorphines you get really lift your mood, and it can be a good way of making friends with a different crowd of people. So, like a rock climbing club is somewhere you can go on your own and boulder, or rope climb with others.. There are often clubs that go away for the weekend etc. Just an example.

(I can't really talk because I'm not doing anything at the moment, but I plan to again soon!)

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## SA89

Thx guys  :(nod): . I did that list a while back & since then i'll be honest i've done absolutely nothing towards changing my lifestyle  :(blush): .. I've continued in my rut of despair, watching the world cup from my lonely bedroom. A lot of that despair stems from a basic need to be loved affectionately. I put on the big 'care-free' persona but its just a front to somehow appear functionel. 24 yrs of being socially inept whats another 60?.. I'd not rather not live than spend another 60 yrs or so lonely  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

Why hunni? Why haven't you done things to help yourself?

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## Paula

Have you been back to your GP for a med review? And you really do need to push yourself to get out, maybe do some exercise - but get away from the tv. That lifestyle is just going to bring your mood down

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## SA89

Its been my lifestyle pretty much all my life  :(blush): .. I think the reason y I stay in this rut is because it feels pointless pushing myself when there's nothing to push towards if that makes sense. And the moments I do push myself (like lookin for a new job or tryin to make friends at work) I either get rejected or i'm misunderstood. I'm consumed by my insecurities & its soo frustratin. I've not had a med review but I've been taking fluxotine regularly for about a month or so I think  :(think): .

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## Paula

Are you still waiting for a counselling appointment?

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## SA89

ye i've been waiting months!. I'm surprised I have some sense of sanity left being around people who constantly brag about their girlfriends & setting up a family..

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## rose

Hello.... are you on 20mg Fluoxetine? I had to take more than that before I saw real improvements. I think its a good idea to get yourself back to the doctor to discuss it. 
Its very difficult to get motivated to help yourself but just start with something really small.

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## Paula

And, when you see your dr, ask for the counselling to be chased up

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## Suzi

Definitely agree with the others that going back an talking to your GP is the best course of action...

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## SA89

How can u tell if the dosage ur on is too weak? I'm on 20mg & its hard to tell if its workin caus I'm still really depressed just not crying as much. If I up it to 30 wouldn't that just make me even more drowsy?.. Oh & seein a counsellor at 11am, just need to wake up for it!  :(blush):

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## Paula

You just have to speak to your GP, explain how you're currently feeling, including any side effects such as drowsiness, and they'll be the one to decide whether dosage needs to be adjusted or a different AD tried. But please remember that it can take up to 8 weeks to really feel the benefits of an AD.

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## rose

Definitely have a chat with the GP. Before you go for the appointment try to write a list of what's better, what's worse, what's the same. That information will help the GP decide whether its the right AD for you and doses etc.

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree. Go and tell your Dr as much as you can about how you are really feeling. Tell them everything -it will help. Let them talk you through the options that are available..

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## SA89

I just feel like basic needs are not being met such as the need for affection. When u've never had a gf thats bound to get to u. Its incredibly frustratin.. No amount of pills will fill that void  :(: .

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## Paula

True, but the meds can boost your mood so you feel more capable of tackling the issues in your life

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## Suzi

As Paula says, the meds will help to keep your mood more stable so you can work on other things you might need to...

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## rose

I agree with Paula and Suzi. Fluoxetine is slow acting medication and it will take about 6 weeks to start seeing real benefits, its one you have to be really patient with.

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## SA89

I've noticed my depression is worse during the week when I'm not doing anything. On weekends when I'm working my mind just kinda mellows out. Work really is the best therapy. Simply being around people at a given workplace is a comfort even if ur socially awkward like me. It also bridges that isolation however temporary. 

I've decided to continue my 20mg fluxotine for the time being because I don't wanna compromise the 6 week effect its already had on me (if any). Oh & I missed my counselling (caus' 11am is too early for me to dissect my life) so I'm back on the waiting list  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

Can you schedule stuff in during the week to make things easier for yourself...

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## SA89

> Can you schedule stuff in during the week to make things easier for yourself...


I'm workin on it.. Sat-Mon is not so bad 'caus those are the days I'm around people (however temporary) via voluntary & work. My mum & her friends keep tellin me to 'Do something about it!' & to 'Get out there!' which I agree would help but I find it really disheartening knowing how alone I feel all the time without a clear path. Its a struggle to shake off years & years of isolation/worry. I've applied for countless jobs as an escape route but nothing. Woe is me I know  :(blush): .. My counselling assessment is on the 25th & thn I'm back on a waiting list to see some1. 

The future looks so bleak right now. No friends, no prospects  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Oh yeah the "do something about it" comments.... If only it was that easy huh?

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## SA89

I wish it were.. I  think with depression its hard to pinpoint what it is exactly that we need to 'do something about' because we're clouded by such misery. I know that I need to fit in to form friendships & to figure out a career so its a collection of issues really. I just get overwhelmed tbh 'caus for every step forward theirs a step back. At work its like being at a party where I'm not invited knowing I struggle to fit in. That deep rooted loneliness follows me wherever I go & theirs just no relief watsoever..

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## Suzi

Stupid thought, but have you ever written a list of the things you want to change? Not as in "everything" or "me" but more specific.. So on mine would be "lose weight sensibly" and "sort out the yarn piles in the front room".... Things that when set out so they are broken down are actually clearer and so I they are things that aren't so huge, that I might actually challenge..

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## SA89

Do u mean a long term list or for every small target?. I think I have in the past & I did feel a bit satisfied as I ticked each 1 off. Mines more long term though I think like 'make plans with friends at work', 'plan a career'. I'm def more sociable at work but thy're still just acquaintances really. It feels impossible to simply just be content. In my mind I'm constantly sayin to myself 'if I just had a gf & a career I'm interested in everythin will be alright, I will be free of loneliness'. But I'm just going round in circles!  :(blush): ..

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## rose

With your career, do you know what you want to do? If not, its going to be pretty tricky to find it.
If you DO know, you could write a list of things you could do to help with the career.
Qualifications, work experience, volunteering, even a job in the same sector to get you an 'in'.
The goal of getting a career is so huge, it would be very difficult to just do it overnight, does that make sense?

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amaeru (12-07-14)

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## Suzi

Those are massive goals.. You need to break it down so much more.. so you could have "sit with other people at lunch 1ce a month" to start with or "look at the volunteer website" etc... Really small chunks to make a big target is so much more satisfying as it's achievable..

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## Paula

I agree with everyone, you can have an aim of getting to that point. For instance, getting a career.  You need to start by looking at your skills and training.  Then look at what you'd like to do, and work out if your skillset matches your aim.  If not, how can you gain those skills (study perhaps) and so on.  'Getting a career' as the long term aim is brilliant, but is never going to happen if you don't split it down into manageable chunks. It's a bit like a steak - your goal of eating it is fab but you still have to cut it up into mouth sized chunks

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amaeru (13-07-14)

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## Suzi

Excellent analogy there love!

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Paula (13-07-14)

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## SA89

So when u finish 1 list do u start another to keep urself 'movin' so to speak?. I'm doing a temporary role at NEXT atm but its only for 2 days. And next week I'm attending a volunteer meeting so thats some progress I guess (though I'm yet to start a list ( :S: ). I think a lot of peoples depression stems from a basic need of friendship & to be loved. If we didn't have that intense underlyin loneliness the perception of life would be a better place. I'm 25 tommorow & i've no one to celebrate it with other than my mum. How sad is that lol  :(blush): ..

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## amaeru

> So when u finish 1 list do u start another to keep urself 'movin' so to speak?.


Yup - well I do anyway.  :O: 
Some positive steps there hunni. That's great. And Happy Birthday for tomorrow  :(party):  :(party):

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## Paula

Happy birthday  :(party):  :(happy):  :(party):

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## Suzi

Woohoo! Happy birthday for tomorrow! 
So many positives!

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## SA89

I'm starting to feel its impossible for me to be happy or even content. Without friends or prospects it really is impossible to feel anything other than miserable. Money is a constant barrier in realising what little ambition we have. Study fees are ridiculous & jobs are scarce.. NEXT seemed a nice place for 1 days temp work but just like that its gone. An environment to blossom taken away.. I feel like crying but nothing comes out  :=: . That 'to-do' list is strugglin to even get off the ground, Its hard to formulate a route of action when all roads are closed off.

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## purplefan

I think you have to start takin things one day at a time. You think you are drowning and sinking deeper and deeper.
One way to deal with the depression is to break your problems down and deal with them one at a time. 
I think you need to go back and get your G.P. To look at what treatment is available. 
What you are going through is so difficult and you feel lost. 
Taking little steps at a time is one way of getting rid of that feeling. Sometimes it is difficult to cry, 
Take it a day at a time.

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amaeru (25-07-14)

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## amaeru

Have you tried nextstep SA89?

http://www.boltonwise.co.uk/nextstep.htm

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## SA89

ye i'm just f k n sick of people like my mums friends tellin me to 'get out there & socialise!'. I'm 25 now, I get it, I need to sort myself out whatever that means. I know they mean well but I can't just magic friends from pixie dust. People have always liked me as a person yet I've no friends just acquaintances, how does that work out!?  :(blush): . I despise seein couples through sheer envy of what I desperately desire  :(envy): . Without videogames I would probably feel suicidal or more outgoing I dunno. They offer me an escape just like working does, best therapy I have tbh.. 

I'm still on 20 fluxotine & that makes me drowsy enough so I don't really want to up it. I think they work but its hard to tell. If I was actively making progress then I'm sure they'd be more effective.

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## rose

Are you sure its the medication making you drowsy?

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## Suzi

Are you in a good sleep routine?

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## SA89

My sleep routines been f u c k ed for years lol  :(blush): , but even if it were gd i'd feel the same tbh. I generally catch up in the day when I'm off work. I'm certain its the meds makin me drowsy 'caus everytime I go on an AD I  feel more tired, but thats to be expected. I'm not gonna lie I'm absolutely desperate for a gf just to experience love & affection. Sounds sad I know but It eats away at me every waking day. I often get told I'm gd lookin (despite my lack of height), I just have serious confidence issues  :S: ..

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## Suzi

I can see where you are coming from, but having a gf isn't automatically going to solve anything or make it better...

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purplefan (11-08-14)

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## SA89

> I can see where you are coming from, but having a gf isn't automatically going to solve anything or make it better...


ye ur right, its just so soul-destroyin seein people happy, getting affection, getting married etc when I'm yet to even have my 1st gf! :/. My desire for affection is clouding the real issue which is.. u know what I don't even know what the issue is. All I know is that the way I've been feeling all these years stems from my social withdrawal as a child. I even ran upstairs if some1 knocked on the door, pathetic I know  :(blush): .. 

I keep tellin myself everythin will fall in2 place 1ce I'm clear on what career path to take but I'm running in circles. Its the constant loneliness thats draggin me down & sustaining the misery. I wanna feel good for a change, I'm sick of fighting this depression , its a losing battle  :(: ..

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## Paula

You're not pathetic, please stop calling yourself that. And fighting the depression is not a losing battle, it's just a case of getting the treatment that's right for you, and that means engaging with whatever medical professional/s necessary.  If you've been struggling since you were a child, without dealing with those childhood issues, you're not going to be able to get everything else to fall into place, just because you want it to.  Go to your GP, explain what you've said here, and ask for a referral to the relevant  psych professional.

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amaeru (10-08-14)

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## amaeru

Paula's right hunni - Make that appointment.
 :(nod):

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## SA89

> You're not pathetic, please stop calling yourself that. And fighting the depression is not a losing battle, it's just a case of getting the treatment that's right for you, and that means engaging with whatever medical professional/s necessary.  If you've been struggling since you were a child, without dealing with those childhood issues, you're not going to be able to get everything else to fall into place, just because you want it to.  Go to your GP, explain what you've said here, and ask for a referral to the relevant  psych professional.


I'm on a waiting list to see a counsellor. This will be my 5th counsellor lol  :(blush): . Regardin meds I've been taking Fluxotine 20mg for a few month now & they do help in some way 'caus I don't cry as much. If I switch again i'd be startin over again while these have settled in. Maybe I need a stronger dosage I dunno but then I'll likely be more drowsy thus more lazy & less pro-active. 

Atm I'm still applying for jobs online whilst working weekends & volunteering on the Monday. Just need something consistent in the week really thats productive. Then my life wouldn't solely revolve around a place where I don't fit in  :(mm): .

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## rose

If they are helping you, but you don't feel quite right, you can ask to increase..... just go to the GP and explain what's going on.

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree with Rose. Go and talk to your GP and tell them how you are feeling...

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## SA89

Waiting 2 weeks to see my doctor who's on holiday & I'm gonna try to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. Tonight I went out to a few bars for the 1st time in months & it wasn't too bad but I felt rather uncomfortable. Tonight made me realise that I should really try & bulk up my physique because I'm embarrassingly slim compared to my peers!  :(blush): . Plus I'm short as well.. 

Despite my ill thoughts I managed to get a few moves in on the dancefloor lol. Went out for a family meal prior to clubbin which was nice. I constantly get the 3rd degree though on how I need to be more independent & engage outside of my room. I completely agree, I just find it really difficult to look beyond my insecurities, I'm 25 & I'm ridiculously timid!  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Have you thought about trying to go to a group who all have similar interests? A dance class or whatever it is that you enjoy?

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## SA89

My head is so convoluted that I don't enjoy anythin. I've applied for stuff here & there.. I went to my doc yesterday & apparently I cant get a diagnosis because I'm not like mental or anythin. He said my depression is a result of my social withdrawal ever since I was a kid. And he said uppin my 20mg will just mke me more tired  :(snooze): .

I've tried other meds & thyre the same. I can't take this unbearable lonely feeling anymore. Without meaningful relationships theres no reason for me to be here. Constant misery with no end in sight.. I've even tried dating sites with not 1 response frm like 20 messages ha  :(blush): . Desire.. Despair.. Desire.. Despair..  :=(:

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## Suzi

Has the doctor referred you for therapy or given you some idea of what you can do to help? I'm really not sure that him saying that was particularly helpful...

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## Amaya

The Mind website lists loneliness amoungst the other common mental health issues. Not sure how that relates to diagnosis exactly.

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## SA89

> Has the doctor referred you for therapy or given you some idea of what you can do to help? I'm really not sure that him saying that was particularly helpful...


I started therapy last week with an asian woman so i've got 6-12 sessions with her. I think with social withdrawal the only thing any1 can tell u really is to 'get out more' etc, thts y I think the doc was so vague. That advice will follow me to my grave!  :(blush): . I do go places like town for example but its always been just me & my shadow. I'm still takin the fluxotine despite little relief but wt choice do I have?. Without thm I'm even more emotional. I can barely crack a genuine laugh anymore  :S:  (except wen I'm banterin with my cousin).

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## Suzi

Glad you've started therapy... What about joining a group with similar interests?

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## SA89

I just don't fit in anywhere, I've had 4 interviews recently & failed every single 1 of them. Came across well just don't have customer service experience basically. I'm so desperate for a relationship that its clouding my every move. Even if a girl has a moody personality she'll still attract men wereas a man wouldn't be given a second look & be considered 'weak'  :S: .

When we're not meeting this need its immensely frustrating & painful. Seein other lads at work flirting with objects of my desire makes me deeply despairing within an instant. Just to experience love for the 1st time would be liberating (even if thy wr to dump me shortly after!). Apologies if this comes across as self-loathing but I just needed to vent this immense frustration to a public audience  :(doh): .

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## Noel

Hello , if it is any help , i was exactly like this through my teenage years , I couldn't think of any good points about myself . I was short , and so self conscious about everything , from my looks to my personality which ironically was ok until i became so self conscious . I hit an all time low when i was 18 , painfully shy with a real need to be liked by others . What i did was start going to my local gym every other night and started weight training and going on the treadmill , and they had a punch bag also . (i think at the time i thought i was rocky ) . The gym isn't everyones cup of tea but without realizing after a few months of this routine of "me" time and to hell with what others were doing or saying i for the first time in years started to get my self confidence and even though i felt like i was no oil painting i felt great about myself . I am 41 now and i do get bouts of depression which is clinical , but that time i started to go to the gym really gave me the confidence to come out of my shell . The gym isn't for everyone but it worked for me . I am sure the right person is out there for you , places like gyms or running clubs will also get you socializing .

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## Paula

You haven't failed those interviews, they'll have just gone with someone with more relevant experience.  Are you working at the moment? If not, have you considered doing temp work to gain experience?

Experiencing love if you get dumped shortly after, seems to me to be a statement that you're not looking for love, but sex.  And if a girl is looking for a relationship, they will see through that, and more often than not, be put off. Try looking for a girl you'd like to spend time with rather than an 'object of your desire'. (Btw, women aren't objects)

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## Suzi

As Paula has said - is it love or sex you are wanting?

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## SA89

I want both tbh but more a soul-mate who I can go shoppin with & frolic in the sun. That ain't happenin anytime soon though because I'm a serious recluse. I work atm yeah on weekends at Burger King. I just feel constantly withdrawn from every1 else there because they're all socialites. Bein 5'3 doesn't help but thats no excuse tbh  :(blush): . Paula a few of those interviews I had wr for temp work. My brothers a pain as well, hes just not a very nice person, smokin weed in the house all the time, tellin mum to f off etc. My life is so miserable, I feel trapped inside my circling thoughts. I'm that motionless I may as well be a vegetable  :=: .

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## Suzi

Sorry, can I check how old you are? What do you do with your time during the week when you aren't working?

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## SA89

> Sorry, can I check how old you are? What do you do with your time during the week when you aren't working?


I'm 25. I'm in my room all the time on the internet or the playstation except for Mondays were I briefly volunteer as a receptionist at a mental health service. I've been the same ever since play-school, its not autism though 'caus I speak just fine with people. Its more social anxiety were I struggle to engage with people (unless I'm spoken to kinda). I'm really quiet wereas every1 I associate with is the complete opposite. They have the security of an esteemed social life. Close friends, gfs, parties, basically 'normality' that i've always wanted but can only dream about. Some of these people aren't even that endearing tbh but thy're loud and assured which draws them to each other  :(think): .

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## Paula

Lovely, I've looked back at your earlier posts and noticed you were on ADs but came off them suddenly with no medical supervision.  Can I ask if you are taking anything at the moment, and when was the last time you saw your doctor for a checkup?

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## Suzi

Staying in your room playing on the playstation isn't going to help at all. Is there anything else that you could be accessing?

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## SA89

Nothing interests me enough to get in debt over. I'm sick of applyin for retail jobs & gettin overlooked after the interview but I'm 25 & need to be regularly workin. Basically I don't have customer service experience so I may as well not even bother applyin. I'm a gd saver & live with my mum but 2 days a week at Burger King is not great in ur mid 20s  :(blush): . My voluntary job is gonna give me more responsibility which I'm doin in the hope it leads to paid work. Its a charitable mental health service though so an oppurtunity may never arise!. 

I know this may sound like 'woe is me' but everythings heightened when ur a loner. No friends or anythin to pick u up when ur down. I'm on Fluxotine 20mg btw & I saw the doc other week, even he's clueless!. Oh I'm seein a counsellor though who likes to ask me 'how am I feelin' after every f u kn sentence  :(yawn): ..

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## purplefan

Counsellors are a funny breed.  They like to keep in control of the conversation ànd ask awkward or confusing questions to see what your reaction is. However if the questions are bothering you, you can tell him/her how annoyed it is making you. 
The job market can be a tough place and when depression is there, it can be tough to sell yourself in a positive light.
The only thing there 8th to keep on going. I know it is  demoralising getting rejection letter after letter.
I do hope things get better.

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## Suzi

As the lovely PF suggests, have you told them how that is making you feel?

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## SA89

ye I suppose thyre just doin their job. The thing is I see a new job as the only way to build up my confidence & meet new people. In my mind I'm like 'I shall continue to seclude myself until I prove myself with a career plan'. I've refused outings based off this warped mentality. I'm ashamed of where I am in life. I don't even go to the pub or anythin just caus I'm so uncertain about my future  :S: .

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## Suzi

I don't think you should be ashamed of it at all. No 2 people will do things at the same time.... Give yourself a break.

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## Amaya

Do you enjoy learning things? Because there are lots of funded college courses around that might open up employment opportunities in the future. Plus at college there's a better chance of making friends with like minded people than in the workplace. Perhaps think what you would like to learn about and make some calls/ internet searches. It might help with the boredom too  :):

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## SA89

> Do you enjoy learning things? Because there are lots of funded college courses around that might open up employment opportunities in the future. Plus at college there's a better chance of making friends with like minded people than in the workplace. Perhaps think what you would like to learn about and make some calls/ internet searches. It might help with the boredom too


Completely agree with u that college has like minded people, thats y I'm lookin in2 goin back, plus I want a future. However, is the employment rate higher with an education opposed to not?. I'm curious 'caus theres people at Burger King with degrees yet thy're stuck flippin whoppers!. Thats y i'm so hesitant to pursue counselling studies 'caus theres no guarantee of a career at the end of it. I'm scared of getting in2 debt with nothin to show 4 it  :(think):

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## Suzi

Yes that's true, but it's always been the way. I have a degree - actually a good degree which I'm not currently using and may never be able to use again, and I have the debt. But I wouldn't change it. For me it was the right thing to do and I still study various things because it gives me time to be me...

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Paula (18-10-14)

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## Paula

I don't think any education is a waste. I'm currently doing a course that I'm loving, but I'm unlikely ever to be well enough to use it.  However, 1. I'm loving it and it's stretching my brain cells and 2. Who knows if it's  going to help one day?

If you're keen on counselling, perhaps volunteering at your local CAB could be a step in the right direction?

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## SA89

ye I think volunteering combined with a qualification is the best way to go. Experience accounts for more than a certificate nowadays, its just finding ways to get that experience. Voluntary is the best way to get it under ur belt 'caus its openly accessible. Hopefully that sense of control will help ease the depression because its still overwhelming. Even after a relatively pleasent day at work I come home & feel detached from the world 1ce again. I'm just desperate to experience a genuine relationship, its all I think about & its made me so miserable.

I'm probably the most caring person in my workplace & I banter with people but there's a divide of 1 big 'clique' & every1 else. Its really annoying & triggers my loneliness everytime I see this group of people. Thats y I'm desperate for somethin fresh because theirs no light at the end of this tunnel  :S: .

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Paula (19-10-14)

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## SA89

Rights thats it.. there's no point to me carryin on this life. I have no life & I don't wanna be like this for another 20,30,40,50 years. Social anxiety has beaten me & raped me of my self-worth. Everywhere I turn there's people livin life to the full, Its  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in soul-destroyin. 

I'm cryin my eyes out as I'm typin this after yet another miserable day at work of feelin unwanted. I wish I never had anxiety or depression, my quality of life is severely diminished & theres no way out. I don't want to live anymore & I ain't ringin the Samaritans. I'd rather not pro-long the misery  :=(: ..

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## Paula

Hunni, try to calm down and talk, here and/or the Samaritans.  Or please get yourself to A&E.  There is always a way out - I've been where you are, lovely, and my doctors found a way every single time. Please, please get yourself to safety  :Panda:

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Angie (19-10-14),magie06 (19-10-14)

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## Paula

I hope you're a bit calmer now, hunni.  When was the last time you saw your doctor? What treatments have you had? Medication, CBT, counselling etc? There is so much point to you carrying on, you are such a warm, caring person. This forum is here to help and support each other through tough times, and we will be with you all the way  :(bear):

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## magie06

Oh hunny I hope you are feeling a little better now. I wish I had a magic wand to help you get through the next few hours. Have you got an emergency doctor that you can get in contact with after hours? Or is your A&E nearby? I now if it was in my case the out of hours doctor is always there for me. Then after seeing him or her there might be a referral to the hospital. I've never had to use this service myself but I know that it's there as a safety net for me if I need it. I hope that you have a safety net like me!

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## Suzi

I'm sorry that you have had a bad day at work, but I do agree with the others that you need to see some medical professionals... I do hope that you get to A+E or a crisis team.

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## SA89

sorry for being melodramatic, I just wanted to express the sheer despair of depression  :(: . Today was better at work because there where new staff so it freshened the scene up a bit. People seem to really like me because I'm easy going & rather quirky but I still don't have a 'circle' of friends'. I'm only 5'3 (which is embarrassing for a male) but people have mentioned I'm gd lookin, yet i've never even had a gf like EVER. Thats y I'm so frustrated.. 

'Singletons' are single in transition but for us awkward virgins it seems an eternity. I'm not a virgin but thts another story. At least they've experienced love/lust. I dread turnin the lights off at night, thats how deeply lonely I feel. Anyway If u've managed to get through this self-pityin, attention-seekin block of text then u deserve a medal  :(blush): .

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## Paula

You don't have to explain the sheer despair of depression, everyone here gets that.  It does help to talk, properly, about how you're feeling, however.  In my 20's, most of my friends were work friends - and transitional at best.  My true 'circle of friends' have been built up through my 30s - and they're the ones I trust completely.  It's from that age onwards that we learn what is really important in friendship.  So don't fret.

I don't think think I've ever discounted a man because of his height, build, looks. What has always mattered to me is personality, kindness, and someone who can make me laugh. It's doesn't matter how tall the man is who's rushing you to A&E after a fall, just that they're prepared to be the one to get you there.

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Suzi (25-10-14)

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## Suzi

Pass me a medal as I read your whole post too  :O:  Seriously, your height isn't going to be the be all and end all - people fall in love with people for far more than their looks. My husband fell in love with me (overweight, loads of medical issues etc) and I fell in love with him (no hair due to alopecia universalis , depression, other factors)and we've been together for 15 1/2 years - he's also not that tall...

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## SA89

I'm slim though as well as being short which doesn't help. I just never seem to put on weight & I eat a lot. Combine that with a big nose & social anxiety & walla! u have low esteem  :(blush): . I ain't ugly despite these factors but these insecurities have certainly kept me in a shell all these years. People don't realise how mentally exhaustin it is tryin to improve urself socially & fit in when ur a recluse & have no friends. Especially so with depression. 

I feel detached from everythin. Being around people does nothin for me & when I reach out to engage I'm left with awkwardness. 25 years of feelin worthless.. I'm extremely emotionally imbalanced & it blocks any feeling I conjur up from deep within  :S: ..

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## Samantha340

I know what you mean and don't really have an advice, only thing we can do is learning to accept the way we are.

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## Suzi

Have you ever had specific therapy for this?

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## SA89

ye I'm on my 6th session. I've started workin out a bit 1ce a week & I bought a lovely 50' tele today. I've also been given a bit more responsibility at my voluntary which will benefit my CV. None of this eases the loneliness though. The only way to ease this intense despair is to engage with people & i've struggled with that for 25 years. I'm gd at bein civil but thts not enough. I'm sick of seein every1 else happy but me, I want some of that happiness!  :(: .  

I feel imprisoned within my self, desperate to be free. Its mentally exhaustin.. Sortin a career out is at the forefront of my mind thats y I seclude myself. I feel ashamed to even bother socialisin knowin I'm doin absolutely nothin with my life  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

Are you doing anything social which means you get to meet other people?

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## SA89

Other than work & voluntary no. I get on with people at work & 'banter' but I don't hang out with them 'caus I'm not in their circle, thats always been the case. I'm not socially savvy like that. Every1 seems to always have plans; weddings, halloween parties etc. If I just had like a little circle thn I don't think my social anxiety would be as bad. Because thats a foundation to build upon. I talk perfectly fine to people, I'm just ridiculously timid  :S: .

 Anyway.. I've got a voluntary meeting soon, thts a chance to mingle I guess. I've had 5 counsellors & 3 types of meds & I'm still friend-less. I don't really class workmates as friends. A friend is some1 u hang out with  :8): .

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## Paula

Why do you think you're not in their circle? Is it because of their attitude or is it because you pull back? If there's an office do, do you go, for instance? Do you chat around the coffee machine?

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## Suzi

I do wonder too why you instantly think you aren't in the same circle..

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## SA89

> Why do you think you're not in their circle? Is it because of their attitude or is it because you pull back? If there's an office do, do you go, for instance? Do you chat around the coffee machine?


Bit of both, the majority who wrk there r ur typical 'jack the lad'. When I did a counseling course briefly last yr I found a connection somewhat with the students. In fast food its ur typical army type mentality, people banterin about football non stop & makin sex jokes to the girls etc. I take the p i s s as well (helps day go faster) but I'm always on hand to help people out & I make sure to involve other shy people when I'm speakin  :Panda: .

After 4 yrs in 1 place its clear there's a divide between the introverts & extroverts. I'm kinda in the middle 'caus I'm friendly to every1 yet really awkward at the same time. Its the same everywere really, the introverts r kinda just pushed to 1 side (sorry if I'm ramblin  :(wasntme): ).

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## SA89

if any1 reading this thread has difficulties socialisin like I do I've found this to be invaluable  http://www.succeedsocially.com/. Covers everythin  :O:

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## Suzi

Do you do anything for fun?

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## SA89

> Do you do anything for fun?


Gamings the only fun I get. I'm desperate for a change in working environment but jobs r scarce without experience. I'm never gonna move forward in this place, doin the same s h it for 5 years on top of not fittin in.. 
Theres no point to life without friends, relationships. I don't want to continue my life being alone. 25 yrs of insecure misery, thats evidence enough that its not gonna get better. I'm not cut out for this world  :(: ..

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## Paula

But you've been in your current job for 5 years, so you have that experience. Have you considered doing some training to broaden your horizons?

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## Suzi

SA89 of course you're "cut out for this world"... We aren't all the same, we don't all like the same things and we react differently to each experience. It doesn't mean that some of us are more "cut out for this world" than others at all. 

You do have experience - maybe you need a change of scene? What kind of gaming?

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## Samantha340

> Theres no point to life without friends, relationships. I don't want to continue my life being alone. 25 yrs of insecure misery, thats evidence enough that its not gonna get better. I'm not cut out for this world ..


I dont know anything about your life, but just one question: Not at least one friend in school? 
And there is no evidence that the next 25 years will be the same, unless you can predict the future, which would be brilliant, so you could give me the winning Lotto numbers.   :O: 

I know you think, the last 25 years were awful therefore the rest of my Life will be the same, BUT there is no evidence for this. Yes it might be the same if we dont put the hard work in to try changing our lives (new job, new hobby, new friend), but a new hobby will lead to meeting new people and who knows who will cross your way.  (Just my opinion, after having a great day. I put my worries far away and just went out to meet some friends, concentrated on them and actually managed to enjoy myself. 
Lately, I have been the same as you, I am not made for this world and everything is sh**.  Changing this thinking is hard work, but concentrating on positive things does help. And believe me, those positive things are only small things, like getting a smile back from a stranger)

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Paula (02-11-14),Suzi (02-11-14)

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## SA89

Thanks, I really appreciate the support  :(nod): . My head is so f u c k ed up, it feels like its impossible to re-program. Its funny 'caus at my mental health voluntary I'm capable guidin people to the right direction but not myself. I may just jack in these meds 'caus whilst thy may work in the background somewhat, I just wanna sleep all the time. They hinder motivation & i've been on a few types. 

Need to weigh up if being more tired but less anxious is better than vice versa. The only way to be free of this lastin misery though is to have a gf to share my life with. That opens up so much possibilities and gets u out to exciting places. I'm desperate for that assurance of havin a partner by my side. I can't enjoy this life by myself, its so depressin & 'empty'. Just me & the internet every soddin wakin day. The only medication I need is love  :(: .

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## Paula

Please do not just jack in the meds. Going cold turkey is extremely unpleasant and may set your mood back significantly. If your meds aren't doing the trick, please discuss alternatives with your gp. There are many different ADs out there and sometimes it is a case of trial and error - it took a long time for me to get the correct combination of meds but we got there in the end. Additionally, there are alternatives to meds, or things you can use together with meds.  Counselling, CBT etc.  please go to you doctor and talk things through

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## Suzi

I completely agree with Paula, go and talk to your Dr..

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## john d

Got to agree wth the girls on this one.don't want to put you off meds but it took a good 2yrs to find a combo/dose that worked for me but it does take less for others,see your gp if I was you and certainly don't go cold turkey on the meds

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## purplefan

If you just stop taking your meds it can lead to more problems. I have to agree with the others and see your GP.
Going through what your going through is no easy quick fix remedy.  It is a tough time, so please continue to take your meds
Unless your GP tells you not to.

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## SA89

I know wt u guys r sayin but each day is passin me by in bed. I'm in a fixed lucid state 24/7 with these chemicals whizzin roun' my 'ead  :(snooze): . Theres pensioners that have more energy than me!  :(blush): . All the doc will do is either up my dose or switch them to another drowsy substance. Drugs have that effect. Citalopram, Mitazopine & now Fluxotine i've had. Talkin 'feelings' through is irrelevant if I feel tired all the time to actually 'act' on what the counsellor is tellin me.

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## Paula

Not all meds cause drowsiness, there are many more options. If you tell your doctor that's a problem for you, they will help.  But they can't help you if you don't tell them. And, once the drowsiness goes, you can perhaps investigate the talking therapies.

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## rose

Mirtazapine usually makes people feel drowsy. Out of interest, what dose of Fluoxetine are you on?
Don't just stop taking your meds, its likely that doing that will make you feel very unwell.
Please see the GP again?

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## Suzi

Are you sure it's the meds causing you to be so tired or could it be something physical?

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## SA89

I'm physically healthy & I eat well, my sleeps been  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed for years though so thats also to blame. I go sleep late & awake in the evening. Before the meds though I felt more fresh in my mind. The seretonin has definitely made me more sleepy. Depression/stress/anxiety on their own wear u down without supplements. I tell my doc everytime if hes got somethin tht doesn't mke me drowsy & all he can do is sample somethin else on me like a guinea pig.

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## Paula

Unfortunately, there's never a 'one size fits all' effect with ADs. Your doctor is not treating you like a guinea pig, they're just trying to find out which AD suits you.  Different people react differently to different ADs. The doctor is trying to help you, but you have to do your bit too - telling them the meds aren't working for you is a good start. 

Suzi's right too, you should ask your GP to rule out physical effects.

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## Suzi

Paula's right, you need to tell them what's going on..

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## SA89

when u change meds aren't u startin from scratch?. All those months takin fluxotine will be a waste won't it because i'm re-adjustin again to another drug. Oh & I didn't show for my counseling y'day so thy've removed me from the 'case'. I dunno how I'm gonna get through this with no support at all now  :(: ..

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## Paula

If the fluoxetine isn't working, you need to tell your doctor so you can work out a program of change.  It's not a waste if the Dr feels it isn't right for you, because you can rule out that drug. But you're not going to get better by pretending to the doctor that they're working. And you need to explain to the counsellor that you wish to continue the counselling sessions, and commit to it - if not, you may need to go through the referral - again talking to your doctor

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## SA89

I can't tell if thyre wrkin or not though paula. I'm still depressed but thts the same wih any drug 'caus thy don't magic it away. I've found ADs to reduce anxiety more thn anythin evn though its still there. I don't cry as much 'caus thy kinda block any emotion comin through. My counsellor has cancelled all my sessions now so thts done.

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## Paula

That doesn't mean you can't get re-referred if your doctor thinks it's appropriate. No the ADs don't Magic it away, but they do provide support while you find other ways of coping with depression.  Keeping a mood diary each day might help you realise whether the treatment is having an impact - when your days are bleurgh, you may look back over the last month and realising you're having less bleurgh days than before.

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## Suzi

> when u change meds aren't u startin from scratch?. All those months takin fluxotine will be a waste won't it because i'm re-adjustin again to another drug. Oh & I didn't show for my counseling y'day so thy've removed me from the 'case'. I dunno how I'm gonna get through this with no support at all now ..


Why didn't you go to your counselling?

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## SA89

I'll be honest.. I didn't go 'caus I couldn't be bothered. Walkin to town in the freezing cold just to hear wt I already know. I've had severe social anxiety all my life but improvin it is 2nd to creating a career for myself. I told her this & we looked at ways of gettin back to college (currently applyin for financial support on that front). 

Regardin the tablets I'd say my mood has been up & down wereas prior I didn't ever feel positive. On this 20mg fluxotine I've felt hope at times but then i'll crash to despair again  :(doh): .

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## Suzi

Really not turning up because you couldn't be bothered doesn't show anyone that you want help and with such underfunded resources they are being much harsher on people who don't turn up to give that space to someone who does. 
When are you seeing the Dr next? Tell them about how things are on your meds...

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## Paula

Hunni, the medical staff can only do so much. You really need to be commited to helping yourself and working with your GP and counsellor. They are trying to help you, but the impetus has to come from you.  You can get better, you  just have to really want to

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## SA89

I attended 5 sessions & i've had 5 counsellors altogether, I'm gettin nowhere & I know its down to me. Talk is cheap I need to take action to rewire my mind. I need something, anythin to look forwarrd to. Something that is a release from now 'caus now is hell. I just don't fit in with extroverts at all, I feel completely inadequate towards a cocksure alpha male, however crude thy may be.

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## Suzi

What kind of counselling have you had? Could you speak to your GP about something different? Is there a mind group near you that you could attend?

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## SA89

I seriously think I need to stop ADs now guys. They suppress any emotion I feel, I don't feel empathy, nothin. My depression is moderate I think (evn though it feels overwhelming) because i've never felt suicidal, just really depressed for years as a result of my social anxiety. 

I appreciate ur advice but I can't progress my emotional state at all if its artificially suppressed. Freein my mind is the only way I can truly 'feel' somethin again. Sedating moderate depression just makes u emotionless in the long term tbh  :(: .

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## Angie

> My depression is moderate I think (evn though it feels overwhelming) because i've never felt suicidal, just really depressed for years as a result of my social anxiety.


Just because you don't feel suicidal doesnt always mean your depression isn't severe, I have a diagnosis of severe depression now 2 years on from first being diagnosed, though have had depression a lot longer than that, and I am not suicidal, 

If you are not happy on the medication then you really need to see your gp and talk to him/her honestly about it, if you find that hard then write down what you want to say and show them  that

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## Paula

> I seriously think I need to stop ADs now guys. They suppress any emotion I feel, I don't feel empathy, nothin. My depression is moderate I think (evn though it feels overwhelming) because i've never felt suicidal, just really depressed for years as a result of my social anxiety. 
> 
> I appreciate ur advice but I can't progress my emotional state at all if its artificially suppressed. Freein my mind is the only way I can truly 'feel' somethin again. Sedating moderate depression just makes u emotionless in the long term tbh .


Every AD is different and has a different effect on every different person.  If you didn't speak to your Dr about the suppressed emotion - and how you feel about that- nothing is going to change. So, coming off ADs is not the only way of truly feeling anything again.   I'm on high doses of 2 different ADs, a mood stabiliser, and tranquillisers and still 'feel' many emotions - joy, empathy, love, worry, etc etc. it might just be the wrong AD for you.

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## rose

I came off Sertraline because I thought it was suppressing my emotions, it turns out my emotions were suppressed by depression, not the ADs. The ADs were just about keeping me sane. Coming off them caused a huge emotional crash and it took a long time for me to get stable again.
Make sure you go back to the GPs and discuss this properly before you do anything. Staying on ADs a few more days, until you've seen the GP, isn't long is it?
What ADs are you taking?

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## Suzi

The others are right, don't just stop taking them please. I've seen what that did to my husband and it wasn't nice. Please do go and talk things through with your GP.

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## SA89

Cheers, I'm taking Fluoxetine 20mg (about 6 months). I've been on Citalopram & Mirtazapine as well so I've been on a gd few, even uppin the dose to an extra 10mg. I feel the same on all of them (really drowsy with a mental block) despite feelin less insane as rose said. 

So I'm at a crossroads; continue to be sleepy & motionless but less anxious or stop & be extremely anxious but with a head clear of chemicals and maybe more energy  :(think):

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## Paula

There are many different options with different effects. Mirtazapine, for example, is a well known sedative. Others aren't. Please, please, please talk to your doctor

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## rose

I agree with Paula. Don't just stop. As you say, it could make you extremely anxious. Talk to your doctor and discuss all your concerns.

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## HabitualHermit

stopping abruptly is NEVER a good idea. Side effects of coming off them can be very extreme. The experience you are havin will be very much related to that. breathe deep and ...  listen to the above. You may want to come off them and it may be possible but NOT LIKE THAT. big hugs and hold on to a flame of hope..  life can change for the better xx

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## Suzi

I've seen what just stopping can do to someone... and then I had to just stop some other medication for an operation and by goodness it was more than horrible. Really don't do this by just stopping. You've mentioned 3 types of AD - there are so many more and other types of medication which may help... It might mean that you need a change in dose, rather than a change in medication...

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## SA89

My docs given me Sertraline 50mg (thts the only strength) & said to take thm after 2 days. I've lost 2 kilo's apparently but he ruled out a blood test unless I lost more. He put my sleepiness down to depression. I came downstairs today & my mums friend was shocked how rough I look. 

I've not had a bath in 2 weeks, my hairs sticking out both sides & I hv a full grown beard  :(blush): . Its not like I have anywhere to go or people to see though so I don't see the point. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm a mess  :S: ..

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## magie06

Please see your gp. Bring these notes with you when you go. Then you can't forget anything. Best of luck.

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## Paula

You need to look after yourself.  The meds can only do so much, they give you the stability to work from, but you have to do the rest. There's no point a diabetic taking insulin but then scoffing down a bagful of sweets.  So, please, have a shower, shave, eat properly and hydrate.

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Aspasia (22-11-14)

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## rose

A shower will make you feel better. I know it seems like a huge task but you only have to stand under the water a couple of minutes if that's all you can stand.
The normal starting dose for sertraline is 50. When you take citalopram, you usually take up to 40mg a day, with sertraline I think its up to 200mg a day.
So, 50mg is a normal starting dose, try not to worry that it sounds like a lot more.
Are you doing an immediate swap?

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## SA89

ye I'm swappin for the fluxetine, I can't take anythin for 2 days though to get it out my system. I only really wash every friday before work because I've no social life so wts the point lol  :(blush): . I've said this before but I want to reiterate how much I appreciate every1s support on here. U guys have no motive to help me or others on this site yet u go out of ur way to offer advice  :(nod): .

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## rose

Oh I thought you were on citalopram at the moment.... fluoxetine takes ages to get out of your system properly. Having a shower will make you feel better, honestly.

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## Suzi

I hope you've managed a shower and a change of clothes. It will help. 
You can only do this if you want to... You have to help yourself.

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## S deleted

I find the one thing that makes me feel good is a nice relaxing soak in the bath. Feeling fresh and clean is uplifting and makes me feel more confident. I know how easy it is to let personal hygiene slip when your feeling down but a shower a shave and some clean clothes and you'll feel like a new man.

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## SA89

> Oh I thought you were on citalopram at the moment.... fluoxetine takes ages to get out of your system properly. Having a shower will make you feel better, honestly.


When should I start takin the Citraline?, i'm worried 2 days won't be enough to get fluxetine out my system. I don't want the fluxetine to conflict with my new meds  :S:

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## john d

Hello.regarding you med change over,I would follow what you're gp says.fluoxetine does take awhile to get out of your system but the one you are replacing it with will take sometime to get in your system.like I say any doubt then get in touch with your gp.
Btw I hope the meds start to help you soon.took me awhile but I got there.take care

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## rose

Do what the GP says, they won't conflict, they're in the same class of AD.
My advice is always, when starting a new medication, to keep a daily record of how you feel. As the title of your thread suggests you have both anxiety and depression, keep a separate score for each. It will give you a benchmark to start from.
Whenever you need support, we are here.  :(bear):

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## Paula

Just do what the gp says, they know what they're doing with these meds, because they're among the more well known of ADs

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## Suzi

The others are right. They will have their reasons for doing it this way..

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## Aspasia

Since it was Friday did you have your shower yesterday?

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## SA89

lol ye I had my long awaited bath  :(blush): . I'll be honest right now though, I don't think i'll be here in 5 years. No matter how confident I come across in social situations nothin is changin in regards to my loneliness. 
Its harder for guys tht are as short as me (5'3) to find some1. People say I'm cute but I'll 4ever be ovelooked for some1 taller, no matter how nice of a person I am. I'll be 30 in 5 years & I don't wanna pro-long this misery any longer  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

I really think that you are being a bit judgemental there... There is nothing to say that you won't find someone who loves you for who you are. There's nothing wrong with being 5'3... My mil is 5'1/4 and that's in her shoes lol.. 
I really think you need to go and talk to your Dr about all of this.

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## Paula

When I could wear heels, I was taller than my hubby in them.  It never mattered to me that he's short - it was him that I fell in love with. And, hunni, you're only 25 ......

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## SA89

I've spoken to my doc Suz only the other day lol. He's gonna refer me to yet another counselor after christmas. I've had a lot more energy about me 2day coincidentally as I've put the meds on standby. As soon as I start this Citraline (tomorrow) i'll drop again I just know it because thts wt drugs do to ur body. Energy is everythin when dealin with depression. And Paula u need lend me those heels  :(blush):

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## S deleted

if a girl is gonna judge you for being short before even trying to get to know you she really ain't worth knowing, but one thing I will say is we all need to learn to love ourselves first and foremost. Take care of you're appearance, and do things that make you feel good. i know its hard when you're feeling low but the satisfaction of getting up and doing something when you really feel like you can't face it, is one of the best feelings in the world. I bet you felt so much better once you had ya bath didn't you?

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## Suzi

Hunni you need to try to find positives. Changing your viewpoint can really help...

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## rose

I can tell you its in your head that you have more energy because you stopped Fluoxetine for a couple of days, the level in your bloodstream will hardly have dropped at all from the missing doses.
Keep an open mind about the Sertraline  :):

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## SA89

> I can tell you its in your head that you have more energy because you stopped Fluoxetine for a couple of days, the level in your bloodstream will hardly have dropped at all from the missing doses.
> Keep an open mind about the Sertraline


ye I think u may be right because today I felt really low again at work. I did my job still & a girl asked for a hug to which I just froze  :(blush): . I'm extremely uncomfortable touchin people especially pretty girls. When I got home I just burst into tears. 
I really beat myself up over thm kind of situations  because I feel like I'll be socially anxious for the rest of my life. Stella's right I need to improve other aspects of my life like my career prospects. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so ashamed when confroonted by a simple hug  :(bear): .

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## rose

A pretty girl asked you for a hug? That sounds so sweet! Perhaps this shows you are more attractive than you think you are?
When do you start Sertraline?

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## SA89

I've been on Setraline for a week now, I think thyre makin me more fatigued but hard to tell with depression. That girl is a virgin & 1 of my assistant managers, I really like her but my nerves r shredded each time she speaks to me. And then I feel extremely depressed afterwards because I'm so desperate to have some1 in my life. Why is it so bloody hard to read women?. I'd rather them tell me straight up if thy like me instead of all this prick teasin. I know its a selfish desire but it really has a significant effect on a mans well-being  :(doh): ..

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## Paula

I'm sorry, but I find some of those comments distasteful.  Whether she's a virgin or not is none of your business, and commenting on that, whether it's true or not, is not appropriate. Then saying that girls are prick teasing is why so many young girls find it hard to talk to men. They think they're being judged whether they're experienced or not. And subject to locker room conversations.

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## S deleted

Well I for one am A very straight talking woman and I'm not very popular as a result. You'll be amazed how many people are put of by that so I suppose if I was really interested in a fella I might try not to be to straight down the line so as not to offend. True what they say about men are from, women from Venus lol

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## rose

Who says anyone is teasing? The thing is very few people say 'I like you' because they don't want to get shot down, its not because they are teasing anyone. You need to be able to read the signs.
I actually just Googled 'how to know if a girl likes you' and the suggestions aren't ridiculous.

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## SA89

> I'm sorry, but I find some of those comments distasteful.  Whether she's a virgin or not is none of your business, and commenting on that, whether it's true or not, is not appropriate. Then saying that girls are prick teasing is why so many young girls find it hard to talk to men. They think they're being judged whether they're experienced or not. And subject to locker room conversations.


sorry I didn't mean any disrespect, i'm pretty much a virgin myself. Its just that everywhere I turn I see girls with assholes & it really frustrates me. It eats me up everyday knowin there's potential for a 1st ever romance but lackin the balls to takin the initiative. I just want a chance to build a family of my own with some1 I care about. Every1 deserves tht chance, life is meaningless otherwise ..

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## rose

Don't assume that all guys are bad and all girls are teasing, otherwise its going to put a lot of barriers up.

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Paula (29-11-14)

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## Suzi

> I've been on Setraline for a week now, I think thyre makin me more fatigued but hard to tell with depression. That girl is a virgin & 1 of my assistant managers, I really like her but my nerves r shredded each time she speaks to me. And then I feel extremely depressed afterwards because I'm so desperate to have some1 in my life. Why is it so bloody hard to read women?. I'd rather them tell me straight up if thy like me instead of all this prick teasin. I know its a selfish desire but it really has a significant effect on a mans well-being ..


That post is full of things that I find completely offensive. I also know that I wouldn't be the only one to feel that way too. "Prick tease" actually makes my skin crawl and my stomach flip over with disgust. As someone who has heard that before some horrific things I can't tell you how much I hate it and how many triggers it causes for me. If you speak like that around anyone then tbh I'm not surprised you don't have a girlfriend. Women are PEOPLE and not objects.. 



> sorry I didn't mean any disrespect, i'm pretty much a virgin myself. Its just that everywhere I turn I see girls with assholes & it really frustrates me. It eats me up everyday knowin there's potential for a 1st ever romance but lackin the balls to takin the initiative. I just want a chance to build a family of my own with some1 I care about. Every1 deserves tht chance, life is meaningless otherwise ..


I don't think that the amount of sexual experiences you have make you any better or worse than anyone else. Maybe you need to chill out and relax and see women as people and it might help...

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## SA89

I'm nothin like that even though that comment paints out I am. I'm anythin but that actually, people tht know me say I'm a really nice person because I'm always respectful, polite & trustworthy. At my workplace there's guys who speak to attractive girls like 'I bet ur a gd s u c ker' etc yet thy r all over thm constantly flirting. I've been respectful all my life & never had a gf. If people said I was ugly i'd understand but thy say i'm attractive. This is y I'm so depressed because the assholes always win just because thy hv better social skills  :(envy): ..

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## Paula

Then you must be in a pretty dreadful workplace if that's the case.  I know that none of my friends, through all of my 40 years, have ever been 'all over' men like that. And my mum worked in a garage for 18 years so, having grown up surrounded by mechanics, believe me I've heard it all.

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## Angie

I don't know one of my female friends who would respond to people in a nice way if being spoken to like that, infact the fella would more than likely get a slap and one big verbal dressing down. 

I'm not repsonding to your other posts have read them and they set a massive trigger off in me so am going to step back a bit or now

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## Jarre

A Hug is not prick teasing and I am surprised you froze, maybe something from the past is putting that wall up as unless you suffered something bad from being hugged I would have thought you would have enjoyed / apreciated it.  I am surprised you knew she was a V its not something people openly talk about unless they know you quite well and trust you with those facts.  There will always be things that you don't understand a person does which is why we are all unique the statement don't understand women is a bit old as they can say the same about us men.  You need to ask yourself what do you really want? If its something to just get your wick dipped then you really need to evaluate things. You shouldn't "expect" it and you shouldn't show symptoms of being desperate for it as if a lass sees your only looking for one thing it can be a turn off.  Theres no rulebook, you can only do by trial and error, take the rejectiona nd elarn from it and take the positive comments and expand on them. But if you are just going to shy away when someone is "offering" a small amount of affection then you have to ask yourself why as that is the first demon you will need to get over if you are ever going to go out on a date.

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Aspasia (30-11-14),Paula (30-11-14),Suzi (30-11-14)

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## Aspasia

I agree with the others: the fact you froze is very interesting. You seem to have a very mixed reaction to the whole issue of physical affection - you crave it yet are afraid of it at the same time. I wonder if there's something in your past that has caused these two very opposite feelings in you.

I don't want to comment the issue of some of the language you used above too much - others have warned you already that it could well cause triggers - but I will say one thing: be aware that you aren't the only one confused about how other people feel. Every single one of us who's genuinely looking for someone goes through the same confusion and nerves and wonderment about what the other person thinks and feels. Heck, even those of us in long-term relationships go through it at times too!

This causes so many issues; nobody really knows how to behave and what to do. This may well be the cause of any hot/cold behaviour you have perceived as teasing from girls. They're probably just as nervous and unsure as you.

Yes, there are people who seem to have it all figured out. They also almost certainly aren't in healthy, long term stable relationships. The kind of guys who can pick up a girl in a bar whenever they like, just because they are confident or have dominant personalities  - well, they shouldn't be your role models, unless the kind of relationships you're looking for are those that last no more than a weekend at most - and I don't think that's what you really want.

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rose (30-11-14),Suzi (30-11-14)

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## SA89

I don't wanna live anymore, theres no point watsoever to my existence. I'm just 'here' to work, come home, work, come home. What life is that... I ain't livin on this earth until I'm 70 or watever & seein people happy in marriage with a family while I'm extremely lonely & slavin away at some  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: hole. Why should I care anymore when I've been a decent person all my life & its got me  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in nowhere. My brother is the most vile person u could meet yet girls love him. I'm done  :(think): ..

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## Samantha340

SA89, you need to fight those dark moments. Is there anything in life which ever made you happy? Anything you Dream of? Work, home, work, is the normal everyday life. You need to find something in between to look forward to, something you enjoy!

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## Samantha340

Edit: Can you call anyone to talk?

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## Paula

You're not done, otherwise you wouldn't have told us.  

Your life is what you make it, not relying on other people to make you happy.  Almost 2 years ago I had a life changing accident and I struggled with adjusting to a very restricted lifestyle. But I found it was possible, I accepted help from professionals, thought out of the box and now I'm studying a theology course. But I had to do it - I had to contact the organisations who could help, I had to focus on using my brain, I had to accept my life had changed but that I could still have a good life.

Home, work, home could be 'home, work, exercise, home', or 'home, work, college, home', or 'Home, work, social, home'

I hope I've made sense and I hope you don't think I'm saying 'look at me and how well I've done' because, quite frankly it has been crap, and a struggle. But changing your life for the better, without relying on someone else to make you happy, is possible

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Angie (30-11-14),Suzi (30-11-14)

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## rose

Don't worry about what your brother is doing. I am sure that they girls don't love him for very long once they work out what he's really like.
I like Paula's idea of slipping in other things into your life, be it college, or a drink after work with colleagues, or a run in the park, or seeing a band you like. It doesn't have to be every day and it doesn't have to be something big, just little changes that make your life more interesting.
If you hate your job, why not look for another one? You don't have to suffer where you are!
I think you have reached out to us because you want to live. 
Please call the Samaritans or go to A&E if you cannot shake the dark thoughts.

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Suzi (30-11-14)

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## Angie

Don't compare yourself to your brother you are both different people. Try and do some different things after work and at weekends as has been suggested

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## Jarre

What life is that? It seems a common life for anybody who works, we all work our arses off to get that measly pay check at the end of the month to survive, every working person you will speak to is in that reality so your not on your own.  Outside of work is up to you to fill that little time you have between work and sleep even if its a 30 minute phonecall to a mate,  a quick drink in the pub after work or a visit to the cinema or sit at home on a computer game / facebook or watching tv, You're the only person that can break the day to day manotomy of the life we all have. My brother is married, has 2 kids and a combinedc income of 3 times what I earn.  Yet, I have friends I go and see, he doesn't he threw them away when he got married, he doesn;t talk much, its like gettign blood out of a stone sometimes and I wouldn't want his life where he only has his family and no true friends, he may be richer and have a family, but I am probably in a better place than him, in other words he may seem to have everything and on teh outside it looks sparkly, but go inside and its a different picture.

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Aspasia (01-12-14),Paula (30-11-14),Suzi (30-11-14)

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## Suzi

You've had some wonderful bits of advice from the others. I think that they are right - it IS up to you as to how you do things. You have time to do other things. Remind me how old you are? Are you living with others?

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## SA89

Thx guys, I'm 25 & live with my mum & brother but I'm always upstairs in bed except for work commitments. Thats been my routine all my life. People tell me to push myself but its f u c k i n hard without a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. I can't stomach seein others in relationships knowin I'm this lonely. I hate it when people say 'so hv u gt a gf yet?'.  I'm 25 btw, I'm still depressed & tired even on this Citraline. Time isn't a gd thing wen ur this lonely, I'd much settle for bein hit by a bus tommorow. Quick & fast without the s h i t in between  :(think): ..

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## Angie

It is hard to push yourself, there are alot of us here that understand that. Have you thought about joining a gym or finding a hobby that will give you contact with other people ?

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## Suzi

Thing is, if you are only staying in bed and only getting out to go to work then how are you hoping to meet anyone? Maybe you should go back to your Dr and tell them how things are for you.

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## SA89

> Thing is, if you are only staying in bed and only getting out to go to work then how are you hoping to meet anyone? Maybe you should go back to your Dr and tell them how things are for you.


I'm gonna persist with this Citraline a bit more while yet to judge the effects 'caus I don't think 2 wks is enough. I signed up for universal credit recently so I kinda have no choice now but to be more proactive. I have to like look for work 12 hrs a wk, research possible career paths etc.

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## rose

You are right, 2 weeks is not long enough, and you are probably not on the optimum dose either. When is your next GP appointment?

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## SA89

I ain't livin anymore like I said, nothin can help me watsoever. My head is too messed up to take any sort of action, I'm a lost cause. I'm on 50mg, my doctor said see him after christmas to see wr I am 1ce again with these tablets. F u c k that, I ain't fillin my body anymore with drugs that make u physically worse, I'm close to findin closure anyway.

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## rose

50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline. I think you need to make an appointment with the doctor asap. Don't wait until after Christmas.

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## Suzi

You need to get in contact with some emergency help if you are feeling that bad..

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## SA89

> 50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline. I think you need to make an appointment with the doctor asap. Don't wait until after Christmas.


And what say?. He'll just say give them more time which I already know 'caus 2 wks is nothin. I've seen the doctor enough times, its serious confidence issues I struggle with & only I can do anythin about that by workin on my insecurities. If there was a magic pill for loneliness there'd be a way out but there isn't so I've no choice but to resolve this suffering myself  :=: .

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## Samantha340

Have you thought about changing the GP? Thats something I need to do because mine one is useless. You are right, at then end no one but yourself can help you. Mpst of the post about wanting to commit suicide are written by people feeling lonely. There is no cure for this. Just the presence of another person will not take this feeling away, might be temporary, but in my experience it will come back unless you are happy with yourself.

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magie06 (06-12-14)

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## SA89

> Have you thought about changing the GP? Thats something I need to do because mine one is useless. You are right, at then end no one but yourself can help you. Mpst of the post about wanting to commit suicide are written by people feeling lonely. There is no cure for this. Just the presence of another person will not take this feeling away, might be temporary, but in my experience it will come back unless you are happy with yourself.


ur right, we need to be content with ourselves 1st. I've had periods (not the v a g i nal kind) where I've felt on top of the world but thn few days later I'm feelin hopeless again. I don't know how to sustain that brief period of confidence. Loneliness is definitely a root cause of depression, I think its because a relationship is a universal need that acts as a barometer of our quality of life. If thts not being met its destructive to our wellbeing  :S: .

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## Samantha340

> I think its because a relationship is a universal need that acts as a barometer of our quality of life.


Completely disagree, a relationship does not say anything about quality life!!!! Ever been in a room with your friends and felt lonely?  
Maybe, once you are at the top, take the time to write down and how you feel and why. Once you are hopeless, get those notes out to remind yourself what you are capable of.

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## Suzi

I completely agree with Samantha! A relationship doesn't make a human being "more" or that your life will be better....

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## SA89

I couldn't imagine bein happy though without ever findin love, at least just to experience it. Simply bein around the opposite sex triggers my depression because thy reflect how empty my life is & my never endin struggle to form bonds with people. I just rang in sick at work because I woke up late, its a relief though because just seein the manager who I have feelings for is enough to send me into despair

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## Samantha340

Finding love is what everyone is after. Some people never experience it. 
If you have problems being around the opposite sex, maybe CBT can help there?

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## SA89

ye maybe Samantha, I get easily tired as well tryin to fit in all the time so I kinda give up. I've missed work & now my voluntary today because I just want to sleep all the time. These meds sedate my mind to the point were I cba movin from my bed. Mum's naggin sayin I'm a lazy so & so, she understands I'm depressed though  :(blush): ..

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## Angie

Some meds can make you lethargic hun, I know mine can with me, as hard as it is you have to try and push past that and get moving etc the more you do the easier it becomes.

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## Suzi

If your meds are affecting you that badly then go and talk to your Dr again..

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## rose

Definitely talk to your doctor. I don't think Sertraline is actually meant to make you feel lethargic, it could be the depression making you feel that way?
This is why you should definitely see the GP before Christmas.

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## SA89

> Some meds can make you lethargic hun, I know mine can with me, as hard as it is you have to try and push past that and get moving etc the more you do the easier it becomes.


my mum keeps tellin me tht I need to push myself as well. I've always been lazy thts y I'm always tired + depression mkes u fatigued as people say. The meds add another layer of tiredness 'caus thts typically 1 of their symptoms so I don't think seein the doc again isn't gonna mke a difference. Like u said Angie u need to get ur body in action to build energy. Inactivity makes u lazy & set in ur ways i've found  :(blush): ..

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## SA89

Best therapy for me right now would be from a prostitute. Sorry to be blunt but I'm human, I'm frustrated & its affectin my wellbeing. I ain't gonna hv a relationship anytime soon, a weekly appointment will ease a bit of tht loneliness in the meantime  :(blush):

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## Suzi

I don't see how it would ease loneliness. You aren't paying for affection, just a base action...

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## Samantha340

Suzi is right, you have fun for 1h and then? Feeling worse then before.

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## SA89

I need to confess somethin & u may judge me.. I've already slept with 2 prostitutes earlier this year. I couldn't take bein a virgin anymore especially seein so much porn  :(blush): . After a night out u get a real strong urge for sex, it wasn't great though like u said. It feels better just doin it urself to be bluntly honest. Brothels r just really temptin when ur lonely like I am. I want a relationship so much & thts the closest I can get  :S: ..

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## S deleted

You want a relationship or do you just want regular sex? If you wanna pay someone to sleep with you that's up to you dude but a relationship is so much more than just sex.

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## Paula

Prostitutes don't ease loneliness, probably enhances it.  I'm not sure whether you're really after a girlfriend or a one night stand tbh.  I'm not judging you, just hoping you will see that you're not achieving anything this way, and may be doing yourself more harm

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## Suzi

I'm not judging you at all, but I think that you need to do something more proactive to sort you out..

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## SA89

I just want anythin r8 now.. I don't hv any energy at all to have a deep conversation, I just small talk my way through work. I'm so drained all the time evn be4 these tablets  :(snooze): .. 

Its easy for people with social lives 'caus thy bounce off each others energy. I'm always nice, respectful, friendly & yet here I am feelin worthless. How can people expect me to live this life feelin as bad as this EVERY WAKIN DAY. This ain't a life, its barely an existence  :=(: ..

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## SA89

My brother is a scumbag yet he's got girls that r mad for him sayin how beautiful he is. He's a vile chav, crude, smokes weed, talks to people like trash in his 'grimey' slang yet hes somehow desirable.This world is  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in backwards, it really depresses me & I hav to live with this prick & see him gettin wt he wants everyday. Life isn't fair man  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

No life isn't fair. Thing is if you are still going to be up at 446am then you aren't helping yourself when it comes to sorting your sleep pattern out which in turn won't help you to stop being so tired all the time so maybe then you'll have the energy to go out and meet people.
WRT wanting "anything r8 now" then without wishing to be crude, if it's just the mechanical action of sex which you require then go and buy a blow up doll. They are cheaper than a prostitute...  I hope you've had sexual health screening after your visits too..

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Angie (14-12-14),Paula (14-12-14),S deleted (15-12-14)

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## SA89

> No life isn't fair. Thing is if you are still going to be up at 446am then you aren't helping yourself when it comes to sorting your sleep pattern out which in turn won't help you to stop being so tired all the time so maybe then you'll have the energy to go out and meet people.
> WRT wanting "anything r8 now" then without wishing to be crude, if it's just the mechanical action of sex which you require then go and buy a blow up doll. They are cheaper than a prostitute...  I hope you've had sexual health screening after your visits too..


ye sleep is def an issue, I just like stayin up late. However when I briefly stopped the ADs I noticed I had more energy in reserve. I want a relationship not just for sex but the companion side as well. 

I wore protection for those visits, its mandatory in brothels. I went to my doc str8 after to mke sure & he said I'm gd if I put a bag on it which I did & I didn't hv any symptoms like crabs or anythin perculiar  :(blush): .

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## Paula

You seem to be focussed on the sex side of a relationship.  Women could be picking up on that, and backing off.  For many women, they want to know if this man is someone who they could potentially have a long term relationship with. If you want someone to be a friend as well as a partner, you may need to take a look at how you approach, and talk to, women

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## Suzi

SA - I'm sorry, but I find your use of language vulgar and offensive.. "put a bag on it" is probably one of the most hideous ways I've ever heard used for putting a condom on and I've heard some terms when I was teaching sex ed to a group of streetwise inner city teenagers in London!
If you are giving off these vibes to me over the internet, then I can't imagine that you are going to be coming across any less crass, crude and vulgar to any women who you might meet tbh....

----------

Paula (15-12-14)

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## SA89

Its just a term for protectin urself, keepin urself safe that's all, my doc told me to 'put a bag on it'. I approach women with respect all the time askin how they are and I'm always helpin people out. People that know me r always tellin me that im a gd lad with a lot of respect so its nothing to do with it in terms of that. Its to do with my social skills & introverted ways  :S: .

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## Paula

If you're so respectful in real life, why would you be so crude on here? its not necessary and alienates the majority of (female) members of this forum.

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## rose

Hi SA, I would suggest you go to a local sexual health clinic and get checked anyway.

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## Suzi

I've worked in sexual health clinics and I've never ever heard a Doctor refer to it anything like that, so your's must be special to use such disgusting terminology. 
Honestly the way you talk about women and sex I find offensive. I'm no prude and I've seen and done things that would make your hair curl, but lovely the way that you are coming across here really is completely the opposite to the way that you are saying you really are. Which one is the real you?

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## SA89

The way i've come across here?. I've talked openly about my issues because theres a lot of people out there who can relate, especially at christmas which is the loneliest time of the year for many. I'm just explainin how bein sexually frustrated can affect some1s well-being, everywere u go u see people in love. Do u hv any idea hw tht feels to some1 who's never experienced any form of relationship?. Sorry to who i've caused offence to but ur makin it out tht I'm a sleaze which I'm anythin but, yet ur makin it out like that 'caus u've been offended. I apologize anyway for thinkin tht it was a creative way to phrase protection considerin its predominantly women that use this forum.

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## Suzi

Do read back over your last posts and see if you can step back from what you've written and then maybe you'll see a bit more about what we are seeing?

At the end of the day the act of sexual intercourse is very different from being in a relationship...

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## SA89

ye sorry guys, I'm far past the point of carin wt others think of me now because all my life people hv took my kindness for weakness. Because i've no confidence, because iv no friends, because im a loser in this life who will never amount to anythin. My weekend job is the only thing thts keepin me briefly sane away from despairin thoughts. I'm so alone in this world, my quality of life is awful, just awful  :=(: .

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## S deleted

You sound all mixed up and if you are like that on here I'm pretty confident that you are just the same away from the screen. You really cannot understand that sex is not love, sex is not the foundation of a relationship. Sex is simply a physical act to reproduce. The reason you can't find a the right girl has nothing to do with your confidence, it's your attitude. 

You wanna see women as sex objects then stick to paying for it, and if you can't afford it as often as you'd like, go to bed with a box of kleenex and a playboy mag.

----------

Paula (18-12-14),Suzi (18-12-14)

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## Suzi

You aren't a loser, you just need to thin a bit more about how you are speaking to and about people...

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## Paula

Completely agree with Stella

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## SA89

Stella I take in mind wt ur sayin bt ur paintin me as some sex depraved creature which I'm not. Ye I think about sex all the time but thts normal wen ur lonely & not gettin regular attention. The reason y I feel strong hated for my brother is 'caus of his vulgarity. This is how he literally speaks to women on the phone in all its uncensored glory (profanity warnin).. "Come out & i'll **** ya", Comment removed by Suzi ".

I have to listen to this every wakin day, how do u think tht mkes me feel?. Yet girls keep ringin him regardless. It mkes me extremely angry so don't say I'm like tht based off a few loose words in text format  :(think): .


Admin note:
Please be mindful about what you are posting. That comment was offensive. The word I've *'d out also was not allowed - just putting a space between each letter does not mean I'm going to allow you to continue to post like that. Please stop. Suzi

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## Suzi

Please see my admin notes on your post. 

Thing is, I've been single for a long time, and during my relationship with Marc there have been times when sexual intercourse wasn't possible - but I've never thought about writing on the internet about the opposite sex in the way that you have. 
You see, when you see me post - what you read is what I am really thinking and those who have met me after getting to know me online have said that I really am how I post online. For me, I am me. I have the same beliefs sitting on my sofa talking to my husband/children/friends as I do sitting on my sofa talking to you all here. Therefore I find it really hard to believe that you are completely different online to how you are offline.... Do you see what I mean?

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## SA89

> Please see my admin notes on your post. 
> 
> Thing is, I've been single for a long time, and during my relationship with Marc there have been times when sexual intercourse wasn't possible - but I've never thought about writing on the internet about the opposite sex in the way that you have. 
> You see, when you see me post - what you read is what I am really thinking and those who have met me after getting to know me online have said that I really am how I post online. For me, I am me. I have the same beliefs sitting on my sofa talking to my husband/children/friends as I do sitting on my sofa talking to you all here. Therefore I find it really hard to believe that you are completely different online to how you are offline.... Do you see what I mean?


I was clearly quotin my brother there not myself. Thats EXACTLY wt he wr sayin on the phone as I wr typin. I'm just usin an example of how I detest people like that. The reason I hate him so much is because hes vulgar, we're polar opposites, any1 who knows my mum will tell u how shocked thy r how different me & him r. 

Ye I speak my mind in real life but I'm always respectful. I'm speakin about girls to emphasise loneliness thats all. Every post has been me ye oc, ur basin me on a dodgy turn of phrase or examples ive given. People can relate to a real lonely desire thts all I was sayin (hard to convey in text appropriately). A lot of stuff has been misconstrued as is the case on the net  :X: .

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## Paula

I'm not sure that's really the case. The post Suzi edited wasn't the first time you'd been crude on this thread, and I suspect you weren't quotng your brother the whole time.  And you weren't speaking about girls, you were being offensive about girls - there is a difference.  It is a common thread in your posts and not acceptable.

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Suzi (19-12-14)

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## Suzi

I've started to reread this thread from the beginning to make sure that I wasn't over reacting and I haven't even got to p5 without you swearing by putting spaces in or referring to women in a negative way... I've even quoted the first couple of incidents I've seen.. 




> Life is just f u c k ed up, everytime I open the paper someones died of cancer.When ur depressed its the last thing u want to read every waking day. Its no wonder we're all stressed. Look how hard it is to find a job f f s? Or to build a social life from scratch when every1s on social media. Prospects r a gold mine in this day & age..





> aww thats considerate . I'm seriously p i s sed off right now because to be blunt 'some b i tch is messin' me about'. I'm not seein her but we txt & she has just stood me up. People don't realise how simple ignorance can tip some1 over the edge. Especially when ur vulnerable & have never had a gf. I've compromised so much with this person (gave her taxi money, bought her drinks, put up with her pessimistic attitude & evn got ready for her tonight). She wr supposed be here 4 hours ago & has completely ignored my txts. It wouldn't hurt so much is I didnt depend on this person to alleviate this rotten loneliness I feel inside ..

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## SA89

> I'm not sure that's really the case. The post Suzi edited wasn't the first time you'd been crude on this thread, and I suspect you weren't quotng your brother the whole time. And you weren't speaking about girls, you were being offensive about girls - there is a difference.  It is a common thread in your posts and not acceptable.


I was open about payin to lose my virginity & thn explained why, how else do u expect me to explain that subject so delicately?. I evn said prior that u may judge me 'caus i'm aware tht women use this site. I'm sorry for the use of terminology in regards to that 'visit' but how else do u want me to successfully admit somethin so embarrassin?'. 

Discussin such a visit is obviously gonna be crude. My posts hv been on my depression, loneliness & anxiety, that subject is partially a reflection of my loneliness. I'm desperate for a relationship & tht masked tht desire at the time. The odd terminology on tht subject I used was inappropriate ye & I've apologisied. To say its 'common' in my posts is wrong, the last few posts in regards to tht visit I agree my language was inappropriate

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## Samantha340

You said in your first post you would like to maybe study English literature. Therefore I assume you are able to express yourself in a better manner. Ok, you have apologised let's move on.  Maybe let's all start again in a new Thread.

I admit can not remember if it was mentioned before, regarding feeling lonely, have you thought about going to a meet up group?

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## SA89

> You said in your first post you would like to maybe study English literature. Therefore I assume you are able to express yourself in a better manner. Ok, you have apologised let's move on.  Maybe let's all start again in a new Thread.
> 
> I admit can not remember if it was mentioned before, regarding feeling lonely, have you thought about going to a meet up group?


I've been to a few support groups were I volunteer, there wr people there who had real raw major depression, their stories wr really shockin. Thy wr all a lot older thn me in the depression group which felt a bit strange openin up to them, anxiety group there wr a few my age. The guy who runs it even pulled out a joke book & played walkin on sunshine to get every1 smilin lol  :): .




> I've started to reread this thread from the beginning to make sure that I wasn't over reacting and I haven't even got to p5 without you swearing by putting spaces in or referring to women in a negative way... I've even quoted the first couple of incidents I've seen..


That was wrong of me callin tht girl a 'b', I was angry at the time because she used me for taxi's, vodka & haven't seen her since. I needed to vent bt tht doesn't excuse me callin her a 'b'. I swear a lot yes, its just how I express frustration like many. I maybe hv spoken about women negatively at points but not the entire thread. I'm aware tht my struggles r to do with my cripplin low self esteem & insecurities. I hope we can draw a line here 'caus I do appreciate the support.

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## Suzi

Have you thought of a plan for after the festive period?

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## SA89

I'm lookin to get in2 a course but not sure wt yet. My aim nxt year is get out & put myself out there more because right now I'm a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in hobbit. I'm dreadin these nxt few days puttin on a front in front of the family & thn news year eve out in town  :S: . It seems no matter wt I do even if its constructive I can't seem to shake this loneliness & thats whats constantly draggin me down.. I'm talkin more with a new girl at work but thn I think god she's so nice I wish she was my gf!. Thats how my mind works, even gettin my haircut makes me depressed because I've no1 to show it off too  :(blush): .

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## Suzi

If you don't want to go out on New Years Eve then don't go lovely...

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## SA89

How did u guys beat depression exactly?. I'm sure uve dealt with bigger issues than I hav with my loneliness. How do u get to a place of joy & content. Oh & why hv the last few posts disappeared lol.

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## S deleted

When I beat it I'll let ya know the secret. I think Lifestyle changes are most important but you have to be well enough and ready to do it. I removed a lot of negative people from my life and that gave me a huge boost, you don't realise sometimes just how your 'friends' are holding you back and how you are allowing them to do it

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## SA89

> When I beat it I'll let ya know the secret. I think Lifestyle changes are most important but you have to be well enough and ready to do it. I removed a lot of negative people from my life and that gave me a huge boost, you don't realise sometimes just how your 'friends' are holding you back and how you are allowing them to do it


G
ye lifestyle changes are integral to balancin out depression but like u say we have to be mentally ready. With depression however we're never ready, so we're confined to relentless misery. Breakin free from an associated circle of people is definitely a big lifestyle change because ur free of any emotions u had around them.

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## rose

Have you been to your GP to ask about counselling? You may be able to sit and talk this through with a counsellor and think of some practical ways to overcome your difficulties.

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## SA89

> Have you been to your GP to ask about counselling? You may be able to sit and talk this through with a counsellor and think of some practical ways to overcome your difficulties.


ye gotta wait until jan to refer myself, its an uphill battle with just meds alone. It really does feel like my height is a reason I feel the way I do, undermined because I don't match the expected physical stature of a man  :(blush): . Unfortunately a therapist can't help with that..

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## Suzi

From what I've seen over the years it's about getting up, dressed and doing the basics and then moving on to adding something else in.. Eating healthily, drinking enough water, etc..

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## SA89

> From what I've seen over the years it's about getting up, dressed and doing the basics and then moving on to adding something else in.. Eating healthily, drinking enough water, etc..


Its so simple yet so mny seem to struggle with that. Quality sleep is a foundation for gettin better i've found, without adequate sleep u really r fightin against a tidal wave. I think if people wr assured of a reason to live they would hv incentive thn to do those basics.

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## S deleted

It's these basic things which are and foundation for everything else, and when we are feeling low they are the first things to slip and then the rest of ya world not surprising seems to fall apart. Without strong foundations how can you build?

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## SA89

Today was really upsettin for me at work seein every1 in a joyful christmas spirit. I was holdin back tears as I was sweepin on the dining area thn cried in the toilet  :=(: . I feel so detached from the world, like I'm the loneliest man alive.. Depression is really exposed during christmas, its an emotional time for every1. It makes u reflect how miserable ur life is..

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## S deleted

I hear ya dude. New Year is the real killer for me. Can't remember a New Years eve that hasn't ended with me in floods of tears

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## rose

The best new years I had was the one I spent by myself watching comedy on tv and having a few drinks. It seemed like I was the only person not hungover on New Years Day.

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## Suzi

One of the best Christmas's I've had was as a student and a few of us volunteered at a soup kitchen and then over new year we got together and made pasta and pizza and had a DVD night!

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## SA89

> The best new years I had was the one I spent by myself watching comedy on tv and having a few drinks. It seemed like I was the only person not hungover on New Years Day.


I'm worried about alcohol tbh these nxt few days as I've nt drunk hardly all year & I don't know if its safe with 50mg Setraline  :(: 




> I hear ya dude. New Year is the real killer for me. Can't remember a New Years eve that hasn't ended with me in floods of tears


I don't feel right at all around complete strangers partyin, even if im with just 1 person. It really mkes u feel like an outsider. I've been in tht situation so mny times burstin in2 tears durin a party atmosphere. Consumin alcohol when ur alone in a crowd with depression creates horrendous despair.
,hope u can relate.

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## Paula

Alcohol does affect ADs and is a depressant so, particularly if you rarely drink, moderation is the key. I stopped trying to make New Years parties work about 10 years ago and chill in front of the TV - graham Norton and the London fireworks with a small glass of bubbly is enough for me!

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## Suzi

Alcohol is a depressant. Drinking whilst on any medication is not to be advised. The positive effect of the medication may be altered so I'd always advocate caution..

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## SA89

Worked 5 days this week which was a welcome distraction. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life is wts keepin me depressed, if their was assurance of a soulmate I'd be optimistic about 2015. I've shown a lot of confidence recently at wrk yet I'm still fkn lonely. I'm sick of the cliches that people ignorantly toss out to me like 'u'll find some1' 'u've gotta love urself 1st' or the classic' there's some1 out there for every1'  :(think): .

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## Paula

I'm sorry but I'm giving you another one. You're 25, you have potentially 70 + years ahead of you - having not had a girlfriend is not a problem. You're young and finding a soulmate is somewhere in your future, but you don't have to worry about it yet

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## Suzi

I agree with Paula - you seem to be holding on to this where you really do have a long time to find the right person..

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## SA89

This is how miserable my life is - My new years eve was spent applyin for jobs while every1 was out partyin with their best friends.. I've no friends at all to party with  :(party): .. I've never even been on a date because I'm percieved too short & timid. Wts the point in me even existin till 30 let alone 70.. I have no life outside my room. I'm a social loser, a loner & thats likely to continue in 2015 because I'm simply a reject in life. Oh & Happy New Year

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## Suzi

I wasn't our partying and neither were a lot of people I know. No, your height isn't likely to be the reason you haven't had a date. You aren't a social loser or a reject. 
Have you been referred for counselling?

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## Paula

I was at home in pj's watching Queen and Adam Lambert and soothing a quivering dog who is terrified of fireworks. 

I suspect, hunni, only you perceive yourself as too short and timid - everyone else will just see you.

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## Angie

I was in last night and we didnt have a drink either, just a quiet night in with the kids,

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## rose

I stayed in too, only went out to watch the fireworks over London. Then I was on ebay trying to find mirrors for goodness sakes. You weren't the only one who stayed in!

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## SA89

> I wasn't our partying and neither were a lot of people I know. No, your height isn't likely to be the reason you haven't had a date. You aren't a social loser or a reject. 
> Have you been referred for counselling?


It must be my height because people say I'm gd lookin & respectful. Wt more does a girl want? A knight in shining armour!. I got to know some1 better 2day at work, she was as anxious as I am & it was liberating havin some1 relate for once on an intellectual level  :(nod): . It was a rare sense of joy & thats the key to feelin better I think, to be around people u connect with . Last night was horrible, alone in my cave listenin to my brother with a girl in the other room. With regards to my doc he said to see him after new yr to refer.

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## Samantha340

> It must be my height because people say I'm gd lookin & respectful. Wt more does a girl want? A knight in shining armour!. er.


No, we like someone who cares, can be trusted, is interesting, funny, reliable..just to name a few.





> ... it was liberating havin some1 relate for once on an intellectual level .


I am honest here... if you talk like this to girls.. then sorry, i am not surprised, you don't have a gf. It sounds a bit arrogant.

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Paula (01-01-15)

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## SA89

> No, we like someone who cares, can be trusted, is interesting, funny, reliable..just to name a few.
> 
> I am honest here... if you talk like this to girls.. then sorry, i am not surprised, you don't have a gf. It sounds a bit arrogant.


I knew tht wr gonna sound a bit snobbish but I couldn't interpret it properly. I meant some1 to intellectually engage with about anxiety. I live in quite a rough area up north where people would simply dismiss depression & anxiety as 'man the f up'. People say I'm trustworthy, hv a gd heart, a gd sense of humour. There's so many arrogant un-pleasent people out there in a relationship with a caring, lovin partner, u can't factor arrogance based on that.

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## Samantha340

All I wanted to do is give you some feedback how you might come across. I am not present when you talk to woman, therefore its hard to comment why you might no have a girlfriend.

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## Paula

If you often can't interpret things properly, and end up making comments like that, whether you mean it or not, people are going to be put off.  People can only go by what you say, not what you mean, I'm afraid.  And, anxiety is not intellectual, it's pure fight or flight instinct.  I know you mean that you have something in common with that person that you can talk to about, but that's not how it comes across .....

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## Suzi

As has been said, you do need to think about the way that you come across...

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## rose

Spending so much time around your brother must be really annoying. Are you able to move out into a house-share or on your own?

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## SA89

> Spending so much time around your brother must be really annoying. Are you able to move out into a house-share or on your own?


He's vile, he manipulates my mum to give him £5 a day to buy his weed which he smokes in the house. He thinks hes a 'gangsta' & girls love him for that. I remember on holiday some1 said to him 'ur gorgeous u, ur brothers not eww hv ya seen his nose.. :(blush): '. It really reinforces my lack of self worth seein that dirtbag with a beautiful girl by his side. He doesn't deserve love at all, hes really unpleasant..

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## Samantha340

I still think the choice of your language is not appropriate. I understand you do not get along with your brother and he is not a nice guys in your eyes, I still thinks he deserves love. If those girls want to hang out with him, that's their choice. 
His success does have nothing to do with you. 
Maybe you need to consider moving out and get away from him?

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## SA89

Seriously hes a real piece of work. I can't move out really because I'd be snowed under with rent. I work p/t & get universal credit but I don't think I could survive off that. I'm just gonna have to tolerate inhalin his disgustin weed & his nasty attitude. Its hard to ignore him & focus though wen I can hear him actin like a thug all the time & gettin rewarded for it ..

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## Samantha340

You cant change your brother. Its his lifestyle. Does your mum know about the weed? I guess its her flat/house after all.

It might be good for your own good, trying to move out. How about flatshare?

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## Angie

If you are in receipt of universal credit then you may be able to claim houseing benefit which would help towards the rent and enable you to move out to your own flat or a flat share

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## rose

You know smoking weed, or inhaling the fumes, is not going to help your MH, it will make you feel sad and anxious. Make sure your room is ventilated properly and keep your door shut, even put a towel under the gap, to stop the fumes getting in.
I can tell you really dislike him and it must be horrible for you to live in such close proximity to someone who winds you up so much.
If you can figure out how to move out, then do it.

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## Paula

Have you spoken to your local housing association about getting a flat?. And, yes, you probably would get help with the cost of rent

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## SA89

Just had a few drinks for the 1st time in ages (I took my sertraline at 8pm), I don't feel as bad as I feared. I had a glass of double rum & coke, pint of hobgoblin lager & a smirnoff, even had a dance  :): . It still feels horrible seein others smoochin while I struggle to even break the ice but regardless I was determined to have my dance  :(party): . 




> If you are in receipt of universal credit then you may be able to claim houseing benefit which would help towards the rent and enable you to move out to your own flat or a flat share


I'd rather stay with my mum atm, If I was in a relationship thn I'd move out because I'd feel even more lonely by myself. Plus i'd miss my dogs  :(: .

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## Suzi

> He's vile, he manipulates my mum to give him £5 a day to buy his weed which he smokes in the house. He thinks hes a 'gangsta' & girls love him for that. I remember on holiday some1 said to him 'ur gorgeous u, ur brothers not eww hv ya seen his nose..'. It really reinforces my lack of self worth seein that dirtbag with a beautiful girl by his side. He doesn't deserve love at all, hes really unpleasant..


£5 a day? How much does he smoke? 
I don't think that you should judge whether he is or is not deserving of love - everyone deserves love. 




> Just had a few drinks for the 1st time in ages (I took my sertraline at 8pm), I don't feel as bad as I feared. I had a glass of double rum & coke, pint of hobgoblin lager & a smirnoff, even had a dance . It still feels horrible seein others smoochin while I struggle to even break the ice but regardless I was determined to have my dance .


That's still quite a lot of units if you are on medication. Has it affected your mood at all?

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## SA89

I'm always told that I'm lovely & put others 1st, girls say I'm cute & intelligent yet I've nothin to show for it. I could be hit by a bus tommorow & that'd be that, my life over without ever having a date. Its really upsettin & so demoralisin  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

What things are you doing currently to go out and meet girls?

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## SA89

Nothin.. but I went out last Saturday, clubs r a minefield for rejection. Seein a guy get along with a girl mkes me really depressed let alone seein couples. Theres girls I really like at work but theres always a 3rd party, its so frustratin!. I'm well liked at work but can't even get a date. My previous  counsellors hv said I need to go out with them socially to be in their 'circle' if u will. I only like half of these people though 'caus thy're very vulgar & use it as a form of wit  :^):  & I'm very anti-social as u could guess by now  :(blush): .

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## Paula

Are you anti social because of depression, or because you just don't like being with people?

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## Suzi

What about using something like meetup and finding people with similar interests and go along to something?

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## SA89

ye depression really makes me anti-social. I don't feel hopeful at all about my future, its just so bleak.. No ambition, no prospects, no friends, never had a gf, sleep issues.. I can't concentrate watsoever to engineer a way forward. My minds empty  :=: , I'm emotionally balanced beyond rationale. Its  overwhelming I don't even know were to begin  :(: ..

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## Paula

When was the last time you saw your Dr for a meds review?

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## Bardot

dear SA please make an appointment with doctor now. Tell GP how you feel. Are you on any meds?

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## Suzi

I was thinking the same as Paula - a meds review and telling the GP how you are feeling sounds like they are both in order.

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## SA89

I can see light just not sure from which direction. It seems the careers I'm not interested in have gd prospects (IT, engineer, plumbin, public service) & the careers I'm vaguely interested in have uncertain prospects (counseling, writer). I'm gonna roll with a counseling lvl 2 course for now..  :(think): . I saw my doctor a month be4 Christmas, I'm on setraline 50m. And now off to work I go with yet another completely sleepless night  :(snooze): ..

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## Bardot

Hello SA I think you need to talk to doc about sleeplessness. Also I believe your meds can go up a lot more so its worth talking to doc if they are not lifting your mood. A counselling course sounds a great way to go.

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## Paula

I agree with Bridget. Treatment for Depression is normally a multi pronged attack. I'm glad you're going with counselling, but talking to your Dr about a meds review is also important. 2 months without seeing our Dr when you're feeling like this, is perhaps too long.

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## Amaya

I think doing something that is true to yourself will give you the best prospects of good emotional wellbeing. If you have that then you can figure everything else out as you go. I say follow your dreams  :):

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## Suzi

I really do think you need to speak to the Dr re a meds review.. Also undertaking a counselling course may help you to analyse your own behaviours more..

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## rose

Is it true that if you are studying counselling, you have to undergo counselling yourself?

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## Paula

Generally, yes.  And I believe a lot of counsellors only work part time

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## Bardot

Yes you do have to have counselling yourself to be a counsellor.

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## Suzi

> Is it true that if you are studying counselling, you have to undergo counselling yourself?


It certainly is if you want to be an NHS counsellor..

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## SA89

> Generally, yes.  And I believe a lot of counsellors only work part time


Thats y I've been holding back doin a level 2 because it seems like a hard career to get into. This is y I'm depressed because theirs no 'path' I'm heading towards. It seems like a lonely career as well. I've buried my head in the sand all these years & now I'm 25. Today was a real struggle gettin through work with 0 sleep but thats anxiety for u.

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## Bardot

25 is very young. I know people who have not started a career until their 40s when they retrained for something new. You have loads of time and another 40 years of working life ahead of you. You are about my sons age and lots of his friends are still in education or training or travelling around the world doing seasonal work.

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Paula (17-01-15)

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## rose

25 is young. 25 is the age that many people come out of university, often with no career plan at all!
I think you should do the level 2 course, its better to be heading in that direction rather than just working a couple of days a week where you are now.

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## Suzi

Have you thought about asking some counsellors around you about how they trained etc?

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## SA89

> 25 is young. 25 is the age that many people come out of university, often with no career plan at all!
> I think you should do the level 2 course, its better to be heading in that direction rather than just working a couple of days a week where you are now.


that's true its better to be headin somewhere than nowhere I suppose. I feel worthless where I am in life, a family member has just been promoted as well which makes me even more a waste of space. I've wrote a little checklist on my phone to aim for because my insecurities are becoming too overwhelmin, feels like the walls r closing in..

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## Suzi

Sounds like a good idea to keep focussing on keeping looking forward..

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## SA89

yep, hard though when u see old friends gettin married & bein promoted etc. I'm a complete loser in comparison, nothin goin for me whatsoever, in bed 24/7  :(: ..

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## Paula

How many of your friends have got married at 25? Because that's very unusual in today's world

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## Suzi

The only person who can change that is you. You can do this, you can get the career and life you want, but you have to get up and make it happen lovely...

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## SA89

Thx, I've got an interview to become an advocate volunteer on feb 10th thats somethin I guess. I've volunteered at this mental health service for a year now doin admin. I just wish people around me would stop questionin me 'when r u goin to get a gf'..

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## rose

Who is asking you that? They need to mind their own business!

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## Suzi

That sounds brilliant!

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Paula (01-02-15)

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## SA89

my brother has his gf stay over every weekend & she flirts with me which just makes me worse because it revokes my feelings of loneliness & need to be loved. I'm so lonely any bit of hope kills me, so I remain stagnated in my cave to avoid the deep despair that hope causes me. She even asked me 'do u suffer from depression' I was like wtf how does this complete stranger know this!  :(wasntme): ..

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## Suzi

:(bear):

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## Paula

> my brother has his gf stay over every weekend & she flirts with me which just makes me worse because it revokes my feelings of loneliness & need to be loved. I'm so lonely any bit of hope kills me, so I remain stagnated in my cave to avoid the deep despair that hope causes me. She even asked me 'do u suffer from depression' I was like wtf how does this complete stranger know this! ..


Is she flirting (inappropriate) or does she just have a knack of putting people at their ease? And it may be she, or someone close to her,  suffers from depression so she knows the signs and wants to help. Please don't assume it's written all over your face. She may just generally be realler nice

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## SA89

> Is she flirting (inappropriate) or does she just have a knack of putting people at their ease? And it may be she, or someone close to her,  suffers from depression so she knows the signs and wants to help. Please don't assume it's written all over your face. She may just generally be realler nice


more the latter, she kept askin if she can enter my room & sayin how lovely I am thn asked for my fb. She also acknowledges to me how my brother speaks to her in a controllin way yet she still gives him so much affection.. Every1 I hav chemistry with is always with some1, its really frustrating..

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## Suzi

She sounds like a lovely lady!

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## SA89

yep but sadly she's with my stoner brother. I'm sick of bein a passenger to every1 else's happiness. I'm tryin to focus on other aspects of my life but its hard when I see beautiful women everywhere I go. I'm not a needy person but I need to be loved to heal this depression. I'm still takin my medication but drugs will never change that reality..

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## Suzi

Have you had counselling? 
You aren't a passenger, you are in charge of the decisions you make and the choices you pick...

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## Paula

Hunni, relying on being loved to heal depression is never going to work.  It's a sickly cliche, I know, but you really do need to love yourself.

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S deleted (07-02-15)

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## rose

Part of me wants to encourage you to pinch this girl off your brother and another part thinks NOOOOO that's a bad idea!!!!

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S deleted (07-02-15)

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## Suzi

:(rofl):  That's what I was thinking!

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## SA89

lol I wish, I fantasise about her everytime shes in my house  :(blush): .. I can't go on anymore ladies, waking up each day with no friends, no girlfriend, I just wanna jump off a bridge. If I was 'ugly' then I'd accept it more but I'm always told I'm a good lookin guy. I've just confined myself to my room for years on end through lack of confidence. Its the only routine i've ever known  :(: ..

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## S deleted

> Part of me wants to encourage you to pinch this girl off your brother and another part thinks NOOOOO that's a bad idea!!!!



I say go get her. Only a matter of time before she realises she's with the wrong brother

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## Paula

So, you think 'ugly' people don't deserve to be in a relationship? That's not the case, and someone you perceive as ugly will be beautiful in someone else's eyes.  You've been warned before about inflammatory comments, please watch what you're saying

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## rose

You can't go on anymore? If that's how you feel, you need to speak to someone asap. When did you last speak properly to your doctor about how you feel?

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## Suzi

I completely agree with what has been said above me. Really if you are feeling like that then I hope you are getting some emergency help. Looks aren't the be all and end all in relationships etc...

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## SA89

I don't understand how my brother has girls fallin at his feet when he's such a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: , it angers me so much. His voice is so annoyin to the point where I wanna pull my hair out. He speaks nonstop in'Grimey slang riddles & obsesses about his 'next joint'.. I'm still takin Setraline 50mg, I'm not seein any help at all because thy tell me if I'm not ready to take action then there's no point. I'm never ready  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Sorry, what do you mean "not ready to take action?"
I really think you should go back to your Dr and tell them how bad you are feeling.

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## SA89

> Sorry, what do you mean "not ready to take action?"
> I really think you should go back to your Dr and tell them how bad you are feeling.


I mean I'm never ready to change my ways because I've struggled socially all my life. Thats y I avoid CBT because I never do the tasks they tell me (get out more etc). I feel like I'm pestering my doctor because I've nothin new to say to him.

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## rose

Medication might help you to get to a point where you ARE ready to change.
50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline and I think if you are having suicidal thoughts then you really need to see the doctor and discuss what can be done. Maybe if you are taking more meds, you might find your brother less annoying (a symptom of depression is irritability).
Please, see your doctor and have a chat with them.

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## SA89

> Medication might help you to get to a point where you ARE ready to change.
> 50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline and I think if you are having suicidal thoughts then you really need to see the doctor and discuss what can be done. Maybe if you are taking more meds, you might find your brother less annoying (a symptom of depression is irritability).
> Please, see your doctor and have a chat with them.


I've never felt suicidal, even if I did I'd be too anxious to carry it out. All meds I've had have made me tired & thy've all been the lowest dose so increasin them will likely make me more sleepy. The meds do work to an extent, they kinda operate in the background. I still feel terrible on them but before them I was in floods of tears regularly. I think they balance ur mind although its still weighin towards the darker side.

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## rose

Another symptom of depression is being tired and the tiredness side effects from ADs should only last a few weeks.
So again, increasing could actually help with tiredness.
You won't know unless you ask?

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## SA89

> Another symptom of depression is being tired and the tiredness side effects from ADs should only last a few weeks.
> So again, increasing could actually help with tiredness.
> You won't know unless you ask?


ye can't forget that tiredness is a symptom of depreession. Its not aboout the strength of meds though with me, its to do with not bein physically active & making a real effort. So I resort to dating sites & get even more depressed when girls just ignore me. I just want at least a chance to start my own family  :S: ..

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## rose

You're only 25, you have years to start your own family! If you are talking about starting a family on a first date that could be a bit of a turn off, talk about pressure! What about something like meetup or joining clubs that interest you. An art class, an exercise class... that sort of thing.

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## Paula

> ye can't forget that tiredness is a symptom of depreession. Its not aboout the strength of meds though with me, its to do with not bein physically active & making a real effort. So I resort to dating sites & get even more depressed when girls just ignore me. I just want at least a chance to start my own family ..


So Rose's point about increasing the meds, so potentially improving your mood and being able to be more physically active and able to make an effort, is a valid one.

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## Suzi

Can I be blunt? You are 25 and yet you keep saying that you want a girlfriend, can't see why your brother is getting a girlfriend, but you aren't willing to do anything to change how you are? What is it exactly that you want? There is no way that a magic wand can be waved to make you better - you have to work hard to get better and only you can do that!

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## SA89

> Can I be blunt? You are 25 and yet you keep saying that you want a girlfriend, can't see why your brother is getting a girlfriend, but you aren't willing to do anything to change how you are? What is it exactly that you want? There is no way that a magic wand can be waved to make you better - you have to work hard to get better and only you can do that!


Sorry, my counsellors get annoyed at me as well, no one knows what to do with me. I seriously struggle with social anxiety, depression, low self-esteem & anxiety in general. I'm constantly worrying about silly things, even my mum gets annoyed with me. If I wasn't lonely I'd be more content & less insecure..




> So Rose's point about increasing the meds, so potentially improving your mood and being able to be more physically active and able to make an effort, is a valid one.


I'll consider it with my doctor. The reason I haven't increased them is because I upped a previous medication & it didn't make a difference. All it did was give me added side effects of drowsiness & I don't like taking drugs in any form as it is..

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## Suzi

I'm not getting annoyed at you at all, I genuinely am interested in what you want to happen and how you want it to happen....

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## Paula

This is a different medication, and they all affect you in different ways. No one likes taking pills, but it's got to be better than this, surely

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## SA89

I've increased my dose from 50mg to 100 for the Setraline & I have to see my doctor again in 2 week. I don't know why though because surely 2 weeks isn't enough time for them to kick in

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## Paula

It's probsbly to make sure you're ok on them and don't have any difficult side effects

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## rose

> I've increased my dose from 50mg to 100 for the Setraline & I have to see my doctor again in 2 week. I don't know why though because surely 2 weeks isn't enough time for them to kick in


Well done, that's a positive step. 2 weeks is to check everything is ok. If you need to see the doctor before then, don't be afraid to ask.
I keep meaning to ask you, do you only work at weekends?

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## SA89

> Well done, that's a positive step. 2 weeks is to check everything is ok. If you need to see the doctor before then, don't be afraid to ask.
> I keep meaning to ask you, do you only work at weekends?


ye rose 1-2 days & I volunteer on mondays. I feel completely hopeless about the future & I'm a serious recluse. My mind is so riddled with sadness that its impossible to break free  :S: . People tell me to think positive but how can I when I have no friends, no future & I'm 5'3. My mums friends try to encourage me to do somethin but I feel so bad. 

I don't wanna engage with any1 because I'll bring them down with my reclusive miserable demeanor. People seem to like me & say I'm funny & a good lad, I'm not sure why though at all ..

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## rose

Have you looked for a job that gets you out of the house more often? It might help with your feelings of being a recluse?

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## Suzi

Or college or something just to get out, meet people and help to raise your self esteem...

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## SA89

Its funny because people say to me 'ur always in ur room, no wonder ur depressed!. Its completely abnormal as a human with needs & what not to be in their room 24/7. Clinical depression is inevitable if u never leave ur room, u can try to ignore it through distraction but it eats away at u over time because ur social wellbeing isn't being met. Idle mind is a devils workshop & before u know it *BAMN* ur in a straight jacket.

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## njr

> I've increased my dose from 50mg to 100 for the Setraline & I have to see my doctor again in 2 week. I don't know why though because surely 2 weeks isn't enough time for them to kick in


I was on 50mg sertraline but i braved another visit to gp and it the dose was upped to 100mg. Things seem a bit more "normal" now even after only two weeks after the bigger dose.

It does take about 4 to 6 weeks for you to get the full benefits from the ads ive been on

Take care
Njr

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Suzi (14-02-15)

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## Suzi

> Its funny because people say to me 'ur always in ur room, no wonder ur depressed!. Its completely abnormal as a human with needs & what not to be in their room 24/7. Clinical depression is inevitable if u never leave ur room, u can try to ignore it through distraction but it eats away at u over time because ur social wellbeing isn't being met. Idle mind is a devils workshop & before u know it *BAMN* ur in a straight jacket.


I have to say that I don't think it's ever a case of it being like that at all. But if you are working an volunteering you aren't in your room 24/7 surely? Is there no other options rather than staying in your room?

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## rose

> Its funny because people say to me 'ur always in ur room, no wonder ur depressed!. Its completely abnormal as a human with needs & what not to be in their room 24/7. Clinical depression is inevitable if u never leave ur room, u can try to ignore it through distraction but it eats away at u over time because ur social wellbeing isn't being met. Idle mind is a devils workshop & before u know it *BAMN* ur in a straight jacket.


I think you have answered it yourself. If you feel your depression stems from being in your room and not having social interaction, then you are going to have to do something about it.
At age 25, working 2 days a week isn't going to sustain you long term. Suzi suggested college, I would suggest a full-time job, either of these are good options for building a future.
There is nothing wrong with being 5'3'', you cannot grow so you'll have to accept your height as what it is. I think your confidence will grow as you get out of the house more, away from your annoying brother, and build your own life.

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Suzi (14-02-15)

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## SA89

ye I think ur right, all I do is sleep all day in my room, I feel constantly drained  :(snooze): .. I'm aware of everythin u say I just can't seem to get out of this funk that i've been in for years. My brother is a scumbag who manipulates my mum into givin him £10 daily to fund his filthy cannabis addiction. He also speaks to his gf in terms like 'I'll slap u me'.

I'm in my room 24/7 suzi, work/voluntary is just 2 days. I only go downstairs to make a cup of tea or to warm my dinner up. Now imagine that routine all ur life with the exception of the odd rare night out. Its barely an existence let alone a life. I really struggle to form a life because I don't know what a life is..

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## Paula

No one but you is going to change this.  First, ignore your brother - whatever sort of person he is, that's not you and you don't have to be involved with, or care about, his life. The only thing I would say is to talk to your mum about the money. Ultimately, tho, if she's happy to give him the money, that's her decision and you need to respect it.

But the rest? That's up to you. You need to get out of your room, what are you interested in? Is there any way of taking your interests and see if there is some sort of group locally? And why are you working 2 days? Is there a reason you don't have a full time job or study? Both would mean increasing your social circle. You're 25, you should not be stuck in your room. If it's social phobia, I truly understand, but the only way of getting through that is pushing through it.

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree with Paula. Get up, get out of your room! Staying in one room isn't healthy and isn't going to help you at all. Sleeping lots also isn't going to help. When was the last time you did some exercise or went out for a walk? 
TBH you aren't going to meet anyone shut in your room. Get out there. If you want things to be different then it's only you who can make that happen.

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## rose

I can only repeat what I said before. You need to get out of home and get into full time work or study. Or in 5 years time nothing will have changed.
If you want the same attention from your mum that your brother gets, get it for the right reasons.
Did you do ALevels, what did you study, what were your career ambitions in the past?

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## SA89

When I interact with people it only resurfaces my deep feelings of loneliness. I shut myself away to avoid that inevitable despair. Everyone really likes me at work because I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I really like a few girls there but I dread seein them because its the hope that kills me. I work 1 day a week & everyday that day comes around I burst into tears straight after  :=(: . 

I really want friends but they're just acquaintances. People constantly tell me how great their relationships are, I'm reminded over & over & over. I'm sufferin so much every wakin day. Distraction is my only friend  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Sweetheart you aren't going to get any friends if you don't go out and meet them. Get out of your room and go and meet people lovely!

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## Paula

Absolutely! You need to put the effort in, people aren't going to come queueing up at your door to meet you.

Why does interacting make you lonely?

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## SA89

My voluntary boss told me I failed my interview to become an Advocate today. I really had my heart set on it & saw it as a light at the end of the tunnel, a sense of purpose. Now I'm back to having no direction again & we all know where that leads..




> Absolutely! You need to put the effort in, people aren't going to come queueing up at your door to meet you.
> 
> Why does interacting make you lonely?


It just reaffirms my need to be loved & have a rich social life. It frustrates me knowin that people express their appreciation for me yet I'm not a part of their life in any meaningful way  :(:

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## Suzi

Do you know why you didn't get the position? Have you asked for feedback?

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## Paula

Most of us have a need to be loved and have a rich social life. There's no harm in that - that's how we humans are generally. Why do you think that's a bad thing? And you're not going to be a part of anyone's life in a meaningful way if you don't spend time getting to know them, and them getting to know you.  It's never an instant thing. 

And, yes, did you get feedback?

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## purplefan

For you to say that you are no part of their life in any meaningful way is wrong. I think you are being too hard on yourself.
I know you had your hears set on the job, but why not go and talk to your boss to ask why you did not get it? It may well be it was not your fault sometimes employers have the most difficult task in choosing someone from the interview.
I think if you talk to your boss will let him know you are still keen and willing to work on any problems that may have came up during the interview. It is hard to pick yourself up from a failed interview but remember it maybe just down to sheer numbers. Don't give up on your dream job. Try and take this as another step forward. 
I know you will succeed. You are doing all the right things.  Only a matter of time.

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## rose

Definitely ask for feedback. How was this voluntary job going to support you into paid work? Is there another way?

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## SA89

My boss called me to his office & gave me a detailed reason. I failed 6 answers on confidentiality & he said I'm too insecure to be ready. I've failed every interview for that exact reasonin. I'm just a loser in life.. nothin ever goes my way. I asked for another chance down the line & he said maybe in about 3 months. Advocacy is basically supportin people with benefits, confidence etc. It can eventually lead to paid work 1ce ur proven.

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## Paula

If this is something you've been told before, you're going to need to work on it. It's great you've been given honest feedback, and something you can work on.  So you revise every aspect of the job so you don't get caught out like that again, and knowing all that will give you more confidence at interview.  And, if you know the subject, you have no reason to be insecure

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## Suzi

Can you ask for more training and support in those areas?

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## SA89

> If this is something you've been told before, you're going to need to work on it. It's great you've been given honest feedback, and something you can work on.  So you revise every aspect of the job so you don't get caught out like that again, and knowing all that will give you more confidence at interview.  And, if you know the subject, you have no reason to be insecure


I meant every interview in general like argos etc, ur right though I have real deep issues. The only way I can feel assured of myself is if I had a sense of purpose thats why I really wanted to be an advocate. I avoid people I know because I don't have a sense of purpose. A job status that I can be proud of  :(blush): 

And Suzi I don't think I can now because he said 3 months. By that time I'll probably be in a gutter, washed up on some remote island

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## Suzi

But if you don't ask then you won't know. No harm in asking a it will show initiative and how much you want this job too..

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## Paula

Have you considered having some interview technique training?

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## SA89

> But if you don't ask then you won't know. No harm in asking a it will show initiative and how much you want this job too..


he said 1 of the reasons I didn't get it was because he said they've had people before that they had to 'molly-coddle'  :Panda:  so to speak. He understimated how assertive I'd be based on my interview. The most frustrating thing is that the answers that I gave incorrect I actually knew were wrong if that makes sense? . 

For example:
*Would u share information about a client to a staff member etc?*
I was certain the answer was no but I was confused because u need to tell some1 if thy're suicidal or being abused. My answers varied between yes & no throughout this series of 'trick' questioning & the interviewers body language (which were 2 men) led me to believe the wrong answer each time. I hope that makes sense.

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## Paula

Unfortunately, he only had your interview to base his view of you on. And  interview questions don't tend to be trick questions, just questions they expect you to know the answers to, and probably they expect more than yes and no answers.

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## SA89

> Unfortunately, he only had your interview to base his view of you on. And  interview questions don't tend to be trick questions, just questions they expect you to know the answers to, and probably they expect more than yes and no answers.


I didn't actually  answer 'yes' 'no', I gave detailed answers. Ur right 1st impressions are essential, I always fail at being cross-examined

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## Paula

Have had interview training? It can be done face to face or by phone

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## rose

Hi, here is the thread where I shared some useful stuff on preparing for interviews:
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co....job+interviews

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## purplefan

I think your selling yourself short. I don't think you will be washed up. Or you have 1 or two things to work on. So why not get some help to give you some confidence.  Depression is a hard thing to cope with and to go to an interview even though you did not get it is pretty good. Perhaps get some family and friends to set up a mock interview?  You could kill two birds with one stone and make a fun night of it.

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## Suzi

Definitely look through rose's thread. I think your answer is right. Yes to confidentiality, but no if person would be at risk..

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## magie06

When I was working, I used to attend a lot of interviews. I was so nervous about them, I made an appointment with the career guidance teacher in my old secondary school. She was brilliant. She went through the sticky questions, as well as the normal questions that you can slip up on. It really helped and as far as I can remember I got the next job that I interviewed for.

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## SA89

I've not taken my tablets in 3 days, I'm startin to feel worse. Failin yet another interview on top of my deep despairing loneliness. I don't feel well at all  :=(: ..

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## Paula

Please take your tablets, urgently. You'll be feeling worse because of the lack of support from them, but soso withdrawal symptoms. Why did you stop taking them?

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## Suzi

Why would you stop taking your tablets? Please go and see your Dr and tell them what you've done and why...

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## rose

I can't remember what you are on and what dose, but almost all ADs have discontinuation symptoms and you are going to feel worse if you just stop taking them.
Please stop this deliberate self-harm, get back on your medication as prescribed and get yourself to the GP if you continue to feel worse.

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## SA89

I slept through past 10pm 3 days in a row which is my time to take them. My mind is relentlessly filled with sadness even with them, although they stabilise it better. I'm on Setraline 100mil rose.

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## rose

They are not so time-sensitive that you have to take them exactly the same time each day. If you meant to say 10am, just take it when you wake up, whatever time that is. If you meant to say 10pm (how do you sleep through 10pm?) take it earlier in the evening.
Sertraline has a relatively short half-life, meaning you are going to feel discontinuation symptoms if you suddenly stop taking them.
I KNOW the feelings of persistent sadness are there regardless of whether you take them or not, but take it from someone who stopped Sertraline against their doctor's advice.... things can get a lot worse.
Please make an appointment with the GP if you feel that they are not working, they will be able to advise what to do next.

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Paula (12-03-15),Suzi (12-03-15)

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## Paula

Totally agree with Rose

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## Suzi

And me...

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## rose

Did you take your medication today?

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## Paula

I second Rose. Please take it

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## SA89

I'm taken them yes. My doctor said my depression isn't really major depression, its more pro-longed depression on the back of my social anxiety. I'm a decent enough person who puts others feelings 1st so I don't know why I've never experienced romance. When girls speak to me they always say  'Awww..'. I'm never taken serious  :(think): .

My horrible brother gets what he wants through bein nasty & manipulative. I get so f PLEASE DON'T SPELL OUT WORDS TO GET ROUND THE SWEAR FILTER. IT'S THERE FOR A REASON.  angry inside when I see how much love he gets  :@: . I'm never invited anywhere; parties, wedding or holidays. I'd like to see how people would survive without love all their life, let see how they'd cope with being lonely..

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## Suzi

I've removed your language from your post. Please don't swear by putting spaces in the words. I don't like it. 

Are you getting out and making friends? If you aren't meeting anyone then who do you expect to invite you anywhere?

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## SA89

I've applied for more voluntary & I attended a job fair so I'm doin what I can to break the cycle of loneliness. I'm tryin my best not to think about women atm. Its much easier for women to find romance than men because we do all the chasing. We're competin with dozens of other men for a girls attention, who she's seen a thousand times over. If ur 'short', introverted etc u don't ever get a look in no matter how nice u are. I'm not generalisin every1, its just how society is  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

No, I don't think so. I think that's your perception of it, which is warped due to your experiences and to your low self esteem and mood. 
In my relationship, it wasn't Marc who made the first move or spoke to me first... I did that. 
Applying for jobs isn't going to break the current loneliness though, getting out and taking up a new hobby or something will help that, join a choir, go plane spotting, painting, fishing, painting your bum bright blue! Whatever gets you out and in and amongst people and being able to talk to them and enable you to make new friends will help that...

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## Paula

I'm with Suzi, here. With both my ex husband and my husband it was me that made the first move. I've always believed that, if you want something, you need to put the effort in - and that applies to both genders.

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## SA89

I put effort in by bein nice, I have time for every1 yet here I am suffering. I'm always friendly to people & I even laugh at myself, even when people insult my big nose or my awkwardness. I know lots of people who are self-centred with bland personalities yet these are the ones who are married with lots of friends. In nightclubs all I get is women turnin their nose up at me, every1 seems to be really shallow. I'm not ugly I'm just 'nice' (& short). I'm tired man, this world is backwards, i'll never get to experience love  :(: ..

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## Paula

Nightclubs isn't really the best way to find someone. It's artificial, everyone's drunk and you really don't get yo know anybody, except whether they're attractive. Try to widen your social circle, perhaps by meeting friends of friends, and it will happen for you

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## Suzi

Sweetheart listen.. Nightclubs are good for a drunken one night stand, but not a lot more... Try getting out and spending some real time with people....

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## rose

I made the first move to asking out my OH! 
There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with trying to meet people in nightclubs, but that's obviously not working for you and you're not happy so you need to go out and about and do other things.
I used to go out clubbing, I didn't used to get horrendously drunk, and over the years I met a few nice guys whilst out clubbing.

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## SA89

> I made the first move to asking out my OH! 
> There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with trying to meet people in nightclubs, but that's obviously not working for you and you're not happy so you need to go out and about and do other things.
> I used to go out clubbing, I didn't used to get horrendously drunk, and over the years I met a few nice guys whilst out clubbing.


What I'm about to say isn't goin to be pleasant but I'll say it 'caus its how I feel; I hate every couple on this earth. I feel physically enraged & irritated in their presence. I hope every happy couple breaks up & feel as alone as I do. At least then I can relate to people. The way they spoon in public, referrin to 1 another as 'babe', its sickening & makes me want to cough up blood. I don't hate people I just hate couples. They make me acknowledge my loneliness. They make me want to shoot myself in the head with a shotgun to rid myself of this existence  :(: ..

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## Suzi

That's probably one of the most distressing posts I've ever read on here and I've owned and run Dwd for coming up 10 years. 

I'm not going to answer your post of hate except for telling you that you need medical help now.

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## rose

I went to the doctors and told him I get panicked every night because the shops are shutting. He asked me if I thought that was normal. And I answered 'No, I don't think that's normal, I don't want these thoughts, that's why I am telling you about it'.

Are the thoughts you describe above unwanted thoughts (like the ones I had about the shops shutting) or thoughts that you welcome?

Did you increase your ADs recently?

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## SA89

> That's probably one of the most distressing posts I've ever read on here and I've owned and run Dwd for coming up 10 years. 
> 
> I'm not going to answer your post of hate except for telling you that you need medical help now.


I'm just usin analogies to express how much they annoy me, I'm not a psychopath or anythin, my hatred is laced with envy & shame of my own social failings. Being alone all ur life does that to u  :(blush): ..

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## rose

Is it an analogy, or does thinking about couples actually make you want to harm yourself?

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## SA89

> Is it an analogy, or does thinking about couples actually make you want to harm yourself?


Just an analogy, I like to freely express my frustration because I feel even worse bottlin it. I've never thought about self-harm ever, my anxiety & fear of death/pain forbids from such thoughts. They're unwanted thoughts because like I said I don't hate people because I'm a person myself. I hate people together. They have somethin I'm desperate to experience in life, yet hopeless in my efforts. I told my doc recently to continue on Setraline 100mg for a while.

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## Suzi

Why did you decide to stay on that dose rather than increase?

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## SA89

> Why did you decide to stay on that dose rather than increase?


Because I increased them initially from 50 to 100mg & I've tried various ADs. Every single 1 of them feels the same to me. They work in the background & make u less tearful (although I still cry sometimes). I'm still really depressed but pills alone won't resolve my isolation, engaging in the community will which is what I'm tryin to work on. I need to explore my extrovert side, its the only way I can progress my emotions.

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## SA89

Its hard to keep goin when u hear other people around u becomin managers & gettin married..I'm slowly tryin to work on myself (by attendin voluntary opportunities etc) but when I hear news like this it sends me plummetin back down. I'm such a loser in comparison & thats the truth because what have I got goin for me  :=(: ..

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## Paula

I keep coming back to this, sorry, but you're only 25! You're expecting to have everything now but adult life doesn't just get handed over on a plate when you leave school/college/uni. You have to work for it - my hubby didn't get into a managerial position til his mid 30s and I became to Ill to work again before I got there - my plans, my career path were all destroyed by depression. Not everybody gets that career path or even wants it.

Wrt couples, I made a mistake in my teens so by the time I was your age, I was divorced and a single mum of a baby. Can you imagine how hard that was? I was working full time to keep a roof over my baby's head.  Yes, I'm in a good relationship now, but I suffered to get there yet everyone thought I was coping. Not everything you see is reality, and perfection in relationships is impossible. 

So, you hate me because I'm in a couple. Honestly? It doesn't bother me in the slightest. What does bother me is how much hatred you carry around in you.  That will destroy you, eventually, and will eventually become visibly obvious to people around you.

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## Suzi

I'm with Paula, it's the hatred within you which I find so concerning. Nothing is going to change unless you do it yourself. You can do it, but you have to work at it.

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## SA89

> I keep coming back to this, sorry, but you're only 25! You're expecting to have everything now but adult life doesn't just get handed over on a plate when you leave school/college/uni. You have to work for it - my hubby didn't get into a managerial position til his mid 30s and I became to Ill to work again before I got there - my plans, my career path were all destroyed by depression. Not everybody gets that career path or even wants it.
> 
> Wrt couples, I made a mistake in my teens so by the time I was your age, I was divorced and a single mum of a baby. Can you imagine how hard that was? I was working full time to keep a roof over my baby's head.  Yes, I'm in a good relationship now, but I suffered to get there yet everyone thought I was coping. Not everything you see is reality, and perfection in relationships is impossible. 
> So, you hate me because I'm in a couple. Honestly? It doesn't bother me in the slightest. What does bother me is how much hatred you carry around in you.  That will destroy you, eventually, and will eventually become visibly obvious to people around you.


I don't hate u at all Paula, I just hate seein people all loved up because I've never had that in life. I respect all of u guys on here for what ur doin in the mental health community. When ur lonely u have a warped perspective on everythin around u. It hurts that I've made no progress whatsoever in the 5+ years at my dead end job. Ur right I need to work some direction, its hard though when u've been a reclusive loner all ur life feelin miserable 24/7.

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## Paula

AsSuzi says, you have to work at it. So realistically, what could be the first thing you do or get into place that will make even a small change in your life?

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## Suzi

What is it that you want? What is it you want to change? Where do you want to be in 5 years?

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## SA89

I've no idea, fittin in somewhere would be a start.. I'm quite 'out there' in my rebellion against the 'norm'. I'm nothin more thn myself at work, most people really like me for not followin the crowd but then there's some that give me 'funny' looks. 1 girl even called me weird today, prob because I'm different & try hard not to be like them. 

Indifferent is weird in societys eyes, generic & dull is whats perceived 'normal'. They love to gossip to their best friend managers about everythin I do. I got sent home today because apparently I was chattin when I was tidyin the staff room  :(wasntme): .

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## Paula

Hunni it's difficult to be out there and fitting in properly, at the same time. Why did you get sent home for chatting? That sounded a little overreaction ....

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## SA89

> Hunni it's difficult to be out there and fitting in properly, at the same time. Why did you get sent home for chatting? That sounded a little overreaction ....


They said it shouldn't take me so long to clean the staff room, the manager was really angry. When I returned to the kitchen a few people snapped at me when I said 'heya r u alright' to them. They're like '*FINE*' then abrubtly storm away. I'm nothin but friendly to every single person here but because I have Anxiety & Depression I'm cast aside. The girl manager even said I always look depressed, disregardin how I'm always makin others laugh with my quirky self-deprecatin humour lol. If only people knew what its like to suffer in silence  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Was it taking you a really long time to clean the staff room? 
Have you tried smiling a bit more at work?

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## rose

It sounds like you really annoyed your colleagues and manager. Perhaps you need to have a chat with your manager about what the problem is.

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## SA89

I've been a 'slave' to this place for 5 years now stuck on the same production. I like to have a laugh & a joke, helps pass the time. Its demoralisin slavin for no purpose other thn to shave a few hours off my job search requirement. I'd feel more content if I had somethin goin in conjunction to aspire towards. I suppose there's voluntary I'm doin but all I've been doin there is answerin the phone ..

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## Paula

Rose is right, you need to find out what has happened to get this reaction from your colleagues. I doubt you're a slave to that place - you're being paid to do a job - but it would make your life easier if you can figure out, and fix, what, if anything, has changed

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## Suzi

Go in and ask why things are as they are, ask about promotion prospects too..

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## rose

When you were growing up, what did you want to do for a job?

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## SA89

> Go in and ask why things are as they are, ask about promotion prospects too..


They kinda told me before that I'm limited to that role & thyre happy for me to do it (because someones got to do it). I wanna work in mental health anyway or some capacity. It hurts though when no one ever gives u a chance in life, I've even applied for ambulance services, nothing.. No one loves me & no one wants me at their workplace. I'm just a sad individual who may as well not have been born. I'm a waste of a sperm cell  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

If that's how you present yourself then that's all people are going to see... You are worth a huge amount more than that, but you just don't show it or believe it. Do you have any qualifications in mental health? What about experience? 
It must be said that you do come across sometimes as someone who does have a really big chip on their shoulder expecting everyone else to do it for you... But if you want it, then get out there and do it. If you want it bad enough then you'll work hard for it. 
I assume that when you fill in your application forms/CV etc that you write them in proper English rather than text speak as not everyone can work that out (and I hate text speak lol) and that you present yourself well?

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Paula (07-04-15)

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## rose

If there are no promotion prospects and its only one day a week then you need to get out.
If you want to work in mental health then look for entry level jobs and see what qualifications are being asked for.
My friend had to work really really hard to get onto a paramedic course.... its not an easy field to get into at all.

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## SA89

> If there are no promotion prospects and its only one day a week then you need to get out.
> If you want to work in mental health then look for entry level jobs and see what qualifications are being asked for.
> My friend had to work really really hard to get onto a paramedic course.... its not an easy field to get into at all.


Thats why I feel so pessimistic because the fields I sorta like are difficult to get into (mental health,literature etc). As a result I resign myself to applyin for places like Asda, McDonald's & even they don't want me! lol  :(blush): .



> If that's how you present yourself then that's all people are going to see... You are worth a huge amount more than that, but you just don't show it or believe it. Do you have any qualifications in mental health? What about experience? 
> It must be said that you do come across sometimes as someone who does have a really big chip on their shoulder expecting everyone else to do it for you... But if you want it, then get out there and do it. If you want it bad enough then you'll work hard for it. 
> I assume that when you fill in your application forms/CV etc that you write them in proper English rather than text speak as not everyone can work that out (and I hate text speak lol) and that you present yourself well?


ye I do everythin to the letter, I'm good at writin so I can articulate my lack of skills into a targeted format. But ye ur right I'm not independent, people even tie knots for me at work :\. I present myself rather timidly but thats who I am, I don't wanna be a manipulative p**** just to fit in & lick the managers butt.

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## rose

Sorry for the personal questions, but what's your highest level of qualification, eg. gcse, a-level, degree?

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## Paula

Please don't use unsavoury comments like that.  It's not a one off and you've been warned before about how you phrase your posts. 

If you're articulate, why can't you show us that side of you here?

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Suzi (07-04-15)

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## Suzi

I didn't question your independence... I questioned your use of text speak, how you present yourself as in dress code, and the fact that you seem to believe that everything should just be handed to you. You need to get up and work for it yourself...

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## rose

> people even tie knots for me at work


sorry, what does this bit mean?

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## SA89

> I didn't question your independence... I questioned your use of text speak, how you present yourself as in dress code, and the fact that you seem to believe that everything should just be handed to you. You need to get up and work for it yourself...


I don't 'feel' anythin for any corporation, we're all robots in this society programmed to do as society tells us. I wish I wasn't such a realistic because then I wouldn't be depressed. Depressed people see the world for what it is & thats what creates the apathy; a disconnect from those who blindly follow. Makin a better life means conformin to this disillusioned percieved 'norm'. Indifference isn't celebrated its frowned upon by these 'robots' who think their 'robotic' nature is the way we all should be in life. 
[QUOTE=rose;175415]sorry, what does this bit mean?[/QUOTE
tiein binbags, aprons, shoelace etc, I struggle with basic essentials  :(blush): ..

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## Paula

Sorry, but rubbish.  I am a sunny, outgoing, bubbly person yet I suffer from depression.  It has nothing to do with my temperament and everything to do with being ill. And I am not a robot - I am my own, perfectly imperfect person.  Being disillusioned has nothing to do with depression.

Does the difficulty with tieing things come from a condition you have?

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## Suzi

I'm not a robot either. I am not apathetic and yet I believe I see things as they are..... 

You can't tie a knot?

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## SA89

I dunno guys, I'm too emotionally imbalanced to even think straight.. I can't even cry properly anymore but I'm cryin so much inside. My eyes are constantly welling though  :(: . I applied for 10 jobs today but its done nothin to shift this emotional imbalance. I'm always on the POF datin site & every1 just ignores my hard thought messages. How do u even begin to retrieve a balanced mindset?. And yes I'm still takin Setraline 100 & yes I've tried many other AD types..

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## Paula

POF is soul destroying for even those who are well.  I think you need to concentrate on getting well before you turn to looking at a relationship - particularly when you're looking at dating sites where it's brutal.  A balanced mindset takes time, often therapy, and focussing on that without distractions of looking for a girlfriend. If I thought your illness had any real relevance with your single status,  I might say differently, but I think it is much more about your own self worth - which comes from within, not from how others see you. I'm not sure if this makes sense, so forgive me if it doesn't btw 

Btw thank you for taking Suzi's comments on board concerning your text speech

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## SA89

I try & distract myself as best I can from my lonely thoughts but its really difficult when I'm seein my brother with his gf 24/7 (who may as well live here..). And when I'm at work & out of the house I'm surrounded by girls I really like yet r uninterested. I can't escape from these dark thoughts at all. 'Normal' people have no idea what its like to be without friends, to be without love. We're social beings we all need that sense of community. I'm not seein a therapist so its even more unlikely that my wellbein will improve. I've had that many & they just rightly gave up on me  :(: .

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## Suzi

Thank you so much for no more text speak! I'm really grateful! 
Have you asked these girls out at all? Or are you just assuming that they are uninterested?

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## Paula

I understand that you feel you're in a unique position.  But I can say that,when I was in my first, 'challenging' marriage, I couldn't let anyone in and I've never been so lonely as I was then. I went to work, I came home. I pushed my friends away and wasn't loved in my marriage. Normal doesn't exist and most of us have felt emotions such as loneliness, bitterness, lack of hope at some point or another in our lives - maybe not in the exact way you have for some of us (though for others in a very similar way). What I'm trying to say is, it's not what is thrown at us that defines us, it's what we do with it.  You have a choice to accept this, or change. And I really believe you have the strength to change your life completely.

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## SA89

I've never asked suzi because there's always masculine lads circlin round these girls. These guys are vain & constantly makin stupid sex jokes yet these girls give them attention. I think some do like me but thy're very coy, its toyin with my depression this false hope. 1 said 'r u comin to the psrty 2night', I said no & she replied 'come, ask me out'. It sounds like sarcasm though.. Saturdays r the WORST because every1s out with their friends. I wish I had friends, I can make acquaintances but never friends that hang out together, it hurts so much, I can't even begin to put into words .. I've switched my Setraline back to Citalopram 20m what I originally started with. I've come full circle, if only they worked  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Was it your Dr who changed your meds? 
What about therapy? Why not just ask one of them out? Maybe they don't want to be around the others all the time?

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## rose

You were asked to a party so you DO have friends?

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## SA89

ye my doctor changed them, I'm waitin for cognitive therapy. I feel that because I'm not loud & big like the others that I can't compete. They sing a lot in public because they think that somehow gives them a 'great personality'. I hate this sexually driven society so much, everyone is so needy its bloody ridiculous. I really want to break free from this spell that women subconsciously have over me. Its not healthy for the mind to be thinkin about sex all the time. Its that stressful that I can't even go about my day unless I've relieved my thoughts from such erotic fantasies  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

My husband wasn't loud when I met him and fell in love with him.... It's not all sexually driven at all. I think that's just your perception of it.

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## Paula

I don't think I know anyone who's sexually driven and needy as you're describing - not since I was surrounded by hormonal teenage boys at school. And singing in public is fun, I sing all the time. And, believe me, it's not because I want people to think I have a great personality - it just feels me with joy. Suzi's right, your perception of other people seems to be somewhat distorted .....

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## SA89

well can u blame me, my workplace has tainted this perception, every week for 5 years feelin like ur at a party where ur not wanted.. I'm friendly to every1 at work yet I'm treated like an outsider. I think bein dark skinned has somewhat to do with it because they kinda categorize me in the 'foreigner clique'. I treat every1 equal, its no coincidence I get on with the introverts the most. They seem the most caring, interestin people from my experience. The majority are self-absorbed & tend to cater to the 'jack the lad' stereotype. Society doesn't gel with 'indifference' as I've said many times. Social Anxiety & depression is indifferent to the percieved 'norm'.

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## Suzi

You think it's because of the colour of  your skin? 
If your workplace is so bad then are you continuing to look for something else?

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## SA89

I've got out more this week & socialised & feel a bit better for it (well in the garden at least  :(blush): ..). Today though has been a bit controversial because my brother hit his gf & strangled her. I've told every1 how much I hate him & how he creates a bad atmosphere when we're all together. I made him burst in2 tears with a comment about his dad & now every1 feels sorry for him again.. I'm the only 1 who calls his behaviour out but my mum always gives in2 him despite what he does. His gf is a nice person yet he hits her, its messed up  :(: ..

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## Paula

Is she still in the house? Have you talked to her about it?

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## SA89

> Is she still in the house? Have you talked to her about it?


ye she stays over every day putting up with his aggression. He's addicted to weed & they both have ADHD. Its his 18th soon & I've told my mum I can't celebrate with some1 I simply don't like. I only put up with him because of my mum who loves him. He makes every social gathering really uncomfortable with his thuggish ways.

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## Suzi

I really hope that she is able to see what is wrong and walks away from him...

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## SA89

> I really hope that she is able to see what is wrong and walks away from him...


She's blinded by love suzi, she even says 'I'm really glad I forgave him'. After he's done somethin bad he puts on the waterworks & then everythin is forgotten. Or buys her some flowers.. My mums just as gulluble with him, hes a good manipulator I'll give him that. Like I said previously its not easy livin with him but I'm stuck because I dont wanna move out away from my mum  :^): ..

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## Paula

Why don't you want to move away from your mum? Are you worried about her?

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## SA89

I never push him too far because I know what he can do. He pulled a knife out the draw the last time I got really under his skin. He's toxic but people are scared to confront him so they give him attention & say how cute he is..

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## Suzi

Can I ask you to remind me how old you are?

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## SA89

> Can I ask you to remind me how old you are?


I'm 25, he's 18. I would move out if I had a career that would facilitate the rent but I'd feel more lonely tbh, so its either put up or shut up. My mum has a fella but even he's intimidated by him!  :(blush): . Every1 who chills at my house are nice people, its just him, he spoils everythin..

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## rose

He sounds like a horrible boy and I wonder if the next time he becomes violent it might be prudent to call the police. His behaviour needs stopping in its tracks.

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## SA89

> He sounds like a horrible boy and I wonder if the next time he becomes violent it might be prudent to call the police. His behaviour needs stopping in its tracks.


ye its downright abuse at times. Its an awkward situation because if I ever reported him my mum would be in bits, I don't think I could live with that guilt. His dad never looks after him, he doesn't even give my mum support for him..

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## rose

Abuse? Waving a knife at someone is illegal and trying to strangle someone is assault at least. Your mum needs to face facts that part of parenting is being firm. Talk to her.

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## Suzi

But if no one stands up to him then he'll never learn that it's wrong and not appropriate.

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## SA89

its excused as 'he'll grow out of it'.. Anyway back to the thread, I'm sure u guys know full well how easy it is to slip back in2 a dark depression. I'm wandering what u've learned to consistently keep it at bay. I've felt better this past week through a combination of sittin in the garden more, arrangin some more voluntary & an advocacy course, played my 1st football match in years with old friends & oc my citalopram which I think has helped. 

I'm still a recluse oc & deep depression is still waitin in the shadows. Pro-activity breeds hope, depression is always there, is consistent pro-activity the only way to combat it?  :8): .

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## rose

Looking out for signs that you're slipping I think is key. And then you can stop it in its tracks, or know to give yourself a break. 
Sitting in the garden is good for the soul as far as I'm concerned (wasn't that the point of the story 'The Secret Garden'?)
Doing more work and seeing friends is exactly what you ought to be doing to help so I am glad you are doing it  :):

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## Paula

My children once asked me how often I get depressed. I told them I'm always depressed, it's just sometimes I manage it better. That applies to me, I hasten to add, and not to everybody but I hope it's a good illustration that looking after yourself, watching for signs of a slip and adjusting your lifestyle when needed can help keep a crisis at bay. It doesn't always work, I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but it does work enough to make it worth the effort of trying. I feel like I'm rambling so I'm sorry if I don't make sense  :(blush):

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## SA89

> My children once asked me how often I get depressed. I told them I'm always depressed, it's just sometimes I manage it better. That applies to me, I hasten to add, and not to everybody but I hope it's a good illustration that looking after yourself, watching for signs of a slip and adjusting your lifestyle when needed can help keep a crisis at bay. It doesn't always work, I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but it does work enough to make it worth the effort of trying. I feel like I'm rambling so I'm sorry if I don't make sense


Paula when u say watch for signs & adjust how is that possible when u have to face that trigger on a weekly basis. My workplace & its peer group triggers my depression really bad. I can be relatively fine all week then as soon as I'm around those people & girls that mess with my head it sends my self esteem plumeting. I'm uncomfortable with the majority 'clique' there & the girls keep givin me mixed signals (flirt with me thn some1 else straight after). Its so frustration especially when u've never had a gf.. And now I'm gonna drink the night away now in town & feel 10X more depressed & anxious  :(doh): ..

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## Paula

I think somehow you have to find the mental strength to stop these being triggers. I wonder if these girls really are flirting with you.  I wonder if they're just being nice and pleasant and you're seeing it a different way - that particularly seems more likely when you say they constantly move on to others and flirting.  Most women don't do that, I promise. Most women will be kind and pleasant to the people they work with and have daily contact with because it makes life easier and often because they're genuinely nice.

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## Suzi

Sweetheart why haven't you asked any of them out on a date?

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## rose

I think you need to change job.
And I am pretty sure that those girls aren't openly flirting with every guy there. And if they are, then they are doing it to everybody and its not personal.

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## SA89

I'll never understand until the day I die why women love these thugs. It were my brothers 18th 2night & it was an absolute train-wreck. He smashed up bar windows, threatened his gf & racist to the bouncers. Even threatened to stab a guy who flirted with his gf. I told them to take it easy but there's no reasoning with an aggressive drunk. Yet after all this she continues to forgive him & say how cute he is the nxt day. I'm done with this bs, I've got my own demons to tackle  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Thing is until someone stands up to him or reports him and he is arrested then he will continue to do the same.

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## rose

How old is his girlfriend?

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## SA89

she's 17, they both have ADHD & it shows, constantly seekin attention. Today they're 'normal' like last nights serious aggression never happened. I remember gettin in 2 strangers car with my cousin 'because it was cold' then he drove so fast we could hav gone through the windscreen!. Never again am I goin out with my brother. I forgot my tablet as well & I'm back to feelin low now through that toxic alcohol (& I only had 3  :(blush): ..).

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## rose

She is 17, that's quite young really, perhaps she thinks true love is all about standing by your man. I used to think that when I was 17. She probably needs some girlfriends around her to open her eyes.

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## Paula

Surely if he broke windows, and threatened someone with a knife the police should have been called?

And Rose is right, at 17 I got engaged and married at 19 to someone who was not good to me, and I couldn't see it at all

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rose (30-04-15)

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## Suzi

> she's 17, they both have ADHD & it shows, constantly seekin attention. Today they're 'normal' like last nights serious aggression never happened. I remember gettin in 2 strangers car with my cousin 'because it was cold' then he drove so fast we could hav gone through the windscreen!. Never again am I goin out with my brother. I forgot my tablet as well & I'm back to feelin low now through that toxic alcohol (& I only had 3 ..).


I don't buy the ADHD as an "excuse" for aggression or just being a total knob. I've enough experience in that field to know that there are different types of ADHD - some real and proper and some which are there, but being stricter would help enough.... 
I think you all need to stand up to him..

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## SA89

> I don't buy the ADHD as an "excuse" for aggression or just being a total knob. I've enough experience in that field to know that there are different types of ADHD - some real and proper and some which are there, but being stricter would help enough.... 
> I think you all need to stand up to him..


I stand my ground with him but there's no reasonin with an aggressive drunk. I'm a weak person, I've had 1 fight in my life so I avoid conflict like the plague. Its pathetic really, thats why I speak my mind to compensate for my physical shortcomings. My mums weak as well due to her Lupus & his dad doesn't give a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ..

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## SA89

Tbh though I just wanna forget about him because him, his dodgy mates & his annoyin relationship are detrimental. Its challengin puttin up with this stuff, havin couples in ur face 24/7, at home/around clubs.. Just when u finally make progress it shoots ur low self esteem back lower. Depression & anxiety are really sensitive like that. U guys on here know all too well how tough it is tryin to prevent triggers that remind u why ur depressed (mines loneliness, self-worth etc).

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## sedgejane

I agree with the others, you don't stop anti depressant without the advice of your GP.  They come with their own problems but sometimes you have to try a new drug to find what suits. I did.

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## Suzi

Your Mum has Lupus?  :Panda:  for you and her. It's a horrible illness. I think that you sound as if your heart is in the right place, but honestly if he kicks off like that again call the police. He can't be allowed to be violent around your Mum too... 
I think that you just need to be told that you are worth it and you are a good person and handed an opportunity... But please stop the text speak! I'm too old and not got enough spoons (do you/your mum know of the spoon theory?) to work it out tonight!  :):

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## SA89

my self-esteem has been so low all my life, I feel inadequate with my short height & skinny physique. A lot of extrovert types speak to me like I'm a baby due to my inferior social status. For 5+ years I've been so frustrated with myself after work knowin I haven't made progress with any of the girls. My anxiety just loves to remind me how much I fail with women *sigh*  :(think): .. I'm doin more voluntary with another mental health community just to try & subside this desperate desire that haunts me. We're human, we need love & affection just like every1 else. Its not normal to have never had these basic needs of wellbeing, especially as a red-blooded male  :(doh): ..

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## rose

I am not really sure work is the place to be looking for a girlfriend?

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## Suzi

It's a possibility....

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## SA89

I think ur right rose but its the only peer circle I'm a part of. Home lifes rather hostile at the moment with my brother who is a threat to every1 in my house. Every1 feels scared to disagree with him because he lashes out, he broke his wrist again 2day after punchin a bin. He's a paranoid psycho ragin at his gf for wearin certain clothin. She's gorgeous with a lovely personality & then there's him.. She said she feels safe around me. My mums terrified of what he'll do next. U can tell just by his eyes how aggressive he is, fuelled by paranoia from his weed addiction :(shake): ..

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## rose

Your brother really needs help.

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## Suzi

Sadly the only way that he's going to get any help is if someone reports him or stands up to him. The more he gets away with it then the more he will do it...

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## SA89

I wanted to slap some co-workers today at work, the way some of them speak to me & patronise me because I'm not in the little 'clique' makes me so annoyed.. 1 big girl was like 'WHY DID U MAKE A BIG HOLE IN THE SOAP DISPENSER UR SUPPOSED TO DO IT THIS WAY'. I work my ass of there cookin, cleanin, liftin heavy stuff etc. These people are so passive aggressive towards the 'outsiders'. They look really miserable & act moody towards any1 thats quite indifferent to their little 'circle'. I blame the western culture to be honest  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Are you sure they weren't just trying to help? I think that it's wrong that you felt you wanted to "slap some co-workers".... 
In what way do you blame the "Western culture"?

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## rose

Clearly that job is no good for you at all. Stop living with your triggers and start figuring out how to get away from them.

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## SA89

> Are you sure they weren't just trying to help? I think that it's wrong that you felt you wanted to "slap some co-workers".... 
> In what way do you blame the "Western culture"?


I'm just really fed up suzi with my social situation in general.. Like I said be4 on here I'm openly friendly to every1 yet many people there only speak to me when they want somethin doin for them. I always leave there with my back aching but I seem to get a lot of dismissive behavior.. Also some girls there are 1 minute playful with me then the next moody with me. I wish every1 in this world would be simply upfront & not p*** around with peoples emotions. Other cultures are more relaxed & treat every1 like family, they're not as uptight as ours. 'Slappin some1' was a figure of speech, I just like ventin in a controlled environment  :Smoke: .

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## Suzi

Can you remind me of what you do?

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## Paula

> Also some girls there are 1 minute playful with me then the next moody with me. Other cultures are more relaxed & treat every1 like family, they're not as uptight as ours.


Are you sure the girls aren't reacting to your own responses? You've generalised women a lot in what you talk about and I can assure you that we don't all flirt and then turn moody, we aren't teases. there are a very small minority of women who may act like that, just like there are a very small minority of men who treat women badly. 

And wrt cultures, again you're generalising. Additionally, people are people the world over - Japan, for instance, has a reputation of a 'family' culture, yet have some of the biggest companies in the world - and I very much doubt that these companies have that culture. North Korea is not part of western culture and yet is ruled with an iron rod. Our country, imo, is not particularly uptight, I see and hear of good, caring and kindness every day.

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Suzi (04-05-15)

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## SA89

Perhaps I'm basin my view on people I see in nightclubs & at my work. Abroad u could walk across a street & be offered a cup of coffee from a stranger. Today for example I said 'Hello amy are u alright?', her reply was 'ye..' in a quite dismissive tone. Not just today though, for 5+ years I''ve felt ostracized from the main focal social group as have other workers. We're civil in terms of workin together but personally we're irrelevant to them. They're quite conceited actually. I may be insecure, anxious, depressed etc but I always ask people how they're doin even strangers. I work part time in fast food Suzi.

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## Suzi

Erm hunni, people are very different when they are sober and not in a nightclub! Really hunni, chances are she didn't really want to be at work today and the "yeah" had very little to do with anything....

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## SA89

> Erm hunni, people are very different when they are sober and not in a nightclub!


ye I've noticed that, people seem like some 'plastic' version of themselves when they're out. I've just returned myself from a busy pub & it was just a miserable experience for me. Watchin from the sidelines as strangers dance & I sip my bitterly disgusting lager. These bars really trigger my depression & loneliness. I've found that u really have to be in the mood but with depression ur never in the mood. People ask me to go out with thm like my vile brother who gets girls approachin him & sayin how gorgeous he is with his Zayne 1D stylin.. My self-esteem is fragile as it is without this s*** thrown in my face .

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## Paula

Then don't go ......

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## SA89

> Then don't go ......


I don't usually.. I've only been out about 4 times this year. Alcohols best avoided with depression, problem is depression doesn't go away & I can't be a hermit all my life. I've noticed a little simple cycle with my depression, the key is to try & sustain a positive movement  > 

Pro-activity towards insecurities = Better mood = More positive social interactions
In-activity towards insecurities = Bad mood = Worse social interactions

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## Paula

Do you have any hobbies or interests that could get you socialising with like minded people?

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## Angie

How about bowling? or sports or going to the gym where you can meet people ?

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## Suzi

You don't have to go out to clubs to meet people. What about something like amateur dramatics? Even if you don't like acting, there are always stage hand jobs or something? Do you sing? What about a choir? What about sports?

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## rose

Did you say people ask you to go out with them? If so, why don't you go?

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## SA89

Well I'm gonna do some more voluntary at another mental health service as a project support worker. I've asked someone out for a drink on facebook to which she said 'ye maybe' but she doesn't talk on the phone so I don't know how I would meet her :\.. My anxiety is really bad right now, nothing good ever happens to me. I'm extremely insecure & worry about the worst outcome because the worst is 'norm' for me  :(think): ..

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## Amaya

If that's how you feel, but you still managed to ask the question.. then you are actually doing pretty well at social interaction even if you don't feel like it. And whether any one person responds how you would like or not, at least the people you would want in your life will respond at some point.

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## rose

Well done for asking her out, even though you feel anxious about things, and well done for sorting the voluntary work.

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## Paula

To me, that's really positive! Well done  :):

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## Suzi

I think it sounds positive too!!

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## SA89

Thanks lol. I'm curious though (not in that way  :(blush): ), aren't we supposed to love ourselves 1st before we can be loved by others?. Or add value to ourselves 1st?. I ask because I lack self-worth & I'm aware that true love with thyself is of upmost priority.

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## Paula

Sometimes, the right person can teach you to love yourself

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Suzi (12-05-15)

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## SA89

> Sometimes, the right person can teach you to love yourself


U may be right Paula. We're havin positive chats on fb but she refuses to talk on the phone because she's shy so I'm not sure how I can meet her. She would prob feel awkward if we just met without talkin & back-out. I've been there & got the t-shirt.. I'm also aware that other men will be chasin her, women are like hot cakes, they're only on the market for so long  :S: .

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## rose

Only 'on the market' so long?!!
I am quite shy about talking on the phone, but ok in person, so maybe she will be the same. You are chatting on fb, is that where you met?

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## Suzi

Talk to her more on fb and see where it leads!

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## SA89

> Only 'on the market' so long?!!
> I am quite shy about talking on the phone, but ok in person, so maybe she will be the same. You are chatting on fb, is that where you met?


talkin by voice I meant rose & ye a lot of people are uncomfortable talkin to a stranger by phone, I see it as an ice-breaker though. I'm not sure how people meet through just text speak?. And Suzi I've had reasonably lengthy chats with her, I'm scared i'll come across as a stalker if I chat too much on facebook, I don't know if theres a limit.

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## Paula

> .. I'm also aware that other men will be chasin her, women are like hot cakes, they're only on the market for so long .


Really? We're not cattle, and do remember that she will see who she wants to see, regardless of who is 'chasing her'.

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## rose

I have met people in RL that I met online and didn't chat on the phone beforehand.

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## SA89

well its not happenin anyway, nothin new there. I left it a day without textin on facebook & asked her earlier whats she doin on weekend. No response. She's even 'seen' it. I met my brothers gf mate today & she said she liked my t-shirt but was very shy & left without givin me her facebook. I'd rather people just be up-front, can't be doin with all this 'actin coy' business..

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## rose

Only a day? Give her a chance!
And the other girl really might have been shy! Just because she liked your t-shirt, it doesn't mean she has to be your mate on facebook!
Sometimes I wonder about how you perceive other people, you seem to be quite angry and think everyone is messing you around.

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## SA89

> Only a day? Give her a chance!
> And the other girl really might have been shy! Just because she liked your t-shirt, it doesn't mean she has to be your mate on facebook!
> Sometimes I wonder about how you perceive other people, you seem to be quite angry and think everyone is messing you around.


That shy girl has a bf anyway & she was starin at me awkward when I asked her about college etc. I can't help my awkward demeanor, its just not in line with the 'cool kids' who love to smoke pot & twerk to reggae dance. I'm into beatles for instance, doesn't really gel  :^): . My hooded thug tattooed brother is perfect for them because younger girls love a man with 'swag'. A thug makes them feel protected. I'm always told i'm 'a good lad', unfortunately its got me nowhere..

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## Paula

Then why we're expecting her to give you her fb details when she has a boyfriend? And I agree with Rose, you seem to think the world's against you.  I wonder whether it's that anger that puts women off, not your height

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## rose

You are 25. You can listen to the Beatles, to Reggae, to Classic FM if you want, you don't need to worry about being 'cool', stop worrying about what your teenage brother is up to, or trying to flirt with his teenage female friends, who really are too young for you! When I was 18, my mate's boyfriend's 25 year old brother wouldn't have even known I existed, let alone been trying to add me on facebook. Not all girls are relentless teases, in fact very few of them are. Please concentrate on trying to build your own social group and getting yourself a job so you can move out of home and make your own life.

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## SA89

> Then why we're expecting her to give you her fb details when she has a boyfriend? And I agree with Rose, you seem to think the world's against you.  I wonder whether it's that anger that puts women off, not your height


That was before I knew. She has about a million facebook likes, a loser like myself doesn't stand a chance with such royalty. I'm never angry to any1, I just vent on here thats all. Surely u can understand how frustrating it is never havin a relationship or friends even. Its much different for u women because u have options presented to u where as men compete like rabid dogs. 

Ur perception differs greatly. I'm tryin to develop myself instead of thinkin about women but its really challengin. I'm aware how un-healthy it is to have these desires play on my mind (porn doesn't help either). Thats why I'm tryin to channel that energy into more creative means like my voluntary for instance.

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## Suzi

Erm, porn isn't going to help you to not feel lonely, or to help you feel better about yourself though.

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## SA89

> stop worrying about what your teenage brother is up to


its hard rose when he swans around the house half naked with his beautiful gf blaring his s***** grime actin the 'bad man'. He smokes weed 24/7, there's no escapin him. Oh & his gf loves to remind him & every1 how 'sexy' he is  :(: ..

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## Suzi

I think that his GF needs her head read! 

Look love. To put it bluntly if you are going to continually compare yourself to everyone else you are going to come off badly - either because you think you are better than they are or that they are better than you - either isn't particularly attractive. If you want to have a relationship then that's fine, but you have to push past all your comfort zones and get out there and meet different people. If you want to meet a young lady who is different to those your brother appears to be attracting then get out to different places than he would frequent..

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## Paula

> its hard rose when he swans around the house half naked with his beautiful gf blaring his s***** grime actin the 'bad man'. He smokes weed 24/7, there's no escapin him. Oh & his gf loves to remind him & every1 how 'sexy' he is ..


While it's no excuse, they're both teenagers and it's a known fact that teenagers, particularly boys, are usually idiots.

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## SA89

> I think that his GF needs her head read! 
> 
> Look love. To put it bluntly if you are going to continually compare yourself to everyone else you are going to come off badly - either because you think you are better than they are or that they are better than you - either isn't particularly attractive. If you want to have a relationship then that's fine, but you have to push past all your comfort zones and get out there and meet different people. If you want to meet a young lady who is different to those your brother appears to be attracting then get out to different places than he would frequent..


What p**** me off suzi is that my mum constantly defends & lies for this scumbag. Ur right I need relief from this toxic environment, I've said before that college is where I've met like-minded people, unfortunately with the tories still in power tuition fees aren't gettin any lower.

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## rose

Well, sod the tories, they are here to stay for a bit longer so you should do what you want to do!

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## Suzi

Then do what I had to, get a job and loans  :O:  Hunni, what about training on the job kind of jobs?

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## SA89

I need to explore my interests more suzi & well said rose!. I'm sick of feelin kinda 'hopeful' 1 day then the next feelin completely demoralised. This week iv been rejected off so many women. 1 even invited me round for a takeaway & then all of a sudden said she 'has to fly to wales tomorrow to see her ill grandparents'. And now I've ran out of citalopram until I order. *Sigh* some1 just plz put me out of my misery  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Why have you not sorted your prescription? That's not going to help at all... 
In what way have you, 


> been rejected off so many women


 How many and in what way have you been rejected? 
Are you sure that she didn't have to get to Wales to see ill grandparents?

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Paula (16-05-15)

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## rose

Are you meeting these girls online? If so, you should NEVER go to their house as a first meet. Always meet in a public place.

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## SA89

> Why have you not sorted your prescription? That's not going to help at all... 
> In what way have you,  How many and in what way have you been rejected? 
> Are you sure that she didn't have to get to Wales to see ill grandparents? [/COLOR]


I swear this week I think I've broken the record for the most rejections ever!  :(blush): . Facebook, POF etc. I think that 1 was a legitimate reason for turnin me down. Others though like 1 girl I was on the phone to was very abrupt & said 'no I'm in bed, u dnt where I live anyway.. BYE'. This was after she agreed to see me on facebook & sounded cool. She looked a bit rough from her pics (like she was on drugs) so I was kinda wary of that. Just really weird.. 



> Are you meeting these girls online? If so, you should NEVER go to their house as a first meet. Always meet in a public place.


The latter girl wanted me to go hers then walk mine, it was an unknown area. I think the lesson here is to not let personal desires cloud ur judgement..

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## Paula

My friend has been on POF on and off for a few years. Believe me, this iss exactly the same sort of thing she's experienced. You're not alone in that. She's decided not to use POF again, and if she does go on a dating site, it'll be one you pay for as that weeds out the chaff itms

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## Suzi

You sound like you are just asking any female you come into contact with! You really do need to try to see women as people, not as objects...

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Angie (16-05-15),Paula (16-05-15)

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## SA89

> You sound like you are just asking any female you come into contact with! You really do need to try to see women as people, not as objects...


I'll hold my hands up, this week I acted that way with the latter girl out of pure desperation. Every other girl though I've spoken to I've asked them about their studyin, family life etc. All i've ever been is respectful & understanding to people, what more can I do!. U may assume that based on ur perception but not all men are game-players, if anythin the 'game' revolves around the woman because we're the chasers.

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## Suzi

I think that maybe you should focus on getting you better, before you are too busy "playing the game"...

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## Paula

I've not assumed all men are game players, ever. I was raised by a gentleman, and am married to a gentleman. My 17 yo daughter has a lot of male friends, who will always ensure the girls in their group are walked home, and treat them with respect. The one constant with these men, young or old, is that they don't objectify the women they meet

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## SA89

If I was all these things ur makin out would I have had a deep conversation with a girl about her spine disorder? or waited in a guys dingy flat till the early hours with my cousin to ensure her safety?. My brothers gf says I'm like her big brother because she feels safe around me. Just because I lack the confidence of those men paula doesnt mean I think with my d***. I genuinely care & want a soulmate

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## Suzi

We aren't making out that you are anything lovely, we are just saying that not all men are as your portray them. Not all women are game players either.. You will find someone, but you do need to work on getting you and your Mum safe from your brother and getting yourself a job that you like and working on your own self esteem. 
I am quite sure that you are one of the "good guys", but sometimes you come across quite sleazy in your attitude towards women and young men your age... I know it's hard, but try not to judge by your brother and his gf....

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## SA89

Are we free to post on here as much as we like?. I know its ur duty of care as administrators but I'm still wary that u must be sick of listening to peoples issues. I try to articulate my struggles as best I can because I know theres people out there who are exactly like me. My mums friend said the reason im like this is because I'm stuck in my room watchin porn lol  :(blush): .. I've gotta wait till Thurs now to get my citalopram which is annoyin because its like I'm startin again after a full week out my system..

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## purplefan

Hi SA89 you are free to post how you feel without offending or using obscene language that would offend people. I have had experience of citalopram and it is not an over night cure. You have to be patient and work with your Doctors. i would not watch porn as it can have a detrimental affect on how you think. There are a lot of people on here who can help you but you have to stop generalizing. As suzi said "You will find someone" but i think you need to focus on YOu first.

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Suzi (19-05-15)

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## Angie

> Are we free to post on here as much as we like?. I know its ur duty of care as administrators but I'm still wary that u must be sick of listening to peoples issues. I try to articulate my struggles as best I can because I know theres people out there who are exactly like me. My mums friend said the reason im like this is because I'm stuck in my room watchin porn lol .. I've gotta wait till Thurs now to get my citalopram which is annoyin because its like I'm startin again after a full week out my system..


You are free to post as much as you like, and it's not our duty to post or listen, we post and listen and do our best to support each and every member here because we care and we want to.

As for your mum's friend how on eath do they know what you do in the privacy of your own room? which is your choice.
You really do have to order your repeat prescriptions so that you get them before you run out

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Paula (18-05-15),Suzi (19-05-15)

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## SA89

I'm just in a toxic environment at the moment guys with my brother. I swear I'm gonna end up snappin & t****** this b******. I don't know how to fight so I'm not sure how it would go. Probably end with him pullin out the kitchen knife like last time..

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## rose

I think you need a very frank and honest chat with your mum about what you both agree is acceptable from your brother and what is not. He might be 18 but only just, he is a child really, he needs some very firm parenting and guidance. 
If you are afraid of him and he continues to misbehave then maybe he needs to move out.

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## SA89

> I think you need a very frank and honest chat with your mum about what you both agree is acceptable from your brother and what is not. He might be 18 but only just, he is a child really, he needs some very firm parenting and guidance. 
> If you are afraid of him and he continues to misbehave then maybe he needs to move out.


Its sad really that as a 25 yr old man, a teenager angers me this much. I need to really focus on myself as u guys have suggested because I'm riddled with so much insecurities. I don't love myself at all, why should I if I've never experienced love in any form, not even true family love. 
My mums no use rose (shes also called rose  :(nod): ), every1 panders towards him & gives this vile abusive piece of s*** the attention he wants. For some reason people EVEN like him, what f***** planet am I acrually on here!?  :^): ..

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## Suzi

Several things:
1) Yes you can post for free as much as you feel you want/need to.
2) No one is under any "duty" to read or reply to any thread or post. The only person who has read (and generally replied to) every post is me. 
3) Anyone who feels that it's ok to pull a knife out on anyone needs to be reported to the police and so they can get the help they need.
4) Porn is generally not a good thing to do. It's not going to help you with loneliness at all. 
5) You need to sort something out regarding your meds. Most pharmacies will sort a repeat prescription service hun, so really there is no reason that you should be running out - especially with a weeks break. That isn't ever going to help you at all...

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## SA89

> Several things:
> 1) Yes you can post for free as much as you feel you want/need to.
> 2) No one is under any "duty" to read or reply to any thread or post. The only person who has read (and generally replied to) every post is me. 
> 3) Anyone who feels that it's ok to pull a knife out on anyone needs to be reported to the police and so they can get the help they need.
> 4) Porn is generally not a good thing to do. It's not going to help you with loneliness at all. 
> 5) You need to sort something out regarding your meds. Most pharmacies will sort a repeat prescription service hun, so really there is no reason that you should be running out - especially with a weeks break. That isn't ever going to help you at all...


Ur like a cyber mother on here suzi lol. My mum picked my prescription up today, I ran out last thurs. I really admire how supportive people are on here, I don't know if all depression sites r this way but I appreciate this sites community. I only watch porn every other day otherwise it hurts & I don't want my balls to turn purple. When its 'porn' day though I can't go about my day until I've released those lustful thoughts. Its like a drug in that sense in how u need to have that fix..

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## rose

This is just my opinion, I have never been a 25 year old man, but I don't think that wanting to pleasure yourself every day is all that unusual! You're a young man in his prime... sounds kind of normal to me!!!

WRT your brother I can only really suggest two things
1) Everyone around you is blind to how he is
2) He isn't as bad as you think he is
Which do you think it is?

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## SA89

People only speak to me when they want somethin. I'm sick of this workplace man, I just can't relate to the majority at all. I can't be myself around these 'cliques', I'm percieved as some socially awkward alien.. I can't even get 1 friend to hang out with.. They brag about how 'fit their birds are' & flash their bulgin biceps. I could have a reasonably hopeful week yet when I step foot in this slavepit my self-esteem & what little value I have of myself shoots right back down. And rose, i'd say thyre 'somewhat blind'.

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## Paula

I do find it hard to believe they're all like that. Tbh, there's not that many men with bulging biceps other than in a film, if nothing else .....

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## SA89

theyre all nice people but I just don't fit in, its hard to explain, this is why I hate text speak because I can't accurately convey my frustrations. Like iv said before its like bein at a party where ur not invited, every single week for over 5 years.. I get on with the quieter 1s just fine, I'm really confident around them, like u would never tell that I have social anxiety. Around the more assured personalaties I freeze up, my heart races & depression sinks in again. I feel inferior to them because of their high social lives. Fast food is a highly sociable environment, it doesn't gel with my awkwardness at all..

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## Paula

:(bear):

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## Suzi

If you don't like text speak then why use it? 
Are you still trying to find something different?

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Paula (30-05-15)

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## SA89

I feel ugly & unloved regardless whether I do somethin new. I hate my pelican nose, my skinny frame & my hobbit height. I've already began my new voluntary admin & already im thinkin 'why.. why am I doin this..'. I envy guys at work that have gfs, I've been single & insecure since childbirth. My brothers gf is f***** annoyin as well, shoutin round the house how she has c** stained in her knickers  :^): ..

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## mitz

maybe you could be a bit more thoughtful about what other people might want to read, your last post was really distasteful, and if you really need to say things like that you could do it more privately.

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## mitz

and if your home life is so dysfunctional you are a grown up - take responsibility and move.

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## Paula

> I feel ugly & unloved regardless whether I do somethin new. I hate my pelican nose, my skinny frame & my hobbit height. I've already began my new voluntary admin & already im thinkin 'why.. why am I doin this..'. I envy guys at work that have gfs, I've been single & insecure since childbirth. My brothers gf is f***** annoyin as well, shoutin round the house how she has c** stained in her knickers ..


You have been reminded on several occasions about your offensive posts.  You may have 'starred' some letters out but that does not take away the meaning behind your words. It's disgusting and completely unacceptable.

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## Suzi

SA89 Your use of asterisks is not acceptable or is the language you use. You have been warned on many occasions. This is your last warning before I take further action. You are not here as a given right, and I will not have such disgusting use of such misogynistic phrases or such demeaning comments any more. I am also sending this message to you as a PM. I will ban you if you ignore me again.

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## SA89

> SA89 Your use of asterisks is not acceptable or is the language you use. You have been warned on many occasions. This is your last warning before I take further action. You are not here as a given right, and I will not have such disgusting use of such misogynistic phrases or such demeaning comments any more. I am also sending this message to you as a PM. I will ban you if you ignore me again.


Sorry, I thought blankin swearin was ok compared to spacin it out, I wasn't aware swearing was forbidden full stop. In my last post I quoted my brothers gf for a reason, I'm as disgusted as u are with what she said. How is that misogynistic when I was quotin her?. U warned me before about apparently being demeanin & I've been respectable ever since. How did I ignore ur warnings if I took all that on board? u guys even thanked me for doin so!  :(blush): .

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## Suzi

You did, but then you slipped back into text speak. I don't think that it's just the swearing, it's the tone of your posts - the aggression, the way that you are using phrases which are just not appropriate.

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## Nita

I think perhaps rather than discussing things in detail - ie what your brothers girlfriend was saying - you could just say that she was being disgusting or offensive rather than sharing those words with us as sometimes its not necessary to have the words as exactly they are said.

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## rose

I think you really need to sort out your situation; get a full-time job and get your own place away from your brother.
Your brother's girlfriend sounds pretty gross. Pretty much every post I hear your frustration about your living situation, I really think if you can fix that you'll feel loads better.

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## SA89

everythin is centred around my social life frustrations rose, If I moved out i'd be even more lonely away from my mum.. I've felt anxious since childbirth (bein alone on school breaks etc..). Every1 around me keeps tellin me 'u need a girl in ur life, wen r u gettin a gf, what u gonna do with ur life..'. I'm sick of it  :(think): ..

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## Samantha340

I don't think a girlfriend is the answer to your problems. You need to change. As said before, move out. Away from your brother. Get your own place. Go and see your mother once a day if you are really close, invite her to your new place. Join a club to build your social life. Be respectful to new made contacts, watch your language, the way you are saying things is important. You don't want to come across as arrogant. Take responsibility for your own life. If your brother is happy with his girlfriend let him be, his choice. It should not effect your life.

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rose (31-05-15),Suzi (31-05-15)

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## Suzi

Then join clubs there are normally loads which may at first not be your ideal, but join them to meet people and have a good time. Choirs, book groups, sports teams, volunteer at things, running clubs etc etc etc

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## Paula

I understand being close to your mum. I'm 41 and my mum and I are best friends.  I've always turned to her straight off for help and support. However, one year ago my mum and dad moved 7 hours drive away to Northumberland.  I was devastated, as a lot of people here will attest to. My husband, however, was convinced it'd be good for me, that I was too reliant on her. One year on, and I can see he was right.  We're still close, and speak to each other a lot, but I've managed without her, have become much more self sufficient and, though I still wish they hadn't moved, I've survived! 

You might surprise yourself how you cope without her, after all it's what we're supposed to do - leave and make our own lives

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## SA89

I wish I was never born. All my life I've been a passenger to every1 elses happiness. Its easier for people who have friends or a relationship because they have a support system. Loners don't have that reassurance to keep them goin.. I've looked after the house often while my mum was away & I didn't like bein completely alone at all. I have so much hatred towards my 'brother' but that doesn't mean I wanna move. Most people in this needy society would not be able to cope without friends, affection. I've been strugglin without that ALL MY LIFE, & people wonder why I'm the way I am (timid & vulnerable). These socialites would be exactly the same if their needs of love weren't bein met  :(: ..

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## Suzi

If you are feeling genuinely like you wish that you hadn't been born then you need an urgent review by your Dr and to push for more help. If you are in any danger of hurting yourself or others then please get to the nearest A+E department, call the samaritans or crisis line..

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## rose

I think you think everyone else is having a great time, socialising, meeting people, but its not the case I assure you.

Several pages ago you said you have trouble at work tying knots and you need help with that. Do you mind me asking, are you actually able to work full-time, what qualifications did you get at school?

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## SA89

ye I'm perfectly capable to work, just jobs r scarce so I'm stuck in fast food for now. I get about £130 a week with that & my universal credit. I got pretty bad grades (lots of E's & F's), I'm bad at everythin apart from English & IT (C&D). U can tell just from my posts that I have quite the vocabulary  :O: . I'm prob dispraxic with my shoelaces, swimmin etc. And Suzi I've asked my GP countless times for a proper diagnosis, he says the same thing everytime; that its social anxiety stemmin from shyness when young & my 'medium level' depression is a result of that  :(think): .

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## Suzi

Then you need to ask for more help - maybe a referral to the CMHT if you are thinking such dark thoughts.

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## SA89

Tonight was really weird, I was invited around some girls house who I literally just spoke to for the 1st time 2day on facebook. Anyway when I met her she was on the phone all night to various men pesterin them to visit her. I was sat at her table in disbelief while her & her friend chatted away on the phone for hours to random guys. Like why even invite me in the 1st place?. I seriously don't get the thinkin behind some people. I spent £10.00 taxi fair in total there & back as well  :(blush): ..

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## matt

That must of been awkward i would of thought of a excuse to leave lol. I guess there just after attention from guys seeing as there inviting guys over the same day they first talk to them...

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## Suzi

That is weird!

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## Paula

That is odd. Why did you go?

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## rose

Never EVER go to someone's house if you don't know them, its really really dangerous, it could have been a man, you could have been mugged, all sorts could've happened. The worst that happened this time is that your pride was dented. Be careful!!!!

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Suzi (20-06-15)

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## Suzi

Rose is right. You HAVE to think about protecting yourself.

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## SA89

> That is odd. Why did you go?


I'll be honest she was flirtin with me on the phone so I thought she seemed like a nice girl..



> Never EVER go to someone's house if you don't know them, its really really dangerous, it could have been a man, you could have been mugged, all sorts could've happened. The worst that happened this time is that your pride was dented. Be careful!!!!


I spoke to her prior to ease some of the risk. Her & her friend who was rather overweight were really loud & bolshy, bragging how they like black men & dancing to reggae dance. They asked me why I was so quiet as I sipped my can of fruit cider like an abandoned child in the corner. This is why I have a perception of women because I've had so many disappointing experiences like this..

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## rose

Of course it was disappointing, a random girl you didn't know invited you to her house. Have more respect for yourself and please don't put yourself in such danger again!!

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## SA89

> Of course it was disappointing, a random girl you didn't know invited you to her house. Have more respect for yourself and please don't put yourself in such danger again!!


I'll be honest rose its all do with lust. The slightest bit of interest someone shows in me I feel I have to grab it with both hands. Getting a girl is like the lottery with my anxiety. She weren't even that fit either but beggars can't be choosers as they say..

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## Samantha340

> she weren't even that fit either but beggars can't be choosers as they say..


 With this attitude you never will. I could say much more here but its not worth the energy. Seems like nothing will change regarding that topic.

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Suzi (25-06-15)

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## rose

Of course it was lust. But following your dick is going to get you into trouble. There are people out there who specialise in luring people to their houses in order to rob them, or worse. If it seems too good to be true....it is. I feel like no one has spent time educating you about the world. I hope that doesn't sound harsh.

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Suzi (25-06-15)

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## Paula

Decent girls (and they're out there) do not flirt with someone on the phone and then get them to come to their house so you must have known what type of situation you were going into.  The fact is you have no respect for women. And no respect for yourself.  Until those change you're never going to be in a relationship, because no decent girl is going to be interested.

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Suzi (25-06-15)

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## Suzi

> I'll be honest rose its all do with lust. The slightest bit of interest someone shows in me I feel I have to grab it with both hands.


If you just want sex then go and pay for a prostitute. 



> Getting a girl is like the lottery with my anxiety.


Nope, not down to your anxiety. It's down to you not going out and not having respect for yourself or for the females you encounter. 



> She weren't even that fit either but beggars can't be choosers as they say..


That's a HORRIBLE comment. I can tell you that I am no where near "fit" but I'm much too good for someone with that attitude.

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Paula (25-06-15),Samantha340 (25-06-15)

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## SA89

> If you just want sex then go and pay for a prostitute. 
> 
> Nope, not down to your anxiety. It's down to you not going out and not having respect for yourself or for the females you encounter. 
> 
> That's a HORRIBLE comment. I can tell you that I am no where near "fit" but I'm much too good for someone with that attitude.


I told her that she seems like a good mum & asked her lots of questions how she copes funding thm etc. I gave her a lot of respect despite being blanked by her & her friend all night. I even said thanks for the drink & clearly told her I'm not after 1 thing.  U'll be surprised to see how respectful I actually am, I'm just really fed up with never havin a gf. I'm in a desperate situation with this loneliness & havin no friends..

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## Samantha340

Your politeness does not always come across here which leaves me wondering what impression you leave in behind in real life.
Also, sometimes over politeness can came across as fake.

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## rose

Was the child in the house when you were there?

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## Suzi

The others are right, here you tend to come across as someone who is only after one thing and who just doesn't seem to respect anyone, hates everyone - especially if they are in a relationship. You come across as someone who believes that they are better than everyone else, with a chip on your shoulder and actually quite obnoxious at times. 
I am quite sure that you are none of the above in person, but I do wonder whether we see the "real you" or if you are completely opposite...

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## SA89

> Was the child in the house when you were there?


ye 3 kids in tow, I felt sorry for them because their mother was clearly struggling. Her friend was dancin & swingin 1 of them round in its carriage-thingy, poor mite must have felt dizzy.. 



> The others are right, here you tend to come across as someone who is only after one thing and who just doesn't seem to respect anyone, hates everyone - especially if they are in a relationship. You come across as someone who believes that they are better than everyone else, with a chip on your shoulder and actually quite obnoxious at times. 
> I am quite sure that you are none of the above in person, but I do wonder whether we see the "real you" or if you are completely opposite...


I can't prove that suzi because here we're all anonymous. All i'll say is that i'm really awkward, some say mr bean like at times. I struggle to express or feel any emotion which can be percieved as rude but actually its to do with my anxiety. And samantha thats because I'm tryin to fit in & find lastin friends. I never laugh out loud because I'm anxious of how false it sounds, same with singin around acquaintances..

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## Samantha340

What are you actively doing to meet new friends?

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## rose

I just want to recap here.
You met a girl on facebook and spoke to her once and then went to her house.
She met you on facebook, spoke to you once, and then invited you to her house, the house which also contained her three young children.

How would you feel if you had a child with someone and the mother invited a complete stranger to her house while your child was there?
That's absolutely disgraceful on the part of the mother, very dangerous indeed.

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## Suzi

That is not something that I would ever consider safe for you, for the mother or for those children who must be really confused as to who everyone is... Shocking behaviour...

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## SA89

> What are you actively doing to meet new friends?


Nothin. Today I worked really hard cleaning on a night shift & I thought to myself "Why?.." I have no bond with any of my colleagues & I've no one to share my hard earned money with. My mum is my only friend who is waitin for me after a gruelling shift. It hurts so much seein people frolick together in the sun & goin on holidays. Everythin seems pointless without friends, loved 1s  :(: ..

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## Samantha340

> Nothin.


You need to change this if you want to meet knew people.

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## Paula

Why nothing?

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## Suzi

Sweetheart you aren't going to make new friends if you don't do things to find them....

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## SA89

I struggle to engage with people, I feel trapped & conflicted by my depression & social anxiety.. Even if I found them I'd freeze. My mums tryin to get some of the family out for my birthday nxt week but that means my brother & his gf will be there who I both hate. They're so self-absorbed & obsessed with weed. My brother is an aggressive thug who thinks makin silly noises non-stop is funny  :(think): ..

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## Paula

I have depression and social anxiety.  I've forced myself to engage with people since my illness started 25 years ago - it's tough but it can be done, and gets easier as time goes on (most of the time). 

Wrt your birthday party, if others in your family are there hopefully they'll 'dilute' your brother itms. I thought you liked his girlfriend as she was nice to you?

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## Suzi

Do you want to do something to celebrate your birthday?
I really do think that someone is going to have to do something about your brother!

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## SA89

I've not celebrated it before so its just another day to me.. Just by me sayin that u can gather an idea how emotionally damaged I am, years & years of loneliness does that to u. My birthday is just another reminder how sad my life is. I'm soon to be 26 & I've missed out on so much.. I can't let go of all those wasted years being a recluse..

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## Suzi

But you aren't doing much to change that are you?

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## rose

Did you not have friends at school?

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## SA89

> But you aren't doing much to change that are you?


I don't know how to suzi. How does any1 go from a hermit all their life to a valued member of society. People keep sayin "Ur time will come", thats bs because my time is long overdue  :(think): . How can I love myself if I've got nothin to live for..



> Did you not have friends at school?


2 but they've moved on to happy families..

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## Samantha340

You find something which interest you. If there is nothing, then force yourself to do something. Have a look around, search the internet, sport club, photography, social projects, game groups, cooking.... There is so much available, even shy people meet ups. But it you who has to do it. Just sitting there and saying "I can't" doesn't get you anywhere.  Try it and stick with it for a few weeks to see if you like it.

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## Suzi

Samantha is right. You find something which interests you and go for it!

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## SA89

I went to a few clubs today in Manchester with my family & got leathered off 4 cocktails. I was up dancin all night showin some confidence but I still couldn't attract any girl. I'm not a bad lookin guy & my hearts in the right place but I've never had a gf. It gets me down because its so frustrating. I agree Samantha & I like the thinking of doing somethin regardleess of how u feel, goin to clubs though makes me feel worse  :S: .

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## Paula

Then don't go to clubs. They're meat markets. Clubbing doesn't really qualify as finding interests ......

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## Samantha340

Never said you should go to (dance) clubs. I suggested join a sports club. It's known that exercise boost your confidence, energy level and is good for people with depression.

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## rose

Did you speak to any girls at the nightclub?

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## Suzi

Dear goodness, I hated clubbing! 
What things do you enjoy?

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## SA89

at my cousins 21st today each time I spoke I was put down. I was told 'i'll never get p****' (cat reference) & people were laughin at me sayin I watch porn in my room. Each time I gave my input some girl told me 'no one cares what I think'. This is why I hate these gatherings because people go on at me about how I need to come out my shell. I know my life sucks but people just love to remind me  :(blush): ..

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## Samantha340

I know there are strange people in the world, however, I have never heard of behaviour like this. You say you are a nice person, why would someone give you a response like this? People fool around and make fun of each other. But this doesn't seem the case. Did something happen in the past why people react to you in this way? I would say, stay away from them. Go away, start a new life where nobody knows you! Even at a age of 21, people are normally more respectful.

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rose (09-07-15)

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## Paula

I think there's 2 potential reasons behind this, either you have some awful people in your life, or you aren't acting like the sort of person you tell us in real life (and talk like you talk here). Tbh, most people are decent so I don't understand how you surround yourself with people who aren't.

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## rose

I think someone would have to be a seriously horrible person to have that stuff said to them by anyone nice. I can only assume that everyone you associate yourself with is incredibly spiteful and nasty. I agree with Sam; get away from there and never look back.

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## Suzi

It does sound like you are surrounded by horrible, rude and abusive people all around you - be it at home, work or social situations...

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## SA89

It was 1 particular girl callin me weird, it was basically a girl who shared my bed a while back (nothin happened). I was being civil with her & she said "R u tryin to get in with me? Ur not my type". I replied "Don't flatter urself love ur not my type either!". In regards to comin out my shell, well I get these comments from every1. My auntie loves to tell me that I need to sort my life out. I only went round for the buffet tryin to mind my own business  :(think): ..

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## rose

For goodness sakes get away from these people. I wonder if you've ever been in polite society!

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## Suzi

Do you have anyone in any part of your life who doesn't treat you badly?

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## SA89

> Do you have anyone in any part of your life who doesn't treat you badly?


my mum.. the rest of my family aren't necessarily bad to me, they just want me to be independent. They tell me to 'get out of that bloody room & live life'. I just feel overwhelmed on how to go about changing my life.

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## Samantha340

Do you want to move out?

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## Suzi

Get out there, meet new people and change the people in your life..

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## SA89

ur right suzi, there comes a time where u just have to say 'this ain't workin'. Unfortunately I can't quit my job because i'd lose £80 from my £130 total weekly income. I ain't ready to move out. Another thing is that because I'm so anti-social that I'm playin catch-up with every1 else who hv been socialisin for years. It could take years & years until I'm socially successful  :(blush): .

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## Paula

One thing at a time then. A lot of friends are made at work, so perhaps changing jobs could deal with your dislike for your job, and help you begin to socialise?

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## rose

You don't need to be sociable to get another job. You need to be working more than 1-2 days a week. Perhaps you could sign up with a temp agency and get some experience of working in offices?

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## Suzi

I completely agree. You could be doing something very different, but you need to find your way out of your job...

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## SA89

Its really frustrating not being able to express urself around even nice people. Have u ladies ever felt like that?. I just wanna be free & explore my personality but i'm trapped inside for watever reason. I haven't progressed socially & I've made no progress skill-wise in 6 yrs at work..

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## Suzi

Maybe because you aren't working enough hours or in the right job to be able to be "part of the team" so to speak...

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## SA89

'Everybodys changing & I don't feel the same' that song by Keane really reasonates. My house was full of couples today kissing, laughing at my awkward mannerisms. I'm desperate to have that love with another girl. They were sayin how I should be a utuber because I make thm laugh. Thats how pathetic I am. People will forever overlook as some1 who makes thm giggle through my demeanor. I'm just a joke who still can't tie his shoelaces  :(think): ..

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## Samantha340

Are you sure they laughing at you? I know that feeling when you think everybody talks about you, makes fun of you, but in reality that's not the  case.

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## Suzi

Then you need to do something to change it lovely. You CAN do this, but only YOU can....

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## SA89

I feel like my voluntary work is going nowhere, its not helping me get a job at all.. I'm turned down for every application, its making me question why I'm still doing this voluntary. The whole purpose is to get me a real job but I'm overlooked despite my admin experience..

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## Samantha340

Have you had your application / CV from a professional? I think the job centre is offering such service.

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## SA89

> Have you had your application / CV from a professional? I think the job centre is offering such service.


ye its a very well articulated CV but I don't have good experience in anythin. Just bits & pieces like Receptionist & kitchen work. I have to try & sell that as best I can but I get nowhere because they prob contact my references & find out I'm not skilled usin a database or on the tills etc. I fail at everythin. Applications, interviews, social situations, tyin knots, u name it.. And people wonder why I'm depressed  :(: ..

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## rose

I am sure you can use youtube tutorials to learn how to tie knots.
If you would like me to look over your CV, take out your name and contact details and anything else you don't want me to see, then PM it through to me.

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## Samantha340

I think you should take up the offer rose made. I have not seen her CV but judging by the amount of job interviews she gets, it must be good.

its always good to get a second opinion. Everybody is different. You might like the layout of your CV, but others might not see it as outstanding.

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## Suzi

Definitely take Rose up on that one. She knows what she's talking about!

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## Mrs-Darling

I'm going to be blunt here and say that you come across as 'entitled'. Your posts read as though you have the right to have a girlfriend because you're a 'nice guy'. You don't actually come across as the 'nice guy' if I'm being honest. Relationships don't fall into your lap, they take work- a lot of work. Most people meet their significant others either through work, friends or common interests. You've been given quite a lot of advice about how to develop your interests and work opportunities and I really hope you take the advice and offers of help up. I know it's difficult getting out there but clubbing (which you say you hate) and sites like POF (which is basically a cattle market) aren't really where you should be looking for friends. Why not join a paying website where you'll meet a better quality of match? 

I have to add that your obsession with porn isn't going to do you any favours as it's possibly distorted your view of women. I'm not suggesting this makes you a bad person, just that I don't think it'll help you in your quest to find a partner.
As you use Facebook, why not join some groups on there that interest you? I've made some really excellent friends through activism on Facebook, some of whom I'll probably never meet in real life owing to geography but some others who've become lifelong friends.

As for the women who didn't want to talk on the phone, it's not that unusual, believe me. I rarely even talk to my family on the phone never mind someone I've yet to meet! 

And lastly, it won't do you any favours to see any women you do meet as a future mate straight away. I can't speak for all women, obviously, but if I think I'm being pursued for anything other than friendship when I first meet someone it can make me beat a hasty retreat!

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Paula (17-07-15),Suzi (17-07-15)

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## SA89

I appreciate ur lengthy post Mrs Darling. I don't value myself at all, that's why I'm always in my room. I went out Sat for my birthday, had a dance, but I've no confidence to speak to women. Seeing beautiful girls all tarted up makes even more desperate & depressed. I always come home from these occasions feeling worse because people encourage me to 'enjoy myself & pull'. 

Its just not in my nature yet I desire it so much. My boss hasn't given me any shifts either this week because of new staff. I don't fit in there anyway because people dismiss anythin I have to say but still it gets me around people  :(think): ..

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## Paula

First off, 'beautiful women all tarted up' really?? That's so disrespectful. And going out to 'enjoy yourself and pull' is completely the wrong way to go about finding someone. If you want a relationship, you need to meet people outside of the cattle market. 

Again, I am very unconfortable with the way you talk about women. You keep saying you're respectful yet you have never come across that way.

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## Suzi

> Seeing beautiful girls all tarted up makes even more desperate & depressed



"Tarted up?" Really? Not a respectful way of talking about women.... 

Are you actively looking for other jobs?

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## SA89

Sorry I should have said dolled up. Clubs are a minefield for rejection tbh.. People always say to me 'try & pull' but my response is always I'm here to dance not to pull. And ye Suzi, well around 10 applications a week.

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## Mrs-Darling

> Sorry I should have said dolled up. Clubs are a minefield for rejection tbh.. People always say to me 'try & pull' but my response is always I'm here to dance not to pull. And ye Suzi, well around 10 applications a week.


"Dolled up" isn't any better, seriously. Clubs are a minefield for rejection as you say and not where you should really be looking for a potential partner. The world is a minefield for rejection, it's how you deal with it that matters. I do feel for you but your attitude towards women needs some working on, I'm afraid to say. 

Did you take up the offer from the other forum member (Paula?) to look at your CV?

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## Suzi

I also think you need to think about how you talk about women. 

Let's start at the beginning - what kind of jobs are you applying for?

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## rose

> Sorry I should have said dolled up.


Nooooo! "Dressed up" is probably the best phrase to use.

----------

Angie (21-07-15),Suzi (21-07-15)

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## SA89

> "Dolled up" isn't any better, seriously. Clubs are a minefield for rejection as you say and not where you should really be looking for a potential partner. The world is a minefield for rejection, it's how you deal with it that matters. I do feel for you but your attitude towards women needs some working on, I'm afraid to say. 
> 
> Did you take up the offer from the other forum member (Paula?) to look at your CV?


If I at least had friends I wouldn't be so desperate for a woman in my life. Its so easy to make acquaintances but I always get stuck makin plans with people. I always see people ringin each other, hangin out & it all looks seamless to them without prior arrangement. Some of these people are dry as a slice of white bread yet they have great social lives. I just don't get it at all  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Maybe you need to find a way to widen your circle of friends and do some of the calling?

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## Paula

Perhaps what you see as dry, they see as restful

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## SA89

> Let's start at the beginning - what kind of jobs are you applying for?


Admin, Receptionist, McDonalds.. I've not turned up to my voluntary for a month now because I can't get up for 11am. The poor woman comes in to train me on a thursday yet I don't even turn up. I'm always up late with my anxiety so I sleep in. I go to my paid job just fine but with voluntary I struggle to get motivated. I just hate uncertainty & I'm uncertain if i'll get paid work from the back of that. Constant rejection says otherwise  :(blush): ..

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## rose

Its probably safe to assume you have been fired from your voluntary job then.

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## Suzi

To be honest I'd find that really rude of you not to turn up. I think that you need to sort yourself out a bit love...

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## SA89

I've got a cold comin on & it feels absolutely terrible along with my depression & anxiety. I don't know if u guys have ever had a cold when majorly depressed?  :(whew): . In regards to that voluntary I emailed a lengthy apology detailin my struggles with anxiety & sleep which she appreciated. I'm on a waitin list for counseling because I'm mentally unwell & I seriously can't get through this on my own  :=(: ..

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## rose

If I am unwell, especially with a cold, it makes me feel a lot worse.
Try to see the doctor next week for a meds review as you are clearly struggling and need more help.

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## Samantha340

Ok, you need to get your life sorted. Complaining about how bad everything is and saying what you want does not get you anyway. First of all change your attitude (Boring/plain/..  people have a good life so I deserve one as well and it should be come to me by waiting is not going to happen). Go to your GP and tell them you struggle with daily life (sleep, job... ). Tell them how bad it is and you need help now. Try finding a goal to work towards (job),  what does interest you? You have to be active to get out the dark place you are in.

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## amc204

> Ok, you need to get your life sorted. Complaining about how bad everything is and saying what you want does not get you anyway. First of all change your attitude (Boring/plain/..  people have a good life so I deserve one as well and it should be come to me by waiting is not going to happen). Go to your GP and tell them you struggle with daily life (sleep, job... ). Tell them how bad it is and you need help now. Try finding a goal to work towards (job),  what does interest you? You have to be active to get out the dark place you are in.


I have to agree with Sam. I've been (and probably still am) in the mindset of complaining about how bad everything is for me and thinking I have some sort of entitlement to a good life. I'm far from sorted but I have written on here loads of times about how miserable I am for one reason or another. While it's good to let off steam, constantly recycling what you don't like and why you are down doesn't achieve anything productive.
I've probably tested the patience of quite a few people here which I'm not proud of at all because at the end of the day everyone wants to support everyone and not push them away. It's hard when you are down but you do have to find a way to keep your mind active to avoid falling into those dark places.

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Suzi (25-07-15)

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## Suzi

That's a brilliant and honest post Alex, thank you. 

SA - The others are right. You need to see your Dr. You need to tell them everything and exactly how things are for you. No point saying that you're "fine" when you clearly aren't. 
I'm impressed that you sent that email. That is much more thoughtful and much more how I think of you. You can do this, you can get through this and you can be happy - but you are the only one who can make that happen.

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## SA89

Thanks for the support, I wish I shared ur positive energy. Every1 around me seems to be full of energy, free as a bird. They're always at house parties etc. I can't shake the inadequacy of never havin a gf or even close friends.. Colleagues even made fun of my nose today, another abnormality I have.. I'm not autistic but I feel as good as. I just want to express my true authenticity but I'm trapped. If I had more energy to work with then maybe I could escape  :(think): ..

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## Samantha340

> Every1 around me seems to be full of energy, free as a bird. They're always at house parties etc.


You said it yourself, *seem*. Lots of things are different to what they are seem. Didn't you say you don't like parties? You need to figure out what you want, what you enjoy and then try finding a way to get there.

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## Suzi

Please please please do not assume that you feel "as good as" someone who is autistic. Both my husband and my son have diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Disorders and you have absolutely NO IDEA what it is like for them. 
You have no idea how other people are feeling - you say they "seem free as a bird"... But you don't know what's going on in their head or what they are trying to get away from.

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## SA89

> You said it yourself, *seem*. Lots of things are different to what they are seem. Didn't you say you don't like parties? You need to figure out what you want, what you enjoy and then try finding a way to get there.


I suppose its that they offer the opportunity to meet someone, thats what makes me envious. But ye ur right, I need to discover that value in myself somehow. Without value in urself u can't really reciprocate what anothers givin out. I asked a girl if she missed me today & she said ye which made me feel good for just a brief glimmer. But now I can't stop thinkin about this girl & its not healthy because I'm conflicted with bad self esteem for myself. This hope/self hate paradox is a viscous circle for me that keeps my depression restricted from movin towards a progressive motion (sorry for the ramble  :(blush): )..

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## SA89

> Please please please do not assume that you feel "as good as" someone who is autistic. Both my husband and my son have diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Disorders and you have absolutely NO IDEA what it is like for them. 
> You have no idea how other people are feeling - you say they "seem free as a bird"... But you don't know what's going on in their head or what they are trying to get away from.


That was wrong of me to put it like that & I'm fully aware that autism is an actual social impairment. I can relate though to a lot of their struggles because social phobia causes intense loneliness. My mum thought I was autistic at 1 point because I've displayed similiar behavior ever since I was a kid (being unusually quiet, reclusive etc). Its true that people are different behind closed doors to what's percieved, most of my peer group however seem free of social difficulties because they have a foundation of friends who they ring & go to their parties.

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## Suzi

Then you need to do something to break that and to force yourself - even "fake it till you make it" to get out, do something different and meet new people and make new friends. 

Oh and Autism is far from just "an actual social impairment"....

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selena (03-08-15)

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## SA89

I had a blood test yesterday to see if I'm anemic which may explain why I'm so fatigued. I felt really dizzy when she injected me & had to lie down in her office. Anyway i'll find out Fri.. as for the tablets I'm stickin with citalopram. My doc said I can come off them because i've tried all & its hard to tell if they work (I suppose they won't if I'm always in my room..). Counselings on a never endin waitin list as usual, so ye thats my brief update.

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## Suzi

Are you drinking enough water? 
What dose are you on for citalopram? 
What things are you doing to try to get out of your room a bit more? Or at least have more social contact?

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## SA89

> Are you drinking enough water? 
> What dose are you on for citalopram? 
> What things are you doing to try to get out of your room a bit more? Or at least have more social contact?


Even when I do socialise no ones interested in me because I've no confidence & I'm short with a pelicans nose  :(blush): .. Every night I hear my brother havin sex, it just makes my situation worse..I can live without friends if I had just 1 person who loved me for 1ce in my life.. I'm on 20mg & drink plenty of water.

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## Suzi

Then you are simply hanging out with the wrong people. Those who matter won't care about your height or your "pelican nose"....

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## selena

> Even when I do socialise no ones interested in me because I've no confidence & I'm short with a pelicans nose .. *Every night I hear my brother havin sex, it just makes my situation worse.*.I can live without friends if I had just 1 person who loved me for 1ce in my life.. I'm on 20mg & drink plenty of water.


Could you ask him  to make less rumour, as this is upsetting you. You know, sometimes it's better to say it in a direct way, and he will learn to be more delicate.

And the last, you're a special person in your own way.

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## SA89

I walked into work today & was told I wasn't needed which really hurt. I get told this a lot because of my lack of versatility. I almost started welling up not because of the money but because its the 1 time of the week I get to be around people..

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## Suzi

Why are you not as versatile as others? What is is specifically that you do?

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## selena

> I walked into work today & was told I wasn't needed which really hurt. I get told this a lot because of my lack of versatility. I almost started welling up not because of the money but because its the 1 time of the week I get to be around people..


I also prefer to work individually rather than in a team.

What are you supposed to do at your work?

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## SA89

> Why are you not as versatile as others? What is is specifically that you do?


This may sound embarrassing but its a weekend job at Burger King. I can only do production & now there's new staff in i'm even less needed. I'm not sure if u can be sacked purely through new staff comin in..



> I also prefer to work individually rather than in a team.


I know what ur sayin selena, there's a lot of divides when workin in a team & I don't like that. In a fast paced environment u don't even get a chance to know people. My voluntary office stuff is much more relaxed, I just can't find paid work in that field. Its depressing bein stuck somewhere u don't fit in..

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## Suzi

production? You mean cooking? So why couldn't you clean tables or something instead?

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## SA89

> production? You mean cooking? So why couldn't you clean tables or something instead?


ye I do cleanin as well but thats like a side job for everyone, I'm not fast enough to make orders. I'm always applyin for office jobs but I'm always rejected. The government said unemployment has gone down but its still bad in Lancashire where I'm from. Its hard to value urself without prospects. My eczema's really bad as well because I'm always stressed..

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## Angie

Is Manchester easily accessible to you? as you could register with agencies there?

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## Suzi

Why aren't you fast enough? Is it because you don't have enough experience?

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## SA89

Pretty much Suzi. Anyway off-topic I spoke to a couple girls 2day in a nightclub which is progress I guess.. 1 of them approached me & put my arms around her kissin my cheek as we chatted. It was a nice few minutes for me but then her brother came over & warned her off. It seems that when I finally do connect with some1 its all too brief & they vanish never to be seen again.. Its really frustrating, I'm 26 & have never experienced love  :(blush): ..

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## Angie

A nightclub where people have been drinking and are less inhibited probably isnt the best place to meet someone, and her brother is probably thinking who is that stranger she is with and trying to protect her, I am not saying she needs protecting from you, but if her brother doesn't know you he wont know that.

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## Suzi

Completely agree with Angie! 

Re work - are you still trying to find another job?

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## SA89

ye i'm always lookin to claim my universal credit but I go several days without lookin because I'm just tired of rejection.. I've read a few threads on people lackin emotion & its so true. Even with that girl last night I still felt empty. I can do quick smiles then they instantly fade. This is what years & years of depression does to u. There's just somethin not right at all  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

What about going back to college and studying something? What about an apprenticeship? Is there a career that you want?

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## SA89

I just failed yet another interview after payin £20 in taxi fairs there & back.. It was for Eon energy & immediately after the questions were finished they said no. She felt guilty when I said I've had no sleep & little experience to work with. All I could say was "Errr..  :(think): ' & the experience I did give was too vague. Listening to peoples enquiries on the phone at my mental health voluntary is a a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  poor answer at best. So theres my update, self esteem - still in tatters .

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## rose

Are your costs to interviews not paid back by benefits? 
I'm really sorry it didn't work out. 
Take a look at my job interview thread to practice some questions before your next interview.
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co....job+interviews

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magie06 (15-10-15),selena (02-09-15)

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## Paula

Have you thought about Suzi's suggestion about college/apprenticeship?

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## OscarGilbert

I was having similar kind of situation. Thinking that I am alone. Frustrated of my work. Then taken some anti-depressant medicines and consulted with the doctor. He told me to have positive thinkings about others and become friendly with others. Now, by applying all those formulas, I am comforting myself in front of others.

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## SA89

Hey guys just thought i'd give u a brief update. I was recently fired from my voluntary role in mental health due to my reliability. This was down to my sleepin issues as i've discussed several times here. I'm the oldest in my generation (26) from my brother & cousins yet I have no purpose. I'm ashamed of my life. All I do is sleep, I hav very little energy thanks to a combination of bad routines, bad thoughts & anti-depressants. I'm bogged down in this hopeless mentality & worthless lifestyle & iv only got myself to blame  :(doh):

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## rose

Hi SA, I was wondering how you are. I think you mentioned you hadn't been going to your voluntary job.
I think you need a plan of action to get your life on track. Have you looked into college courses?

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## Paula

I'm sorry, lovely. Rose is right, you need to get a plan. When did you last see your dr?

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## Suzi

I'm with Rose and Paula love. You do need to get some kind of direction sorted... What about college? What about apprenticeships?

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## SA89

I just feel completely hopeless with everythin.. It was weird being called to the office by my supervisor, I got to know this person for 2 years & then she dismissed me just like that. I'm still doin my other voluntary as a project support admin atm & workin p/t at Burger King. I'm surprised im not suicidal after being socially withdrawn all my life, constantly tired & hopeless. Surely being in a state of apathy for as long as I have would lead me to think of hurting myself?  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Not necessarily and be thankful that you don't have those kind of thoughts..... 

When are you going back to your Dr? Are you actively looking for jobs?

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## SA89

Ye & u know what? Its time I learned to stop feelin sorry for myself. Its ridiculous that I've been in this state for so long when there's kids in Africa dying that can still crack a smile. I can't let this tiredness rule me. My Dr would just offer me tablets iv already had because thats all hes paid for. Many of us need a purpose to get up for, to feel alive again.

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## Paula

You're right. I know it's tough when illness takes all your energy and makes you feel it's not worth the effort, but there comes a point when we have to pick ourselves up by the scruff of the neck.  I have faith in you

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## Suzi

True, but do go and talk to your Dr too hun..

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## SA89

I'm in 2 minds whether to stay on ADs. I've not taken thm last 3 days because they ran out so now I'm thinkin shall I just run without drug free & see how I go. I know u'll prob say see my doctor but he's given me all the ADs their is. There's literally nothin more he can do but repeat himself (ring these people for an assessment bla bla bla). I've been depressed for years but its moderate & these drugs have hardly helped my lifestyle..

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## S deleted

I highly doubt you have tried every possible AD or combination and stopping your meds without speaking to your GP is is foolish. Go see him/her and tell them how your feeling. They can't help you if you don't ask

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## rose

What were you taking, what dose? Just out of curiosity?

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## Paula

Just stopping can make you feel a whole lot worse. If you want to come off them, you should do it with your GPs support

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## Suzi

You've tried everything? No amount of medication is going to get you out and about and up out of bed looking for jobs, going to your voluntary place etc... That, unfortunately, needs to come from you.

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## SA89

I've gone 4 days without already & I don't feel any different tbh, prob because I'm asleep all day to even notice. My mind def feels a bit more free though. I was on Citalopram 20mg which I've got right here on me. I tried them all; Mitazipine, Fluxotine, Setraline & at various doses. He even said himself that with moderate depression they're the only 1s he can give me.

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## Hugo-agogo

Hi SA19, I hope you will keep consulting with your GP, as maybe counselling might be more helpful? But there is also coming off meds, which can be helped with supplements like 5-HTP and fish oil, if you are sure about it.

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## Suzi

> I've gone 4 days without already & I don't feel any different tbh, prob because I'm asleep all day to even notice. My mind def feels a bit more free though. I was on Citalopram 20mg which I've got right here on me. I tried them all; Mitazipine, Fluxotine, Setraline & at various doses. He even said himself that with moderate depression they're the only 1s he can give me.


First of all, remember it takes weeks to get into your system? It's the same coming out. 
Citalopram 20 isn't a huge dose and there are options. 
Those are not all the medication and certainly not all the ones he could give. I would suggest that you need a psych or CMHT appointment..

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## SA89

I feel a bit light-headed i'm not gonna lie. I'm adamant though to never return to pills as I didnt see any benefit & I've been on them for years. I wanna get myself better naturally through lifestyle changes, exercisin & being around a community. I've also booked myself in for counseling next Tues, up to 12 sessions.

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## Suzi

That's great, as long as you keep up with the getting out and about....

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## MaraUT

> I feel a bit light-headed i'm not gonna lie. I'm adamant though to never return to pills as I didnt see any benefit & I've been on them for years. I wanna get myself better naturally through lifestyle changes, exercisin & being around a community. I've also booked myself in for counseling next Tues, up to 12 sessions.


Bravo to you! Getting out and other activity can definitely help. When you talk to your counselor, make sure to tell them you want to learn some techniques to help yourself. Booking the counseling is a big step.

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## Paula

Well done making those decisions to help you get well  :):

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## SA89

Atm I'll be doin Voluntary each Wednesday from 1.30-4.30. I've agreed with my counsellor that getting a job is a long term goal & the short term is to build up my experience. In turn that ties in with socialising more. I still suffer everyday with loneliness & thats because I'm a serious recluse. My counsellor is helping me but I still hold an overwhelming sense of despair.

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## OldMike

> Atm I'll be doin Voluntary each Wednesday from 1.30-4.30. I've agreed with my counsellor that getting a job is a long term goal & the short term is to build up my experience. In turn that ties in with socialising more. I still suffer everyday with loneliness & thats because I'm a serious recluse. My counsellor is helping me but I still hold an overwhelming sense of despair.


I've lived a very solitary lifestyle which suited me until I was hit by depression when everything started to fall apart. My first step at getting into the outside world was going to an over 60's luncheon club last wednesday for the first time.

It's good you're doing voluntary work and getting a job you like will certainly help, your still very young and if you get out into the world more that feeling of despair will fade.

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## Suzi

> Atm I'll be doin Voluntary each Wednesday from 1.30-4.30. I've agreed with my counsellor that getting a job is a long term goal & the short term is to build up my experience. In turn that ties in with socialising more. I still suffer everyday with loneliness & thats because I'm a serious recluse. My counsellor is helping me but I still hold an overwhelming sense of despair.


I'm glad you are working with your counsellor about this. Are you doing other things to help with socialising more?

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## Paula

A great step, hunni, well done and it's great to see you  :):

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## SA89

> I'm glad you are working with your counsellor about this. Are you doing other things to help with socialising more?


Not really, I need a fresh start away from my workplace, somewhere where I feel free to express myself. I speak my mind at work but I don't feel comfortable at all in myself around these cliques of people. Today I did a 12-8 without any sleep at all & my depression was through the roof. I had to grin & bear it but I hate it. I've been off Anti-Depressants for about over a month so I'm in the deep end here without an inflatable. I don't feel any different from when I was on them tbh, I was expecting a severe reaction although I'm still really depressed.

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## Suzi

Why did you stop the meds?

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## SA89

> Why did you stop the meds?


It wasn't intentional at the time, I ran out so I decided to stop completely, I didn't even tell my doctor. Over a month on I feel exactly the same but without that weird 'chemical feeling' in my brain. It confirmed how useless those pills were to me personally. I've always known what my problems are (Socialising, being good at somethin) & that doesn't change with/without drugs in my body. Its really difficult tryin to combat that deep despair. I do it through distraction when really I should be doing it through being constructive.

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## Suzi

So... what's the plan? How are you going to get out and engage in more social activity?

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## SA89

> So... what's the plan? How are you going to get out and engage in more social activity?


I've no idea, its completely alien to me. I've noticed that people seem happy when they have a balance between a career & social life. The problem is when u have neither, thats when hopelessness sinks in. I've never had 1 or the other thats y I'm forever in a struggle with despair  :(think):

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## Suzi

What were you doing up and posting at 330am?!

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## OldMike

> It wasn't intentional at the time, I ran out so I decided to stop completely, I didn't even tell my doctor. Over a month on I feel exactly the same but without that weird 'chemical feeling' in my brain. It confirmed how useless those pills were to me personally. I've always known what my problems are (Socialising, being good at somethin) & that doesn't change with/without drugs in my body. Its really difficult tryin to combat that deep despair. I do it through distraction when really I should be doing it through being constructive.


Stopping antidepressants suddenly is certainly not a good idea. I can see where you're coming from as I've never been one for socialising, which is ok when you're young but can lead to a feeling of isolation as you get older.




> I've no idea, its completely alien to me. I've noticed that people seem happy when they have a balance between a career & social life. The problem is when u have neither, thats when hopelessness sinks in. I've never had 1 or the other thats y I'm forever in a struggle with despair


That's the ideal situation a balance between work and social life. Are there any activities you like doing which could help improve your social life?

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## SA89

I'm just trapped.. I hate to sound so pessimistic but I'm in a serious negative mindset & I feel powerless to break free. I'm so use to feeling miserable & depressed that I don't know anythin different. I can put on a joyful 'front' at work but that just masks my inner turmoil. I have deep insecurities.. It must be hard for u guys on here tryin to help people like me that are well.. helpless. And Suzi 3.30am is nothin to me, I'm up till 7!

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## OldMike

> I'm just trapped.. I hate to sound so pessimistic but I'm in a serious negative mindset & I feel powerless to break free. I'm so use to feeling miserable & depressed that I don't know anythin different. I can put on a joyful 'front' at work but that just masks my inner turmoil. I have deep insecurities.. It must be hard for u guys on here tryin to help people like me that are well.. helpless. And Suzi 3.30am is nothin to me, I'm up till 7!


I've been where you are and felt helpless and beyond hope but it is possible to drag yourself out of that place you may need meds and xounselling and it can take a long time. there will be many slips along the way. I still suffer during the winter months (I suffer from SAD). There is always hope as witnessed by many on DWD who struggle each day but are getting there. I always strive to get more good days than bad days if I can do that then I know things are on the up.

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## SA89

I'm desperate for a fresh start away from my workplace & the circle that are associated there. They only speak to me when they want somethin never like they do with each other. I feel completely inadequate at this weekly party where I'm not invited. They're all really socially savvy & the guys are far more physically superior to me. I feel worthless being this short & slim, no one gives u a 2nd look. *Sigh*  :(:

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## Suzi

What other things are you doing to get yourself out of the circle..

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## SA89

> What other things are you doing to get yourself out of the circle..


Just Voluntary but I don't start until Jan. My counsellor said I need to push my comfort zone because I'm stagnant in my room. I went to see my Voluntary today for a chat & they told me I need to sort my anxiety out by then as its affectin my reliability. I need some assurance really that volunteering in admin will get me a job in the long term

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## SA89

Is it normal to be attracted to ur counsellor?

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## rose

That can happen. Your counsellor is helping you, making you feel better about yourself, feelings can develop.....

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## Suzi

Have you thought about going to speak to your Dr and seeing if they can help re the anxiety?

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## Paula

It happens but, if it becomes too much of a problem, it can get in the epway of your therapy.  Be careful

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## OldMike

> It happens but, if it becomes too much of a problem, it can get in the epway of your therapy.  Be careful


I can only echo what Paula says, be careful things don't get out of hand.

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## SA89

She said she can relate to me & its just refreshing I guess  :(blush): . I don't understand how every1 around me like my peer group seem so care-free. What are they doing that I'm not? Why am I so emotionally imbalanced in contrast?. Sure they maybe masking it better, but u can still tell that they've  got it together socially. For them this is the best time of the year, partying, frolicking u name it. For me this is the absolute worst. It only empathises my loneliness & how another year of misery has passed me by..

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## Suzi

I really think that you need to be working on finding ways to meet new people and to get out more itms?

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## SA89

I asked my counsellor "Is their any way to get out of this, when u've been this low for so long". She said "Yes of course!". Somehow I don't believe her..

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## Paula

There is, she's right

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## Suzi

There really is.

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## OldMike

Just believe her, hang on to that straw, focus on to that spot of light in the distance, never give up hope and you'll get there.

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## SA89

Ye I think having somethin to strive towards is really important. I have nothin to look forward to & that's whats kept me stagnant. I need to learn how to 'rise above' my vile overbearing brother. Him & his friends are pot-smoking parasites that talk in gangsta slang. It shouldn't affect me but it does because I have to listen to them non-stop.

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## Suzi

I think that your Mum needs to step in with him...

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## SA89

I've heard people say that u need to be spiritual & have a plant based diet to get u through this. I'm not religious, I don't meditate & I eat junk like most people (but I also eat fruit). Is a typical lifestyle sufficient to get u through it I wonder  :(think):

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## Paula

Having a healthy lifestyle does help, of course, but, no, I don't believe it's the answer to depression - the illness is far more complicated than that

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## Suzi

I completely agree with Paula..

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## SA89

> Having a healthy lifestyle does help, of course, but, no, I don't believe it's the answer to depression - the illness is far more complicated than that


Can it be beaten without 'spirituality' & by eatin junk do u reckon (with the occassional fruit). I ask because I assume most depression sufferers lead an unbalanced lifestyle hence why we're actively encouraged to change it

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## OldMike

I think eating healthily, and getting some exercise helps though it is certainly not the complete answer.

As far as spirituality goes that can be a great support, but you can still get through it without being religious.

That being said you must respect others beliefs.

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## April_is_beautiful

> I've heard people say that u need to be spiritual & have a plant based diet to get u through this. I'm not religious, I don't meditate & I eat junk like most people (but I also eat fruit). Is a typical lifestyle sufficient to get u through it I wonder


A good diet and exercise does help, I had both of those until the end of October until the SAD kicked in. I'm reading a book called the Human Givens in which it states "But the search for answers is, we are suggesting, part of which truly being human is about. We feel that the important human given - the need for meaning - turns self-destructive if not given a positive focus."

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## OldMike

> A good diet and exercise does help, I had both of those until the end of October until the SAD kicked in. I'm reading a book called the Human Givens in which it states "But the search for answers is, we are suggesting, part of which truly being human is about. We feel that the important human given - the need for meaning - turns self-destructive if not given a positive focus."


The shortest day is 21/22 December depending where you look on the web so for us SAD sufferers things should start on the up from now on. From experience it's February before I'll notice any significant change.  :):

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Suzi (21-12-15)

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## SA89

Well Christmas for me was spent around the table with my brother making comments how lazy I am etc etc. God I despise him so much. He gets away with being vile by doing stuff for my mum around the house. That kinda gives him a free pass to acting like a thug & asking for weed money.. The day was topped off by rushing the little yorkie to the vet due to a collapsed trachea. Its been coughing for weeks now so has to stay in overnight..

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## OldMike

I may be speaking out turn but that brother of yours sounds like a total waste of space asking for money for weed and acting like a thug.

Hope your yorkie soon gets better.

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## Suzi

Hope your dog gets better soon. 

Have you thought about doing more around your house so your brother doesn't get that?

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## rose

I think doing more around the house would be a good idea. Also, take the dog for walks, it will get you out and about and meeting people! I hope the dog gets well soon.

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## SA89

Thanks guys, my dogs got heart disease apparently so its been put on steroids. I came home from work & broke down when I saw it. It looks so weak with its blue bandage from anesthetic. Its 11 years old so its not ancient. My familys really upset because Its breathing from its stomach & might not last much longer..

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## Suzi

Hope that he/she is recovering whilst at home..

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## Paula

:(bear):

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## rose

If the vet has put the dog on steroids but it doesn't seem well or is deteriorating, please phone the vet for advice.

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## SA89

> Hope that he/she is recovering whilst at home..


She's been in a deep sleep all day from being sedated. Its upsetting just to look at her suffering. I've got another Yorkie thats 17 & that seems healthy despite the odd dizzyness it has. The younger 1 is a smaller yorkie which might be why its developed breathing problems

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## SA89

Came home from work today to find out my dogs been put to sleep. I saw her just before I left, on the couch asleep with its little blue bandage. It feels like a bomb has hit me, especially with my depression. Its happened all so sudden  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

Aw I'm sorry hun....

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## rose

I'm so sorry. She was obviously suffering and she's in a better place now. I'm sorry for your loss  :(bear):

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## OldMike

I'm so sorry to hear about your Yorkie.  :(bear):

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## Paula

I'm so sorry, I know that particular heartbreak  :(bear):

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## magie06

I'm very sorry for the loss of your pet.

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## amc204

I remember when my old cat was put to sleep a couple of years ago. She has been unwell for a while and didn't have much of a life so I had to remember that she was not in pain anymore and it was for the best. It was hard but I'm sorry to hear about your yorkie.

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## SA89

Thanks, she was sufferin so much with relentless coughing. The vet said her heart was enlarged & covered her whole chest. I don't even wanna be on this earth anymore tbh. My depression is getting worse & worse by the year & now this. I can't see a way out for me now. Depression + grief is the worst feeling imaginable.

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## Suzi

If you are at risk of hurting yourself then please get to your local A+E or call an organisation such as the samaritans or calm.

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## rose

I broke down when my hamster died. I called my boyfriend and actually screamed down the phone. The loss of a pet can be devastating and very difficult to deal with. What you are feeling now isn't unusual. Try to remember all the good times you had together.
 :(bear):

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magie06 (27-12-15)

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## SA89

> If you are at risk of hurting yourself then please get to your local A+E or call an organisation such as the samaritans or calm.


No I'm too anxious to even contemplate that Suzi. I just don't wan't to be a part of this world when there's so much suffering & mental illness. My depression hasn't got better because I haven't worked at it but even when I try to work at it I still feel nothin so I can't win.

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## SA89

> I broke down when my hamster died. I called my boyfriend and actually screamed down the phone. The loss of a pet can be devastating and very difficult to deal with. What you are feeling now isn't unusual. Try to remember all the good times you had together.


Its like losing a relative rose, prob worse because I was really close to this dog. It'll hit me next week more I think. I could tell in its eyes it was suffering, I feel guilty though because it may have still lived a normal life. My mum said its better to end it now than find it dead. That would have been  much worse..

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## Paula

It was the right thing. It sounds like she was very ill. Doesn't make it any easier though .....

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## Hugo-agogo

I remember when I lost my last dog, he walked away into the fields and I had to go out to find him and carry him back, heartbreaking. :(:

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## SA89

I hate how my house is constantly full of smoke. This is why I stay in my room, even at a time like this when I'm grieving. No one listens & they're stubborn smokers that light up everywhere. That can't have helped my dog at all. It depresses me being around this vile harmful toxin. Is their anyway to avoid it in this situation  :(think): ..

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## rose

Who else smokes besides your brother?
No, the smoke won't helped your little dog. Do you take the dog(s) out for walks? That's a good way to meet people and get exercise.

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## SA89

> Who else smokes besides your brother?
> No, the smoke won't helped your little dog. Do you take the dog(s) out for walks? That's a good way to meet people and get exercise.


Every1 in my house smokes including mums visitors. I've been invited to a new years party at someones house but I'm really not in the mood to socialise. I feel sick with grief, I haven't stopped cryin. I hardly cry with my depression because of the emptiness but now I can't stop. Losin my dog has triggered how worthless I feel to a whole other level. I don't know how any1 gets up from this deep despair..

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magie06 (30-12-15)

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## rose

I think you should go to the party. Being around people and a change of scenery, if only for a little while, could really help you. Better than spending it in your room.
Maybe now is a good time to be thinking about what changes you'd like to make next year too.

 :Panda:

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## Suzi

I think  you need to work on getting out of where you are tbh... Go to the party, you don't have to stay too long, but you might actually enjoy it!

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## Hugo-agogo

Losing a pet can be a trigger for all the sadness inside :(:

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## Paula

I think you should go too.  It won't take the grief away but it may give you a helpful distraction for a few hours.  And, considering you don't think you've got a social life, you've been invited to one more party than I have

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## SA89

I'm desperate to escape my workplace in 2016 because it brings me down so much & gives me so much anxiety. People only speak to me when they want somethin & they can be really nasty in their little 'cliques'. I feel so insecure in this fast food s***hole its ridiculous. I feel like I'm wastin my potential. I wish I could leave so bad but its so hard for me to find another job. I'm trapped in a prison sentence with the most self-centred assholes ever  :(doh): ..

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## Suzi

Are you looking properly for work? When did you last apply for anything? Have you been to see a careers advisor or something similar?

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## SA89

> Are you looking properly for work? When did you last apply for anything? Have you been to see a careers advisor or something similar?


Every application I send gets rejected because iv no proper experience. I'm interested in mental health but isn't that limited to counseling or a care role?. I'm resuming my Admin voluntary in Jan to build up some experience. It seems if u don't know any1 ur screwed. I'm terrible at building contacts because of my social anxiety..

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## Suzi

Do you have any qualifications in this field? What about doing a course?

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## magie06

What about volunteering in your local day centre for people recovering from mental health illness? Places like those are always glad of people coming in with different skills to share with others. In the day centre that I attend, we love it when Lyndia comes in with her paints or when Louise comes in with her guitar. If you did it would show that you have a real interest in working with people recovering from mental health problems and it would help with that sticky question of having no experience.

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## SA89

I need to explore magie, I've had opportunities to become an Advocate volunteer but I wasn't reliable in a Reception role to warrant consideration. The place I'll be volunteerin in Jan is also a charity ('Building A New Direction'). Its Admin but I guess it gets u in & around that type of environment. And Suzi, I'm gonna ring next week regarding doing a counseling level 2. Its just all a bit daunting when u've been off tablets for a few months & still feel dead inside..

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magie06 (01-01-16)

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## rose

It probably wasn't the tablets making you feel that way then...

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## Paula

I think Rose is right.  Any numbness caused by medication would have disappeared by now.  It sounds like it's a symptom of your depression, not a side effects of meds. Perhaps you need to talk to your dr about it?

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## Suzi

Yup I agree it doesn't sound like medication side effects to me...

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## SA89

Happy New Year every1, I got absolutely leathered last night on fruit cider, lager, whisky, triple vodka & a shot. I was sick 10 times at this party!  :(envy):  . I had the most beautiful women comforting me, unfortunately they weren't single. For a moment it was like the world suddenly didn't seem so bad. Its made me even more desperate for a beautiful girl in my life. Today my depression feels 10× worse, back to my miserable reality alone in my room  :(: ..

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## Paula

It's bound to feel worse, you're hungover and alcohol is a depressant.  You don't need to be teetotal, but stopping when you know you've had enough, and not mixing, would have made today easier to bear

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## SA89

ye, last night showed to me that there is so much more to this life than being isolated in my room. Just being around people at a party & makin people laugh showed that I can be confident. I want this sociable lifestyle so bad with girls that I can hang around with. As a red blooded male I need this so bad. Every1 around me is getting engaged, living in nice houses & I really envy that so much..

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## rose

Do any of these friends have any single female friends they could introduce you to?

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## SA89

> Do any of these friends have any single female friends they could introduce you to?


Their was the most beautiful blonde girl, both inside & out, she was comforting me when I was sick. Unfortunately she's engaged to the lovechild of uncle fester. On a side note, why is it that the biggest assholes have the best social lives. It gets me down so much when I see horrible people from my workplace surrounded by beautiful women. I see it all the time on facebook  :(think): ..

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## rose

Who were the people who invited you out last night?

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## SA89

> Who were the people who invited you out last night?


It was my brothers girlfriends 18th, I went with my cousin. My mum pushed me to get out & I turned out to be the life & soul of the place  :Rock: . I don't want to have to rely on drink to make me feel good though. Is it possible to be in a consistently good place in ur mind?. All I ever feel is consistent despair.

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## Suzi

I'm not surprised you are feeling bad today. That's an awful lot of mixing!!
You need to find a way to compromise.

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## rose

Being sick ten times is not good though.... but I am glad you had fun.

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## Paula

> I don't want to have to rely on drink to make me feel good though. Is it possible to be in a consistently good place in ur mind?. All I ever feel is consistent despair.


Nope, not even for people who don't have depression. But the adage 'fake it til you make it' is my mantra.  Pushing yourself to challenge your own perceptions of yourself can help you achieve what you need in your life

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## SA89

College just told me that its £360 to do a Counseling Level 2 & then Level 3 is £3,000+ & Level 4 is £4,000+!. Its fixed even if ur on benefits. I give up with this life seriously.. On top of that I've recieved more job rejections via email yet again. My heart is racing so much right now because I'm so anxious to face this future-less future..

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## rose

Are there not such things as Student Loans still?

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## SA89

> Are there not such things as Student Loans still?


I'd rather not get in debt for what is merely a passive interest, I'd rather just be dead right now tbh. My depression & social anxiety is  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in killin me. My mind is troubled with deep insecurities. It feels like i'm the only person suffering with this relentless battle with depression & anxiety. I'm too stubborn to go back on pills. Nothing can heal me, ever.

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## rose

If you want to study and get a degree-level qualification then those prices are typical these days, and once you start working the loan comes off your salary and you barely notice it. You are only 26 (?) but you need to start making choices. If you do nothing, nothing will change.

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## Suzi

Why don't you want to go on medication? 
What about speaking to someone like the OU? Although I think that being involved with people in a college situation would be good for you - but it's another way of thinking?

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## SA89

> If you want to study and get a degree-level qualification then those prices are typical these days, and once you start working the loan comes off your salary and you barely notice it. You are only 26 (?) but you need to start making choices. If you do nothing, nothing will change.


Ye thats true, I'm just really scared to commit to something I'm not 100% on. I'd be so anxious of failing & lumbered with debt with nothing to show for it. I'm ridiculously indecisive, even in a sweet shop. This ties in with how anxious I am & constantly  worrying about the future. I've always been like this & drive people mad with this mentality. And Suzi I want to prove that I can better myself without relying on drugs.

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## amc204

> Ye thats true, I'm just really scared to commit to something I'm not 100% on. I'd be so anxious of failing & lumbered with debt with nothing to show for it. I'm ridiculously indecisive, even in a sweet shop. This ties in with how anxious I am & constantly  worrying about the future. I've always been like this & drive people mad with this mentality. And Suzi I want to prove that I can better myself without relying on drugs.


I was like you for a while in that I didn't want to go back to AD's having been off them for a few years as I thought the exercise was doing would help me. However I slowly learned that they took the edge off the really really bad times. They are not the complete solution but a combination of them along with talking therapy is the best way forward. Maybe you could start on a small dose and see how you feel with that, I wouldn't rule it out completely but please do consider it.

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Paula (07-01-16),Suzi (07-01-16)

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## Suzi

If you were diabetic would you take insulin? Why is this different? 

I know in the past you have commented on your brother smoking cannabis. Do you?

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## SA89

Right so I've been referred to see a psychiatrist (straight jacket here I come!) & I'm considerin going back on the drugs. My counsellor says its absolutely possible to alleviate depression without them, thats why I'm so adamant against them. I've read back on some early posts from u lot as its still relevant to how I am right now. And no I don't smoke weed lol  :):

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## Suzi

I just had to check re the weed... 

Glad that you're being referred - be aware it may be a long wait though. I know you can alleviate depression without drugs, but in some cases the meds are what helps you to be more stable before the therapy..

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## rose

This is a positive step. The psychiatrist will be able to prescribe different combinations of meds.

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## SallyGreenwood

> It was my brothers girlfriends 18th, I went with my cousin. My mum pushed me to get out & I turned out to be the life & soul of the place . I don't want to have to rely on drink to make me feel good though. Is it possible to be in a consistently good place in ur mind?. All I ever feel is consistent despair.


Hey, so
1. I use to have depression/ still have it midly. BUT... I would say I am reasonably consistently content. This doesn't mean all the time, or that I am bouncing off the walls happy all the time. But it means I think if I had only one phrase to describe my most common feeling of 2015 it would be "contented but anxious (about the future)" Ironically one of the reasons I am anxious is I am now thinking ... wow it did get better, hope it stays like that. But my plan for 2016 is to deal with anxiety too - good things come to those who wait (and work hard for it - Guinness misses that bit out).
I hope this gives you hope that one day you could also feel like that - maybe better than me too! Do you like bouncing off walls?

2. Not going to uni because you are worried about debt it very illogical. I would hate for that fear to hold anyone back. I am not saying it is not reasonable to feel or think what you are thinking, only that maybe you should bite the bullet and go anyway. Here is why I say that:
- If it doesnt work out, who cares, you wont have lost anything (unless you are in a really well paid job right now?)
- Student loans are not like normal loans, they are not included in your credit rating
- they do not contribute to the amount of "overall debt" that you owe
- you get a really good interest rate on them, which is inflation, which is basically saying you pay back only the value of what you borrowed - e.g. if you borrowed a loaf of bread, then you pay back a loaf of bread
- you dont pay it back like a normal loan, instead it comes out of your paycheck before you even see the money - I dont even notice that I have a student loan
- even then it only comes out your paycheck once you are earning a reasonable amount
- if you dont pay it off within x years (25 i think) it goes away forever

A better way to think about it would be that higher earners who are earning more because they went to university pay more tax. 9% more tax specifically. I.e. consider it like this - pretend you do not have a student loan. Instead you are simply agreeing with the government that if you earn over £20,000 a year AND you have a university degree, you will pay an additional 9% tax until you have paid tax the value of what that degree would have cost you.

In addition when you go to uni, and stay in halls (if you have depression  and anxiety i would strongly recommend halls - and getting on whatever social media uni students now use to plan social events) you get a whole new community to which you belong, can easily make friends, find people in common with you, and live in a supportive environment - uni is not like being an adult, there are additional support from the uni and students union. When I was a student I didnt even have to change my own lightbulbs!

Down side- it will be difficult to say goodbye to hangovers at uni
Good side - everything else  :):

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OldMike (09-01-16)

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## SallyGreenwood

> Their was the most beautiful blonde girl, both inside & out, she was comforting me when I was sick. Unfortunately she's engaged to the lovechild of uncle fester. On a side note, why is it that the biggest assholes have the best social lives. It gets me down so much when I see horrible people from my workplace surrounded by beautiful women. I see it all the time on facebook ..


Please refer to picture 16:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-ge...e-unhappy.html

This answers your question

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## Samantha340

> Please refer to picture 16:
> http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-ge...e-unhappy.html
> 
> This answers your question


Which is picture 16?

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## SA89

I appreciate the advice so thank you. Uni life sounds great especially all that partying  :(party): . There's no career that interests me enough though to justify the investment. Perhaps something along the lines of social care but I wouldn't want to be a counsellor. I may need to boost my serotinin 1st before I tackle anything because its seriously lacking atm.

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## OldMike

> Which is picture 16?


I wondered that as there is no indication.

@SA89: If ugly old guys got all the young attractive women I'd be falling over them when I opened my front door.  :(rofl): 

Seriously though SallyGreenwood has some great ideas (I never went to uni) it looks to be a great option (just don't overdo the drinking), and staying in halls seems a good way to meet people. I'm sure you'd get to know some nice people.

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## Suzi

Everyone has different experiences at uni - the same as everything in life. 
I think that you need to go back to your GP and discuss medication - and take it every day as meant to  :O:  if you are even considering that as an option..

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magie06 (13-01-16)

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## SA89

My anxiety was bad today. I restarted my volunteering at another mental health service & I had to sit next to a girl who I've not seen in years!. My heart was palpitating to the beat of a drum as I stared silently at my computer. We exchanged small talk but I felt like I was intruding because she was close friends with the others. Its scary confrontin this when ur in a deep depressive state, especially without artificial mood enhancers. People can tell I'm anxious just by my face & my awkward responses. I hope this leads somewhere  :(blush): ..

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## Paula

Hope what leads somewhere - the job or the girl?

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## SA89

> Hope what leads somewhere - the job or the girl?


The job to clarify. Its admin but I don't have a responsibility, I'm basically assisting the paid workers (inputting data, filing etc). My counsellor says it can lead somewhere but I'm fearful of it being pointless, thats my mindset. It was nice to be part of a community though & it shows that its important to be involved, regardless of how u feel. Even for a just a few hours a week it gives me a purpose & i'd like to hold on to that.

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## rose

I think if it gets you out of the house and interacting with people then its definitely a positive.

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## Paula

> The job to clarify. Its admin but I don't have a responsibility, I'm basically assisting the paid workers (inputting data, filing etc). My counsellor says it can lead somewhere but I'm fearful of it being pointless, thats my mindset. It was nice to be part of a community though & it shows that its important to be involved, regardless of how u feel. Even for a just a few hours a week it gives me a purpose & i'd like to hold on to that.


My favourite jobs have been voluntary  :):  and you never know where it might lead - all experience is worthwhile

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## Suzi

It's always good to put voluntary jobs on CVs etc so it's great that you are doing it and enjoying it!

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## SA89

> I think if it gets you out of the house and interacting with people then its definitely a positive.


ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely?  :(think): ..

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## OldMike

> ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? ..


Wow that makes me so not normal then, I don't think that is true, there must be lots of people like me who have never had a relationship and have no friends in real life. I've known people I've worked with who's whole life is spent down the pub or in the betting shop, would I swap with them? an emphatic NO. Is my situation the ideal, well no, but whose is life is. If you can start socialising and meet a kindred spirit that would be great even if that never happens you could still end up with friends, no one can predict the future, just don't give up hope.

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Paula (17-01-16),selena (17-01-16)

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## selena

> ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? ..


I understand you so much, the most of what you've revealed applies to me too although the causes are different. And the feeling of loneliness.
Sometimes you should just take a deep breath and start socializing, but you're feeling uncomfortable, never force yourself.

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## Suzi

> ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? ..


Oh for goodness sake! That's the biggest pile of rubbish I've heard! Maybe you and amc should talk to each other - you both think you are both the only people to not have a relationship.... You're both wrong.

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Angie (17-01-16),magie06 (17-01-16),Paula (17-01-16),selena (17-01-16)

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## SA89

> Oh for goodness sake! That's the biggest pile of rubbish I've heard! Maybe you and amc should talk to each other - you both think you are both the only people to not have a relationship.... You're both wrong.


I didn't say I'm the only person, obviously there's many people who are introverted like me. Regardless it certainly feels like ur the only person when every1 on social media is shoving their relationship down ur throat.




> Wow that makes me so not normal then, I don't think that is true, there must be lots of people like me who have never had a relationship and have no friends in real life. I've known people I've worked with who's whole life is spent down the pub or in the betting shop, would I swap with them? an emphatic NO. Is my situation the ideal, well no, but whose is life is. If you can start socialising and meet a kindred spirit that would be great even if that never happens you could still end up with friends, no one can predict the future, just don't give up hope.


Its not perceived normal in the eyes of society, hence why people always ask 'So u not got a gf yet?'. Hence also why people gravitate towards the extroverted types because being somewhat 'indifferent' is generally scrutinized. This is why 'cliques' form because they share this 'sheep' mindset of societys standard. Its hard to articulate this in a given sentence but I know for certain that others feel the same way.

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## rose

People do not always gravitate towards extroverted types. I am quite introverted really, I prefer very small groups and one-on-one chat.
If you are 'indifferent', e.g. you give off the vibe that you don't want to talk to anyone, then no one will talk to you, and that's quite different to being introverted, I think.
Calling people 'sheep' is a bit mean, anyone who pretends to be someone else to fit in is probably struggling just like you are to be social. Otherwise, they are not struggling and they are not 'sheep', they are just part of a crowd.
You had a great opportunity to get to know people at that NYE party but you got hideously drunk and were sick. That's not a good look on anyone!

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## Paula

I don't think I've ever seen you write a post complimenting someone else, or saying how nice that couple are together. When I'm on Facebook, I don't shove my relationship down everyone's throat'. I do talk about what my husband is up to, or if we've gone out to dinner somewhere, but that's not me saying that friends without a partner are less of a person than me. It's just me talking about my life, and that includes my husband.  You've got such a warped view of other people it seems you've become unable to appreciate the good in people.  Perhaps you need to try to lose that bitterness, and then you may find others want to be around you.

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Suzi (18-01-16)

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## SA89

> I don't think I've ever seen you write a post complimenting someone else, or saying how nice that couple are together. When I'm on Facebook, I don't shove my relationship down everyone's throat'. I do talk about what my husband is up to, or if we've gone out to dinner somewhere, but that's not me saying that friends without a partner are less of a person than me. It's just me talking about my life, and that includes my husband.  You've got such a warped view of other people it seems you've become unable to appreciate the good in people.  Perhaps you need to try to lose that bitterness, and then you may find others want to be around you.


What do u mean Paula, I've always expressed gratitude on here & my posts are always made with the intention of being relatable to others. I admit I am stressed but wouldn't u be if u struggled to fit in anywhere?. The reason I don't talk to anyone is because I'm too anxious & insecure about where I am in life. My mind works like: A) 'I'm not content' so B) 'I won't make the effort'. Depression also makes it a struggle for me to even sustain a smile

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## S deleted

Then it's up to you to break that cycle.

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## Paula

Ok then, prove me wrong. Show me a post you've made recently that shows you thinking nice thoughts about someone you meet in your daily life, and another where you intend to be relatable to others.

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## rose

You should always try to make the effort. If you are not content with your life, no one else is likely to fix it for you. In fact if you're not content, you should perhaps be making more effort?

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## Suzi

To be honest you are making excuses. Yes you might be introverted and shy but I know others like that (including my own younger sister) who push themselves out of their comfort zone to then meet others - whether they want to go or not. But going and getting drunk was stupid. No one likes to hang around or even talk to someone who goes out, gets drunk and the spends the rest of the night hugging the loo..... 

You have no idea about the struggles of others. You talk about not being able to fit in.. I think we all have had that at some point, some of us have loads of different reasons why they don't "fit in." I don't fit in with so many groups of people, but I still communicate with them + others on FB or similar. I didn't ever think I'd be living in a housing association property with a husband and 3 children and be running a depression forum for others so they don't ever have to go through what I went through... That's really hard. I often don't feel I fit in with a lot of conversations, but I'll still try. I didn't ever think I'd be "speaking" on the DWD FB page to over 80,000 people all over the world, but I do because I tried. That's what you need to do, get up, get out there and try. Every time you get a knock back (and I've had plenty) you just do it again.. Why? Because the alternative sucks. I have physical disabilities and it makes so many things harder, like walking my daughter to school, but I dam well try no matter how hard it is because it's important to her and it's important to me and because if I give in and hide away from the things that are hard I shall spend the rest of my days sitting in a chair taking a cocktail of meds. I have to get up and move and do it before I lose the ability to do so (which is a given). If I can, if Paula can, if Angie, Magie, Jarre, Hugo, Rose and everyone else can keep fighting, then so can you. Get up, get dressed and get out there. Find a different job and do it. The world isn't going to come to you, you have to get up and grab hold of it and make it what you want... Or else, what's the point?

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rose (18-01-16)

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## SA89

I really don't know how to respond right now but i'll briefly try. Take this as self-pitying or whatever, this is just my story. My head is a mess thanks to years & years of built up stress stemmin from an isolated childhood. Ever since I was a kid I've shut myself away in my room. I saw my mum on deaths door through Lupus when I was young but she's still here fighting fit. That had an effect on me alongside my anxiety issues at school which carried through secondary school & onto college. My low self-esteem due to my big nose & 5'5 height obviously played its part amongst other factors like never having a gf. I think a father figure would have really helped give me some independence hence my over-reliance on my mum. These are not excuses but u can understand why I have a cluster  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  of insecurities. I've always been polite & friendly, so ye I don't think ur entirely fair in ur assessment. I'm not this dickhead u may think I am. Anyway I've restarted the drugs again..

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## Paula

I'm pleased you've started the meds again, have you seen your GP? 

Unfortunately, you've isolated yourself from potential friendships, it seems, and now are angry with people because you feel isolated. That's not really fair on the people you meet tbh.

My hubby's less than an inch taller than you, my daughter is 4'11" and confident. Height is not a barrier to friendships or relationships. have you thought about talking to your GP about your nose and whether a 'nose job' would be suitable? It may be that, if it's considered that detrimental to your mental health, they could do the surgery on the NHS.

Things can change, but you need to find a way make that change happen for you - everyone else is too busy dealing with their own  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  to figure out yours

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----------


## Suzi

I didn't say that you were a dickhead and to be frank if that's what I thought then a) I'd say it and b) I'd not spend time trying to help... 

My husband isn't much taller than you, and I'm sure your nose isn't as big as his or his Dad's! 
I don't doubt for one second growing up with a Mum who has lupus was easy and I think it's amazing and positive and wonderful to know how much you love her - but you have the option to change it all...

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## SA89

My other dog was put to rest today, apparently it had a tumour. It was struggling all night with its balance with its head tilted sideways, my mums in hysterics. It was an old dog at 17 so we knew what was coming. Its weird that both my dogs have gone within 6 weeks. My head is too messed up for it to sink in, I'm really emotionally imbalanced. Citalopram has helped take the edge off somewhat but hasn't helped this 'emptyiness' I have inside me. Anyway, I'm due to see a psychiatrist soon  :(think): ..

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## Paula

I'm so sorry about your dog, I know the heartache over losing our pets.  I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist, please, please be honest about everything - maybe print out some of your posts here?

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## Angie

I am so sorry about your dog. I am glad your seeing the psychiatrist soon, as Paula has said, be honest and tell how things are

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## Suzi

So sorry for your loss..

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## OldMike

> I really don't know how to respond right now but i'll briefly try. Take this as self-pitying or whatever, this is just my story. My head is a mess thanks to years & years of built up stress stemmin from an isolated childhood. Ever since I was a kid I've shut myself away in my room. I saw my mum on deaths door through Lupus when I was young but she's still here fighting fit. That had an effect on me alongside my anxiety issues at school which carried through secondary school & onto college. My low self-esteem due to my big nose & 5'5 height obviously played its part amongst other factors like never having a gf. I think a father figure would have really helped give me some independence hence my over-reliance on my mum. These are not excuses but u can understand why I have a cluster  of insecurities. I've always been polite & friendly, so ye I don't think ur entirely fair in ur assessment. I'm not this dickhead u may think I am. Anyway I've restarted the drugs again..


My dad was only 5' 6" and he shrank to about 5' 4" as he got in to old age and he also had a big nose and he was really confident and out going both in social situations and at home. I've worked with other smaller guys and they were outgoing too so to use a cliche size isn't everything. I'm only 5' 8" so I'm small compared to 6 footers.

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## rose

I am so sorry about your dog. I think right now you have every right to feel sad and empty. Losing a pet is like losing a family member.
 :(bear):

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## Piglet

I'm sorry about you losing your dogs so close together.  (((hugs)))

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## SA89

Thanks. Whenever I'm involved with work my depression seems to escalate. Its not so much being around people, its more to do with my struggles & insecurities around them. The majority are on another level of social status from me. When I come home I'm almost close to tears because it brings to light everything that has made me a social loser up until this point. I'm really friendly towards every1, but I'm just not like them. My issues run deep from being awkward at school, scared to get dressed in changin rooms, havin little friends and never havin a gf. I'm tryna keep this brief, I'm a lost cause.. I'm so miserable & lost without a future  :=(: .

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## rose

Why do you think you are not like them? Did you stop to consider that many people struggle with their self-esteem?

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## Suzi

You aren't a lost cause at all. There are plenty of people who haven't had a girlfriend. That doesn't make them "a loser" at all. That's just ridiculous.

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## SA89

Hey, just updating u guys. I'm still being rejected by every job out there & as u can imagine I'm really depressed because of it. My voluntary has since told me not to go in for a month because of office arrangements & I'm rarely on the rota at my part time job. It doesn't help that I'm from Bolton which is apparently the 4th most deprived area in the North West. I'm in my room 24/7 & I'm constantly feeling fatigued. I wanna go out tonight but I'm scared what alcohol would do to my troubled mindset  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

It's lovely to hear from you, I was wondering how things were going! What about going back to college? What about different voluntary work?

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## SA89

Ha thanks  :): . I went clubbin last night & once again it was a strange experience. Dancing with strangers just feels so weird to me & it doesn't feel right to approach a stranger in this environment. These clubs are full of people that get 100 likes on their Facebook pictures. People around me expect me to 'pull' but how is that possible in such a superficial environment. Regarding my career, I've been considering ways to get into support work. I need to do something because to be doing nothing at 26 is quite scary  :S: ..

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## Suzi

It's been very many years since I went clubbing, but I can tell you that the clubs aren't all full of people with "100 likes"... Sweetheart you need to stop thinking that everyone else is more popular and confident than you - they all aren't!

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## SA89

I really hope I don't wake up tomorrow. I'm tired of being lonely & I'm tired of being unemployable. I try & try to catch a break but no employer will give me a chance. Yet my cousin like many others just walks into a job without any experience as a support worker. I'd love an opportunity like that, anythin to get me away from my  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  hole 1 day a fortnight kitchen role..

On top of that I have to put up with the worlds most annoying couple, rammed down my throat 24/7. Literally every conversation revolves around my brother & his stupid  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in loudmouth gf splittin up, gettin back together bla bla bla.. My mum loves them, I can't stand them. Sorry for the rant but it reinforces my loneliness, I'm just trapped in my room & I'm not a bad lookin guy  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

SA89... Please, please, please go and get some help. Go and see your Dr tomorrow. 
You aren't unemployable.. Did you ever take Rose up on her offer to look through your CV? Are you applying for the right kind of jobs?

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## SA89

> SA89... Please, please, please go and get some help. Go and see your Dr tomorrow. 
> You aren't unemployable.. Did you ever take Rose up on her offer to look through your CV? Are you applying for the right kind of jobs?


Like I've said before its not different tablets I need (I'm on citalopram 20mg after goin full circle), I just need a break in life. If I had a new job or a girlfriend i'd feel better because I've never been on the level of suicidal. I'm on a waiting list to see a psych. I apply for admin & support work yet I don't even get a response despite having voluntary experience in both. People on Facebook are always bragging about getting a new job, probably because they know a friend of a friend. Life is so much harder without friends to give u a leg up..

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## Suzi

Thing is, you are convinced that it's all about other people and you "not having a break." I do really think that you are going to have to be more proactive. You need to break out of this slump you are in. 
Have you had anyone help you with a CV? What about speaking to someone in careers? What about college? What about asking about work experience? There are so many things you could do... 
What about a local mind group or similar?

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## SA89

> Thing is, you are convinced that it's all about other people and you "not having a break." I do really think that you are going to have to be more proactive. You need to break out of this slump you are in. 
> Have you had anyone help you with a CV? What about speaking to someone in careers? What about college? What about asking about work experience? There are so many things you could do... 
> What about a local mind group or similar?


I applied for 10 jobs in the last 2 days, got an interview but it wasn't the 1 I wanted lol. I want to work with people in a support role not baking pasties!. I've worked in a factory before & it was the worst experience ever. I attend the jobcentre fortnightly who helps me with most of that stuff. I don't post on here too often because I don't wanna become dependent on peoples reassurance. Is it true that an employer will give u a chance based on ur references?. I'm lookin to develop my people skills but the best I can put on my CV is that 'I've volunteered as a receptionist in a care environment'  :(mm): .

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## rose

Every job you do requires people skills, not just the customer-facing ones.
You did send me your CV but it was ages ago, I don't really feel qualified to give advice at the moment, sorry.

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## Suzi

I wonder whether you are putting enough into your CVs.. What kind of jobs are you applying for? Surely any job and getting out and meeting new people is better than sitting around during the day with people you don't like?

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## SA89

When I'm chattin & smiling with a girl I like it feels like there's a glimmer of hope at the end of this dark tunnel. But then she tells me she has a bf & my depression escalates back to deep despair. She even said I was cute. I smile so much more when I'm chattin to girls because it gives me hope but nothing ever materializes  :(doh): .. U may think that's trivial but for me its a big deal because I've never experienced the love of a gf & I'm 26. I apply for everythin Suzi & Rose I appreciate u lookin at my CV.

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## Hugo-agogo

Don't run yourself down SA89, if you can chat with a girl you're doing alright. Don't fixate on where it might lead or place so much emphasis on being in a relationship.

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## SA89

> Don't run yourself down SA89, if you can chat with a girl you're doing alright. Don't fixate on where it might lead or place so much emphasis on being in a relationship.


Thanks mate, its the hope that kills me. All I want is something meaningful to get up for. I'm like an old man, in my pyjamas all day drinking tea & watchin soaps. I don't go out because I don't have friends to go out with. I worry about everything. I'm ridiculously insecure because I'm not doin anythin with my life & I feel a lot of pressure because of it  :S: ..

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## Suzi

The more you stay in wearing your pjs, drinking tea and watching soaps the more you will be lonely and aren't going to get any better. Did you ever do anything proactive about things like joining a local mind group?

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## SA89

When I listen to music it brings back that essence that I know is the real me. It makes me express myself & stirs an array of emotions I thought i'd lost. It makes me dance in my room which is weird but it's an emotion that has since abandoned me. But i'll then proceed to break down in a flood of sheer despair knowing that 'feeling' is in stark contrast to the reality I'm facing. A reality of profound emptiness with no friends to share my expression  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

What have you done to try to get out and meet new people since you posted here last?

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## Paula

You're unhappy, and have been for too long, but you really need to find a way to connect with people, potential friends and acquaintances.  Staying in your room is not going to achieve that ......

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## SA89

> You're unhappy, and have been for too long, but you really need to find a way to connect with people, potential friends and acquaintances.  Staying in your room is not going to achieve that ......


I'm trying regularly to find new work that'll open up those aspects, along the health & social route. At work I've been connecting fine with the odd few but they'll forever remain acquaintances & its the same wherever I go. I don't post on here too often because I don't want to go round in circles, repeating the same rhetoric. My counsellors don't know what to do with me so why would anyone else. I also make a point of not bombarding u lot with walls of text because u've got enough to read on here without my biography.

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## Suzi

Why not find another job in a different field, but related?

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## SA89

> Why not find another job in a different field, but related?


I just wanna help others in some capacity. I think by doing that i'll be helping my own demons in a way. Right now I need to find a way to get my emotional energy right because it's seriously imbalanced. I'm fatigued all the time & I don't feel any 'joy' from anything. I tested myself on my level of depression & the results came back as between high & severe, which is quite alarming. It's no surprise really considering I've been feeling this way for years now  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Have you done anything about getting out and meeting new people? 
What about a Doctors appointment?

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## SA89

> Have you done anything about getting out and meeting new people? 
> What about a Doctors appointment?


I've been stubbornly trying to fight it without medication but I dunno.. I may need to give in (again..). I wasn't so bad about a week ago because it felt like I was 'going places'. I was excited about a career where I could help others out. Fast forward a week & my depression has plummeted again. My mood was somewhat 'stable' but nothing came of it so I'm back down again. With depression it's so important to keep that stability, I just wish I knew how.. My despair is threatening to spiral again & I'm worried. The job centre has decided to put me on a 'work program' to make me feel even more worthless. I also missed my counsellor appointment so that's scrapped, my mum's in hospital & my gums are full of ulcers. This is shameful self-pity right here  :(blush): ..

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## Paula

I'm sorry your mums in hospital, I hope she's able to go home soon.

Taking meds isn't giving in, it's making a decision to help yourself become well and, to me, that's a positive step

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## Suzi

What do you mean that the counselling is scrapped? 
Hope your Mum's OK.. 
I also completely agree with Paula that taking meds is no where near giving in.

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## SA89

My head is all over the place.. I went to visit my mum & I broke down straight away. She somehow contracted Shingles which is kinda like Chicken pox. The problem is because she has Lupus it affects her immune system more than the average person. Her blood count is really low so they had to put her on morphine. She looks like a burnt victim because her neck is ravished due to all the itching, causing nerve damage to her neck. Everyone's telling me I need to start buckin my ideas up. I don't deal with stress well at all. I feel like I'm trapped in this deep despair, waiting for the world to collapse around me. My mum's friend told me that anti-depressants are no good. I'm not sure if I agree with her..

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## Suzi

Is that why she's in hospital? Morphine is for pain lovely.... I hope she gets much better really soon x

I think that some anti d meds will help you, others might not. There is no exact science on this..

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## OldMike

> My head is all over the place.. I went to visit my mum & I broke down straight away. She somehow contracted Shingles which is kinda like Chicken pox. The problem is because she has Lupus it affects her immune system more than the average person. Her blood count is really low so they had to put her on morphine. She looks like a burnt victim because her neck is ravished due to all the itching, causing nerve damage to her neck. Everyone's telling me I need to start buckin my ideas up. I don't deal with stress well at all. I feel like I'm trapped in this deep despair, waiting for the world to collapse around me. My mum's friend told me that anti-depressants are no good. I'm not sure if I agree with her..


I've had shingles on my back and chest and I wasn't able to take anti-virals (the normal treatment these days) because I was on anti-depressants so I had the old fashioned treatment which had to be painted on the rash.

It's amazing how painful shingles is couldn't bear my clothing touching the rash so painful was nearly driving me up the wall.

When you've had chicken pox and got better the virus stays dormant inside your body then for some reason (I'm not sure why) it can suddenly travel along the nerves to the skin that is shingles, you look at the rash and wonder why it is so painful but believe me it is.

I think if you scratch it or rub it that makes it a hell of a lot worse.

For depression anti-depressants are certainly a good option but you need to see your doctor and tell him/her how you feel.

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## SA89

It hurts me knowin she's in so much pain Mike, she's lost so much weight as well. Her Lupus really complicates her immune system making her look yellow-ish when she's ill. Apparently someone with Lupus is 70% more likely to get it. As soon as I saw her in the ward I left the room immediately in tears. She then came out to tell me not to worry. 

It's too much for me along with this deep depression. My auntie really laid into me beforehand calling me lazy & selfish because I was too scared to visit her. She doesn't understand why I struggle in life, no one does even.. I've also seen my mum on deaths door when I was younger. She's the only friend I have in this terribly lonely existence  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

Then you need to get up, get dressed, arrange to see a Dr and take the control. No one else can do this for you. You have to do it for yourself.

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## SA89

Can I just ask, how do u regain that sense of 'feeling'?. Everyone around me seem's so expressive. I want to feel what 'joy' feels like again or at least genuine laughter. The only emotion I seem to 'feel' is sadness. I expressed a lot of that the other day, crying in the bathtub, consumed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness.. I'm seeing the Doctor on Monday for some synthetic drugs but my agenda with these is they'll suppress my emotions further  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Are you keeping a mood diary? What have you done each day this week? It helps to keep some kind of diary of what you are doing - even down to "got up, got dressed, had a shower" etc..

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## SA89

> Are you keeping a mood diary? What have you done each day this week? It helps to keep some kind of diary of what you are doing - even down to "got up, got dressed, had a shower" etc..


Erm I haven't really kept 1 because the only active thing I can do is apply for jobs, I record that in my jobsearch. I've also put my name down to work with a kid with autism. Aside from that I bought some lettuce yesterday from Tesco. I've got some bits in while my mum's away, she's back tommorow. As I type this I'm 2 hours late for work but I'm not going in now..

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## rose

Did you call in sick?  You can't just not turn up for work...

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## Suzi

Are you just spending all day in your home? Why didn't you go into work today?

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## magie06

You should let them know if you can't show up, its polite and fare to your colleagues.

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## SA89

> You should let them know if you can't show up, its polite and fare to your colleagues.


I rang several times but no answer. In the end I thought I might as well not bother because I was already 2 hours late. No matter what excuse I used I would have got bollocked. If they fire me then so be it, I've been there for far too long with little prospects to show for it & it's only fast food.

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## rose

Yes but it was your only source of income and it got you out of the house.
Why didn't you go in today?

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## SA89

> Yes but it was your only source of income and it got you out of the house.
> Why didn't you go in today?


True, I get Universal Credit as well so I'm not short at the moment. I pulled the classic 'sleep another 5 minutes, another hour routine' then woke the time I was due in. Ur right in that it's the only form of socializing I have, even if it is 1 day. I'm dreading ringing in tomorrow to check if I'm in, they've got my balls in a tomato slicer..

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## Suzi

What is it that you do each day?

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## SA89

> What is it that you do each day?


Generally? Nothing!. My life revolves around watching soaps & playing videogames. Everyone keeps asking me 'HAVE U GOT A GF, HAVE U GOT A GF, HAVE U GOT A GF' it's  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in irritating. It seems like if u don't have a significant other in this society ur somehow percieved 'abnormal'. My brother's controlling gf makes me appreciate my own freedom tbh, although I'm desperate for someone to subside the loneliness. 

I really want to be involved in social care so I'm focusing on that at the moment. I've been prescribed Fluxotine (again) because I've literally tried each depressant available to me from my doctor. I'm very conflicted about these drugs so I'll no doubt put off taking them if my mind tricks me into thinking I'm somewhat 'stable' & then i'll inevitably drop off again into despair  :(think): .

(Sorry for the wall of text, u must be sick of reading walls of text by now  :(blush): ..)

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## Suzi

I am sure you haven't tried each antidepressant as there are many! 
I think you've tried doing this without and it's not been the best for you. So maybe you just need to give these a decent go and see if it helps? 

If you aren't doing anything but sitting watching soaps and playing games how are you ever going to get out there and meet new people or prove that you are worth someone employing? You have to get up, get out and do it. Even if you did a college course in social work it shows willing and you are more than capable.

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## Paula

Are you signed on with the job centre? Are they able to recommend suitable training for you?

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## SA89

I went out drinking last night & I've gotta say these nightclubs are the *WORST* places for socializing. Everyone is confined to the people they came in with which is understandable but it does nothing for my self esteem. I paid £3.00 entry to stand in a corner at a place with blaring  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  music. I also came out feeling sick from the aftertaste of disgusting cheap lager. I took my Fluxotine (which I'm on now) an hour before I started drinking. These clubs paint a picture of society as a whole which is not the case but it certainly feels like it when ur in the midst  :(think): .. And ye Paula I'm on Universal Credit who have referred me to a work programme.

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## Suzi

Hunni, whilst I'm thrilled that you went out - clubs aren't great places to get talking to someone! Maybe a pub or something different might be better? But I would also add that drinking when you've just started medication isn't a great plan either.. 
When do you start at the work programme?

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## SA89

Hey, it's been a while since I posted here so I thought I'd provide an update. I'm about to start volunteering as an ABA therapist (Applied Behavior Analyst) & I'm really nervous. For the next 12 saturday's I'll be working 1-1 with kids who have Autism. My role is to help reinforce positive behavior traits in them so I have to be really spontaneous (make gestures, stop them being aggressive, make face paints etc). Now I really struggle myself to be positive because I've been depressed for years & worry about everything. 

The interview was a large group meeting where most applicants were university students. I feel inferior in that respect as I have no formal qualifications in psychology. I'm assuming I got the opportunity by really putting my all into the questionnaire. My 1st training day is this saturday then team building on sunday before the academy opens the following week for the kids. I feel like I'm unable to express emotion anymore, I can't even smile. This is why I'm rather concerned i'll just freeze or something  :S: ..

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## Suzi

That's brilliant! Well done! 

You'll be fine! Just be strict, and praise every good thing you see  :O:

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## Paula

Wow! That's incredible! And they would not have given you this opportunity unless they were sure you were right for it as it's such a sensitive role.  Well done  :):

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## SA89

Hey guys, I shouldn't be writing this on christmas day but what the hell. Some of my family seem to have it in for me.. My uncle constantly takes the  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  out of me that I'm 27 & not doing anything with my life. 

Today he flat out dismissed my recent tutoring experience with a child as irrelevant  :(blush): . My cousin & mums friend also make remarks to me. Then theres my horrible brother who I've not spoken to for weeks. 

As u can imagine this made me feel worthless sitting at the christmas table. There's people that really like me that can see I have a good heart & a sense of humour. I know there's so many out there who feels like me right now; depressed, lonely & unconventional. 

Apparently this time of year see's more mental health referals than any other period. That's no coincidence given the pressure to 'put on a show' so to speak. Anyway Merry Christmas to whoever reads this. Ur not alone, trust me, I've been suffering inside for years  :=(: ..

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## SA89

Sick to death of these f***** low life dirtbags that brag about sex & take drugs. This is why I'm a recluse because the estate I'm from is full of these d***heads that act like 'thugs' & can't hold a decent conversation  :(think): . My brother idolises these parasites. He really is an awful person to live with. Its no wonder I feel worthless. I want to be around people the kind I met at a school for Autism.

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## Mira

I might be wrong here, but how about trying to go somewhere where people are more open and friendly. I can think of a lot of places I could go that would be massive triggers for me or where people are rude in general. How about trying the opposite? 

Because you seem to me like a person that wants and might need it very much.

Not hang around the people that are that way would be a good start.

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## Paula

Welf's right, you need to be around positive people and, though it may not feel it, there are more good than bad ..... how is the ABA role going?

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## Suzi

I'm sorry, I don't know why, but I missed your post on Christmas Day. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that people can't see past the initial issues and see that you are a good person, but you are poorly. 
Have you applied to local special schools? I know that when I was teaching in a couple we were desperate for other people to come in and interact - even just as kind of playground lunch volunteers etc? It might mean a bit of a journey, but it also might be what you need?

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## SA89

> Not hang around the people that are that way would be a good start.


Ye I don't hang with those people as such, theyre just in my house often with my brother. It was an eye opener being at the school because ive never been in such a positive environment.




> how is the ABA role going


It went well, I did 12 weeks tutoring a child with Autism. At the start it was tricky to grab my childs attention but he built up trust with me & opened up more. I taught him functional skills, gestural communication, picture exchange communication. Got a certificate after it, I felt a bit sad at the end when it was finished. I gave my child a hug & that was that. The school awarded me most improved tutor 1 week out of the whole school  :(blush): .





> I'm sorry that people can't see past the initial issues and see that you are a good person, but you are poorly. 
> Have you applied to local special schools? I know that when I was teaching in a couple we were desperate for other people to come in and interact - even just as kind of playground lunch volunteers etc? It might mean a bit of a journey, but it also might be what you need?


I've applied to a few but no joy. Its something I'm interested in though & my tutoring reinforced that. Its challenging but rewarding when u see a child smiling back at u & comin to u when they need something. 

Its frustrating caus I'm pushed to attend a work programme weekly to recieve any income. They're tryin to force me into jobs that I have no interest in like factory work. I made it clear I dont eant want to do that but they threaten to sanction u if u don't oblige. Its very demoralising  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

I know all about how frustrating the system can be... Keep calling and looking on all the local sites.. What about calling the school you did your training in?

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## SA89

> I know all about how frustrating the system can be... Keep calling and looking on all the local sites.. What about calling the school you did your training in?


Well I had an interview today at a healthcare centre for autism & I came out of it thinkin 'Wouldn't it be great if I ceased to exist..' I conveyed my ABA tutoring experience to them but I was extremely anxious & presented my answers poorly. 

I got the impression they didn't think I'd cope with the healthcare side of it. They said they'll send me a letter lettin me know. Typical really, no one ever gives me a chance. I'm a lonely waste of space. My mind is beyond repair. I may as well die & be done with it  :=(: .

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## Paula

First, don't assume it went badly, you just never know. Second, well done for going, that's a huge deal and you should be proud of yourself  :): . Third, have you ever had any interview training? It might help, particularly with the nerves.

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## Suzi

Paula's completely right! You don't know that!

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## rose

> I was extremely anxious & presented my answers poorly.


I had an interview last week and I just knew I hadn't done as well as I could have. Actually the feedback was not as harsh as I thought it would be (although it was still a no). 

I posted here a long time ago a list of questions I always prepare answers to before interviews. I can't find it at the moment but I can send it in a PM.

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## SA89

> First, don't assume it went badly, you just never know. Second, well done for going, that's a huge deal and you should be proud of yourself . Third, have you ever had any interview training? It might help, particularly with the nerves.


Thanks Paula, my mum knows I'm depressed & hugs me to try to reassure me. I honestly think if someone else like me locked themselves away in their room all their life they would have killed themselves by now or at least tried to. 27 years without any social connection whatsoever completely destroys ur brain chemistry. 

People want the best for me because they see that im a good lad with good morales. I do interview stuff with my work programme, that place is purgatory.. This interview was my ticket out of hell  :(think): .

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## Suzi

Sweetheart what things are you doing each day? Are you getting out and meeting anyone? Are you working?

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## SA89

> Sweetheart what things are you doing each day? Are you getting out and meeting anyone? Are you working?


Right now I'm attending a course that I'm mandated by the work programme. I really struggle with maths yet they expect me to complete their tests in a timely manner. I feel like such a f***** loser on this programme.. I didn't pass that job interview either despite having the EXACT skills they were looking for (Autism support). 

I really feel like the walls are closing in on me & there's no light or escape in sight.. If I didn't feel so desperately lonely inside then maybe.. maybe I could hope  :=(: .

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## Suzi

Can you do some courses in maths to help you?

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## SA89

ANOTHER REJECTION.

"It has been a difficult decision (BULLS***) however after careful review of all candidates’ skills and experience I regret (no u don't) to advise you that on this occasion (u mean EVERY F***** OCCASION) you have been unsuccessful following this stage of the recruitment process and we will not be proceeding any further"..

*Summary*
"YOU'RE BETTER OFF DEAD TBH"
Regards.

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## rose

Sorry for my slow reply, I saw your post earlier when I was on my phone and I wanted to give it a proper answer when I got to my laptop.

As Suzi suggested, can you take a course in maths? Or do you know anyone who could help you study? I have taught maths before and usually the biggest barrier to learning is the person saying 'I am not good at maths, I never understood it at school and I don't now.'
The truth is, we use a lot of GCSE level maths in our every day lives, it's just not obvious that is what we are doing. I wish I could help you, I do feel quite passionately that people could be better at maths if only they had the help they need. And many employers need a good level of maths so it's worth improving your skills.

Re job rejections, the thing is, there is only one job and several candidtaes. And often a rejection is not a personal slight on you, it just means that there was a person who better fitted the role. Sometimes I look at jobs and think they are just perfect for me, then I don't even get an invite to interview which is so confusing, but I have learnt that it's just how life goes.
I am also trying to find a job at the moment and it's really hard, you can check out my thread in over18s which chronicles the highs and lows of my journey.

I know that the process can be soul-destroying, and I understand why you feel hopeless, but you have to dust yourself off and keep trying.

You once said you love writing, have you ever thought about writing for a living? You could try writing a novel, or try to get some freelance writing work?

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## SA89

> Re job rejections, the thing is, there is only one job and several candidtaes. And often a rejection is not a personal slight on you, it just means that there was a person who better fitted the role. Sometimes I look at jobs and think they are just perfect for me, then I don't even get an invite to interview which is so confusing, but I have learnt that it's just how life goes.
> 
> I know that the process can be soul-destroying, and I understand why you feel hopeless, but you have to dust yourself off and keep trying.


The thing is they responded positively to a lot of my answers ("Thats an excellent answer" etc) then the following day these cold heartless b******* send me an automated rejection letter. I'm f***** sick of seein this letter in my inbox. 
I answered a lot of the competency questions correctly as well except a few which I struggled with. EVERY single interview I've had I've failed except Burger King 7 years ago. I'm still there part time but they havent given me work since Dec. 

I'm doin maths right now on my work programme, I have to attend daily. They've sanctioned me though as I've missed a few days. I'm keen on support work as I have experience tutoring an Autism child. I don't understand why they reject someone with the skills they're lookin for. This world is f***** backwards tbh, from its outdated stigma's to its hard nosed policies for the lower class. 

I appreciate ur kind words Rose and its comforting u can relate. I'll check out ur thread. I see a career as my only escape from this darkness, thats why rejection hurts me so much. I've been in a desperate state of loneliness for so long  :=(: ..

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## rose

I received a standard rejection letter from a role that I interviewed for three times. I was very annoyed about it, after all the trouble I went to to give them my time. I do understand your pain.
Please go to the maths lessons though, they will help.

And you know sometimes you can do great at interview but they still pick someone else. Remember, the people are interviewing are just people, they've all been interviewed themselves before and everyone makes mistakes. I have interviewed people; it's hard making the right choice, honestly. I know that's not much comfort but it's the truth.

You could also ask for honest and frank feedback as to why you were not chosen? This should help with interviews in the future.

Have you look into apprenticeships? There is a goverment website... https://www.getingofar.gov.uk/
I imagine the competition for apprenticeships is fierce but it might be worth looking at?

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## Suzi

I know it sucks, but really you need to try to calm down the aggression lovely. Definitely ask for feedback as it will help. Do you research into the company before you go for interview? What about college? Could you think about going back or maybe doing an OU course or similar? 

For the record though - it's a child WITH autism, never "an autism child"... I have 1 child and 1 husband with diagnosed ASD and one who is being assessed... and also that's one of my areas of expertise when I was teaching (Autism and Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties in teenagers in case you were interested  :O:  )

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## SA89

Where do I begin here  :(think): .. Well, I'll start with the blazing row I had with my uncle. He goes on & on & on about how I need to sort my life out. He told me I'm a lost cause which I said was rich considerin he collects toys for a living.

Then I went for another interview only to be told they were unable to see me as I was late yet it was my work coach who had given me the wrong times!. He said sorry but I was up all night researchin  :@: ..

And if that wasn't enough, today I was removed from my EQL course due to bad attendance. I passed the course but I can't continue & do the maths tests. I've learned so much maths as well & passed the practice test. The guy said I'm a 'bright lad so its a shame'. 

When someone tells me that I feel 10x worse because it reminds me what a failure I am in life. I'm 27, on the dole & in my room all day.  After tutoring a child & excelling at it I thought 'This is it, finally I'm goin somewhere'. How foolish to even think that, to even hope. It's been relentless disappointment this year  :(: ..

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## rose

If the work coach gave you the wrong time (is it written down) can you ask them to perhaps smooth things over and get you another interview slot?

Did something happen specifically today with the course, were you late or did you not attend the last one?
Was the test for a proper qualification such as GCSE or NVQ?

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## Suzi

Sorry you've had a bad day... 
Have you had lots of time off from the course? 
What things are you trying to do to get out of your room and the house and getting out and doing something different?

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## SA89

Everydays a bad day... and I'm too physically fatigued to do anythin about it. Its a combination of my depression, anxiety, loneliness, sleep disorder & Setraline. Do ya know that sayin "Bottling emotions affects ur wellbeing" or along the lines. Well I've been doing that for years & now I'm suppressed of any sense of elated relief. 

It make me so despairing when I see these wannabe 'bad boy' types attract all the women. Or just seeing any couple for that matter, or even friends together. I've had this problem ever since I was a kid, alone at school break times. I remember even waking in the early hours, about 7 years old, sitting in the center of my room feeling deeply fearful & lost. At SEVEN years old  :(think): ..

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## SA89

> Sorry you've had a bad day... 
> Have you had lots of time off from the course? 
> What things are you trying to do to get out of your room and the house and getting out and doing something different?


The reason I don't do anythin about it is because my self worth is so low to even join a group or somethin. I go to my work programme thats it, rest of the time im in bed. I've applied everywhere for work but nothing & I've been sanctioned..

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## Suzi

Sweetheart if you are spending all your time in bed then nothing is going to change for you. You have to get up, get washed and dressed and do something different. 
What jobs are you applying for?

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## S deleted

You don't know how lucky you are. You have no job no benefits due to sanctions and yet you still have food in your belly a roof over your head, and the luxury of being able to lie in bed all day. If you aren't happy with your life got off your butt and change it cos no one else is gonna do it for you. Time you stood on your own to feet. I know what it's like to feel so low that I don't wanna get out of bed, or so anxious I'm scared to leave the house, or to have so little self worth that I don't think I deserve anything good in my life, but I want to feel better, I want to be able to enjoy my life so I push myself. If I don't go to the shop for food I don't eat, if I don't pay the bills I have no gas, electric, hot water, phone, broadband etc. Doing nothing will only make my life worse. You need to get up and sort out your benefits or find a job even if it's sweeping the floor and cleaning toilets in a local fast food joint (which for the record is actually an important job as cleanliness and hygiene and all part of a good customer experience).

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## Jaquaia

Sometimes you have to push yourself to do the little things so you don't get trapped in a vicious cycle. Believe me, I know how hard it is. Most days it takes me a couple of hours to drag myself out of bed and another couple of hours to get dressed. Have you thought about getting up and sitting in the garden with a drink for an hour or so? Start with something small. It might be good for you to contact Mind too. Counselling or CBT might help you with your self worth, or a self-esteem course or something.

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## SA89

> Sometimes you have to push yourself to do the little things so you don't get trapped in a vicious cycle. Believe me, I know how hard it is. Most days it takes me a couple of hours to drag myself out of bed and another couple of hours to get dressed. Have you thought about getting up and sitting in the garden with a drink for an hour or so? Start with something small. It might be good for you to contact Mind too. Counselling or CBT might help you with your self worth, or a self-esteem course or something.


I'm trapped in that vicious cycle, it only alleviates slightly when I find hope in something. I felt hopeful when I did my tutoring recently & I had a purpose 'cause I was mentoring a child who had an actual impairment. I just wish I had some friends I could visit to relieve the loneliness. Its such a miserable existence when u have no one but ur mother to turn to..




> You don't know how lucky you are. You have no job no benefits due to sanctions and yet you still have food in your belly a roof over your head, and the luxury of being able to lie in bed all day. If you aren't happy with your life got off your butt and change it cos no one else is gonna do it for you. Time you stood on your own to feet. I know what it's like to feel so low that I don't wanna get out of bed, or so anxious I'm scared to leave the house, or to have so little self worth that I don't think I deserve anything good in my life, but I want to feel bett).


I know how fortunate I am compared to people who don't even have a home or clean water. That doesn't make a difference to my mind though. I've always felt like I don't identify with anyone. I'm a realist & I've noticed a lot of people with depression share that line of thinkin of seeing through all the bull****. 

Ur right though, I bury my head in the sand because I don't know how to ignite that spark. I'm ashamed of myself so I hide away, drowning in my deep insecurities. 

And Suzi, I apply for everythin. I want to get into social care but I need more strings to my bow than tutoring. It p***** me off though how people with no experience at all can walk into a job  :(think): .

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## Jaquaia

You won't find friends if you hide yourself away. Contact Mind, see if they have any groups you can attend. Everyone is in the same boat as you so it might be easier knowing people there understand. Look into CBT, it can help change your thinking and enable you to deal with things easier. Also, have a look on fb to see if there are any depression support groups in your local area. A guy near me started one and now they've started having meet ups which are easier as we can all support each other.

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Angie (12-04-17),Flo (12-04-17)

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## Suzi

Sweetheart, it is so hard to drag yourself up and out of the state you are in, but hunni you've been a member here for a long time, but you haven't actually changed your situation much at all. Go to the jobcentre, get help with your CV, get interview help etc and do it.

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## SA89

> You won't find friends if you hide yourself away. Contact Mind, see if they have any groups you can attend. Everyone is in the same boat as you so it might be easier knowing people there understand. Look into CBT, it can help change your thinking and enable you to deal with things easier. Also, have a look on fb to see if there are any depression support groups in your local area. A guy near me started one and now they've started having meet ups which are easier as we can all support each other.


I've shut myself away mostly ever since I was born. For me its not just a passing loneliness, its a loneliness that's persisted with me since I was about 5. Thats why I think there's no hope for me because I'm far beyond repair  :=(: ..




> Sweetheart, it is so hard to drag yourself up and out of the state you are in, but hunni you've been a member here for a long time, but you haven't actually changed your situation much at all. Go to the jobcentre, get help with your CV, get interview help etc and do it.


I missed another 2 appointments so thats another 3 months sanction I reckon. Still have to pay my mum £200 a month as well regardless. My mums friend shouted at me the other day, calling me a 'half-wit' a 'lazy b******'. I can't really argue with that tbh, I'm a waste of space with nothin going for me. I remember havin a bit of energy about me in my teens playing football often for instance. Now I'm riddled with fatigue & my mind is clouded with profound despair. If only a superior being could wish away the deep insecurities I have about my mum, my reclusiveness, my lack of prospects. I think I'm close to being free now, thats all I'll say  :=(: ..

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## Jaquaia

So what are you going to do about it? I'm going to be blunt here and I'm genuinely sorry if it offends you, but sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you get better. You need to get yourself back to your doctor, discuss medication and get referred for counselling or CBT. No excuses on why you can't do that. If you want to get better, you will try and find a way. There are loads of meds out there that you can try. Contact MIND like I suggested, see what help they can offer. Try getting out of your room for a bit, even if it's just to sit in the garden for a bit to get some vitamin D. Nothing will change if you do nothing to change it. I know it's hard, but until you say enough is enough and force yourself to do things, nothing will change.

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## Suzi

I have to agree with Jaq. You need to get up, get out to the drs and do something positive. Why did you miss the appointments ?

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## SA89

> Nothing will change if you do nothing to change it. I know it's hard, but until you say enough is enough and force yourself to do things, nothing will change.


I agree, what's stopping me is my lack of self worth. I'm really self-conscious about being slim & short & on the dole. Even when I workout I don't put weight on. It upsets me so much when I see other guys with girlfriend's, even if they're just friends. It reminds me of everything I've never had.. I've been told I'm a good looking guy but I've been inaccessible my whole life, locked away in my bed cave. I need a shave as well & maybe a stylist  :(blush): . 




> I have to agree with Jaq. You need to get up, get out to the drs and do something positive. Why did you miss the appointments ?


I over-slept, probably because of my sleep pattern. Right now I'm thinkin why bother when I'm going to be sanctioned for months on end. I've applied for youth work but I need to somehow conjur up some suitable references. 

I guess thats positive in a way. I'm still on Setraline, my doctor won't even properly diagnose me. He dismisses me as socially anxious, that's why I'm restricted to 4 types of anti-depressants. I'm classed as 'moderately depressed' even though I've been low for years  :(think): .

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## Jaquaia

Can you see a different doctor? See if there's one with an interest in mental health at your practise? 
And I get the lack of self worth. I'm very self-conscious about being short and fat, plus I have a form of alopecia. I've slowly learnt to fake confidence. It does actually work to an extent.

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## Suzi

The thing is oversleeping really is a crap excuse for not going... 
You aren't going to be able to get references if you spend all day in bed. Get up, find "something" to do - volunteer/ offer to go into schools to help with ta work or listening to readers/ Do you have a local prison? They are always on the lookout for people to help look after babies/younger children on visiting days etc.. To be honest, I think you need to try to apply for anything and everything - doesn't matter if it's stacking shelves, but everything will help to build up a CV and get you a reference....

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## SA89

Right I'm a bit drunk right now with my head ringing like a broken telephone but I feel compelled to indulge you on my night out.

I went out with my brother & cousin, I had about 4 drinks, we met a few familiar faces yada yada. The thing is, I was up dancing all night yet all it did was remind me how uncomfortable an experience the club scene is. Dancing with strangers like a lemon, desperate for these girls to notice me, how sad is that?  :(blush): . 

Meanwhile my brother went down a backstreet with 3 girls & it made me feel awful tbh because I'm desperate for that affection that comes so easily for him. Everywhere we went he had beautiful girls giving him attention. At 1 point they told me to sit with their drink whilst they scurried away with him. It made me feel like a spare part, a courier for them to entertain my brother. 

It got me out of the house so thats something I guess & its amazing what a few drinks can do to ur energy levels. Its just the same old though, people braggin to me about their wives & kids while I make a t*** of myself on the dancefloor. Oh & I necked my Setraline with a vodka & coke, not sure what effect that will have  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

1) That's not affection. There is NOTHING affectionate about a quick shag in a street alleyway. NEVER confuse those two. 
2) Drinking on medication is NEVER a good idea. 
3) I'm glad you got out. But clubbing is something you've never enjoyed and is a really fake situation for so many reasons.

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## SA89

Right brace yourselves here because I've got quite an interesting update to share with u all.

Ok so where do I start with this one  :(think): .. The past week I feel like I've had some kind of epiphany. Why u say? Simple really, I did some *proper* socializing for the first time in ages. Last Friday I went to a barbecue. 2 days later I went to a communion party gathering then went town from 2-12 partying. And now I've just come off a 3 day stint camping in the lovely open nature in a friends caravan. Its really opened my mind & for the first time in all my life I have a sudden ambition to learn to drive. And you know what's really interesting? I did all of this after coming off my Setraline. I'm using energy that's been lost in reserve from the suppression of medication.  

But here's were it gets a bit dark.. I haven't stopped crying since I quit my pills. I randomly seem to burst into tears uncontrollably, possibly fueled further by alcohol  :=(: . As bleak as that sounds I'm grateful to be *feeling* something again. My doctor gave me Mitazipine again to try but right now I'm saying f*** this  :^):  I want to take *control* of my life so I'm running free without drugs in my system & it feels f***** liberating tbh. 

I've also signed up for a brief taster course at college in health and social. In addition I'm now seeing a counselor every fortnight. What I've opened my mind towards in the past week has been a *massive* eye opener to me & that's the life I want for good. I want a car, a job in social care, a girlfriend, a wife & my own family. I know I'm playing a very dangerous game right now but if I sit back like a guinea pig and let these doctors feed me I'll never break free from this s*** existence that has been my life purgatory.

My soul is still tortured by deep rooted loneliness but I've seen what life could be like & it could be so much more  :Panda: .

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## Paula

That's wonderful news  :):  long may it continue!

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## Suzi

OMG That's the most positive post I've ever heard from you! That's awesome! I'm so thrilled for you!

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## SA89

How do you keep the black dog on a leash because I can feel myself slippin  :S: .. I know that u should avoid triggers but its easier said than done. My personal triggers have been well documented here which are oc loneliness & havin no career goin for me.

How can u ignore these triggers when everywhere u turn its slapped in ur face?. When I returned from camping its been miserable to be back at my council house with my sociopathic brother again.. I feel like I'll never get to experience whats its like to have my own car, a loving partner, my own house & a career. 

I feel trapped on benefits on a s*** council estate. I want to get into social care as well. There just seems to be so many hurdles & its like some have it made (those in big families who go on trips often etc). I'm getting nowhere on these shallow dating sites either & I'm a good lookin decent lad with lots to offer  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

How long have you been off your meds lovely? Did you come off them slowly or just stop cold turkey? 
If you're that unhappy living at home have you thought about moving out? Maybe making the life that you want?

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## SA89

> How long have you been off your meds lovely? Did you come off them slowly or just stop cold turkey? 
> If you're that unhappy living at home have you thought about moving out? Maybe making the life that you want?


I stopped cold turkey & ya know what? I feel liberated. The first week was rough as I was crying a lot uncontrollably out of the blue. That was exasperated by the alcohol. I was in floods of tears the next day from drinkin despite only having a pint or so. 

I feel like my mind is more 'clear' though to an extent & I feel a bit more emotionally free. So I'm runnin without them because I think we should question everythin regardless of what the 'system' tell us, in this case paid doctors. 

I've been workin out twice a week & I'm gonna look into some foods that are high in serotonine. Btw is health & social a good career to get into & is there lots of opportunities?. I'm doin a taster at college but I'm adamant to not be wipin arses for a livin  :(blush): .

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## Paula

These paid doctors have trained and worked all their lives (and work bloody long hours too) to be able to help you with your health problems. They have to put up with constant abuse from patients, spend more time with other people's families than their own, they're constantly fighting against being overworked, they're underpaid, and they deal with underfunded working conditions 100% of the time.

I don't wish to be harsh but, if you don't respect others, they're not going to respect you.

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## SA89

> These paid doctors have trained and worked all their lives (and work bloody long hours too) to be able to help you with your health problems. They have to put up with constant abuse from patients, spend more time with other people's families than their own, they're constantly fighting against being overworked, they're underpaid, and they deal with underfunded working conditions 100% of the time.
> 
> I don't wish to be harsh but, if you don't respect others, they're not going to respect you.


What do u mean if u don't respect others they're not going to respect u? I don't understand the context.

Who am I not respecting?. Ask anyone who knows me & they'll tell u I'm nothing but respectful, always have been. I'm the polar opposite of what my brother is. Are u assuming I don't respect people on dating sites?. If so then thats wrong & I'm sick of us guys being stereotyped as 'playa' types. 

In regards to doctors, how is that relevant to me going cold turkey after years of being fed pills simply because its the only percieved 'solution'?. I've tried the 4 main AD' at various doses for several years so now I'm quittin them. So far I'm glad I did despite the initial rough patch. Question everythin anyone tells u in this world. That's including doctors who are paid handsomely by the NHS. Only u know ur mind  :(think): .

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## Jaquaia

Paid handsomely by the NHS? Really? Don't believe everything the Government and the media tells you. And for the record, there are actually 27 licensed antidepressants on the market. There aren't 4 main ones, there are common ones that tend to work better for most people. Quite frankly, I think advising people to question everything doctors tell you, is dangerous and short-sighted. They undergo 10 years of training just to be able to practice as a GP and are constantly having to train to keep up with new treatments and developments. Google is not an adequate resource. And that's the problem with depression isn't it, we're quite often not in our right mind. I haven't seen a single GP who thinks pills are the only solution; counselling, CBT, mindfulness, exercise to name but a few.

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Paula (07-07-17)

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## Suzi

SA - sweetheart, doctors deserve far more pay then they get and Paula and Jaq are right  - there are many other meds, not just 4 and there are loads of different options for therapy. 
Re social and care work - what kind of job is it you want? Surely as you've been talking about it for as long as I've known you, you'd have followed what jobs come vacant etc? As to not spending your time "wiping arses" I find that incredibly insensitive and that shows no respect to the client base at all. My Mum worked in an old peoples nursing home for years and I am a fully qualified teacher working in a special school who has helped students with their welfare needs so please don't suggest that there is anything wrong with that at all. 

I'm glad you think you're doing OK without the meds, but stopping cold turkey really isn't the best plan - and if your mh is going to crash then it's more likely to after cold turkey....

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## Paula

I made absolutely no reference to dating, dating sites or 'playa's'.  My comments referred to your attitude towards our incredible health system and the people who staff it - who go to work every day solely with the aim of helping people

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## SA89

> I made absolutely no reference to dating, dating sites or 'playa's'.  My comments referred to your attitude towards our incredible health system and the people who staff it - who go to work every day solely with the aim of helping people


Ah well I apologize but I don't have an attitude with the health system. I'm just at a point were it feels like they feed me these pills just to get me out the door, its like I'm going round in circles & that's pretty much the reason why I've quit these pills. 




> SA - sweetheart, doctors deserve far more pay then they get and Paula and Jaq are right  - there are many other meds, not just 4 and there are loads of different options for therapy. 
> Re social and care work - what kind of job is it you want? Surely as you've been talking about it for as long as I've known you, you'd have followed what jobs come vacant etc? As to not spending your time "wiping arses" I find that incredibly insensitive and that shows no respect to the client base at all. My Mum worked in an old peoples nursing home for years and I am a fully qualified teacher working in a special school who has helped students with their welfare needs so please don't suggest that there is anything wrong with that at all. 
> 
> I'm glad you think you're doing OK without the meds, but stopping cold turkey really isn't the best plan - and if your mh is going to crash then it's more likely to after cold turkey....


I think the pills gave me the illusion that they were 'helping' my depression but really I can't see much difference from being off them, granted its been 2 weeks. My depression is categorized as 'moderate' I think from what what CBT tests have revealed. So in that respect maybe they wouldn't affect me as they would someone with severe depression. Although my depression has been persistent throughout my twenties. I went out tonight, got absolutely off my trolley and I was the life & soul of the party. I was going up to people and chatting with a confidence I've not felt for as long as I can remember & this is 2 weeks since goin cold turkey from Setraline. I even smooched with a lady who happened to be a manager. Its like I'm using energy that's been in reserve for so long that was suppressed from the medication. That's why I say question everything if ur on the moderate scale at least. With regards to social care I just want to work face to face with people with various issues really from the psychological aspect. 




> Paid handsomely by the NHS? Really? Don't believe everything the Government and the media tells you. And for the record, there are actually 27 licensed antidepressants on the market. There aren't 4 main ones, there are common ones that tend to work better for most people. Quite frankly, I think advising people to question everything doctors tell you, is dangerous and short-sighted. They undergo 10 years of training just to be able to practice as a GP and are constantly having to train to keep up with new treatments and developments. Google is not an adequate resource. And that's the problem with depression isn't it, we're quite often not in our right mind. I haven't seen a single GP who thinks pills are the only solution; counselling, CBT, mindfulness, exercise to name but a few.


I should have re-phrased it better tbh, with mine at least it feels like I'm goin round in circles, I dunno.. He did tell me to make lifestyle changes & stop searching for this 'magic' pill. I guess its because he's been my GP for so long now that I've just been really frustrated with the lack of progress on my depression and anxiety. The last 2 weeks though I've been like a completely different person socially. People who see me day to day have said they're shocked because they see me as being the 'nice lad in his room'. In regards to anti-depressants they only prescribe the 4 main types at my GP. I've spoke to them several times about what's on offer.

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## Suzi

Why are you going out and "got absolutely off my trolley"? Alcohol is not going to help depression at all. You really aren't helping yourself in this respect at all. 

No GP will only prescribe 4 anti d's when there are so many on offer.

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## SA89

> Why are you going out and "got absolutely off my trolley"? Alcohol is not going to help depression at all. You really aren't helping yourself in this respect at all. 
> 
> No GP will only prescribe 4 anti d's when there are so many on offer.


I was plannin to only drink orange juice but 1 beer led to another. I had like 2 dbbl whiskey & coke & 3 half lagers so I was just the right side of merry. 

I don't endorse alcohol in any way but last night was 1 of the best nights out I've had in ages. In fact the last 2 weeks for me have felt so liberating for me socially. Last night I went out at 12 midnight & came home at 7am, dancin to great music.

The kiss I shared with someone was an amazing feelin as well because their was a spark there & natural chat. I nearly got into a fight though with my cousin by the end of the night which was ashame. He assumed I was filmin him when I was simply wavin my phone in my hand. 

I've def seen his true colours now, he's vile. He's the type to brag about trying to  get 'laid' & he loves to brag how physically bigger he is than me. Even brags about his mcdonalds job to me like I care. He has the personality of a brick so lies about havin sex & stuff  :(think): . 

If u've read this wall of text congratulations. Oh ye to Paula I'm sorry if anythin was taken out of context. I know were ur comin from & I hope u know wr I was comin from  :(blush): .

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## Suzi

You have to be responsible for the amount you are drinking. You are in control of how much you are consuming.

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## SA89

> You have to be responsible for the amount you are drinking. You are in control of how much you are consuming.


Ye I know when to stop me, usually around 5ish. I'm surprised I haven't felt emotional today from the hangover effect. I think maybe because it was such a good night thats why & I pushed all sorts of fears about partyin with strangers & talkin to girls. 

The irony is if I didn't consume any alcohol it may have been a more boring night. I need to break free from my cousin though because he is not a pleasant person to be around. Even if I'm drunk I never get aggressive, people wr sayin how lovely they think I am because theres not a malicious bone in my body. I'm dreadin my birthday in a few weeks if it means goin out with him again tbh but theres no one else I can go out with  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

It's a really dangerous game to play feeling that you need the alcohol to have a fun night....

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## SA89

> It's a really dangerous game to play feeling that you need the alcohol to have a fun night....


Definitely, just to be clear though I've only had a few drinks recently because I've been socialising & getting out more.

You've known me on this forum for a while now & I can say right now I feel as good as I have for some time & its down to me gettin out there this past fortnight. I'm aware though that I could come crashing down like a deck of cards so I'm takin it 1 day at a time. On the flip side I've not progressed on the career front whatsoever (unless you count enrollin on a taster course). 

Right now I'm just gonna volunteer & see what sticks because I need some purpose. I need to get references from social care somehow because my tutorin was 3 months & you need more than that. Lookin at Admin volunteerin as well to gain another string to my bow  :(blush): .

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## Paula

That's such a positive post - well done  :):

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## Suzi

Well done!  :):

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## SA89

I don't get some people at all.. Some girl on facebook blocked me for no reason whatsoever. I was chatting with her, we had a spark, even kissed & when I asked for a date she said "Ye definitely but next week caus im busy". So I left it at that caus I don't constantly text people as thats just weird.

And now she's removed me from her friend list for no reason whatsoever. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but to me it is because for once I thought I had a chance with someone. I'm f***** sick of this happenin to me  :=(: . When I get a glimmer of hope nothing comes of it. 

I thought I was finally going somewhere, how foolish was I to even hope for a better life. Everyday is a struggle fighting this gut wrenching loneliness. Why do people do this.. I just want to know what its like to be loved  :=(: ...

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## Suzi

Apart from things with this woman, are things still going OK?

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## SA89

> Apart from things with this woman, are things still going OK?


Ye I think so suzi, I've been a bit productive by contacting places regarding volunteering & attendin my appointments.

Today though I feel like I've taken a step back again  :(think): .. My cousin were just braggin that he's getting "bitches" as he puts it which hurt me after getting that random cold shoulder on facebook. 

I'm sick of feelin like I'm competing with him & my brother to find affection. I want to focus on myself but its hard when they don't shut up about getting a woman. Its a massive insecurity for me so I could do without the bragging... They're also braggin about scoring my brothers gram of coke (& I ain't talkin fizzy pop). 

My birthday is also loomin soon on tuesday so I'm anxious about that as well (28, god I feel old  :(blush): ). I really don't want to go out with them just caus "theres no one else to go out with". I'm trying to keep busy atm anyway whatever way I can. I'm still so far away from tackling my insecurities despite some progress of late. Is it really so hard to ask what others have in life?. 

Sorry again for the wall of text, I feel guilty after typing that much  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

Have you thought about moving out? Getting away from them?

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## Paula

You don't need to apologise for talking, hunni  :):

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## SA89

> Have you thought about moving out? Getting away from them?


Hmm.. I think I've got it easy with my mum so thats why I'm still here & I would feel even more lonely. 

By the way I am an absolute pudding after last night. To summarise quite briefly, I got a taxi into town at 4am to meet my chav brothers ex at a nightclub. Me being the doughnut I am I waited outside the club for 2 hours in the p***** rain to see if she would come out (couldn't justify the £5.00 entry fee) And surprise surprise she didn't.. and there was a riot with about 20 people fighting. I also had bystanders approachin me for "business" aka coke when I don't even smoke let alone!.. 

Then after walkin all the way back home I returned to hear her in my brothers bed. Oh & I was blocked again for no reason whatsoever from a girl on a dating site despite havin a great non-sexual conversation with her about the tutoring I did. People eh?  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

You can tell I'm really old - getting a taxi into town at 4am sounds ridiculous to me!

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## Amaya

Happy birthday for yesterday!  :):

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## Paula

I'm sorry, hunni, I didn't realise! 28?  :(party):

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## Suzi

Oh no! I missed it! Sorry lovely.. How was it?

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## SA89

I feel awful today, got drunk last night & now that gut wrenching loneliness is rising to the surface again.. This loneliness encompasses everythin from sexual frustration, lack of companionship, lack of routine, status  :=(: ..

The irony is I went out with quite a few friends and I'm doing more socially than I have for as long as I can remember. But when I go out drinking it fuels this deep despair I have inside me of never havin a relationship. I'm 28 ffs & have never experienced what it means to be loved. My brothers ex was grindin on me in a club and kissin me & I felt nothin.. I made sure she got home alright, gathered her belongings each time she dropped it because that's the kind of guy I am. I have a good heart but I'm a f***** doormat.

These clubs are a competition for sex & are really self-sabotaging for my self-esteem. Because I always return feelin even more sexually frustrated & depressed from the alcohol & then I retreat to porn, it's a vicious circle of self-loathing  :(think): .. 
I know there's guys out there who are sufferin with this loneliness the way I am.. On the bright side I attended a voluntary interview to work with special needs children and completed the online safeguarding certificate. Whether that comes to fruition remains to be seen, rejection is part of my miserable existence after all  :(think): ..

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## Amaya

I think you could do with a new social circle and maybe you are going to the wrong clubs. Years ago when I used to go out clubbing I would go to more alternative places, there are lots of people there really just for the music and the dancing and to make friends.. sometimes there are not such the 'meat market' of the pop clubs.. if you know what I mean. You might meet other people through volunteer work too. It sounds like you did your best not to take advantage of your brother's ex. That can't have been easy if you are so lonely. Maybe you could investigate hobbies, clubs, sports or something that is more in the daytime where you would meet people without having to get drunk? If you can build a social circle with more positive people around you for friends in the first place, the girlfriend finding will happen automatically one day without you having to focus on it.

I hope it isn't easy though. Building new friendships takes a long time and it is hard when you are already depressed to get up the enthusiasm and selfconfidence to try it.

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## Paula

Alcohol is a depressant, lovely, so I'm not surprised it had that effect on you. You've been doing so well recently so I hope things will look up when you're over the effects of last night.  And that's great news about the interview - well done  :):

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## Suzi

I completely agree with Emmy and Paula. I'm not going to give you the alcohol lecture again... Try something new - it might help...

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## SA89

> I think you could do with a new social circle and maybe you are going to the wrong clubs. Years ago when I used to go out clubbing I would go to more alternative places, there are lots of people there really just for the music and the dancing and to make friends.. sometimes there are not such the 'meat market' of the pop clubs.. if you know what I mean. You might meet other people through volunteer work too. It sounds like you did your best not to take advantage of your brother's ex. That can't have been easy if you are so lonely. Maybe you could investigate hobbies, clubs, sports or something that is more in the daytime where you would meet people without having to get drunk? If you can build a social circle with more positive people around you for friends in the first place, the girlfriend finding will happen automatically one day without you having to focus on it.
> 
> I hope it isn't easy though. Building new friendships takes a long time and it is hard when you are already depressed to get up the enthusiasm and selfconfidence to try it.


Thanks Emmy, that's great advice and your spot on. Whenever I go out for a drink I feel like I'm glued to my arrogant cousin. Last Friday however I actually went out with new people which was refreshing, although one of them happens to be my brothers ex. She brought along her friend though which was great and I was also with one of my old friends who is a lesbian. My cousin somehow still managed to find me in a bar which p***** me off & I inevitably was left with him by the end of the night. 

Prior to that on my birthday last Tuesday I went out with my awful brother & was kicked out of a club because he was caught sniffin drugs, guilt by association you could say. And yeah volunteering has been an eye opener for me in the past, a taste of what its like to be around great people away from the culture of drinking. I need to take more initiative and make plans when I meet some of these people. Regarding finding a girlfriend, I can't begin to tell you how much I've stressed myself out over the years, desperate for some form of affection. I can feel myself slowly becoming more independent but its like I'm playing catch up with people who have years of independance under the belt. I'm 28, its ridiculous  :S: ..   




> Alcohol is a depressant, lovely, so I'm not surprised it had that effect on you. You've been doing so well recently so I hope things will look up when you're over the effects of last night.  And that's great news about the interview - well done


Thanks, it's only weekends I go out for a drink & its difficult to resist when your out in that culture. If I was self-assured in other areas of my life it wouldn't affect me as much emotionally. I'm quite the dancer when I'm out lol  :(blush): . Although when I glanced at myself in 1 of those big mirrors on the dance floor I noticed how short I was compared to the other guys & my self esteem came crashing down as you'd expect.. I'm good looking but short (5'5  :(blush): ..). I've always been known as that "quiet lad in his bedroom" so I'm slowly trying to address my lifestyle. I've tackled it head on recently but it's very much a work in progress so I'm very wary of the importance of keeping busy  :(nod): .

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## Paula

Hey, hunni, my hubby's  5'6" and my dad's 5'5 1/2" and to me they are heroes. Height is not important  :O:

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## Suzi

Definitely height isn't important!

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## SA89

I'm feeling anxious about Friday because it's the weekend & that means alcohol  :S: .. Not just that though, I may be going out again with my brothers ex and her friend for a few drinks. It's an uncomfortable situation because I get on well with her but she was in a relationship with my vile "brother" (& I use that term loosely because I despise him).

He doesn't even know I kissed her last week. She's not been with him for a while though so I'm not doing anything wrong right?  :(think): . He's an extremely volatile person so if he found out he would potentially go psycho. This scumbag even pulled a knife on me once so I know what he's capable of. I'm not a "playa" by any means but I'm so lonely & it was refreshin to go out with them last week. My mums also worried about me going out with her again. Ideally I'd go out with her friend instead but I get on more with the other. I wish I wasn't so sexually frustrated but I am & its a really depressing feeling. You can understand my dilemna right?  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Why does it mean alcohol? You don't have to drink....

To be honest this sounds like trouble. Why risk it upsetting everything just to go out with her - unless you are going out with her because you like her etc...

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## SA89

> Why does it mean alcohol? You don't have to drink....
> 
> To be honest this sounds like trouble. Why risk it upsetting everything just to go out with her - unless you are going out with her because you like her etc...


I don't drink much at all, about 3-4 is my limit. I've noticed the best nights out are when I've been a bit merry. I've been on nights out on just orange juice & they've been forgettable. A few pints gets you on the dancefloor but I stop when I'm just merry.

It's her friends birthday so I'm not going for the ex in question. I just want a laugh because the alternative is stayin in by myself & thats miserable on a weekend. My "brother" thinks he can control everyone but I've slowly learned to stand up to him. I'm doin weights as well to try & bulk up my physique.

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## Suzi

I hope that you have fun...

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## Paula

Have a fab weekend, hunni  :):

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## SA89

Well its all kicked off & I've been threatened to have my throat slit with a knife. I really don't wanna exist anymore, I don't feel safe at all around this person  :=(: ..

You were right Suzi, it really isn't worth the trouble, I should have thought with my head & not the other head. She instigated this & not once did I ask to go for a drink with her. I always asked her to bring her friends. She came onto to me & kissed me when she was drunk & it didn't go further. I told him straight up & now he's gone psycho as usual. I didn't back down, I was screamin "YEAH UR A COWARD CAUS U ALWAYS HAVE TO RELY ON A WEAPON". I'm disgusted how my mum was in between me & him to break it up. 

I'm not goin for a drink again with his ex, nothings worth this, not even sexual frustration. I was wrong but to threaten someone by sayin " ill find u & slit ur throat" is vile when I only went for a drink. I stayed at my mums friends last night with my mum because we dont feel safe in our own house. I'm dreadin goin home & my mums scared as well, its not right  :=(: ..

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## Paula

I'm so sorry this has happened. As you say, it's probably best you stay away from this girl although I can understand how difficult it must be to have your social life dictated to you by your brother.

Have you and your mum spoken to the Police about these threats - if you're both scared he could attack you, he really needs to be stopped somehow ....

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## Suzi

Definitely get to the police and tell them what's happened. This is not right in any shape or form.

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## SA89

> I'm so sorry this has happened. As you say, it's probably best you stay away from this girl although I can understand how difficult it must be to have your social life dictated to you by your brother.
> 
> Have you and your mum spoken to the Police about these threats - if you're both scared he could attack you, he really needs to be stopped somehow ....


I've said to her if he ever pulls a knife like he did a while ago then the police have to get involved. My mum would be hesistant though because he's her son & he's said how he hates "grasses". On Friday he voiced these threats explicitly so I went & stayed at a flat for the weekend with my mum & her friends. 

Now I'm back home & it's like everythin is brushed under the rug again with him swannin about smokin weed. He really is the most vile person you could wish to meet. It was nice to get away from this environment for a bit & I went to the local pub as well without a drop of alcohol which I'm quite proud of (gets me very emotional  :=(: ). I still feel like my depression isn't lifting & thats because my situation remains stagnant despite recent progress.

It's even worse when people tell me how decent & good lookin I am because it reminds me how inept I've been socially & lacking independence. I'm slowly waking up to this & trying to break free somehow. I also need to stop thinkin that having a girlfriend will solve all my insecurities  :(think): ..

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## Paula

I know it's hard to see when you're in the middle of it all, but that post has so many positives and shows how far you've already come in so many ways  :):

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## Suzi

I am so proud of you reading that post! I know you're struggling a bit atm, but I wanted to also say that you are sounding so much more mature and completely different than you have done in the past. You aren't blaming everyone and everything else for the way that you are feeling - you have acknowledged that your situation isn't great, but you are trying to do things to change it. That's huge. 
The fact you are staying to protect your Mum is completely admirable and I think it's so lovely - but really your brother sounds completely out of control and sounds like he could do with some professional help. 

I also wanted to say that I've noticed you venturing out of your thread and posting on others recently, with really good, kind and caring comments. Just wanted you to know that I've noticed and it's so lovely to see. You really have changed and it's lovely..

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Paula (31-07-17)

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## Amaya

It seems to me like you are one sort of person inside, living in a world that expects you to be another kind of person. I think if you change your life, whether that involves changes to one or all of the following: where you live, where you work, your friends, family, your hobbies, where you go out, or if you go out drinking at all.. then you will have a chance to be who you really are. You might need professional support to deal with the self esteem issues, but you could lose a lot of the stress and negative reinforcement by just doing something else completely. Sorry if I am repeating myself a bit from what I have said before. Your environment is toxic for you. There is nothing wrong with you apart from how you feel about yourself.. but feeling like that keeps you doing things that reflect badly on you, like kissing the wrong girl etc. and this just reinforces the bad way you feel. Same with the drinking.

I would say just stop doing the things that you know are bad for you. Start doing something that are different. Sport club instead of night club.. for example. There will be a difficult inbetween period where you won't know if you will ever make a new social circle.. but it will slowly grow and you will be able to make a fresh start and act the way you want to instead of dealing with the bull :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  that you have around you now. You can be yourself.

It is really cheesy and probably kinda annoying to read, but a therapist said it to me once: If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always had. Time to switch it up. For those things you want for yourself.. you can have them  :): 

Not sure what the situation with your brother and mum needs.. probably he should be kicked out. But if that is not possible, maybe you two could move house. Maybe you could live on your own. All I know is I read your posts and I think you gotta change it all. Get some control back over the basic things in your life and see a therapist for the internal things you can't change alone.

(Do ignore me if my advice doesn't help, it is a bit strong I know, it is just my opinion and I was hoping it would help.)

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## SA89

> It seems to me like you are one sort of person inside, living in a world that expects you to be another kind of person. I think if you change your life, whether that involves changes to one or all of the following: where you live, where you work, your friends, family, your hobbies, where you go out, or if you go out drinking at all.. then you will have a chance to be who you really are. You might need professional support to deal with the self esteem issues, but you could lose a lot of the stress and negative reinforcement by just doing something else completely.
> 
> I would say just stop doing the things that you know are bad for you. Start doing something that are different. Sport club instead of night club.. for example. There will be a difficult inbetween period where you won't know if you will ever make a new social circle.. but it will slowly grow and you will be able to make a fresh start and act the way you want to instead of dealing with the bull that you have around you now. You can be yourself.
> 
> It is really cheesy and probably kinda annoying to read, but a therapist said it to me once: If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always had. Time to switch it up. For those things you want for yourself.. you can have them 
> 
> Not sure what the situation with your brother and mum needs.. probably he should be kicked out. But if that is not possible, maybe you two could move house. Maybe you could live on your own. All I know is I read your posts and I think you gotta change it all. Get some control back over the basic things in your life and see a therapist for the internal things you can't change alone.
> 
> (Do ignore me if my advice doesn't help, it is a bit strong I know, it is just my opinion and I was hoping it would help.)


Hey Amaya, this is great advice & I want you to know that it's appreciated, I even go back & read these posts from time to time. Anyway your spot on with what you said & it's interesting that I felt really positive a few weeks ago by simply being more active socially. I was attending barbecues, pubs & went camping for 3 days. Now I seemed to have crashed again back into my routine of sleeping till 5pm & it's f***** me up. My depression & anxiety have been pretty bad these past few days because I'm once again in a pit of uncertainty. I'll still see those people who I went camping with but it's not a frequent thing as they have their own lives & the girl I went out with last week well, that's mentioned above..

A lot of people with anxiety are "stars that can't shine". I'm seeing a counselor weekly so that's somethin because I've been cold turkey off anti-depressants for about a month or so now. 




> I am so proud of you reading that post! I know you're struggling a bit atm, but I wanted to also say that you are sounding so much more mature and completely different than you have done in the past. You aren't blaming everyone and everything else for the way that you are feeling - you have acknowledged that your situation isn't great, but you are trying to do things to change it. That's huge. 
> The fact you are staying to protect your Mum is completely admirable and I think it's so lovely - but really your brother sounds completely out of control and sounds like he could do with some professional help. 
> 
> I also wanted to say that I've noticed you venturing out of your thread and posting on others recently, with really good, kind and caring comments. Just wanted you to know that I've noticed and it's so lovely to see. You really have changed and it's lovely..


Thanks that means a lot. I wish I could say I've changed but I feel like I need to validate it first by getting a job or a girlfriend or a car first. That's just how my f***** up anxious mind works  :(blush): .. I'm forever in a bubble of uncertainty because I have nothing concrete like everyone else has like a happy relationship or whatever. I'm often belittled for not having a job or a girlfriend so if I can improve in those areas maybe my depression will lift somewhat.

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## SA89

By the way I really envy most people because most people in life don't have to deal with depression. They get "fed up" that's it over a relationship break up or whatever. Imagine if we moaned about our depression the way they do about their trivial break ups. Oh what I'd give to just be "fed up" like most people & not suffer with this despair every waking day. 

Most people go through life just being "fed" up nothing more which is temporary. To deal with depression & anxiety every single day of your life is incomprehensible. It stays with us simmering under the surface. It's an epidemic in society yet there's still a massive stigma. I'm just grateful that I have this forum as a solitude (I even said this to my counselor) because out there in the real world my depression is hidden under a mask of shame  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

You've not mentioned wanting a car before. 
Do you think your mood is slipping the longer you are off your meds? Have you told your GP yet that you stopped them?

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## SA89

> You've not mentioned wanting a car before. 
> Do you think your mood is slipping the longer you are off your meds? Have you told your GP yet that you stopped them?


I really don't wanna go back on them Suzi, they trick you into thinkin they work when they don't. As soon as I stopped them I did so much socially, what does that tell you?. And yeah my GP knows & told me to continue with the counselling & getting out more. The reason I've been more anxious & depressed lately is because I've been ruminating in my room all day wereas 2 weeks ago I broke it up somewhat by socialising elsewhere. 

I'm not sure were I stand with this volunteering either for special needs. I gave the woman everythin required & completed the online safeguarding. She said next term is september so does that mean i'm involved or what?  :^): . 

I became suddenly interested in driving after my camping trip, it envied me how convenient it is & it looks so relaxing on the motorway with some great music  :(blush): . I just wish I had a job to pay for this, its embarrassing being on benefits.. Anyway my druggie "brother" is manipulating my mum to lie for him to the dealers who he owes money so I best go. Sorry again for overloading you with this wall of information  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

You don't have to go back on the meds at all - your body, your choice. Can you find other ways to get out of your room and do different things? Is there a playscheme near you that you could get involved with? Are you involved with your local church for example? What about doing an online course - no it might not get you out of the house all the time, but it could help towards it - there are loads of free courses online. What about volunteering as a scout leader? You gain great experience, shows a commitment of working with children and will give you a good reference to put on your CV... 

Call the woman about the volunteering. 
Talk to your Mum. Your brother is so far out of control.

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## Amaya

I like the suggestions Suzi has made  :): 

How is it going? Is everything okay with your mum?
I feel like she needs to say no to him because she is the parent, even if you guys are adults now. If you are always in between you will never move forwards yourself because all your energy is used up by your brother's problems and your mum's lack of boundaries.

Sorry to always say such blunt things on your thread.

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## SA89

I'm just f***** up right now again with my anxiety & depression.. It's embarrassing that at 28 years old I suffer with the same low self esteem & insecurities I did when I was younger.  

I'll take ur advice on for sure guys, right now though I'm not even in a functioning state. I'm literally sleeping throughout the day. I haven't done my weights either this week & now I'm  constantly lookin in the mirror to see how much muscle ive lost. I hate how slim & short I am.

Thats how my mind operates, I over analyse everythin.. This anxiety has plagued my entire existence.. I don't speak to my "brother" whatsoever but subconsciously I feel really uncomfortable just off the vibe thats in his presence. So yeah thats a somewhat quick update. I've lost control again on my state of mind  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

Sweetheart are you sure this isn't the effects from the cold turkey of your meds? 
What about setting alarms?

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## Paula

Big hugs, lovely  :(bear):

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## Amaya

I am almost ten years older and still struggling with problems I have had all my life. It is not embarassing. It is just a question of getting the right support to work through things and making the healthy choices in life so that you change things. If we both do that from now on.. well then you will have still done the right thing ten years earlier than me! It can all get better.. even when it doesn't feel like it.

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Suzi (13-08-17)

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## SA89

I've been asked to go to Turkey for a week in September with my mum & her friend. If I don't go the alternative would be stayin in the house with my b****** "brother". He'll be invitin his druggie friends over & gettin drunk every night. 

The thing is I've been to Turkey before & if anythin it made my loneliness worse because the women are very defensive due to their culture. Not to mention I was surrounded by beautuful couples. Its £200 quid for a week plus extra for spending. A change of scenery doesn't change my depression so I'm worried i'll be wastin my money  :(think): . Oh & thanks for your kind words & yeah my anxiety was better on the meds but the depression was still as bad.

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## Suzi

Actually a change of scenery sounds good and although you're going with your Mum and her friend it still might be fun and you might get to meet new people and potentially make some new friends....

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## Amaya

Or you could take a holiday at the same time on your own somewhere and meet new people. Even somewhere in the UK not to far away. Do something you always wanted to try but never did. Then if you make any friendships the people won't be too far away. Just a thought.

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## SA89

I'm really anxious about this holiday because I know that Turkey has had some threat lately. Its been booked now for sept 26th so theres no turnin back. Its in Anya which is the central part of Turkey apparently. I'm also worried about getting some sleep over there because I struggle even at home.

The last time I went Turkey I was awake all night on some days which affected me the next day. My anxiety was horrendous because I couldn't stop thinkin of how s*** my life is back home (no prospects, no girlfriend etc..). A couple of week ago I would have been so excited because my confidence was on the rise but I've crashed freefall into a pit of despair again  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Can you try really hard to make sure that each negative you think you stop and counter it with a positive.. You might make new friends, you might have a brilliant time!

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## Amaya

It seems to me that you feel horrible about almost every aspect of your life right now. Do you think that if you weren't struggling with depression and anxiety that you would be enjoying the things that you have? Or is it the situations that are making you feel like this in the first place? To me it seems like the second one, but maybe it is a mix. I am just wondering why you keep going with things that you do not seem to want to do.. It would be my best wish for you that you could build a life for yourself that you could enjoy. Instead your energy is used for things that do not bring you happiness or peace.

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## SA89

> Can you try really hard to make sure that each negative you think you stop and counter it with a positive.. You might make new friends, you might have a brilliant time!


I'm sufferin so much suzi with my anxiety, I can't begin to describe how much pain I'm goin through  :S: . My heart is racing like its gonna burst out of my chest. I'm tense, agitated, fearful, emotional, depressed, everythin u can imagine.. I've booked a blood test to check I'm not anemic. I want the world the swallow me up because I'm curled up in bed & I don't know were else to turn  :=(: ..  




> It seems to me that you feel horrible about almost every aspect of your life right now. Do you think that if you weren't struggling with depression and anxiety that you would be enjoying the things that you have? Or is it the situations that are making you feel like this in the first place? To me it seems like the second one, but maybe it is a mix. I am just wondering why you keep going with things that you do not seem to want to do.. It would be my best wish for you that you could build a life for yourself that you could enjoy. Instead your energy is used for things that do not bring you happiness or peace.


Ur right Amaya, I feel like the only way i'll ever 'solve' my deep insecurities is to get a job & a girlfriend but it doesn't work like that because I have to love myself before anything. I think it's a mix of both the situation & my mental disorder. I hate being on benefits because I feel worthless & I hate having never experienced a relationship at the age of 28. My anxiety stemmed from when I was a kid. I remember being unusually shy compared to the other kids at school. I use to absolutely dread break times because I was always alone. I was a worrier even before the age of 7, how messed up is that!.

My anxiety was manageable 2 weeks ago because I was engaged with a new group of people. I felt on top of the world for the first time in ages. I had more energy as well from goin cold turkey but I've crashed massively recently. On top of that I'm now fretting about my holiday to Turkey because its a risky country. I'm hyperventaletin at the prospect when I should be excited  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Are you sure that you shouldn't go back to the Dr and tell them how you are feeling? I know you said you don't want to take the meds, but there might be one which suits you better and actually does help your depression?....

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## Amaya

It does sound like you might need to get some kind of medical help alongside making some changes in your life. Maybe therapy? Meds are always an option, but if you were anxious at such a young age then you probably need some very in depth therapeutic work. Are these new friends people you will see again do you think?

Anxiety is really debilitating. I am going through quite a crisis right now because of it and the only thing I can think is good advice is to get as much support as you can in every way, positive people in your social life and family.. and medical professionals who will really listen and explore the options with you. I would also stay away from people who are not good for your health. I had almost no social contacts when I had to go into hospital three months ago. It took a while, but I have two girls I meet up with regularly now and maybe a third too.. It was scary to start because you wonder what people will think of you.. but eventually with effort you can build a small network of supportive people who will enjoy spending time with you. I started by texting a lot of people I knew through my Dutch course and these were the only two that kept in touch. It was terrifying to start, try to open up to people. But now I know it was worth it.

About the holiday.. If it could be a positive time for you then it is worth fighting through the anxiety to the good time on the other side. I find anxiety is always worse before doing something and once you get started it usually reduces or goes away completely. However if it is not something you actually want, then why put yourself through it when you can just cancel. In other words, do what you want and don't let the anxiety boss you around. And whether you go on this holiday or not, I really hope you do have one because it sounds to me like you could really use one! Maybe you can make the deal with yourself that you are going to have a holiday and then all you have to do is choose between Turkey or somewhere else. I think a change of scenery will give you a good boost  :):

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## Paula

Oh hunni  :(bear): . I've always said that, rubbish as it is, I can manage depression but anxiety, on the other hand, completely screws up my life.  I do wish you would go back to see your GP ......

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## SA89

> It does sound like you might need to get some kind of medical help alongside making some changes in your life. Maybe therapy? Meds are always an option, but if you were anxious at such a young age then you probably need some very in depth therapeutic work. Are these new friends people you will see again do you think?
> 
> About the holiday.. If it could be a positive time for you then it is worth fighting through the anxiety to the good time on the other side. I find anxiety is always worse before doing something and once you get started it usually reduces or goes away completely. However if it is not something you actually want, then why put yourself through it when you can just cancel.


On Friday I had that exact same anxiety but I got up, had a shower & got myself down to the pub and I ended up chattin to a few people there. Some even shared their experiences with anxiety & I sat down with someone who told me deep stuff about being abused. It was reassuring to see that I'm not the only 1 with struggles & it shows that even in the midst of mental turmoil we can take action to alleviate it.

On Saturday I actually felt ok because I had that social contact the night before. Today however has been the same torture all over again with my anxiety  :S: . I've noticed my depression is twice as worse the moment I wake up, anyone else feel like that?. Its the most awful despair imaginable. It either improves as the day progresses or stays as bad as when first waking. I'm seein a counsellor for CBT & in regards to those friends they're more my mums friends & they're always busy.




> Are you sure that you shouldn't go back to the Dr and tell them how you are feeling? I know you said you don't want to take the meds, but there might be one which suits you better and actually does help your depression?....


They helped my anxiety but they didn't really help my depression because they make you more tired which in turn makes you even more un-motivated. At least now I have the motivation because I'm far less tired. The catch is that my anxiety is far worse so its a double edged sword. I'd take being less tired though anyday because I don't feel constricted by those side effects. 

Ruminating in my room all day is what's festering my negative thoughts & that triggers the anxiety into a vicious spiral. I've had Mitazipine in my draw for a while now but I refuse to take it because I've tried all 4 AD types countless times. My doctor won't give me any other options because he's restricted. As soon as I stopped I had a lease of life. It's such a relief to have my energy levels uncompromised by drugs. I need someone to give me a break now in voluntary or whatever to give me a routine. That's frustrating me atm  :(think): ..




> Oh hunni . I've always said that, rubbish as it is, I can manage depression but anxiety, on the other hand, completely screws up my life.  I do wish you would go back to see your GP ......


I saw my GP recently, he can't do anymore more than offer me the 4 main ADs which I've had 1000 times over. I'm having a blood test anyway this week so that should shed some light (or darkness  :S: ..). I think your right about depression being more manageable. They're both equally awful but anxiety is destructive both physically & mentally. Depression feeds into that anxiety because it circulates those negative thoughts. By the way did you mention somethin about Turkey before or was it someone else?. I'm going there in a few weeks & I'm very anxious about it..

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## Jaquaia

Did you know that there are medications that purely tackle anxiety? I take propanolol which, although technically a beta blocker, is used to treat the physical symptoms of anxiety. It helps massively to relieve the racing heartbeat and tight chest feeling I get. It might be something worth discussing with your gp, see if there's anything you can take to ease the anxiety while the CBT starts to work

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## Paula

Yes I did mention Turkey but that was an over protective mother trying to tell her 19 yo daughter what to do. So don't listen to me ....

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## Suzi

There are more than 4 ad's lovely - which ones have you tried? 
Jaq is right, it doesn't have to be an AD to help with anxiety...

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## SA89

> Did you know that there are medications that purely tackle anxiety? I take propanolol which, although technically a beta blocker, is used to treat the physical symptoms of anxiety. It helps massively to relieve the racing heartbeat and tight chest feeling I get. It might be something worth discussing with your gp, see if there's anything you can take to ease the anxiety while the CBT starts to work


My anxiety hasn't been as intense since the last couple days, its still very much present though bubbling beneath the surface. Its been more my depression, fluctuating between despair and somewhat on the edge of despair. When its the latter it tricks me into thinking its under control & that I'm doing fine. I'm aware this is a false dawn though  :S: .. Most importantly I need to get out of this bloody room & give myself a purpose, that's the best medicine I reckon..




> There are more than 4 ad's lovely - which ones have you tried? 
> Jaq is right, it doesn't have to be an AD to help with anxiety...


I've tried Setraline, Citalopram, Fluxotine & Mitazipine several times over at various doses. My doctor won't prescribe anythin else because they're considered the 'safe' options by NHS standards. These pills just made me want to sleep all day which made it even harder to get self-motivated. That's why I'm so against them.. I'm stressed at the moment with my income because I've not been paid for months by Universal credit. I missed 1 appointment so they won't pay me. My money is evaporating before my eyes which makes me even more guilty that I just paid for an holiday  :(think): .. 




> Yes I did mention Turkey but that was an over protective mother trying to tell her 19 yo daughter what to do. So don't listen to me ....


How did she find it? I'm going end of September in Antalya. I went to Altinkum a few years ago & enjoyed it to an extent. My anxiety kinda got in the way of me enjoying it but thats something I have to live with. I went when I was a kid as well.

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## Paula

> I've tried Setraline, Citalopram, Fluxotine & Mitazipine several times over at various doses. My doctor won't prescribe anythin else because they're considered the 'safe' options by NHS standards.


There's plenty more that are widely used in the NHS and different types are listed here. http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Antidep...roduction.aspx    For example, I'm on venlafaxine and amitryptaline. And venlafaxine, for instance, doesn't normally cause drowsiness - I take mine in the morning.  If your gp is unwilling to prescribe something else, get a second opinion, please

My daughter hasn't booked a holiday yet, she's hoping to get a late deal

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## Suzi

If you haven't got any income, have you called them to find out why they aren't paying you currently and how you rectify it so you do have money coming in?

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## SA89

I'm in serious mental distress right now, I've been crying all day uncontrollably  :=(: . I even broke down in front of my mum as soon as she asked me "how are u, are u ok?". Completely set me off again. Basically, the b******* at Universal Credit have informed that I won't be getting paid for the foreseeable future because I have sanctions pending. 

A week ago they told me I had 18 days left & now they've told me I've got another 1 lasting 500+ days immediately after. I've been attending consistently over the last few months & I thought I was finally at the end of my sanction. As soon as I put the phone down I was engulfed in a sea of despair. The world seems completely bleak & I fear for my future. I can't pay my mum & I have a holiday upcoming. 

I'm constantly living in a state of perpetual fear & living with a psychotic brother only fuels my anxiety. Last week he smashed the house up, threatened my mum & was goading me to come out of my room with these sinister words "Get him out of his room, tell him I've got a knife waiting for him..".

My anxiety that night was an indescribable fear. I feared for my mum downstairs, I feared for someone getting hurt  :S: . I'm back on Setraline but at a lower 50mg to start. Today was the 1st pill I swallowed in months since going cold turkey. I have no choice. My mental wellbeing is not right at all. I attended a voluntary information day as well & have started a health & social course so yeah that's my update. I want to disappear  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now. 
Why do you have sanctions? Why are they over 500 days? Can you get to the CAB and get some help to sort this out? You can't live on thin air?! Have you applied for PIP? 
WRT your brother - he needs reporting to the police and you and your Mum need to get somewhere to get some help and protection from him .

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## SA89

> Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now. 
> Why do you have sanctions? Why are they over 500 days? Can you get to the CAB and get some help to sort this out? You can't live on thin air?! Have you applied for PIP? 
> WRT your brother - he needs reporting to the police and you and your Mum need to get somewhere to get some help and protection from him .


My mums really worried about me. I was in distress again today & I've had very little sleep for 2 days. I somehow managed to attend my health & social course & a student there empathised with my situation. They said its abuse even though its not physical. It only happens to that extreme when hes had alcohol. Everyday though he verbally intimidates people. He blackmails my mum by saying "sorry" & threatens us if we ever report him for being "grasses"..

I'm gonna try & claim Carers allowance & income support because my mum has Lupus. Btw is 50mg Setraline too low to have an effect?. I've had it before oc but I had to take it to 100. I've been given 2 packs of 50mg now so I guess I should just take them. I need somethin right, especially with a holiday comin up. I don't know how I can possibly enjoy it with all this s*** hangin over me  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Oh hunni... It is abuse, both abusing you and your poor Mum. Lupus is horrible, I really sympathise - she certainly doesn't need the crap from your brother. Have you two spoken about it and what options there are? I hear that reporting things anonymously can easily be done through crimestoppers  :O:  
Did the Dr give you the 50mg? I would suggest you start it for a couple of weeks and see how you are doing.

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## SA89

I'm in Turkey right now with a group of people I barely know. I feel like a complete outsider & I overheard my mum tellin them I have severe anxiety & depression. Theres a gay couple and 3 beautiful girls who all know each other. I'm tryin to fit in but its tough when you have the weight of a mental illness hanging over ur every move. I can't even laugh properly, thats how f***** my head is.

I've brought my Setraline with me but I feel compromised by my depression wereas everyone else is free of this burden  :(think): ..

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## S deleted

You may have your meds with you but are you taking them as prescribed?

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## Paula

Oh hunni Im so sorry things are so tough  :(bear):

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## Suzi

You can do this. Are you taking your meds properly? 
Are you drinking and eating enough?

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## SA89

> You may have your meds with you but are you taking them as prescribed?


ye I take it at 6pm everyday stella. I've only been back on them for a week or so.




> You can do this. Are you taking your meds properly? 
> Are you drinking and eating enough?


Yep lots & lots of water & a couple meals each day. Ive been getting a few hours sleep because its so humid but thats not an excuse for why I'm so socially awkward. I don't feel comfortable in this group im in turkey with except my mum oc. 

I literally stay silent because I'm a complete outsider. The 2 gay guys are big personalities with their own businesses. I also feel very shy around girls. They keep sayin "hav u enjoyed it so far" & I nod my head when deep down I'm in deep despair. I don't feel any emotion so how can I possibly "have a laugh" like normal emotionally functioning people?  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Have you tried to get to know the others? Even a little ?

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## SA89

> Have you tried to get to know the others? Even a little ?


Its improved the past few days but the girls are so shallow. For instance, 1 of them said how she loves the "bad boys" & when a turkish guy flirted with her she said hes the perfect size (tall & muscular). She even bragged how she fancies my brother. Another girl said she see's me as a "brother". 

As you can imagine all this makes me feel like s*** & doesn't help my  confidence. I've dealt with this all my life, how I'm a nice guy & good looking yet I'm overlooked  :(: ..

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## Suzi

What about other people there?

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## SA89

> What about other people there?


I've not felt comfortable with any of them except my mum & her friend. I just don't mix well with confident people. Everyone is so proactive in life compared to me. They have their own business, car, friends etc. Theres another person in the group who is also isolated just like me. She goes off & does her own thing wereas I've been participating in everything. Today we went to a turkish bath for instance which I enjoyed. 

Regardless of my crippling depression & anxiety I've engaged in every experience so far. But this holiday has reaffirmed to me how lonely & inadequate I am as a person. I burst into tears today when I lost our hotel keys. Who in their right mind reacts like that on holiday?  :S: ..

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## Suzi

Why not go for an afternoon with the other isolated lady?

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## SA89

Hey, it's been a while since I provided an update so here goes. The last few months have been a roller-coaster for me emotionally. Recently I've been attending training for working with challenging behavior. Being part of this positive environment in training has felt amazing & did wonders for my sense of well-being  :(nod): .

Then as time went on, due to the extensive background checks there was a delay in my file being signed off. After my last day in training I was told they were still waiting. At that point I was getting very stressed & burst into tears out of nowhere in the back of someones car. It wasn't a pleasant feeling to see everyone around me have their files sorted except me  :=(: . 

Then today I got the confirmation that my offer was withdrawn from the permanent role due to failing a portion of the training. I've been in floods of tears all day & I'm frustrated why some other people were given the go ahead to work despite having no experience whatsoever. Some even scored the same as me in that part of the training.

They've offered me additional support to pass that portion of the training. If I complete that, they've encouraged me to then join another part of their support team. I went cold turkey on my Setraline about a month ago so that perhaps explains my increased emotional state  :=(: . However, for the most part, I've felt so much better off those pills. I feel liberated with a new lease of life coupled with the training I've been doing.

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## Paula

Oh hunni, cold turkey always causes mood swings. Its always better to come off slowly, with the drs support. Why did you decide to stop them?

I know this training hasnt worked out how you thought but its not that long ago youd never have even tried to do it. I know that doesnt make it better but it does show just how far youve come. Do you plan on redo the training?

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## Suzi

:(bear):  Sorry you're struggling, but cold turkey withdrawal is almost always going to have a massively negative effect.
What bit you fail and how badly?

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## SA89

> Sorry you're struggling, but cold turkey withdrawal is almost always going to have a massively negative effect.
> What bit you fail and how badly?


It was the intervention part Suzi, we had to stand up & demonstrate how to handle vulnerable people in certain situations. When it was my turn I came across really anxious and hesitant as the whole group was watching. I was then taken aside after that session by the instructor who had a word with me. He said I didn't appear confident in that scenario so requested more training & marked me a low 2 I believe. That affected their decision to put me on full time so they suggested further training then they'll put me forward for another part of their support team. I guess they still see something in me to not completely withdraw my contract. I'm just worried I'll f*** up that part of the training again. The rest of my training went fine; first aid etc, but I let myself down on the intervention. My anxiety gets in the way of everything tbh  :(think): .. 




> Oh hunni, cold turkey always causes mood swings. Its always better to come off slowly, with the drs support. Why did you decide to stop them?
> 
> I know this training hasnt worked out how you thought but its not that long ago youd never have even tried to do it. I know that doesnt make it better but it does show just how far youve come. Do you plan on redo the training?


I've actually felt amazing since going cold turkey. The extreme fatigue from those meds made me just want to sleep 24/7. Without them I feel like I've unlocked energy levels that's been long forgotten. My anxietys increased but my depression is roughly the same as when I was on them. I'd even say that my depression has lifted since going cold turkey. My sense of wellbeing has improved dramatically & being in a positive environment in training has definitely helped that. I doubt I'd have even had the energy levels to attend that training if I was still on those pills. Random crying aside I feel so much better without these meds in my system. 

I plan to re-do my training as I really want to work in social care. It's so rewarding & interesting & it's such a positive environment to be part of. If I pass this further training then I think I'm good to go but nothings certain in this life  :(wasntme): .

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## Suzi

If you have extra support I'm sure you'll be fine. Just be calm, careful and gentle but forceful if needed. I'm sure you can do it.

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## SA89

> If you have extra support I'm sure you'll be fine. Just be calm, careful and gentle but forceful if needed. I'm sure you can do it.


I'm waiting on the details as to what happens next. I just don't like waiting for email responses tbh because it can take up to several days. Then if I contact HR it's usually rather abrupt. They said "they'll get in touch" in regards to scheduling me in for further training. That uncertainty only ever fuels my anxiety lol  :(blush): .

Yesterday my mum caught me in floods of tears which was quite distressing. I try to hide it but when someone says "are u ok?" it sets me off. Sure that may be a symptom of going cold turkey but I feel so much better without them awful meds that mess with your system without you even realizing it. In addition, I'm so grateful to have access to my emotions again even if it involves lots of crying. On those SSRI'S I was completely emotionally blunted & had extreme fatigue. I didn't even get out of bed whereas now I feel capable of embracing life. I'm applying for other roles in social care right now but I'm contracted to the other place so I'm kinda in limbo. They have further training planned for me & if I complete that I can join a more flexible part of their support team. Nothing is certain in this life except death so I feel like I'm being pulled from pillar to post  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Sounds like they are trying to help you which is good. 
Have you told your Dr about stopping the meds and how you are feeling?

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## SA89

> Sounds like they are trying to help you which is good. 
> Have you told your Dr about stopping the meds and how you are feeling?


Yeah I told him the other day, he said if it's working for you then continue off them. I think he realises that I've been going round in circles back & forth between Setraline, Mitazipine, Fluxotine & Citalopram & the only benefit was a slight decrease in my anxiety. In regards to my depression, it was probably *WORSE* on them due to the extreme fatigue those pills give you.

A lot of people aren't aware how debilitating those side effects actually are. They fall down a rabbit hole of going from pill to pill without knowing the underlying effects they have on you. If your suicidal then yeah they probably help but because I'm moderately clinically depressed they did more harm than good. I didn't even leave my bed ffs. Now I have my emotions back, I'm sleeping much better, I'm pushing myself more & I'm feeling gradually more confident socially. My anxiety seems to have increased but it's outweighed by those positives. I'm re-doing the training this friday which I'm nervous about. I need to try & get my anxiety under control before then  :(think): ...

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## Paula

Will be thinking about you Friday

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## Suzi

I'm sure you'll be fine on Friday. Well done for talking to your Dr about it all.

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## SA89

I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of living with a controlling brother. I'm tired of living with depression & anxiety  :=(: .

There's just no escape from this hell I'm in. I'm scared to even leave my room due to that other person's presence. It's the equivalent of abuse on a psychological level. I started my 1st shift in care work last week which served as a temporary relief.

But it's flexible so the shifts aren't guaranteed. That's my only escapism right now, otherwise I'm confined to my room with my dark thoughts & relentless anxiety. If I leave my room I'm in the presence of a bully who loves to control me & my mum. I feel so alone in this world. It really feels like I'm the only 1 suffering with this despair & ceaseless worry  :S: ..

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## Flo

:Panda:

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## Paula

Oh hunni, Im sorry, there was a glimmer of hope not so long ago  :(: . But congrats on your job, I hope the shifts become regular

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## Suzi

Have you thought of going to your housing association and asking to be rehomed due to domestic violence?

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## SA89

> Have you thought of going to your housing association and asking to be rehomed due to domestic violence?


It's not domestic violence, its more verbal threats when he's had a drink. He drinks on the weekends, sometimes he's out the house which is a relief. Without a drink he doesn't threaten anyone but still unpleasant. There's always a vibe around him that makes me uncomfortable because he's a controlling person. 

Living with him most of my life has definitely been a factor in my mental state. He potrays a masculine, thug-like image & I'm completely the opposite. I think he see's me as a threat in a way as I can articulate myself well.



> Oh hunni, Im sorry, there was a glimmer of hope not so long ago . But congrats on your job, I hope the shifts become regular


The shifts are delivered on a 1st come 1st serve basis. They vary from around the north west, with stockport being the most in demand. That's quite far from me but I know I need to learn the train/bus route otherwise I'll be short of work. I've been up there several times to complete my training & worked out the travel all by myself (even used google maps to direct me at times!). I'm just worried about getting home if I'm on a late shift.

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## SA89

Sorry for the wall of text btw. I just feel that so many can relate to depression, anxiety & loneliness as demonstrated by the amount of views this thread has had. 

The 3 go hand in hand & it's a mental hell. It's an epidemic even as there's so many sufferers, we just choose to be open about it to break down a preventable stigma. In a way, my anxiety has been the barrier from me ever hurting myself. 

For many people who have suffered with depression for years like I have, it's a different story. Still I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone but at least it's made me vigilant in regards to my health. That's the 1 positive I can take from it  :(think): .

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## Suzi

It IS domestic violence - It's emotional abuse. https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/abuse/pa...ence-help.aspx

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## SA89

My depression is getting worse & worse. I feel completely apathetic towards life & feel nothing, except sadness. My trigger right now seems to be related towards death. When I see an old person for example, it makes me really emotional inside, like my soul is crying in turmoil. I guess it reminds me of death which I fear every single day  :(think): .. 

Sorry to be bleak but it conveys exactly how dark my soul is right now. I don't "feel" any emotion whatsoever. For others, it seems their depression "comes & goes" whereas mine is constant & unrelenting, there's no relief. 

Anyway, today I attended an interview for a support worker role. Silly ol' me then happened to forget my documents for proof of address, so I had to walk miles back to town (getting lost in the process) & walk all the way back to the place again.
The interview was a mixed bag as I hummed & erred & gave stupid answers. I gave some really good answers but I think I  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed it..

I completed 5 shifts in residential support recently from my current support role. I did well & was there for the service user at all times but again my anxiety is telling me I did bad. They send me shifts on a rotating basis but HR take so long to email new shifts across & they're always busy when contacting them. That makes me feel worthless because I'm always left in the dark. Oh & I'm seeing a counselor again soon, starting next week, the same 1 I had last year  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

Glad you're seeing a counsellor again soon, but I really think you need to go back and see your Dr..... Tell them what you are telling us.

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## Paula

I agree with Suzi, it breaks my heart that you were doing so well but now are struggling. Did you look at that link Suzi showed you?

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## SA89

> Glad you're seeing a counsellor again soon, but I really think you need to go back and see your Dr..... Tell them what you are telling us.


My mum keeps sayin the same thing. What more can a doctor do though than feed me pills like a guinea pig?. The 1st couple week off Setraline I felt great but that period was in conjunction with the training course at my work provider. 

I think the reason I feel so low now is caus they're completely out of my system & I'm not having that social interaction that I was getting from the training. I don't want to go back on pills though. I'm a couple month off them now & I don't wanna give in caus they're not natural & make me tired. I'd rather give meditation a try & to be more sociable because loneliness is at the very root of my depression. 




> I agree with Suzi, it breaks my heart that you were doing so well but now are struggling. Did you look at that link Suzi showed you?


This year has been positive in regards to progressing into social care. In addition to my support work with a trust, I was successful the other day in my interview for another care provider. That'll be full time & can work it round my other support role. 

But ye, in regards to my wellbeing, its been very much up & down. The past month I've felt completely "flat" & again it stems from being a social recluse. If I'm workin full time then that will distract me somewhat from my inner thoughts. I worry though that it'll deprive me of even less social opportunities caus I'll be so busy. Oh & ye I looked at the link. I think its emotional abuse but only when he's had a drink which isn't often. Most days we stay out of each others ways. Again sorry for the wall of text, I need to be more concise!  :(think): .

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## Paula

Dont worry about being concise, its more important that you have someone to talk to. You need to do whats right for you but sometimes its worth thinking about ADs as something that helps support you while you work out what needs to change in your life itms

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## Suzi

Congratulations on the job! When do you start?

Never feel you have to be more concise if you need to talk, then you need to talk!

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## SA89

They doing my checks at the moment prior to training. I already completed training in February for my current role which involved safeguarding etc. 

It needs be done again though as its a different care provider. I'm kinda worried about the personal care aspect. It seems rather disgusting..

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## Suzi

It's not disgusting. You just need to change your mindset - it's about helping someone, you do actually just zone out of it as something that isn't great. It's about providing help, care and dignity.

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## SA89

> It's not disgusting. You just need to change your mindset - it's about helping someone, you do actually just zone out of it as something that isn't great. It's about providing help, care and dignity.


I enjoy support work but I've not really done that aspect of it yet. So far my 5 shifts in my bank role have been with non verbal younger people. Its been 2:1 support but I've had periods were i've been left alone. I've done activities like takin them to the park, listening to nursery rhymes etc. 

I'll be ready though for when the time arises & I'm aware it requires a lot of patience & persistence. Btw if I'm going to be workin all day every day, isn't that counter productive to me being more sociable?  :(think): .

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## Paula

Both my husbands I met at work - actually the same work  :O:

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## Suzi

I met Marc whilst I was working too  :O:

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## SA89

I've never experienced a relationship & I'm 28 now!  :(blush): . I envy couples so much caus they seem free of worry & loneliness. These dating sites are catered towards the shallow & superficial because no one replies to my messages. I ain't bad lookin either, I'm just a bloody recluse lol. 

I was talking about this just then actually with my mums friend. I mentioned how I leave the room if I see a happy couple because it triggers how lonely I feel inside. It did me good to get out of my room at least. I'm not sure if chatting in the kitchen counts as socialising though.

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## Suzi

Of course it counts! 

I can honestly say that I'm definitely not free of worry or loneliness because I'm married! It really isn't going to make those feelings go away because you have a girlfriend...
My sister found her current partner on a dating site - they aren't all shallow and superficial.

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## Paula

Im not free of worry or loneliness, or jealousy or a lack of self confidence, or any of those things that we should be free of in a relationship. Its not Through lack of trust with my husband, its a lack of confidence that I deserve him, its a belief that hed be better off without me. He proves every day that he loves me and is going nowhere. Theres nothing wrong with our relationship, just with me. But I dont think Im on my own there.

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## Jaquaia

Definitely not alone with that Paula. I feel exactly the same with J.

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## Suzi

And me with Marc.

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## magie06

And me with Gerry!

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## SA89

I had to disclose my depression & anxiety for my pre employment checks. The question asked if I had a psychological condition in the last 3 years. I've answered honestly & said that Ive had moderate depression & anxiety & recently came off Setraline in addition to receiving cbt counselling. 

Can an employer withdraw an offer based on that?. If they did then that would be discrimination as it doesn't affect my ability to work. I've never felt suicidal, just moderately depressed & anxious due to how lonely I feel  :(think): .

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## Suzi

No I don't believe they can...

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## Paula

Im sure youll be fine

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## SA89

That employer called me today & wants to see me tommorow to discuss my depression, which I disclosed in the medical check. He told me on the phone to not worry & that they won't be withdrawing their job offer. But why does he want to see me?. Lots of people have depression so I don't get why I need to elaborate further face to face.

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## Jaquaia

Possibly to see if you need any extra support putting in place.

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S deleted (17-05-18)

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## Paula

Jaqs probably right. I know its tough but try not to worry

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## S deleted

Because as an employer they have a duty of care toward you and I would imagine it is to discuss ways they can support you in the workplace.

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## SA89

Thanks, todays been tough. I feel so low as I've had no sleep whatsoever & that call exacerbated my depression further. Despite this, I managed to take a girl out to the pub & we had a few games of pool. 

But then as she was awaiting her taxi home, I ignorantly withdrew myself to the garden instead of waiting beside her. Instead, I was sat staring at the sun, overwhelmed by this bleakness that pervades me  :S: . The past few days I felt "better" but today I feel so hopeless..

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## Suzi

I think the fact they called and asked is a positive thing - they obviously want to help you... 
Why didn't you wait with the girl you went out with? Every girl likes to be waited with whilst waiting to get home....

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## SA89

Because I felt tearful & was tryin to contain my emotions. On the way back from the pub she told me how she's gonna still speak to other guys or somethin. I've spent the past 2 days with her but we've only kissed & cuddled. We had our backs turned in my bed & I was wide awake the whole night 😩.

As for the employer, I'm curious how exactly they intend to support an employee with depression. I'm worried what to say exactly. I've never been suicidal but I've had it for years on a moderate level. If they equate depression with being potentially psychotic then that's completely unjustified. I'll let you know anyway how this chat goes with them tommorow.

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## Jaquaia

Why on earth would the equate depression with being potentially psychotic??? Psychosis and depression are 2 very different mental illnesses, neither of which an employer can discriminate against!

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## Suzi

I can't see them seeing it as potentially psychotic lovely, try not to worry x

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## SA89

It actually went well & they just wanted to know If I needed any support. I told them that I've been off medication since Jan & that I'm seein a counsellor. I even asked whether other staff had disclosed their depression prior to starting & she said "oh yes, all the time!". 

I also had a chat with the person who's in charge of my file & she's now recieved everythin she needs regarding references & DBS, so its finally been submitted.

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## Paula

Thats great news  :):

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## Suzi

I'm so pleased for you!

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## SA89

I was belittled today which is nothing new in my household. No prizes for guessing who. I was called an "f'in daft pr***" by that so-called brother of mine. I locked the back door in the house & he was angry because he expected it to be unlocked. So he came stormin back from work to shout verbal abuse at me. 

All I did was lock the door as I was upstairs. He belittles me all the time & controls people. He even shouts at the dog aggressively simply for barkin. I'm seem as pathetic because of how timid I am. 

Anyway I start my induction on June 18th so that'll at least get me out of the house  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Are you sure you can't talk to your Mum about what other options there are for the pair of you to sort something. He sounds so volatile and dangerous...

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## SA89

Really struggling  :(think): .. On Sunday I was in floods of tears, triggered from sad music. I was also ignored for no reason by a girl I was gettin along with. We had a dance & a hug the night before then when I texted to simply say how I enjoyed our dance she blanked me. Tired of these f***** mind games. 

My sleep patterns f***** as well & I missed counseling so they prob gonna discharge me. Been goin sleep at 8am & wakin at 6pm.. I've got my induction for support work on June 18th so waitin for that. Please don't recommend seeing a Doctor because I'm adamant against pills in my system just like a vegan is against meat..

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## Paula

Oh hunni, Im sorry things are so bad. Was that the first time you missed counselling?

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## Suzi

You need to change that sleeping pattern. It might mean forcing yourself to stay up one day and then going to bed at the right time. 
Sorry things are so tough for you. What things have you tried recently for a sustained length of time to help yourself to feel a bit brighter?

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## SA89

> You need to change that sleeping pattern. It might mean forcing yourself to stay up one day and then going to bed at the right time. 
> Sorry things are so tough for you. What things have you tried recently for a sustained length of time to help yourself to feel a bit brighter?


I'm so worked up today, I feel like my hearts gonna burst out of my chest!. I'm dealing with the most incompetent  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in HR manager imaginable. I've contacted her several times to confirm my shifts which I emailed to her. I listed 4 shifts startin from tommorow at 7am but she won't give me confirmation. She said she'll email me by today & hasn't. Its been like this since the day I registered back in March.

I rely on her to give me a shift schedule or to confirm the shifts I emailed but I'm always pawned off. In addition my mums goin on at me for keep which I cant give her.. My sleeps been ok past couple days as I've been goin sleep early at 11pm. I'm still in counseling as ur allowed 3 absences before being discharged. Sorry for the vent btw  :(blush): ..

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## Suzi

Did you get hold of her to find out if you're working tomorrow?

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## Paula

Did you get that email?

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## SA89

ye she told me that I'm not "experienced enough" for the service that I asked to do shifts at. I could do Stockport shifts again as their service is open to inexperienced support workers but its really far. Anyway I emailed them to tell them that weekends are best as from next week I'll be at an induction for another care provider. After that I'll be starting full time with them. 

On a side note I had an embarrassin moment at the doctors today. I rambled on a bit & he was very abrupt with me mid sentence saying "I'VE GOT 4-5 PATIENTS WAITING SO I'LL HAVE TO LET YOU GO". I spilled my guts out to him about my mental health then he dismissed me in a really unpleasant manner  :(blush): ..

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## Paula

Well done for telling the doctor how it is. Its disgusting, though, when GPs react like that. Im sorry, love. A full time job? Thats fantastic, really awesome  :):

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## Suzi

Did the Dr help you at all? 
That's horrible that he spoke to you like that - I hope you are going to try to see a different one?

Hope that the other care provider is good to you.

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## SA89

I'm gonna be workin non stop startin Sunday but I feel so overwhelmed. My depression is all consuming, it follows my every waking move. Last night I had a panic attack, tossing & turnin in the dark, feeling completely hopeless  :=(: ..

I also got told off after my induction class today. I made a stupid remark about feeling "half asleep in class" & she said she was concerned that I didn't participate as well as others throughout the week. I'm just not a chatty person like that & I have crippling depression to deal with. 

The service I'll be workin at is all male staff which I'm not happy about. I feel more comfortable around women tbh, I'm just not the typical lad type. Anyway they told me to see how I feel after my 1st week then ring them back. Its so awkward as the rotas are already in place but I felt its best to tell them now. Ive had 1 shadow shift there already. I wish I could shake this despair as I'm gonna be so busy  :(think): ..

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## Paula

Sweetie, youve worked so hard to get to where you are now with your work. I wish your anxiety wasnt preventing you from enjoying your achievement. That said, everyone is tense going into a new Work environment and weve all been there  :Panda: 

Maybe next time theres a comment about your participation, you could tell whoever it is that youre reserved but that it doesnt mean you arent committed to the job

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## Suzi

I totally agree with Paula. You've done so well to get to where you are.

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## SA89

Another day, another rejection. Got stood up by a girl because she "wasn't in the mood". We agreed to meet today then as I was in the bath she decided she couldn't be arsed. Then she texted this diamond of a line "we havent spoken properly yet". Then why did u agree to meet then? And isn't that the whole point?. I even suggested talkin on the phone but no, excuses excuses. Tired of these f**** games that people play  :(think): .

I can feel myself sinking after feelin hopeful of a date. Rejection is dangerous for someone with depression & anxiety. I'll be workin from tommorow non stop with this despair hanging over me. I keep crying randomly as well, I'm not in a good place at all. I appreciate u sayin its been an achievement for me to become a support worker. I just don't feel it. I feel so hopeless  :=(: ..

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## Suzi

Then you need to challenge your thoughts. Actively stop yourself and make yourself tell yourself something positive each time... You can get through this lovely - are you sure you wouldn't find going back to the Dr and talking things through with them as a helpful thing?

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## SA89

My doctor has no answer other than medication to which I've exhausted. My counsellor suggested a worry group though & maybe a psychologist. As soon as I read ur post I was in floods of tears again because I feel so helpless.

Today I completed my 2nd shadow shift. It was the dullest 7 hours of my life, sat on the sofa all day. Tommorow I'll be more hands on apparently as I start properly. I'm  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off though that its all male staff. 

I contacted the service manager & she told me to give it a week at the service & see how I feel. Its just my preference to not be pigeonholed with all male. I'm on every single day as well in a service I didnt ask for  :(think): ..

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## Jaquaia

I thought I had exhausted the medication route but I've finally found one that has improved things for me. 

Is there a recovery college in your area?

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## Suzi

I'd be surprised if you'd exhausted all the medication options tbh... When did you last go and talk to them about how you are feeling?

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## Paula

Thing is, its sometimes not about how many of the meds youve tried, and sometimes about how theyre combined. Im on 2 ADs of very different groups plus a mood stabiliser plus something that helps with anxiety. While most people dont need that, adding in another ad, for instance, can be the boost needed

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## SA89

My GP only prescribes Sertraline, Citalopram, Fluxotine & Mirtazipine as the others are not as safe apparently. They mess with heart rhythm for instance. I've been cold turkey from Sertraline since January as I don't want drugs in my system. 

I have herbal tea but need to drink it more to see if it helps. I'm definitely not right though. I'm gettin very emotional everyday. It doesn't help that I work with staff who are all happily married with a family. That makes me feel so inadequate & really triggers my loneliness  :(doh): ..

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## Paula

Then you need to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. And Im sorry but not as safe doesnt cut it for me when someones quality of life is suffering - particularly as most of them are absolutely ok for most people. Venlafaxine, for instance, is widely used and very effective. It has potential side effects but no more so than others (in fact I found mirtazapine harder to handle than Venlafaxine).

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Jaquaia (24-06-18)

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## Jaquaia

All drugs go through extensive testing before they are licensed for general prescribing. All drugs have side effects but that depends on the person, but they are predominantly safe otherwise they wouldn't be approved. Unless there are reasons why your gp needs to take extra care with you, a health condition for example, then they are just making excuses. My gp was limited because of the immunosuppressant that I'm on but they were still able to prescribe 8 different medications.

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## Suzi

Erm my husband is on venlafexine and it's completely changed his and our lives - that with intensive psychotherapy. You deserve to be helped. If your GP won't do it then ask to be referred to someone else who can. Oh and I take 2 completely different AD's for pain and I know on how they make me feel... 
Really do not settle for being told that the others aren't safe, that's total rubbish!

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## SA89

I've dug myself into the most awkward situation. I've been called into the office at my support service because I requested a possible change of service. I asked for a service thats not all "male staff" & now they have concerns about me. I fear the worst tbh  :(think): .. 

I'm dreadin this appointment tommorow with the manager. How do the hell do u even give a reason for not wanting to work with all male staff?. I've told them its just a preference but how the  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  do u even elaborate on somethin as ridiculous as that?. If they sack me then its unfair dismissal in a way. They also never told me I was going to be workin with all male staff.

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## Suzi

What is your reason for not wanting to work within an all male team?

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## OldMike

I've worked in a largely all male environment all my life and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not the gender or sexuality of the people you work with it's how you get on with your colleagues that counts.

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Suzi (26-06-18)

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## Paula

> They also never told me I was going to be workin with all male staff.


Did they ever tell you that you _wouldnt_ be working with all male staff?

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## SA89

Today has been extremely stressful for me. I was called into the office again with 2 managers. They outlined more concerns because a staff member reported me for "struggling to fold clothes". Then immediately as I started shift, I was told to take a challenging person shopping. A grumpy old man who can switch on a dime. I felt so much adrenaline during that period. I was almost cryin in front of the service user, I was that stressed  :=(: .

When I returned to the service, a manager was observing me work out the finances, makin me even more nervous & went through some checks (which suggests I proved myself in some way as I was threatened with dismissal a few hours prior). 

Then I came come home to my vile brother & his mates getting  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed in the garden, calln me a "daft bstrd" & a "dopey cnt" for no reason other than to belittle me. All this on top of my depression. Its just a preference to work with women & men opposed to all men. I've never been the "jack the lad" type & prefer to interact with women (sorry for the wall of text).

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## Suzi

Were you struggling to fold clothes? What other concerns do they have? Did you manage to help the service user? Why were you threatened with dismissal?

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## SA89

> Were you struggling to fold clothes? What other concerns do they have? Did you manage to help the service user? Why were you threatened with dismissal?


They threatened me with a possible dismissal interview. My last 2 shifts since that last meeting have been productive. I took the service user out again today into town, managed his finances (expenditure, balance etc) & made his tea. 

I did what was required of me to prove that im capable by myself. Despite that, I was getting an unpleasant vibe from the other staff member on shift. He raised his voice at me a couple times & hardly spoke to me. I don't feel comfortable workin with this person at all. Its like he's waitin on me to slip up so he can report me. I haven't cried today which is rare. I'm sure its just a smokescreen though   :(think): ...

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## Suzi

Sounds like you've made a really positive impact on the SU's day! Well done!!
Maybe just work away from this other person if you find it uncomfortable to be working near them... 
You've only just started, you're not expected to know everything or how to do everything yet...

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## SA89

I feel constantly on edge living with this monster at home. The other day he went into a rage fit, took a knife from the draw & patrolled the streets with it. All because someone accidently ran over his bike. Every time he drinks & has a sniff he threatens to stab someone who crosses him. 

I also recently quit my job with immediate effect as I felt like I was about to be pushed. My anxiety & depression has made my life completely  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in hopeless. If only I had the money to be free of this devil that I live with  :(: ..

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## Suzi

Oh no! Why did you quit??? You've waited so long to get a job in that sector the experience would have been great on your CV - and the money could have helped you to move out!
I'd have to call the police if he was out with a knife...

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## SA89

My mum said to me "Ur never happy, I have an illness but I just get on with it. You have nothin to be worried about" to which I replied "Mum, I have anxiety & depression..". I feel so guilty for feelin this way. This is why I never open to anyone  :S: ..




> Oh no! Why did you quit??? You've waited so long to get a job in that sector the experience would have been great on your CV - and the money could have helped you to move out!
> I'd have to call the police if he was out with a knife...


I've been on training last few days for another care agency. I just hope they don't contact the place were I recently quit. And ye the police should def have been involved but everyone was too scared to be seen as the "grass". He's not been violent since but then again hes not drank or had coke..

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## Suzi

You have no reason for feeling guilty. But maybe you should get to see your Dr again lovely... 
Have you thought about talking to crimestoppers anonymously?

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## SA89

My head is like a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in washing machine, its relentless. I get very little relief from this mental torment. What anxiety & depression does to you over the years.. I can't even begin to describe..

I've stubbornly gone without medication since January & really struggled mentally as my mind is "free" & free is dangerous. Yesterday my birthday was spent speakin to a counsellor. How messed up is that?. Most people have friends to celebrate their BDays with. Not me  :(think): . I've been referred to a "worry" group. And ye I'll look into crimestoppers.

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## Paula

So why are you still adamant that you dont want meds?

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## Suzi

Happy belated birthday for yesterday... 
I don't think it's messed up, I think you seeking and getting help is actually really positive. Why not make this the year you get you more stable? Go and see your GP. Tell them everything - take a bullet point list if it helps and get the help you need...

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## OldMike

Happy belated birthday (better late than never)  :):

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## SA89

Thanks, I struggle even more on weekends due to the increased sense of loneliness. Everyday though is hell inside my messed up head. I worry about my health (even though there's nothin physically wrong with me), my mums health, death, being alone. So I confine myself to my room all day & cry  :=(: . 

I know there's many out there who also suffer with anxiety & depression. Thats why I continue to log my struggles, not only as an outlet but for someone to empathise with. And the reason why I haven't gone back on the meds is because they made me really sleepy. On top of that they blunt out ur emotions, but maybe thats better than intense crying right?  :(think): ..

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## Paula

Id say thats definitely a better option. However, perhaps you could talk to your doctor about different meds, they may not impact so heavily

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## Suzi

There are many other medications that can be tried. Not all have the same side effects.... Surely it's better to try so you don't spend all day crying. Doesn't your Mum know?

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## SA89

Yeah my mum knows caus she can see how visibly anxious & depressed I am on a daily basis. She keeps tellin me I shouldn't be suffering when there's meds in front of me. She also knows about my intense crying episodes  :(blush): .

I know there's more ADs to the ones I've tried but I wouldn't like to go against my doctors advice. He prescribes Citalopram, Fluxotine, Sertraline & Mirtazipine & thats it. 

I wouldn't like to take the risk on my physical health with the others. I'm considerin goin back on Citalopram. I know I've been round in circles with these pills & they haven't done  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  for my depression but they at least relieve the anxiety.

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## Paula

What risks to your physical health do you specifically mean? Im surprised your doctor is so limited with what they can prescribe. Amitryptaline, for instance, is also used for many physical/neurological disorders, as well as an AD, so is widely prescribed by GPs ........

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## Suzi

I think that if your GP is only prepared to prescribe those then you should be pushing for a referral to someone else who can prescribe alternatives. Also I think you should take your Mum with you to your appointments...

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## SA89

I don't want drugs in my body full stop but I'm sufferin really badly. I can't justify resorting to these fatigue inducing pills when I haven't even explored natural solutions. 

Right now I'm on a detox from caffeine & I've noticed my anxiety drop in intensity. Its still there but the extreme physical symptoms seem a bit more manageable. I need to get out of my room, meditate, socialise & maintain a healthy diet. Easier said than done but I need to at least explore these options that are open to me. I've been crying a lot but being in my room festers that loneliness  :(think): ..

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## Paula

Yes you need to do all of those things, whether youre taking meds or not, theyre important. (Nb, not all ADs cause fatigue  :O: )

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## Suzi

I completely agree with Paula. Not all meds are like that - how many have you tried?

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## SA89

Think I'm about ready to cease existing. I've  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed up a social care job that I enjoy doing. I'm on the brink of being sacked after 2 shifts because of performance issues & because I don't have a full uniform. I quit my last role prior after 8 shifts as well. I can't do anythin right  I'm a waste of space. 

I may as well just die now because unconsciousness is the only relief I get from this miserable  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in existence. Never had a girlfriend, never had a sustainable job, depression, anxiety, anhedonia. I'm done  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

What's happened with the job? 
When was it last that you saw your Dr? 
There are options and you can get through this...

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## Paula

What happened, lovely?

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## SA89

I was reported because I said I've never used a hoist which is just bein honest. And I was reported caus I put dirty clothes in the skip instead of a red bag even though I was told to put it in the skip by a staff member. 

And now because I dont have a uniform available. I did ok considerin I was put in a challenging environment without experience but theyre gonna sack me. They knew I had no personal care experience yet they thrust me into a highly challenging environment instead of easing me in. A lot of the time I was on my own as well & I didn't shy away from any duty. I don't know whether to jump before being pushed. 

They're callin me in next week so its obvious they're gonna pull the trigger which is unjustified due to some invalid complaints. I enjoy being a support worker & now its been taken away from me again. I saw my doctor last week who agreed that I may be anhedonic as I can't "feel" joy or laughter. A life without that is barely a  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in existence so why should I even live  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Why don't you have a uniform? Were you provided with one? 

I think you need to see a different doctor or at least get referred to your cmht and get some proper help.

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## SA89

I was provided with a t shirt but I dont have pants or shoes which I should have bought but I assumed I'd be at the non uniform service for longer than 2 shifts. The staff management was all over the place. I was left alone a few times with a floor full of elderly patients. I didnt shy away from any duty like feeding, dressing, changin the old peoples nappies. 

They use agency staff as a scapegoat. Theyre gonna call in me next week so I think theyre gonna sack me. I dont know whether to jump before bein pushed. In my last role, I jumped after 8 shifts. I have Citalopram but havent touched it caus the fatigue of these pills is too much of a risk.

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## Suzi

You have to go back and talk to your Dr. There's no point in them thinking that you're taking them and they're helping when you aren't taking them at all.. 

Go to the meeting and see what they have to say. If you leave then you can't claim anything in benefits if you need to.. 

I really think that you need to go and get some proper help with your depression and actually take the meds and get some therapy. Until you do then you're always going to have this kind of issue...

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## Paula

Its possible they want to talk to you about additional training, the additional work you have been doing etc. Please dont jump because you _think_ theyre going to fire you - find out the truth first

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## SA89

I've not spoken to my agency for 5 weeks now because my mental health is all consuming. I did another shift since I last updated here but it was with dementia again. I've emailed them anyway to be put on support shifts rather than healthcare as that was what I signed up for. 

It's been 5 weeks since then & I've not got back in touch. I'm just in bed everyday consumed by worry & despair. Sure I could take my Citalopram but that only makes me more tired. These doctors are so quick to dish out pills. I'm not mentally well but that's down to my reclusive lifestyle. I've lived in my room all my life. Right now I can't function because of the worry. I worry about everythin under the 
f uc kin sun. The slightest aches I jump to the most drastic conclusions. I can't escape these worries & never will. I've worried since I was in play school ffs. My head is a washing machine, only the cycle never ends  :S: ..

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## Jaquaia

I'm going to be really blunt here... you are so dismissive about doctors dishing out pills but is what you're doing really working? At what point do you stop complaining about doctors giving you pills and actually give them a go just to see if they might be what you need to help you out of this dip? The fatigue could be a side affect that would wear off after a week or so, that's what my partner found when he started them. Or if it's something that you can't cope with there are others that may suit you better. Did you know that antidepressants aren't even recommended as treatment for mild to moderate depression, it's counselling so if the doctor has followed NHS guidelines, they consider your depression to be moderate to severe?. Have you even considered requesting counselling? If worry is affecting you as much as you say then you need to go back and speak to your doctor and go in with an open mind. 

Nothing will change if you don't do something to help yourself. Nothing we can say will help unless you're willing to actually try things. We can offer support, but it has never really made you feel much better has it?

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## Paula

I disagree, I think your mental illness is a big reason why your lifestyle is reclusive, not the other way round. It doesnt seem to matter what is recommended to you by doctors and those who are trying to support you, you refuse to take it on board and make the changes to your lifestyle that could help you recover.

I get so frustrated because weve seen how different you can be, and the positive impact on your life, when you do listen to those around you and make changes.

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## Suzi

Sweetheart, you've been a member here for over 4 years and as you are still in the same position that you were then it proves that doing it your way just isn't working.. How much longer before you try something different?

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## SA89

Hey I've not posted for a while because I feel like posting without showing signs of improvement only adds to my shame as Suzi mentioned.

I'm still struggling with all these issues & probably will till the day I die. I'm kinda resigned to this life now (unless I choose to end it early of course..). I've just had a lecture from my mum's friend how I don't help my mum around the house. I'm fully aware of this yet I'm too apathetic to do anything about it, despite my guilt. My depression and anxiety is a major factor along with my lack of independence. I'm 29 & I've missed out on that development through being a major recluse. I support my mum financially with what little benefits I get, so that's something.

Anyway, I'll wrap this brief update with what I've been up to. I attended a training course recently to work in an autism centre. I was there daily for 7 days which involved physical restraint exercises. Since then I've retreated to my room again. I apply everyday for work and voluntary. Got a few interviews next week including 1 to be a mental health advocate volunteer. I've joined a group from the meetup app but they all seem much older than me. It may be a bit awkward but I'll join them for a drink regardless. I had an assessment recently and they ruled out autism. They've referred me to yet another counselor. I'm not taking pills and haven't for a year. I'm tired of hearing about them as the "go-to advice". I've had chamomile tea the past couple days which seems to have sedated my mind a little bit  :(think): ..

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## Mira

Hey there, i know what you mean. I have been away for a while from the forum too. And I can understand why not making any progress might make you feel that you should not be here.

I understand. But I dont agree. We are all human and if we like it or not. We are not meant to be alone (trust me. I keep trying this). 

You are a part of this forum as much as the next person. And life is not a race. We walk it in our own pace. Some people achieved great things early on others later in life. It does not matter. I read that a woman got a college degree at 80. Its all awesome.

I have gotten worse over the last few years. Not even the same. But with one change. I opened my mind up to outside help. Even if i thought that will not work. Or how do they know me? I went through. I am not where I want to be. But for the first time in my adult life I feel that I am getting there. Not now. Not tomorrow. But one day. And that helps. 

I still have way to many dark days. But I am grateful to be here. On this forum. Meeting people. 

And I am glad you posted again.

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magie06 (05-04-19),Paula (11-04-19),Suzi (05-04-19)

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## Suzi

Hi hunni. 
Staying away from the forum doesn't seem to be helping, so you might as well keep coming back to see if it does help when you can talk things through a bit more!  :):  
Have you not thought of trying different meds? 
Can you try to get up each day, shower and get dressed and go and sit with your Mum for a while?

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## SA89

> Hey there, i know what you mean. I have been away for a while from the forum too. And I can understand why not making any progress might make you feel that you should not be here.
> 
> I understand. But I dont agree. We are all human and if we like it or not. We are not meant to be alone (trust me. I keep trying this). 
> 
> You are a part of this forum as much as the next person. And life is not a race. We walk it in our own pace. Some people achieved great things early on others later in life. It does not matter. I read that a woman got a college degree at 80. Its all awesome.
> 
> I have gotten worse over the last few years. Not even the same. But with one change. I opened my mind up to outside help. Even if i thought that will not work. Or how do they know me? I went through. I am not where I want to be. But for the first time in my adult life I feel that I am getting there. Not now. Not tomorrow. But one day. And that helps. 
> 
> I still have way to many dark days. But I am grateful to be here. On this forum. Meeting people. 
> ...


Thank you Mira, I can relate to everything you said  :): . I attended 3 interviews this week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) and gave a good account of myself. I'm very good at articulating myself but I stumbled slightly on the 3rd interview with a few questions. I didn't sleep either but pushed myself to attend all 3. I've also took the initiative to put myself forward for a few meetup hangouts. Its with a group from the meetup app and they arrange outings on a weekly basis. This Saturday I'm penciled in for games & lunch from 2-5. They arrange things like comedy clubs, pub quiz', bars etc. It'll be surreal because not only are they strangers but they're around 20+ years older than me. But I'm going regardless & I've also applied for lots of voluntary as I'd like to get back into it. I hope this has given you food for thought to maybe try yourself?  :(blush): .




> Hi hunni. 
> Staying away from the forum doesn't seem to be helping, so you might as well keep coming back to see if it does help when you can talk things through a bit more!  
> Have you not thought of trying different meds? 
> Can you try to get up each day, shower and get dressed and go and sit with your Mum for a while?


I feel marginally better when I've been out in the sun to appointments like I've done this week. Even if it's a brief respite from my room it's a positive step in the right direction. Right now I feel a bit more hopeful but I need to connect that hope with tangible results (ie social outings, some form of work routine), otherwise I'll fall back down into that pit of despair which I've done time & time again. I'm sure we can all relate to that  :(blush): . That's the tricky part that I've always struggled with, finding a routine and sustaining it. Despite my relative progress this week I still feel "emotionless". How do you rekindle a bright spark that's long since been burnt out?. Please don't tell me pills are the answer  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

Why are you going out with people 20+ years older than you? 
I'm not going to tell you that "pills are the answer" because you know as well as I do that actually the only way you're going to get out of this is to force yourself up every morning, shower, get dressed, get out of your room and to do something - what about an online free course? What about a course near you? What about a college course? Something different?

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## SA89

> Why are you going out with people 20+ years older than you? 
> I'm not going to tell you that "pills are the answer" because you know as well as I do that actually the only way you're going to get out of this is to force yourself up every morning, shower, get dressed, get out of your room and to do something - what about an online free course? What about a course near you? What about a college course? Something different?


It's the only meetup group that's in Bolton on the app. I'm looking forward to it as I don't go out at all so it'd be nice even for just a few hours. Funny enough, a few people I grew up with got in touch on facebook saying how it's been so long & they fancy a catch up. But I wouldn't feel comfortable at all because they all have amazing lives with a family and a beautiful wife or girlfriend.

What have I got to show?. Absolutely nothing. The question would inevitably pop up "so what have u been doin all these years, are u still in ur room a lot? do u have a girlfriend yet?". The answer to that would be "yes & I've been suffering with depression and I'm still a worrier as I've always been but I got into support work recently". I feel shame and it hurts even more to see others with significantly better lives than me. I missed out on the social and emotional development that most people have had throughout their teens & 20's. Oh & I received a job rejection today because I wasn't "clear in some of my examples". I'm going to sink again I just know it. Btw I hope I didn't come across as rude when I said pills ain't the answer. I intended it to be said in a jokingly sarcastic kind of way  :(blush): .

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## magie06

Try not to compare yourself with others. Most of what is said on-line is just a 'version' of the truth. No one knows what goes on behind the screen, and what may seem like a very happy relationship, could be the complete opposite. Try not to take everything at face value.

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## Mira

Magie is right. And when I meet people my age who all are married and have kids and live the dream they complain too. Nobody is living the perfect life. So when they meet you even they might be happy to be doing something else. And just hang out. 

When you talk to people about getting a job rejection and talk about it in a normal way they might even offer tips. Because we all had job rejections. When you get an invite by someone they are not sending it to make fun of you. Or look down on you. People that are that way would not even take the time to send you an invite. The people that do want to see you and talk with you. And laugh with you. Not at you.

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## Suzi

You want to look at my life for example.... From the outside I am married, I have 3 amazing children, a lovely house in a great area with a really large garden, my car that I love, 3 dogs....... What you don't see is how much I struggle with my mobility, the fact that there are days when I'm sobbing because my hands hurt or when I move my neck and I stop and wriggle my fingers and toes to make sure I can still move them, the fact that I hope and pray I've lost weight each week, that I have to use mindfulness as a habit and way of life just to be able to move. The fact that it takes me around 30 mins a week to sort out the meds that I take by the handful 4 times a day. You don't see that there are days when I'm having to take Marc his meds in bed because he can't get up, that there are hours when I just sit and listen to him or H, that I'm terrified about B going off to uni because of his Aspies and I can be there to help... 
What I'm trying to say is that yes on the outside I have everything, on the inside that's not quite how things are - don't assume because you don't know.... It's actually a massive achievement that you have actually tried fighting this for so long....

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Strugglingmum (11-04-19)

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## Paula

Sweetie, even when I was in a psychiatric hospital, staff often didnt realise I was a patient because I was always clean and nicely dressed. I had a great husband (who visited me every day) and 2 gorgeous, well adjusted daughters. And yet I was ill enough to need to be a patient. I havent been able to work for almost 12 years because Im so ill yet anyone meeting me is unlikely to see the anxiety, the pain etc etc. What Im trying to say is that its rare that anyone shows the crap, we all want people to think our lives are perfect. Dont believe all you see on Facebook ...

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Strugglingmum (11-04-19),Suzi (11-04-19)

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## magie06

If you are worried about other people being 'more ahead' than you are, then don't! Don't forget that Richard Branson was a good age when he set up Virgin airlines, Morgan Freeman was in his 50's before he was discovered. There are loads more examples out there, of people who didn't follow the 'normal' time lines!
Why blend in when you were made to stand out?!

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OldMike (12-04-19),Suzi (11-04-19)

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## SA89

Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail  :(think): ..




> You want to look at my life for example.... From the outside I am married, I have 3 amazing children, a lovely house in a great area with a really large garden, my car that I love, 3 dogs....... the fact that I hope and pray I've lost weight each week, that I have to use mindfulness as a habit and way of life just to be able to move. The fact that it takes me around 30 mins a week to sort out the meds that I take by the handful 4 times a day. You don't see that there are days when I'm having to take Marc his meds in bed because he can't get up, that there are hours when I just sit and listen to him or H, that I'm terrified about B going off to uni because of his Aspies and I can be there to help... 
> What I'm trying to say is that yes on the outside I have everything, on the inside that's not quite how things are - don't assume because you don't know.... It's actually a massive achievement that you have actually tried fighting this for so long....


wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am. 




> Sweetie, even when I was in a psychiatric hospital, staff often didnt realise I was a patient because I was always clean and nicely dressed. I had a great husband (who visited me every day) and 2 gorgeous, well adjusted daughters. And yet I was ill enough to need to be a patient. I havent been able to work for almost 12 years because Im so ill yet anyone meeting me is unlikely to see the anxiety, the pain etc etc. What Im trying to say is that its rare that anyone shows the crap, we all want people to think our lives are perfect. Dont believe all you see on Facebook ...


Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..




> If you are worried about other people being 'more ahead' than you are, then don't! Don't forget that Richard Branson was a good age when he set up Virgin airlines, Morgan Freeman was in his 50's before he was discovered. There are loads more examples out there, of people who didn't follow the 'normal' time lines!
> Why blend in when you were made to stand out?!


That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine  :S: ..

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## magie06

[QTE=SA89;392984]   twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail  :(think): ..


wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am. 


Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..


That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine  :S: ..[/QUOTE]

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## Suzi

> Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..


That's a terrible thing to say.... That screams lack of respect for anyone who has taken their own lives, those who fight those thoughts on a daily basis and does nothing to make you sound anything like someone who has any respect for anyone at all. It goes against everything that I and thousands of others fight against that kind of flippant comment and stigma around depression and suicide. 
Why exactly do you think they are discriminating against you? 
In what way do you think you gave enough detail, but they didn't - give examples? 




> wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.


Your first sentence here sounds so rude! I'm not, and never have been wanting praise or "well done you" or similar. It's not about that, that isn't why I posted what I did. I hardly ever say how things really are for me. 
No I don't have diagnosed depression - I have had post natal depression 3 times and I have cared for Marc with his breakdowns, and recoveries... Mindfulness is more than sitting in the garden trying to be present once. It takes hours of practise. 
You being a recluse is your choice. There are so many things you could try, but you don't ever seem to take responsibility for any of this... 
It's also important to note that you don't have to be someone who shuts themselves away to be someone who takes their own lives. Again - a flippant comment which does nothing to show you as a respectful and thoughtful human being at all.  


Continued in the next post.

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Allalone (13-04-19),Jaquaia (13-04-19)

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## Suzi

> Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..
> 
> That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine ..


Actually you have the same chances as countless others. You do, however seem to be wallowing in self pity. That isn't something I say lightly, but what things are you doing to help yourself? What therapy are you doing? Are you pushing yourself to get up, get dressed? Are you eating and drinking properly? Are you doing things like helping your Mum around the flat? What about signing up to a free online course or something that proves to potential employers that you are wanting to learn, to progress, to challenge yourself? In all the time I've known you, it's always been someone else's fault that you don't have a gf, a job, the right therapy, etc... Maybe some of it is down to the choices that you make. 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but some of what you've said has really upset and offended me. I am just saying it as I see it....

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Allalone (13-04-19),Jaquaia (13-04-19)

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## Allalone

“They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..”

I apologise now but I’m going to have a little rant. This isn’t something I do but the above quote has hit a raw nerve.

That last sentence in your first paragraph is unbelievable. I would say that over the last six months I have battled suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for about 4-5months. It is a flippant comment that shows no respect for me and thousands of others like me that have battled against these thoughts to still be here now. I have stayed in bed all day, not left the house, or showered etc and sometimes that’s what you need to do but also only you can start making the changes. Living with depression isn’t easy but I’m doing what I can for myself without wallowing in self pity.

Rant over.

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Jaquaia (13-04-19),Paula (13-04-19),Suzi (13-04-19)

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## Suzi

> “They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..”
> 
> I apologise now but I’m going to have a little rant. This isn’t something I do but the above quote has hit a raw nerve.
> 
> That last sentence in your first paragraph is unbelievable. I would say that over the last six months I have battled suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for about 4-5months. It is a flippant comment that shows no respect for me and thousands of others like me that have battled against these thoughts to still be here now. I have stayed in bed all day, not left the house, or showered etc and sometimes that’s what you need to do but also only you can start making the changes. Living with depression isn’t easy but I’m doing what I can for myself without wallowing in self pity.
> 
> Rant over.


This is exactly what I meant when I posted what I did...  :(bear):  :(bear):  :(bear):

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## Jaquaia

> Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..


I didn't reply to you last night as I too was disgusted and would have ranted.

Other candidates could have given better answers and were more suitable for the role. You weren't n their interviews, you have no idea if they did better than you or not. By dismissing this as a possibility you are being pretty horrible to the others and sound pretty entitled and to be brutally honest, like a spoilt child. Just because you felt you did enough doesn't mean that you were right for them or that no one else could have done better than you. 

Most people experience rejections before getting a job offer, it's just how the world is. But to dismiss it as discrimination without even a shred of evidence is disgusting. So many people are discriminated against on a daily basis and can't do anything about it as there is no evidence. People throwing around that accusation because things didn't go their way makes things harder for them.

And if you're vulnerable enough that a job rejection would make you suicidal then you're obviously not well enough to be applying just yet. That's on you, not them and to blame it on them is utterly abhorrent. They're not going to offer you a job just in case rejecting you affects your mental health, they want the best fit for their business.

And your last sentence is incredibly disrespectful to those of us who have battled with suicidal thoughts! It's comments like that which is why people aren't taken seriously. A year ago I was suicidal, there were a number of occasions when I found myself stood holding a handful of opiods when sorting my mums meds and thinking "what if...". I had to battle bloody hard to not act on those thoughts and to see you say that, what came across as "It would teach them a lesson if I killed myself..." no, just no!

Stop blaming everyone else for your life and take some responsibility. You won't start getting better until you do. Listen to the advice you've been given here instead of dismissing it. If you're so dead set against meds, get some counselling. Try mindfulness like Suzi has suggested on a number of occasions. Contact your local Mind and see what help they can offer. See if there is a Recovery College in your area. Search for courses that will get you out and meeting people. There are so many options but you have to be willing to try them.

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Allalone (13-04-19),Suzi (13-04-19)

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## SA89

I'm sorry for the offence I've caused & ye it was flippant but I was  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: ed off yesterday, we all say things we regret. I've had rejection all my life & it hurts. I speak my mind maybe too much at times. Some of what I said has been misconstrued & this is why I hate text speak. I'm trying to be a better person but this isn't gonna happen overnight, I have a mountain to climb. It hurts that everything I've said positive on here to people is now seemingly dismissed or misinterpreted as "rude". Don't why I even bother tbh  :X: .

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## Mira

Trying to be a better person is something commendable. And so worth striving for. It is understandable that yesterday may not have been the best day you could have. It would throw off a lot of us. And rejection stings. If its just or not. This is something we all understand. We all have had rejection and failures in our lives. Some we can not change and some that might be our own fault. But the one thing we all can control is how we react to this. And making comments to people that try to help is not helpful.

Speaking your mind is good. And you should always do that. But there are polite ways of doing it without getting these kind of reactions.

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Allalone (13-04-19),Jaquaia (13-04-19),Paula (13-04-19),Strugglingmum (13-04-19),Suzi (13-04-19)

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## Suzi

> I'm sorry for the offence I've caused & ye it was flippant but I was ed off yesterday, we all say things we regret. I've had rejection all my life & it hurts. I speak my mind maybe too much at times. Some of what I said has been misconstrued & this is why I hate text speak. I'm trying to be a better person but this isn't gonna happen overnight, I have a mountain to climb. It hurts that everything I've said positive on here to people is now seemingly dismissed or misinterpreted as "rude". Don't why I even bother tbh .


Thing is, you made some hideous comments in that post and there was no remorse at all - you could have sent a message to myself or any of the team saying that you made some comments that you wish you hadn't and could we help by editing your post, but you didn't.  Honestly? I don't think that you would be apologising now if people hadn't commented and said how much you upset them. 
Rejection? From here? That's utter b(llocks. We have always welcomed you, no matter what you say or how much we suggest things that you either do or don't act on. No one here has ever rejected you. I have never asked you not to speak your mind, just to be respectful of others and their struggles... 
What exactly do you think has been misconstrued or misinterpreted as "rude"? 
I just want to point out that you have no issues making yourself understood at all on here and you never have done since you stopped text speak  :O:

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Allalone (13-04-19),Jaquaia (13-04-19),Paula (14-04-19)

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## SA89

> Thing is, you made some hideous comments in that post and there was no remorse at all - you could have sent a message to myself or any of the team saying that you made some comments that you wish you hadn't and could we help by editing your post, but you didn't.  Honestly? I don't think that you would be apologising now if people hadn't commented and said how much you upset them. 
> Rejection? From here? That's utter b(llocks. We have always welcomed you, no matter what you say or how much we suggest things that you either do or don't act on. No one here has ever rejected you. I have never asked you not to speak your mind, just to be respectful of others and their struggles... 
> What exactly do you think has been misconstrued or misinterpreted as "rude"? 
> I just want to point out that you have no issues making yourself understood at all on here and you never have done since you stopped text speak


Suzi you've completely misinterpreted a lot of what I've said & you've done it again in that post. Apart from the suicide remark which was unnecessary of me, what hideous comments exactly did I make?. When I said your a trooper, I didn't mean that as condescending or sarcastic, I was genuinely interested in what motivated you to run this forum & you've completely took it the wrong way. Of course I respect others & their struggles because I'm going through the exact same  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  as most on here. To say otherwise is suggesting my mental health isn't as bad as others.

I wasn't referring to rejection on here, I was referring to my life in general. This is exactly what I mean when I say you've taken things I've said out of context. I have as well at times & it's natural with texting (not text speak that's a different thing entirely). As the owner though, if you misinterpretate something it can have a ripple effect as your posts hold more weight as an administrator. And of course I've appreciated the support I've had on here.      




> Trying to be a better person is something commendable. And so worth striving for. It is understandable that yesterday may not have been the best day you could have. It would throw off a lot of us. And rejection stings. If its just or not. This is something we all understand. We all have had rejection and failures in our lives. Some we can not change and some that might be our own fault. But the one thing we all can control is how we react to this. And making comments to people that try to help is not helpful.
> 
> Speaking your mind is good. And you should always do that. But there are polite ways of doing it without getting these kind of reactions.


Thanks, I've always tried to relate my struggles to people on here as I'm aware it can help them too. It's comforting that people can identify with my loneliness, worry & deep despair. That's why I suggested maybe you could also try a meetup group like I'm trying atm for instance  :(nod): . I always strive to relate what I say to everyone else as I know that by being open, it can be reassuring to others who also suffer. If you look at all my posts you'll see that I've always made them relatable. 

I'm the same in person as I wear my heart on my sleeve even in the face of adverse stigma I face in my household. I shout my struggles to the rooftop, don't care who knows lol  :(blush): . A lot of men would be ashamed of being so open but not me. I can see how implying I'd hang myself after a job rejection could be triggering. I'm very vulnerable so it wasn't entirely flippant. But I don't understand the other supposed hurtful comments I made. Apart from that rash remark, everything else has been misintepretrated which is very frustrating. I'm tired of being misunderstood but I guess that's part & parcel of mental health  :(think): ..

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## Suzi

> Suzi you've completely misinterpreted a lot of what I've said & you've done it again in that post.


In which case I apologise. 




> Apart from the suicide remark which was unnecessary of me, what hideous comments exactly did I make?.


 There was more than one flippant comment re suicide. Again you implied that you didn't get the job due to discrimination, that you think that you were better than everyone else. 




> When I said your a trooper, I didn't mean that as condescending or sarcastic, I was genuinely interested in what motivated you to run this forum & you've completely took it the wrong way.


 I apologise for taking it the wrong way, just that after your comment it felt as if you were continuing to be flippant... 



> Of course I respect others & their struggles because I'm going through the exact same  as most on here. To say otherwise is suggesting my mental health isn't as bad as others.


Thing is, you don't appear to be doing everything you can to help yourself. Over the years you've had some brilliant advice about doing things such as getting up every day, speaking to your Dr, doing the 3 positives a day etc and even when you do follow it you revert straight back to staying in your room, and not continuing it. When you stopped your meds we suggested that instead of just stopping that you should go and talk things over with your GP - not even to get different ones (although that may have helped enormously) but just to tell them what you were doing and maybe getting more help in other ways. You didn't. 
I'm not saying your mental health isn't "as bad" as anyone else's - I've never said that. In fact I think you're more likely to find many examples of me saying that whatever you are struggling with is as important and "as bad" as everyone else's because it's happening to you. 




> I wasn't referring to rejection on here, I was referring to my life in general. This is exactly what I mean when I say you've taken things I've said out of context. I have as well at times & it's natural with texting (not text speak that's a different thing entirely). As the owner though, if you misinterpretate something it can have a ripple effect as your posts hold more weight as an administrator. And of course I've appreciated the support I've had on here.


It wasn't only me who read it that way though.... 




> I can see how implying I'd hang myself after a job rejection could be triggering. I'm very vulnerable so it wasn't entirely flippant. But I don't understand the other supposed hurtful comments I made. Apart from that rash remark, everything else has been misintepretrated which is very frustrating. I'm tired of being misunderstood but I guess that's part & parcel of mental health ..


It seems to have been "misinterpreted" by most of the other members of the forum, not just me though so obviously there was something "off" in the way you posted...

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## Paula

When I was growing up, particularly during my teen years, my dad had to say to me on a regular basis - its not what you say, its the way you say it. As Ive grown up, Ive tried to remember that as I interact with everyone in my life. Its not easy for me and Ive failed far too many times, because my natural instinct is to say exactly how I feel, but Im grateful to him for teaching me that. Online, it should in theory be easier as Ive got the opportunity to look at what Im saying before I post (though even then I do get it wrong sometimes) and I try to consider how Id feel if someone had said that to me.

Im sure you dont mean to upset or anger people but, looking at all the comments that have been posted over the last few days, its clear that many members are seeing what you say very differently to what you mean them to see. Perhaps, then, taking some time to look over your comments before posting, and more closely consider the impact they could have on other members, could mean theyd be misinterpreted less often?

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Allalone (15-04-19),Strugglingmum (15-04-19),Suzi (15-04-19)

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## SA89

hey I attended a meetup group yesterday with 7 strangers at a marketplace bar. It featured an open mic night were musicians would get up & perform 1 after another. I was really chatty despite not knowing the group & they seemed to be very welcoming. The lady who runs it is a mental health worker & the assistant is a police woman. I stayed from 7-15pm-11.5pm then walked it home from town in the dark as I missed the last bus. 1 guy even opened up to me about his own anxiety & depression & I shared my story with him. This group meets up regularly & I've put my name down for each outing, next 1 is a comedy night I believe.

I know I should take more responsibility so hopefully this helps me to socialise. I emailed HR from the training I did recently & they said I need to do my 2 shadow shifts before the next refresher course. I'm worried though caus it's a very challenging environment to work in & I'm not an independant person at all. I can't even use a washing machine so how am I going to support people with autism?  :S: . I have some brief experience with autism but not in a facility like this. And once again I'm sorry for offending anyone. I was really hurt after those 3 job rejections & it's discouraged me from ever finding a career.  I should have also been more clear because typing is not always easy to convey  :(blush): .

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## Suzi

That group sounds fab!

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## Paula

That group sounds awesome! Well done for going and for signing up for more get together  :):

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## SA89

Had kind of a social breakthrough on Saturday by drinking with my brother & some girls on the estate. I walked shop with them & then drank vodka outside their house. It was something I'd thought I'd never do as it's a rough area were I live. Then a car pulled up & some guy came walking down wielding 2 machetes!. He had both his young daughters with him & he punched the car window caus his girlfriend was sitting in the back. He threatened the driver before walking off as he assumed she was cheating with him. His 6 year old kids were crying their eyes out.

Thank goodness his girlfriend didn't try it on with me as she was being flirty all night. After that I went to my aunts & chilled in her garden shed with some lads. 1 of which had been in prison for theft & assault. I had a bloody mary then came home with a fiver missing & he was sat right next to me. He's stole a phone from me in the past apparently. He seemed friendly with me as well. It's only a fiver so I'm not gonna report it & risk my life in the process but I still feel violated. He even said "You gotta kill or be killed" when discussing knife crime. So all in all an unusually sociable night for me. At least it got me out of the house right? lol  :(blush): ..

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## Mira

Hey,

Yes great you got out and that you had a breakthrough. But is this the sort of social things you would like to do? I find it hard to believe any good can come from that.

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## Paula

I dont quite know what to say about all that except, theres no way in hell Id have stayed in that environment for more than a millisecond. Thats not healthy socialising, love

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## Suzi

Erm.... I'm not sure where to start with that.... Sitting outside drinking vodka isn't going to help as you know that alcohol is a depressant.. Hanging around with people who think carrying knives is OK let alone with small children around is, quite frankly, a disaster waiting to happen.. 
Also why were you drinking bloody mary's in a shed "with some lads"?

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## SA89

> Hey, Yes great you got out and that you had a breakthrough. But is this the sort of social things you would like to do? I find it hard to believe any good can come from that.


I've never mixed before with these people as they're completely different to me but I just needed to get out as the weather was nice.




> I dont quite know what to say about all that except, theres no way in hell Id have stayed in that environment for more than a millisecond. Thats not healthy socialising, love


I know but there's not many options in my area in regards to decent people. It's a rough area in Bolton so most of the people here are  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: heads, potheads or on crack. That's exactly why I don't socialise but this was a one off. 




> Erm.... I'm not sure where to start with that.... Sitting outside drinking vodka isn't going to help as you know that alcohol is a depressant.. Hanging around with people who think carrying knives is OK let alone with small children around is, quite frankly, a disaster waiting to happen.. 
> Also why were you drinking bloody mary's in a shed "with some lads"?


I'm not even a drinker & haven't had alcohol in a year, except for the half lager last week & the vodka on saturday. I weren't hanging around with the guy with the machetes, he came on the street & started kicking off which was my cue to leave. The shed is more of a mini garden house which looks really nice. 

My aunt invited me round to have a look at the lights around the garden. Her fella's constructed it all for her & he's very chilled. There just happened to be a few lads around, 1 of which had been in the local paper for theft & assualt. I tried a bit of bloody mary which was revolting then left about 1.20am with a fiver missing  :S: .

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## Suzi

Maybe you could have a look outside your immediate area? I'm sure not all of Bolton is that rough...

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## magie06

My town is known the length and breadth of the country for having a very, very bad image. That doesn't mean I spend my days and nights in the bad areas. I stick with my own kind and socialize with people I like.

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Suzi (24-04-19)

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## Paula

Hey lovely. Your thread is over a 100 pages long.  Maybe its time to close this one and start a new one?

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Suzi (24-04-19)

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## SA89

I went to another meetup last night, this time it was a quiz night. It was a chilled evening at a cafe/games place. 1 of the older women there was very patronizing. Everytime I spoke she would speak to me in a strict tone for no reason whatsoever. She even berated me for not being into Harry Potter!  :(blush): . I also felt like my suggestions were being ignored at times. I hate it when I speak and then people look away and I'm not acknowledged. A lot of fellow introverts will relate to this. In the company of highly extroverted people it can feel like you're indirectly ostracized. Like they're somehow superior because of the adventurous lifestyles they lead in comparison.

I've got another 2 scheduled for next Thurs & Fri. I could have stayed out as I was in the mood for a dance but didn't realise my old friend was in town until I got home. Later on, the whole  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear: in street walked into my kitchen and sat down in front of my mum smoking weed till after 2am. It's easy to say kick them out but it could have escalated as they were drunk so we tried to keep the peace. They were civil but it was completely disrespectful  :(think): . I'm not sure about creating a new thread but I guess I could think about it.

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## Suzi

At 124 pages, this is too long really... Please start a new one and I'll close this one. 

I think your Mum needs to set some ground rules as that behaviour is totally unacceptable.

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## SA89

> At 124 pages, this is too long really... Please start a new one and I'll close this one. 
> 
> I think your Mum needs to set some ground rules as that behaviour is totally unacceptable.


Hey feel free to close this suzi, I've created a new thread as this was getting too long. But I'm proud of the interest this thread has generated as it shows people can relate. I'll miss this thread  :(blush): ..

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