# Help and Advice > Questions/Information about depression >  Do I have depression?

## thatsthat

Hi all 
Wrote an epic post earlier but lost everything when battery went dead!? So I'm a bit drunk to write something longer sorry.it was good honest!
Had a lovely conversation with my wife earlier after a tear and a beer she was trying to say my depression she's thinks is somethin that todays society creates as an over expectation on some people and pushes their tolerances too far and makes people feel bad? Sounded good to me and she made me feel better for a while but what I wouldn't give for someone who felt exactly like me to talk to. I have no choice but to work where I hate or be homeless because of debt, i support my wife and 2 children only just, although they do appreciate my sacrifices.  Life seems to be about everything but me. I just have to put up with life's BS and pettiness each day and carry on. Just to say I'm struggling inside and a bit more desperate as weeks go on. 
 Sorry for reading
J

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## thatsthat

It seems that different people have an idea of what I am, and what I should be. And then there's me.
Quote AD

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## Paula

:(bear):

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## Suzi

Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? Have you told your wife how bad things are right now?

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## OldMike

Hi "thatsthat", have you spoken to your doctor yet, if not then it is a good place to start, tell him/her exactly how you feel as there are different medications and therapies available these days which help considerably.

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## purplefan

I have no idea if it is depression or not we can't diagnose things on here as it could lead to trouble. Please like Suzi and Mike said the best person to tell you is the Doctor. Alcohol is not going to help the situation i do know that.  There are a couple of triggers that you might pot like for instance.
Have you stopped doing the things you used to like doing?
Is your personal hygiene ok? 
As I said I can't tell if it is depression but I should check it out.

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## thatsthat

Hello
Yea I've been to the docs many times on ADs for years and told told my wife how things are couple of days ago that was what the beer was for a bit of courage don't really drink regular and haven't for years. Sorry didn't explain myself properly been depressed since my 20s and I think probably before that and I'm 44 now. She is right behind me and will always help all she can , but I can't help but thinking she doesn't really get it only someone who knows would? Sorry again for my drunken rambling few days ago just needed to say something and that was it. Thanks all. 


There isn't much I have to say, that I wouldn't rather just shut up and do. AniD

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## Suzi

No, those of us who haven't had depression can't ever really understand, but that doesn't stop us from caring and wanting to try to understand as best as we could. The same could be said for so many things - you can't ever truly understand what pregnancy or giving birth or a period feels like but it doesn't stop you from trying... The same with depression/happiness too....

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## thatsthat

Yeah I know I'm lucky my wife is has stuck with me through it all, all these years. Didn't mean for it to sound ungrateful. She's the best

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## Suzi

Have you told her that recently?

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## thatsthat

Yep many times

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## Paula

Keep telling her until she believes it

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## Suzi

And then tell her some more.

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Paula (24-04-16)

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## thatsthat

Ok? Have i done something to upset you. My wife encouraged me to use this forum to maybe find some like minded people who are going through same things. But if im not welcome just say pls

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## Paula

Nothing at all. But we are only stressing how important it is to let your wife know you love her, over and over. A common symptom of depression is we tend to push our loved ones away because we're either highly emotional or numb. So it's vital that our partners know that, despite what may seem, we do love them itms

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## Suzi

> Ok? Have i done something to upset you. My wife encouraged me to use this forum to maybe find some like minded people who are going through same things. But if im not welcome just say pls


Sorry, I don't think that either of the replies indicate you have... Just that often with depression comes feelings of low self worth, feelings being dulled/numb, and a very strange way of looking at things - hence why we suggested that you keep on telling her that you love her.... It will help.

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## thatsthat

Hi Ive come to the wrong place sorry l thought id explained that the only thing that keeps me going is my wife and children. It wasnt an attack on my wife saying she doesnt understand me. My wife gets she doesnt understand evreything i mean and i dont expect her too thats why i came here expecting people who are struggling with depression with some life experiences to share. Bringing up pregnancy child birth periods to knock me back to remind men dont know theyre born attitude i guess im not really welcome here. Maybe forums are no good for me. Good luck all.x

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## Paula

We know you're not attacking your wife, we also know you're trying to do the best you can, as a partnership, under very difficult circumstances. I personally know how hard it is to keep your marriage healthy while going through all this - I'm the one with depression. All we were saying is to show you both you're not alone.

I think you may have read things into what we've said that weren't there. Of course you're welcome here! It's your choice if you post, of course, but I hope you can feel able to talk to us again.

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## rose

Hey, I don't know if you are still reading this, but there are lots of people here who have depression (myself included) who will try very hard to understand how you feel and what you're going through.
 :(bear):

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## Suzi

> Hi Ive come to the wrong place sorry l thought id explained that the only thing that keeps me going is my wife and children. It wasnt an attack on my wife saying she doesnt understand me. My wife gets she doesnt understand evreything i mean and i dont expect her too thats why i came here expecting people who are struggling with depression with some life experiences to share. Bringing up pregnancy child birth periods to knock me back to remind men dont know theyre born attitude i guess im not really welcome here. Maybe forums are no good for me. Good luck all.x


I'm sorry you feel like this, but I genuinely can't see anything which suggests you aren't welcome here - please, if you could can you stay and talk and show me? I know how hard it is to be the partner of someone with depression as I've supported my husband through depression, break down(s), paranoia, social phobia and more... Really, I'm genuinely really upset you feel that you feel as you've stated... Stay and talk to us. We have many male members and you are definitely more than welcome.

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## thatsthat

Hi all
Over a year since I posted. flip! I'm still here! not depression free but OK  (don't want to jinx it!) Maybe I did read into somethings that I shouldn't have and for that I apologise, but that's where I was at that time and to be honest it's hard to remember who I was then and how i am now. Depression seems to ebb and flow with me, never gone but at different levels. Stuck in my head that I had to reply and apologise.
Thanks for listening, good luck all. 
Jeff

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## Paula

Hi Jeff, it's good to see you again  :):

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## Suzi

Hi Jeff, as Paula says it's lovely to see you again!

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## Ratherblue2

maybe not,your just feeling sad.Everyone has the right to be sad for a few days for even weeks,but from what i know if you have been feeling extreme sad for more than a month you will probably be better to visit a doctor for help.

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## Amaya

Welcome back  :):

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## thatsthat

Thank you all, even since april my mood has dipped and im in my dark place and my anxiety is sky high. My tolerance of people is 0 at mo and workplace feels like its killing me I so exhausted. Probably see dr this week, but seems to be prozac to cymbalta to whatever and always end in same place. Cant take anymore sick days, drink has been sustaining me last few months, I know its no good but gives me hour or 2 of relief but ive never thought more of a finding a way out than I have lately. Hope your all fairing better than me. J

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## Suzi

If you are using alcohol to self medicate then to be honest I'm not surprised things aren't great. Alcohol is a natural depressant. It reduces the way that meds can work - not to mention what it's doing to your insides. Alcohol also affects social issues - hence why your tolerance is low etc etc etc.. When you go to the Dr please be honest about how much you are drinking... 
How much are you drinking?

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## thatsthat

Hi 
Not stupid amounts, went to drs and was honest, prescription came out again prozac and cymbalta. Only question I was asked was have I been hospitalized. If I haven't I suppose im low risk? To get help am I supposed to breakdown  and cry?, i just haven't got the energy for that. Ta Jeff

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## Suzi

Sorry Jeff... Can you call ahead to book your next appointment and ask for it to be with someone who has a special interest in mental health?

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## Paula

Exactly how honest? Can you print off your posts here and show them to a doctor? Do you keep a mood diary that you could take to an appointment? It's hard to be as honest as we need to be in the space of a 10 min appt but having it written down can shortcut that conversation effectively

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## thatsthat

Yep it is difficult to say what you want in 10 mins, I'll try again soon try and be  more prepared. Have leave from work soon hope that'll help too. Thanks for replies, good luck all. Jeff

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## Suzi

You could go back and try again?

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## thatsthat

Ok been busy told everyone how I feel this week as im supposed to,where I am how bad a time im having. Work, wife, occ health, gp. let evreyone know how I feel I keep being told, talk about it let us know how you feel, change of meds, appt with local  mental health and some more talking. Im so tired talking like its an easy transition from miserable to happy with a few written down steps, some waking, healthy eating, like  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  :Swear:  I didnt think of that blah blah sorry, for my incoherence  Anything help people would be goodpeople, hope yr all doing ok. J

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## Suzi

It's very much not an easy transition. You have to remember that  you didn't get this poorly overnight and so it's going to take longer than overnight to get better too. Talking will help, as will exercise, eating properly, drinking properly and getting enough sleep...

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## thatsthat

Sorry your right was frustrated and a bit angry when I posted,always hoping for immediate fix. im ike Jekyll and Hyde lately. Thank you suzi

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Suzi (07-09-17)

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## Paula

How are you doing today?

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## thatsthat

Much better today thank you, can see a tiny light at the end which is better than none.think tabs are starting to work,  just at that point where its one day good one day bad. Hoping theyll kick in fully soon and there'll be more good than bad. Thanks paula

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## Paula

Gradually the good will outnumber the good. You're doing great  :):

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## Suzi

Just hang on in there. One step at a time.

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