# Help and Advice > Related Illness/medication/alternatives >  Abuse **Triggers**

## purplefan

There has been a lot in the news recently about sex abuse at football clubs and although i was NEVER abused myself an incident has come to mind that happened when i was 13 or 14.
I loved P.E. And i played in the school football team from 1st year to 3rd year and one day i was getting changed with the other boys and w went into the gym. I forgot something and i returned to the changing room and i saw the P.E. teacher looking at a pair of boys undrpants he obviously took out his his kit bag. He quickly returned the item and said, They were lying on the floor but the more i thought about it would you be holding a pair of pants up near your face if they fell on the floor? It was an incident i put to the back of my mind, but when all this abuse came out it brought it back again. Like i said i was never physically touched by anyone but there is other forms of abuse. And if you have been Abuse please don't keep it to yourself. Shar your story with someone and get help. 
Child abuse is at epidemic proportions and it must be stamped out. So please dont keep it to yourself. Tell someone. It is never too late!

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## Suzi

We have a separate section regarding abuse - Abuse Survivors which people can join and talk things through, but it's only available through pming me and I make a decision as it's a vulnerable part of the site..

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## purplefan

That's good to know because part of the problem is that no one can talk about it. A safe environment  is vital and i hope people will use it. Staying silent is not the answer no matter how long ago it happened.

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Suzi (14-12-16)

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## Angie

Your right staying silent isn't the answer PF, but it is far from easy and can be very complex for people to open up and talk about aswell which is why a lot of people dont. The private section does give people a safer enviroment to open up and talk

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purplefan (14-12-16)

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## purplefan

I hope that on good thing comes out of this Angie and that is people who have suffered not just sexual abuse but psychological and physical and financial abuse will be able to proudly speak about their experience without feeling like a victim.

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## S deleted

> I hope that on good thing comes out of this Angie and that is people who have suffered not just sexual abuse but psychological and physical and financial abuse will be able to proudly speak about their experience without feeling like a victim.



Please tell me you're kidding?

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## rose

Purple, you probably mean 'safely' rather than 'proudly' didn't you?

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purplefan (14-12-16)

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## Jarre

You have to understand Purple that it affects a person very deep down, that comment can be upsetting as what happens to them does control their life and how they act and they are a victim of that form of abuse, the word proud shouldn't even be there, they didn't choose to under go that form of abuse.  A person can speak of surviving that abuse but its not something that can be felt as your statement portrays some form of juvilation, we know you didn't mean it, but the wording can be very upsetting to survivors as it downplays the whole thing.

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Angie (14-12-16),Jaquaia (14-12-16),Paula (14-12-16),purplefan (14-12-16),Suzi (14-12-16)

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## Jaquaia

> I hope that on good thing comes out of this Angie and that is people who have suffered not just sexual abuse but psychological and physical and financial abuse will be able to proudly speak about their experience without feeling like a victim.


I think you've chosen the wrong word there PF. I don't proudly speak about my experiences at all. They are some of the most traumatic experiences I've had. I'm not proud of them, no one is proud of them. Most victims of these crimes feel deep shame. I know I do. And you know what? I am a victim. Speaking from my own experience, I had crimes commited against me. I am a victim of these crimes, just like someone who had their lights punched out would be a victim of assault. I  rarely talk about it, even in the private sections I don't often talk about the abuse I've been put through. 

What I should be proud of is living through my experiences and coming out the other side. Speaking about my experiences is incredibly hard and always will be, but I'm proud of being a survivor.

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Angie (14-12-16),Paula (14-12-16),purplefan (14-12-16),S deleted (14-12-16),Suzi (14-12-16)

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## Suzi

It's something that has affected me too and it took many years to be able to tell anyone what had happened to me. I'm not proud - but I am proud that I got through it and learnt to trust someone else.. That's why we have a very closed section, because of the shame, the stigma - the "oh you must have done something to provoke it" or "it was different then, it is just what happened" or "well, I had worse happen to me and I just got on with it"......  It's something that people are so afraid to talk about for one reason or another and it's something that I feel very passionately about. 

Check this but it might make you cry:




If anyone does feel that they need access to the Abuse Survivor Section then please do pm me, but I am strict about who has access for understandable reasons.

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Jaquaia (14-12-16),purplefan (14-12-16)

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## Jarre

that video gave me even more respect for Patrick Stewart than I already had.

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## Suzi

Awesome isn't it?

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Jarre (14-12-16)

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## S deleted

I remember watching the episode of who do you thing you are when he learned about him father's 'shellshock' and it was interesting how his concept of his father changed knowing that it was an illness that brought about his volatile nature.

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## purplefan

sorry i clicked on the wrong word. Opps. 


> Purple, you probably mean 'safely' rather than 'proudly' didn't you?

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## purplefan

As i said jarre it was a honest mistake and i meant no offense. 


> You have to understand Purple that it affects a person very deep down, that comment can be upsetting as what happens to them does control their life and how they act and they are a victim of that form of abuse, the word proud shouldn't even be there, they didn't choose to under go that form of abuse.  A person can speak of surviving that abuse but its not something that can be felt as your statement portrays some form of juvilation, we know you didn't mean it, but the wording can be very upsetting to survivors as it downplays the whole thing.

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## purplefan

I understand that Jaquaia and i am deeply sorry for upsetting you. My spell checker gives me a list of words, and i accidently clicked on th wrong one. 


> I think you've chosen the wrong word there PF. I don't proudly speak about my experiences at all. They are some of the most traumatic experiences I've had. I'm not proud of them, no one is proud of them. Most victims of these crimes feel deep shame. I know I do. And you know what? I am a victim. Speaking from my own experience, I had crimes commited against me. I am a victim of these crimes, just like someone who had their lights punched out would be a victim of assault. I  rarely talk about it, even in the private sections I don't often talk about the abuse I've been put through. 
> 
> What I should be proud of is living through my experiences and coming out the other side. Speaking about my experiences is incredibly hard and always will be, but I'm proud of being a survivor.

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## purplefan

I am truly sorry for the wrong word i used on my post. I hope people do not think i used that word deliberately. It was a genuine mistake and i hope  that you will forgive me for any offense.

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## Jaquaia

I think we all know that you would not deliberately say anything to upset or cause offense. I do think however, that when posting on such a sensitive subject, it's wise to re-read what you've said a few times before posting. It's such an emotive subject and if you're lucky enough not to have any experience of it, I think it's hard to understand exactly how much it can affect people, itms?

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## purplefan

point taken Jaquaia. Once again truly sorry for the deep offense i caused.

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## Suzi

I am closing this thread as we all know that this is a really emotive subject and that one of the issues with forums/text is that you can't see the person behind the words and it's not possible to sort out any miscommunication immediately. 

I also know that Purplefan would never ever post something to offend or upset deliberately and I know he's really upset about any pain he's caused.

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