# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  New and needs help

## Slomka

Hello,
I am new to the site. I have a boyfriend who suffers from depression and wants to "end things" because he cannot cope with the pressure and it not suited for a relationship. Is that the illness talking or does he really prefer to be left alone. I know each case is different but I would appreciate your feedback. Could you also recommend any good book that explains a bit what is going on in his head and how can the partner help/ accompany him?

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD!
I can relate to your position as it was my partner (now husband) who had a breakdown which led me to starting this place. 
It's tough. It's really tough. You're fighting against something you can't see and you don't know the rules of the game - neither does he. The depression is going to be telling him that he's not good enough, that you are better off without him and you have to make a decision as to what you want. It's not all doom and gloom and I've been with my better half for almost 20 years. We've been through 2 breakdowns, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia and I say "we" because I've tried to be there at every stage with him, go to the drs, the therapy  - as much as I could because we are a "we" itms? We've got married, had 3 children, several house moves, grief on both sides and dogs - including 12 foster dogs! It's not easy, but you can do it, but you have to talk, talk and keep talking. 
Has he seen a Dr about how he is feeling? Medication? Counselling?

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OldMike (20-09-18)

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## Paula

Hi and welcome  :(hi): . Yes its probably the illness talking, Im afraid. Its important you make sure he knows you love him - even little things like taking him a cuppa without him asking can make a difference. Its even more important that you take care of yourself because caring for someone with mental health problems is challenging and exhausting

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## OldMike

Hi Slomka, sounds like it is the illness talking. I can't really add anything to Suzi's excellent post.

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Suzi (21-09-18)

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