# Help and Advice > Friend/relative has depression support >  Boyfriend with depression has ended things

## Sallycinnamon

I've been seeing this guy for a year. We're in our early 40's and have kids from previous relationships who we have both grown close to. We live around 50 minutes from each other and as Im a single parent we manage to see each other every weekend but talk daily.   He suffers from depression which gets worse this time of year and he'll go from being happy and loving, talks about moving in and getting married (instigated by him) to I'd be better off without him and the hassle of his complicated life. Both his exes are making it difficult for him to see the kids who he loves dearly and they him. He told me he has never loved anyone like he loves me and has never had someone so supportive. We had a great weekend away together last weekend and on Monday night he told me that after this weekend he loved me even more and that I was his soulmate. On Tuesday he finished with me saying he was struggling with his life (his ex and children) and the distance between us and couldn't do it anymore and he'd been struggling for a while.  He said it was breaking his heart having to do it. This was done through text. He wouldn't answer the phone to me. He then blocked me and my children from Facebook. I sent him a long heartfelt message yesterday on WhatsApp which he read but didn't respond to and admittedly a few hours later I sent him another one calling him cruel the way he ended things without even the decency of a phone call and that I didn't deserve this that he's broken my heart. I said that I would block him on WhatsApp and my phone so he wouldn't have to hear from me again. Now I'm in a panic because we can't communicate at all and even if I unblock him what if he doesn't respond again?  I'm heartbroken, feel helpless and so confused. How can someone say they love someone so much one day to cut you out of their life the next day? Is this the depression or was he lying for the whole of the relationship?

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## Paula

Hi and welcome, Sally, Im so sorry youve been hurt like this. No one except your boyfriend can tell you why hes made this decision. There could be any number of reasons - he may have felt this way for a while but didnt know how to tell you, he may be finding the balancing act between his exes, his children and you too hard to cope with. It may be that he feels hes a burden on you and doesnt want to continue doing this to you, it may be he feels youre better off without him. Depression can also make you feel numb and this may mean he feels his feelings for you are suppressed - and this potentially could happen overnight. 

I cant tell you whether you should unblock him or not but I would say its early days to give up on him. He may just need you to gently tell him that you wont put any pressure on him but that youre there for him if he needs you. Let him know youre not going anywhere right now and leave it in his court. Ultimately, it may not change anything but he may appreciate having the space to deal with whatever hes going through

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## Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. 
I completely agree with everything that Paula has said. I am also sorry that you're in pain, but you guys have been together for over a year and you say that you are aware of his mental health and this can be a horrible time for so many with the changing of the seasons, the getting dark earlier, the run up to Christmas etc No it doesn't excuse his behaviour at all, and dumping you by text suggests to me that he's not done it because he really wanted to, but maybe because he didn't think he deserves you or you shouldn't be with someone like him. Depression robs people of self worth, self esteem and just envelopes them in a dark cloud.... 

Again I can't tell you what to do, but is it worth another go to see if maybe what he needs is to see his Dr?

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you both for your kind replies. He hasn't admitted to himself that he suffers from depression. I hinted at him going to see his doctor a few months back but he said he didn't need to go. He sees himself as feeling low through circumstances out of his control and not depressed.  He had said at that time that he thought I'd be better off without him him and that his kids would be too. Which is absolutely not true he's an excellent Father.  I'm scared to reach out to him as I sent him quite an angry last message calling him cruel and that I hoped that his son's don't grow up to treat women like he does. I deeply regret that message but it was out of frustration that I'd sent him such a long heartfelt message a few hours before and he didn't reply. Now I'm petrified of contacting him.

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## Suzi

Maybe you should just tell him that you regret sending the message, it was sent out of anger but actually you feel....... ?

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## Sallycinnamon

I was thinking of sending a message saying that. Maybe like Paula suggested. Then maybe telling him if he really doesn't want anything to do with me he could block me from WhatsApp and delete my number as I'm not strong enough to do it?

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## Paula

You probably dont need to talking about blocking numbers - if he wants to he will, if he doesnt he may see it as a hint that you want him to.

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## Sallycinnamon

Yes I didn't think of it that way. My mind is not functioning properly at the moment.  He's at work all day today plus sleeping in there so maybe I'll wait until he's home tomorrow?

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## Suzi

Just speak from the heart, send the message when you are ready. Be warned it might take a while for him to reply - just hang on in there.

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## Sallycinnamon

I'm building myself up to send it and my stomach is in knots. I''m in limbo at the moment so I guess that when I send the message I'll know where I stand if he answers or not. Then I'll leave it to him.

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## Sallycinnamon

I've just sent the message.  I'm actually shaking 😨

Sorry I sent that twice!

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## Paula

Well done, lovely

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you x

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## Suzi

Well done! I hope you hear something positive really soon... Keep talking - it will help..

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## Sallycinnamon

He's in work at the moment so he might not reply for that reason or he just might not reply at all. I won't go on WhatsApp now until tomorrow I don't want him thinking I'm on it constantly waiting for his response. Hell I might even be blocked by now! Thank you, getting the advise from you on here made me send the message. I would've been too scared and ashamed otherwise. x

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## Suzi

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of at all.

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## Sallycinnamon

I was ashamed of my last response to him. But at least now he knows I'm here if he wants.

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## Suzi

That message was sent in anger. It's totally understandable... Hang on in there. Whether he chooses to reply and get together again or not, at least you'll know and he will know how you truly feel...

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## Sallycinnamon

He answered! He says he deserved my angry message and that he's angry about everything at the moment.  He's sorry about hurting me and ruining everything.  I haven't responded yet as I'm trying to think of what to say without scaring him and pushing him away again.

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## Paula

Thats a good start, lovely. He knows youre there for him now and thats so important for you both  :):

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## Sallycinnamon

He sent me another one early hours saying he feels bad for what he's done to me and he always will and I was right in what I said in my messages to him.  I just sent one to tell him he doesn't need to add feeling bad about me to what he's going through he has enough to deal with at the moment.

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## Suzi

Maybe suggest that he thinks about getting an appointment with his Dr? Maybe you could offer to go with him?

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## Sallycinnamon

I've just told him that I'm always there for him and that I love him. He said that he loved me and always will. I'm not putting any pressure on him to take me back though.  He's been drinking a lot on his own since we ended, which in itself is a depressant and he knows it's wrong. I've suggested he tries to keep busy and that I'll be there for him if he needs. He can't get the bad feeling of what he's done to me out of his head. I've said that he doesn't need to do that as he has enough to deal with.

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## Suzi

Sound like you are doing everything you can. You're amazing.

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you.  Being on here and trying to understand something about depression has helped me. I want to Thank you for your help and kindness.

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Suzi (19-11-17)

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## Paula

One important point to make - in worrying about his mental health, please make sure you dont neglect your own. Stress can have a big impact on anyone

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## Sallycinnamon

Yes Thank you. I know that I've been neglecting myself these past few days. Today was the first time I've eaten since this happened and I know it's not healthy.  The nausea is getting better Thank goodness. I now have a cold and I'm guessing that all this bought it on.

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## Suzi

Make sure you are kind to yourself x

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you I'm trying. We're still talking just general chit chat at the moment though. x

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## Paula

Nothing wrong with chit chat. Youre doing great, hunni

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you.  It's hard going at the moment as we were so used to talking constantly through the day and now his replies are taking ages. I'm trying not to overthink things and I'm giving him space. I desperately want to know what he thinks about us getting back together but I'm not going to bring that up yet. I know I'm in an emotional state at the moment and don't want to scare him off and put pressure on him. It's really hard though!

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## Suzi

Keep doing what you're doing. You are both still talking which is a huge thing right now.

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you. I left it to him to make contact today. I had a good talk with myself and told myself to be more positive and humorous in my replies. We've been texting all evening and he just told me that he doesn't want to lose me that I'm his soulmate.  I've told him that he has to be 100% sure that this is what he wants as we can't go through this hell again.

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## Suzi

:(bear):  Are you looking after you?

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## Sallycinnamon

Yes I'm getting there Thank you. I've said that if he feels like he did last week ever again that he'll have to let me in and help him that I can't go through the pain of this past week ever again. I know it's not going to be easy as he is sure to get low again someday.  I'm taking baby steps back into the relationship.  I really want to Thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping me sane these past few days. x

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## Paula

Hey, it was all you! We were just on the sidelines with pom-poms  :O:

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## Suzi

Absolutely agree with Paula - you did this, we just supported you along the way...

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## Sallycinnamon

It was your help that got me through It, I would've bombarded him crying or even ended up at his house like a stalker otherwise. You helped me put things into perspective when I was out of control. Thank you x

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## Suzi

No problem, but I hope you're going to stick around and let us get to know you better?

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## Sallycinnamon

Oh yes I will be definitely.  x

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## Suzi

Good!  :):  You seem lovely, so it'd be great to have that opportunity  :O:

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Paula (22-11-17)

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you as do you too. You do an amazing job on here. I will always be thankfull x

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## Suzi

Thank you. I'm very lucky to have an amazing team who allow me to run this place, the facebook page and my own family life.

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## Sallycinnamon

Well I'm back! Not two months have passed and he's ended things again. Says his head is all over the place and he has to deal with it by himself. Doesn't want to put me through this again although he loves me. I'm devastated yet again BUT for my own peace of mind and mental health, I have to accept it this time. I've deleted his number this time so no going back.  Just thought I'd update you as you were so helpful to me last time. I'm still thankfull to you guys xx

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## Paula

Im sorry ,Sally, but you are right - you need to look after yourself  :(bear):

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## Sallycinnamon

Thank you Paula. As hard as it is I'm keeping stronger this time. Thank you xx

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## Suzi

It's lovely to see you, but I'm sorry it's not under happier circumstances. You are right though, you really do need to put you first and to be happy. You're always welcome to stick around here too  :O:

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## TiffanyyO

> Well I'm back! Not two months have passed and he's ended things again. Says his head is all over the place and he has to deal with it by himself. Doesn't want to put me through this again although he loves me. I'm devastated yet again BUT for my own peace of mind and mental health, I have to accept it this time. I've deleted his number this time so no going back.  Just thought I'd update you as you were so helpful to me last time. I'm still thankfull to you guys xx


im going through this exact thing. *hugs* its tough
we can do it though xoxo

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