# Help and Advice > Home straight >  cautiously optimistic

## The_Scientist

so it seems joining up here and talking things out is helping immensely. i feel less isolated and more connected, and i'm doing things more. tentatively i'll say i'm feeling better. i fully expect a relapse at some point (it's just how it seems to work with me) and we'll see how i feel once the show is ovwer and i go back to work, but for now things are on the up.

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purplefan (21-06-15)

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## rose

Good to hear  :):  Sometimes talking, even if its not about depression, really helps.

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The_Scientist (02-02-15)

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## Angie

Glad to hear this hun.

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The_Scientist (02-02-15)

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## S deleted

great news. This place is a god send. Some awesome folk here.

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The_Scientist (02-02-15)

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## Suzi

So glad that we could be of help! Well done you!

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The_Scientist (02-02-15)

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## new2015

Cautious optimism is OPTIMISM which is always fantastic  :):  I'm happy for you

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The_Scientist (02-02-15)

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## Chroniko

Well done. It is pretty brave of you to say you are feeling even a little better in the face of what you consider to be a possible relapse. Try to remember how you feel right now not as a rarity, but perhaps as something you have always been capable of all along.  :):

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Suzi (02-02-15),The_Scientist (02-02-15)

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## The_Scientist

the slump happened, but it wasnt as bad as i was expecting. yesterday i felt ore myself than i have done in a long time and today i dont feel like the rain cloud is still there. i'm bummed out about valentines day, but that's nothing new. i think it's looking up

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## Paula

> the slump happened, but it wasnt as bad as i was expecting. yesterday i felt ore myself than i have done in a long time and today i dont feel like the rain cloud is still there. i'm bummed out about valentines day, but that's nothing new. i think it's looking up


You've stepped on my point there  :O:  I was going to say ups and downs are natural in everybody's lives and I'm do glad you're seeing some light  :):

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## The_Scientist

i think haing made a firm decision about the masters helped immensely (i really like that word at the moment for some reason). there's much still to do, but at least im not trying to go through multiple doors at once.

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Paula (14-02-15)

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## Suzi

So glad that you have been looking up.

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## The_Scientist

i'm gonna go ahead and say i'm back here again  :):

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## Suzi

Good!

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## purplefan

Really good to here from you again mate. I hope things continue to improve.

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## Paula

Cautiously optimistic is good, very good  :):

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## The_Scientist

the only thing i will say is that yeah, i feel better, but i'm still bored. i've got little interest in doing solitary things like painting, watching tv etc, and i just want to go out and do things with people. audio books are helping a little, as is spotify, but i need more human interaction, and for the moment that's not forthcoming.

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## Suzi

Can you not arrange to meet up with people?

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## The_Scientist

had a go, but people are either working when im free, or in general not up for doing anything, especially not at short notice. that said, i did go out this evening, saw Jurassic World (which was absurdity distilled and i loved it).

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## Paula

Is there anything you've always fancied doing that you can give a go to get you out of the house?

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## Suzi

What about arranging something for another night?

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## The_Scientist

so the interview went well, i should hear back today or tomorrow, and i have somewhere to live from September  :):  now just to apply for the funding loan/wait to hear back about the scholarship. all is well  :):

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## Suzi

Wow that's brilliant!

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## The_Scientist

i'm through to the next stage  :):

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## Paula

> i'm through to the next stage


 :(party):  :(party):  :(party):

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The_Scientist (01-07-15)

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## Suzi

Hoorah!!

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The_Scientist (01-07-15)

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## magie06

Well done. You must be delighted.

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The_Scientist (02-07-15)

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## The_Scientist

truly i am  :):

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## The_Scientist

well i'm back. I thought about putting an update in the coping section, but this seemed more positive.

first off, I got the job. it's 10 hours a week during term time, which covers my rent at least. i'll have to get a shift or 2 elsewhere to cover food and bills, but that's doable. i'm keeping my current job open for the time being in case I want to pop back for the holidays and need work, but it'll likely be minimal hours for my own sake. in the meantime, I have 2 shifts left.

the ex boyfriend situation, when it came to it, wasn't actually as difficult to deal with as I though it would be. long and short of it is I may end up bumping into him at a mutual fiends birthday thing and naturally ran through the possible ways that could go. I decided the most likely was that he'll be pathetic, and i'll probably get angry in response, but it's not worth letting him ruin my night, which ultimately serves as a metaphor for the entire situation. I may choose not to go to this event to avoid causing a scene or to avoid having to avoid causing one, but I think i'll end up deciding on the night.

overall my mood has been a lot better. the lack of emotional response to things seems to come from genuine boredom rather than from depression, as I'm realising that theres not actually a lot around here that holds my interest or means much to me, and the friends I have here are no longer very important to me. that said, I think there may be a kind of warm up period in social situations where I'm having to ease into it mentally and emotionally, if that makes any sense at all. it's not really that I cant feel anything, its more that I'm zoning in and out, both mentally and emotionally.

I'm still getting the low points, but they seem to be more focused now, and I'm attempting to get back in touch with my therapist to work through them. its mainly self esteem and trust issues that I think have some root in childhood experiences. I might make a thread about them, we'll see.

overall, vast improvement  :):

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## Paula

That's wonderful to hear  :):

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## Angie

That does sound wonderful x

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## Suzi

I'm so pleased for you that all sounds really positive!

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## The_Scientist

gotta be honest though, now the packing has started and it's all rather imminent, I'm beginning to feel just a tad overwhelmed

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## Paula

You'll be great! When is it all happening?

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## The_Scientist

my friend's wedding is a 5 day event happening Wednesday til sunday (packing for that now), and then I move on the 1st sept and start my new job on 7th, course starts on the 21st.

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## magie06

Wow, what a week. Packing can be difficult at the best of times, without the excitement of a new job as well. You will be great. Enjoy the wedding and best of look in the new job.

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## The_Scientist

I would feel less stressed if I hadn't just come back from a few days in London to see my aussie friend (which was amazing!) and if people weren't hogging the washing machine.

but thanks all, i'm excited  :):

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Paula (16-08-15)

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## purplefan

I am so happy for you mate. It is about time you had a bit of happiness and getting out of that awful situation. 
Grab that future with both hands.

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## Suzi

Such lovely news!

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## The_Scientist

well i'm still here. i might be swtiching the course to part time so i can afford minor things like rent, and it's possibly been the most intense 3 months of my life, but i've almost made it through the first term  :):

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## Suzi

Oh wow it's lovely to hear from you! How are things?

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## The_Scientist

i've been up and down, but i've been having regular meetings with the wellbeing centre on campus which hve helped keep me grounded. grades have been mixed, but i'm passing which is the main thing. i guess you could say i'm still having minor issues with the whole casual sex thing, but i've been safe and i'm now making much more of an effort to actually meet someone for keeps, which has been difficult considering i'm 3-6 years older than most people here. 

it's been pretty lonely and there have definitely been times when i've questioned all of my life choices and wondered if i'd made the right decision or bitten off more than i can chew, but overall i'm glad i'm here. my mooid hasnt been half as consistent as it was just before i left but the average is better. i'm startng to get that end of term feeling where i just want to go home for a bit, which i'm doing in 2 weeks. i've got work to be doing over the holidays which is fine, it'll give me something to do but it'll be nice to have to adult less.

weirdly i managed to forget a lot of the stuff i'd learnt and built up to keep me going before i left, which i think is partly why i've struggled this term, but i'm sorting that out and putting it all back in place again  :):

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## The_Scientist

it perhaps sums it all up that you've caught me just as i'm dancing around the kitchen in my pjs to show tunes while waiting for a cobbled together meal to cook  :P:

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## OldMike

> it perhaps sums it all up that you've caught me just as i'm dancing around the kitchen in my pjs to show tunes while waiting for a cobbled together meal to cook


Dancin', cookin' & postin' on this forum you sure are a multitalented multitasker. Glad to hear you're slowly getting things sorted.  :(nod):

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The_Scientist (04-12-15)

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## Paula

Great to see you back  :):

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The_Scientist (04-12-15)

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## Hugo-agogo

Hey Scientist, it's good to see you on the boards again  :):  Glad to hear you are doing well even if things haven't been easy!

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The_Scientist (04-12-15)

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## The_Scientist

i think i've just made an incredibly stupid and terrible mistake. i've slaved all night over a hot computer to get this esssay done. i literally haven't slept. i had an extension and it's due to be emailed in at 11 am today. except i've just looked at the cover sheet and i've got the dates wrong. i thought the original deadline was the 11th, but it's the 7th, meaning with the extension i shoudl've had it in last monday. no one's in the office until 5th jan but if they don't accept it, i've pretty much failed the course. i can't believe i've done it. not quite sure what to do now...

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## Mira

That is real unfortunate. And I know how things like this can make a person feel. But try to relax about it. There is not much you can do about it at the moment. As soon as you can speak with them you can explain the situation and see what can be done.

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Paula (01-01-16)

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## The_Scientist

i'm not sure anything can be done tbh. but you're right. i'm gonna try and get some sleep.

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## Suzi

Oh no! That's a crap thing to happen - can you contact your tutor (even via email) and let them know what's going on?

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## The_Scientist

> Oh no! That's a crap thing to happen - can you contact your tutor (even via email) and let them know what's going on?


well i've copied him into the email i sent handing it in. both he and the admin person are rather scatty so i might he ok. thing is, they cant be seen to be giving me special trreatment or anything, so i really don't know how it's going to go. but what a waste if it causes me to fail  :(:

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## Paula

Welf's right, nothing can be done now til Tuesday.  I know it's hard, but try to put it to the back of your mind til you know what can be done - but follow up your email by calling them Tuesday  :(bear):

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## The_Scientist

> Welf's right, nothing can be done now til Tuesday.  I know it's hard, but try to put it to the back of your mind til you know what can be done - but follow up your email by calling them Tuesday


yeah, i'll be able to drop in tuesday. im feeling better after a sleep. if i get away with then fine. if i fail the module but can still pass the course, fine. if its an instafail, ill still be enrolled so ill carry on but with the pressure off, and keep working some more and apply for proper things. i'm not gonna roll over and die over it.

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Paula (01-01-16)

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## The_Scientist

fmy tutor emailed back and i think it's all ok

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Paula (01-01-16)

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## OldMike

> fmy tutor emailed back and i think it's all ok


Cool, I'm glad it looks as if your assignment will be ok.

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## Paula

Good  :):

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## Suzi

Excellent!

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## The_Scientist

just a quick update, exams are all done now, I just have my thesis to do over summer. that's off to a slow start but we're getting there. 

moods been fairly up and down of late, but i'm putting that down to both exams and a sudden loss of structure in the course, i'll soon get there. I've been on the look out for potential dates and whatnot, met up with a couple of guys but it didn't work out for several reasons. on the whole I'm remaining positive but i'm still getting the lingering sense of feeling fat and ugly and boring. I *know* it's not true but it's hard to shake. I'm still going for regular appointments with the wellbeing bloke which is helping.

to add to frustrations, my bike got stolen fro outside my house last week and because it was chained up outside and not inside, it's not covered by insurance, but I guess it's not the end of the world.

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## Paula

Sounds generally positive? Well done on completely your exams

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## Suzi

It's lovely to hear from you! I was hoping that things were doing OK!

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## OldMike

Glad to hear from you Liam and that things are moving in a positive direction.

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